Casual dating consequences

Westernhagen · 2018-02-22T19:57:15+00:00

I still know that ultimately I want that committed, cohabitating relationship

She had one... a year ago... but she decided her husband was boring and she'd like to get back on the carousel for a while. Now she is overwhelmed with choices. Possibly her plethora of choices will last, but at age 39, she'd better not count on it.

loneliness-inc · 2018-02-22T20:27:01+00:00

Here's a copy of her oldest post, which is on the DB sub. For anyone who spent more than 3 days observing that sub - you've seen variations of this story hundreds of times.

Here's how it always goes. Hubby works hard to give wifey everything her heart desires. Wifey gets booooored and unhaaaaapy and slowly loses her desire for sex. Rejections begin to accumulate for hubby until he's had enough. He takes TRP and begins to focus on himself and his own happiness, often times this includes new hobbies. Wifey realizes one day that he's giving her less and less attention (oh no!!!) And suddenly (shock of all shocks) she's always interested in sex!

Hubby sees right through the bullshit (either consciously or subconsciously) and doesn't bite the bait. Wifey tries harder and harder to seduce him. The harder she tries, the less he bites. She comes to DB (or other online forums) to complain and gets heaps of sympathy from complete strangers who automatically take her side and call him a jerk (something that hardly ever happens when the genders are reversed). Eventually, she's convinced that divorce from this "asshole" is the way to go.

She gets divorced and tries dating again. She gets pumped and dumped again and again. She falls into depression and lives out the rest of her sorry days with cats and nothing left (as she deserves!)

That's the story of marriage these days. Now read it in her own words. If you really want some entertainment, read some of her other posts.

I know you can't tell me how to fall in love with him (unless you can! Is there a step by step info graphic?) but I'm hoping someone has a story or advice or something that will put me on the right track.

We've been together for over a decade, married for half that, and I remember when we first started dating wanting nothing more than to get him home and tear his clothes off. But now, when he tries to make a move at bedtime, I don't feel anything for him.

I love him, he's kind, patient, generous and loving. He gets along with all my friends, and everybody adores him. He's handy around the house, takes my car to be washed, and is very good at reheating leftovers (I do most of the cooking).

Somewhere between back then and now, I think domestic life got in the way. Spontaneous sexcapades were put on hold for "later", for when we weren't running late or didn't have a movie to get to or for after grocery shopping... dumb things like that. He also picked up a couple new hobbies that took up a lot of his time = less attention for me. I went through a pouty period (yeah, I know) where I wasn't in the mood for sex because I was annoyed at his lack of time for me.

Then I switched BC and wanted sex ALL THE TIME. Which was too much for him and he started turning me down at night because he was too tired. It got to the point where I stopped asking or trying.

He makes a point of taking a weekend every month to make sure he spends it with me and we're doing something fun. This is how I know he loves me and is trying to make an effort.

Couple this with the fact that I joined a gym and lost 15 pounds (which is noticeable for me) and he's gained 40 since we got married... I won't pretend it doesn't play a part in all this.

But I love him. And I love it when he wraps his arms around me. I want to be in love with him again, so when he reaches for me at night I'm eager to reach back. I would suggest therapy, but I really don't think he thinks anything is wrong and bringing up therapy would be like blindsiding him.

tl,dr; I used to want to jump my husband 24/7, now I don't and I don't know where to start to find that spark again

oldmanlogan76 · 2018-02-23T13:59:14+00:00

These fucking woman-child's and their ongoing quest to "find themselves" is so fucking banal and idiotic. Grow the fuck up.

I wanted to find myself too....when I was 20. I went to Goa and and ate mushrooms, Tibet to find enlightenment, Thailand to live in a hippy/diver commune. Then I realized it's all bullshit and no amount of drugs or pussy will make me find myself.

Life is all bout making it as pleasurable and comfortable for yourself as you can. Endure life when it's shit and enjoy it when it's not.

moorekom · 2018-02-22T21:47:34+00:00

//Do I not come across as someone to take seriously?//

Ha ha ha.. that, to me, is the highlight.

Rationalbacon · 2018-02-23T09:13:41+00:00

in my opinion she is damaged beyond repair, the more more you "play the field" and consider dating the wide selection of never ending choice the less likely you are to commit and be faithful so any man with a brain will be put off from her dating past and next her, because why commit to someone who has a belief that the market is never ending and always available and refreshing with new opportunities etc.

p3ngwin · 2018-02-23T05:11:41+00:00

but, i've never been one to turn down something less serious or committed if i liked the guy, because i also want to go out and have fun and have someone tell me i'm adorable while i keep searching for "my person".

Translation:

i have no self control, i'm impulsive, i'm neurotically loney to the extent that i want to constantly "have fun" (fuck around) while hoping they fill in the lonely times and tell me i'm "adorable" even though i really don't want them, because i want a serious relationship with "my person".

Typical entitled person who wants it all without consequences.

ECoast_Man · 2018-02-23T19:12:15+00:00

Sub - Datingover30

Age - 39

LOL. Just holding on to the last year before she has to find the dating over 40 sub.

Mister_Shitlord_2U · 2018-02-24T18:46:19+00:00

The next time she posts will be about how her ex-husband is getting remarried and she can't stop thinking about him, misses him terribly.

StoneTempleFlyboy · 2018-02-28T15:52:47+00:00

I like the investigative work on this. A compilation of traced of posts from r/deadbedrooms, to r/divorce, to r/datingoverthirty, to r/therapy, to r/everythingcats would be a good sub in and of itself. Would be as an important body of work, observing the rationalisation hamster in its natural habit, as Jane Goodall's work with silverbacked gorillas.

Mein_Tarnaccount · 2018-03-12T14:52:04+00:00

And the top comments are other post-wallers talking about themselves. Gee, I wonder if there might be a connection

trevmon · 2018-02-23T13:53:56+00:00

I like how men respond to that as if they have relatable dating experiences

Title	Casual dating consequences
Author	sleepyweaselisawake
Upvotes	88
Comments	33
Date	February 22, 2018 6:13 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/7zgz8a/casual_dating_consequences/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/casual-dating-consequences.350040 https://theredarchive.com/post/350040

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