Gentlemen,

I wanted to share my current situation with you all, hopefully some of you will learn something from my experience.

While getting divorced, (15 year relationship, 8 1/2 years married, two young children), due to my wife's affair, she gradually became more and more unbalanced, blaming me more and more for her decision to have the affair and to continue it. No surprise there, why should be be held accountable for her actions, right?

It reached a head in October, 2017 and during an argument she boxed me into a corner, stood chest to chest, touching me, screaming, finger in my face, and despite my asking and telling her to back off me, she refused. I was terrified and I pushed her away from me, at which point she screamed, and ran away. I learned a few minutes later, she was running to call the police. I was interviewed soon after and taken to jail on a 24 hour hold, but no charges were pressed at the time.

I was released on a bond the next day, with as no contact order against me keeping me from contacting her, or from going to my house. I missed out on seeing my kids for two weeks. I saw them after two weeks only because my inlaws arranged to have them a couple nights and invited me over so I could see them. The no contact has been in place since Oct 2017, with one amendment to allow contact through a family member to coordinate my time with my kids on weekends.

The court delayed everything several times but I finally had my trial yesterday, five months later and, as everyone here can guess, I was found guilty of domestic violence.

Here's the fun part. The Prosceutor asked me if I was scared at the time, I said yes, I was terrified. She asked my why didn't I call police then. I told her, because I'm x feet tall, weigh x pounds, I didn't believe anyone would believe that I was scared of a woman a foot shorter and half my weight.

Nothing matters, in a 'he said, she said" situation, men will always lose. The judge denied that I was acting in self defense, trying to desclate the situation, despite testimony from my ex that she was the aggressor. He repeated my statement back to me in his comments, that with your height and weight, I do not believe you were scared.

So. The Judge literally proved my exact point of why I didn't call the cops. Thank you Judge for perpetuating the stereotype that women can do no wrong. Thank you for the prejudice of "a big man can't be scared". I assume he's going to run for public office soon and wants to say "I convicted 98% of all DV cases, whether the man was guilty or not".

So, some lessons. Never stick your dick in crazy. Never marry crazy. When crazy, goes crazy, always have an escape plan and path. All the hours of recordings of her arguing with me, screaming at me, yelling in front of the kids, her threats, all recorded, none of it was allowed to be admitted. That she did this to remove me from my home, take my kids, take my paycheck, leave me homeless and living on the charity of friends and family; none of it mattered to this judge. Her own be letters, hand written and signed, saying she wanted me gone, nope, not admissable.

Now, this judge was clearly biased, twisting things to fit his own agenda, my attorney pointed out several flaws in his comments, reasons, and allowances in his decision. We will be appealing to the next higher court as so soon as possible. However, while I'm appealing, I have probation, abuser group counseling, fines, community service, and still have no contact complicating time with my kids, no alcohol (even though no alcohol was involved, and I have no alcohol issues).

It's shitty, it's prejudiced, it's sexist, and it's not going to change any time soon. I'll fight the good fight, but I suspect it's a losing battle. Meanwhile, the ex is in my house, with my kids, with no penalty, no chance of retribution, no need to worry about repaying me for the damages she's caused. Must be nice to have a vagina, sure wish I could use a pussy pass for my actions and responsibilities.

Gentleman, please, learn from this, ordinary scenario. We are assumed to be guilty in any scenario. Act accordingly, and plan ahead.

Editing in one more item. I screwed up thinking "hey, I have several friends and family that are cops, there good people just doing a job". That didn't work out well for me.

If you have a similar situation and have police there interviewing you, be polite, be cooperative to a limit, say as little as possible, ask for an attorney or to contact your attorney. I should have said "our divorce as gotten bitter and she has called you out to try and discredit me in our divorce court. For any more information, I'd like to contact my attorney and she can answer your questions".