In my TRP journey, I've learned a lot that can span several more posts. From health, fighting depression, to what I've learned in elementary pick up, and dealing with people in new and better ways. Today, I want to share an anecdote on health and body building.

Body

When I’m out running, I push myself hard. I keep running if my legs have more running in them. I ignore my fatigue.

It wasn't always like this. When I first started running, I gasped for air like I was drowning. I set some requirements for each of my running sessions:

  • I have to be glistening in sweat in 1 hour
    • If I'm not taking off my shirt during the session I didn't sweat enough
  • My lungs have to hurt when I breathe at some point in 1 hour
  • I'm allowed to gasp for air and flounder the first 2 laps and then after that I have to get my act together
  • I'm allowed a break at the 30 minute mark where I mostly walk
  • After the 30 minute mark I must build my breathing back up and begin increasing my speed
  • Bonus points if I get a runners high at the 30 minute mark, that means I'm doing good

Bouncing Back

Attempting to work out the first several times in my 20s I had friends and observers tell me I was escaping the pain. I had NO fucking idea what they were talking about. From my perspective, I was out. Everything I had to give was spent and my body was clearly telling me to stop. Now, all by myself, I have discovered what the hell they meant after all this time.

I have caught myself escaping from the pain. For the first month I spent a lot of time trying to 'catch' myself in the act of slipping away. I'd slow down, I'd zone out, and forget how long I'd been zoned out for. This is what it feels like: You've exhausted yourself running or lifting heavy weights. An overwhelming feeling rushes over you. Your mind starts thinking about everything and anything. From the bullshit you're dealing with to the great moments you've had. It feels just like a runner's high except that it's brief and comes after the overwhelming feeling. It’s fine to revert inward for a short time to collect yourself, but you have to bounce back. Collect yourself by finding something comforting, positive, or motivating in your memories and then stop thinking and start working out again. That is what they mean when they say embrace the pain and adrenaline.

Straining

I catch myself squinting my eyes and straining my head. Why? My eyes see because I look. My head thinks because I do. I’m putting unnecessary strain on my body. It sounds like a contradiction but I have found that if I feel absolutely exhausted and I need to relax my face, breathing, and act like I'm training and NOT suffering.

I have found that if I act like I’m working out and training then I do better. I have found that if I act, take the proper form for running hard, that it’s easier for me to keep up the pace than starting out at a slow jog. In fact, when my feet are hurting and sore, it’s easier to jump right into the form of a sprint than it is to jog because jogs make my feet hurt worse.

Willpower vs Acting Like It

Which comes first, the act or the will? If emotions were the fuel we needed to get shit done, then nature would have supplied it.

But nature didn't. Did it?

If the will isn’t present, get in the motion. Act like you’re doing what you need to do at full force. The will follows.

Beating the Bitch Out Of You

When I’m breathing hard and gasping for air, when I’m groaning after completing a set, I’m effectively beating the little bitch out of me. That groan sounds like the moan from the little bitch that I've fucked. I'm effectively beating the little bitch inside of me into submission with my own dominant willpower.

It's perfectly fine to stop. It's perfectly fine to have days where you pull back a little to prevent serious injuries. You won't break your PR every workout. Not every day will be the best day you've had in fitness. But you have to pick it up again. Quitting is only stopping and not bouncing back. So bounce back quicker.

Lessons Learned

  • It took 2 months of dedication to begin collecting myself in the middle of exhaustion
  • Act like it (to the fullest) and the will follows
  • Straining is unnecessary. It takes a while to realize it's a bad habit. You can be relaxed and be exerting yourself at the same time.
  • If nature had ever wanted us to rule by emotion, it would have supplied the right emotions to get shit done. It didn't. So it must not be the way.
  • Dedicate yourself and watch the little bitch leave the body