How to stop thinking about men/relationships? I’m tired.

quaintrell · 2020-09-03T04:34:36+00:00

I can totally relate, before I started dating I was constantly daydreaming about guys and crushes. School and work are definitely great distractions. But it's really important to change your mindset.

If you're like me, you get these obsessive crushes because you feel like there's something missing in your life. You see a really cute guy and instantly project all your dreams and needs onto him. But he's just some guy, another young flawed human being. And chances are, he's not going to give you what you need.

I think the solution is just learning to be that person for yourself. Validate yourself, care for yourself, and basically be your own boyfriend. Focus on your goals and the woman you want to be. Remember that everything you need, you already have within yourself. Become so confident in who you are, that when you see a guy you like, you know that he can't give you anything that you're not already giving yourself.

nowheyrose · 2020-09-03T05:02:44+00:00

[deleted]

Alpha_Aries · 2020-09-03T04:55:02+00:00

this seems counterintuitive, but it really helps (and is supposed to work with anxiety, too): acceptance. accept you're not gonna be perfect and you'll slip up and just be kind to yourself. change takes a long time. if you find yourself crushing on a guy, don't berate yourself. just be like, "oh, i'm noticing i'm thinking a lot about this guy. that's totally understandable, Queen, because i have some self-work to do. it'll take time. let's focus on something else."

i also learned that in psychotherapy. she called it "thought stopping positive redirection" or something.

glowingupasafds · 2020-09-03T07:23:17+00:00

i was the same at 22!!!! i’m 23 now which is not a big jump lmao but in the time span from 22 to 23 i dated the biggest LVM i’ve ever met and i wish i could go back and tell myself to just focus on myself. i do completely understand guys and romance and crushes taking up your mind and idealizing these guys. the above advice is really good, just identify your thoughts and be kind to yourself. but also just throw yourself into your work, if anything try to idolize someone hot in your line of work, try to be like them, etc. anything that will push you towards being a better person. these men ain’t worth it girl 😭

throwaway23004345 · 2020-09-03T04:32:51+00:00

Honestly I’m 27 and in a similar boat. I also have trauma as well that I relive in my head lol so I can’t say much as far as advice but I do relate

AverageToHot · 2020-09-03T18:14:57+00:00

I wrote a post on how to stop crushing on people.

Title	How to stop thinking about men/relationships? I’m tired.
Author	Bluemonroe26
Upvotes	20
Comments	15
Date	September 2, 2020 5:58 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ilbu67/how_to_stop_thinking_about_menrelationships_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-to-stop-thinking-about-menrelationships-im.217085 https://theredarchive.com/post/217085

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