What am I doing wrong?

quinnmcd · 2019-10-23T17:11:33+00:00

I didn't read anything about your interests, hobbies or personality. Just because you work on your self and don't drink/smoke doesn't make you better than anyone else or entitle you to women. the past part makes me believe you need to work on your conversation skills.

Start following your passions or trying new things (learning an instuments, how to dance, or starting a business) anything that takes time and dedication that you can see progress with. For learning how to conversate better learn how to not care what people will think about what you're saying. Speaking without a filter about things you're interested in and passionate about that will make you have more engaging conversations. Make sure you're in a positive mood when you do conversate with people and that will give you a more magnetic feel when you do talk.

if you feel out of place dating then that just means you either need to work on yourself and see your true value or you're chasing the wrong women.

MichaelBravo · 2019-10-23T16:21:44+00:00

You'd only get shunned for not drinking, drugs, smoking if you're trying to hang with drinkers, smokers, and drug users.

So look for people you click with.

Or try drugs, smoking, and drinking (perhaps you'd like these activities, I certainly do and I can't imagine a life without sometimes partaking....but to each is own...you know? I don't judge, but I'm also not friends with many people who don't drink at least socially, again, nothing at all is wrong with this, really, but it comes down to commonality).
I've joined societies to meet new people and nothing ever cliques.

Then it's the wrong societies you're joining. Find your people.

If it's really hard, make a point to create some strong male friends first. Honestly, if you don't have a crew of males, you're going to look suspicious to women...

intelectualycurious · 2019-10-23T15:56:53+00:00

It’s too hard to diagnose the problem with this short synopsis, but it sounds like you’re trying too hard to get people to like you. What do you stand for? What type of people do you want in your life? And where would you find those people. If you don’t know yourself or who you are, it’s easy for others to shrug you off like a leaf in the wind.

zaorab · 2019-10-23T15:27:58+00:00

The things is, focus on the way you talk. People shouldn't think that you're too needy. I am guessing the problem with initiating conversation is that, you think ahead in your head, and suddenly ask a question that is people are not expecting from you. For example if you want to go from point A to point D, you go in ascending order. You don't skip B and C. If you want to initiate a conversation, start slow, focus on the tone of your voice, the way you convey to the crowd. Having a conversation is a skill itself. You don't always ask secrets or some personal things to people that they aren't comfortable sharing. Observe people, have something in common, then have a conversation about it. Talk about your likes and dislikes with them. Start a conversation, but never sound too desperate. Plus stand out of the crowd. Have something different about yourself. The ball will be in your court.

2019-10-23T17:23:09+00:00

The dating scene as a man is about you taking initiative and making things happen.

Are you approaching women to try to ask them out?

serpx · 2019-10-23T19:37:41+00:00

I find it normal that most people don’t initiate conversations and greetings. You’ll have to be assertive with creating relationships, it’s — from my experience — how life works for a lot of people.

Obviously there’s exceptions. For example, I didn’t put effort in creating my high school friends, situations is what forced us to bond. Situations such as seeing the same people over and over and over again and having a space that encourages communication.

TerenceHewit · 2019-10-23T20:55:04+00:00

You look needy. Try not initiating or maybe initiating with only new people. And talk about yourself even if no one asks you questions. A lot. They will ask eventually if they like you.

bemore_ · 2019-10-24T02:48:05+00:00

It all takes time. Till then do things that lift your spirit

Kylemoa1 · 2019-10-24T02:59:01+00:00

Couple things here

If you are doing this self-improvement thing in hopes with will bring people to you or make them like for (even if it's just a little) you're doing it for the wrong reason. The same with joining clubs and anything of the sort. You have to be there for the right reasons
Social interactions are a skill. Kind of like work, when you first who up you dont know the lingo or the norm but after 90 days or so you start to get it and fit in. That's how this whole social interaction things work. Its why some guys can kick it with attractive when and be a whole character and other men clam up.
If it bothers you to give then don't. example being if you are always the first to reach out to your friends and it bothers you, stop, you will eventually end up recenting them for not giving what you give. Unless that is a part of who you are as a whole and you enjoy just reaching out to people, I strongly suggest you discontinue.
Keep at it. That is as simple as it can be put. You will get this in time and find the right people and the right girl.

justahappyidiot · 2019-10-24T18:00:09+00:00

Read How to win friends and influence people

X2 on most of the other advice here. Development is about way more than looking good with your clothes off. Be a man of substance. There should be things about you that when a girl eventually finds out makes you more attractive.

I say eventually because these things should NOT be used to initially build attraction. They should be pleasant surprises as she gets to know you better and learns more about you.

You need to have some depth. And the goal should not be just to get a girl friend. You're only 21, so your journey of self Discovery is really just starting.

Title	What am I doing wrong?
Author	Ducklog211
Upvotes	11
Comments	10
Date	October 23, 2019 2:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dm09vu/what_am_i_doing_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-am-i-doing-wrong.1481951 https://theredarchive.com/post/1481951

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