I'm having problems. sexual / flaking

MarsMJD · 2013-10-24T16:58:09+00:00

It might be my porn usage

It probably is.

I say this as someone who was (and still to some extent still is) in a similar situation. I could approach a girl, have great conversation, make out, etc but at some point they would always pick up on the fact that I was never really 100% into them. Cause how could I be, when my brain knew deep down that there was an endless stream of girls back home. It's been 5 weeks since I looked at porn, and now when I look at a girl... It's like there's a magnet in me that draws me to her. A primal urge of sorts. That feeling is still weak, but a few weeks ago it wasn't there at all.

I would strongly recommend /r/nofap. Consumption of porn really conditions your body and mind in some weird ways, often manifesting as problems like the one you described. It's hard to meet women when your already in a long term relationship with your computer screen.

Try the 100 day challenge. At the very least you will learn a lot about self control, discipline, and your body. You have nothing to lose, and potentially a lot to gain.

nycprowl · 2013-10-24T15:43:15+00:00

You are way over analyzing this. Chances are, you're just getting nervous. Guess what kills a sex drive? Nerves. Same shit happens to me time to time, I get to the club, convince myself I'm not interested in them.

You need to view making out/sex as no big deal. It's just a thing that happens to solidify a moment between two people. If you're home all day thinking about sex, I guarantee you by the time you get out you have it so built up in your head.

Finally "it sounds gay when I write this" come on dude, really? Are we not past the point of using "gay" in a negative manner?

bluedolphin4 · 2013-10-24T15:20:03+00:00

It sounds to me that you just need to be more open about who you hook up with. In the third paragraph, it sounds like that girl who kissed you could've been alot of fun if you had given her the chance. You should have kissed her back, even if you ended up not wanting to fuck her, you could have held off on that. Don't assume that just because you don't know a girl very well or aren't initially attracted to her that you can't have a good time with her.

As for the girls flaking on you, this is how I like to treat those situations. If I ask a girl to do something and she gives me a legit excuse why she can't follow through, I'll wait about a week or so and maybe hit her up later if something cool is going on or I feel I had a good connection with her. If she however, doesn't respond, gives a bullshit excuse as to why she can't meet up or I just feel like I'm hitting her up more than she's hitting me up, I move on to the next girl. If she does agree to meet up, then it's on. Also, when first meeting a girl, escalate physically more than emotionally. It sounded like that girl you asked out was a bit freaked out that you asked her out so early into meeting her. All that emotional stuff can come in later when you get to know the girl alot better, when you first meet a girl, you want to come off as a sexual entity.

I would agree that I'm also not much of a club person because I personally feel I can utilize my game better at bars and house parties. That being said, however, if I am with a group of friends who want to go clubbing, I will respect the decision of the majority and make sure not to be a downer the whole time I'm out clubbing with them. Honestly, you can have a good time anywhere as long as you go out with the right mentality. And if you look like you are having a good time and are caring yourself with confidence, you will attract the attention of ladies.

Don't know exactly what to tell you about the porn, do you jerk it to really weird shit? Because if you do, you might want to make sure you can still get off to more conventional porn. Also, it's important to try to hook up with as many women as possible so that porn isn't the only thing that you can get off to.

Djmeansdjk · 2013-10-24T15:52:14+00:00

You don't have to just go to the club to game. I personally prefer day game. Find places that interest you, you're sure to find quality girls wherever you go. Also, stop caring if girls flake. She's the one missing out on all the fun.

I'm not saying nofap is for you, but it makes kino way more enjoyable for me. It also makes my interactions with chicks more enjoyable, because well If I don't go out, then I don't get to enjoy how beautiful/interesting women are.

As for tensing up when it's time to get sexual, it's probably escalation anxiety. It's an old post, but I bookmarked it cause it's gold. If I get nervous, then I force myself to take action, and it works. It's better to try then regret what you didn't do.

general_derez · 2013-10-24T17:31:28+00:00

You mention your porn usage. I recommend stopping that for awhile and see what happens. I had a three year dry spell (Three. Fucking. Years.) and decided to try NoFap. I quickly became obsessed with girls again, couldn't help but talk to them and escalate like it was the most natural thing in the world (which it is). I had a beautiful girlfriend within 3 weeks.

Results may vary, but stop jerking it, just for awhile and see if that doesn't help with your escalation problem.

RSDkyle · 2013-10-31T02:18:21+00:00

you just get stifled and feel like a little bitch. Think of all the chicks in the club as sexy little hussies thatl do whatever you want them to do. Once u view them like this youl be more confident and you'l be able to feel horny again

howdy619 · 2013-10-24T20:16:30+00:00

From the viewpoint as an experienced guy in an open relationship: even with complete confidence when approaching women you could still experience some hesitation/nervousness. Some girls just spark that neurological pathway... at least for me.

rim_trabajo · 2013-10-24T17:22:34+00:00

"back" when you were a chode?

_groundcontrol · 2013-10-24T16:39:50+00:00

I used to have this problem aswell. Dont know if it works for everyone, but go for a notch uglier women, somehow takes away the nerves. After your comfortable, should not take more than a couple times, the nerves was gone!

Title	I'm having problems. sexual / flaking
Author	Luckyluke23
Upvotes	4
Comments	24
Date	October 24, 2013 2:51 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1p4iw1/im_having_problems_sexual_flaking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-having-problems-sexual-flaking.1360442 https://theredarchive.com/post/1360442

Comments