Length of time before marriage

idiosyncraticg1 · 2021-02-02T22:55:40+00:00

You can still discuss marriage even though you’re not ready for it. If you know this is the person you want to marry at a certain point in time, then ensure that he also wants the same. You can wait as long as you want to as long as you know that your bf is waiting for you to be ready and is not taking advantage of wifey privileges/not looking to get married ever

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-02-02T23:09:38+00:00

There’s a huge difference between being young and wanting to wait and build your life up before you make such a huge commitment. I don’t think anyone on FDS would say an 18-20 year old needs to marry her partner in a year. Stability and life experience are extremely important to the foundation of marriage.

Marriage should be a timeline you’re comfortable with, not a timeline where the man is kicking a can down the road and stringing you along.

kcookie94 · 2021-02-03T01:36:55+00:00

my brother and his wife were engaged for 2.5 years! they wanted to enjoy their time engaged. my brother probably would have married her the day after he proposed but she had some deep rooted family issues/trauma she needed to work through. they are so in love it’s crazy.

circescircus · 2021-02-02T23:51:51+00:00

First of all, why do you even want to get married? I'm a happily married woman, and I'm seriously asking you this. For me, I wanted to get married ONLY if I could find a high caliber partner who I could build a life with. At the minimum. I had a dozen other conditions that had to be met as well, in order for me to consider it. Ask yourself, WHY do you want to get married? This is step 1.

Step 2. What kind of person do you want to be married to, what kind of married life do you want to have?

If your mind is blanking, you have not thought about this at all. And that's a dangerous position to be in.

As for when he should be asking to be in a relationship-- men know basically RIGHT AWAY if they want to be with you or not. They'll know after the first date if they want you to be their girlfriend. That doesn't mean they will ask you to be their girlfriend right then and there, but their actions will follow a pattern of investment, of trying to make you eliminate other options, because they are into you. Men with more tact will try to not creep you out by asking too early, but they definitely will not put it off for too long, definitely nowhere near the realm of 2-3 months. Indecision is disinterest, taking 2-3 months is indecision, and it is disinterest, disinterest = you're a convenience, not an opportunity. Also, the guy asking you to be his girlfriend quickly isn't always a good thing, it usually isn't. It just means the guy has a high level of interest in you, high enough that he wants to lock you down and make you eliminate other options, it speaks nothing about his character or values. And the title of girlfriend means less than nothing.

"However, what if you're dating but not yet ready for marriage, i.e., you are considering marriage 4-5 years down the line, but not now?"

5 years is a long time, you could do a lot of things in that time besides date someone you're unsure about marrying. I'm a decisive person, I knew I wanted to marry my husband by the time he proposed, but that took me a long time, over 1 year. I was vetting him for that long, I wasn't waiting around for him to call all of the shots. No way in hell was I fantasizing about marrying him when we were dating for 3 months, 6 or even 9 months. It took me a full 1.5 years, but when I made the decision, I really decided.

I end relationships the moment I realize I cannot envision a future with the person. I've just never been in a long relationship leading to nothing and nowhere, so I don't know what to say about that. I do believe that investing in your career, education, passions is a better use of half a decade though.

felicitybean82 · 2021-02-03T00:26:27+00:00

I met my HVM in August and we discussed aspirations for children on our first date. I made it clear that marriage was a prerequisite for children, which he agreed with.

A few months down the line and we have discussed a few times our mutual desire for marriage and children together if things continue to go as well as they are.

I have a beautiful pair of 18ct rose gold earrings that he purchased for me for Christmas, and so he already knows my style for a ring in time 😄

pao664 · 2021-02-03T13:57:27+00:00

1 year is a good rule of thumb. Any less you don’t know him. Anymore- he’s dragging his feet. That’s old school advice though and I’m sure I’ll get down voted.

sassyheather · 2021-02-03T08:28:57+00:00

I don’t think there is a “one size fits all” when it comes to that. It’s all about what you want and how you see your future and whether the man by your side sees it the same way. Idgaf what some people say, I will not get married after 2-3 years of relationship. At that time me and my bf will still be focused on our studies, me finding a job as a foreigner and saving money for our future. BUT are we both on the same page about being married and starting a family and having a child after our education? Yes, that we are.

candyfox84 · 2021-02-03T16:55:26+00:00

For me personally, it's more about being on the same page as my partner than a specific timeline. If you're not ready, definitely wait. There is no shame in waiting, only you know what's right for you.

I think the rules of FDS are intended to warn women against extended courtships where the male partner clearly does not want marriage, and the relationship has reached a plateau. Again, there is nothing wrong with that if it meets both partners needs, marriage is not a requirement.

I have infertility, for example, so marriage isn't very important to me. I would probably prefer not to get married for another 2-3 years, but my partner would like to engaged in the next year or so. I'm also blessed with a good job, a stable financial situation, and put 20% towards my retirement. If my goal was to have children, this would look very different.

Title	Length of time before marriage
Author	Ashitaga
Upvotes	97
Comments	20
Date	February 2, 2021 10:36 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lb8nun/length_of_time_before_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/length-of-time-before-marriage.740569 https://theredarchive.com/post/740569

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