I made a comment a while back about cats I had growing up and was going to expand it into a post, but in my absence u/BluepillProfessor did and I think he got the point across very well.

I'm single now, but this sub did a lot for me and I see a lot of my previous self in the posts over on AskMRP. Always looking for a way to make theory easier to digest for the new guys, I present cat story number two.

Back story: two cats, wildly different personalities. First post is on how new cat deflects negativity of old cat and eventually old cat accepts frame of new cat and they get along.

New story: Both cats constantly at the back door wanting to go outside. Being cats, they eventually both snuck out at some point or another and this is where the story starts.

Cat 1 would get out, but was uninterested in going beyond the walls of the back yard. 100% would not even dream of it. Would sit on the fence and look over, but from years of experience I can tell you that it not once jumped to the other side.

Cat 2 was the exact opposite. Cat 2 constantly wanted out as well, but if it ever got beyond the back door it was gone. Sure it would come back eventually, but we couldn't risk letting it out because who knows where it would go and what it would get into.

Do you see where I'm going with this? If you came here worried about what your wife is doing when she is not within your direct supervision you should get something from this.

We will jump to call you insecure, because you probably are. But your insecurities are partially based in your improper vetting of your LTR or wife. You should have and probably did observe these actions in your relationship before you ever signed your life away to this woman. Oneitis can make you avoid admitting that these red flags existed, but they almost always have, if this type of behavior brought you here.

So the problem isn't in the freedom of her to text who she wants, go where she wants when she wants, etc. The problem is with her. You can try to lock her away and hope she never has a chance to interact with her Chad, but much like a cat she will always have the opportunity at one point or another. What she does with that opportunity depends somewhat on you (Internalize sidebar, lift, etc.) but it also depends a lot on her.

So, if you're new here or you have come a long way yourself and you are still struggling with these issues with the wife, take a good honest look at who she is as a person. Is she cat 1 or cat 2? And do you really want to live your life trying to lock your wife/LTR away from Chad? Because it won't work. Just like the cats, the more you try to lock them in the more they will try to leave and you can't change who someone is at the core, you shouldn't even try.