Something I wrote a while back. I think it's relevant.

“I don’t have a chance, man; I’ve been friend-zoned.” How many times have you heard a guy say that, or seen some guy’s post about how one of his female friends has put him in the friend zone, or read an article on how to get out of the friend zone? It’s a term that’s become deeply rooted in the popular psyche over the past five years or so, and I for one am sick of it.

Before I tell you why, a clarification of terms: the friend zone, for those few of you who don’t already know, is the place men often perceive themselves to be when they are romantically interested in a woman who only wants to be friends. Said man and his lady friend would be perfect for each other, he thinks, if only she could see it. But she doesn’t, and he’s left to wallow in his unrequited love. This may or may not be accompanied by emotional manipulation on the part of the woman, but I’ll get to that bit later.

The problem with the friend zone is that it eliminates a woman’s ability to decide for herself whom she want to date. It is an inherently sexist concept. Don’t believe me? How many times have you heard a girl complain about being friend-zoned (unless the girl is Taylor Swift)? It’s almost exclusively the self-titled “nice guys” that complain about it. The implication of the friend zone, at least when I’ve heard it described, is that the man is a better judge of mutual compatibility than the woman. The fact that she’s not attracted to him doesn’t matter at all. She doesn’t have a Y chromosome, and everyone knows that that’s where logic is genetically encoded. Women need big strong men to decide who is perfect for them.

News flash, guys: we are under exactly zero obligation to date you just because you think we should. The thing about relationships is that there are two people involved, and no matter how well your personalities balance each other, or how great of a time you have together, or whatever, if one of you isn’t into it, you’re not perfect for each other. It’s that simple. Blame it on pheromones, or fate, or astrology for all I care. Just don’t make it about some inability to reason on the part of the woman.

We ladies aren’t off the hook either. Sometimes when a guy friend likes us, we like the attention even though we don’t like him, so we flip-flop. We’ve all been guilty of it to some degree or another, but it’s really not fair to the guy. It does change the dynamic of the relationship when one party likes the other, and I know that’s hard to avoid, but we can do better. Here’s a good test: if you give a guy more attention than you would your best girl friends, you might be leading him on. And guys, if a girl treats you the same way she treats her girl friends, that’s how she thinks of you.

Also, ladies, don’t tell guys you won’t date them because you don’t want to ruin the friendship. We know that it’s universal girl code for “I’m just not that into you,” but guys don’t. They really do think we’re interested, but we’re afraid of losing them. And making them think that, when the truth is you like them like you like your girl friends but you’re not attracted to them, is just cruel.

So let’s abandon the idea of the friend zone. Ladies, be honest with the men in your life, and men, respect us enough to let us make our own decisions—even if you don’t like them.