What value do you bring to a group?

razqel · 2011-05-27T00:19:44+00:00

Conventional community wisdom is that you need to be the life of the party, but no. Not true. It's a myth that may never be dispelled. You don't have to the super outgoing, popular, or hilarious either. From one of my earlier posts:

You'll find successful players who are funny, social, outgoing, and aloof. At the other end of the spectrum you'll find attractive males who are deep, stoic, and brooding. So you can get success using any one of these archetypes, and everything in between.

The reason why the super social guy is the common archetype in the PU community is because they tend to come off as less threatening/intimidating, which is important around strangers. Also, PUAs tend to game at bars and clubs, where the purpose is to have fun and excitement. In order to demonstrate you're a social leader, you need to provide that excitement they are looking for in these circumstances.

What value do you bring to a group? Are you a good listener? Able to enlighten someone about a specific area of knowledge? Can you make one person feel special or included? Do you defend people who are being talked bad about? Do you inspire honesty and genuine interactions?

My point is that there are many things that make a guy attractive or high value. Do not be misled into thinking that being the life of the party is the only thing of value to a group.

doomgoblin · 2011-05-27T04:08:41+00:00

I'm usually one of the few willing to go up and talk to random people (mostly girls) my group thinks is hot. My friends call me to figure out nightly plans of going out. I've been known to buy the bar out a time or two for a good time, and have spotted my friends when they wanted to come with but were low on cash. I also know at LEAST a couple people at most places, for social interactions. Also, i'm damn good looking. :-\

edit: did I mention i have lots of friends that are girls that I can mingle with when I go out, my friends benefit from it too.

Ayelikemilk · 2011-05-27T02:21:11+00:00

Nunchuck skills.

2011-05-27T02:30:31+00:00

I give value freely. When I am happy, my biggest jou really isn't in getting laid but in extending the validation I feel, whether through core confidence, a good job at work, a successful hobby project, sexual validation, a strong stout, just waking up happy, or any other means I come to being in good spirits, I give compliments freely and become intensely interested in others stories, and wish very much to connect to a humanity that suffers from the malaise of discontent.

I also write and talk exactly like whatever author I'm reading at the moment. Some people know that I've read an edition of Discworld by an increased amount of wit and turns of phrase. A fun party trick for my close friends.

Selectivefire · 2011-05-26T22:54:16+00:00

I serve as a bad example. I'm the person the group doesn't want to emulate.

mike_burck · 2011-05-27T07:34:06+00:00

I think you should focus on what you can do for yourself; after that, the group dynamic falls into place. The key is to focus on how you perceive yourself versus what you want others to perceive as your group role.

It may seem like they're the same thing, but there are some key differences:

If you're trying to be the life of the party, you're automatically thinking about how you can impress others. Typically this leads to demonstrations of lower value, as you are likely going to try and validate yourself.
Being the life of the party implies that you need to be involved with a group to achieve your goal. Your real goal should be how you can be successful regardless of who, if anyone, is with you.

I am not saying that you should ignore the value you add to the group. In fact, being successful as an individual will automatically add value to the group. If you're a funny, witty, confident individual, your group will be that much better.

The first step to convincing yourself that you add value to the group is to realize that you don't need the group. People accept you into a group only if they want you there. Just by inviting you around, you have all the evidence you need that people enjoy having you around... you obviously have value.

Dresden718 · 2011-05-27T12:02:14+00:00

Here is a funny gift. Mis-Interpret everything. Its pretty funny.

2011-05-27T18:05:13+00:00

Me? I'm awesome. That's what I bring. What makes me awesome? That's something you'll have to find out on your own.

Title	What value do you bring to a group?
Author	ehbeeseedee
Upvotes	17
Comments	22
Date	May 26, 2011 10:49 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hl1ik/what_value_do_you_bring_to_a_group/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-value-do-you-bring-to-a-group.1318655 https://theredarchive.com/post/1318655

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