I have no problem with the politics of feminism, the real existence of patriarchy, and how while the system is stacked against men in a variety of ways, is still undeniably aimed at hurting women. I never doubted it's existence or how noxious a force it is. But what drew me to the Red Pill when I was younger up to the present day in addition to my own lack of dating experience, was what I perceived as the casual cruelty of women. That's to say judging someone because they can't decide what to do on a date. Judging them for being too afraid to ask someone out. Judging them because they're doormats. I always had a feeling that this was what women liked, and Red Pill confirmed it for me.

When a number of girls my age back in high school and college used to flirt with me in the form of blatantly harassing me, spreading rumors about me, trying to publicly humiliate me, and telling some of their asshole friends to gang up on me, sometimes I'd tell them off or outright ignore them, and that got them going even harder. I didn't understand it at first, truth is I hated it and wanted them to leave me the fuck alone because harassment is harassment and they were nasty people, but Red Pill at the very least made it clear that telling them off is at least standing up for myself and so of course they'd find it attractive. But at the same time, they also made it clear that women don't like weak men, they don't like pushovers, and if you're any of those things you'll never be attractive to a woman. Even a loud-mouthed asshole will be hotter than you because at least he has confidence. For the record, some girls did show interest in me before and were really nice about it but between being in a bad place mentally when they did, and being afraid they might turn on me later, I didn't do it. I know I made the right decision because in hindsight, I realize I was really messed up for a whole lotta reasons, and I know I wouldn't have made a good partner, but I'm still not sure if I was right to be so fearful they'd turn on me at the drop of a hat. Even then, I remember I had to present something in a class once, and I got real nervous and kinda froze up, and after I was done, some of the women who were looking at me approvingly like they were actually interested in me beforehand, didn't even look at me, like I was some sort of abomination.

To me that's unforgivable. It tells me that women really are inherently cruel, that they'll never love you, not really. You can't show weakness, or you have to show it in an "acceptable" manner or else they'll see you as clingy and clearly not worth it. You can't be indecisive or else you're not worth it. I don't understand that and I don't like it. To me, if I'm getting to know someone, I don't care what I'm doing, so long as it's not something typically macho, sports related, or at bars. I don't like that it's apparently okay to treat people this way, that you can judge them so harshly over something so trivial. I look at it the same way that guys rank women as HB10s and whatnot. If this is what a relationship is built upon, if they're going to try and bait me into fights to get me to man up or whatever, then I want no part of it. This kind of treatment isn't something you should do to people, let alone to loved ones.

More than Red Pill, a number of feminist websites back in the day and female oriented subreddits here confirm the same thing. Bad boys are at least hot because they're confident, but normal good men have to work at it. When I did first learn of that, I honestly started to hate women. Some of them will wax poetic about how they're sickened and repulsed by guys afraid to ask them out, or that they have to change before they're good enough. Now I dread intimacy with a woman, any woman, even the HB10s, because I'm afraid they're ugly morally repugnant people on the inside who will judge you instantly for the most banal and shallow of reasons. A number of female therapists who I went to when I was dealing with a lot of personal problems unrelated to what I'm writing here outright showed disgust at me for being depressed and reluctant to take any action because of what I was going through at the time. That is absolutely an abhorrent stance to take, it's simply not something you do to people, period. I just think that no matter what, I'll never be good enough. That I can never confide in a girlfriend or a wife, that I can never openly show emotion or cry, because one of the things I've always wanted is someone who would love me, is someone who I could share my emotions with and wouldn't judge me. I just think if this is the way women are, or a lot of relationships are at least, I'll never be able to have that. Women objectify men in what is arguably worse than the ways men objectify women, because women will demand to see you for who you really are, your wounds and everything, and do everything in their power to rub salt in them for having wounds in the first place. I just can't bring myself to trust them. I'm worried they'll cheat and use and abuse me no matter what and won't feel any remorse for it. Sure as hell wouldn't be the first time.

That's what gets me most of all. A guy always has to stand up for himself, can't be a doormat, or else he's not attractive. A guy can't feel sorry for himself or be insecure, or be afraid to ask a girl out, or else he's a loser. A guy can't be spineless and pathetic whatever the fuck that means, can't live with his parents, can't be unemployed, or else he's not good enough. It would be one thing if this kind of spite is just a phase, but it just seems to never end, even when they supposedly grow out of bad boys. To me, they all seem so damn nasty.

I'll leave it with this. If this is what most relationships are like or something like this https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/205576820.html (posting the whole URL because for some reason it won't let me link twice) resonates with a lot of women, then I want absolutely nothing to do with it.