A guy who has recently joined our small company (<10 staff). He's type-A personality, extroverted and sociable, hard working, natural Chad, about 5 years younger than me. I'm older, bigger (lifting for years), more technical and more experienced but my personality is more introverted. We are both good looking guys (no homo) - I guess we would both be considered Chads, we are equal height but I am noticeably bigger and leaner after many years of lifting and I know he is conscious of that (frequently commenting on my physique, always catch his eyes flicking down to my arms or delts.. no homo?).

We get on well, it's refreshing to have someone that I at least have some things in common with in an industry where 90% of the people are on the autism spectrum. His job is customer focused - sales and BA whereas mine is purely technical.

Like I said this guy is a natural extrovert, personality wise the opposite of me. Has a lot of valuable social contacts, plays sports, goes out partying and drinking every weekend. From all this socializing he knows some wealthy and influential people. He is involved with another venture (with more potential than the company one we both work at now) and has introduced me to his business partners who I am already doing some sideline consulting work for. Sounds like a good guy to know.

What I'm trying to deal with is I noticed just recently he is starting to test my frame or subtly disrespect me and see if I'll react. For example:

  • Putting his feet on my car fender to tie his shoes
  • Sees a pack of gum on my desk, snatches it up and grabs some without asking
  • Addressing me as "boss"
  • Commenting on what I'm wearing that day
  • Pulling up a chair and putting his feet on my desk while talking with me
  • Taking up a lot of my time chatting about his work whenever he gets the chance; constantly coming to my desk to chat and distracting me from my own work (which requires focus & concentration, so this can be annoying af)

Usually I can hold frame in situations like this and respond well, but shit like putting your feet on my car or desk is a big disrespect and it makes me rage. In hindsight I think I should have said something (if it was anyone else I definitely would have) but I hesitate because I didn't know how to respond sometimes without directly showing anger and I value the relationship.

I get that he's trying to test me (maybe not, maybe he's just being a dick) but I don't want to overreact either. I feel like this knowing this guy could have potential but I need to be careful dealing with him (he's ambitious and manipulative and I see some dark triad traits in him). I don't want to make him resentful of me but at the same time I couldn't be friends with someone who is constantly trying to fuck with me.

I know I need to be more firm with this guy and express my irritation at disrespect. Showing anger would make me lose frame even more. How would you guys handle a situation like this, give me some ideas or reading material.