Where did I go wrong? [FR]

JimmySlade · 2010-10-24T07:55:03+00:00

Shouldnt have talked for 20mins in your apartment.

"Hey wanna see my apartment?" Is not some super secret code for "lets have sex." Its completely obvious. She probably got mixed signals when you didnt jump her bones as soon as you closed the door.

KenjiBeast · 2010-10-24T09:03:44+00:00

You shouldn't have asked for a kiss.

http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-woman_1.html

Otherwise it seems like you did pretty well, dude.

TheAsianDefender · 2010-10-24T13:32:34+00:00

You asked for a kiss. You didn't get tacos when you said you would. If you want to go back to your place always leave an important reason e.g. "I was cooking something and left my stove on, we'll only be a minute"

cheddarchexmix · 2010-10-25T05:14:11+00:00

General advice below, but if a girl refuses a kiss, you didn't build enough attraction. I can't remember the last time I got negged on a kiss attempt, you need to be able to read the situation. Based on the fact she was with you all night, a kiss would be below expectation here for me. You did something wrong for sure, maybe just asking for the kiss, but possibly something not described in your post.

Always keep your apartment clean. If your place was truly a mess that alone could be a showstopper for many women.

Buy a couch.

Don't ask for kisses. I do use "do you want to kiss me" pretty frequently and it's never failed, but I never say "can I kiss you".

I never wait to text if I'm into the girl, 1-2 days is normal for me. I met a girl last night, texted her today at noon and am going out with her tomorrow night. No need to beat around the bush, attraction dies quickly. In a semi-botched scenario like you describe, I'd probably give it 2-3 days but not much more.

gavtodd · 2010-10-24T14:25:19+00:00

Two things, one has already been mentioned.

1) NEVER EVER EVER ASK FOR THE KISS JUST DO IT 2) If your place is a mess, don't talk about it for 20 minutes then ask to kiss her

alexryane · 2010-10-24T14:00:48+00:00

Age difference was irrelevant, 27/32 is fine even for a relationship, for a fling its perfect.
You didn't move too fast, it shouldn't take more than an evening to fuck most women. It shouldn't take more than a couple hours to kiss.
Your apartment should back you up. Have you ever been to a friends place and felt it was too messy and dirty to feel comfortable staying long in? Have you ever been to a friends place and thought "wow I could just crash here all week"?

This will sound controversial but asking to kiss wasn't the real cause of the failure. While it wasn't exactly a great move, it would have worked if you had both been heavily flirty and getting all over each other already.

That said, don't do it. Just make the move. It would take me real balls to ask most girls to kiss me, just kissing them is far easier

UmeaHC · 2010-10-24T18:40:59+00:00

Work on a solid kiss close, man. Sometimes it's as easy as saying "do you want to kiss me?" If it's a maybe answer, say "lets find out" and if it's a no, shrug it off, give your own IOD's then ask again

Delightful_White · 2010-10-24T20:12:40+00:00

Sounds like you did OK up until the apartment. A few pointers here:

I asked for a kiss and she said/acted like it was too soon/we didn't know each other enough

You made it awkward. This makes you lose value, like she has the kiss that YOU want. You should have just went in for the kiss, you would probably have a less chance of getting rejected. Getting rejected by leaning in and trying to kiss her I feel is way better than asking and her saying no.

I then said "at least can I get your number?"

Never say "can i at least..." It puts you at much lower value, comes off as desperate.

I asked for a kiss again and failed

of course you did. she already said no and you already made it awkward.

My apartment was a mess because I had dirty dishes and computer equipment everywhere (oops). We talked ~20 minutes about my apartment, how messy it was, where I could put a couch if I bought one, etc.

This is big. You need to keep your apartment clean and clutter free. I'm a messy person too. But I keep my apartment reasonably clean in case I ever meet somebody and they come over. A good move (when your apartment is actually clean) i tell them "sorry if my apartments a bit messy" and then they come in and its actually clean. The girls end up talking about clean and nice my apartment is (DHV) and their apartment is 100 times worse.

And you don't have a couch in your apartment? you gotta get on that dude. Thats where most intimate encounters start when you bring a girl back.

Keep doing what your doing, just clean your apartment and get a cheap couch from Ikea. And dont be afraid to go in for the kiss at your apartment, even if it seems like its not the right time. I've had girls act distant and shy in my apartment, then i go in for the kiss and they jump my bones and get wild.

Good luck

Title	Where did I go wrong? [FR]
Author	frustratedsosomuch
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	October 24, 2010 6:17 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dvkoq/where_did_i_go_wrong_fr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/where-did-i-go-wrong-fr.1312483 https://theredarchive.com/post/1312483

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