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4agreements Archive

View 0 posts and 568 comments by 4agreements on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Shit, it’s the same troll. People, this guy is so lonely, finger pecks out obscure posts on this forum. He hoping, no really praying, that he gets to see that miracle of a red envelope light up on the corner of his reddit account. He just wants a tiny smidgen of validation that his invisibleness to the real world, can be lessened by pretending he matters on the internet. This is how he gets through the hours. This is all he has in the entire world. The internet and the ability to type. Sad
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/20 12:43 AM
2

Honey, honey, you’re fucked. You think you’re the original dead beat dad? I sincerely think this is a troll. No one can be this stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 06:42 PM
3

You’re really, really screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 05:49 PM
2

Yes, if you’re not man enough to support your kids, the state will hold your hand, garnish your wages, income tax and social security. The government has to interfere into your personal life because you lack basic morals. You can negotiate spousal support by giving her more of the savings, Realestate and your retirement. Hope she has a good lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 05:44 PM
2

Well, Please share what happens. What state or country are you litigating in?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 05:11 PM
3

Is this a troll? You had your first hearing today? What did the judge say?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/20 05:05 PM
1

I’m my state, you don’t need an attorney to hire a mediator.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/20 09:37 PM
1

And hope she is dumb as a rock
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/20 09:36 PM
2

Jesus, I hope your attorney know this
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/20 07:17 PM
3

You’re protected as military member under Service members Civil Relief Act (SCRA). You’ll be fine. Millions of military divorces share custody. You also have “Uniform Deployed Parents Custody and Visitation Act”. You probably have a better lock in for 50/50 than non military.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/20 04:41 PM
3

50/50 is the norm. Shouldn’t be that big of a consideration. Courts know kids need both parents equally.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/20 03:45 PM
7

You’re preparing for a battle, then expect a war. Your attorney didn’t get a reputation as a ball buster by being reasonable. Some attorneys live to be assholes because their ignorant clients think their divorce is special, so the attorney files stupid motions, holds their hand whenever you get butt hurt and promises they are going to get that crazy bitch for you. It’s all a game. This is a civil case where the guidelines are very well worn. Look, a judge will never sign any agreement if it does…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/20 12:36 AM
3

Women are not the enemy. Hard pass on this shit
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/20 07:04 PM
6

I liked being married. We had a good run. Everything in life ends one way or another. I won’t marry again, but I like that our kids were be raised in a traditional environment and that we couldn’t just easily walk out the door when things got tough. Marriage was a good experience for me. I learned a lot, hurt a lot and experienced a large family.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/20 01:33 AM
1

Go with family lawyer. They are ho hum because they have seen it all. They know the judges, the other family law attorneys and know how your case will play out after they look at all your discover. No attorney is going to “fight for you” in family law. They just negotiate how the pot is split so each of you get your 50/50. It’s a civil case where you’re splitting a corporation. No one is getting punished, no judge cares that your wife said mean things to you. The state cares about splitting the …
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 11:46 PM
2

I get your position, but this has nothing to do with “real dad” and benefiting the child. If my 5 year old daughter came home and said she and her 3 year old sister, had spent the last week with “Uncle Roy” and his 3 teen boys in Vegas in a one room hotel without their mom, I wouldn’t sit down and say”Golly, I trust the woman that cheated, and is 5k behind in child support to me, to make good choices.” I’m all about separate lives after divorce. But overnights without making the other parent awa…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 05:20 PM
1

Remember, what you demand is fair game for her demands. If she wants her new husband to take your 5 year old to Vegas for a week without her, are you good with that? What if she wants to ship the kid off to camp in Alabama with some church group you’ve never heard of? I want a say in who is taking my kid where overnight without the mother.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 05:05 PM
2

It doesn’t matter. The cost to file is minuscule compared to attorney bills. If both of you can’t split things up yourselves, and both go on blast and hire lawyers, the thousands you will waste are huge compared to the $600 it costs to file.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 04:23 PM
6

Honor yourself for surviving the trauma with class and self respect. Cheers!
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/20 08:53 PM
6

“But she won’t commit to anything.....” dude you’re in shock. She is living with another man. She committed by walking out on you and her kid and into another man’s house, bed and life. I’d say she committed just fine. It’s over. She’s gone, file and start the paperwork. Every person deserves to be loved fully, and completely. She is gone.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/20 03:50 AM
6

You did nothing wrong. She wasn’t honest with herself nor you. Consciously or otherwise. Her family is going to defend her for now. They are re-acting. Meaning they are going to act in a way of “how does this effect me!?!’ They want to reject their uncomfortable feelings by projecting the back at you. It’s how people deal with trauma. And a divorce is a trauma. This is all very confusing to everyone though no one will admit it maturely. So all the uncomfortable feeling of seeing love ones divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/20 01:39 AM
0

My thoughts are you’re a fucking idiot troll
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/20 12:44 AM
2

Who signed the TCJA?
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/20 02:26 AM
-3

Many men receive spousal support. Middle class got screwed for the big tax cut for wealthy
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/20 02:25 AM
4

Absolutely. This is why there was such a push to get divorce finalized a couple years ago. I believe the tax hit is considered in spousal support amounts. Basically BOTH parties have less real income. THANKS DONNY
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/20 10:32 PM
9

Trump changed the spousal support tax deduction. Spousal support used to be a deduction from your income. Now you are single filer and have have zero deductions and pay income on your entire income before lesser earner gets their support check. It’s effed. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tax_Cuts_and_Jobs_Act_of_2017
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/20 10:20 PM
2

Spam
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/20 01:53 PM
1

The courts want your kid fed sheltered and off welfare. This is why your wife will have to pay you mandatory child support. No court is out to get you. It’s all going to be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 01:02 AM
1

Why the drama? What blood in the water? You’re not going to court. Only 5% of all divorces in the country go to court. You probably don’t have a few billion dollar businesses or patents, hiding laundered money nor record deals. You have a simple divorce with one kid. The only winners in divorce are the attorneys who stir shit. You’re close to 50/50, you’ll receive child support. What do you want? One parent is always primary. Your divorce is simple, don’t make it complicated. You have an attorne…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/20 12:09 AM
3

Take it. Save the 20k and put it towards you kid’s college. You have years of coparenting together. You’re getting a fair deal for NY. Courts may require child support though. Let go of attaching wife’s words as abusive. Everyone in divorce acts poorlyover.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/20 11:39 PM
1

No, law has been changed. Trump changed it. Now, Provider pays taxes on entire salary income, receiver of alimony pays no taxes on alimony. This way more taxes are paid to government and there is less money for each spouse. Yea trump!
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/20 03:24 AM
3

Hahaha. Good luck. You were married 30 years. You may be paying alimony until you are of legal social security retirement age. Courts look forward, after long term marriage, to try to set each party on similar financial ground for the rest of your lives. Maybe you can buy her out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/20 03:21 AM
4

You are correct in all accounts. It’s stupid to refinance twice. If she’s in the basement, she’s more than likely on her way out permanently. The deal is, when you refinance, you have to qualify on your own income, solo. If you can do that, do it now. You have to refinance the loan to get her off the loan and title. The bank needs an entire new loan when one of you gets off the loan. One option is to Refinance and pull enough equity to cash her out, pay her. Have a legal document describing the …
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/20 11:32 PM
3

. She can not take the kids from where you are unless you agree. Judges keep kids in stable environments with least upset to kids. Most all states default to 50/50 custody after the age of 3 for children iunless one parent wishes to have less time with the kids. Lots of men choose every other weekend because of work travel, new girlfriend, etc. but 50/50 in current schools and city is the norm
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/20 06:30 AM
3

Of course her lawyer is fighting it. It’s billable hours for him/her. It’s not the law, and full value won’t fly in court. The both lawyers know this, and her lawyer is just making money off her ignorance.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/20 05:55 PM
2

She is entitles to the appreciation of the house since married. First, look up the tax assessments for each dates (date married-date filed for divorce). This will give you some idea. It’s not difficult to calculate if you look at comparable of both dates.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/20 05:53 PM
4

YUP
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 10:26 PM
1

It’s not like someone just “wins” or ends up with the house. It’s however the spouses decide to split the assets and debts. If both want the house, and can’t agree a judge will,order it sold. If one party wants the house, that party must obtain financing in their name only ( qualify for solo refinancing of home) and trade some other asset to 2nd party. No one wins in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 07:56 PM
1

You don’t have to divorce in the state you married. But one of you has to be a resident of the state in which the divorce is being filed.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 01:59 AM
2

First off, You’re not going to jail. Don’t add needless drama. If your attorney told you this, find a better attorney. Your wife is sick. She’s been facing death for years battling cancer and drug dependency. Now she wants a divorce and doesn’t want to talk to you. It’s over. You’re divorcing and what the kids want “to be a family “ is going to look different because you’re divorcing and your wife is not healthy. Stop trying to contact her. Attorneys talk to attorneys. Your wife’s behavior will …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/20 01:48 AM
1

Your kid is old enough to decide who sees his records.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/20 02:30 AM
1

He asked your permission? Wtf. Are you her dad? Lol. She found someone she loves, it was going to happen. Wish her the best.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/20 06:11 PM
3

Marriage is just for Facebook pictures. When you find someone better dump her. She’s not your problem anymore. Kids get over it. You only get one life King
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/20 03:24 PM
12

Go with the truth. You’re not happy. You want a different life. You don’t love her. Sidebar; no one cares why you are divorcing except your wife and kids. And they know their own truth . Be a man and say you think divorce will make you happier than staying married. Done
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/20 02:07 PM
2

It doesn’t matter who files. The first to file can maybe dictate a few early dates, but all states can be no fault, so it doesn’t matter. Just file. It’s over.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/20 02:29 AM
4

Cheers to you friend
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/20 04:41 PM
4

Well, sit her down and tell her you have decided divorce is best for you. Make an excel spreadsheet of all assets and debt, come to an agreement as to how all assets and debt will be split, download the forms from your county superior court website, pay the fee and file. Get out ASAP as the longer you stay, the more complicated the plot will be. And don’t get her pregnant. You won’t need an attorney if you two can communicate.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/20 06:29 PM
1

It’s not about controlling you. Kids are going to push and test and do some dumb things as their brain matures. Unless you are both consistent with same general expectations- cell phones, driving, homework, friends houses, chores, you are in a world of hurt as teens act like normal teens. Consistency makes kids feel.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/20 03:47 PM
4

List all your assets and debts. Look up the child support calculator for your state. Write out a post divorce budget. You will split assets and 50/50. if you really are this lost in the process you will need to go to an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/20 02:58 AM
2

Sometimes it’s better for kids to have the parent with more patience and time to give. It’s easier to write a check than parent.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 03:52 PM
1

If she owned to before she married you, it’s different
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 01:15 PM
3

It doesn’t matter who’s on tittle or mortgage. If mortgage owner keeps house, they don’t have to refinance home to get the other parties name off it. Everything is 50/50 split. It doesn’t matter who bought it, used it, broke it. Everything acquired during marriage is equally owner between parties. This goes for debt too.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 04:03 AM
1

ALL states allow alimony at the discretion of the judge. OP ‘s original statement that all marriages, of some mysterious states, have lifetime spousal support ONLY because of 20 plus years married, is bs.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/20 06:58 PM
1

You don’t know what you’re talking about
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/20 12:04 AM
2

I’m still waiting for you to list the states with a mandatory “clause” as you say, for mandatory lifetime alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 07:51 PM
2

If there was a formula, like each state has for child support, we wouldn’t need attorneys. Name the “several state that have a ‘clause’. Yea, if you’re 64 years old and have been married for 20 year and your wife is disabled, you’re going to pay spousal support for life. But if your married 20 years and 38 years old, no way in hell does any state have a ‘clause’ for life time spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 07:33 PM
3

That sticky old “in sickness and in health” promise got ya perplexed? If you’re disabled, the USA still has SSDI. What state has mandatory full spousal support for life after 20 years? source? The entire reason for spousal support is since we promised to love and support “till death do us part” it’s assumed financial support would continue. This support would come from the higher earning spouse until the lesser earning spouse has acquired income(career) to be self supporting so the government do…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 06:50 PM
-1

You should try prayer.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 03:24 AM
3

You suffered deep traumas growing up. This doesn’t just go away; sometimes it comes our sideways and you sabotage yourself. Until you dig deeper, with the help of a great therapist-ptsd- you might react, interpret and process things in away your mate doesn’t. Get a therapist for you. Someone to talk to, to give you some clarity, help you turn things around before you ruin a good thing. But I’ve never met anyone who regretted improving themselves. Until you find a way to process life’s uncomforta…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 12:43 AM
3

It’s a site for men going through divorce. There are some sex worker subs, and male cross dressing subs that allow for soliciting. You might get a better response there
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/20 02:32 PM
2

Just ask her. If youre serious about her you should meet her husband. It looks like she’s still married.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/20 02:01 AM
3

Are you on correct meds? . And a good PhD therapist. I’m sorry you’re where you are. You don’t deserve this pain. You did your best. Travel more. Go far away, it’s amazing to see different cultures and landscapes. Even if for overnight. You’ve got to get out of your environment. It’s hard to date when you’re still legally entangled. You’re doing everything right.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 02:35 PM
4

It’s not time, grieving takes as long as it takes. You’re not doing anything wrong. Once I learned to stop damming everything up and let myself cry and sob and rage at the unfairness and stupidity of my partner did I start to get to relax enough to sleep. Sleeping is important, just as exercise. Brain chemistry gets effed up during grief
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 02:24 PM
5

All family law attorneys work and socialize together. Just like you work and socialize with your employees and bosses. They also work with the judges, court reporters, secretaries, et al. It’s ignorant that you believe any attorney is going to “fight” for you. Your state has a formula, statutes, procedures and guidelines. All divorces will end up following your county statutes. Hell, a judge won’t even sign off on a vastly unfair division of assets unless you both agree. Attorneys are paid to kn…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/20 12:01 AM
2

It’s just stuff, let it go
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 04:07 PM
2

In no way, whatsoever, does Washington state have lifetime spousal support for a 20 year marriage. You were really messed up if you believed that. Enjoy your kids
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 01:35 PM
4

Being an asshole just affirms her belief that she made the right choice in leaving you. I would ask her is it’s more comfortable for you to be there or would she be more comfortable if you were gone. Kindness will kill her more than you being a prick.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/20 01:29 PM
2

You know the answer. Get all the paperwork together, go down to courthouse and get the divorce packet. Fill it out and file. She’s clearly not happy either. Life is going to throw so many awful things your way that you CANT control. Why stay miserable when you have a choice.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/20 11:14 PM
5

No. The agreement is done. You can always appeal, but it’s going to cost $$$, 19 more months of waste, you and it won’t be changed. You signed the agreement, and appealing is really only if you can prove the judge errors or there is a huge amount of money found to be hidden, one parent becomes disabled, etc It’s completely normal for two people who divorce to feel they each were screwed. This is how divorce goes, and the tit for tat, “I won’t pay for the science project because you won’t pay for…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/20 03:46 PM
2

You owe your ex nothing. And get everything out of her name yesterday. COVID excuse is null; you can do all this online.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 07:49 PM
1

Get your finances in order if you’re going to fight this fight. The best option is to entice her financially between you two, to change the custody arrangement in your favor. Courts will favor your first child/marriage custody arrangement as status quo over your personal desires, and second marriage. Turn it around, if she felt the you were a mediocre dad, wanted to move to be near her family, for what she felt was a cheaper area and better schools, possibly states away to be with her latest boy…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 06:33 PM
3

She is due 1/4 of the appreciated value of property while married. Just cash her out. Not difficult
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 12:25 AM
1

You married before your Brain was even fully developed. You were both naive teens. Now you changed the rules and she doesn’t want your kids to be raised beyond the original wedding vows you promised. Get divorced. You’ll never be happy, she will never be happy. You don’t want to be married. No one is forcing,you to stay married. She wouldn’t have married you if your weren’t LDS. You changed the very foundation she built her life around. She has every right to divorce you and find a man who can k…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/20 12:20 AM
13

It’s her attorney. She got a shitty one. It’s the attorney that lays down this bullshit until the money is all gone. Attorneys get paid to negotiate. So they start at the moon and go back and forth and create hell and anger when it didn’t have to be that way. Ask your wife if you and she can sit down with all the financials, split everything 50/50/. Agree to 50/50 child custody and look up the child support calculator for your state. Divorce isn’t hard. Attorneys are in the business of making it…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/20 02:58 AM
6

When you’re being physically abused call the cops and have her arrested. Go file for divorce and move on. You don’t have to stay married.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/20 03:41 AM
1

Crazy she can be so vindictive when she just decided she and you just weren’t right for each other. Usually this happens when some one cheats and gets caught. Tell your attorney to prepare final offer and stop responding to each request. Agree to 50/50 split of assets and debts incurred by both of you during marriage. Set child custody at calculated and demand 50/ 50 custody and one year spousal support. Then see them in court.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/20 03:33 AM
2

Just booked a vacation to a warm sunny beach in January COVID smovid
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/20 11:15 PM
1

Don’t indulge mental illness. You can’t help a person this far gone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/20 05:23 PM
-1

Someone didn’t take their meds today.... jealousy is a stink everyone can smell. Get some help asshole
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/20 05:19 PM
5

This. People on this forum are in the hate/fear/depressed hole of life’s journey. If more men and women would have had the emotional capacity to have the hard conversations, many could find their way to at MINIMUM coparent with integrity, mutual respect and accommodation. But alas, every human has the right to be “right” instead of happy. No advice, just wanted to communicate that we are ALL flawed. We all see the world and react from our own dna, childhood traumas, race, religion, education, en…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/20 03:41 PM
9

It’s difficult when you’re an empathetic person, to see anyone suffer. But learn from this. Honor your personal growth. You are a much more “valuable” person to yourself and a future partner having experienced this marriage. There are plenty of women, if you choose, who would love to find a healthy partner. Chin up friend. You can’t save those that don’t want to be saved. Everyone has their own path in life that they alone must travel.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/20 10:24 PM
2

It’s difficult after decades together to see clearly. Also difficult if you were the one willing to make concessions for the good of the family. When she decides she wants a different life, it’s hard to really believe it’s happening. Let me tell you - it’s real, there is no going back, and the woman you married is dead. She is a stranger coming into your house to take as much as she can. you have one time to get your due. You are in a fight for your future as well as for your kids. You don’t nee…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/20 10:06 PM
2

She is not a nice Person. She wants you to date so she doesn’t feel so guilty. Truth is, you are not in a good place and NEED an attorney to advocate for you. No, your wife does not call the shots as she does not care, love, or even think of you as an equal. You are a bag of flour to her that is sort of annoying and just needs to go away. Jokes on her, everything you built together is 1/2 yours. All divorce decisions are just as much yours. Don’t fear a person who doesn’t respect you. So she blo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/20 07:48 PM
2

Boys, yes.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/20 10:37 PM
3

You are a fucking idiot if you think the purpose of a woman or man is to have babies. There are millions of couples loving a child free life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/20 10:31 PM
4

DELETE FACEBOOK
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/20 09:20 AM
1

Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 11:28 PM
1

It’s going to be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 08:38 PM
-1

It’s going to be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 08:38 PM
-2

Dude, you were way too immature to be married. It’s stuff. Get some therapy, start training for a marathon or learn a second language. Divorce might have been the best thing for you because you now are force to GROW beyond pettiness. Let’s admit the truth. It’s not about the pots and pans, it about the fact that she could just not be happy and leave. It’s unfair and it hurts, but everything in life is just a moment. You don’t control what other people do. Grow, make yourself a better man that sh…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 05:19 PM
1

Yea, maybe best to wait until you’ve saved up some money.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 11:10 PM
2

Should probably sell your Trigun first. And get a job. Or another job, Mowing neighbors lawns, cleaning windows and gutters is easy money. Drive for Lyft. Collect aluminum cans. Then go to a domestic abuse shelter. call 911 to report your wife raped you. They have resources to help you and short term housing and legal help. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 11:01 PM
3

You need to ask a solicitor in your country. You’re only going to hear one sided horror stories here. Basically in America it’s like creating a corporation from wedding date on. Every asset gained and debt incurred from that day on, is joint owned. When you divorce each will take 1/2 of combined worth even if one partner never earned an income. Child support is state calculated per how much each partner earns and how much time, each parent has custody. Child support is mandatory so the tax payer…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 07:01 PM
19

You didn’t want your wife, you don’t want your girlfriend. You need to get some good old therapy my friend. Find out how you got to where you are, why you do what you do, and learn new ways of living where you don’t destroy other people. I’ll save you your first copay : the problem isn’t the other women. The problem is you don’t want to face your faults. See you next week ....
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/20 04:10 AM
3

Hearsay. You’ll be fine. Judges see crazy everyday. Unless there are police report or witnesses you’re fine
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/20 07:40 PM
2

Demand 50/50. The kids are at an age where they will start having their own lives and will stay with who they want. Demand 50/50, state child support and no more lawyers. She can see you in court if she doesn’t agree. No more lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/20 03:01 PM
5

Get a spreadsheet with all accounts, retirement amounts, debts, assets. EVERYTHING. if she’s working, you won’t pay spousal support as 11 years is midterm marriage, not long term. if she doesn’t work, it’s usually one year for every 4 married. Custody and spousal support are calculated together. Look up custody calculator and demand 50/50 custody. Don’t believe the horror stories of posters who got emotional and created a cluster fir themselves. She wants a divorce/ you want a divorce. Be fair a…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/20 11:41 PM
5

Don’t think any professional attorney would take your wife’s phone and use it to text you. That not how it works. Look, you have one shot at this, I’d think a GAL would be benefit all for both of you. 50/50 is the norm, as you’ve set the status quo. You’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/20 12:52 AM
2

Yea, your roommate doesn’t understand the settlement if he is telling this story. You like drama.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/20 03:48 PM
3

Win/win. Happy for you
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/20 12:58 AM
5

Wow. How could her atty ever believe she was due 80%?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/20 11:35 PM
2

Most people don’t want to remarry if they had to fight over silverware during the first divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/20 08:13 PM
1

Calm down. Wow. You ok?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/20 08:01 PM
0

Bullshit. You don’t know what you’re talking about. She and he both have legal custody of their own kids. There is no kidnapping. There is always two sides of the story. Op could be a heroin addict, abuser, pedophile. Wife is obviously afraid of confrontation for a reason. Courts will figure it out. All he has to do is hire an attorney and file for custody. Courts don’t take kindly to taking kids from another parent, even though they are still married and have no custody restrictions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/20 03:22 PM
1

Let it go. You will always make more money
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/20 04:40 AM
1

You are a bandaid to her divorce. She needs attention but doesn’t want YOU, as a whole partner. It’s not real and won’t last. It’s covid, she’s lonely and feeding you crumbs to keep your attention. She’s manipulating you bud. But you like drama or you’d eradicate yourself from this nonsense. She will plead to have you stay, but will soon find another target to feed her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/20 04:26 PM
2

Would you date you? You attract what you are
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/20 03:18 PM
3

If she wanted to be with you she would be. You are trying to find any reason to contact her. She is not coming back. It’s not about her dad. If she wanted to be with you, she would move heaven and earth to be with you. She is not, I’m sorry, it’s a pain worse than death. But you need to accept that she wants a different life, without you,
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/20 05:34 AM
6

She doesn’t care if you have covid why would you tell her?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/20 05:30 AM
8

Your wife obviously does not want to have any contact with you and is waiting for you to file for divorce. It doesn’t matter to her if you have COVID.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/20 05:22 AM
2

You need an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/20 09:21 PM
3

This isn’t his/her rodeo. Just ask what you need to do to get what you think is fair.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 04:36 PM
0

You posted the same post on 4 different forums. Obviously you have the help you need. Get moving firward
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 04:18 PM
-1

Do you think your the only one? Millions and millions of people are in the exact amount of pain as you. Millions of people have been left by spouses they loved and lives they adored. It’s life. You don’t have some special pain, only you feel. Your divorce is not unique. It’s probably much less complicated than those with children, bankruptcies, illness, spouses who kill one parent, and more Get some counseling it will help you grow
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 04:11 PM
1

It’s too soon then.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 03:50 AM
8

It’s ok to feel what ever you’re feeling. Don’t punish yourself for being hit by a truck. Healing will happen as it happens. I’m so sorry. I KNOW how you feel. I still struggle. The only thing that helps me is meds, time, therapy and accepting that I will never be “over” the betrayal. It will never not hurt. Once This weird thought came in my head. ‘What if I chose this life? What if I chose to be single, have this much money, lived here, had this job etc. What if I saw this life as not pushed o…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/20 09:19 PM
8

I get it. I hate saying I’m.....divorced. This isn’t supposed to be my life. I’m not supposed to be divorced. I did everything “right”. But here I am. My spouse left me for another. I’m divorced. Done. Acceptance is key. Also confidence in that I have no shame. My spouse wasn’t happy. I couldn’t have done anything differently. It wasn’t about me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/20 04:01 AM
17

You say “ yea my wife and I split and sold out house”. 5000 people a day get divorced in the US. We are not rare or special. Honest, direct and keep it short. Then say “ beautiful day isn’t it? Hope it doesn’t rain”
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/20 03:40 AM
1

Dude ...attorney. You need an attorney joe
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/20 01:39 AM
2

Stay strong
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 08:46 AM
4

Mediation is mandatory in every state before one can go to court. Just state you want 50/50 and if not set the court date. You should have done this 60k and two years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/20 05:50 AM
3

Bulls shit. hiding money is going to screw you. A forensic accountant will be hired, and they will find it. Most alimony is based off tax returns. You’re not Einstein, people try to hide money all the time and when they are found out assets are split to greatly benefit the honest party.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/20 10:06 PM
1

You need an attorney to help you understand.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/20 09:52 PM
1

Kids need BOTH parents. Your argument is as stupid as what it was 50 years ago, in that kids need their mom physically aid their dads money That’s archaic. Unless you can Prove your wife puts your child in physical danger 100% of the time, you will never get sole custody. It’s not good for kids, and court have finally realized this. Most divorces require kids to station same school district, and parents to live within said district. Divorce is trauma. The kids lives are forever changed; this is …
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/20 04:56 PM
1

She wants a divorce/you want a divorce. Get an excel sheet together with all assets, pensions, debt. Make these numbers to the exact cent. Make three copies of all paperwork, one for you, one for her, one for the courts. Sit down and tell her you will be getting an appraisal on the house and then you would like to sit down and decide how she would ideally want to split things. Running to an attorney before you know the exact scenarios, is where attorney screw you up. Divorce attorneys lay everyt…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/20 10:58 PM
3

You’re a woman...on a men’s forum. Good for you!
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/20 07:31 PM
0

Well you need better people in your life, or you’re 16 years old! Lol
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/20 03:59 PM
8

Don’t feed into it. Divorce brings out the worst in everyone. Male and female. I wouldn’t call it feminist anything. She’s in a situation she can’t control and is trying to hurt you. No one gives a shits what people say in a divorce they are not a party to. Your ex is bisexual and wants to party. Why do you care what she does now? Your kids are old enough to understand the truth. That’s all that matters righ? Let it go, this is why you are divorcing. You got your kids 50/50, and split assets. Ti…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/20 01:59 PM
1

You hate each other. Nothing new in the realm of divorce. Judges don’t look at anything but documented proof. Like other poster, let her spend her money proving her accusations. Just don’t bite; state what you want and set a court date.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/20 05:57 AM
1

https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/ https://marriagefrederick.org/marriage-and-divorce-statistics/
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/20 05:48 AM
1

Under 3, kids stay with primary. 50/50 as they get older
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/20 05:44 AM
3

Don’t be a jackass and hide assets. The law is set up to punish the shit our of you when it’s found out, and it’s too easy to find out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/20 03:55 AM
1

Why do you assume it’s a rigged system? Identify what you want. You want 50/50 custody, assets split 50/50, and to move on with your life. Don’t listen to the war stories of others, they are always leaving out the other side. 5000 people get divorced each day in the USA; Your case is not unique or special. You probably will never even see a judge. Just hire a level headed attorney that know the law. It doesn’t have to be some huge messy drama.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/20 03:49 AM
1

File and get it over. You were both what too young to make a decision you had no life experience, maturity, brain development, to make. DONT GET PREGNANT. You weren’t put on this earth to make another person happy. That’s not how life works. There’s so much more to life than being married to anyone. Get out now while you still have a life worth living.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/20 03:09 PM
1

Most custody arrangements are 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/20 05:24 AM
3

Your attorney is looking for a huge payday if you really are fighting for full custody. You will have to prove with police records, CPS records, school records, doctors records that she endangers the kids 100% of the time to obtain full custody. Good luck. A better option would be primary custody. This type of divorce could take 4 years. Seriously get another appointment with another attorney before you pay another dime.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/20 04:38 AM
4

Look up LLC and divorce in your state. Also read your LLC documents. You know you need an atty, right?
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/20 03:35 AM
7

Is your business LLC? If it’s a separate business you may be protected. If not, you’ll have to get the business appraised and come to a price that would be split. Half of her 401k is also yours. Maybe,you can make a deal she keeps hers, you keep yours? It really depends on where you live, state and country.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/20 03:05 AM
1

It’s exaggerated entertainment. If a show reflected 99% of reality we wouldn’t watch it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/20 03:51 PM
1

Documented doesn’t mean substantiated. If there was real abuse, you wouldn’t have 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/20 07:19 PM
3

You may be able to give her a lump sum from the sale of property/ house instead of paying her over the next so many years. It all depends on her income vs your income, If she has any medical issues and how much training it will take for her to earn a comparable salary. She may be willing to take more of your retirement instead of monthly payments. Often your employer can garnish your wages for you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/20 01:12 AM
24

Sell the house, split the assets and move on. This is divorce. Your family is forever broken, the life your kids had is over. You will have the kids half time, have half the financial stability and double the work. It’s just reality.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/20 10:12 PM
4

You’re not even divorced. You have a girlfriend. Your girlfriend might be a positive influence now but a 6 months from now be long gone. One step at a time. Just get divorced. You loved your wife enough to marry and have a child with her. Your girlfriend could be wonderful now, ( just as your wife was once). But she sure ass hell won’t want to raise her dead boyfriend’s or (dead husband’s) kid. You can’t control life from the grave.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/20 08:16 PM
0

It doesn’t matter who she is sleeping with as long as they are over 18. Move on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/20 04:49 PM
3

People like to be in control of their lives. People act foolish when they can’t be in control, are scared and hurt. If you corner an injured dog, it will still fight you because it doesn’t think you are really there to help. People are the same. Why should she trust you when once you promised to love her for ever? People are flawed, don’t take it personally. The best you can do is get all paperwork together, get the house appraised, and make a excel sheet of a fair split. Get educated on what yo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/20 10:27 PM
3

Good luck with that. After you’ve filed, that might be applicable, but anyone can drain the account while married.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/20 10:19 PM
5

People don’t care as much as you think. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say over a loud speaker. Human nature to gossip for 2 minutes. Then it’s over and no one cares.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/20 07:07 PM
1

I didn’t have any problems in my state. Easy 50/50 custody, fair child support. Everyone is the victim in divorce, which is why it’s not called equal, it’s called divorce. Focus on your kids. They didn’t get a choice to live in your cluster
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/20 05:42 PM
3

No one gives two shits about your marriage, divorce or drama. Seriously. Do you care that your mailman got divorced? You are just as important to 99.99999% of the world, as your mailman is to you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/20 03:34 PM
2

WHERE has anyone ever had life time alimony for a 5 year marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/20 09:40 PM
5

Borrowing 10k to fund a wedding? That was the first nail in the coffin.... glad your one year marriage is over.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/20 04:31 AM
3

Get smarter friends. Just download the forms off the internet. Follow the directions exactly. Get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/20 02:00 AM
3

You won’t be taking her debt because she caused this debt before you were married. You won’t have to pay her school loan.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/20 01:57 AM
12

The male oriented divorce firms are fraught with fraud. They drag shit out and blow smoke up your ass. It better to go with a black and white, “I know the law, and this is how a judge will rule.” Everything is Business deal. Split assets, go your separate ways. I don’t know who you’re listening to, but your short marriage, no money, and no kids, is an easy “sign the papers and be done”. No one is going to "clean you out”. You give her 1/2 of the bank account and be done. You don’t even need an a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/20 11:57 PM
1

Because you appear to have been arrested for a fairly serious crime, you’ll need to follow all rules of the court. Go back to court and ask for a state approved supervisor. You may have to pay for this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/20 01:48 AM
3

Alcoholism kills many marriages.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/20 12:46 AM
14

The only way through is to stop trying not to feel. You have to FEEL. It will come on waves. Visualize standing in waist deep in the ocean. Look up and see a wave coming at you. Now take a deep deep breathe and relax your body. The wave will take your body and toss you around. You might get knocked on your ass, and feel like you’re in a washing machine. But, eventually you feel the sand, reach out with your hands and feet, and regain your balance. You stand up and realize you got through it. You…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/20 10:36 PM
8

One day at a Time. Monday call an Attorney and file for temporary child custody arrangement. You should be able to have 50/50 custody. Get a therapist and start a workout schedule. It’s the hardest thing you will ever have to go through. But you will get through it. You will because your kids need a dad. One day at a time. Keep busy improving your body and stay away from alcohol. One day at a time
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/20 03:37 AM
1

You’re post is bullshit. You set her up. And IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS?? Couldn’t you have been a better father? Your kids will forever have this memory as one of the most traumatic of their lives. Asshole move serving your wife in front of your kids. Asshole move knowing the shit storm would occur and you wanting to be there when she is ARRESTED in front of your kids. I think you’re the sociopath and a piece of shit father. Looking at your post history, wanting to medicate your 4 year old, your hat…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/20 08:25 PM
2

Sending a spreadsheet is like, “look what you cost me” I wasn’t there to teach you, guide you, or put in the hard work day in and day out but golly it sure was a burden for me.” It’s always easier to write a check, than get the kids up, make their meals, fight over their homework, teach them manners, morals, etiquette, dating, keep a house over their heads. It takes a real parent to teach them to drive, how to budget, protect themselves from bad choices how to handle LIFE. You wrote a check and …
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/20 09:30 PM
2

What happened is she is human, with faults and strengths, good and bad, just like you. Don’t try to understand, it’s not about you. She has mental wiring and a thought process beyond your control. It feels so good look at it with simple logic and woman hate. She is a covert narcissist! It’s menopause! Women can’t love! Actually it all can be said about ever man and woman. Marriage is unsustainable in today’s world. Hell the only reason it lasted in the 20th century was because religion said you’…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 06:53 PM
9

I think the higher earner will always get shafted in divorce. Marriage is outdated and I’m glad the millenniums aren’t so eager to enter into an archaic societal expectation. There is no reason for people to marry anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/20 11:54 PM
3

Every person on the world who divorces dislikes their spouse. You’re not rare in being treated poorly. You’re divorced. You don’t like each other. Divorcing couples say and do mean things to each other. Judges expect bad behavior by one or both of you: it will make no difference. Rise above the baiting. It will all be over soon. If she hurts the kids, or physically assaults you call the cops for assault. Words you’ll have to rise above.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/20 12:45 AM
0

Your post history says you’re divorced. then it says you’re divorce is almost finalized, that you have moved to a new apartment, but you’re then it says your living with your wife and lease isn’t up for a few months. In other posts you’re an alcoholic..... I think you need some mental health help. Please don’t procreate. At minimum until you have your life, or story line, straight.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/20 10:49 PM
8

You’ll be fine. Your wife will have to work, or proceed to live off the government. You will have to pay child support. You’ve only been married nine years. You will more than likely have to pay some amount of spousal support for a couple years. File before the 10th year.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 10:16 PM
1

Or “How to really fuck up a simple division of property, waste two years of your life, and gift 15k to your attorney.” Why not just communicate via email and rise above the baiting?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/20 05:56 PM
1

Kids need both parents. 50/50 is the norm. Your arm chair psych evaluation means nothing. It’s best to be as fair and firm as possible. You will pay child support.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 06:07 PM
1

OP is confused and selective on posting facts. He was also states he was abused by his wife so that might play into the settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/20 05:42 PM
2

You need an attorney. Common law can bite you. Economy will be back soon enough. Buy each other out and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/20 02:42 PM
2

Be prepared to pay through your nose. If she’s on the deed, you can’t evict her. She doesn’t have to pay the bills, neither do you. You now need a really good lawyer and a lot of money. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/20 11:24 PM
1

Yea your other kid from another woman is 17 years old. Big difference.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/20 02:46 AM
9

Yea, no. Leaving your wife, hurting your kids, to follow your “dream” (some chick 10 years younger that promises you the moon and the minute the rIng is on the finger becomes your exwife. ). Is the mistake many men make. The first mistake is marriage too young, kids too young. You want to leave your wife, to love your dream? Open up your wallet to your first wife , demand 50/50 custody and get counseling for the kids. People fall in and out of love with their wives through out the whole marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/20 06:56 PM
0

Yea, he’s on 100% supervised hourly visits with his kids. There is much more to the story. He’s got issues. Courts don’t mandate 3rd party supervised visits with kids 5 and 10 unless he did something really bad or has mental problems. He probably refused to give her his medical insurance info, and her kid Is sick. Always check post history. The “I’m a victim” is usually a bit cloudy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/20 05:01 AM
-4

You sound upset. The little things do add up. You also sound a little controlling. If your kid doesn’t want to email you, don’t force it. He will be getting to an age that he will see you as over controlling and your pettiness as a reason to disassociate with you further. Your kids shouldn’t be forced to talk to you. She changed the grocery points? Who cares? Get your own card. Buy him an xbox that he can only play at your house. Don’t worry about her money gift. They won’t play into your financ…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/20 02:58 AM
15

It’s called the divorce diet. It’s the only perk of surviving this hell. Women dig men with the big V done.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/20 04:50 AM
12

Look at it this way, would you date you? Are you filled with integrity,warmth,friendliness? Being an introvert doesn’t require antisocial behavior. This is time to grow and date yourself. Do things you’ve a;ways wanted to do. Scuba, take piano lessons, learn a new sport. Just have fun with you:the rest will come.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/20 09:41 AM
7

Ireland is an interesting place. You should form a group to change the laws
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/20 04:59 PM
9

You don’t have to get married again. Most people don’t. You will go through lots of mental changes. Divorce is a trauma. If you got hit by a truck, you wouldn’t run a marathon the same day. But I do know is that eventually - years from now, if you work really, really hard, go to therapy, be a success as a dad and in your career, climb mountains and really, really work on yourself....... This entire shit fest of divorce will still NEVER make sense or be fair. It will never be logical, or fair or …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/20 02:17 AM
-2

Your brain isn’t even full y developed. Just file and gets therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/20 04:10 PM
7

Breathe and know 50/50 is the state standard in most states and how judges rule. Be an ass and retaliate and you lose. It’s just words coming out of the mouth of someone you used to know. Attorneys will do there job, but don’t expect hand holding. You’re running a marathon, keep calm, be a great dad to your kids and be a broken record on the 50/50. If things go sideways, stop negotiating and tell all parties you’ll see them in court.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/20 11:22 PM
3

You’re wasting your time asking the internet. Your questions are specific to your situation and variable by state, county, city and judge. spousal support can go a million ways. As there are no formulas like child support. I suggest you understand that there is not “fair” in divorce. Each party will end up unhappy and feel that they got screwed. Because of your sticking points, it doesn’t appear that you are open to accepting this. Listen to your lawyer, don’t think you’re special or your situat…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/20 10:01 PM
1

People get all emotional, but forget, no one gives two shits about someone else’s divorce. Posting makes both of you a fool. DELETE ALL SOCIAL MEDIA
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/20 12:10 AM
5

You buy her out. You’ll have to refinance the house in you name when you divorce, give her half the appreciation $$.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/20 04:46 PM
2

You’re too immature to keep a marriage. You don’t need to vilify her. You don’t want to be married. Man up and tell her, file for divorce and move on. She deserves better and you are way too young to make any lifetime decisions. You’re a coward if you stay.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 05:30 AM
5

Explain to your kid, you’re not perfect. Explain there are no directions on how to be a parent or how to be married. Tell them you did the best you could and if you had to do it over, you would do many things THE EXACT SAME. And you would change some things. Explain that everyone will have a different memory of the same events. But tell him your love him and do your best. Then tell him if he has any questions, you will answer them honestly, but understand he might not like the answers. Then tell…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/20 01:41 AM
4

Most men don’t do well with confrontation when we can’t really put in words, our feelings. You were right to put it on him. Once he understood that it was his responsibility to get over HIS guilt about his affair and that you had worked through it, he couldn’t blame his unhappiness on you. Bravo for not accepting his projection of HIS personal issues. When a man knows his woman can be happy with or without him, if he loves her, he will behave in a way that says, I’m committed to this marriage. D…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/20 04:27 PM
4

Anything is possible obviously. One usually objects to the other when a third party enters the equation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/20 11:27 PM
1

It is illegal for anyone under 21 to be in a bar in the United States. Where is this occurring?
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 06:11 AM
7

You never had a marriage. Just file and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/20 10:35 PM
3

Spam
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/20 05:13 PM
3

Pay and move on. It cost money to live. You will always make more money. What would you pay not to have cancer? What would you pay not to have your kids addicted to drugs? There is so much you can’t spend ourself out of. But divorce you can. I say pay and move on. Attorneys only win in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 06:16 PM
11

You need to explain that the half sibling child is innocent in this. The child needs to be respected and treated well by your daughter. You can take a moment to say that none of us are perfect. Your daughter doesn’t have to like her mom, but it’s better for everyone that she makes an attempt to be kind. You should also start talking to your daughter about boys, sex, birth control and such. She will need you more than everyone now. When a daughter looses all respect for her mother, her mother hol…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/20 04:54 AM
3

Roll with it. You have to embrace the good in life when it happens because we’re forced to deal with the awful when it happens! Enjoy knowing nothing is forever. None of us would get that puppy if we were hung up on to the fact that our dog will eventually get old and pass.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/20 06:28 PM
1

Just move on. Sincerely, move on. He will eventually just be like some weird uncle you see a couple times a year. He feels his loyalty to you is over, it’s time for him to be in love and honestly, he doesn’t think of you all at all until you contact him. It’s all the past, and he had forgotten all about it. I’m sorry, this is the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 05:14 PM
1

The validation is that he can treat you and your mom like crap, and you still love, adore and him. He betrayed you all, and because you don’t shame him, or hold him accountable, you are telling him it’s A-ok! That no one is hurt, his family still wants him in his life and he did nothing wrong. But he knows you are all fools and he IS a POS.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 04:30 PM
1

He is enjoying the attention. You have to move on. Your contacting him makes him feel validated in his choice to leave the family, but inside he knows he is a pos, get a good attorney
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 03:15 PM
1

You have to let him go. The cognitive dissonance and shame make him hide. He is well aware of you all reaching out, but he thinks he is a pos( which he is, even if you forgive him). Your therapist is correct. Make your new family- without him. Be sure your mom has a good attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/20 07:11 AM
3

Troll post
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/20 07:10 AM
8

You’re young, get divorced. You both should be with other people. Please, file and be generous. If you stay you will waste her life. Seriously I thought you didn’t like your wife because she was lazy and childlike? You don’t need a reason, just get divorced so she has a chance at happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 06:55 AM
5

Jesus, why don’t you both put your crazy aside and put your kid first. Walk the damn kid to the door. I don’t care about all the history. She stalks and brings presents, Yadda, Yadda. You give SO much power in your head to your ex. You gotta get some help bro. It’s gonna kill you. Therapy, drugs, something The kid is watching two adults act like spoiled kids and it’s going to affect her future relationships. You once loved this person enough to bring an innocent child into the world. Let your eg…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 03:10 AM
2

Don’t let her stay in your head. You’re doing the degree for YOU. And your kids will benefit. Yes, she may take you back to court in a few years for more money. Big deal. You’ll have more money! And she wii be making more and might be remarried. Don’t live life afraid of what might happen. Most the time it doesn’t. Your brothers life is not yours Kids will be grown and gone before you know it. Get your education. You don’t have to use it, but you’ll never regret getting advanced degrees.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 03:06 AM
10

No. I know you want to with every breathe. But that ship has sailed. Get into see a therapist and maybe try some meds short term. Ruminating thoughts can be helped with the right meds and therapy. You won’t believe it, but when you’re brain gets the right assistance, you will feel such a wonderful release from the obsession. You won’t feel like you’re constantly suffering under the ugliness that clouds your life. I wish you peace.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/20 12:04 AM
7

You have to live apart for one year in SC before you can file for divorce. You will be paying for two households, her attorney and her living expenses during that year. You will then, depending on her education and ability to get a a high paying job, be paying her alimony for life. She will get half your retirement and 1/2 of all assets, house, cars etc. Your happiness is way more important than hurting your wife and kids. Kids get over it. It’s a tough world and knowing that you’re hurting your…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 07:54 PM
2

The Supreme Court is a little busy with LGBT rights and police reform. Your state superior court might be a good start to answer any questions you have concerning child custody statutes.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 03:47 AM
2

Pick up a few parenting books. Positive parenting is a good one, kids don’t come with directions and each one is different. Parenting with love and logic is another.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/20 09:07 PM
-4

This is not a sex issue. I know men that take their child support and go hunting. It sounds like your husband’s attorney messed up. The courts can only use the legal papers they receive to take actions. Bureaucracy is what it is. Your problem is his first wife, not women, and obviously you held her accountable. Good for solving your own problem.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/20 06:11 PM
2

As others have said, don’t be an ass. Don’t ”demand” anything. You are entitled to half of assets, and will have some portion of debts. You will get spousal support if you can’t support yourself. You’re in the same position most women have been historically. Child support is calculated per your incomes as the discrepancies in income vary greatly. Depending on state, you will get a few months of spousal support to get on your feet and start gaining experience or schooling to support yourself. You…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/20 02:51 PM
3

It doesn’t matter how she gets her 1/2. She will get half of the assists at divorce and you could give her a her ADDITIONAL spousal support monthly or she may negotiate a lump sum spousal support by out. Legally You are going to have to support your kids based on last three years income. Go to school in the evenings but your first priority is supporting your kids. Any psych degree required a master’s for any Sort of therapy employment. So wage that you in your thoughts of schooling.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/20 03:38 AM
6

Go fund me is I’ll advised and in poor taste in my opinion. Stick with demand for 50/50 until she runs out of money and folds. No judge is going to go beyond normal state statutes unless you are proven to be unfit 100% of the time. You don’t have to use a lawyer for the petty back and forth. Your law bill estimate is extreme unless you’re hiding something. Just tell her you aren’t negotiating any further, don’t use a lawyer anymore, and will see her in court.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 04:28 AM
7

There shouldn’t be much to fight about in WA. it’s pretty straight forward unless she gets petty. You will have to pay child support calculated at state calculator. 50/50 custody is the norm for WA. You will also have to pay rehabilitation spousal support, usually one year for every 3 to 4 married. So about 4 years. This is to get her in school to gain some skills and develop a career. After spousal support ends and she has a job, you will pay less child support. She is entitled to 1/2 of all as…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/20 04:15 AM
3

Damn, that’s cold. It shouldn’t matter with the splitting of the financials and child support. You’re just going to be a piece of shit in the eyes of everyone who knows you. And even To most people who don’t know you, they think you’re piece of shit. But nothing personal.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/20 02:32 AM
4

Any person with your wife’s maturity has to rewrite the narrative. It’s just anger that comes out when she has a vision of herself as being perfect yet knows her actions are wrong. It’s cognitive dissonance that consumes her. Go grey rock. Tell her what she wants to hear, then go about your life. Your goal is to get to “meh” when she has her tantrums.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 09:25 PM
2

They say There is nothing more permanent and temporary orders. Obviously if her situation is still very transient, and she’s not able to have a stable home, primary custody will most likely be provided for you. But every kid needs both parents so I hope you guys can continue to work things out
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 06:46 PM
1

What does your lawyer say? What did you do that was so extreme that you were mandated by the courts to have supervised visits? That a really really rare ruling. Why not just Skype daily so 6he kids know you are fighting for them, and wait fir your final ruling. This whole scenario seems excessively traumatic for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 06:40 PM
8

Make an excel sheet with all debts and assets. Look up child support calculator. Get yourself checked for VD. Open your wallet and file for divorce. Get some help with the whole cheating thing, therapy, religion, something. Try to be,somehow, a dad your kids will respect.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/20 05:22 AM
2

Proud of you. That is a great perspective; one that resonates with me. Cheers to a better way to live.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/20 04:59 AM
-3

Mind your own business and get a life. You cheated, got another woman pregnant and are divorced. Move the fuck on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/20 06:11 AM
4

Give yourself a break. She is projecting her experience on to you and wants you to feel the deep and pain she feels. (and who says you don’t?) everyone expresses loss and life’s pains differently. She doesn’t have the market on grieving. I’m sure, just through your post you gave what you could. It does come down to biology, life experiences, childhood trauma and each other’s brain wiring. People experience life differently. You might suggest she tell you exactly, in measurable terms, what it is …
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/20 02:45 AM
2

Of course you have to pay for a child you brought into the world. Get an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/20 09:09 PM
5

You,can fight for your child anytime you’d like. What did you agree to in the final divorce decree? If she is not following the decree, fill a motion to force her to.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/20 06:26 AM
11

Your attorney should help you if you listen and follow his/her instructions. Don’t overreact and get emotional. No one will be taking anyone to the cleaners. It’s just a business transaction, treat it as such or you will only hurt yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/20 07:30 PM
6

You are living in hell. I’m so sorry. But what ever the court found you guilty of is what you need to rectify. Supervised visits aren’t normal procedure.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/20 07:50 PM
-1

Your attorney must love you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/20 06:59 AM
1

you need a therapist, or call 911 for help
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/20 07:02 PM
0

Divorce us trading known problems for unknown problems with half the money and help. Most all problems could have been solved if issues were addressed quickly before resentment and loneliness took over. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and consideration. Keeping the kids and family together is easier, healthier than two separate homes, new step kids, new baggage from new series of partners. And financial stress. But only you can decide if it’s best or not. I know more people than not …
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/20 01:50 AM
6

You’re going to have to find a gal that you like, that ALSO likes you, likes the same activities as you, has the same off time as you, doesn’t want a romantic relationship and doesn’t want sex or commitment. Like maybe ask,your sister? No, it’s not wrong, just a long shot. Edit- you’re going to have to negotiate with her, that’s what divorce is- one long negotiation.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/20 05:01 AM
16

She is selfish and immature. It’s powerful for an insecure, jealous person to feel like they can have you at any moment. Let her go. There are plenty of other whole loving women who want a guy with no kids. She hurts when you talk about other women? Who gives a shit? She is PURPOSELY hurting you by stringing you along. If she really loved you she would respect you and climb over mountains to be with you, let her go. Ignore the words, believe the actions.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/20 03:40 AM
2

It would be great if we could all categorize people with a simple psycho label. But alas, such simplicity is invalid.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/20 11:09 PM
2

You won’t be able to screw over your wife, sorry. File as married will save you the most money and pay the least amount of taxes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 10:01 PM
1

Sometimes the bio dad is a piece of shit and it’s way better for a woman to raise a child alone than have the bio dad not show up for their kid. Some bio dads are just spermatozoon donors.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 07:08 PM
1

Just straight out ask for the behavior you want from your ex in measurable terms. Tell her you will only communicate through text or whatever medium works for both of you. People only do what works for them. If the kids come to you as a messenger, tell them thanks but you and mom have decided it’s best for adults to talk to adults. Then ignore any messages as if you didn’t hear them. Use the family wizard for communication, or a specific ap. If your wife says, the kids told you something, tell h…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 06:31 PM
1

https://mydhrbenefits.dhr.state.md.us/dashboardclient/#/csocWorksheetA
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 02:16 PM
2

Wherever the child lives, is where you will pay child support.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 02:04 PM
2

Each state has a specific calculator for child support inputting both salaries. It depends on how much time you and she split raising your child.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 01:54 PM
12

I get it. It’s a pain worse than the divorce, when some other person is injected into our kids life. But know this. He will never replace you. He will never be his dad. Thus guy will never love your kid like you do. You are imagining this great magical relationship. But it’s not like that. This guy is his moms “friend” Eventually thus guy will try to father your kid, and your kid will have none of it. Eventually this guy is some weird uncle to be tolerated by your kid. Be honest with your son. S…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 04:59 AM
2

You need to file for divorce or for legal separation. The clock starts when the courts verify correct paperwork. Moving out, or moving to separate areas of a house mean nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 04:51 AM
0

I have to disagree. My daughters date their equals. Educated, hardworking, respectful. The millenniums I know, want a true partner and expect no less from each other. We older fell into our parents rolls, but the world changed so quickly, we floundered.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/20 12:00 AM
2

MGTOW is a circle jerk for women haters. I wouldn’t want my daughter to date someone who believes a man should treat his partner this way. Just read the poster’s comments. It’s sad really.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 09:04 PM
4

File jointly, you will be paying a lot more taxes as a single person soon enough.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 12:42 AM
14

Don’t leave. Tell her to leave if she wants out. Get an excel spreadsheet of assets and debts. Decide how you want to divide the assets by 2. Look up your state superior court family law website. The directions are there. You don’t need an attorney to fill out the forms. Close all joint credit and bank accounts. Finish your degree. You’re going to be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 12:16 AM
1

TLDR
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/20 11:48 PM
3

Judges don’t require supervised visits for one yelling=g at a man to get out of his house. There is probably much more to this. Get a better attorney If you really feel you are a saint and your wife fabricated and lied. Your attorney should easily be able to fix this if you did no harm.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/20 03:11 AM
5

Yes, too old.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/20 09:49 AM
7

It’s just a legal term. You are each others spouse. If she dies walking into sign the divorce papers, she is still considered your spouse and you would inherit everything. I get it though. My stbx says ‘We” al the time and I have to remind them, there is no we. It’s you. And it’s me-no “we”ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/20 02:34 AM
1

All assets are split, usually 50:50, that were gained during marriage. How you both do the math per getting the assets decided to sum equal to both parties is up to you both. Get all financial paperwork together and start looking at your state superior court web pages. Everything is fairly self explanatory. No shared kids and it’s easy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 08:05 PM
1

She ruined her body, survived childbirth, and worked to raise two great kids alongside me.She will always be honored as a mother of my children. I do a nice card and a flat of flowers. My kids are older and they do their own thing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 08:00 PM
1

Life is a series of choices. Life for every human is unfair and has no guarantees. Playing the victim is a waste of a life. Adapt or die.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 04:20 PM
1

As per your other posts, it doesn’t matter. It must be hell living in your home right now. You can read all the bedtime stories and fight over who feeds your kid. 50/50 is the norm. Higher earner contributes child support. Document until your fingers bleed, your atty just wants you busy so you quit calling over petty shit.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 02:37 PM
4

Your wife took your drug stash worth $15k, and kicked you out. I would suggest a shelter where you can get into a rehab program.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 03:51 PM
2

It’s Sole occupancy. She has every right to fight a questionable room mate. Why would you risk it with your kids, as well as 5 other kids you know nothing about?. Kids can do awful things to other children that adults never find out about. I’m with your wife on this, I would never allow any person with any history of addiction, as well as 5 other children whom I do not know, to live with my children.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 01:04 AM
1

It will be interesting to see how your case all works out. Courts are good at allowing each party, to spend as much money as they are willing, to say their peace, lies, truths, bullshit. Most all pettiness will be privately dismissed by the judge because he/she realizes he/she is dealing with hurt adults who act like children and actual hurt kids. Things will settle to 50/50, the states norm. As they say, there is nothing more permanent than temporary child custody arrangements. Glad you got you…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 12:43 AM
1

Requiring supervised visits by the courts is nothing to play with. It’s easiest if everyone follows the court orders until your next court date. Continue with the Skype and phone calls.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 11:12 PM
3

No it’s a gift, unless it’s millions of dollars, it won’t be considered as community property as long you don’t combine it in a joint account or pay the gift towards the mortgage. Open a new account at a new bank, where you will keep the gifted amounts until everything has been finalized. Also, don’t use the money to buy a new car or something.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 02:43 PM
2

Looks like Reddit helps you vent and you’ve got money to burn. Judges don’t care about all the pettiness. Your entire divorce will eventually settle at state statues. Continue with your therapist. Looks like you married a mirror in female form.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 03:58 PM
2

All of this bs doesn’t sound like discovery in my state. Discovery is financials. Are you fighting for full custody or something? All of what you wrote no judge gives two shits about.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 09:39 AM
1

You just need to provide info pertinent to your divorce. The list provide by the atty is a generic catch all. You don’t need medical unless one of you can’t work. You don’t need loan stuff, unless obviously, you have loaned money and have a contract. It’s not that difficult to obtain tax returns, pay stubs, credit card statements and such. One thing at a time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 02:28 AM
1

Two Questions: I realize this is a financial question: I know, ask your accountant, attorney. But maybe someone has done this. Is a one time lump sum cash payment, usually offered at less than the sum of the total monthly payments over time? Say one person wants cash to buy a house today. Does cashing out a spouse today have any advantages, instead of in 3 years of one set amount? Is there a common formula like, ?%. less for lump cash vs 3 years of monthly payments? I know the tax ramifications …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 02:06 AM
5

Gifts are usually excluded from division.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 01:42 AM
2

He’s a prolific troll. Daily new personal accounts which get reported, but this is his spam that continues to be allowed. He sometimes takes a day off: Probably injecting bleach or inserting a LED in various bodily orifices.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 03:37 PM
2

I get it you’re young, but Sweet jeezus, grow some balls. You blame her for every decision YOU MADE. Your choices were yours and your alone. One bad choice, sure. But consistently being a sucker? That’s on you. Take a class in assertiveness and boundaries. See a therapist who can help you adult. She can’t be happy either. Get a divorce and row your own boat.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 11:33 PM
1

Go see a child psychologist. You are going to need help being a single parent navigating this.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 11:24 PM
4

Most the the”documentation” people advise will be excluded as hearsay. You will need video and several witnesses. If she attacks you call the cops and report her abuse, this will allow you to file a restraining order. You should fight for full custody with her having supervised visits if she is really as mentally ill as you claim.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/20 04:44 PM
1

Yea, you’re definitely dreaming going in so utterly unrealistically. This makes you look like a controlling asshole, honestly. You want a divorce but want to still control her. You want to punish her. Dog rights? Seriously? Half of what you ask for will be laughed at by the non partial mediator. This list is going to lead to a trial, and no, she won’t be paying your legal fees. Buckle up, it’s going to get expensive and drawn out. It’s obvious you want to stay in her daily life, and receive atte…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/20 01:00 AM
3

What the fuck? . You are supposed to protect your kids. Instead you record your kids getting beat with belts. You are an accomplice. Why do you let it happen? Why do you put your kids in a place that someone can beat, degrade, humiliate, neglect them.? This is a you problem. If a neighbor came into your house, beat your kids wouldn’t you call the cops? What is your problem that you don’t protect your kids? Why don’t you get your kids the fuck out of there? You are in control of this and the kids…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/20 05:59 PM
3

Original poster is talking about shared custody, meaning share TIME and decision making in raising your child. More and more states grant 50/50 custody time when both parents have equal time, home conditions, location and mental health etc. Your response is to your view of a parent not paying money $$ which each state has calculated, to support their child. Big difference. And you’re correct, child support is designed to support the housing, food etc for your child, so the state welfare and taxp…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/20 05:19 PM
9

You need to stay out of judging anyone else’s marriage. It’s between her and him. Be a friend and listen but know that the only people who really knows what goes on in a marriage are those participating. When he’s ready, he will reach out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/20 07:25 AM
2

Yes and no. If this is his second divorce he knows how to hide money. Your attorney is justified in doing a forensic accounting if your Styx is self employed. I know 20k or more is expensive, but you’ll be,happy years from now that you didn’t leave any money on the table that you are entitled to. Good luck. Divorce hurts,everyone
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/20 04:00 AM
3

We’ve all done this. We’re human.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 02:23 PM
25

Delete Facebook.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/20 01:00 AM
2

Marriage is designed to fail in today’s world. ALL Humans have too many flaws to make a promise to love, honor and cherish until death do us part. It’s asinine. Shit, remember when you were supposed to be a virgin? You supported the family, wife stayed home and took care of the kids, cooked, cleaned and this was supposed to be enough fulfillment for both spouses for the next 60 years? Now men lose their shit is the woman stays home, or man is a failure if he doesn’t make enough working 40 hours …
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/20 05:51 PM
5

It’s not going to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 11:04 PM
7

By the time you go to counseling, it is 3 years too late.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 03:37 PM
3

So you both parented. You should get 50/50 custody. Your attorney should be explaining this to you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 02:03 AM
2

Courts care that you are both mentally, emotionally and financially capable of being a good parent. Courts care that you can behave like adults and work together. If you get 50/50 custody she will owe you some child support, depending on whom pays for medical insurance and any daycare, because she makes more money than you. You will be due 1/2 the equity gained in the house since you married. And 1/2 any other assets and retirement gained during marriage. That’s it. Now you go about your life an…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 02:02 AM
1

It sounds like if you’re fighting over something so mundane you better look at the long game. It’s going to get very expensive. No, judges don’t care who reads bedtime stories.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 01:44 AM
3

I’m sorry if this is a bit harsh but You wanted a divorce. You have a temporary child custody arrangement currently of 70/30. She is under no requirement to give up her time for you to read a bedtime story, just like you are of no obligation to give up your time with your child to her. It seems like all you’re doing is being controlling and upsetting your child. Your actions are really making the child choose and he’s 5. This is fucked up. No court is going to care that reading a bedtime story t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/20 01:30 AM
-1

I guess if you need to gloat, reddit is the place. I Feel sorry for your kids though.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/20 01:56 AM
2

She didn’t subpoena your employer, her attorney did. And this is just standard procedure if you weren’t able to settle at mediation. If neither of you could agree on facts before hand, it’s the job of the attorney to see if there is any missing information that will gain more exposure to the complete story. The attorney is probably doing it just as much for you as for his client as maybe she is the one that thinks there’s more to the financials. Don’t take it personal. It’s standard procedure. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/20 02:47 PM
1

Yes, definitely. But do it for yourself as much as the kids and the courts. Most states will easily grant 50/50 without much reserve as long as you both have similar work schedules and keep the kids in same school district.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/20 03:00 AM
1

You wrote originally that she “has no job/disability When a slash is used in a formal or informal text, it is meant to indicate the word or.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/20 04:17 PM
3

If you’re front line working in a hospital, you should self isolate when not at work. Doesn’t matter if you’re single, married, male, female, trans, identify as a pumpkin. We all need to do what is best for our kids. If that means we have to Skype everyday, so be it. So sick of people not putting their kids first. Kids need to be with the parent that can keep the child protected as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 08:54 PM
1

Why don’t you help her apply for disability? Either SSDI or SSI. You don’t have to stay, but you do have to help support her.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 04:13 PM
6

You were married 20 years. She moved out last week. You don’t have a custody agreement. Courts won’t care two shits because she’s done nothing illegal. Men and women can write a novel “documenting” their perceived slights. Good way to journal your anger, but court and attorneys won’t even look at it, but will charge you a 1/2 hour for the annoyance. Courts don’t punish childish behavior, it’s expected, you don’t like each other. Attorneys tell you to “document” these petty rants more to keep you…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/20 03:50 AM
2

Listen to your attorney. Mediation is not “going to court”. Courts don’t care who cheated. States are no fault. Mediation is where both parties compromise. If you can’t come to an agreement, then you go to court. Court is about 5k a day for each of you, so your goal should be 50% assets and 3 years rehabilitation spousal support. Listen to your attorney and don’t get anyone else pregnant. Divorce with a kid will be three times worse.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/20 02:53 AM
6

If you take legal advice from your ex, you’re a fool. Get an attorney. You really, really need someone to guide you. Divorce laws are straight forward but you haven’t made the best choices by yourself and need a great deal of help now. Judges don’t care about you cheating on your wife and getting another woman pregnant. They just care about splitting assets and you paying enough to your wife to keep her off welfare. Get an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/20 02:38 AM
2

Basically all you can do is tell her what you just wrote, or send her your proof of poor lawyer advice an email. If she chooses to listen or not is up to her. You may feel your offer is fair, but you’ll be surprised how a judge may decide. Remember, your attorney is telling you a story of what you want to hear, her attorney is telling her a different story of what she wants to hear. In the end you will both meet in the middle and have to pay for your own attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/20 11:08 PM
1

She fell in love with someone she was polyamousing with
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/20 02:40 AM
3

I would always try to settle first. If you can lay out the basics and show how the state dissolves marriages people are usually reasonable. Lawyers often times spend 7 months doing what you two could do in 3 hours. And you can split the 10k you didn’t give the attys.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/20 03:22 PM
1

People who don’t take the time to educate themselves on divorce process for their state get screwed. Look up your state superior court family law website. Its all listed there. You have to be in the game to protect yourself. Get all the discovery yourself, make 3 copies. Sit down and separate everything. Agree in principle and then take it to an attorney. (S). Ignorant, hurt, petty people make divorce expensive. If you and your spouse are emotionally healthy and intelligent divorce will look lik…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/20 10:13 PM
2

CO https://www.custodyxchange.com/maps/dads-custody-time-2018.php
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/20 04:01 AM
3

Each state is so different. Some are back ass hillbilly, or more republican leaning, and others very fair. Just depends on where you live. I was treated very fairly. 50/50 custody, 50/50 assets division, state calculated child support. I think it depends on the personality you’re divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/20 12:51 AM
13

The kids are driving her nuts, that’s all. Has nothing to do with safety. What an awful person. I’m sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/20 01:52 AM
4

You can ask. Judges have ruled many times over, gifts belong to the receiver.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/20 01:04 AM
1

Getting a good therapist- like a PhD qualified, was a game changer. Understanding what ruminations were real and why sometimes specific feelings feel “stuck” helped me more than time or my friends.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/20 09:57 PM
1

Don’t bring your petty crap to them. Look up the state statutes as to what is normal d]for divorce 50/50 custody, child support, child custody etc. get help with the major things, they have a thousand others to deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/20 04:39 PM
2

You may have to pay some alimony. Don’t say anything unless she brings it up. Usually it’s used to help the lower income spouse, man or woman, get back in their feet financially or educationally. She will probably be going to work full time so if day care is an issue, you’ll be paying for that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/20 05:49 AM
1

Mental illness is highly under diagnosed
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/20 04:35 PM
1

No judge cares two shits about verbal abuse. Record for days. No one cares.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/20 06:17 AM
-2

This poster is a red pill circle jerk. You can’t reason with his tantrums. He has his misogynistic agenda and posts this shit on the reg. Disregard the bate posts. He gets a hard one blaming anyone smarter Than him. ( everyone) People who spend tens of thousands on a divorce are people who want to spend this much money on a divorce. It works for them.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/20 06:12 AM
2

Well this is when you divorce. Call an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/20 04:19 PM
1

If you hate your wife more than you love your kids you need to stay away from all of them until you know that you will not harm them. If you feel you can’t stop yourself, please call 911.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/20 04:17 PM
1

It depends how long you were married and if either of you have retirement or 401k savings. It looks like a great deal if it’s for real. I’d wait for,the,banks appraisal to agree on,exact buy out
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/20 10:24 PM
3

It doesn’t matter if they are living together. What exactly do your divorce papers say? Alimony ends at cohabitation or at remarriage?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/20 04:32 AM
7

When you see the wedding date on the county records, file for amendment to your divorce. As you said, she may wait until Alimony ends and be engaged for years. Not much you can do until she is legally married.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/20 03:59 AM
4

Please tell her ASAP. She may want to make some choices. Being dishonest never benefits either of you. If she wants to stay in her city, let her stay. She will need a lot of support if she raises children without you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/20 02:31 AM
1

Every state is no fault. No court cares who cheated.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 12:57 AM
1

Assist you with what? Your marriage was tiny. Your house appreciation is minimal. Maybe 5% ? So her house has appreciated 5%, she owes you 2.5% of that. Is paying your solicitor thousands of dollars worth the 2.5%? I’d cut my losses and divorce and move on. It’s not going to be worth the fight. How are you going to pay for an attorney? There are no charities that are going to spend hours of time over such a short marriage with little $ effect on either party. It’s basically each of you take what…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 12:52 AM
3

You can grab a beer, read a book and know your kids are fine. Be a strong leader to your family. You’re going to spin yourself silly. Your kids are in good care.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 12:01 AM
1

Calm down, it’s all going to be fine. She is probably just trying to keep the kids distracted and safe. It’s all going to pass, and you’ll see the kids soon. You’re going to make a problem where there is none.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/20 12:00 AM
1

Sincerely. It’s not too late. People fall in and out of love all the time in a long marriage. It’s all about communication. What you need to do is build a new life. Start doing everything you ever imagined you wanted to do and try something new. You’re making her the main problem. Really it’s just life. It’s time for you to start working towards some goals. Start running. Start swimming, start learning a second language. Start a new career. She is just as bored with you as you are with her. She …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/20 06:59 AM
3

I wouldn’t lead in with your original description. The way you talk about your ex reflects a lot about how you view the world. In your case, she’s going to believe you you aren’t good at seeing red flags in women.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 06:46 PM
1

You need to let your family heal. If you were working 70 hours per week and she had to take care of 9 kids, that might make marriage difficult. If you want to be with your kids, move back to where they live, get an apartment and job and accept that the divorce is going to happen. She is working and and caring for 6 kids. No one is forcing you to not be their father. No one is tricking you into not being an roll model to your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/20 04:38 PM
26

No one cares two shits about another’s divorce. It’s great gossip for 5 minutes and then everyone gets on with their lives. Everyone knows that each spouse will spin their own narrative. No one cares, I promise. Do you care about your next door neighbor’s divorce? See, no one cares.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 06:03 PM
14

You don’t love or respect her. File and be generous. marriage isn’t for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 12:42 PM
1

This is true for long term marriages. The law has the duty to put you back basically to premarital finances in your short 3 year marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 12:19 PM
2

Chill, she will need proof. It’s going yo be fine. Get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/20 12:23 PM
2

You take it to court. You are due 1/2 the appreciation of the 3 years you were married. It might not be worth the solicitor’s fees to fight it. Depends how much the house gained in value in 3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/20 11:52 AM
1

So she has sole custody for 5 days? You make it sound like it’s for a year or two. Big deal. You have court on Tuesday. You’ll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/20 11:40 AM
2

She has sole custody for five days. When you go to court it will be worked out There must be more to this. Did she file a police report? Does she have texts or a witness? The courts would file a restraining order against you if this were true. What does the restraining order say? What does your attorney say? Have you rented a safe place to live that has adequate bedrooms?. Are you both living in the same school district?. Courts don’t grant sole temporary custody unless the child is under 3 or t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/20 03:07 AM
3

Go back to your lawyer and tell them to make it right. That you want the 401k to transfer as a percentage at divorce date. Also the QDRO hasn’t been signed yet right? It’s usually done after divorce us finalized. The QDRO is the most important part. BUT if it’s really a hassle, 10k is not that much money. You will always make more money.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 11:09 PM
1

Mediation is always mandated prior to a trial. Long term marriages usually try to set each spouse on similar financials going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 10:37 AM
5

You call your ex wife, tell her your girlfriend is pregnant with your child, then ask her if she wants to meet your new girlfriend. That’s about it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 12:33 AM
0

If you want more spousal maintenance from your wife, that may be difficult. If the judge modified now, you may have to `consider the new tax laws. Basically she will be in a high tax bracket so she will have less money overall. This means that you also will receive less money from your wife. It might be worth it to higher an attorney. But She has more money to pay for an attorney who might be able to lower or eliminate her having to pay to support you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 12:30 AM
3

Unless you adopted the child, and the child’s father agreed to give up all rights, your divorce will go easily. If she wants the divorce also, can she get all the paperwork together in Georgia? A short term marriage is fairly easy to dissolve as you probably have very little assets. Ask her how she would like to proceed. You’ll be fine. Some rare Hurt people like to go all hysterical with tales of doom because they are still upset about their own divorce and made a lot of mistakes. People who di…
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/20 04:35 PM
7

You just do you. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be a good man or father. Why do you care what anyone else thinks. If you meet someone great, if not that’s also great. I believe most healthy men and women just want peace and a happy home after divorce. Having to work around another adult who is not your child’s parent sounds like hell to me. Friends with benefits is freely available for both sexes. No reason to remarry.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 09:58 PM
1

Yes, all debt and assets acquired during marriage is shared. If his debt is from student loans 10 year before a short term marriage, this is his debt alone. If he has a separate bank savings account that was never used during marriage from ten years ago, this would be considered separate property.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 07:05 PM
7

Good vent. It must be frustrating for you. You’re over functioning. This enables her to under-function. What she eats should be of no concern to you. You are trying to control another person. This is never going to be successful. The only person you can control is yourself. You can state your concerns, ask for what you want, but as you know, she has the right to dismiss you. You have fears that she feels are unfounded. She believes you are controlling and overreacting. You believe that if you do…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 05:15 PM
2

All debt
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 03:56 PM
2

Yea, bullshit. Why would you even type this out?
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 04:34 AM
2

Well you vandalized your house. This probably scared your kids and wife. Follow the agreement to the letter. Don’t,take kids when it’s not you time. It will get better as you follow the legal agreement. I thought you already sold,your car? Your post history changes your story.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 09:29 PM
0

People have been petty for as old as time. This is how she feels she has a sense of control. Divorce hurts everyone. She is a like little kid acting out because this is her developmental level. Don’t expect any ‘ punishment’ for her pettiness. The courts look at this and tell you both to grow up, then follow the state divorce custody statutes. No divorce is special or unique. Judges just follow the law. You hear horror stories because everyone wants to be the victim.. she took everything! I got …
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 03:42 PM
1

Thus is nuts. It doesn’t matter who does laundry etc. if you can provide a safe environment for your kid, 50/50 is the norm in most states. Let her go nuts, it won’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 03:07 PM
-1

Men loosing control. Not comfortable to say the least.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 02:35 PM
1

When We refinanced the house, my wife did all the paperwork. When my wife asked a question, the manager would look me in the eye and answer me. Lol. I think it’s about other people’s perception of sex roles. Nothing,personal. Changing society is slow.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 01:58 PM
1

Don’t make it sexist, both sexes fuck each other over
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/20 02:42 AM
1

Well, not the answer everyone is telling you, but I’d negotiate her down to 12,000.00. You will always make more money. My attorney calls this “go away money’. I’m sorry you’re in this crap.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/20 10:08 PM
1

Then it’s not worth 18k. What is she doing to say, you’re an asshole who cheated, and is a bad guy? Tell her to go for it. No one cares about someone else’s divorce. An angry ex is nothing new to HR. File a restraining order against her, inform your boss, that she’s nuts and is extorting you. Tell him to prepare for her slander. Done. If you’ve done nothing to effect your performance or image of the company , your job doesn’t care. It’s such an odd thing for an ex to do if you don’t have some sk…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/20 09:05 PM
1

Still need to know what you did at work that has you so afraid of her talking.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/20 07:55 PM
1

Only 5% of divorces ever go to court. Most larger companies offer 1/2 to an hour per year of legal services from specific attorneys. It is not any type of “ legal insurance”. It is merely a benefit your employer provides. It’s will serve you to look up your own state divorce statutes, and sit down with spouse and understand what the split will look like financially and for custody. Go ahead and ask the free attorney questions, but a mediator is far cheaper if you both want a fair split. 5000 peo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/20 11:12 PM
2

Did you do something illegal at work? Or sketchy? What exactly is delicate condition your afraid of? What could she possibly tell your employer, that she can prove, that harms your job? I’d feel she’s just going to say you cheated or were a slimy husband, this won’t effect your job. No one gives to shits what happens in someone else’s marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/20 02:57 AM
-3

Don’t be so emotional and irrational dude. Settle down, no need to be hysterical. . Man the fuck up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/20 12:09 AM
-1

I’m sorry you are upset. Child support and spousal support have absolutely nothing to do with the sex of either spouse. Child support has to do with a very simple mathematical formula specific to each county in the US. The higher earner pays to help equalize households. I get it. Stay home husband cheats, files for divorce, wife ends up paying spousal support and child support for 18 years It’s asinine, not fair and utter bullshit. But understand, Child support is intended to equalize households…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 10:33 PM
2

Why are you angry? The state mandates this amount so tax payer don’t end up paying for your kids because they are on welfare. You’ll always make more money.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 04:07 PM
5

Get a good therapist. There is nothing more harmful to a child that senses and/or knows it was unwanted and knows you feel it is nothing but a burden and “salve” to him or her. Its natural to feel self hatred when we believe the actions we completely chose to make, had unintended (though not unexpected) consequences. You have children, and I assume an exwife. Millions of people are in this situation, and learn to thrive. Acceptance come from maturity and therapy. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 03:29 PM
6

It sounds like you want to stay in your wife’s life daily. Dog visitation, m-f child care? If the house doesn’t matter, get something close to work and the kids’ schools. You might bring up wanting the kids to stay in same school district. When she starts dating she may want to move in with him if she’s forced to rent. Remember EVERYONE loses in divorce. Pick your big two and let the other stuff go. Child custody time, support, taxes, spousal support, easiest easy to split all financials 50:50. …
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/20 12:28 AM
4

Maybe chasing tail is a momentary escape but you’ve got two sons who need a dad. Get the divorce finalized, your money under control. Also dope isn’t going to get you anything but a continued spiral down the drain. Get some help dealing with the pain of divorce and get your head straight. Your kids need a role model and real dad. Until you get your life and responsibilities in order the only ass you’ll get is bottom feeders and that leads to NOTHING good.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/20 01:04 PM
0

It depends what your fighting over. Divorces are pretty straight forward.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/20 03:16 AM
1

That will be between her and her lawyer. You will negotiate on everything but it all comes down to 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/20 11:38 PM
5

Well, you want to extract every penny also don’t you? That is what happens when two business partners decide to sell a business. Each partner wants wants their half equally. Pension is split per years you’ve been married. Your 401k and the house is the same. Should be pretty straight forward. Get last 3 income tax records, pay stubs, investments, house appraised. Make a spreadsheet, file.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/20 09:22 PM
1

Divorce hurts kids and destroys families. Hope you feel better soon.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/20 05:17 PM
2

She sounds immature
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 03:39 PM
13

It’s good to vent. This too shall pass bro. All assets are split 50/50. She won’t get 75% of your pension. And women don’t automatically get the kids. Ask your lawyer to help calm your fears
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 05:07 AM
1

True
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 02:04 AM
2

You’re not Einsteins. Judges see this Vegas plan everyday. I would buy that new car and purchase new furniture, appliances etc now
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 08:39 PM
0

She’s not wrong. She carried the kid for nine months. I think who ever carries medical, has medical decision making, Ask your attorney
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 08:36 PM
2

Get out quickly. Her,guilt will help your settlement. If you start hiding, she will get an attorney and you’ll still lose 1/2 but you might have to pay spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 07:32 PM
2

I’m sorry. It is truly fucked. I’m so sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 07:31 PM
1

It will, I’ve seen it happen. And especially if she has to take you to court to prove it. Lawyers and forensic accountants will easily run you 10k to find out you’re hiding money. And then the judge awards her MORE.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 07:29 PM
3

Sometimes a kid is much better off not having a father than having to live with an unhappy man who sees him as a burden. If you honestly ( no judgement).Regret having had a kid and only look at him as a financial burden, it’s best to walk away. Every kid needs a good, mature male to show him how to become a man, it doesn’t have to be the sperm donor. Either way you’re being around, ( angry, victimized, in poverty) or physically absent is going to mess up your kid. Maybe she will remarry a great …
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 07:23 PM
13

I honor you by seeing your wife as a flawed human. We all are. We are all good and bad, hurt and arrogant. I can be an asshole fir no reason. I know I’m being an asshole but I never stop to figure out what I’m really struggling with. Is it my job, the wasted money, my asshole dads voice in my head from childhood? We are all messed up souls trying to live a life we didn’t choose. Peace to you
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 07:17 PM
0

Yea, get some counseling for all of you. When you hurt the ex-wife by being bitchy, it hurts his child too. Step parenting is difficult. But as you mature, you understand that raising healthy kids is the purpose of having a family. When your husband misses weekends, she has to act like it doesn’t hurt her. Because if she acts up, a child feels like you won’t love her and she will never see him. Seriously, get some,family counseling. I
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 11:57 PM
1

First off, to be kind, you love your husband and want to believe every word he says. He was a great husband and his first wife was awful. Honestly that’s probably not all true right? Second, you knew he was divorced with child when you married him. Situations like yours happen when remarriages happen, it’s part of the package. You are mixing two families together there is always going to be challenges. Your husband signed the divorce papers, you didn’t. He agreed to the custody arrangement, you …
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 10:55 PM
2

Title and deed are the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 02:21 PM
3

You only have to pay her 1/2 the equity and refinance the loan. So if the house would sell today at 400k, and you owe 300k, you give her 50k and refinance the loan to 350 into your name only.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 02:19 PM
3

Here’s the deal. She’s selfish. Meaning she is Self-FIRST. You are absolutely correct in that country life is a huge burden for someone who has had the luxuries of city water, electricity, stores etc. I would tell how dire you feel this decision will be for your marriage. Divorce is a hell like no other, but when someone puts their self first above logic and their kids, it’s impossible to hold in the resentment. And you will resent her. No, now is not the time to move. The kids need stability. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 03:47 AM
3

Judges don’t give two shits about this pettiness. Judges care about the kids and splitting assets. Don’t waste you out time, just get through the bs and get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/20 09:45 PM
31

Well, obviously you know that announcing what a cheater she is and trying to hurt her career is going to cost you financially. If she can’t work, you’re going to pay more child support and/or spousal support. Thus she gets to stay home and you have less money. If you choose to vandalize property, there are enough cameras and people to connect it back to you. This makes you mentally unstable, if caught could restrict child custody, legal problems, criminal record. If you choose to go on blast on …
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/20 07:20 PM
1

Legal marriage? I believe the contract is not needed except for legal reasons in western society. But I think the public proclamation of marriage tells the world we are committed to another person first and foremost. Humans aren’t meant to be alone. It’s really that simple. I needed a woman to accept my seed and grow my children. Having a tribe, helpmate, sex partner, confidant, makes life much easier as a whole. I had a desire to love something-family- greater than myself. But, humans are imper…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/20 04:21 PM
7

You need a lawyer. When she comes asking for child support in three years you’re going to be screwed. Sell the house
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/20 03:32 PM
4

Exactly this. People have exit affairs because the want to feel better about themselves. Because they want to feel attractive and wanted by new blood. It has nothing to do with the spouse they’re leaving
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/20 04:10 AM
5

You are divorcing. Follow your state guidelines. She is probably due alimony for three years. She can use that towards school. Don’t agree to anything until you speak to a lawyer. You’re going to pay child support and alimony. That is Enough and you might barely be able to pay your own bills. What if you did get locked into school loans.? But if she never finishes school? Or changes her degree? Or decides to take time off? How much do you really want to be chained supporting her life after you d…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/20 06:09 AM
5

Income tax records, last 3 years
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/20 05:07 AM
11

In his high conflict divorce, My guess is that he gave up his finances to his ex in exchange for taking the kids out if state and having primary custody. Title is twisted but must be his perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/20 05:02 AM
2

Interesting perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/20 05:02 AM
1

I believe your missing the first part. If you agreed to to one weekend a month, WHAT WEEKEND? What are the specifics of your agreement. I believe what your quoting is IN addition to your time. WHEN your ex agrees...Say you want to take the kid in a vacation for 7 days, your allowed to if your spouse agrees. If your visitation weekend falls on a three day weekend, you’re allowed to keep your kid for the three days, if she and you agree. You really need your attorney to explain every word to you. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/20 12:00 AM
13

I highly recommend continuing with a good therapist. So much of the pain is the brain ruminating round and round on the ‘what if’s’. The hope, the logic, the pain, the depression, the internal judgement. I suggest you Understand and admit to yourself that you are experiencing a really traumatic experience. This is not a fender bender. This is a 180 of everything you thought your life was going to be. You just got hit by a dump truck going 100mph. It’s going to take a lot of work, self kindness, …
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/20 06:02 PM
3

Would have judge my spouse solely on their actions instead of their words.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 06:26 PM
2

Good for you. I think it’s best to accept there will always be a what if. But also, we have learned, it takes two people working 100% of the time to make a good marriage. Blessings to you
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 09:00 AM
4

She just had a baby, of course she’s overwhelmed, out of shape and lonely with you gone all the time and she having no friends. It sounds like fatherhood has not been all,you have hoped for and the responsibilities of supporting your wife and child is harder than you thought. See a counselor and try to understand what your real issues are. Divorce is always an option, but they will always be a part of your life. Childcare is hella expensive as well as child support. If things are tight now, unde…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 03:14 AM
0

Typical! The red states are ass backwards on men’s rights! This is horrible. “The study also shows red states have been the least eager to move toward equal custody time for both parents. Twenty-two percent of red states currently give equal custody as standard, compared to 40 percent of blue states. On average, a typical divorced dad living in a red state will see his child 400 fewer hours each year than a blue-state dad” Republicans destroying families and not supporting men’s rights. Republic…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 02:46 AM
1

Most every state starts at 50/50. It’s a given today. You have to be a serious harm to your kids to be granted less. Many parents agree to 60/40, other because of work schedules. But 50/50 is the norm now.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 01:39 AM
1

You went years in a dead relationship and then you chose to marry her? Glad you finally filed in the county you actually live in, the system works easier that way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 10:10 PM
1

I see whiskey
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 05:24 PM
5

Complete sentences, punctuation and congruent paragraphs might help you express what ever it is your attempting to communicate
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/20 09:32 AM
6

Keep your dating completely separate from your family life. You’re ready to date but your kids will take a lot longer to see their parents as separate people. The kids don’t give two fucks if they see you happy with another woman. The kids have gone through a divorce, where they had no choice nor control. They need time for you and your wife to prove that you won’t be leaving them too. Kids are not adults. Only date when kids are at wife’s house I promise you, your kids do not want to meet your …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/20 02:46 AM
3

Courts start at where the child lives now. If a parent wants to move out of city, the other has to agree somewhat. You have just as much power as she has, file for rehabilitation spousal support so that you can get more education or training to get a better paying career. She will be paying you child support and alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 07:06 PM
11

Ok, breathe. Just take a huge breathe and let it out slowly. I know your pain, I know the mindfuck it is to be where you are. I prayed for death. The depression actually is so encompassing, my body, mind and even my hair hurt. I didn’t want to kill myself but I didn’t want to live. I couldn’t make the pain stop. I hated waking because I had to wait for 14 more hours until the sweet release of sleep. I get it and lived it for years. What helped me is everything you’re doing and finding, after 3 t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 04:53 AM
6

Everyone is divorcing a narcissist on Reddit. I suggest you don’t use that label with the judge, unless you have documentation that she has actually been evaluated by a clinical psychiatrist and been vetted as actually having narc personality disorder. Judges hate that crap and it comes off as mudslinging and juvenile, and may hurt you. She may have narc behaviors, but only 3% of population is actually labeled true NPD. The judge wants to see documentation That you provide a safe home and love. …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 04:21 AM
3

You’ll be fine. I’m sad to see anyone in a divorce case to have to go through this. Just show that you provide a safe, encouraging, loving home. Each child has their own bed, clothes, towels, a place to do their homework, safe place to play. Locks on doors, a chore chart on fridge if kids are old enough. Also have plenty of prepared meals available in the fridge, clean house, bathroom. Laundry facilities, meds locked up. They want to see you having a consistently safe routine with the kids. Home…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/20 03:24 AM
2

Rare but obviously a personal experience.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 04:33 PM
3

“ the point here is that you can be dishonest countless times, but being honest and open just once will cover any tracks, and give credibility to all the times you were actually dishonest. If you can be selective and time your honesty well, people will believe you are truly trustworthy, opening themselves up to the opportunity for you to manipulate them.” I got through the first chapter, then couldn’t stomach it. I’ll pass. I’ve never read a book that advises one to lie, take credit for other pe…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 04:43 AM
1

A Wife works 40 hrs per week. In addition she goes to school in evenings to obtain advanced degree which puts her at much higher salary. When her degree is completed, she continues to work while having two kids. Her higher salary pays for husbands degree, and childcare. Husband finishes degree and makes 2 times what wife makes. Husband and wife both work full time. Wife gets hit hard with MS after 15 year marriage. Gets SSDI within 8 weeks of applying. Will never work again. Government check is …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 03:22 AM
1

Go home and sit down and tell her what you know. Ask her to be honest. Does she want a divorce? Ok, then file. Doesn’t know? Tell her you want her to confess everything and commit to counseling and honesty. Adultery doesn’t have to always end a marriage. Only you know the answer of if yi7 can live with the betrayal,and if you can forgive and rectify.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/20 04:22 AM
2

Passive aggressive remarks aren’t exactly helpful to anyone believing you’re really wanting help.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 05:47 PM
1

Stop blaming her for you running to another person. You’re still married. This is not how someone who loves his family copes with the difficulty of marriage and family responsibilities. This was yours and yours alone. How do you think the (lady friend) bandaid feels? You’re only worried about your pain, which is extremely selfish. You need some counseling to work on you and taking full responsibility for your part. Your whole family is hurting. You asked for comment, and your responses show you …
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 05:45 PM
21

Why do you care? You filed for divorce. Obviously you still need to get some help with learning how to communicate or you would ask him why he does these passive aggressive behaviors and ask him to stop because they negatively affect you. He’s hurting and trying to keep his shit together long enough to sell the house. He can’t avoid you, thus is the only way he can express his hostility. Godspeed on selling the house. Learn how engage in difficult or high conflict conversations in a fair and hea…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 04:31 PM
0

Problem solved. Good on you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 01:41 AM
1

Why don’t you contact the daycare in writing?
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/20 01:31 AM
12

There has to be more to this, or you have an awful attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/20 04:45 PM
1

Don’t be upset because you don’t like the answer. Go get some free legal aid. they might be able to make you see clearly. But You do you
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/20 11:10 PM
2

Of course you pay for your kid while the kid stays at your parents house, this is the bare minimum every parent does. When she files for child support, the state will base child support amount off the last 3 years of tax reports. She’s not going to owe you money bud, If you have no legal agreement, she can do what she wants, why don’t you file for child support. If you are on state government aid, you should see what your kid qualifies for.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/20 10:22 PM
1

If you are on government disability, your son may qualify for additional state aid. If she goes to court, You will owe her child support. It will come out if your government check. If you’ve paid nothing for your child so far, and she hasn’t pushed it, your lucky, she can, and is completely entitled to go after past child support you never paid. Also Stop paying her bills.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/20 09:47 PM
1

I’m sorry you’re completely incorrect if you hire a mediator, and your spouse and you cannot come to an agreement, the mediator can no longer legally represent either of you. If mediation doesn’t work, you both hire new separate attorneys.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 10:29 PM
3

Mediators don’t make any money If you hire attorneys to go to courtl.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/20 07:56 PM
3

No one wants to divorce and alter their children’s lives for ever. You have been lying for years about your finances. The lying behavior doesn’t just end from Counseling. She needs to decide if your years of deceit is worth trying again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 10:55 PM
6

Why do you need to have your current girlfriend meet your kid? Is this the cross you’re going to die on? Your kid has no desire to have a new mom, to interact with her I promise. Your kid just needs you, and only wants to see you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 11:40 PM
5

Hire an attorney and do everything he or she tells you to.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/20 03:02 AM
8

Using paragraphs, complete sentences, and correct punctuation might help you get more responses.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 10:14 PM
3

You can still settle. Most likely she didn’t pay, or the lawyer wants more money than before, don’t drive yourself nuts making grand assumptions
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 03:45 PM
14

Your mistake was getting married again. Sorry for your pain.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/20 05:09 AM
6

Call a school counselor, arrange a formal meeting with all your kid’s teachers, your ex and a school counselor. Find out what is going on with your kid’s lack of academic progress. Make your kid have every teacher sign a progress slip every Friday. Have consequences when child doesn’t bring home slip or is not doing work. Check the kids school records online every day. Call your kid everyday and check his work. Follow through with consequences until the kid develops self management skills. You’r…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/20 01:50 AM
3

Lawyers get paid to stir shit. If you can sit down now and split everything you’re 100% ahead. Look up the child support for your state. Figure out how she will buy you out of house. I promise, attorneys make their money by making you two enemies, when you didn’t even ask for it. Trust your intuition.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/20 10:29 PM
3

Your son is addicted to nicotine. He lies about it because he needs nicotine, it’s damn expensive, and he can’t get it legally. Teens lie, It’s normal age appropriate behavior. It’s also normal for a teen to try “illegal, or wrong” activities. All this is normal. Doesn’t mean it good, it’s just age appropriate behavior based on brain development. The frontal lobe in the male brain at his age is not comprehending long term consequences and rational naturally. What you can do is sit down with your…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/20 04:08 PM
3

Divorce is hell. You processed the emotions years ago. She will need years to catch up. Hire an attorney and have her understand 50/50 is the default arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/20 04:06 AM
2

Having a kid never fixes something that’s broken. Enjoy it while you can. Glad you want to Be a better husband and father.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 02:11 PM
4

What are you going to arrest her for having poor coping skills and fear of abandonment? BDP is a very treatable personality disorder. Therapy is profoundly beneficial for management of this disorder, if the person has the correct professional help. You can tell her how she acts towards you is hurtful and unless she gets professional help, you don’t see being married any longer. You can make appointments to see a therapist for yourself. You can support the idea that she didn’t choose to have a pe…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/20 01:54 PM
2

You should educate yourself on terms. Seriously, don’t trust your lawyer. One parent has primary custody, different rights and responsibilities. Google custody terms for your state. Understand the difference between legal and physical custody or you’re going to get screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/20 04:26 PM
2

Don’t do it. Always go with the best school district. Kids get tired out so easily, with that comes stress and behavioral issues. You can revisit school changes in a year or so. Are you primary parent? Your ex is setting trying to set schedule that is unnecessary. Once a kid is established in a school district, judges won’t move the child unless both parents agree
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/20 03:09 PM
1

Child support will be most likely be based on last 3 year income tax. Each county in California has their own formula calculation. Just google it. Spousal support depends on years married and is varied.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/20 01:10 AM
8

The children shall attend “school” district unless both parties agree a move would benefit the child. Show that the kids are established and doing well in their current school;this will be more important to any judge. DO NOT LET HER TAKE YOUR KIDS
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/20 03:28 PM
6

The lesson is humans are flawed. And to embrace this fact The human brain is constantly changing. Our world, and how we interpret situations and people, is constantly being affected by that which we have zero control. The only guarantees in life are that you will have experiences, you will hopefully learn, and you will die. That’s it: end of story. We have no control over how another person’s dna, childhood, birth entitlement, parents, trauma, education, experiences will effect a person. We can’…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/20 01:50 AM
2

Life has a way of surprising you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/20 09:53 PM
1

Life is a strange journey. Hope your second marriage goes better and you don’t end up getting screwed by her too. With your health problems, old age and no money, she will probably bail. If she cheated with you, she’s apt to do it to you. Once a cheater always a cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/20 09:12 PM
3

Get a therapist to help you move on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/20 12:28 AM
0

Stop monitoring your ex wife. You have your own life to live now. Stop looking backwards
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/20 12:27 AM
4

Yes you are correct in that you only would owe her the bonus amounts you receive AFTER the final signing of your settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/20 12:23 AM
1

Yes, you are wrong. I picked my partner because she is a great mom. My kids were both planned, wanted and prepared for. Marriage didn’t last, but we are both great parents. I wish we had had more than just two kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 10:05 PM
3

I don’t regret having kids, and I sure as hell will pay child support and continue to be a roll model on how to overcome the poor cards we are all dealt. Divorce hurt me so badly I prayed for death. My retirement is half, my optimism is half, my future is half of what I thought it would be. but I sure as hell won’t punish my kids for my screw ups. Am I slave to my kids? Hardly. If they do poorly in school, I am there to find out why and correct their behavior. Kids are gonna screw up, that’s why…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 09:31 PM
1

“My wife and I split up. How about those Seahawks?”
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 09:15 PM
0

You got here by arguing with your wife while telling her you were going to burn her things. You then did in deed burn toys, papers and such things. This odd behavior to your wife was scary, and she probably thinks you are not mentally well. She took the kids to protect them and her from your scary behavior. Stop trying to contact her, her family and your kids. Hire an attorney tomorrow and do what she/he says.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/20 05:03 AM
6

It sounds horrible. Control what you can. Let the rest go.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 07:32 PM
1

Question. I’m in similar spot. How was the monthly amount calculated?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/20 04:23 AM
3

I realize you’re just venting, but don’t take legal advice from a forum. . You have, money why haven’t you hired an attorney so you understand that your exaggerated statements are unfounded? Keep your emotions in check. You’ll be fine if you listen to your attorney and calm down, . Everyone loses in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/20 09:26 AM
3

Assumptions are sending you into crazy town, she was your wife. Just ask her if everything is alright, in person, not over text. My walk away spouse made such a odd declaration of wanting “to be alone” after 27 years, the first thing I thought was, I shit you not; my god you must have a brain tumor. Nope, just a lover from work. Wish it had been a brain tumor.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/20 08:48 PM
5

Two people stopped trying and refused to compromise. Stopped putting in the extra effort
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/20 09:50 PM
1

Well, start calling the cops. Alleged domestic violence doesn’t mean anything. You need police reports, videos, and still she could get primary custody if she spends more time with the kids and they are really young. Does she beat the kids? If she beats the kids, you might have a chance at primary. Also if you can prove that you spend much more time caring for the children too. Like if her job requires her to travel out of state two or 3 weeks a month. If you’re a house husband, you handle getti…
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 02:09 AM
3

Everyone is called a narcissistic today. Why do you care what she says? Her view of you has no impact on financials or custody. May be It wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t feel in some way you acted poorly? Just a thought. But it doesn’t matter bro. She’s your ex. Fight for your custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/20 12:03 AM
1

You don’t work for free. Of course attorneys are in it for the money, it’s their job. They have bills to pay and kids to feed. Domestic violence really doesn’t play into splitting financials. Courts don’t care if you married an abuser. Divorce is not designed to punish people for being of poor character. So if you’re looking to be vindictive, you can draw it out and spend thousands on lawyers, but financially you will still split assets. If she hits you call the cops and have her arrested. Asset…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/20 11:54 PM
1

Spam- relationship coach?- gtfo
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/20 05:57 PM
-1

He used you to support him financially, so that he could obtain a degree and get a career. It looks like he played you. You will have to hire an attorney and ask him/her about spousal support. Support will depend on how long you were married and the income disparity. Assets are split 50/50. If he has school loans, he will be responsible for those. I’m sorry, I know it hurts to be a loyal partner and then get discarded.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/20 01:38 AM
1

Children need both parents. This is what is best fir the child. If you want full custody, expect to pay at thousands and thousands in legal bills. You will need to prove that your child is a immediate danger 100% of the time to be granted full custody by the courts. Is your wife homeless, a meth addict, pedophile or violently abusive to your child? 100% of the time?. Being an alcoholic and I’ll tempered is not enough. Many people are bad parents and alcoholics. Kids still need both parents. You …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 11:34 PM
1

She can say she is dating a minor. That is not a crime. She just can’t have sex With a Minor. The age difference also plays a part. If she is 23 it’s not as big a deal as if she is 43. Take that info to your attorney and see what she/he says. I don’t think it will matter On the slightest for custody. It doesn’t matter if you are drunk, sick or crazy you are still 100% responsible for your actions. Stop harassing her by contacting people about her moral Character. It doesn’t matter and makes you …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 10:08 AM
2

I’m sorry you’re going through this. You lost your cool and made some poor choices. You DID threaten your wife and you did harass her. Your wife has every right to file a protection order. You slandered her to her boss and family. This will not help you in anyway. Most all Courts don’t care if a spouse cheats. You have right to 50/50 child support. The best thing you can do is talk to your lawyer in a few hours. She is probably afraid of what you will tell your daughter. Due to your irrational b…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 09:27 AM
1

No, you will not be due spousal support. It is based on last 3 years income. If she is not wanting any child custody, she will owe you child support.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/20 04:04 AM
2

People wait 5 years past when they should have gone to counseling. Tell her you are going without her if she won’t. Make her commit to learning how to communicate for 6 months or you want to separate. Your kids deserve a stable, loving family. Don’t wait until you are ready to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/19 05:27 AM
5

You have 5 kids at twenty seven years old. That’s a lot of stress for everyone. I would see a marriage counselor as soon as possible. Her body is under a lot of stress and since she has been with you since she was 15, she is very young. Being married to a man, and raising children is very very difficult. It’s ten times more difficult as a single father. You are both figure out how to be an adult, a spouse and roll model to your children. It’s a sign of strength for a man to ask for help. We don’…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/19 04:41 AM
0

Wtf? You know my life? I realized this is a circle jerk for men who fucked crazy. It’s helped me read some of the posts, But not every divorce female is CUNT Mens rights in family court have come along way. I had a woman attorney, she did a fair job. Not perfect, but better.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/19 11:06 PM
1

My kid’s Grandparents are better than daycare any day. And the state sets the child support amount for men and women. Hell, My wife pays me child support for the next 12 years. That and alimony because I put her through university. My attorneys added “right first refusal’ written into my divorce. So when she travels with out the kids, I can have them at my house. Guess her Phd paid off for something. Lol Sorry your getting screwed. That must suck. Hang in there
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/19 06:00 PM
1

Ive never known any marriage where someone claimed abuse. But you never know the truth about someone’s private life, Guess I’m fortunate to be able to have great legal counsel and a saint of an ex. Sorry you got screwed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/19 09:29 AM
5

This is emotion abuse. You have every right to say you will no longer accept this behavior. If she won’t go to counseling or address her mental health, it’s best to explain that you will be leaving. If she is moody to this extreme it very well could be a common brain imbalance that can be helped with meds. But you have to draw the line.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/19 05:02 AM
1

You really need to talk to an attorney to ease your fears about child support and custody. You have been misinformed if you feel your wife is going to rape you and take your kids. That is not how the system works anymore. It’s impossible for a parent to “win” full custody unless the husband has been proven to be either a practicing drug addict, abusive alcoholic,pedophile, or homeless. You can be full fledged mentally ill and an alcoholic and still have 50/50 custody All courts start at 50/50 cu…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/19 02:04 AM
1

No one gives two shits about another persons divorce. It’s mindless fodder for 5 minutes. Anyone who has ever been married knows that all people are flawed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/19 09:59 PM
1

You will receive 1/2 assets and 1/2 debts. If your credit is bad, you might want to fix that now before you try to navigate solo living arrangements. Hard to find apartment, buying a car etc with poor credit is difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/19 10:14 PM
-1

You were married only a year. File for divorce and get it started. It will be over soon. She doesn’t trust you, and you can’t do anything to regain trust unless she decides. You wouldn’t have let it get as far as confiding in another woman if you respected her. Your marriage is over, no kids? Bounce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/19 05:30 PM
2

Troll
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/19 01:37 AM
1

The courts tend to average last two years income to calculate the money that would go towards the care of your child.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/19 10:29 PM
2

My first #1 goal: retain as much of my assets as possible. #2 goal: avoiding lengthy expensive negotiations when spouse doesn’t return phone calls, provide discovery, doesn’t take time to educate themselves on process of divorce, denies responsibility for completing their part of divorce. Basically necessitating my lawyer fees to go sky high because of my spouses incompetence. We have adult children
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/19 04:28 AM
1

This information on website is severely out of date and is just a referral finder for local attorneys. It is not applicable. Look at the firms ratings. You want to get financially raped read the sites misogynistic fear based bullshit. Seriously, investigate your attorney before judges.
/r/RedPillParenting26/12/19 01:01 AM
1

Hire an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/19 12:56 AM
1

Dude- inheritance is NOT community property unless you mix it with her and your property. If you are left 100k and put it in a separate account, it’s your only.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/19 12:52 AM
2

Just get divorced. You didn’t love him or you wouldn’t have cheated. You’re afraid to be alone.and that is selfish. He deserves better. Your kid deserves better
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/19 12:49 AM
1

Don’t. Just don’t. You’re just going to get your rocks off and feel like shit an hour later. Don’t mess with someone you don’t want to have to face in the morning. Meeting anyone online going straight for sex to me, means they are messed up in the head and feels this is the only way for validation. Meet her, date a bit, then get physical if you’re both feeling it. But for gods sake wear 4 condoms. She said she doesn’t want a fling, but thinks her only worth is sex. This is how bad relationships …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/19 12:40 AM
3

Move out to your own place. And file for temporary child support agreement. If your lawyer says you can visit your parents with child, I don’t understand why you don’t. Video record every interaction with your spouse. If your ex files false charges, you will have proof that no crime has been committed. 50/50 is normal. Of course you cook and clean, just like every other woman in the world. Caring for the house and child is nothing special every man and woman do it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/19 07:47 PM
2

She’s not a good person. Sorry your going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/19 07:06 PM
5

You need an attorney. Seriously, don’t be dumb. If she has an attorney, you get an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/19 03:19 AM
4

Don’t be a piece of shit. Stay married and make your wife as comfortable as possible. If you can’t stand her, rent a place near by and continue to care for her with paying insurance, helping her to doctors appointments, paying the bills. Hire a nurse when you can’t be there. I don’t care if she screwed the mailman is a “narcissist “ drug addicted alcoholic. You dont leave people when they’re terminally ill, unless you’re the ultimate asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 10:55 PM
8

You both sound like you’re 16 years old. Wait until you’re divorced to start messing with insecure women, Romeo.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 03:32 AM
1

You have to give In To your feelings and really feel them. When you resist and try to be strong bullshit, it just comes out sideways... I will never understand why it happened. I will never forgive my mate for the pain caused me and our girls. I will accept it, but I’m not one of those that feels I need to forgive. Because it doesn’t change anything. The best I can do is breathe, cry, see my therapist and keep my body moving. Acceptance comes in waves. But After the pain, and wasted time trying …
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/19 12:51 AM
2

If you want her to heal, apologizing for your part is important. Everyone is flawed. I’m sure you don’t think you’re perfect, right? Even to say that you regret not having the ability and strength to understand her. That you didn’t have the strength to overcome the pain you feel she intentionally inflicted on you when [ give specific examples] that the humiliation you felt at her affair was too painful for you to work through. If you really feel bad, and aren’t just trying to shame her and feel …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 04:55 PM
7

Hey OP, you ok? I wouldn’t want my daughter to be spoken to like that. Spewing women hate on an anonymous forum doesn’t take any balls. It’s actually pretty cowardly. If you’re pissed, take it up with the woman you feel screwed you, or fight the courts that set the standards.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 03:56 AM
2

You only have to judge yourself. Feeling guilty means you’re human. Hurting people is never enjoyable unless you’re sick. Everyone has their own journey. She will eventually heal and hopefully grow. You probably apologized to her already and attempted to share your frustration on why your marriage couldn’t continue.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/19 02:04 AM
1

If your unhappy, bail. Kids get over it and need to get hurt to get strong. you only have one life and women only care about themselves and taking your money.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/19 02:41 PM
4

What are you trying to communicate in your post?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/19 06:28 AM
4

That advise is bullshit. Give it your all, she does not want to be divorced with 3 kids, neither do you. She is telling you exactly what she wants. You are on divorce’s doorstep, why not give it all you got? If it fails you can hold your head high and know you did everything you could. Would you want your daughter married to a man who behaves like you do towards his wife. Are you modeling how a husband treats his wife for your sons? Everyone has faults. Your wife has hers, just as you do. But if…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/19 04:01 AM
14

She’s just living with the consequences of divorce. People don’t realize all the shit that goes into this cluster. People care for 2 minutes, then go on with their lives. Your wife wants to control the narrative- she’s good, you’re bad. But honestly no one gives two shits about someone else’s divorce beyond 2 minutes of gossip. You did the right thing. I just say “sorry you feel that way” and ignore the crazy. Broken record< ‘ sorry you feel that way. Im not in control that" Protect your kids as…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/19 10:21 PM
-3

Yes
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/19 11:47 PM
-1

Teens are mature enough to judge for them selves the character of their parents. And can pick who they want to spend time with. A teen telling,the court “I don’t like my father is not a distorted lie. This is in fact, how they feel at this moment. Alimony is to help the other spouse gain financial independence. Wife was an administrator for one year and doubtful she made more than the average salary of husband’s last 5 years. Brother was capable of gaining another high paying job quickly. I don’…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/19 10:59 PM
6

Absolutely understand. Give yourself some love. It’s a cluster for everyone. People are imperfect. All we can do it try to make your kid feel safe, accepted and loved. Blessings
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 09:41 PM
1

Get an experienced attorney. They have seen it all. Be upfront with what you feel are going to be the obstacles you will face in getting the standard divorce. They will look at how realistic you are being first. BTW- Everyone’s spouse is a narcissistic in divorce and we all have cognitive dissonance. If you are going for full custody because her behavior puts your children in physical danger 100% of the time, tell the attorney. And show your evidence. She/he will decide if your case is worth the…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 08:58 PM
2

Don’t think People dismiss the fact that you are going through hell. That’s obvious to everyone who has ever experienced divorce, either as a spouse or as a child of divorce. Everyone knows you’re in pain. But adults realize that you two adults made various choices to be in the position of marriage and divorce. You got to pick your mate and had some part in the action of marriage and divorce. Being adult, it’s assumed you have a mature brain, and coping skills. What ever that means. But be hones…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 08:50 PM
3

To be honest, marriage therapy comes 3 years too late. My therapist told me this and it makes sense. We wait too long to ask for help because we are busy living out lives. By the time we have built up so much resentment and avoided the tough conversations, we are at divorce. Each of us have visualized the numbers and logistics of checking the hell out of this union. Then we stupidly think some,magic therapist is going to change ingrained thoughts and actions,
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/19 06:10 PM
2

You should hire an attorney. When assets are split you will each have to pay your own attorneys. If you were married a long time you will receive spousal support. If you were married a short time, she will only pay for a short time. You have a SSDI check and Medicare until you die. You should sell what ever you have and hire an attorney. Don’t move out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/19 02:54 AM
1

So are you on SSDI? Are you just venting or do you want help?
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/19 02:07 AM
2

Are you on SSDI? You will qualify for Medicare 2 years from date you were approved. Yes, if she is working, she will have to pay you alimony. Your assets will be split 50/50 and she will pay support from the rest of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/19 01:11 AM
10

Control what you can. And get a therapist. A person to talk to that can unravel the knot that’s pulling you down. I get, I’ve been there. It’s dark, lonely and you get sick of yourself. Sell the house? Get some rent money by renting out a room in your house? You can go to the bank and tell them where you are financially, and most will work with you to get things lowered until the spousal support ends. They don’t want a foreclosed house. Life is not linear. It’s up down, backwards and through. As…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/19 11:24 PM
2

Therapy my man. It will clear your head and get you honest with yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/19 02:00 AM
3

Be angry. It’s healthy. FEEL your feelings without judging them. They’re YOUR feelings. Stop Believing that your feelings are bad. it’s like saying clouds are bad, clouds aren’t bad, they just are. Feelings come, acknowledge them, and pass. It’s the human experience. Now what you CAN control is your actions. and it’s your responsibility to keep your shit together. As long as you resist your feeling they will persist. It’s like standing in front if a giant wave. Just flow with the wave. It will g…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 05:21 AM
4

It’s life man. It’s just life. What it means to be human. We can’t escape the pain or the joy. It’s all about learning lessons, having experiences and doing your best. Your best is going to change, from day to day; but you have to do your best. Be the best dad you can be. Model for your kids what acceptance looks like. How you can go through hell, grow beyond pain and anger and come out stronger. Your lesson now is to learn to accept and move forward. Treat your extra the way you would like to b…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/19 04:08 AM
10

You were honest. That is all we all want. Best to let her find what she wants instead of stringing her along. You’re a good guy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/19 09:11 PM
1

No way. Truth be told, they have a class action lawsuit against them for misleading advertising. They pray on hurt men in pain and specialize in stirring shit to create more billable hours. Ten thousand retainer for simple divorce, no thanks. It’s not rocket science or 1950s Learn your states statutes, use the online resources and find a a common sense straight forward lawyer. Don’t get scammed by their misogynist advertising.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/19 03:58 PM
6

Get an attorney ASAP. The remaining money in the trust should legally be yours only. You’re not responsible for her kids. Get an attorney
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/19 03:39 AM
4

Sweeeet jezussss you knew what you were doing. If your sister is so flush with millions of dollars in collateral. she could have gone to a bank for a loan. You’re full of shit and were trying to hide money. Blaming your attorney is so fraudulent, or you’re just dumb.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/19 12:34 AM
1

Or he could keep his own dick out of another persons body or take full responsibility for creating an unwanted child. Women don’t get pregnant by themselves.stick your dick in crazy and man up to what follows. This was his choice unless he was raped
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 05:17 PM
6

Hire an attorney, file for divorce. Pay child support and arrange shared custody. No child should have to live with such domestic violence and disfunction, take some parenting and anger management classes. Get some therapy to understand child development. The past is gone. Start to become a better man and father. Your wife didn’t find out she was pregnant out of thin air. You got your wife pregnant knowing you were in a violent marriage. This was your choice. Now man up and be good dad. I predic…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/19 03:49 AM
2

This is a great reply and perfectly logical.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/19 09:56 PM
7

See an attorney. Gaining full custody is not a diy skill. You really have to have documentation gained legally to get the courts to agree to this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/19 08:15 PM
3

Do not bring another child into this. Do not try to appease anyone with a child. You are really focusing on your wife determining your happiness. She’s not in charge of that area. She s just trying to deal with her own genetics, childhood, her child, work and you. Your post implies you have a lot of resentment because your wife isn’t doing enough therapy and you have debt and differences. This is life. Life isn’t designed to make you happy. Divorce is just going to change the problems. You’ll st…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/19 02:53 PM
1

Good for you ! Smile and be friendly, that’s all we want too!
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/19 10:35 PM
3

Therapy. You need to figure out what your insecurities are that made you do such drastic actions, over and over again, to gain women’s attention. Did you get off on the fantasy or the risk of flirting with other women?What did you get out of these outside relationships? Figure out why you didn’t respect your wife and knew that divorce would likely be the result. Today, all you can do is learn how to Treat your stbx with respect and honesty. This will help you Co-Parent and grow as a man. You nee…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 09:15 PM
2

Empathy is sometimes not the first go to for some people. Not a judgement, just the way some people’s brains go. You reacted with a logic type “ let me get this straight, you got drunk and fell down some stairs. My wife has presented me with a problem. I need information to fully understand this situation Then I need to solve this problem my wife gave me” Instead what she was asking you for is comfort. She wanted words of empathy and emotional support. She knows she did something stupid. She’s a…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 07:17 AM
-3

You are acting like the douche. Dragging out a divorce through true holidays for a tax right off???? Cops don’t get paid enough to Have to deal with babysitting adults like you. You’re being a child and not much of a roll model for how to handle conflict, to your child.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/19 12:53 AM
0

Both subs are just circle jerks for validation of hating women. The men take no responsibility for their part in creating romance, love and good sex for their partner.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/19 11:57 PM
3

I believe Prostitution should be legal. It would save so many families.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/19 11:45 PM
10

Get a gay lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/19 06:28 PM
1

Lawyers need lake houses too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 10:48 PM
-3

You are probably right. I wouldn’t know. But the circle jerk misogyny on this sub gets old. Both sexes have the ability to act horribly. Both sexes cheat, lie and destroy families. I’ve. Personally witnessed both sexes get poor outcomes from a divorce. No one wins.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 09:49 PM
-2

Men and women are equal instigators of divorce. Women file because men, or the higher earner, often don’t like paperwork and want to avoid experiencing the financial ramifications. That statistic is true, but the reasoning of the action is invalid.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 05:05 PM
2

Don’t be so hard on,myself and jaded. We dd exactly what we wanted to do at the time. There were happy times, we learned a lot. After accepting that suffering will be experienced in life, it easier. And nothing is permanent . We all did what we thought we were supposed to do to would bring us happiness. We just thought our suffering would not be betrayal .
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 06:35 AM
0

You only have to fear abandonment claims if you leave when there are young children and no temporary custody agreement. Move out, give her some peace. You have nothing to gain, or have any leverage, if you stay. It certainly is mental abuse to have to live with a cheating spouse who won’t leave the house. Take your valuables and continue to pay bill until you find a lawyer. After long marriage, everything is split 50/50 in a majority of states. No child support or custody to fight over. You don’…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 02:14 AM
3

I don’t think it’s men that always come out behind. It’s definitely the higher earner. Could be man or woman that stays home and wants spousal support.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 01:16 AM
25

Never will I remarry. There is no shame is not believing in forever. Today, for me There is no religion telling me I’m going to hell if I squash with different people. The world is too different now. I’d love to be in a committed relationship, with separate houses. I was a young person when I married. I had no idea life has equal suffering to joy. I forgive myself for not knowing better then. All relationships end in some way or the other.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/19 12:16 AM
1

Sometime child support means one parent does not take cash, but lives in the home for free while the other party pays the mortgage. This is what is negotiable. The amount is state calculated.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/19 04:36 AM
2

Get a job and support your child. If you are capable of working, you are capable of providing 50/50 for your child. No one deserved spousal support if they can work man or woman
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/19 04:33 AM
2

First, List the reasons men don’t want to marry. Second, replace the word ‘men’ with ‘women’
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/19 12:14 AM
1

Obviously it is per your income and time married. No, not everyone receives 5k in spousal support. Some get 200.00 some 20k. His is what the attorneys will negotiate. The farther you are a party, the more you will pay the attorneys and longer I will be dragged out until completion.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/19 05:19 PM
2

Then it is a standard dissolution.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/19 07:43 PM
2

Looks like a straight forward divorce agreement, numbers add up. Unless you bought a house and gave away your equity or you didn’t take half of her 401k that she earned while working the nine years you were married, You would have been entitled to that money,
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/19 05:26 PM
6

Why not start now? Start with small changes. Today go for a short jog, today, look into the reality of finances. Today is the day to create the life you want.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/19 04:39 PM
5

She definitely is reacting and scared. No, that’s not how divorce works. She will own 1/2 the equity from when to married till you divorce. She will also be entitled to half of any assets gained since you married, as well as debts. . You will have 50/50 custody and pay child support. She is just spouting off nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/19 01:43 AM
1

This is often negotiated and not accurate for every state.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/19 05:01 PM
2

I would be concerned about medical insurance. If you quit you will be paying for each of your policies at least until Medicare age. This is going to really eat into that passive income. I’d hold off until you retire, easy split then.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/19 02:41 PM
3

You’ll be fine. Judge go for 50/50 unless one parent is a druggie or one parent travels so much for work. You’re due 50% equity in the house from the time you married to when you file. This will play into your financial negotiations. Custody won’t be determined by who spent more time with the child the past. All parents do what you have done to raise your son; it won’t make a difference to judges. Her family nor yours will have anything to do with custody. Just do what your attorney says.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/19 01:31 AM
3

You’re getting some extreme advise here. Not all divorces are dealing with immaturity or such vindictiveness. Not all divorces go this way. Look up the state child support calculator so you’ll know what you’ll be paying. Courts want equally shared Custody, standard 50/50. You’ll pay spousal support for a period of time and that will factor into the amount of child support. Hopefully she will use this time to go to school. My state standard is one year support for each year she stayed home. State…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 09:10 PM
1

This is awful. I see your perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:38 PM
4

It’s a tough road. No getting around it. All you can do is move forward. Start the legal process so that you can see where you’ll land financially. Take each kid out individually and explain your actions to them. Tell them why you did what you did, your mistakes and tell them, when they feel the time is right, that you want a relationship. Plan a ball game or concert to go to them with. Never disparage their mother. They are old enough to see you as a human, with faults, but enough respect to ow…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/19 08:15 PM
3

Women don’t want to marry for the same reasons as men.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/19 11:50 PM
1

No one cares who cheated. The courts want each parent to have equal parenting responsibilities. Unless you can prove your ex is a drug addict that puts your child in danger 100% of the time, you’ll start at 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/19 08:14 PM
2

Dude, this is a fictional agreement that is doomed to destroy relationships. You don’t like the answer people are giving you- so you do you. And prepare for the worst
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/19 02:34 AM
2

What if one kids wants the house but can’t pay for repairs? What if they can’t agree on who pays the bills? Who pays rent to whom? What if one marries and moves in. You’re trying to control the future which is a poor use of your energy. Pay your wife what is owed to her. She can buy your half or sell and move on. Eventually if one child wants to buy it great.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/19 02:31 AM
2

You’re actions are just a normal parent with a working spouse. You could be a man or a woman. Sex doesn’t define the activities required to be a parent, There is no difference between what a woman does and you do. You’re not some special hero dad. You’ll get 50/50 custody.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/19 03:41 PM
2

You’ll get 50/ 50 custody unless you can prove either of you completely unfit 100% of,the time. Kids need both parents. You were an active dad as all men should be. Men’s rights on shared custody have come a long way. Kids need both parents.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/19 03:41 AM
1

Women wait to marry or don’t at all because men are not needed to be successful or raise a child. Women have witnessed their fathers trade in their mothers when their mothers become less tan sex objects. I’ve watched many women I work with, 40 hours, be home to cook and clean, raise the kids and then get traded in for the younger women when their hormones naturally fall. Marriage is outdated to today’s women. They don’t need to have a man to raise a healthy child or feel fulfilled.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/19 03:32 AM
1

You must not have actually adopted the child.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/19 01:38 AM
1

Because you moved! And your ex doesn’t live there either! Yea, you said it was unfair a dozen times.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/19 03:16 AM
1

The judge doesn’t have jurisdiction over the case because you don’t live there, nor does your stbx. It’s pretty simple. You’ll have to transfer the case to where you live. This is a very simple form. I’m not familiar with a “personal agreement” holding much weight in court. The judge is dealing with a child and two parents that live in different town. Just because your ex has agreed to give you full custody does not mean she abandoned him. She will need to legally give up her parental rights to …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/19 03:03 AM
2

You choose drugs over her. It’s really that simple. Let her go.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/19 05:07 PM
7

You can give and sacrifice and give, and the other person will still not be a good partner. If you’re done, you’re done. Sorry this is so painful for everyone. No one goes into marriage believing they will be so unhappy that breaking up a family is a healthier option than staying. Only You know the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/19 02:58 AM
2

Stay. You can always divorce. Give it four months. You are trading one set of problems for another. If you do leave, you will have no doubts you did everything you could.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/19 02:36 AM
1

You can’t control anyone. The best you can do is explain to your family that what your stbx is saying hurts you. But the only person you can control is yourself. Be an honest, forthright man in actions and deeds and soon they will see that she is unhealthy. Your family is hurting because, as you say, they love her. Don’t expect your family to take your side after such a mutual relationship. You will always be a family in some sort of way. In reality no one really cares about who did what in a di…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/19 05:38 PM
1

Just let it be. Seriously,, if she’s making 15K more a year, and this is a 40% raise? She is living at poverty level. It’s not like. She’s hitting Maui with your child support. It’s two more years for SM and the little amount you are paying currently makes the difference between easing your teens stressful high school years. They are going through much more today than we did.. I’d rather my kids get my money than two hours with an attorney at 300 an hour. Be a hero, let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/19 02:06 AM
2

Actually this is a good alternative. I have seen it done with older married couples. It is exactly like a divorce, except it’s not. Medical insurance is a bitch and will always be important. But she needs to start working if she’s not. In a separation, you split the assets, debt, pay child custody, childcare and support. She can take you to court to increase child support, just like in a full divorce. But financially you are each on your own financially after signing. You absolutely need an atto…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/19 06:39 PM
3

Karl, fuck off. You repeatedly opening new Reddit accounts to push your bullshit spam is getting old. Please , Please, go fuck yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/19 04:39 PM
4

The kids will learn from you how to be a man. They will learn how a woman should be treated. If you have daughters they will seek out a man Thant treats them how you treat their mother. It’s thus simple.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/19 04:13 AM
7

No one put a gun to your head. She didn’t get pregnant by herself. I’d get a divorce, pay child support and be the best dad I could be. And never marry again. Seriously, you shouldn’t marry again. Life has consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/19 02:12 AM
0

You’re going through a lot right now. Two years not working is hard for everyone. Not to down play you, but we are all just animals. Our reptilian brain is alive and well, though we think we have evolved. This especially is relevant in mating. A female needs security. Plain and simple. It’s not logical when she can go to work and often times make more money than a man. But there is a reason women are subconsciously attracted to those men that can provide safety (money, shelter, physical protecti…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/19 09:08 PM
2

Spam
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 02:48 PM
0

Yea, this is spam
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 02:46 PM
4

Money hungry attorney
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/19 03:08 AM
1

When you divorce, it’s a divorce. You have separate lives, half the income and half the time with your kids. You each have equal power in how the divorce ends but your delusional if you think you can remain business partners. What does SHE want?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 11:42 PM
-1

No experience. You need to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 01:28 AM
3

Then stay living together, and reap the chance of a restraining order and threats of claiming abuse. A restraining order will put you at a disadvantage in a custody battle. No one wins in divorce. Everyone loses. You can always make more money.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 01:23 AM
2

Hire an attorney. If she is difficult you need to do exactly what your attorney says. You will end up with 50/50 custody and may have to pay child support. That’s just the realities of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 01:15 AM
2

Like I said marriage is not a business with equal financial partners; it’s a outdated religious legal contract that costs money. Be glad you don’t have kids and she paid the mortgage and 1/2 the bills. You got off easy. Life isn’t a straight line. No sense in looking back. Move on. You now only have to pay your own bills. You don’t have to carry dead weight. You’ll always make more money.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/19 02:35 AM
7

It’s hard to understand how you lost out if you married and had no kids and your wife worked. If her family is wealthy, that is no concern of yours. Your, as well as her, inherited wealth is not community property unless you commingle the funds and both begin spending it, is that what your saying? She inherited money and didn’t put it in a share bank account? The hard part of marriage is that it’s a business partnership where unless each party makes exactly the same income, spends exactly the sa…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/19 02:00 AM
0

What kind of people do you hang with man? This attitude is sad/
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 06:03 AM
3

Look. Kids are self focused. You are going to destroy everything that the ever thought was secure when you divorce. They are going to see each parent differently from now on. Lots of people sleep separately. Don’t pull the rug out from under your kids until they have a safe place to land. Kids need routine. Where they will be each night, who will be home when. Is their home safe. Wait until you have your shit together before you tell the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/19 05:54 AM
13

The first thing you need to do is breathe.. just breathe. It’s all going to be ok. But it will be hell for quite a long time first. One day at a time. If she really is honorable and you expect her to be, don’t go on blast and hire an attorney today. This weekend, Sit down and figure out your assets and debts. What bills do you have? And what do you owe. Next week, Get on your state’s superior court webpage and read everything you can about the divorce process. Don’t move out of the house. Contin…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/19 09:59 PM
3

If you commingled your finances, they are marital property. It all really depends on how long you were married.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/19 09:48 PM
4

You have to take her to court, but she will probably have to pay your legal fees
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/19 05:58 PM
1

I’d love to hear the kids side of this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/19 08:28 AM
3

What a crock of shit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/19 05:04 AM
3

Look, the kids have been old enough since you divorced, to make their own choices as to who they want to spend time with. They aren’t preschoolers who have been told lies by their mum. High school is a bitch today and having to feel guilty because their parents divorced and they have to pretend they are one big happy family is a lot for a kid They are obviously hurting and don’t feel good being around you. Why don’t you ask them why they don’t want to be near you? If you honestly feel that they …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/19 08:49 PM
1

I get it. Trying to be fair and save money but one thinks it’s an old episode of LA law or Suits and feels the drama is part of the shit fest of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/19 06:53 PM
3

This is from the attorney, not her. It’s normal practice for attorneys to request the extreme, 30k later and you have a 50/50 split and one year per four married fir spousal support at 30% total gross income of combined income. It’s the attorneys that win in divorce
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/19 04:11 PM
0

Because were too lazy laying on the couch to do the paperwork.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/19 10:09 PM
0

Exactally. OP isn’t here to add info or help, just stir shit. Keep the misogyny here on divorce_men where we roll in it. Women are evil, men are men.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/19 10:07 PM
2

Wow, all I can say is this is going to be as expensive as hell. We all think our divorce is the nastiest, most horrible, crazy sit anyone has ever experienced. We want her to suffer, and feel the pain times ten, fuck that narcissist. You know who is going to “win”? The attorneys. Your divorce is not special, it’s not horrendous., it’s a divorce. The entire judicial system is fully funded by people like you every day. This is what is going to happen: The courts will grant 50/50 custody, your asse…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/19 06:00 PM
1

You're undesirable
/r/askTRP14/04/18 05:03 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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