Why does it all feel like deception?

HugeSaladFork · 2015-05-02T13:43:46+00:00

It's because you don't see yourself as valuable or desirable. If you saw yourself as a catch, then making this known to a girl would seem to be doing her a favor.

My suggestion is to find ways to make you proud of yourself outside of women. You probably could just shift your mentality right now and realize that you have accomplishments under your belt that give you pride and put you ahead of many men out there. Try making a list.

Edit: Also it might be a bit of a stretch depending on who you are but being a virgin could just mean you are picky. I mean you could probably find some walrus girl to have sex with right now if you wanted, but you probably don't want that. So if it applies, realize this, and tell yourself this. It's not failure it's pickiness. Nothing wrong with having standards.

NO_LAH_WHERE_GOT · 2015-05-02T09:50:13+00:00

I feel your pain. I've been in a very similar position, except that I lucked out with a girlfriend who I related to deeply.

I'm going around my college town

My short answer to your question is that you've been living in a bubble. College towns are not representative of reality.

I highly recommend reading this essay by Paul Graham:

http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html

What bothers me is not that the kids are kept in prisons, but that (a) they aren't told about it, and (b) the prisons are run mostly by the inmates. Kids are sent off to spend six years memorizing meaningless facts in a world ruled by a caste of giants who run after an oblong brown ball, as if this were the most natural thing in the world. And if they balk at this surreal cocktail, they're called misfits.

Life feels daunting because you're currently stuck in a really sterile environment. It'll get better once you get out of it and find your people.

Like many nerds, probably, it was years after high school before I could bring myself to read anything we'd been assigned then. And I lost more than books. I mistrusted words like "character" and "integrity" because they had been so debased by adults. As they were used then, these words all seemed to mean the same thing: obedience. The kids who got praised for these qualities tended to be at best dull-witted prize bulls, and at worst facile schmoozers. If that was what character and integrity were, I wanted no part of them.

Duhy · 2015-05-02T14:23:57+00:00

Alright, I'm going to pick this shit apart.

Who am I trying to fool?

Yourself. No one else. You're not doing this for anyone else, you're not doing this impress some girl you haven't become interested in yet, you're not here to fool ANYONE. You're here to fool yourself. Yes, you, the nobody you keep telling yourself you are. Fool yourself, tell yourself you're great, and strive to complete the things you've started. For starters, finish your college degree with passion, because trust me, life has hardly started for you at all, my friend.

Despite my struggles, despite my adhd and depression, I've managed to acquire enough social skill to just get by in life.

Isn't that quite an impressive feat in itself? You got dealt two shitty cards in life, but you still managed to acquire "enough social skills". Keep on going. Your life hasn't ended yet.

The closest friends i have are from high school and I made zero friends in college.

Where are you looking? A club? Look, a huge portion of the student population usually starts off not knowing anyone on campus. That's why there are book clubs, game clubs, orientations, study groups, tutor groups, buddy systems, etc etc etc. Start by finding people who have the same hobbies as you, and then become REALLY good at that hobby. You'll make friends, and you'll enjoy doing what you love.

Don't even start with "but my hobby is for losers". One of the most attractive girls I work with sat with me last week, looked at me with bright eyes and said with confidence "DragonballZ is my favourite anime ever!". Now we'd make random references to it just because it lightens the mood at work.

I'm going around my college town trying to talk to people by myself but it all just seems so useless.

Others here have answered you better than I could here.

I look around me at the club and i see happy people with friends, and i'm there by myself wondering wtf i'm doing doing.

I've never been a big fan of clubs in general. The loud music practically erases any possible verbal communication, and for men who haven't been accustomed to confident body language (I'm going to assume you don't have confident body language judging from your post), it's not a good place to start. Add on the fact you seem to enjoy comparing yourself to others, a club where most people are there to flaunt their social status (that's how you win out at a club) is only going to drive you into the corner. As I mentioned before, find other places to meet people. Your only goal in life isn't to get laid.

I'm aware of all the social cues that make someone successful socially, but i cant act on them because of my executive function. What is the end goal?

I have no idea what you're even asking here.

I'm a virgins at 23, just to get laid by someone i don't even find attractive by age 25? Time and time again i hear about all the great stories about how easy it is to get laid in college, about all the the great experiences you get as an undergrad.

Big fucking deal. Lay off the porn already. College isn't only about getting laid and drinking beer. It's supposed to be education for fuck's sake. Get your life together first, and become someone you're proud of. Do you really think the number of girls you bring to bed is really going to earn you a special title in life? You didn't "hear" these great stories. You were stroking it to all the "college girl" videos you masturbate to.

Shit man, not only have i not gotten laid but in my 4 years, I've had only 1 girl who seemed even remotely interested in me and she already had a boyfriend.

Yeah, you're definitely overthinking it. If she has a boyfriend, lay the fuck off and move on. Until you're mature enough to maintain a platonic relationship with the opposite gender, you need to stop cornering yourself into deadends; especially ones consisting of forbidden fruit.

Life just feels daunting right now, i feel like i'd rather die mastubating than get exposed to the thought that only fat chicks girls would even consider going out witb me.

That's another problem right there. Masturbation is supposed to be an enjoyable method of release for us. It's not meant to be a clutch. It's not meant to be the fallback plan. If it becomes your replacement, it's only going to become toxic. I think you have an addiction problem on top of these other issues.

Seddit isn't the place you need to be right now. You need to get your own life in order first. Set your priorities straight. Start loving yourself again.

seeyouinhull · 2015-05-03T01:17:02+00:00

Hey dude, I was diagnosed with ADHD a year and a half ago and I've dealt with depression recently because I couldn't get my shit together in school. I know it's not easy trying to build a sense of self-esteem when it seems like you're always handing assignments in late, you can never stick to working consistently on the projects you start because you're a huge procrastinator, and so on. I don't have any good advice per se, but if you're going the self-improvement route as outlined by others ITT you may want to check out Beeminder—it forces to stay on track towards completing your goals. That's what I'm doing this summer. Best of luck.

recyclablebantha · 2015-05-02T09:55:05+00:00

I'm drunk as fuck as you can probably tell, so excuse me for the sob story.

Seriously, don't drunk post. :P But alright, I'll take a look at the rest of this.

Who am I trying to fool? Despite my struggles, despite my adhd and depression, I've managed to acquire enough social skill to just get by in life.

ADHD is not really a deterrent to making friends. In fact, some aspects of it are actually helpful. Depression though, might be an issue.

The closest friends i have are from high school and I made zero friends in college.

And how did you make those friends? What was different between college and high school.

I'm going around my college town trying to talk to people by myself but it all just seems so useless.

Why?

I look around me at the club and i see happy people with friends, and i'm there by myself wondering wtf i'm doing doing.

Sounds like you're thinking too much. Which makes it impossible to connect.

I'm aware of all the social cues that make someone successful socially, but i cant act on them because of my executive function.

Like what? What do you mean about your executive function keeping you from acting?

What is the end goal?

You decide that, not us.

Time and time again i hear about all the great stories about how easy it is to get laid in college, about all the the great experiences you get as an undergrad. Shit man, not only have i not gotten laid but in my 4 years, I've had only 1 girl who seemed even remotely interested in me and she already had a boyfriend.

Sounds like you spend a lot of time thinking about all the things you don't have. Which is ironic because in that mindset, you're going to lower your chances of getting those things.

Life just feels daunting right now, i feel like i'd rather die mastubating than get exposed to the thought that only fat chicks girls would even consider going out witb me.

There's no reason you should have to date girls you don't find attractive.

caesarfecit · 2015-05-02T15:33:38+00:00

It probably all feels like deception because you're approaching it the wrong way. What reason do you have to lie? You're not an ex-con or have a wife and kids at home. Do you have some reason to believe girls should reject you out of hand? Ask yourself, what's really so bad about you? And you should realize that your head is playing games on you.

You sound similar to the way I was a while back. You're waay too self conscious and you feel like you have something to prove, so your game probably has a somewhat aggressive or punchy vibe that you're likely unaware of. How often do you consciously smile?

Chill out, game is supposed to be fun. But you do need to get your emotions in order, otherwise trying to talk to women will be a frustrating experience. Especially if you don't have a crutch like looks, money, or a social circle to fall back on (you'll learn eventually that these things aren't essential, they just help). From my own experience with depression, the first step is acceptance. Do some meditation and get some detachment from yourself and your emotions. This is tricky because until you get your serotonin baseline up, your emotions will feel like a never ending loop of Springsteen's Racing in the Street. Then at that point, your priorities and needs with life in general should begin to clarify. Then you'll start giving a damn again and have motivation to improve your life. You'll find the energy to clean your pad or get some exercise or make some friends. And you'll know you're winning when you start giving a damn again about your life.

Then you'll be in a happier place and hopefully be a slightly better version of yourself. Then women will avoid you less. Women have a lot of trouble dealing with the angry and unhappy, especially in male strangers. At this point your danger lies in trying too hard. The best way to avoid trying too hard is to remember: game is supposed to be fun! Go make like Hank Moody.

Hope this helps.

PowerSeductionWar · 2015-05-02T14:54:25+00:00

Why does it all feel like deception?

Because for you it's deception.

"Pick up" is not something you do to mask the shitty person that you currently are, but it's a whole new lifestyle shift that will turn you into a desirable person with time & persistence.

The person that you currently are would probably have to lie & deceive others into getting laid, but nothing is stopping you from evolving other than self-pity & laziness. Take action

FeministsLoveMe · 2015-05-02T21:49:41+00:00

Your problems don't lie in seduction my friend. You need to do things for YOU. Do everything you can to make yourself truly happy and proud of yourself (hint, sleeping with girls doesn't fix this).

Iloveyou-Iknow · 2015-05-02T09:50:27+00:00

Because it's all a deception, a great lie.

Luckily for you, you can learn to "see".

Read this book (free I think) when you sober up. Believe everything it says.

http://www.academia.edu/3824850/The_Art_Of_Female_Sexual_Seduction

That will help teach you about women, about being a man and about attraction.

You will come back and ask for more material when you have read that book.

Title	Why does it all feel like deception?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	47
Comments	18
Date	May 2, 2015 6:39 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/34ln53/why_does_it_all_feel_like_deception/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-does-it-all-feel-like-deception.1387572 https://theredarchive.com/post/1387572

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