Rant: “Do you remember when?”

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-12-23T00:23:53+00:00

They never take accountability. Sorry you had to go through all this bro.
I hope only the very best for your future without her!

NoActionAtThisTime · 2025-12-21T19:00:55+00:00

I hate to spout cliches but there are a couple of things that came to mind in this situation. The best revenge is living well, and the opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy.

Don't send her a letter. Show her that you can live a happy life without her in it. Letting her know that she still has the ability to affect you is a win for her.

Time_outime · 2025-12-20T16:43:55+00:00

Yeah man, let some steam out. Sounds like she left some digital evidence behind?

funnyman6979 · 2025-12-20T15:38:25+00:00

I have written many letters to myself never sent. It was suggested to me to write an amends letter of sorts although I didn’t step out twice and get pregnant. However, there’s always things that I could have done differently wouldn’t have changed the outcome.

Honestly don’t exhaust your time and energy this is for the beautiful children. Almost thirty years later I actually stood in the mirror and wanted to scream at myself do you see her for what she is now ?

We all know what the definition of insanity is. What I didn’t count on was one adult child in his 30’s still living there. Ironically he didn’t like Dads note, which had nothing do to with his living arrangement and everything to do with respect and I gave back all I had to give.

Just a cautionary tale, save the writing for someone that will actually care, lead by example of course, but maintain dignity here.

structure123 · 2025-12-20T13:54:04+00:00

Second that. I would have moved on and get her out of my life. Someone used to say something like this. If one loves you, he or she would never give you up. If one would give you up, he or she were using you.

warwww · 2025-12-20T11:35:30+00:00

I feel your pain man. Good gosh.

I’ve seen many a person sacrifice their family, kids and even themselves for “sneaky sex”.

You need to take solace in the fact that there was absolutely nothing you could have done differently to make her:

Keep to her vows Think of her children Think of your health Think of the shame to your family you both created

The list goes on…. This was simply an eventuality - the same as having a scorpion as a pet that hangs out on your shoulder, eventually you’ll get stung. Sometimes us men need to face the hard truth that we married a scorpion (figuratively speaking of course). We need to also take accountability that we chose wrong as well, this does not however absolve their scum like behavior.

It will take time to come to this realization but once you do the doors to true healing will become more in focus.

Godspeed brother, you’ll make it through this.

And yes, your story is not unique - not at all. It’s actually not much different than what we read on here.

Chump23e · 2025-12-20T10:52:38+00:00

Do you remember when you stood and made wedding vows in front of all of our family and friends? You declared that you would always love and honour our relationship.

Do you remember when I caught you taking selfies in your gym gear in front of the bedroom mirror? For the apps.

Do you remember when you’d let me take you out for dinner or drinks, and while I went to the bathroom you’d sneak online? To check for flirty messages.

Do you remember when I found new sexy underwear in the wash and you told me that you’d bought it to wear for me? You claimed that it was only in the wash because you’d worn it once, to try it on for size without me.

Do you remember when you and he started referring to your spouses as “The 2 Js”: “Your J” and “My J”? Dehumanising us in much the same way as torturers dehumanise their victims so that they can numb themselves to the suffering they cause.

Do you remember when accidentally you texted me “Come to Crystal Palace for worms”? I called and asked what you were doing: “Admiring the view”. Cue unmuted sniggering in the background. You spent hours up there on the hill together that March day, fiddling on a bench and retreating into the woods. Worms.

Do you remember when I started questioning suspicious bruises on your arms and thighs and you passed them off with “I bumped into the gym equipment”? Yes, you most certainly did.

Do you remember when you kept bleeding during sex. Took yourself to the hospital, came back and told me we needed to abstain for a few weeks. Did you like it rough?

Do you remember when, after finally finding the courage to seek you out in the park, I discovered you sat giggling together on a bench? From that moment my mind and world unravelled apace. So you accused me of being untrusting and obsessive, said that you thought me so paranoid that I should start seeing a therapist. And so I did.

Do you remember when you actively encouraged me to spend the life savings that had taken me almost 30 years of blood, sweat and tears to accumulate, just to build an even bigger and more luxurious home for you and the children? Only for you and he to label the house your #castemple

Do you remember when you found some of my private notes from therapy, you read them, and then you relayed their content to him? Thus empowering him further.

Do you remember when you started to wear a medallion necklace just like his? That time you held it between your teeth right in front of my face while you had sex with me. You wanted sex with “Other People”

Do you remember when you started telling people - with a straight face and oblivious to your ridiculousness and arrogance - that you are going to live to be the oldest woman in the world? Which “expert” told you that then?

Do you remember when you observed my mental health finally hit rock bottom? The day I reached such a dangerous low I had to call and speak to the Samaritans for over an hour? And yet… you carried on regardless.

Do you remember when, one December morning finally deciding to confront him on "his" church bench 100 feet from our home I blacked out 3 times, smashed my head, bruised my body and exacerbated a heart condition which then led me to the hospital? Yet even after that you did nothing to dissuade him from sitting there day in and day out, deliberately visible, wilfully playing mind games like some deranged stalker.

Do you remember when I told you how he looked me in the eye and told me - their father - about how fond he was of and how much he knew about our children (he named them for full impact)? How he declared that he envied my life, my career, my money, our house? How the police then revealed they already had him on record and were concerned enough about his behaviour that they wanted to there and then go to his place of work and tell him to keep his distance? Yet, lost in limerance, you repeatedly chose to believe his word over mine, your loyal, caring, honest partner of 20 years: “Nobody knows him like I do”

Do you remember when I found out that he called you his “Queen”? And when I confronted you about that you actually sneered at me and said “Yes… and I like it”

Do you remember when you told me “He may have sent me porn links, but I never clicked on any”. Our broadband hub stores website access records.

Do you remember when we left yet another expensive marriage counselling session and just as soon as we parted you texted him? In the hope you’d have time for a quick session before I got back home from my business meeting.

Do you remember when you accepted from me endless thoughtful gifts, carefully planned nights out and expensive holidays? All the while engaging in infidelity.

Do you remember when two of our neighbours felt compelled to let me know they'd seen you together? "Leaving the house" added one. The Neighbourhood Watch(ed).

Do you remember when you would kiss your children goodnight on the lips after you had met with him on the way home from work? Even when I told you I could smell him.

Do you remember when you carelessly exposed me to STDs?

Do you remember when you were still able to convince yourself that it's only your dalliances with him that I know about? Desperate for validation. Playing the field.

Do you remember when you swore ON THE LIVES of our innocent defenceless children that you were not being unfaithful?

Do you remember when you lost all of your self respect?

I’ll leave you to ruminate on your “present thought”. I’m not interested

Title	Rant: “Do you remember when?”
Author	Chump23e
Upvotes	30
Comments	11
Date	December 20, 2025 10:50 AM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1prbo3e/rant_do_you_remember_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/rant-do-you-remember-when.1569288 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569288

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