Advice Needed for a Young 23M

starlb · 2023-04-15T07:18:13+00:00

(1) Reframe

You're looking to self-improve. You're making strides in making money and being fit. You must do the same with the aspect you're trying to work on. Instead of treating it differently (read theory, reorganize your life) - treat it the same. You must reframe how you look at women: you are looking to improve the skill of flirting and excitement-inducing social skills.

Just like you go to the gym on a daily basis. Just like you go to work every day to make money. Choose a time at least in the week (if not daily) to set aside for progress in flirting through real life interactions.

How/when? Well, first of all this should be up to you. Before you read further, you should take a moment, 15 seconds, and think about what would be the easiest (and most desirable to improve in) way(s) to flirt...

Having done that here's some low-key examples: community classes, community/recreational sports or interest clubs (cycling, running, curling), single meetups, gym, speed dating, coffee, Tinder, bar.

(2) Goals

You have to know what you want. Are you looking for the one? (If you said yes, insta fail, AWALT, do not pass go) Are you looking for casual sex? Are you looking to have some quality mid-term plates? Are you looking for a girlfriend? Are you looking merely to become a seductive menace to society that woos women and spurns them? Are you looking for basic confidence that you can flirt?

With the goals in mind you can pursue a correct course of action. Tinder game is different than coffee shop game which is different than bar game which is different than flirty personality.

Skills do build off each other, but as a newbie the important part is the decisive KNOWING of what you want (and thus your ability to pursue and guide yourself and any lucky ones around you to that goal).

(3) Etc.

Bartending is a terrific goal. There's an article on here about (1) how many RP truths become apparent in alcohol filled industry and (2) how many woman begin to hit on you because you are the dominant, abundant position of distributing alcohol and a figure of authority (and the resulting RP truths that emerge from that experience). Keep that goal.

Being a waiter is a fantastic opportunity. You have constant interaction with a different set of people who you will (many times) not see again. I would suggest this a prime time to practice. I don't mean overt flirting. Small stuff. Ex: body language is massive in communications. Start practicing a more dominant (and, therefore, sexually exciting) body language. Practice slow, relaxed gesture or maybe more masculine definitive movement - depending on your personality/seductive style.

When you greet people slip in some small talk - if it's all women give them all a compliment "What brings three attractive young women to ____'s at 8pm? Will I be dishing out some margarita samplers?" "Is it martini o'clock?". etc. Even with guys, "Welcome to __, my name __... is it Miller Time.. or should I bring out some water?" Flirt/practice lively exchanges with everybody. Some of the best will be older women. They might often be starved for attention. And all of it can be in the guise of trying to earn tips (which is true, there's a reason women statistically get better tips, and why many woman waiters flirt).

On Beta-brained gentleman thoughts: (this is an option) look at actors you admire and find seductively charming. Would you call them ungentlemanly? Yet there's a flirty and seductive edge that draw you and women in. Easy ex: Ryan Reynolds. Is he ungentlemanly? Not really. But he teases with abandon. How does he get away with it? He's cultivated an air conducive to being mean without malintent. Another ex: Chris Evans or Hugh Jackman. Gentlemanly? Yes. Evans scythes through with either (1, as Captain America) his strong boundaries or (2) shameless laughing teasing with an extroverted personable and touchy personality. Jackman similarly teases... Even Pierre Brosnan, or James Bond/Craig - are they classy gentleman, absolutely. But when they're seductive or funny it is that teasing/negging (without fear of causing offense +high SMV ofc) which puts them into the seductive/fuckable category. Disclaimer: actors and movie characters are different categories. Not real life. But it's helpful to see how you can not completely disassociate yourself from gentlemaness but enhance/modify that thought.

Lastly, your goal is to make flirting/getting women seamless. A part of you. Not something to be switched on. The best way to get there is through constant interaction with the world and the people around you. Getting coffee? Slip in a question or compliment or observation to the barista, then the next day to the person waiting next to you for their drink. This is the ultimate version where it's not a "pursuit" of woman, but a lifestyle that brings them in (without compromising your vision/goals/ultimate self).

Tldr; (1) Flirting/social skills is a skill you get better at through small, habitual experiences. (2) Know what you want. (3) Practice social skills/banter while being a waiter en route to bartender. Small steps create habits.

videogames_ · 2023-04-15T02:26:33+00:00

Good you improved yourself first but it’s funny how the subreddit is about discussing sexual strategy and how many posters here want self improvement instead lol.

Social skills, flirting, seduction skills are a different tool. You can read the sidebar here and take what works. Basically instead of agreeing all the time, tease the girl playfully. Instead of talking nervously, let the ho talk the majority of the time while you let her qualify herself to you. Learn when to make a move to kiss the girl when you see she’s interested. These are different tools that you’re hiding away from because your self improvement is your excuse. You need to do all of it.

whatsthisgarg · 2023-04-15T03:33:13+00:00

paging /u/Tousen71

lololol

and lol

this is why you DON'T tell young guys to "not focus on getting women"

it does not take practice, it only requires just doing it, just talking to women, 5 minutes here and 5 minutes there

you need to pursue women when you are young or you are going to end up being mid-thirties with no fucking experience

waiting until you are "self-actualized" (lol which doesn't happen until you are way much older and usually not at all) to actually have meaningful sexual interactions with women is about the dumbest thing you could possibly do

hot chicks aren't out here waiting for you to get "self-actualized", they are out there getting railed

seriously, for FUCK'S sake, any normal man before the internet could spend all the time they needed on their life's purpose, working, eating, sleeping, and also about a cumulative total of ONE HALF-HOUR OF THEIR DAY on pursuing women

57PickUp · 2023-04-15T04:29:55+00:00

Something's not adding up. Prestigious IVY graduates don't make 80k a year working 2 jobs. They especially don't work as waiters.

You do realize health/money and girls are not mutually exclusive. You can go to the gym, make money, and still talk to girls. Stop playing video games for a start.

From my experience, the people who always preach that you should give gym and money 100% focus and ignore women until 10 years later are coping. It's a scapegoat because it's easier to go to the gym and work your 9-5 than to put yourself out there and get rejected by women. It's just mental gymnastics to make yourself feel better: "idc about women, i'm out here building my future and getting jacked".

I call this the self improvement trap. So many guys fall into the self improvement trap. Convincing themselves that women aren't worth the time and they should just focus on themselves. The reality of the situation is that, those men are just too scared to take action to improve their dating lives.

El0vution · 2023-04-15T05:57:17+00:00

“I don’t daygame or nightgame at all” - major problem. Stop being scared you’re in a big city. Get used to being embarrassed. One day you’ll get rejected and you’ll laugh and you’ll realize it’s not that serious. But it takes awhile. Start approaching!!!!

RStonePT · 2023-04-16T17:28:45+00:00

TRP has been about becoming a man first for me and getting women second

First step is to admit you lied to yourself and listened to retards.

onetwofree4five · 2023-04-17T02:39:27+00:00

I moved to Boston when I was 21-23. Basically I spent a shit ton of time and money at bars, got into fights with dudes who were bigger than me, bought the motorcycle that was too fast for me and picked up bitches on it, and made a lot of questionable friends along the way.

Now that I got that bullshit out of my system, its just about saying Hi to anyone and seeing what they can bring to the table, and more importantly what you can bring to them. Thats how you expand your “network” - be a selfless motherfucking man and just make friends and improve their lives. That’ll make you a leader of your network, and women will naturally fucking come into you.

Nobldy knows you now? PERFECT. Be a leader in every social interaction and you’ll develop a quick reputation.

MattyAnon · 2023-04-17T18:33:03+00:00

I find deviating from this behavior to be difficult, as I always imagined the ideal man to be kind and a gentleman to everyone.

This isn't your imagination, this is your indoctrination.

I am asking for advice from those who are more experienced to help nudge me in the right direction. Should I keep pursuing becoming a self-actualized man?

Yes! It won't get you women, but it's good for YOU.

Ok, what you do is this:

Be as physically attractive as possible. All the other stuff is nice, but this gets you a foot in the door. <= 10% body fat. Bit fit, active and healthy, and when you reach 10% BF, grow as many muscles as you can. Lift, eat well, etc.

Regardless of what everyone tells you, getting started with women involves being physically attractive, and the easiest way to do that is slim, low body fat, muscular definition, thin out your face.

Obviously dress well.

Then socialise as much as you can. With women if possible, but find an activity you enjoy and go do it with people. Search meetup, look everywhere, jump at opportunities. Anything with any women at all. Doesn't matter if you fuck up and literally shit your pants when you turn up, you are going to do it until you can go socialise with random people, and then keep doing it.

From there you try to be attractive, socialise, meet people. This may get you girls. But more importantly it gets you social. From there progress to daygame or nightgame AS WELL.

As regards women: stop trying to be friends with women. Try to fuck them or move on. No friends, no friendliness, no agreeableness and no doing anything for them, at all, ever. They do not find this behaviour attractive, so stop doing it. You don't have to be a dick, but you must escalate with them physically and you must do nothing for them (they encourage provider behaviour and then they won't fuck you if you fall for it). Or keep being a niceguy virgin. Your choice.

4ktx · 2023-04-15T03:36:24+00:00

Guys who pull a lot of access to many women. You need something that generates you leads. OLD maybe day game etc etc.

Then just go in a date hang out with the girl focus on the experience rather then the vocals.

South_Dig_9172 · 2023-04-15T04:18:28+00:00

maybe u need to lower down the working and prioritize talking to girls instead

GideonZotero · 2023-04-15T05:57:01+00:00

Do dancing classes - preferably classy dancing courses - ball-room or tango - since your target isn't strippers and shwathy's.

Put money to the side and try to progress professionally. Make some accounting choices. Happiness can be found all over, it's just harder to find and much more expensive to look for it in large metropolitan areas.

Start lifting.

AdProper5967 · 2023-04-16T07:41:00+00:00

If you watched old Hamza videos (4 months or older) on YouTube you'll know how to get that kind of sex but now he says it's bad for you it is this but if that's what you want And you might also get in Hamza's rabbit hole he's the best the at self improvement and shit it'll transform your life He went from the virgin stupid and kind guy to the guy all girls wanna fuck you'll get shit ton of value from him

hitlicks4aliving · 2023-04-22T00:49:00+00:00

I’m the same age as you but self employed. What worked for me is getting some nicer fashion, clothes, car, etc. Staying somewhat fit. Some hobbies such as going to the range. Then you will post this online or generate leads in person when a girl talks to you about them. Basically it’s a way to start a convo and then you run your game. Then focus on retaining some but the longer you keep a girl around the more she gone push for a relationship. What gone happen is most your girls drop off by week 3 or 4. Maybe 1 in 5 will stick around if you’re really good in bed but don’t expect much loyalty. Some will jump ship and get in a relationship with a lower SMV dude, once it don’t work out they’ll come back and get some d. They will get ruder near the end that’s how you know it’s time to replace them. You gone dedicate your happiness to your craft or hobbies and it won’t bother you. Also keep them out your phone cause they’ll flip out and turn into amber heard. Once you spend a bunch of time around girls they become very predictable.

Also your nice car will randomly break down so be warned lmao keep a few boring cars around. Variety is a good thing.

My n count is around 90, I really don’t know, but I barely passed college because of it. Had to slow down in order to not become bankrupt cause I was out eating and drinking and banging more than working. So now I’m undoing that damage but I should find the right balance eventually.

tambourine_goddess · 2023-04-26T05:00:32+00:00

I mean, maybe start by redefining your vernacular in regards to women. No self-respecting woman wants to be with a man that calls her entire sex 'hoes'.

Title	Advice Needed for a Young 23M
Author	dmsama
Upvotes	10
Comments	43
Date	April 15, 2023 2:15 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/12mmepf/advice_needed_for_a_young_23m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/advice-needed-for-a-young-23m.1214534 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214534

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