I'm trying to unwire my brain a bit here so let's see how it goes!

The first thing that comes to mind is that I was supposed to treat a woman like a lady. Be polite, don't assert yourself, listen to what she has to say, do favors for her, give her compliments, etc. I think these behaviors are good in moderation during an LTR but they don't play much of a role in seduction.

The second is that women didn't like sex. This was seriously burned into my head and prevented me from escalating in any form. There are a verrry small percentage of women who will escalate on their own but in the overwhelming majority of cases it's up to the man. This is especially important in a pick up where there is essentially zero chance the girl will escalate.

The third is that girls didnt care about a man's social status. I was super caught up in the "just be yourself" philosophy which absolutely ruined my success with women. Turns out being a sensitive shy artsy guy doesn't attract many girls lol.

The fourth is that age has the same effect on both gender's sexuality. I really didnt click in my head that there aren't any attractive women over 35 until a couple of years ago. Also when I was in my early 20's I was super paranoid about getting older because I thought that actually played a significant role in my level of attractiveness.

The fifth is that height matters. Being 5'7 this limited who I thought was a potential candidate by a substantial margin. I have seen enough examples now to know it just isn't true. I'm sure there is a small percentage of women who really won't date a guy who is under 6'0" but for the most part it doesn't matter. It is extremely liberating to not be constrained by this thought anymore!

The sixth is that self deprecation is healthy and normal. There is really no personal benefit to this behavior at all. Maybe if you REALLY screw something up you should reflect back and think about how it could have been done better, but this isn't even self deprecation anyway. Your mind should be full of positive emotions to function most optimally as a person.

The seventh is that true love exists. There definitely are those rare couples that have insane chemistry and everything just flows but for most people this just isn't an option. This is especially true for people who meet later in life as those couples with really great chemistry meet early in life and "grow together". Any type of oneitis just a reaction to a girl who has A LOT of value to you. I would also argue that even if you managed to get in a relationship with that girl you would end up supplicating too much and she would lose respect for you.

The eighth is that I'm stuck with the mind I was born with. Since I'm insanely neurotic by default I would get caught up in ideas like "what does she think of me?" or "I regret doing that". You can reprogram your mind so these thoughts don't appear at all anymore.

The ninth is that social skills can't be learned. Throughout grade school I just figured that the way social groups formed was just some force of nature and that was how the world worked. It was only after going out to clubs consistently for several months in a row while pushing myself hard did I realize that this is simply not the case.

The tenth is that most people have a clue as to what they're doing in life. Social skills play such an unbelievable role in the trajectory of a person's life it isn't funny. The better I get at this the more I realize how most people are very socially awkward outside the niche they developed in high school. No social skills means you can't mold the world in your vision, you are being shaped by it.