You guys who can hold deep conversations with girls mainly and men, how to make friends, what is the secret?

norwegiandoggo · 2022-03-22T13:25:39+00:00

Vulnerability and warmth.

Be vulnerable..show vulnerability. That means taking risks and opening up about things that maybe are less flattering about yourself. For example, saying things like "I was nervous to come here alone". Is one way to show vulnerability.
Be warm..give them a sense that you are there to help them and support them. You are there to give value to other people instead of taking value from them.

bonix · 2022-03-22T13:24:27+00:00

Find hobbies outside of school. Exercise, sports, concerts, museums, travel. Basically create passions that you actually enjoy. Once you have a passion or two they will naturally come up in conversations and lead to a deeper conversation. Plus you could meet people while chasing these hobbies that enjoy it with you. You can't build a house without any materials, grow yourself first then try to get others to join you.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-03-22T16:53:40+00:00

Authenticity - Being genuinely interested in the person you’re talking to, and asking them questions about themselves without making it an interview.

coltersamazing · 2022-03-23T00:35:08+00:00

My biggest breakthrough came from deciding to no longer have friends.

I started out young shy and reserved like everyone else but I'm 40 now and friends would call me a natural with women.

I love people but never have friends only loved ones and family.

Having friends is a social contract in which some form of expectation or interchange and thereby trading and subconscious accounting naturally takes place creating expectation.

It's normally works so fine but distinguishing someone as a loved one states appreciation for character or personality or behavior which you admire. Thereby seeking to set up fun activities with them is desirable over the long term.

Distinguishing someone as family allows warm unconditional sharing in which any expectation of return is no longer present. Most of whom I consider family members are not biologically related to me.

Hope that helps with some ideas.

Niveshpai · 2022-03-22T15:12:17+00:00

I would suggest picking up cues and deepening the conversation. The main point is to be vulnerable about yourself. The more you are vulnerable, the better the connection is between you and her.

For example, try picking on topics about family, emotions, sentiments, something you/she is afraid of, future and so on. When she reciprocates the same, try narrowing the topic to her life and the stuff that has happened in her life.

Also, try smiling and laughing more often. Laughing tends to be contagious. Try making jokes about a person nearby, yourself, recent academic/news, and later herself. This tends to help make friends and have a better connection with them.

mightymite88 · 2022-03-22T15:18:06+00:00

Using probing questions to find their passions and engage with them on those things they're passionate about

Warm_Finding · 2022-03-23T00:57:40+00:00

I love all the advice everyone is giving you! And I give you a lot of props for still going to these events alone, that can be really hard so good job!

Deff keep going to events even if you’re alone. Once you meet someone you want to be friends or more with ask them for their number, try to set up some sort of activity within the next week after getting their contact info. If you wait too long they may not remember your conversation with them. I suggest making plans that don’t need to be focused around a conversation the whole time, incase you feel awkward and don’t know what to talk about (movies, bowling, outdoor activities where you’re doing something) then you can always use whatever you’re doing as a conversation point if you feel an awkward silence coming.

Don’t think you’re creepy for going places alone, as a female if I saw someone at something alone I’d assume they have a lot of confidence and are very sure of themselves (if you don’t actually feel like this-fake it till you make it!! Faking it long enough will make you actually believe it) good luck!! You seem like a kind person so eventually people will flock to you if you keep trying!

Alternative_Title384 · 2022-03-22T14:26:27+00:00

To be honest you just have to be yourself, you real self, not faking anything and that doesn’t mean you have to tell everything and pay attention to the moment what they say and don’t take things too seriously, this is how you maintain a conversation

No-Department6252 · 2022-03-22T16:54:46+00:00

80% of social interactions with women is physical attraction

Awesom3link · 2022-03-22T17:07:38+00:00

It definitely has to click for you it recently did for me. I think being observant, listening, and being observant.

LeverageSynergies · 2022-03-22T20:08:45+00:00

Man - good question….and great answers from the group too!

I’m addition to the comments, consider the book “how to win friends and influence people”

bill0124 · 2022-03-23T04:24:38+00:00

Ask questions. For real tho, people love talking about their shit and you can get them to go pretty deep by responding with something that shows you resonate like "oh, that would fuck me up too." And then asking a deeper follow up question. And you can pivot to other related topics. When people get comfortable talking about their problems/insecurities/dreams with you, they'll fucking dump everything on you if you ask lol.

This won't get you laid tho, you'll start to feel like the chicks therapist. But it's kind of fun and interesting if they have a cool background. I kind of like getting to know the person.

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