Since puberty, I (26f) have really struggled to form close, lasting friendships with women. Some part of this is that I’m neurodivergent. So most of my friendships tend to be with other high functioning neurodivergent people, and there are just a lot more men in that group than women. However, when I do befriend women, I find that over time the friendship becomes pretty one-sided, with most of the enthusiasm / desire to spend time coming from me.

Some of the problem, I’m sure, has to do with me being bad at carrying conversations and knowing how and when to ask more personal questions. Could make it tiring for whoever I’m with.

I suspect another part of it is that I often get slotted into a “patient” role. I’ve got a lot of mental health issues and a history of trauma. I make a real effort not to talk about it very often (and to have a good time / be positive with others even when I’m struggling!), but it always comes out with my female friends eventually because they always ask (and then follow up on it!). After some time, I suspect they feel like they have to take care of me and can’t lean on me for support in their own lives.

I hate this ^ dynamic and don’t know what to do about it. It’s made it so hard to have close friendships.

Does anyone have advice? Do these things remind you of anyone you know in your own life? Please tell it to me straight. I would really appreciate some outside takes on this kind of thing, or suggestions about what I could be doing and how to improve, if anyone has ideas.