Am I wasting my time? 18F

m4dam3x · 2019-11-20T14:54:38+00:00

If he gives up on his dreams / prospects simply to remain close to you, does that seem healthy or wise? The same way that you are not willing to give up your prospect in London, you cannot expect him to disregard his best options. It’s a very important time for you both.

I also do not recommend a long-term dynamic. You should allow yourself to be free and to explore without being beholden to anyone but your own will. Build your future.

You will be amazed in a few years how much your character develops and strengthens once you allow yourself to be single and independent as you mature.

_Disco-Stu · 2019-11-20T15:22:55+00:00

Nobody should give up their future for anyone.

fdsthrowaway · 2019-11-20T14:03:49+00:00

As an 18 year old, why would you want to be stuck with him? Did you plan on staying with the same person you started dated at 16 for the rest of your life?

Trying exploring your independence first. You don’t like how attached you are to your boyfriend so maybe you should work on being happy without a boyfriend.

If you don’t want to do a long distance relationship then don’t. You have to choose. Your boyfriend will not choose FOR you. It will probably mean you breakup, but that leaves you free to find a relationship that suits you better.

iasminag · 2019-11-20T14:52:07+00:00

From his perspective, his future outweighs your feelings. Focus on your own things, sis. It will all be good in the end!

Works_For_Treats · 2019-11-20T19:07:01+00:00

what do I do and am I wasting my time??

Read all of the recommended reading. Decide where your standards are, stick to them. Personally I think that studying(not just school) and getting a solid routine down for your own upkeep is more important at this point in your life. Habits you make now, good or bad, will carry for a long time.

Also it's worth mentioning that at your ages there is so much change and growth going on. He is going to be someone else as he ages, which may not be something worth sticking around for.

Uglyoldncranky1982 · 2019-11-20T14:21:13+00:00

Honey, you are 18. You are way to young to attach yourself that strongly to a man. Focus on you and what you want. Trust your feelings. They are telling you something. It's ok to walk away if this doesn't suit you. Don't get caught up in sunk costs. On the real long-distance rarely works, less so at your age.

I'm 37 and from Tennessee, sorry if my language seems odd. We just talk all sweet here.

2019-11-20T21:09:18+00:00

At this stage of life it is wise to be put your education/career first, so don't expect that he should prioritize you over his future. Your relationship is not guaranteed to last even if he went to uni in London. Uni is a time for personal growth and he will end up meeting lots of new people and broadening his world. I don't mean to scare you but you are making it hard on yourself by trying to hold on.

My suggestions, if you don't want to call off your relationship right away:

Enjoy the time from now until September and the holiday in February with the silent understanding that this might be all the time you have left.
If you don't want to do long distance then state it simply and see what he says.
If you want to give long-distance a shot then accept that you will probably not know what he is up to when he's far away. Make peace with it. He might find someone else and break up with you. He might find someone else but still keep you around because he can. If you can't accept these things then tell him it's not working for you.

femurfatale · 2019-11-20T19:41:49+00:00

It's probably not going to work out anyway. Focus on your own stuff

Title	Am I wasting my time? 18F
Author	streetveep
Upvotes	8
Comments	10
Date	November 20, 2019 1:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dz27mj/am_i_wasting_my_time_18f/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/am-i-wasting-my-time-18f.688164 https://theredarchive.com/post/688164

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