Venting on resenting.

intjpua · 2010-05-09T02:37:07+00:00

You've made the (very common) mistake of thinking the world revolves around you. Surprisingly enough, it doesn't. Everybody is busy figuring out their own shit; generally speaking, they don't have time to help you figure out your shit, too.

It can be extremely liberating to realize that no one really has life figured out. Everyone is faking it some of the time, and bluffing their way through.

Let's just flip the question around: How often do you go out of your way to help people figure out their issues? I'm guessing you do it occasionally. Most decent people do. But, do you do it every day? And do you do it even if you don't get he feeling the person would appreciate it? And have you done it at least once for every single one of your friends? It's kinda selfish, or at least unrealistic, to imagine that everyone needs to be helping you figure your shit out on a daily basis.

Everyone has problems. Sometimes you have to solve them on your own.

The really annoying thing is now that I'm out of my own head people have actually told me that they don't help each other for selfish reasons. It's more interesting to watch them struggle, they don't want to put forth the effort, etc.

I highly doubt this is a common reason, unless all of your friends are assholes. In fact, I kinda suspect you've got an unresolved issue that makes you think people mean these negative things, when they're saying something different. I know a few people who can interpret the most positive comments as negative, and it's sounding like you might have that problem, at times.

So, I'm not particularly brilliant or insightful, but I've been walking around on this planet for 30-something years, and one of the things I've learned is that most people a pretty decent. But, they've all got their own problems, and sometimes they just don't have time for someone else's. It doesn't make them bad, unhelpful, selfish, etc. It just makes them human. We should all be nicer, more helpful, more generous, more loving, more forgiving, more enthusiastic, etc. But until we get there, just accept people for who they are, and do the best you can to accept you for who you are (and fix the things you can fix).

glorysk87 · 2010-05-12T18:20:41+00:00

and people in general for not helping me with my character flaws. My problems were glaring and obvious and anyone could have said "dude, you're doing this, cut it out"

Wtf...how are YOUR character flaws ANYONE ELSE'S responsibility?

If someone doesn't like you or gets annoyed by you because of your flaws...they'll stay away from you because they don't like you.

Take responsibility for the shit that's wrong with you, and fix it if you want people to like you. You can't expect other people to fix you...sorry, I'm just baffled at this post...

pooflinga · 2010-05-09T12:24:31+00:00

My problems were glaring and obvious and anyone could have said "dude, you're doing this, cut it out"

Most people are too bust trying to figure out their own problems and issues to spend their time helping others. Also many people are to afraid themselves to point out anything someone else is doing wrong, because they don't want to be seen as 'that guy'. Pointing out problems like that in others takes some serious balls, or you need to know that person REALLY well. Honestly how would you take it if some stranger walked up to you and said 'Your doing it wrong.. THIS is how your supposed to do it!'.

I have tried teaching/telling my friends about things their doing wrong, but most often they just brush it off and don't think twice about it. Most people aren't willing to accept outside criticism. I still try to subtlety help my friends out, but I don't want to be seen as 'that guy' who is always telling you "you should do this, you should do that!". If I see someone is seriously trying to change them selves, (this means they have admitted to themselves that they have been doing it wrong) then I will chime in and give them my two cents.

In the end it all comes down to the idea that most people have no idea what their doing, much less know enough to help other people figure it out. And even if someone is in a place where they can identify what the other person is doing wrong, chances are the other person wont be willing to accept that their doing something wrong and need to change. Basically most people need to figure out on their own that they are doing it wrong, before they are willing to (honestly) accept any outside criticism.

m4gnificent_b4st4rd · 2010-05-13T14:05:28+00:00

It's entirely possible that people did try and help you, but you didn't notice. They may not been as blunt as your "dude, you're doing this, cut it out" example, but I'm guessing there was probably some quietly offered advice that slipped under your radar.

It sounds like you needed something more like an intervention, but it's probable that the kind of people who would have tried to help you wouldn't be that comfortable with that level of confrontation. Highly empathic types aren't exactly known for handing out brutal, confrontational truths.

Sublomino · 2010-05-09T07:02:43+00:00

It's simple. It's a failure of leadership. Of course the people who have failed you don't want to admit it, and will naturally become defensive about it - that's where the failure is. It's the same answer to the reason why there are still millions of people around the world today living in slavery. Yes we thought we had abolished slavery, but it still exists and nobody will talk about it. Why hasn't anyone gone to help those in slavery, and nobody in the developed world is willing to talk about it or even acknowledge that it exists? Will YOU go help them? Why haven't you? I bet your natural reaction is to defend yourself and say it's not your place, not your responsibility, or worse -- that it doesn't really exist! And those people who need our help might be resentful of us who live in the Western world, because we won't do anything about it.

It's nobody's responsibility or duty to make sure that you learn social and relational skills. But, there are some who do take up the task of making sure you learn these skills, and these people are the leaders among us, and they are rare. Yes, it is an injustice, and you have every right to resent it.

All I ask of you, is when you find your way out, and find success and happiness, that you look back kindly on those who are still stuck, and lend them a hand. Or else the failure of leadership cycle will continue. And they will have every right to resent you. Welcome on your way to becoming a leader.

2010-05-11T03:41:49+00:00

Disney/family values/"true love" myth

2010-05-09T07:38:31+00:00

When you look at what women actually do, it's hard to respect them. The same applies to men. How many people truly deserve respect? Who is more stupid, the douchebag or the hot chick who dates him?

Title	Venting on resenting.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	10
Date	May 9, 2010 2:03 AM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/c1mma/venting_on_resenting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/venting-on-resenting.1310307 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310307

Comments