What actually is 'confidence'? How does one know whether they are actually confident or not?

RandianHero · 2014-03-01T18:44:28+00:00

It's a few things:

Lack of fear, or more specifically, control of fear. It's the ability to face situations either without any feelings of apprehension, or just having the balls to go through despite the nervousness.
Taking risks: confident people aren't afraid of taking the road less traveled or going with a route that generally isn't tested or safe.
Appearing calm and collected: confident people have good posture, take up space, and don't possess body language like they're inwardly about to lose it. They either look neutral, or like they know exactly what they're doing -- even if they don't.
Doing everything as if it's completely natural, as if you've done it a thousand times before. Confident people can walk into any building and look like they belong there. They're the ones who get backstage at concerts without raising any eyebrows. They're the ones who people assume are in charge just because of how they act. Say anything with enough confidence and people will automatically assume you're an expert.

djkabta · 2014-03-01T18:52:07+00:00

First I'd like to point out that the things I'll be talking about are merely my own philosophies. I'm saying this because I know that a lot of people disagree with me. They are far-fetched. Please take it with a grain of salt when you disagree (not that I'm not open to discussion!) but I hope this might give people insight.

In the Netherlands we call confidence 'zelfvertrouwen' which literally translates to self trust. I think that's a good starting point. Trust is lacking among people. When we put trust in other people and they deceive us it can hit like a ton of bricks. Most of us will be traumatized if it was a bad case. It gets hard to trust other people again.

Same goes for the self. A lot of us believe that we're deceiving ourselves. We don't trust us anymore. We kick ourselves in the head because we did not approach, or when we fail to go to the gym. Even though we promised it to ourselves!

It's very weird, but it's also very understandable. I think it's because we want certain things in our lives so badly we associate our happiness with it. We essentially say to ourselves:"without this I can never be happy". This is both true, and I feel very false.

When you deceive yourself by let's say not approaching this HB32 you're denying yourself happiness. At least you think so. Because you keep telling yourself you want a girl in your life so badly. After a while of doing this you will become a very miserable person. I think you can see why I believe such a statement to be a very false one.

The thoughts we think are the thoughts we end up believing in. The aspects of ourselves we believe in is what we become. It's all about positive versus negative here. Such thinking as above is very negative since it focuses on absent rather than present.

You start to associate negative feeling with the subject matter (i.e. girls). It's a downward spiral. And you still wanting it so badly you will lack the confidence because you think your happiness depends on it, but you don't trust yourself. There are of course hundreds of reasons why you'd stop trusting yourself. We've all let ourselves down in one way or another and the world has all let us down in some way.

I was too afraid to show my feelings to girls I really liked because I couldn't stand not being near them. I'd fear the rejection too much because that would mean it was over. So I became a friend. And when I finally couldn't handle the want no more I'd message her. And get rejected of course. Each time I punished myself for being such a coward. As you can image it only got worse and worse. I thought about how ugly and fat I was. How the world was against me. I thought the expected outcome of showing my feeling for a girl was denial. So I showed no intention. I lacked confidence. I lacked the trust in myself.

To get yourself to become confident, and to regain trust in yourself, you have to change your thoughts. Think positive and present thoughts rather than negative and absent.

For someone with extreme lack of confidence like myself this will be very difficult. Because you've been focusing on the bad rather than the good you like it, your body likes its. It's likes you to feel bad about yourself because you've been feeding it the chemicals associated with these thought for so long.

But know that if you have a healthy brain you are capable of changing your thoughts, and thus changing who you are. Know that keeping negativity at bay is no more than catching yourself thinking it and changing your thoughts to positive ones.

Make a list of things you appreciate. Things you have in your life. The things you love. Be it your parents, your brother, your dog. Don't be afraid to list personal achievements like running a marathon. Or things like nice weather, birds singing in the moring etc. The only catch is that you must truly appreciate the things you list. Or simply put things that make you happy. And we all have them. And when you do this you'll quickly find that you appreciate a lot of things in life. Things that make you happy to be alive.

This is outcome independence. It doesn't matter whether or not the girl rejects you because it won't change your life in any way. It's a tie-win situation.

You have to be tough and always try to be positive at all times if you have a tendency towards negativity. And when you come to the point where no longer need to make yourself aware of how amazing your life is you will have achieved confidence.

Confidence is when you're no longer depended on the outcome because the outcome will only make your life better if anything. You don't let rejection fool you into thinking it's your fault. It just wasn't meant to be. You abide and go with the flow. Through good times and bad you always find peace in the fact you're alive. You always think, speak and act positively with the intention of making your life and that of others better. Simply because life is good but it can always get better. And that can be as simple as a compliment, or a nice gesture. The only want, the only goal, is to try to improve your life, the others around you and the girl who might one day be your wife. That's the only gain. You know that failure only exists in not being able to enjoy life anymore through the randomness of the universe. Be it an accident or any other misfortune. But this randomness doesn't affect you because those thought would be absent, thoughts of things not there. And if misfortune does happen you don't let it affect you as long as you can list at least one thing you're happy about. This is what I believe to be a true confident person.

Anyway, I've been typing for a long time now and I feel like I've written a book haha. But I wanted to type this out in case somebody reads this who found help in it. I don't want to sound douchy, but I can't be the only person who has gone through the things I've been through.

tl;dr A person who lacks confidence is a person who for whatever reason doesn't trust the world and him or herself anymore. But they still have needs. Needs they think they can't fulfill and sadly they literally can't fulfill them, because they depend there happiness on those needs; be it girls, sex, money whatever. The fear of coming face to face with the outcome is so great that nothing is done. A person with true confidence knows that the outcome of pretty much any of his actions will have a very tiny chance of influencing his life in a negative way. They know that they have so much things to appreciate that any outcome of action undertaken is a tie-win. Things can only get better. Even if they're ugly, or small or large or whatever they know that there are still so many things that make life great. They're just in it for the ride.

JustAnotherBird1 · 2014-03-01T17:31:40+00:00

Whether you think you're confident or not, you're totally right

puaCurveBall · 2014-03-01T20:35:07+00:00

It is demonstrating that you are optimistic and will get what you want even without any evidence of it, and even in the face of some (light) evidence to the contrary.

It means if she is slightly playful and pretends she doesn't want you, then you still have a smirk on your face and really think she DOES want you.

Same situation as if you think you are going to get a job.. if you demonstrate that you truly believe that you are going to get the job even if they haven't given you evidence for it, that comes across as confidence.

"lacking" confidence would imply that you are pessimistic, and display signs you think you will fail without proper evidence, or after (light) evidence that you will indeed fail.

it is a measurement of how strong your internal reality is. The stronger your internal reality, the better frame and confidence you have, and the more you can influence the world around you in your favor.

rusty84 · 2014-03-01T16:33:14+00:00

Well, first you have to define confidence. To me, confidence is feeling you are above people (to some extent) and thinking you are so above them that you don't give two shits about saying the wrong thing or 'screwing up' because you are so above them that you don't care if they walk away, or you doubt they'll walk away. What I find helpful to do when I'm not feeling confident is I tend to zone out of the situation, and think about other things.

ImpKirk · 2014-03-01T20:56:56+00:00

I personally think confidence is self acceptance and recognizing that people are just people. It's your ability to stick through things. You might be nervous, and that's fine.

Malicepoint · 2014-03-02T01:02:56+00:00

Confidence is your ability to believe in everything you do and know without a doubt that when you do it it will be done.

FlashGordonn · 2014-03-02T03:00:37+00:00

Decisiveness and assuredness. Knowing that there's a chance at failure, but doing something because you truly believe in it. Confidence also stems from knowing you have other options.

ThePUA_Baddie · 2014-03-02T03:34:23+00:00

Confidence is having balls. See that cute girl sitting at the bar? She looks stunning and sexy right, and you really wanna get with her. Do you have the balls to go up there, open her, and start talking about what's on your mind without any hesitation whatsoever? If you can do that, you have confidence.

KingAndre · 2014-03-02T02:52:55+00:00

I figure confidence is simply believing in yourself. Abolish your self-doubt and you will have confidence.

lord_of_vader · 2014-03-03T13:18:01+00:00

I think I'm confident because I pretty much do and say whatever I want without much concern as to the consequences.

I trust my mind; it's been hardened and sharpened by years of study and meditation. My body is strong. What do I have to worry about?

Title	What actually is 'confidence'? How does one know whether they are actually confident or not?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	18
Date	March 1, 2014 6:58 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1z8y08/what_actually_is_confidence_how_does_one_know/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-actually-is-confidence-how-does-one-know.1366842 https://theredarchive.com/post/1366842

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