Vanilla & not so vanilla.

taojoels · 2021-10-12T18:36:08+00:00

Communicating this stuff is really hard! Obviously you want to make sure your partner will consent to trying what you’re into I’d hope that goes without saying. It can’t all happen at once, it’s gotta start somewhere. I would be upfront about some things that you like and want them to do, start kind of small. And communicate while having sex as to the intensity you want things so that you give your partner a grid to work with. And maybe go out somewhere and get a couple drinks in him and yourself to get this convo going! I had a partner who helped me open up so much simply taking me to bars getting a drink in me and telling me what she wanted in bed and then asking me what I want. It really helped a lot and we had fun and connected more deeply! Give yourself a space of small goals you’d like to see your sex life and partner participation to be at in the near future, If your partner isn’t participating and putting in any effort to listen or try. After some reasonable goals and communicating then that would be a good time to start reevaluating (possibly) seems you really like him so it’s worth trying some stuff out!! Just don’t over think it and start simple yet intense!

jessiepc145 · 2021-10-12T20:09:32+00:00

Do not watch porn with him, porn is horrible for relationships (just my two cents tho)
Do not keep biting your tongue
Communicate what you want, and perhaps give him an ultimatum. Doesn’t have to be cruel, you can just say something along the mind of hey rn the sex isn’t what I want it to be, we can change that, but if you’re not willing then this won’t work for BOTH our sakes
Know when to move forward with your life, don’t stay in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling people it’s just a waste of time and energy

jessiepc145 · 2021-10-12T20:11:24+00:00

Porn ≠ good in bed and I bet a lot of you on here think so. Porn is the worst thing for young men when it comes to irl sex.

Porn makes men uninterested in real women, porn can (and will if you keep at it long enough) pied, porn is also pretty bad for your brain which means less dopamine for real sex

the-original-chad · 2021-10-12T19:13:16+00:00

Most of us guys have been taught all our lives that women are delicate flowers and you should never attempt to hurt a girl. He’s gonna have to undo some conditioning he’s been taught. Tell him to choke you during sex till you pass out and to stop being a pussy. Lol

Tannerite2 · 2021-10-12T19:06:11+00:00

Sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him what you want and why

EnvironmentalLab8653 · 2021-10-13T00:01:45+00:00

Thank you everyone. We’ve had a conversation. It went well for now. Thanks again.

mystylejay · 2021-10-13T16:02:50+00:00

It is hard, but not impossible.

HARD WHY?

1) You may definitely like different things: I have known girls getting wet when treated as slaves(with trust) and others when treated as princesses. The same is for men.

2)Very few people have a real sexual self-awareness. They split their life in "good dating"(girls you can have children with) and "dirty dating"(girls to have sex with).

3)Few people have experience or enough self-confidence to try something new with no fear to fall from a "good dating" to a "dirty dating"

NOT IMPOSSIBLE HOW?

THAT'S MY SHORT STORY Once I dreamt the same as you: being submissive with a girl(anyone would fit:). I found one. She was not a mistress-like one, but we built intimacy. Ultimately I did her what I initially wanted her to do to me. So I started my first soft-bondage. Then, with another girl, ot happened the opposite: I knew I could dominate, I wanted to, but she felt insecure and she preferred to dominate me.

What is the meaning of this?

DO NOT ASK: TRY To DO INSTEAD

Maybe you are more self aware than your partner, and so it is you who has to lead.

Maye you kust like meat while he likes fish, and the thing it s not feasible.

2021-10-12T17:38:24+00:00

I feel for you.. almost every girl that's ever cheated on their boyfriend with me says this. They bf is just too boring in bed. But you just gotta tell him that you want it rough sometimes.

Sex is important in relationships.. everyone says its not important till someone cheats on them then all of a sudden its its end of the world.

Agreable_Actuator84 · 2021-10-12T18:50:13+00:00

He isn’t a mind reader and you have to ability to use your words to express your desires. You owe it to both of you to make requests for what you want.

If you want to use some form of media to ease the discussion, maybe look for erotic literature that speaks to your desires. You can say, I was reading this and came across this passage that was really hot, let me share it with you. Then say, ‘here are the aspects of this is that I’d like you to act out on me. I would find it so hot it you’d do x,y,z. ‘

TheNerdsQuest · 2021-10-13T01:43:39+00:00

I would explain to him that being a submissive is a key part of your sexual orientation. If it's as important to you as you are making it sound, then it's probably a part of you that you can't change, just like how a gay man cannot force himself to become straight via conversion therapy.

Are you familiar with Jillian Keenan at all? She writes and creates youtube videos about this kind of stuff. Maybe this will help you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpxMOTryC\_M

KingoftheNorth412 · 2021-10-12T17:17:22+00:00

Watch porn with him. Let him see what you like. Hint at trying that stuff in bed.

totalwarwiser · 2021-10-12T22:29:31+00:00

Get him one of those light and small whips and tell him to slap you while he penetrates you. Once he feels your pussy tightening from the slap he will get it.

gangweedsavedme · 2021-10-12T18:54:33+00:00

Choose love not lust

lightskinnedMex · 2021-10-12T17:31:40+00:00

Sounds like a soyboy

humptyone · 2021-10-13T11:39:13+00:00

Try a video of what you're into. That may help you both

Licktothecore · 2021-10-13T12:07:04+00:00

My boyfriend and I don’t watch porn together but sometimes will talk about what we watch. When we first started hooking up it was pretty plain sex. Even if we were drinking. I slowly introduced him to some toys which he was unfamiliar with but wanted to try using them on me.

One day I was on fashion nova and I handed him the phone and said pick out any lingerie and I will buy it. Then he loved seeing me in it when it came.

It took a long time for us to have sex in our car. I had to plan it and walk him through it because he was so nervous about being caught but that was the thrill of it. He loves it now but it took a lot of talking to.

Right now I am in the process of getting some bondage stuff. I think the important thing is to talk about it, even joke about it a little and take it slow.

Title	Vanilla & not so vanilla.
Author	EnvironmentalLab8653
Upvotes	14
Comments	27
Date	October 12, 2021 5:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q6qt98/vanilla_not_so_vanilla/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/vanilla-not-so-vanilla.1274447 https://theredarchive.com/post/1274447

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