39, married 10y, 3 kids under 8, dead bedroom (1x/month)

4 weeks into MRP. Lifelong lifter, emotional part of frame is weak, intellectual is good.

Reading WISNIFG, MMSLP, Rollo, Sidebar, Rien Stone, archives

Read: NMMNG, WOTSM

Wife drinks and parties a lot. When she does, she is very disrespectful and dismissive of me in front of others, and neglects the kids. In the past 3 months I’ve established boundaries around this and told her “When you speak to me like that it’s not ok with me.” She interprets this as controlling and says so. I had to lay a boundary down last weekend and this led to a mini breakdown this week.

She is now asking for “space” - not “move out and leave” space, but “I don’t want to talk about it, if we leave it alone it will fix itself” space. Which is fine, STFU is part of the program and I can do that. I am doing that. It’s very clear that she does not see me as the prize, and that attraction is not there. The only thing I want less than a divorce is to continue living in this low connection state.

Question: for those who found themselves here then turned it around, what was the highest impact action you took for yourself first? I’m working on my MAP, doubling down at work, increasing guy time. What else? This is a little bit of a victim puke but fuck it. I never thought I would be as close to ending the marriage as I am these days.