Hello everyone! Recently I posted a text where I described what I terrible loser I am when it comes to creating attraction in women. To be more accurate, very often girls become attracted to me since, according to plenty of independent attractive girls' opinions, I am an intelligent, handsome young man quite good at guitar and singing. Yet, I also have a very very low level of self-confidence which eventually ruins everything even if the girl actively shows signs of interest (just like it happened the last time I went on a date).

These are some examples of what is wrong and what I'd like to work on:

  • I speak rather confidently when I'm among my colleagues at work since I know that my level of expertise is pretty often superior. That said, my voice becomes a total disaster when it comes to speaking with attractive girls (or people I find important or authoritative). The pitch changes, I start to mumble and speak as if I were the dumbest man on the planet.

  • I am six feet tall and rather athletically built, but in the moments of anxiousness I get so nervous I start dropping things, even my walk changes, let alone how much this plagues my confidence

  • Although I know that attracting a woman is inversely correlated with being a "nice guy", I cannot help but behave like one including all the attributes sending you into the friend zone early on - buckets of flowers before even getting to know a girl better, trying to agree with everything she says, sometimes hiding the beliefs and thoughts I think she might not appreciate. Overall, this could be summarized as being needy and sometimes even pathetic.

  • Being an introvert, I often find it very challenging to ask an attractive girl out and make the mistake formerly discussed here - I friend them on Facebook and communicate via text. Predictably enough, it's not easy to induce attraction or interest through intellectual discussion of movies and music. This is a perfect way to show your rich outlook and intelligence, but has no chance to emotionally attract a girl.

  • In general, I'm rather clumsy around girls. I can't interpret when is the right time to do what. My last date ended with a hug initiated by the girl. I felt so nervous I couldn't even tell whether I should try to kiss her or not. Not to mention, I couldn't concentrate on the hug being bogged down in my thoughts about what went wrong during the evening.

  • Having read a lot of similar posts on seddit, as well as the book Models by Mark Manson, I realize that I should stop being needy and should treat any kind of experience and communication as a chance to grow etc. Yet, my rational understanding doesn't help me succeed and get rid of the anxiousness and social awkwardness.

  • What would you recommend? Probably, you had a similar situation and somehow managed to become more confident and assertive.

  • I understand the importance of self-development. Problem is, in this situation I'm not sure how. I read books on relationships and self-improvement apart from plenty of business and professional literature. That just doesn't work. This is an endless loop - my behaviour doesn't change, I lack confidence, get friendzoned, which makes me even less confident and so on.