Edit: Dear mods, since this was my first post, I wasn't sure how to tag it as "discussion".

One of the things I've noticed on the sub is the belief in the "deadbeat dad" - that is, the father who is absent and/or cannot pay. These dads, they say, willingly abandon their kids, leaving the mom to raise them alone. Furthermore, the narrative is that these men are just not coughing up enough cash for the kids. They're missing payments, are lazy or aren't interested in working.

Certainly, there must be a few deadbeats who have abandoned their families. But by far the majority have been paying, even though there's the view that they're not interested. The issue is, though, that they're not getting visitation rights or the moms have been violating the court ordered mandate to allow dad some visitation time.

Here's a video that highlights the issue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OY0tarD1Ht4

Here's another link with some stats about the issue: http://brandongaille.com/23-deadbeat-dads-statistics/

It has a link to the video, but here's some interesting bits from the stats:

In 2012, there was over $100 billion in unpaid child support payments.

  1. 34.1% of fathers in the United States are under an order to pay child support to their children right now.
  2. Only 72.9% of children are actually receiving the child support that they have been court ordered to receive.
  3. The most common reason why fathers decide not to pay child support is because they don’t receive any visitation rights.

And further down:

  1. Over 90% of the fathers who are ordered to pay child support do so when they receive joint custody of their children.
  2. Only 44.5% of fathers who receive no visitation rights choose to pay court ordered child support.
  3. 25% of single mothers with full custodial support don’t receive any child support because the father cannot afford to pay it.
  4. 20% of single mothers have made agreements with fathers outside of the court system to pay for child needs.
  5. There are 11% of single mothers that do not have any child support orders whatsoever.
  6. Deadbeat dads account for 7% of the cases of child support not being paid. That translates into 1 out of every 14 families.

Now, the consequences for failing to pay seems to be jail time. Poor men are going to jail for, essentially, being poor. There are some suggestions in the article on how to fix the problems, but the central concern seems to be about custody. In a single parent home, men are at the whim of the mother. If she doesn't want the kids to see him, he has no choice but to respect her wishes. Also, when a census is conducted, they usually only ask the moms if they've been getting the child support they should be getting without checking with dads whether they've paid. This can lead to biased results, especially from women who feel they deserve more than what they're getting.

In a divorce, things are a little trickier. Women usually do win custody of the children and it is not uncommon for men to just give up what they perceive to be an uphill battle. They do love their kids, and since women usually initiate divorce at a higher rate than men do, it can come as a rather shocking revelation that they may never see their kids again. Mom can also make things rather difficult for dad, especially if she exhibits traits of "Malicious Mother Syndrome":

http://family.findlaw.com/paternity/what-is-malicious-mother-syndrome.html

https://maliciousmothersyndrome.blogspot.tw/p/divorce-related-malicious-mother.html

On the above blog there are examples describing instances when moms have alienated their kids, lied to them or their fathers, attacked and harassed the fathers, or attempted to turn their kids against their fathers as a way to punish the dads.

It seems as though things are stacked against dads. There are even cases where women have abused the system to score child support from men who are not the father: http://www.wxyz.com/news/judge-says-man-must-pay-30k-in-child-support-for-kid-who-is-not-his

What are some solutions to these issues? Should parents be given equal custody by default, including out of wedlock? According to the stats, kids growing up in a fatherless home are 20 times more likely to end up in prison. http://www.fathermag.com/news/2778-stats.shtml

Depriving children of their dads just isn't working. Should custody laws be changed? Do dads have any recourse if moms just don't want dad around? What does he do when she attempts to turn the kids against him? I know the present cultural narrative is that dads are not the most astute and are portrayed as bumbling fools in the media, but in real life the consequences of cutting men out of their kids' lives is placing a tremendous burden on society.

Any thoughts from PPD?

Bonus point: Anyone like the title? ;)

TL;DR Dads getting the short end of the stick in custody, child support and visitation, and discussing potential solutions to the problem.