Organically meeting someone doesn't guarantee a different outcome

palanuik · 2020-03-22T22:07:05+00:00

I had a similar experience, thought meeting someone organically would weed out the kind of scrotes that frequent OLD.

One night it happened, I met a slightly older guy who seemed to have it all together, even if he hadn't had a whole load of relationship experience.

I was elated and continued to be for a few weeks as we went on dates and things seemed to be going somewhere promising. When he said he wanted to wait and not be intimate too soon, I felt secure (if a little frustrated).

Then, one evening he said he thought he'd been too hasty and old fashioned in putting off sex, which at the time I was pleased to hear because we had crazy chemistry which overtook my rational mind for a minute.

He lasted (and this is no exaggeration) 2.5 thrusts.

The next day we were driving and he said he regretted the previous evening and that it was a mistake. I had nowhere to go and had to sit through someone telling me after the (albeit disappointing) fact that they wish they had never slept with me.

From here, things went swiftly downhill as it transpired he was 40 (I was 24) and had only ever had 2 'relationships': one of 6 months and another that lasted 4. He couldn't sustain an adult conversation; one gem he came out with was "I just really like colours"... Needless to say I disentangled myself from this LVM in disguise on the quick and haven't replied since.

Moral of the story ladies is some guys seem HV material until you learn the reasons they are still single and hanging in pubs at 40 years old.

firefliesxx · 2020-03-22T22:31:05+00:00

I waiver back and forth on this. My career and other activities (volunteer work, etc.) are largely female-dominated. So I've gone weeks without meeting a single, straight man out "in the wild." Once I'm less busy, I would like to do more things that will set me up to meet men in person because I think it's easier to get a good "gut read" on someone in person (though not always), but it's just not possible for me right now.

So I use OLD, and I think it is really discouraging because there are just sooo many LVMs. But I like to think finding an HVM on OLD is just like sifting through to find a needle in a haystack: possible but challenging. LVM will flock to OLD because they can be low effort, but I have to imagine there are also HVM on there who, like me, just don't have time to meet people in person.

And I agree with you; some of the worst men I've ever met have been guys I met in public or through friends. At least with OLD, I'm usually able to suss out LVMs through their bios or incredibly low-effort messaging before I ever have to meet them in person.

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-03-23T00:14:29+00:00

I was definitely of the grass is always greener mindset as I switched between IRL to OLD to group settings. From 2016 to 2019 I searched out and then applied every advice and FDS too.

Every single time there was a sense of hope that finally, I was in the right place and mindset to meet a hvm.

Basically, I’ve come to the same conclusion about the quality of men in general. It’s a clown show circus.

I will not OLD because the behavior is consistently shitty. In real life it’s dependent on time and place. Bars are bad especially when men are drinking. Even meeting in the wild at the store or enjoying outdoor recreation while more civilized - I’m still constantly on my guard because shit goes south so quickly.

One second you’re chatting about something general and then it’s turned sexual really quick and often totally out of context.

As I watch this pandemic spiral into a crisis I see men using lvm thinking that’s so predictable in dating. That me first, “problem??? what problem” attitude that quickly devolves into defensive anger - men don’t see themselves as part of a collective of humanity in order to act like others matter.

So you’re right, there’s no guarantee. We’re meeting men that imagine the whole world is built to meet men’s needs. Men don’t act for group well being. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of women that don’t give a shit about other people too. We live in an age of selfish.

Having low expectations and protecting yourself by realism and vetting is definitely a way forward.

Whether I date again or not knowing that it’s false hope to think the general nature of men changes where or how you meet is a good thing to know.

Paynus1982 · 2020-03-22T22:42:25+00:00

What I always liked about the dating apps is that it let you sift through whole mountains of garbage without ever having to talk to them. Saved lots of time.

laila123456789 · 2020-03-22T21:39:46+00:00

Be that as it may, I'm still never going to use a dating app again as long as I live 🤷‍♀️

2020-03-23T02:45:56+00:00

All men have that OLD mindset, it's just the ones that are actually on OLD are more forward and blunt with it.

prettyexcitingnews · 2020-03-23T16:23:29+00:00

Tell me about it. I was so sick of OLD and stopped using it, and all of a sudden I met someone organically. I had high hopes thinking this might be different from OLD. Nah. Same.

At this point, I just can’t stop thinking there aren’t many HVMs out there regardless... or they are already taken lol

tita_ · 2020-03-23T12:32:06+00:00

My (partnered) friends always tell me not to expect to meet someone serious on OLD. Well guess what, it is not my ideal choice to go out with random men who might be short, boring or uglier in real life. But I don't have opportunities to meet guys in real life rn and having many choices on OLD makes me not clingy. Also, it is a number's game. 1 in 10 guys is not that terrible usually. I don't like being judged for being on OLD, it is not ideal but for some of us is a necessary evil.

Title	Organically meeting someone doesn't guarantee a different outcome
Author	iampretzel
Upvotes	129
Comments	21
Date	March 22, 2020 9:36 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fn7qxi/organically_meeting_someone_doesnt_guarantee_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/organically-meeting-someone-doesnt-guarantee-a.693029 https://theredarchive.com/post/693029

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