Pre-first date method for a 31F

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-10-07T03:19:19+00:00

Well, I commend you for knowing what you want, but I would say that phone calls or FaceTime are perks, but probably shouldn't be must-haves. Some people just find that really awkward and would rather just meet in person. For the most part, if you meet in public, the worst that will happen is that his pictures are misleading. It's an awkward date, but its also pretty rare with guys who agree to meet early. I would suggest two weeks.

I don't know how hyperbolic you're being when you say you "grill" them about the important stuff, but I'd suggest trying to do this as organically as possible through more casual discussions. The occasional straight up "Do you want kids" isn't terrible, but people also don't like to feel interviewed. The caution toward being "unequally yoked" is also just as important for non-believers. Religion is a fundamental difference that can cause all kinds of problems.

I chatted with an attractive 35M who has my same ethnic background, said he doesnt want casual but just wants to meet the right person and see where it goes, thought my timeline was kind of fast but he still wants to meet me to see if we click. This makes me hesitant but idk if im asking for too much too soon. Do I go for a first date? He also mentioned he had a live in gf of 6 years and he didnt propose...sigh.

You're being too intense about this, for yourself and potential partners. I get that you don't want to waste time, but to some degree, that's just the cost of doing business. Talk about more casual, even trivial things, and let these bigger issues come up more organically over the week or so before you meet, as you get to know each other. You do have to attract them, too. A lot of the big issues will come up if he's trying to find something serous. You just don't have to open with them all personally. You also don't have to know all the answers before you can even meet.

If you've found a guy who has no obvious dealbreakers, then meet him. If there's some fundamental difference, it'll likely come up in the first date or two. My husband was my first fourth date. Everyone else proved incompatibile before it got that far. You're trying to get too much information too fast and it's likely scaring off some good guys or causing you to next them because you don't have every answer. If you just slow down a little, I think you'll get all the information you need in only a slightly longer period of time, without jumping the gun.

xangeloffduty · 2025-10-07T05:15:20+00:00

Men can tell when you just want them to fill a certain role in your life. This is coming off a bit too intense. I suggest taking the first two dates to organically meet the other person with an open mind and also show up as your best version yourself (since he also has to be attracted to you, it's not all about what you want), then you can make a choice to continue pursuing something...

prosperity4me · 2025-10-07T06:12:03+00:00

You are interacting with men in a masculine manner. What is your desire here what brought you to this sub? Are you meeting men that are passive that you aren’t attracted to? Do you want a male-led relationship?

Have you read the sidebar? What are your thoughts on feminine energy in dating and relationships?

Jenneapolis · 2025-10-07T14:23:28+00:00

One of the most common complaints of men dating women in their 30s is that they feel these women only want marriage and kids and doesn't see them as people or want to get to know them as an individual. Your approach might make a man feel this way. Men want to be chosen and adored for who they are, not selected because you are running out of time and just want to be married.

For the 35M, how soon were you sharing a timeline with him? It sounds like you did this before even a first date? If so, this is too soon.

Read Surrendered Single or even the book club summaries here we did this summer. You would benefit from adding more girl game and fun and light into your dating vs. pressure. There is a way to balance it, and you need to look to find that balance.

eggzndbacon · 2025-10-07T07:10:36+00:00

Taking a few steps back and enjoying the process really helped me. I met my husband 5 years ago, we just got married (I was 22 when we met but felt slightly desperate to find a long term partner). It wasn’t until I changed my mindset that I found such a great guy. I went into our first date with 0 expectations except just seeing if he was a good guy. We ended up talking for hours and now he is truly my best friend. All of the other things come naturally when two people are truly compatible. It will be less about “do you want kids?” type of questions and more about loving each other- which leads to marriage and kids with men who are genuinely normal, good guys. My husband has told me that if I grilled him early on, he would’ve been a little scared and turned off, maybe leading to it not working out, simply out of fear that I would be expecting a lot from him from the beginning. Most men are not into that, as much as we want them to be! Trust me I wished I could’ve just jumped into things but that had never worked for me beforehand. I know it’s different at 31, but you are not an old lady. You still have time to let things progress naturally. And that doesn’t mean waiting years before talking about that stuff. Waiting for after a few dates to see if you even want kids and marriage with him will feel much more natural and less pressure when it’s brought up. Good luck!

manolosandmartinis44 · 2025-10-07T06:09:44+00:00

He also mentioned he had a live in gf of 6 years

How old was he at the time?

My husband lived with his (then) partner 5 years -- college and uni -- without proposing, but proposed to me when I was in hospital a few months into our relationship (or so he assures me, I was undergoing cancer treatment and so had, understandably, more immediate concerns).

AutoModerator · 2025-10-07T02:05:07+00:00

Title: Pre-first date method for a 31F

Author imnot1234

Full text: Hi all,

I am looking to get married after being engaged once when i was 28, and my 2nd relationship was 6 months ago. We were not compatible but did go look at rings 7 months in.

Now im staring to date again, and wont date anyone who isnt looking for a ltr leading to marriage.

Tell me what I can do to improve my method

Currently: match with a guy who only has ltr or life partner on hinge, ask for a phone call or ft date before a first date, and drill them with long term questions after some banter. Do you want marriage/kids, whats the timeline etc?

But I cant help but be a turned off by guys who just seem religious(im not), or even just overly eager or pandering, it makes me feel like I can walk all over them and I lose attraction.

Other guys who im compatible with, and I meet them, I just find myself being so uninterested and frustrated that i dont like them? Maybe the lack of conversation, idk...

I chatted with an attractive 35M who has my same ethnic background, said he doesnt want casual but just wants to meet the right person and see where it goes, thought my timeline was kind of fast but he still wants to meet me to see if we click. This makes me hesitant but idk if im asking for too much too soon. Do I go for a first date?

Thanks for the tips.

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Title	Pre-first date method for a 31F
Author	imnot1234
Upvotes	0
Comments	36
Date	October 7, 2025 2:05 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1o02cn7/prefirst_date_method_for_a_31f/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/pre-first-date-method-for-a-31f.1563601 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563601

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