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Constant-Wanderer Archive

View 3 posts and 302 comments by Constant-Wanderer on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Me neither.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 04:50 AM
24

As women, we really need to get better at separating what we need in a partner from what we see on tv. Sure, he might be amazing, who knows. I know FOR SURE that he’s a great leader right now, and he’s captured the attention of the world with his charm and determination. Yeah, that’s attractive. Sexy, even. That has nothing to do with real life, or the moments that aren’t on camera. So often I hear women saying how great this celebrity is, or that actor. They’re convinced to the core that they K…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 06:19 PM
25

I know someone who took the wrong doorway whilst working at the UN decades ago, and came face-to-face with Putin. Said he has the eyes of a shark - no humanity within.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 06:06 PM
115

I’ve never once regretted not giving a guy more than one chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 09:24 PM
54

Douche: “Just being beautiful isn’t enough IMO” Also Douche: Swipes right on every pretty face without reading bio. Also Douche, first question to anyone saying they’re going on a date: “Is she hot??” Also Douche: * lies about everything to get pretty woman on date, is shocked picachu face when they’re not compatible * It’s almost like…they’re liars and completely lacking in self-awareness….
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 07:59 AM
10

Hahaa imagine? It was such an eye-opener for me when I realized how many women needed to be reminded that men are not our keepers and never were.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 10:11 PM
16

I spent about 6 months LD with my SO before I moved to him a thousand miles away. Granted, we knew each other for years before we started dating, so I knew that he was trustworthy, but in all honesty, a lot of my vetting strategy has always been to treat them as if they were trustworthy, and have a zero tolerance policy if I cared about them. I can’t be bothered trying to figure men or their motives out, so I mostly don’t. The minute they don’t live up to my expectations though, the microscope t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 07:01 PM
48

Hahaaaaa this is one of my most hated male behaviors, and it’s so deeply ingrained in people (the savior and the recipients) that it’s almost impossible to convince anyone of how fucking toxic it is. I don’t require your approval or admiration to know that I am amazing. I won’t even use words like “worthy” or “enough” because that’s language used by them, and it’s akin to a condescending motivational poster. Imagine if any other self-determination process were posited this way. “Oh it’s after 5p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 06:17 PM
1

Hahaaaa yeah to all of that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:24 PM
1

Exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 06:48 AM
44

I always keep my male friends under a microscope, end of sentence. I don’t TELL them that, but I have a zero-tolerance policy, and I’m always aware that some men will wait for YEARS in hopes that one night, you’ll just “let loose” and they’ll be there at the right moment. That being said, my trauma response and ADD make me hyper aware of minuscule body language and energy; to date, I have never been wrong about which guy friends are NOT trustworthy. Always always err on the side of caution. Do n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:42 AM
46

I spent several years of my life in bars/clubs/barfly culture, and I can say freely and enthusiastically that I’m fine meeting someone in a bar, but if he’s a guy who goes to bars more than occasionally, then he’s very likely not the kind of guy I want. Like we mostly ALL go to bars, there’s no logic in saying that if he’s in a bar he must be shitty. It’s his relationship with socializing and alcohol that determine his viability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 07:17 PM
20

My situation is really different from a lot of people, in that not only are my exes a part of the same community that my SO is, with hundreds of mutual friends/acquaintances, but I married one of my SO’s closer friends. And that’s been the case for most of my relationships. They all know each other, or of each other, have met outside of our relationships, and have context of their own. The one guy that didn’t know any of my exes, he was the only one who had a problem with that, or the mention of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 06:57 PM
39

Haha don’t pay them, then. Men like this don’t matter. Leave him in his dirty diaper to cry about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 04:20 PM
8

I have an ex who’d never ever been in a fight. One. The rest were all over the chart in terms of violence, but this one guy had never had a good or bad reason to be in a fight. When I asked about it, he just kind of avoided a real discussion and I dropped it, but it always bothered me. Why? Because he was in bars or drinking every night of his life, and he was kind of a dick when he drank. That meant that he’d PICKED fights, or incited them, but had never followed through. I tried to tell myself…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 04:03 PM
8

It felt weird because it is fucking weird. And even if it had been a woman in the same age range, it would’ve been a different kind of weird, and only marginally less predatory. Everyone so eager to gaslight you into dropping your guard is a problem. In the furthest reaches of plausibility, you could find a guy who’s genuinely uninterested in your vulnerability, but if he were of sound judgment and protective nature, that offer would’ve come with a strong caveat. Without that, he’s just a guy wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 07:59 PM
11

Hahaaa there’s always SOMETHING that will turn them off! Hopefully…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 06:37 PM
16

Every fucking time. The few times that they came at me differently, I would actually appreciate it, but it happened so rarely, I think I can remember every one. Mind you, my younger self was a perfect test for shittery, I was pretty noticeable in a way that ‘most’ men (in bars in that neighborhood, in that era) would find physically appealing, so I got hit on literally every time I went out, which for a while, was 5-7 nights a week. In any year, I got hit on hundreds of times, easily into the qu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 06:35 PM
45

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 07:05 AM
270

I’ve told clingy men I wanted to be rid of that I thought I was falling in love with them on the first date, or if they overstayed their welcome on our first overnight. Works like a fuckin charm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 06:05 AM
60

He was incredibly hot. Tall Brazilian guy, green eyes, soccer player body, and… batshit crazy. He talked about growing up in a cult, that was weird. More sad than a dealbreaker, maybe. Then he started talking about the aliens who live here on earth without us knowing. The Greys, if you’d like a deep dive down the rabbit hole. A bit too much for me, but…abs…and forearms…. Then he started talking about Jesus. And how he was everywhere. Even in my glass of whiskey. For clarification, I said “like “…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 03:29 AM
42

I’ve gotten them all. For several years I made a sport of fielding sloppy dudes in the bar I worked in/frequented. My favorites were the guys who negged. They were so transparent and deeply fragile, lol. Or the guys who were so pathetic and said things like “I bet a girl like you would never talk to an ugly guy like me” * bashful, smug grinning, expecting a predictable cooing and fawning * God I loved it when they tried it. Blood in the waters, I tell you. Don’t get me wrong, I loved it more whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 03:17 AM
24

If the cabin is the more significant part of this, like he owns it, or his family owns it, or it’s the same one he’s been going to for years, before any GFs, then I’d say it’s not worth breaking up over. However, not only does it not seem to be the case, I see that he’s also minimized your concerns, further reinforcement of the “he’s a lazy shit” possibility. That’s far more concerning. Let me ask sis, how much of this trip did he pay for?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 02:42 PM
3

I have a few exes who could be considered abusive. The way I got past them was to stop talking about them. I don’t mean pretend that they don’t exist, I mean that I don’t ask about them, I ask mutuals to not bring them up if possible and don’t tell me gossip good or bad, and I don’t bring them up except to either make fun of the situation or simply refer to them in a story. I also stop naming them, they become “my ex” and nothing more. If I’m with friends who know the story, I might say their na…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 11:44 PM
3

This is the mantra of the “guy friend” who “is totally capable of being friends with the opposite sex,” and will remind you in every single Fucking conversation that if you want some Dick, he’s okay with it. Don’t forget. Just saying. NSA. It’s pretty good I’ve been told. FYI. No judgements. If you wanted. SHUT THE FUCK UP HERBERT I LOVE DICK AND I STILL DONT WANT YOURS NOT TODAY I DIDNT YESTERDAY OR LAST WEEK AND I WONT TOMORROW EITHER GO GET FUCKED.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 04:26 PM
68

This guy is smooth, huh? A real charmer. Hey, at least he showed his clown hand right at the beginning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:36 AM
87

Lol ding ding ding we have a winner!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:31 AM
49

Haha I fucking WISH men had the ability to stop chasing women for a year. Life would be so much more pleasant without the constant “Um excuse me, I have a dick if you would like to use it” reminders, and the “gOtTa sHoOt mY sHot” fucking morons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 07:52 PM
27

It really is depressing. I used to spend more time trying to help other women than I do now. Which, don’t get me wrong, is still considerable, just not as much time or energy that I used to spend doing it. Scrolling past hopeless women feels a lot like not taking phone calls from that friend who won’t leave her shitty boyfriend who cheats on her and we all know it. It feels a lot like not ❤️ing a post that a friend made about the tenth guy she’s “so in love with” in the last five years. It’s not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:37 PM
7

My feelings are that most FDS principles are a good idea in a very broad sense, and most women can apply most of them in a way that suits their lives. I also feel like I’m past the point of being vulnerable in the ways that these principles protect, and largely wouldn’t need to apply them. I’m in my fifties, and my priorities have changed a lot. I don’t have the next few years to put relationships on the back burner, and my career is thirty years in, I have no need to work on that at the expense…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:19 PM
15

I have one, and my answer would be “both, I would expect both.” I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if he lost his job, he wouldn’t let a day go by without beginning to fix it in whatever manner he could. And I would verbally and emotionally be his cheerleader, because he’s awesome and does a great job at life. Right now he’s managing a tremendous work load, with the health issues of his aging parent. He doesn’t complain, he takes care of everything, stays on top of his hobbies, cleaning the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:27 PM
10

“It’s so annoying that women always think that I’m hitting on them, even when I’m only asking if this seat is taken.” -proceeds to describe how to hit on women even when you’re asking if this seat is taken- -wonders why women don’t want to deal with your shit-
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:13 AM
7

You don’t need all this justification, all you need is that one shortest sentence - “I don’t want to.” No amount of righteous explanation can outweigh simple wants. Don’t move in with him because you don’t want to, that’s all you need. Anyone who thinks that your personal wants need to be earned with justification is not on your side. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 02:50 PM
46

The circles I ran in while growing up was not like this. I would say that 99 out of a 100 men I know and have known would’ve done something. I can say with absolute certainty that if I had ever witnessed a man I know doing this, that story would’ve spread like wildfire in my group. That unless the guy was known to be at a huge disadvantage somehow, it’s expected that men do and say something. They didn’t always step into obvious DV situations involving strangers, but most of the time, that as we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:19 PM
13

Men do this, but not good men. Therefore, if good men are not the ones saying this, the ones who say it are shit men. Who cares what shit men say. And the “why” is that they’re fucking stupid, the world is just their audience, and they think they’re funny. “Hurr durr and then I told her she was fat durr, she cried ha ha ha” like no that didn’t happen, you’re a mental midget and literally no one takes you seriously. These guys don’t matter, they aren’t real men, they’re barely people at all. They…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 06:05 AM
12

As far as the property goes, it’s different in each state. Always check the laws in your state, never take anyones word for it. I believe that it’s common for state law to keep any pre-marital purchase forever separate, but it’s not automatic everywhere. It’s also common for any purchases made after marriage to be considered to be owned equally by both. But everything is possible, if you know what you’re doing. It’s super simple to have a new deed drawn up with both names on it, or to purchase a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 02:42 AM
16

It’s conceivable that you are correct, however, any man I’ve ever encountered who made noises like this, they’ve all been the same as each other. Here’s a summary: They don’t care if the woman is shallow. In fact, if she IS shallow, that means that they’re validating that the guy is “a catch” and therefore, can continue to trade up if he wants. The shallower the better. They don’t want a woman of substance, they don’t want to be challenged or think outside the box. To them, an ideal woman is pre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 12:58 AM
29

If he’s still raging about her, he’s not over her. The opposite of love isn’t hate, hate is a passion as well. If he’s indifferent about her, then he’s over it. Watch for deliberate omissions; that’s a sneaky way of talking about her with you so it seems like you’re okay with it. If he tells a story and there’s an empty space with an unnamed character, poke around and see if it’s her. If he’s hiding her from you in harmless stories, the important part is that he’s hiding her. Not all men are goo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 05:55 AM
29

Yeah, to everyone but him and his mom, lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:42 PM
25

😂😂😂 I love the image of him and all his friends trying to date the two girls they ever encounter who fit this list. That, or they live in the land of the clones. I’m sure that multiples of this woman will all be amazing human beings that have great depth and will unerringly fall madly in love with any toad who wants them /s 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 02:39 PM
3

Yeah…if you respond with reasons that dating a Chinese man wouldn’t work, you’re telling her that it’s all legitimate except for your preferences. As in it’s all fine what she just did, the only problem is that I don’t speak Chinese well enough for this to work - “with that one exception, you were on the right track!” That’s not what happened. When people do unacceptable things, there’s no reaction strong enough. Instead of giving her a list of reasons that she can argue with, just tell her it’s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 02:26 PM
635

I love it when guys are all “I have all of the things that I think women want, and I’m still single!?” and won’t listen to an actual woman when told that they also need to have a fucking personality on top of, oh I don’t know, not reducing all womankind to a single checklist. If you’re so fucking great, why do women shun you like that? What’s the matter, starting to realize that mummy lied about you being a golden sunbeam, shining on women everywhere?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:30 AM
69

If she has no reason to think that you would welcome the potential suitors, I would tell her firmly and directly, that if a single email reaches you, your response will be the least appropriate reply you can muster, in whatever context is presented. Human trafficking? Prostitution? Whatever will horrify that client of hers, you'll say it. ​ Tell her that for every client of hers that gets your email, you will publish hers on other websites. You haven't decided yet which ones, but you have a comm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 04:17 PM
22

Honestly, I’ve ALWAYS taken it that way, but I take everything as a compliment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 10:10 PM
33

Stop thinking so much about all of the different ways the person asking could take your response, and just answer. Most of the time, they’re not worth all that energy. If they asked you because they want to pick a fight with a feminist, say no and end the conversation. Who gives a shit what they think of you for lying, the most important part is maintaining your peace and space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 08:33 PM
85

“I’ve never understood that question, what does that mean?” It forces the person asking to realize that it’s actually a really dumb question, and at the root of it, very fucking intrusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 07:35 PM
7

Might I suggest going in with the expectation that by the end of this conversation, you will no longer have this friend. And I will advise you to start with “I just want to get something off my chest - this isn’t a conversation, back-and-forth thing, I just need five minutes to get it all out, uninterrupted. If you want to have a conversation about it then, we can, but I’m asking that you just let me talk. Ok I ________ ____ and _____.” He will interrupt you. Have a response ready. I suggest sil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 01:47 AM
13

Serious questions: What do you hope to get out of this confrontation? Do you really want to deal with this much anxiety to keep this person in your life? Do you want to keep this person in your life? I’ve done this before, so I ask because I don’t think this is going to gain anything for you. From what you’ve written, he sounds pretty manipulative and possibly narcissistic. That means that at worst, he’s going to berate you, badmouth you, and find ways to punish you for challenging him; at BEST,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 11:49 PM
8

This isn’t about porn. He deliberately, with elaborate forethought, lied to you. Then he got angry when you called him out on it. This could be about anything, it would be enough to break up. Don’t let him make this about porn, I might even avoid that part altogether and tell him that I caught him in a lie. Let him turn himself inside out trying to figure out what you found, while you calmly pick yourself up and remove yourself from his situation entirely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 11:18 PM
3

I would bet money that her parents haven’t modeled a good relationship, she has no idea how to get into a good relationship, and she tells herself that she makes these bad choices deliberately. Now, when I say that her parents haven’t modeled a good relationship, I don’t mean that they necessarily are divorced, or scream at each other daily. Toxicity and absenteeism aren’t the only bad role model options. Plenty of parents, single or as a unit, do not have healthy, interactive, communicative rel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 05:44 PM
1

Seriously, you think that this is all going to be enabled by the left? The people who quickly disavow celebrities and politicians and cut them off at the first sign of serious transgressions? Not the right wing, who whines about “cancel culture is too harsh,” and consistently looks the other way when celebrities and politicians get CAUGHT WITH EVIDENCE in pedophilic situations, cheating on wives dying of cancer, or (fill in the blank with a horrifying illegal situation )??? Wake up, this is some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 04:13 PM
28

You’re looking at this all wrong. You’re attracting more men than this, it’s just that these are the vocal ones. You haven’t seen the ones who are respectful, because you’re not necessarily ready. Source: I felt the same way for a while, until I made some changes in myself that got me ready to see the better men who were indeed, there all along. In my case, I could look back and see the efforts good men made to get my attention, but at that moment, I wasn’t ready for a perfect relationship yet. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 04:00 PM
52

Unsolicited advice has always been a hard no for me. I am way too assertive and independent for that shit. The last relationship I had before the (very happy and healthy) the one I’m currently in, he had a lot of that going on; would always tell me what I “should” be doing, and how I should be doing it. I definitely didn’t shut it down the way I always had, because I was having a weird “I’ll do things differently” moment, and it was a huge mistake and waste of fucking time. He once tried to ligh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 11:43 PM
7

I think that this conversation is way overdue, and I’m glad that you started it. We need to recognize that media is money; no more and no less, and to enjoy it for entertainment, but invest nothing of ourselves in what it represents beyond that. That Cinderella is only harmful if you think that you’re supposed to emulate her. That characters are written, and usually by men. That women writers are not only sadly underrepresented in media, but they are too often talked over and downvoted unless it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 06:48 PM
11

Same, except I know people who work with her, and it’s 100% what she did/is doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 06:34 PM
23

I think that Lady Gaga would prefer to be a blues singer, but she knew that pop music would make her a millionaire. I think that Katy Perry wanted to be a rock n roll singer, but she knew that pop music would make her a millionaire. I think that Adele got inspiration from her legitimate heartbreak, used it to “turn my heartbreak into treasured gold,” made millions, and keeps using whatever she can to make that money. I think that as individuals, we need to recognize that we live in a deeply root…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 05:38 PM
20

THANK YOU like we don’t need to take cues from scripts (that are largely written by men, or in some way, approved by men somewhere in the process) as any kind of standard. The fact that tv shows or celebrities are ever mentioned as a standard in any way is deeply disturbing. Discussed as plot lines, sure. Reasonably contextualized as “things that we can learn from,” sure. But I see stuff like “I know this is bad/good because I saw it on tv…” that’s not real, and I wish that didn’t need to be sai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 04:58 PM
2

I’m from a big city, but I have a very large group of friends, and that can feel like a small town dynamic superimposed on a cosmopolitan background. It’s definitely not my first choice, but if I stayed away from anyone connected to my exes, I would’ve had to go outside my demographic. Moving wouldn’t have done anything, I’ve moved hundreds of miles - still all connected. Trust me if I could escape my exes, I would. But it actually benefits me in that if a guy has a problem with me knowing and s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 12:12 AM
5

We met through my ex, who I’d just started dating at the time (late 90’s). I was 27 and he was 25. He and I had a lot in common, but we were never single at the same time. I got to know him as a friend, without any kind of possibility of more. I also got to know him through our mutual friends, who all respected him and knew him as a straight up good guy. We lost touch over the years, but not so much that it took any effort to reconnect when we were both single in 2019. The connection was immedia…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 08:33 PM
47

Another voice from the future here; I’m in my fifties, I’m happier than I’ve been since I was a little kid, my life is amazing, my career is still in an upward trajectory, and the cherry on top is that I’m with an amazing man who completes me and my life is ways I never thought possible. 30 is just the beginning, if you want it to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 05:56 AM
32

The more I read posts like this, the more I start to believe that I’m way more empathic than I’d ever thought. I know I’ve encountered men like this, but I can’t think of a single step I’ve taken to rid myself of them, they just give me the creeps from the start and I disengage thoroughly. I take lessons from the animal kingdom, and make it clear that I’m way more trouble than I’m worth. I’m vocal, straightforward, and have no hesitation to enlist others in my exit. Less gut feeling, more practi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 05:13 PM
7

Investments are important. Lifetimes together are a huge investment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:56 PM
11

I like this. I’ve spent decades trying to explain that makeup can be FUN as long as you’re wearing it (or not) for the right reasons. Never wear makeup because men like it, or dog forbid, your fucking bf thinks you look haggard without it. Use it like any other tool, use it for FUN but USE it don’t let it use you! Like who cares if the next person wears makeup or not, the problem isn’t other women, it’s capitalism and oppression. This is like getting angry at a stranger for not recycling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:54 PM
9

The cosmetics industry has been trying to get men to buy makeup for over 20 years. Several man-targeted lines have come out, and in recent years, have been doing better. Society is less binary than it used to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:48 PM
7

I’m a makeup artist, and while I agree that the cosmetics industry is vile, I’m capable of recognizing that once you delve into the business and get past the poor retail front line salespeople, or the outfacing visuals/products, it’s an industry like any other industry. The suits in offices are crunching numbers and global trends, they’re not psychologically waging war on anyone except for markets. They give not one shit about red lipstick on the top floor of Revlon, or women in general, only wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:31 PM
127

I don’t recall ever vetting men in different ways - if they’re good men, they’re good men, not “good for being a POC man.” Shitty behavior due to cultural differences shows itself really early on, especially if you don’t try to be extra mindful of your differences. I’ve had men tell me exactly what they thought of my “disrespectful” behavior when I refused to defer to them or treat them the way a woman from their culture would. Fine by me, out yourself as quickly as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 05:38 AM
7

It’s the only real solution with guys like this. That friend of mine who just always had something I wanted/needed, I finally broke up with him, and told him exactly why, that I was tired of his unrequited love machinations, but I didn’t hate him, we just couldn’t be friends. Three months later, he reached out to me, and tried to act like his time-out was over, it was time to reconsider the friendship and give him another chance to be friends. I told him that he’d used up all his chances, and wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:03 PM
25

Yes, in a variety of ways. I once had a guy who was actually an old friend, he had a crush on me, but I’d shut it down. We had a decent friendship, I even enjoyed his company. Suddenly, he had a variety of reasons for me to rely on him… If a man is refused an expressed interest and suddenly finds a reason you “need” him, especially for a distinctively non-sexual manner that requires that you spend a lot of time with him…give that a hard look. More often than not, it’s a man who you don’t know to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 06:14 AM
6

😇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 01:53 PM
44

To be labeled under “the first time can’t get you pregnant.” Bunch of woo-ass motherfuckers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 04:46 AM
5

I’ve been lucky to have never really had bad MIL or FIL issues, although they haven’t all loved me. I know how to be charming when it’s needed, but also - I just never gave a fuck who liked me or not. And never had an issue with telling someone my boundaries, even if they were 30 years older than me. Current SO, he’s told me how his mother has always, always, given his gfs a hard time, she never liked any of them, she HATED the kid’s mother, and she’s apparently a holy terror for everyone. Me, s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 04:22 AM
71

I cannot imagine having to tick off how many days I cooked, in an effort to justify who pays for dinner. This isn’t healthy or caring in any way. Moving is incredibly stressful, I know, because I’ve moved enough in one lifetime to have PTSD over it. If he were the right one, he’d have offered takeout without prompting, and would’ve made the process easier. This whole “tit for tat” bullshit doesn’t bode well for later on. What’s he going to do when you have a dog? A baby? “I cooked last night, I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 04:25 AM
35

It’s not the wealth, it’s the will. I dated a few men who came from very rich families. If their family likes you, that’s great. Whether they consider you human or not, and worthy of inheriting their money is another thing entirely. If their son wants to date you, that’s one thing. Whether he’s willing to fight his parents on it is another. And being willing to give up his inheritance is a whole ‘nother animal. So it’s not about the amount of money between you, because some men will defy their p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 08:45 PM
235

This is where “if he wanted to, he would” comes into play. No matter who the guy is, if you’re interested, give him the simplest of encouragement, and that’s all. Just one invitation, and nothing more. If you smile at the right moment, or a single “you can call me” in any iteration appropriate to the moment, and then let him do the rest. Exactly the same as you’d do for a less fabulously wealthy man. Because no matter who they are, no matter where they’re from, if they want to, they will. If you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 01:10 PM
6

I hardly ever read the comments on any post unless it’s clearly not shitstain fodder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 05:06 AM
86

They weren’t broke the way non-celebs mean “broke.” They’re conditioned to pretend that not being able to buy a tenth car is the same as not being able to feed their family. Don’t buy it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 04:55 AM
2

My bf thinks my snoring is adorable. Admittedly, I barely snore, because I’m that light a sleeper that I wake myself up immediately. He also apologizes for snoring, and wears a snore strip so he doesn’t wake me up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 06:49 AM
16

“How do you avoid this manipulation?” How do I avoid that rush of anger and entangling manipulation? Simple. I don’t engage in the first place. When I was young and full of energy/enthusiasm/hope for the world/bitterness at its failings, I used to truly enjoy engaging and destroying men who tried to manipulate me. Absolutely loved it. Shut it down, shut them up, threw them out, made them cry, put a few in the hospital. I used to have cocky men for a pregame warmup before whiskey. The really unpl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 06:25 AM
2

In the film industry, you get what you get. That might be nothing but wrap party night, lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 07:02 AM
29

Men who lovebomb simply aren't sincere. They're doing ti because it makes them look good, not because it makes you feel good. Lovebombing is about them, not you. ​ Examples and contrasting: ​ ​ True affection: taking you to your favorite restaurant to celebrate something you achieved. Lovebombing: taking you to his favorite restaurant that you aren't particularly fond of to celebrate something you achieved. HVM: Taking you to your favorite restaurant because you had a long day and might need a p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 03:02 AM
86

It seems pretty clearly satire to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 02:24 AM
11

My ex encouraged his next GF to stalk me at work. At the time, I worked in an iconic NYC department store, and she would sneak up behind me and start talking. When I heard her voice, without turning around I would immediately walk to the phone to call security. They knew the situation, and would sometimes already be on their way, having seen her on the cameras. ​ When I confronted him about it, his response was "She's a girl, she shops, I can't tell her where to shop." I wish that I'd had a bett…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 03:35 AM
12

I know a few couples like this. They don't seem any more or less in love than anyone else, or more or less happy. But get used to almost everyone thinking it's weird, having an opinion on it, and feeling entitled to challenge you on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 12:56 AM
36

Serious question: What are men going to contribute to the conversation? "not all men suck?" Yeah genius, that's why we're trying to help each other find the ones who aren't. If you're not in agreement over that, then you're against it, and no one wants to hear it. ​ We also ALREADY KNOW THE MAN'S POINT OF VIEW. We already know what you're contributing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 08:49 PM
16

It’s both. He’s learned, like many immature and/or narcissistic people, that if they use certain words that other people who’ve actually had therapy use, that these words act like a shield for their bad behavior, and free them from accountability. Other people tend to verbally back off when they hear these triggers, instead of demanding accountability like “And you’re saying that blaming you would be wrong, because you….didn’t call me dumb?” “I feel blamed” is just a way of saying “I’m not respo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 04:58 PM
41

Yeah as soon as I hit my late teens, I was always considered above average pretty, and with my choice of a very stylized rock/metal/alt appearance, I was extra whatever you want to call it - hot, noticeable, whatever. It certainly got me a wide range of men to pick from, and it got me a lot of attention, but I would never say that it got me a lot of humane treatment. Men would fall all over themselves to talk to me, but so few of them wanted to know anything more than what they wanted from me, o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 07:05 AM
10

Exactly. A lot of people have more friendships of convenience than they have deep connections with people. They don’t know how to make friends or vet people for friendships, they just sort of accept whomever makes an effort to keep them engaged. This means that you’ll find a lot of people have very lukewarm relationships, without any real motivation to make better connections. They don’t realize that there’s more to be had, and they aren’t curious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 02:08 AM
67

In this conversation, I might say “define rape,” knowing that his answer, if any, will be along the lines of a violent assault by a stranger. Then it’s time to walk out realities like coercion and non-consensual definitions. A lot of people are still sadly in the fifties (or the Middle Ages…) with their outdated and inaccurate definitions or rape that insulate them and protect them from guilt or responsibility. Don’t let them have those comforts. When people say “I don’t do that” you ask them wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 08:15 PM
32

My observation, as a child-free woman in her fifties who now has two teenaged step kids: A lot of people are of average social abilities - this isn’t an insult, it’s just a fact: average is what most people are at most things, that’s why it’s an average (I don’t mean statistically). The average person who’s not great at social skills, they have a formula for connecting to people. They don’t think about it, they just know through experience that when they meet new people, certain topics have the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 07:29 PM
5

And YES absolutely agree that monetary value is a requirement to demonstrate some intent. My current SO flew me to our first date, and offered a separate room. We already knew each other for over 20 years, it wasn’t necessary, but he offered that extra comfort as his expense. Any SO I’ve ever had started out with a tangible offering. Dates, gifts, vacations, etc. The few men who didn’t “put out” financially were only signaling a lack of commitment up front; a lack of commitment that extended fro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 05:13 PM
4

I completely rewrote my post because it came out so angry. Thank you for seeing the actual sentiment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 04:56 PM
14

Exactly. You can make a lot of money subletting your place if it’s a good one. I know a lot of women who simply don’t give up their own places.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 08:23 PM
106

As a born-and-bred New Yorker, not living together before marriage isn’t super practical. But all the smart couples I know didn’t give their leases up, married or not. I lived with an ex, and when I found out that he was cheating, I kept the apartment and kicked him out. Good enough for me, and a massive win in NYC. The apartment was idyllic enough to make the heartache worth it, lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 06:39 PM
178

My ex used to half-jokingly call me high-maintenance. I would routinely ask him what part of my maintenance he was responsible for, and if he couldn’t name more than a few things, I must not be that high maintenance. It kind of worked, mostly because he was too stupid to realize that he was the only person who thought it was a funny joke. Much like our marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 06:08 PM
66

My SO didn’t ask for one, but he gladly accepted one when I offered it this Christmas and last year. He got me very sweet and thoughtful, meaningful gifts, plus one of the gifts on my list; same as he did last year. We’re still a new couple, and he’s highly focused on making me happy - he literally talks about it all the time and checks in with me about my happiness all the time. I would say more than once a month, he has a sweet moment where he makes sure that I’m happy with him and our life to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 02:53 PM
2

They can’t explain shit, it’s all innuendo and pretend humor. “I’m hateful, it’s hilarious!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 05:32 AM
3

A guy tried to shame me by calling me a groupie. “You only date musicians, so you’re a groupie!” Me: “I…was MARRIED to the last one, and the musician before him was an EIGHT YEAR LONG relationship! We lived together! If I were a groupie, I’d be the world’s least successful one!” Idiot. I’ve never been easy to shame. The very act of trying to neg immediately voids and nullifies their opinion. It’s like a little dog barking with his tail between his legs - you’re all fear, you’ve already lost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 06:01 AM
1

Lol of course not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 03:28 PM
29

People need to seriously stop taking their socio-geographic cues from movies. I swear, the biggest idiots are the ones who are “just convinced” that stereotypes from tv and film are baseline reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:42 AM
48

Lol what does that even MEAN like who LOOKS southern, aside from Dolly Parton?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 12:42 AM
32

Hahaaa one step up, for a hayseed like him, I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 12:41 AM
133

One “compliment” that I used to get all the time was that I “couldn’t possibly be from NYC, you look like you’re from the Midwest.” Then they would double down and tell me that I looked too wholesome to be a “real New Yorker.” Bitch I’ve got a criminal record, I can drink you under the table, and I might yet steal your wallet. I’m not wholesome, and I’m not from any state that begins and ends with a vowel, I’m wearing latex leggings, you moron. One guy actually said “you look corn fed” lol. I wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 11:19 PM
6

Totally not disagreeing about that soft coercion concept, I’ve always called it manipulative, selfish, ego-driven shittiness. That shit absolutely abounds ESPECIALLY in music. I know a guy (hard to call him a man) who’s a borderline pedophile, and has been cheating on his woman for ever. He likes the long game, where he keeps the girls on the hook when he’s touring, maintains fake relationships with them, carefully schedules when each one will come see him, etc. I’ve seen this story many differe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 10:20 PM
88

Amazing! Congratulations and your picture is terrifying lol but AMAZING!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:30 PM
7

Joey was a weirdo more than a jerk, I don’t think he really knew how to manage the attention, but he enjoyed it. I just found him weird and quiet and smelled bad, so I avoided him. The women fighting over him were weirdos too, it’s not like Deborah Harry and Patty Smith were fighting over him. The model ex - in transparency - truly had no part in the women approaching him in public. He was kind of stupid though, and could never figure out how to get his ex to stop harassing me. He GENUINELY enjo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 09:20 PM
15

This was in the days before smart phones. Well I’m not huge on begging for approval from strangers either, so I’ll just say this much: because it’s never happened to you, it couldn’t have happened to anyone else? Yes I have LITERALLY been shoved by another woman more than once, in a club or a bar, so she could get to my bf. He was absolutely gorgeous. Working model, 6’4”, green eyes, broad shoulders, always looked like he’d just rolled out of bed. He was disturbingly good looking. Women would wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:48 PM
33

I’ve been with men who got unending amounts of sexual attention from women, without asking for it, much less coercing anyone. I mean like, women shoving me out of the way to get to him kind of unasked for kind of attention. This is unrelated to OP, I’m just saying that conventionally attractive men get a lot of attention, wanted or not. I really appreciate the phrase “morally habitual” it’s accurate and I hope I remember to use it as appropriately as you have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 08:26 PM
2

Sorry lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 01:45 PM
3

So gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 01:44 PM
24

A million years ago, in a retail job I used to work, there was this adorable guy coworker. He was very attractive, always well dressed (we worked at a very high end, grossly expensive store) hair always styled, cute face. I didn’t know him well, and he was like 20 years younger than me, so it’s not like I was checking him out, but that didn’t make him less pleasant to look at. Until one day, I was in the break room at the same time that he was, and saw the inside of his coffee mug. We had enough…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 05:02 AM
15

“Not all men” Well, not all chambers have bullets, but no one plays Russian Roulette for funsies, asshole. (Apologies to Russians, I don’t yet know what to call it without the reference)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 05:00 PM
15

Absolutely not, no never, not in a million years, not if he was amazing in every other way. But can 100% guarantee that he is NOT amazing in every other way, because his life will be full of “it’s never happened to me so it doesn’t exist.” See also: selfish in bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:58 PM
5

You will get past this! You will be happy! And you will find someone who fits into your happiness exactly the way you need them to. They’re out there, and they may not exactly be plentiful, they can be found. We’re in our fifties, I’d given up before I reconnected with him, honestly, and finding something and someone this perfect was unexpected. He makes me tear up a lot too. Happiness isn’t out there, you find it within. When you have that, it’s easy to spot it in other people. I think you’re d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 02:20 PM
1

And if I received an incredibly meaningful gift, I wouldn’t be shitty about it if it wasn’t also expensive, even if he was wealthy. Conversely, if my guy bought me something that he couldn’t afford, I’d be upset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 10:49 PM
13

It’s not a dollar amount, that’s formulaic and pointless. Any asshole can spend money, don’t fall for that kind of mindlessness. Did your happiness matter to him when he bought it. That’s it. I asked an ex (one of my best relationships, I hated giving that guy up) for a pasta pot. He thought it was a silly gift, and unexciting. I said that pasta is always exciting, and that I would think of him every single time I used it. He bought it for me because making me happy was the only thing that matte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 03:36 AM
19

Exactly why I don’t (didn’t; I’m not single) actually make the effort. I wasn’t suggesting to make the effort, merely that one could exchange phone numbers as a placebo. The effect is still the same: take my number and use it, if you don’t, I’ve not wasted any effort. Sure, I’ll take your number. Not gonna call, but I’ll take it to end the conversation. In real life, I told men that I would not call them, that they would have to call me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 09:23 PM
75

One of my favorite holiday memories, even though all of the elements of it are long gone: I was in my mid twenties, and I lived with my then-bf of several years. We have since broken up quite un-amicably and no longer speak, but the reasons for that are unimportant for this story. He was away for work for several months leading up to Christmas. This was before online existed, and he was in a remote-ish location where shopping wasn’t fruitful at the time. I was in our apartment, in Soho, where sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 08:37 PM
83

There is no single “right way” to initiate second contact. (First contact being the exchange of information and declaration of intent) In the past, young me would either ask for a phone number or offer it. After 30, I only offered it. When I pursued men, the results were iffy. Sometimes they were worth the effort, sometimes not. If I gave them my number and they didn’t call though, no matter how disappointed I was about it (or not, lol) it was less disappointing than going on a few dates with so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 08:13 PM
11

This reads a lot like you think that you need a man more than you want one. That’s a great combination for winding up with a man who’s mainly attracted to neediness. Think outside the box - instead of depending on external factors like men, find a path to self-completion. It’s the most free you’ll ever be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 07:50 PM
11

Compliments are easy to filter if you’re paying attention. If the compliment is about something visible and obvious, it doesn’t really count. Completely discounting crass or crass-adjacent bullshit “compliments” like “you’re hot” aside: “Those pants look good on you” is a poorly disguised leer, but even “that’s a nice coat” isn’t much of an effort to compliment the individual in an observant way. For one guy, it’s picking a non-sexualized item as a distracting opener (I’m gonna compliment you on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 02:34 PM
27

I met my HVM through an ex. I knew him for years before we started dating, but if we’d been single at the same time earlier, I would’ve started sooner. He was attractive from the start, but within a few months of knowing him, I knew that he was a forever kind of guy, and I always thought “he’s going to make some woman very happy one day.” From the outside, he was always respectful, never pushing any agenda of his own. We spoke as often as situations presented themselves, we never talked much out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 02:08 PM
116

Besides the blatantly obvious ones, it’s hard to pinpoint the signs of a cheater, because their entire existence is based on misdirection and fueled by self-interest. Hard to separate their facade from the person underneath, with good reason. I can say that I’ve found that the most truly loyal men prove their honesty in actions, not words. Any asshole can recoil in horror when cheating is brought up. The ones who mean it get reputations for it, because so many people just let it slide. My ex, as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 01:46 AM
6

After the age of 35, this is much less of a choice. If not having kids is important to you, don’t spend decades thinking that you’re going to have a choice later on. It’s not that they’re not out there, it’s that there are just so fucking few men without kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 05:36 PM
30

My guy and his family aren’t huge holiday people. They don’t make a big meal, they don’t have Christmas decorations except for the basics (tree, stockings, that’s it) and they don’t do piles of gifts. My ex husband’s family was huge on holidays, but my ex refused to go to my mother’s, ever. Not once in 7 years did we spend a holiday with her. I also had less of a relationship with her back then, so I never fought him on it until the end before I left. Current guy makes all the effort where it ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 06:29 AM
2

I work in the film industry, and this documentary was a good watch. I wish it had been a little different, but I'm not exactly sure how. I love that it was made, for sure. ​ In the last decade, I've seen a huge, and I mean huge, change in the industry. Ten years ago, you'd be lucky to work with more than a few women on set, outside of the hair and makeup trailer. And when you found yourself on a female-heavy crew, no one ever wanted to talk about it, the appreciation of working with women, becau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 03:36 AM
25

The letter is pure manipulation, it’s not an actual expression of true sentiment. That alone should be enough motivation to not be moved by it; the entire intent is to make you feel something that you wouldn’t feel without manipulation. If you think that he’s not trying to manipulate you, and that he genuinely has fond memories of your relationship, the one that made you miserable, then he’s delusional or enjoys your misery. Same result; the letter is a Trojan horse, don’t accept it as something…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 12:11 PM
50

I’m in my fifties, and only now am I starting to feel like an adult. But that’s due more to my situation than my age. Inside my head, I’m still the three year old child, running to keep up with my six foot tall daddy. I’m still the six year old, watching my mother open a Carvel ice cream cake for my birthday. I’m still a fourteen year old, waiting for my first boyfriend to pick me up at the train station. That part never really changes if you don’t let it. Keep the kid with you, you want her per…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 01:59 PM
9

That family isn’t nice. That “90% of the time they’re a Norman Rockwell painting, only 10% of the time is uncomfortable” bullshit, that’s like seeing one mouse, or one roach. Behind the walls is a thousand roaches that you can’t see, but the infestation exists and it’s waiting for you to drop your guard. I have a single branch of my family who are religious “nuts,” and they are outwardly, the nicest, sweetest people ever. Sugary, syrupy sweet. It’s only every so often that the mask slips and the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 04:19 PM
19

“Hard to read” is manspeak for “I’m emotionally shallow, and need validation, I am also too lazy to care enough about your feelings to try to observe them on my own, so this is my indication that I will never ever make an effort to intuit or anticipate your emotional state or needs, never. If your reaction to my plaintive mewling of weaponized incompetence is to spell your feelings out for my stunted comprehension, I know that with you, pretty girl, I will never have to lift a goddamned finger; …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 06:35 AM
10

Mine was. Granted, we’d known each other for 23 years before we started dating, so waiting another few months wasn’t a big deal, but the circumstances of our first big meetup highlighted the fact that he was willing. Long story short: our first “sleepover” was in a city that neither of us live in. He flew me out so we could have a few days together. We hadn’t slept together yet. When he reserved the room, he asked me if I wanted my own room, I said it wasn’t necessary, but asked him “what if we …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 06:25 AM
11

Wary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 07:16 PM
3

It’s kind of hard to explain, it’s not like they all have one kind of life, and it’s not like the differences could possibly be summed up in a few sentences. Celebrities aren’t like you and I (I assume that you’re not one) their lives aren’t their own. Their lives are different at a very foundational level. To the point where if you and I think about taking a note as a reminder to do something later, a lot of them simply have an entire human being there to either remind them later, or to do the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 06:10 PM
13

This IS good news. If we as a society can collectively move away from the trope of “all men do it,” our future daughters will have a better life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 05:05 PM
9

My last relationship was with a man who would, at regular intervals every 3-4 months, tell me verbally that he “still isn’t ready for a serious relationship,” that the traumatic split from his ex wife was still weighing heavily on his heart, it would take time for him to learn how to trust again blah blah blah blahblahblah. In the meantime, he wasn’t lovebombing, he was acting exactly like someone who was slowly opening up and falling in love. The whole nine: staring at each other in the morning…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 04:29 AM
13

I “worked hard” on all of my past relationships. Regardless of the level of effort they put in, I always worked hard, having been raised by a woman who prioritized her relationships before everything else on the planet, including me. I always knew better, but the example I’d been given set me up for failure. The men weren’t all terrible, but the ones with the most amount of effort attached to the relationship were. The two men that didn’t make the relationship feel like work, they were good men,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:31 PM
110

I thank anyone who pays for my dinner, whether it’s a date, a friend, or my mother. The friend doesn’t have to, but my mother (MY mother, not mothers as a rule) is expected to. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t get thanked. Same with a date. It’s also “thank you for dinner” not “thank you for paying,” there’s a difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:02 PM
45

I work with celebrities regularly…I wouldn’t assign any importance to what little you think you know about them. Their lives aren’t what you think they are. Plus, comparisons aren’t super healthy. Even if everything we thought about TS were true, it doesn’t matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:54 PM
21

One, I don’t keep friends like that, but in the meantime: Keep it simple, highlight her overstepping, do not answer. When she says things like this, you have a handful of responses ready that will fit, no matter what she says. “It’s not a competition.” “Why would you say that to me?” “I’m sure you meant that as a compliment?” “Thank you!!! (Extreme sarcasm needed here) “I’m…sorry?” (Not in an apologetic tone, more like you must’ve misheard) Things like this will bring a good friend up short and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 03:03 PM
21

For some people, taking control over their sexuality means (whether they realize it or not) that they become hypersexualized, the end result seemingly to be attractive to as many people as possible that they find attractive, so they can reject most or all of them. It’s like a mating ritual on steroids. I get it, but outside the head of the person doing it, it doesn’t look much different than plain old desperation. The problem is that the people who do this, the Megan Thee Stallions,the Cardi Bs,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 02:11 AM
133

“I’m not intimidating, you’re intimidated. There’s a difference.” This is usually true. That being said, I know that despite my lack of height, my lack of fucks often makes people feel intimidated. Good. Step back. I’ve never dated a man who tried to use my nature against me. I know my HVM had always been fascinated by me, but intimidated? Puh. Confidence IS appealing, and men who RECOGNIZE that confidence and then match it? I like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 04:07 AM
29

This thread had me giggling, and I thought of another Seinfeldian moment of ex-revelation, figured I’d share it. I have an ex, we dated for almost 8 years. There were a few girls before me, we all looked pretty different, but one girl had vaguely similar features to me. Didn’t think much of it at the time. The girl immediately after me? Clone. It made me think back and take a second look at the girls before me…and yep, another one looked more like me than I’d thought, at 20. The next woman he da…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 03:32 PM
31

It does seem that way, doesn't it. He may have had that to some degree. He was meticulously clean, which appealed to me initially, but had absolutely no sign of a disorder. In other words, it seemed to be a personality trait and preference - it had no effect on his life except for socially. He never got in his own way, these were all choices he made. He knew it made him a dick, and he was actually fine with being a dick, just get in line and he would stop bothering you about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 12:40 AM
22

Tattwoos? Like a pair? Wut
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 09:17 PM
127

Close! Turns out, he was “Sleeping With Anyone.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 09:04 PM
171

I have an ex who would get really bent out of shape if the tiny corner was left behind when the paper towel got torn off. The first time he pointed it out as one of the hundred annoying little things that his roommate did, I thought he was joking. He would also get flustered, like half panicky, if the knives were left handle-side down in the drying rack. And by “knives,” I mean butter knives, not steak knives. I didn’t leave because of his fragile sense of order, but it sure made leaving easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 08:20 PM
10

If they're calling you shallow for having standards, that's a huge problem. These statements are usually made in a way that feels "true" and therefore hard for you to deny without feeling like you have to accept that you are shallow. It's called a false equivalency. ​ Them: "If you reject a man for not being attractive to you, that makes you shallow." ​ You: "I am rejecting men who aren't attractive to me! I must be shallow!" You are not shallow for this, it is not a true statement, and you don'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 06:26 PM
12

My friends would never. Find new friends, because I’m 100% sure that they don’t reserve that toxicity for your dating life only.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 01:36 PM
9

Disgusting man. Absolutely repulsive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:38 AM
7

Exactly. I don’t want a fight, but damn kid, let me know you wouldn’t just raise a glass as I get dragged out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:37 AM
38

I was dating a guy who, on paper, was HV. Masters degree in biomechanical engineering, very good looking, very sweet, and we actually got along really well. I wasn’t looking for anything permanent, as I would be relocating within the year, but he was fun. The one thing that kind of irked me was that he’d never been in a fight. Like never. Not even as a kid in school. Normally, that’s not a bad thing, but hear me out. Without going into any personal information that would out me in any way, my ba…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 05:14 PM
3

I started getting waxed in the late 90’s when it was just popular. I lived in NYC, and went to the J Sisters, which put Brazilian waxing on the map, and was written into an episode of Sex In The City. I’d never had a lot of pubic hair to begin with, and my friends and I were intrigued. We were in our mid-late 20’s. I loved it, it was much more pleasing to me. Something to note about me though, I never ever once did anything “for men.” I wore what I liked and did what I wanted to do IN SPITE of t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 02:35 PM
131

Being with a boy should be as good as being alone. Other boys aren’t his competition, YOU ARE. If his company doesn’t actually enhance your life, it’s detracting from it. Boys lie. Don’t take it personally, just don’t take it at all. They will tell you what you want to hear, so don’t judge their words, judge them by their actions and their follow through. But judging them is an absolute must. If you find yourself making excuses for him more than a few times a year, you’re with the wrong guy. Goo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 11:05 PM
6

Face tattoos. Literally any bad or stupid tattoo. If they have poor judgment when it comes to permanent marks on their own person, they will likely not have good judgement in most other situations, especially when it involves the welfare of others (our relationship/me). I’ve never dated a guy with shitty judgement in tattoos who had great judgement otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:07 PM
20

Oh my god, sometimes I truly miss taking guys like this apart, piece by piece, in plain view of their friends and strangers. I always did enjoy a good impalement on the front lawn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 04:49 AM
133

Makeup artist here, and hell yes their reaction is everything. If they can even avoid the “hurr durr wHat cAn yUo dO wItH ThIs fAcE!” dusty as fuck old joke, they’re ahead of the game. But the next few questions they ask are very telling about where their heads are at. “Normal,” thoughtful questions or opinions tell me that they aren’t looking forward an excuse to ridicule me. Genuine curiosity is a good sign, jokes are not. I can’t say that I’ve had a ton of lascivious or leering follow-up ques…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 01:38 AM
8

It’s important to understand that these thoughts are normal, and also that they don’t mean anything. It’s fine that you’re having these urges, as long as you don’t feel compelled to follow through with them (which you obviously don’t!). Just ride the thoughts out, they’ll diminish and pass with time, and with you not assigning too much importance to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 01:01 AM
27

Por que no los dos?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 12:00 AM
17

I worked at a strip club decades ago, it was both terrible and also kind of ridiculous. The problem isn’t so much that the concept of seeing naked women is wrong, what makes it terrible is as always, people. And not just the men. Mostly the men, though lol. Where I worked it was absolutely forbidden to touch the women, even if they were ok with it, which they usually weren’t. Men of course often thought it was a sport to push the envelope, and see how much they could get away with. The atmospher…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 02:37 PM
3

I’ve always maintained that I don’t want to be needed. Neediness is the least attractive trait. If a man needs me to be needy, I’m not the one. Telling a woman to cater to a man’s weaknesses is setting her up for a weak man. I want my man to want me. Anyone who needs me can fuck all the way off. And if I have to compromise myself in any way for a man, I have no need for that relationship at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 03:08 PM
1

Hahaaaa
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 01:19 AM
12

When I was younger, I never actually enjoyed porn, but I wasn’t aware that I had a choice in the matter. Once I realized that, it was never an issue for me. The few conversations I’ve had about it get the expected reactions from men and women alike; men usually take it as a huge personal insult, as they do anything that denies any man on the planet the possibility of access to sex with me. It also garners a few different reactions from women, ranging from aggression to pity. The aggression comes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 05:57 PM
14

The only rep I ever encouraged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:11 PM
329

Never. I was way too willing to punch them in the face, and the teachers knew it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 03:22 AM
1

I really strongly dislike being "called out" on it, as if I'm not capable of minding for my own welfare, or as if I owe you an explanation. ​ I enjoy having sex with my partner, even the things that don't lead to my orgasm, because I'm just as giving as he is. In the past, with less loving relationships, things were different. ​ ​ Edited to add: ​ Your statements indicate that you have an "absolute" mindset; as in "if it doesn't bring me great pleasure, there's no reason for me to do it, ever, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 08:53 PM
92

"Let's teach women from birth to fight each other in competition for the male gaze, teach them that their entire value derives from how they benefit men, then let them hang when they sacrifice themselves to the pursuit of men. Any man." And if the audience is men, they clap each other on the back for the single wet dick amongst them, telling themselves that if they just uphold the bro code, the future owes them free pussy. Also, because mommy said so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 02:43 PM
0

“I enjoy making him feel good.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 05:10 AM
0

You may be conflating the words "don't like" with "dislike." They aren't the same thing. I do not dislike it. It's not unpleasant, having sex is fun, and not 100% about either one of us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 04:16 AM
0

I mean, I said why in the comment you're replying to. ​ ​ ​ I don't enjoy wiping my ass, either, but it gets me where I want to go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 11:25 PM
4

If women enjoyed giving head, they’d stick a dildo in their mouths. So to be strictly realistic, I enjoy making him feel so good that he can’t form complete sentences. If I could do that any other way, I would. But ENJOY having a dick in my face? No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 10:42 PM
14

Hahahaaaaa that’s amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 10:37 PM
45

Talk to your friends about him. It’s amazing how quickly bullshit stinks when you air it out. I find myself (past tense) saying things out loud and as I hear the words coming out of my mouth…I just have to laugh. Same for encouraging friends to talk about their relationships; all of a sudden their realizations are easily accessible. It’s too easy to tell yourself that this “slightly” annoying thing he does doesn’t matter, the mean thing he said - he doesn’t mean it, that red flag that you’re con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 06:51 AM
5

I don’t think it ever meant anything to me. My sad story is that I was born without fucks, and spent a lot of time demonstrating that, but as I got older, I started second guessing myself. I strayed from the path for a few years, but I pulled my shit back together and flipped the bird back on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 06:41 PM
59

Saran wrap and a really large freezer. ​ They keep for months that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 05:52 PM
3

I had a big shiny engagement ring once. To be honest, I’ve no idea where it is now; somewhere in my storage boxes, I guess. Maybe at my mothers a thousand miles away. I don’t care. The ring meant nothing in the end, and it doesn’t even have value as a resale now. The guy that I’m with and I will wind up married at one point, and I actively do NOT want him spending money on a big ring. Now don’t get me wrong, I love big sparkly joolz, and if we can get an engineered diamond for what we both consi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 02:17 PM
19

Lawd He love-bombed me and completely overwhelmed my just-separated and thoroughly substance-abusive self. I tried so hard to resist him, but he was determined to prove to me that he wasn’t going to let me down like my ex had. Promised to build me a house with his own hands. Have a baby, take care of me, make my life dreamy. I was vulnerable. He was also…the kind of good looking that was almost universally attractive. 6’3”, green eyes, stunning good looks. Had been both a model and a hockey play…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 10:55 PM
1

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 04:07 AM
10

This is only 7 miles away from you?!? Girl, you should move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 11:52 PM
17

I’ll never forget a guy I met many years ago in a bar. He was on vacation/work trip in my city, and stopped in for a beer or two almost every day. Partly to see me. He was a small business owner, and was staying a block or so away. He made it clear that he was interested, and asked me out on a date, said he’s take me anywhere I recommended, since I was familiar with the city and had favorites. I’d just left my husband, and I declined, but made it clear that if I hadn’t needed at least a year of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 10:37 PM
17

Powerful cautionary tale, thank you for sharing. And I hope you leave, honestly. Find happiness sooner rather than later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:38 AM
38

I used to chase a man, but I learned that lesson long before FDS came along. ​ I have never and would never fight for a man. What an absolutely ludicrous waste of time and energy. He's not a dinner scrap, I am not a dog fighting over food. He has a voice and self-determination. If he can't engage either, then he's not man enough to be in a relationship with me. Or anybody, but...not everyone is ready for that truth. ​ Also, people cannot be stolen. If you can get him, you can keep him. ​ I was d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:12 PM
3

Enjoy the journey!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 01:57 PM
8

I stopped dating for a while. If I could’ve afforded it, I would’ve gotten a therapist, instead I had to do some serious mental work on my own. Lots of self care, and the most important part of that self care was rebuilding my ability to maintain boundaries. I had to do that with friends and family first, and when I felt confident about that again, I felt like it was okay to share that energy with a partner. I was pretty busy with my career anyway, and only had a limited amount of time for anyon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 12:31 PM
14

Funny enough, I never liked a phone call every night either, before my current partner. I also never particularly liked snuggling or holding hands, or planning banal everyday activities around each other. Now I love it. Ya just never know what’s in store, do ya.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 03:17 AM
16

I'm lucky that the men in my family are either respectful, or leave me alone for the most part. ​ But yeah, I have hundreds of moments where strangers demanded something of me, even something small, and reacted poorly when refused. I feel like ALL of us get those demands, it's a constant vetting process that men make of us. The other side of the coin as us; we vet for value, they vet for compliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 12:47 AM
15

I try to remove any variables, which is obviously harder if you don’t know the people you’re making plans with. You don’t know who’s going to be on time, or in this case, if ANYONE will be. So while I can’t say that I would’ve known to do this for a first time I join an already established group, I try to meet larger groups in places where I can sit and enjoy myself whether they’re there or not. For me, that means food or a cafe, even if it’s just a few doors down. I’m gonna sit and work or SM s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 07:44 PM
148

I’ve always been! Men used to call me a bitch for whatever it was that they didn’t like that I was gleefully doing without apology. They thought it would upset me or get me to act differently. Nope. “You’re a bitch.” “Yep, I’m a bitch who won’t give you my phone number. And?” When the intended response was supplication, mine is always “I don’t need your approval.” Sadly, for a while in my life, I lost my sense of self determination, and tried dating men who didn’t treat me right. Dark times. But…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 07:05 PM
178

Can confirm. Can also confirm that some men know how to fake it, so that “never stop vetting” thing is a really important habit. If you’re not good at vetting, you’re vulnerable to love-bombing, and the narcissistic tendency to flatter and revere you for your ability to exalt them. Never accept anything less than wholehearted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 06:46 PM
69

“iT wAs A JoOoOkE!” says every guy who clearly wasn’t joking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 05:18 PM
8

It’s always nice to see anecdotal confirmation that there are genuinely tolerable men out there with no tangible agenda.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 03:33 PM
-6

Where did I drag other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 01:20 PM
-8

You can pick up what you want, I’ve always taken everything as a compliment, and I am a pretty girl who people assume is vapid. If a woman seeing herself as “great” no matter how you measure it looks suspicious to you, that’s not on me, that’s on you. ETA: I have always been obviously “alternative” metal/rock/punk rock whatever you want to call it. Tattoos, dyed hair, Mohawks, etc back before it was cool or anyone had ever heard of Hot Topic. I’ve never been “the girl next door.” I’ve always bee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 12:55 PM
230

Allow men to make sexual comments or “jokes” and let it slide. I haven’t done that in a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 01:09 AM
3

Haha I love comparing myself to the nexts of exes. I always come out on top. I enjoy the thought of them comparing themselves to ME even more. In fact, when I see an ex with a younger woman, or a model, or anyone that society would generally see as “better” in some mediocre American pleb kind of way? It’s flattering. Yeah he couldn’t get better than this, so he went for generic pretty. Good luck with that, turd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:57 PM
13

Hmmmmmm we have motion sensor on the walkway, maybe we can get smart bulbs for the porch! I can just turn them on when we’re on the street! Thanks for the idea!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 09:07 PM
43

I love the idea of porch lights being on when I get home, and I’m always trying to remember to turn them on before we go out to dinner. (Not that often, because we don’t go out to dinner in the panini) He would always look at me funny when I asked to have the porch lights on, but wouldn’t leave them on. But one time I remembered to turn them on before we left. Coming up the street and the driveway, I was so pleased to see our door lit up. How bucolic! How welcoming! (I grew up in a huge city, we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 03:51 PM
45

Middle aged women who are trying too hard to see the world through rose-tinted glasses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 11:48 AM
43

My HVM is adorably oblivious when it comes to observing the interest of women. We’ve known each other for a long time but didn’t meet until our late 20’s, but I am friends with a lot of the people he did grow up with. One consistent comment that the women make is that “all the girls had a crush on him, and he never knew. It made him even more appealing.” As a teenager, and well into his late thirties, the guy was never single. Know why? Because he fucking makes an effort and tries, even when he’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 09:49 PM
5

This is clearly satire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 03:22 AM
16

I saw that video. I want to think that they’re the kind of couple who just always does shit like this, and she wasn’t upset about it. I know people who literally find stuff like this funny, and would not be doing any of this in anger. But we all know that’s not this. He didn’t do this to her because he knew she would laugh. He was doing it in anger. Because he’s a little boy who had his fee fees hurt by her doing something playful. Never mind that I find the whole cake smear thing absolutely dis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 10:16 PM
8

Exactly! Why am I keeping score and giving it all back??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 03:42 AM
3

Hahahaaaaa
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 12:55 AM
10

Wonder what she’ll give for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 11:56 PM
8

Absolutely part of the problem!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 11:55 PM
8

Hahaaa plot twist!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 11:53 PM
134

She’s clearly viewing a relationship as transactional, and one in which she needs to purchase validation. The worst kind of pickme. And because men also view relationships as transactional, what valueless man with nothing to bring to the table but competition would see this as a bad value? She’s constantly trying to outdo him, so all he has to do is sit back and receive. Useless people using useless people. They can have each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 12:43 PM
42

What was mutual friend’s response to his request?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 02:42 AM
3

Thank you for the kindness, and yes, I am doing SO well, and I am so free of the yoke of blame! It was hard to not blame myself, I'd known this man forever, and he'd been the World's Most Active Ladies Man twenty years ago, I had no reason to believe that he'd grown up. Except for the twenty years that had passed... ​ I 'could've' known better, but I can't ever fault myself for seeing the best in anyone. The worst part of it all was that when I was younger, I was the opposite of a pickme. It's o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 12:53 AM
53

HVM don’t compare themselves to other men, because they do what’s right, and they don’t need validation or encouragement to know what that is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:58 PM
43

I don’t talk to my father much, he’s pretty pointless in general, and neither of us make the effort to talk. My HVM asked about him when we started dating and were in the “childhood stories/getting to know you” phase, and I told him that we basically didn’t talk. He wanted to know why, because he misses his dad a lot. I gave him a rundown of how absent my father’s been my whole life. I know this hurt my SO to hear. As a father, he can’t imagine not caring about his daughter. As a son who missed …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 04:42 AM
38

Sadly, not even this is enough, sometimes. I have an ex who had a huge pity party for himself about his ex wife, and how “she done him so wrong” and how bruised his soul. He would SAY that he was still getting over it (just about a year before we started dating) and that he “just couldn’t commit yet” but made 100% of the right moves for me to see that he really WANTED a relationship, deep down, all buried where he couldn’t even see it. Sarcastic font, for the entire last sentence. He really just…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 10:42 PM
28

The loudest howls when boundaries are kept are from the ones who always meant to overstep them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 01:45 AM
12

I’ve cut off a few guy friends before. Some because I had feelings, most because they had feelings, but all of the relationships were bad for me. Some of them took themselves out, some i just let fade over time, but I’ve had a few frank discussions as well. Basically, your first priority is yourself, not him, not his feelings, not what he learns from it, and not what he thinks of you. Just you. What I did the most recent time I cut a friend off was I put it in writing so he could not only review…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 01:38 PM
42

No the fuck they do not, indeed. They do Fucking not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 12:05 AM
130

The reasons are all of the above, and more. So many men are raised from birth to expect a specific set of behaviors from women, at any age: nurturing, mothering, infatuation, compliance, femininity, etc. For whatever armchair psychology reasons you can think of, when shitty men can’t reconcile their expectations with actual adult women, like water, they seek their own level. There are men who just have never had good impulse control. Men who want “untouched” women. Some of them are straight up p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 09:48 PM
5

It’s not that they think so much, dial that down a few notches, and don’t give them that much credit. It’s that the ones who DO respond to such bullshit are the ones that they can manipulate in that same style forever. If a woman responds to talk like that, she’ll always let him cheat on her, talk down to her, and she’ll always be begging for what shit crumbs he gives her. Not that he’s thinking about it that way, either. He still ain’t conniving, he’s garbage. But he’s developed a way of vettin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 12:21 PM
24

Depends, is she an asshole? If she’s an asshole, I’m betting that he is too. If, on the other hand, she’s kind and a little clueless, she might just not realize that it kinda sounds like she’s shopping for a purchase, not setting her son up on a date. But most of the women who say this aren’t endearingly clueless, they’re straight up clueless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 04:59 AM
89

Can’t wait to see his life come crashing down into a fireball when he realizes that People being nice to you doesn’t mean the same thing in real life as it does in porn - most people are just being nice and aren’t actually waiting for you to whip it out but lawd let me be a fly on the wall when someone slams his dick in a door for doing it. Making porn is a totally different experience from watching it, and most men in the industry wind up getting real cozy with a dick that isn’t their own becau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 01:23 AM
10

Honestly I’m surprised that they can even remember what they’re angry about by the time they open a new text window. Nice guy: “I wish I had a gf, I would treat her better than that guy.” Also Nice guy: “whaddya mean I have to do things, can’t she do them herself?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 08:42 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:19 PM
1

I hope so too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:18 PM
3

The reality is that we didn't live very near each other (like an hour away, which in NYC is a lot), but he was old buddies with the guy I'd just started dating. For the next 8-9 years, when we did see each other, one of us was always in a relationship, and he was that guy who would never even give me a lingering look, because he's like that. He's always been "A Good Man" and we all knew it. The kind of guy that you knew his GF was always treated well, you know? ​ We just didn't have great timing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:18 PM
3

They're OUT there, you just have to vet vet vet!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 12:57 PM
40

Not all guys follow women like that, it’s a deliberate choice, not an automatic thing. Some of those guys who follow them are predatory, some of them are shopping, some of them are idiots, some of them are delusional, but no, none of them do it “because they’re guys,” they do it because they want to see women. Is it a lot of them, like half of his list? Or like five of a thousand people he follows? Context. Are they just hot chicks? Or are they bots/marketing/only fans types? He might just have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 02:57 AM
11

We’ve known each other for 25 years, started dating in 2019.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 02:44 AM
9

Anyways. ​ I see no reason to defend my HVM, he's amazing for a million reasons every day, not just for what he did in the last 16 hours. ​ I hope that you have peace and happiness like mine, honestly. No shade, I hope you have as lovely a life as I am. We all deserve happiness like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 02:29 AM
18

Ah no. We are in our fifties, offering each other comfort and food is basic. He has a single stuffed animal, it was given to him when he lost his beloved dog several years ago, it’s the same breed. Getting that, unprompted, to keep me company is adorable and worth talking about. Notice that my post was not titled “man brings me food, let’s all fawn over him.” Nice way to shit on a sweet moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 02:12 AM
218

Hahaaaaa that occurred to me after I wrote it, and I decided it was good FDS clickbait, lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 02:05 AM
15

Amazing!! Wooo!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:48 AM
8

Hahaaaaaa
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:40 AM
7

If I could clone him, I would!! We should all be this happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:07 AM
16

Love it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:01 AM
5

I think so too!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 12:44 AM
7

That was the hope!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 12:32 AM
22

I want that to happen!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 12:25 AM
8

My bf buys his daughter’s tampons and pads with the same comfort that he buys bananas. He teaches both of his kids that it’s normal, to the point where she can bring it up in conversation with all of us and no one bats an eye. It’s weird for me, I’m used to people older than me having feelings about it and trying to normalize it. I’m not used to everyone being okay with it, lol. So yeah, this was an early box checked in this relationship!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 08:00 PM
23

I took martial arts for years, and it’s a mixed bag. You definitely get some meatheads who are there for the machismo that men can only get from wrestling with other sweaty buff dudes. But I’ve found that there are a LOT of people (not just men!) in these classes who really enjoy pushing each other to learn more and train harder. That’s very much a part of martial arts training, it’s not like the gym, where everyone is in their own little bubble. That being said, I wasn’t there, and this guy did…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 07:47 PM
12

You should also introduce the concept of Sunk Cost Fallacy to her. Sometimes, seeing things in black and white is more of an eye-opener than just having a support system. Hence…this entire page, and any other advice column or article. Research Sunk Cost, and choose at least one article that you feel includes language and experience similar to hers. Make it hard for her to NOT see herself in the article. Follow up with a discussion, and also give her time to marinate. Encourage her to take her ti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 07:33 PM
35

The other woman isn’t real. I really wish I had a ringside seat to his life when he realizes that he gave up his wife for a prince in Nigeria.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 06:59 PM
26

“Combining life forces” requires me to shower after reading. Thanks I hate it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 06:25 PM
18

If dating is that much “pressure,” maybe they should prioritize some other part of their life until they’re ready to grow the fuck up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:13 PM
2

I’m no more anti-game than I am anti-weed. I don’t enjoy or partake in either, and I don’t want to compete with either one for my partner’s attention. My ex husband (turns head and spits) was a total game idiot by the time I left. I would work 9-12 hours a day, get home, and all he would have done was drink cheap beer and play video games. He proudly displayed his thumb calluses from his controller. Thought the whole thing was funny. The girl who moved in after me was ten years younger, and they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:03 PM
18

Thank you so much! I love writing when the mood takes me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 02:26 AM
24

To be fair, he was pretty dumb. I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot his wallet at least once a month at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 02:24 AM
14

I sure did. ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 02:24 AM
113

I've heard this a million times - "if you keep doing X, you're never find a man to marry you." When I was a teenager, my response was "So?" In my twenties, my response was "Good, I don't want to get married." In my thirties, it was "Well against all odds, I found one, and he was still shit." By the time I was divorced, I don't think anyone even bothered saying it. No one ever said to to me who actually knew me, but that might be just my brilliant ability to shun anyone who thinks that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 09:28 PM
0

Two things: Everyone deals with death differently, you can't expect anyone to be good at it; "good" being relative, since you hope that what you need is the same as what they need. It's enough to break up with someone over. Some people need solitude to cope with death, some need comfort, some need something in between. If you're capable of communicating your needs and he simply didn't find it necessary to meet them, that is where your focus should be. ​ So yes, it was very good that you found th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:23 PM
19

Unfortunately, not by default. Some of the worst treatment I’ve had has been from women doctors, and some of the best has been from one or two male doctors. Two of my favorite doctors ever were men, both OB/GYN, one was luckily also a GP. He was stubborn about some things, but always eventually trusted me. The longer I was with him, the quicker he was to accept that I could be correct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 02:53 PM
91

One of the best things I’ve gotten from the internet is seeing this recommendation: When doctors refuse to test or address a concern you have, insist that they write it in your records that you requested and they refused. It holds them accountable in the future, should that concern turn out to be legitimate and that earlier diagnosis would have changed the outcome. It’s yet another thing that we have to thank WOC for, since they’ve been dealing with this on an even more dramatic scale than non-W…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 02:45 PM
17

Just…don’t answer. Being up front about not letting them manipulate you is far more empowering than reinforcing their behavior by letting think that they’re manipulating you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 01:24 AM
48

Men victimizing themselves: “men get no chance with women, it’s almost impossible! Women can get dick anywhere!” Also men: “Men leave women for trivial reasons! Women never leave men for a good reason! NEVAAAARRRRR!” People in general need to be fucking direct with each other from the start. When you’re a child using this circular argument, you should get called out on it loudly and often, lest you become an adult who thinks that this works.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 06:29 PM
30

I’ve just recently seen a factoid circulating the internet regarding the noises women make during sex were developed evolutionarily to spur competition between males. I wondered how that would be used against women. Now I know. That man is too stupid to know the difference between being out in the wild, fighting for your life, and having your own house and a whole adult spouse who thinks she loves you. Pfft. One of my exes hated that I made ANY noise during sex. I’m sure he thought he’d solved t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 06:13 PM
12

Let me tell you friend, the liberation is life-changing. Moving away from the city, being older, living in a place where it’s not as populated and people have manners - it’s a whole new world. I’ve completely changed the way I dress. I wear dresses, and shorts, hell I even wear dresses without shorts underneath them, because I know that no one is going to try to lift my dress up. I wear colors instead of all black, it’s so different. I wouldn’t move here just for that, but it sure is a sweet sid…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 04:22 PM
39

It’s not that they don’t understand the concept of taking a while to warm up to someone, it’s that they want you to validate them as so unique and special that you make an exception for them. Everyone wants to be the main character of a rom com, but no one wants to actually put in the effort to BECOME that guy who women swoon over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:44 PM
9

Got it. In the meantime, I would just assume that anything in this forum has the potential to trigger. Remember we’re all triggered here, all the time, otherwise we wouldn’t be here at all. It’s kind of like being in a club, no one’s unaffected here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:27 PM
3

How would you label this post as a trigger warning? What would that look like, to prevent you from being triggered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:17 PM
42

Growing up in NYC, street harassment started when I was about 15, and it would’ve been earlier had I not been extremely young looking. As I grew into adulthood, street harassment became workplace harassment, social setting harassment, and straight up groping in bars and crowds. Being female was enough, but I also had a very attention-getting look, despite always trying not to get attention. I never suppressed who I was to avoid it, but I probably would’ve dressed more flamboyantly if I hadn’t be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 02:10 PM
11

Literally everything in this forum that is a screen shot is potentially a trigger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 01:49 PM
40

He doesn’t hate female influencers any more than he hates all women, the problem is that female influencers have zero dimensionality, so they only have one thing that he needs to focus on. He’s a hammer, and if there’s more than one nail, he can’t drive his point home. But with women (women baaaad) who have only a single visible facet, then he doesn’t have to spread his already thin intellect across multiple arguing points, he gets to just hate all of her in a single thrust. Men who hate women r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 07:32 PM
39

Don’t forget that the men who are “just a little too stupid to predict that sending you a picture of another woman on their lap” are the same ones who tell you that you’ve thoughtfully and deliberately caused them great anguish by (fill in the blank of some random act, like you didn’t call them when you were accompanying your mother to the hospital) and you MUST have known how painful it would be for them, it’s a cruel woman they’ve been stuck with loving! Narcissists all, no matter the age. And…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 09:22 PM
6

The fuck? I was married to an alcoholic, had two LTR with musicians, many flings with bartenders and other nighttime denizens, and a variety of others between then and my now SO, who is outdoorsy/academically minded, and I have never once seen time-release stains, or any other kind of stains, aside from the junkie who pissed himself. What in the two-legged slug shittery is happening over there??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 05:12 PM
137

He thought it was a compliment to her, because he thought of it as a compliment to his dick, and her reason for existing is what it does for his dick, just like him. Men like this also think that any male attention is a compliment, and that porn sex is just sex on camera. ETA: there are too many men who think saying “you make my dick look good” is a compliment. Same goes for guys who think that things like “pounding” are just as good for her as he thinks it is for him. And “making her walk funny…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 10:58 PM
25

Haha no problem, it's not like anything happens when he's in there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 02:01 AM
51

You still learned it; not everyone does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 05:20 AM
34

Fuck, trigger warning please. This image will haunt me for the rest of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 04:50 AM
11

Haha yes, because ugly guys never send dick pics, or treat anyone badly, and I’ve definitely never met an ugly guy who thought he was as perfect as his mommy’s always told him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 01:33 PM
17

Bet you that 10/10 of these douchebags have plenty of foods that they flat out refuse to eat, but “I’m not picky, I just like what I like.” Toddlers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 09:38 PM
25

Brendan Fraser had mental health issues, and the medication caused a lot of bloating. I think that’s a perfectly acceptable reason to get fat. ETA: That reads more aggressive than it is in my head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 08:19 PM
32

I wish I could upvote this comment a thousand times. ​ Even as a fairly late developer, as a teen growing up in NYC, there were plenty of men and teenaged boys who were happy to harass my unfeminine body at 14, 15, 16. ​ At the age of 19, I started spending time in bars on the LES, and that brought a whole new level of pressure. Drunk men aren't typically less forward, or motivated by manners. I wound up in a lot of uncomfortable situations. ​ The difference in my story was that I was raised to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 04:23 PM
26

I have a few friends I tried to share some wisdom with.... ​ They aren't all receptive. ​ One friend, she's an absolute stunner. Let's say her name is Jan. Jan once caused a car accident by eating a popsicle while walking on a sidewalk. ​ Jan always chose extrEMELY LVM who treated her fine, but never took her seriously. She's an incredibly sweet person who really just wanted to be loved and cherished, but always settled for guys who wanted FB's or a side piece. I did point out that if she kept g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 09:15 PM
52

My response would always be simply “based on what?” Because what’s the response? 100% some variation on “You’re a woman.” Most guys, even LV, will try to avoid saying it, so it would at least be entertaining to watch them squirm. The upside is it would make them think twice about saying it to the next woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 01:13 PM
17

Don’t hesitate to exaggerate any feelings of fearfulness when you’re reporting his actions to management. If they’re going to underreact, might as well manipulate right back. I don’t mean “he has a knife!” kind of false statements, I mean if he makes you uncomfortable, and if you have even the slightest fear of him, EMPHASIZE that instead of glossing over it. We’re taught to not hurt anyone’s feelings, or downplay actual fear because we’re so accustomed to being viewed as “hysterical,” “dramatic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:27 AM
6

To be blunt, yes. To be specific about this particular detail of fetishism, the discussions I'm referring to were usually about encounters that were largely involving parties that were not raped, under the definition of law. And I don't mean "it's not rape because she was drunk/asked for it/is his wife" or any sexist/misogynist definition of rape. I mean that men (and women) often say things like "oh so he likes feet, let him touch, it's not like he's naked" or "so what, he can see you through t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:25 AM
23

Exactly. Even as a teenager, I’ve always been really vocal about how wrong it is to allow men to use you for sex when you’re not a willing participant. Most people thought I was nuts and being a prude, but fuck that, they’re shit. Do I know that men used my appearance to jerk off to? Yeah I mean duh, I walked around in six inch heels and vinyl leggings, obviously men had me in their spank bank. I also didn’t care. Does that mean anyone has permission to do it where I can be affected by it? Fuck …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 04:18 PM
105

The entitlement of men knows no bounds. I love how they all showed up out in the open, because they’re totally oblivious to the feelings of anyone else, particularly women. Fetishizing isn’t flattering, it’s literally dehumanizing. It’s not always physically aggressive, but it is 100% dismissive, and that makes it easier for the aggression to exist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 01:51 PM
46

I heart this extra so much. Don’t open an artery for a vampire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 04:38 AM
36

This just warms my heart to read. Keeping your energy for yourself and gifting it as YOU wish is a path to happiness and peace. I’ve seen my people spout wisdom on demand, because some garbage human wants to argue about anything a woman says, and it’s super frustrating to watch. Hate me? Hate feminism? My ideals? Kamala? Greta? Whales? Die mad about it, I couldn’t give less of a queef about you and your two-dimensional mamas-golden-boy opinions that you got from your circle-jerk friends at work,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 03:47 AM
6

My MIL is sweet to me, but apparently she’s a little nutty, and my guy manages her to minimize her impact on me, and us. He winds up yelling at her sometimes, but it’s when she gets super paranoid about non-existent boogeyman things that she wants us to stay inside for. She says some fear-mongering thing, he yells, she’s says “ok” and then they have a normal conversation. I think it’s hilarious. He once cut her off for a few weeks because she made some wild paranoid claim about us all dropping d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 02:09 AM
1

I’ve seen it, many times. But I’m in my 50’s and have dealt with a wide range of people, having grown up in NYC. There’s always someone ready to shit on someone’s ideals as failures.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:36 PM
4

Part of me wants to laugh. The other wants to weep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:33 PM
17

At least twice a day, I compose a well-thought out reply to posters on Reddit, and after a few minutes of internal debate, delete them instead of dealing with petulant baby responses from man-toddlers who hate me for existing. Being a woman is a burden that most men would expire from within a week. Wouldn’t trade it for the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 09:35 PM
11

I am a professional makeup artist, lol. And I could rant for days about how hateful men are about makeup! They hate makeup, but have them pick out a gift for their gf, and it’s red lipstick and black eyeliner EVERY FUCKING TIME. I also discourage women from buying into the myth of makeup being to attract attention or men. “No one needs makeup unless they’re in a studio situation” is a mantra. It’s not one that employers liked back when I worked in retail....but luckily I haven’t worked in retail…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 06:24 PM
15

I dislike my hairy legs, I prefer to be hairless. Kinda wish I hadn’t waxed my bikini line so much in the past, because now it’s patchy. So I’ll keep waxing the edges until it doesn’t grow back at all, and idgaf if it’s my first choice of not because it’s just hair. I don’t wish for bush (never had much to begin with) and I don’t wish to look like a plucked chicken, but here we are. I think it’s cute that my bf likes it when I trim it, but only because he honestly doesn’t give a shit whether I d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 05:21 PM
3

Because trash men always think that they’re that “diamond on the rough” that someone mentioned earlier today. That if they just got half a chance with a decent woman, they’d be motivated to lose weight, pick up a book, take a shower, and not kick puppies. They buy into the European model of unbearably hot chicks with fat old men in a Speedo, and tell themselves “well some chicks like it” as a reason to keep hoping. Disputing this in any way will also bring out anger immediately; and excellent to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:38 AM
62

You don’t have an anxious man problem, you have a lying man problem. My man has anxiety, he just doesn’t let it stop him from being a productive, responsible single dad with a clean home, clean, quiet children, a job, hobbies, friends, a side hustle, and a kick-ass girlfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:27 AM
151

That part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 06:00 PM
1

No, they don’t all watch porn. And get rid of him for lying repeatedly, it doesn’t have to be about porn specifically. (Although that’s part of it)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 05:36 AM
37

Never stop evaluating. That part right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:51 PM
45

It feels like they think that you must’ve just missed their efforts, and all you really need is a more blatant attempt. Or that they just aren’t capable of critical thinking, and think “well I’ll try again,” like a dog with a stick that’s wider than the doorway. They don’t really think about your side of it, honestly. They only see that they haven’t gotten what they want, so they have free rein to keep trying until they do. The idea that they won’t achieve the goal simply isn’t an option.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 01:17 AM
1

You’re doing the right thing, and eventually you’ll really feel it too. Better things are ahead for you, because you started to care about yourself. That’s great!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 12:52 AM
95

And probably a better date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 04:33 AM
8

Fuck her silly Fuck the shit out of her Pound that pussy Wreck that pussy Make her walk funny tomorrow Make her love me Make her scream No one ever says Put a smile on her face Make her day Inspire her to love me Make her life better Boost her ego Not often enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:42 AM
9

This right here. Shitty men hate these good guys because they put their bullshit on display.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:34 AM
16

24 years ago, I had just started dating the guy I would eventually marry, “John”. He took me to his friend’s apartment, where I also met “Larry,” his “smarty pants intellectual” friend. Over the years, John’s large group of friends became mine as well, with a lot of socializing. A lot of these guys were wild, world travelers, rock stars, etc. Some of them acted like good partners to their chicks back home, but were degenerates when they could. My husband, as shitty as he was a partner, never che…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:31 AM
3

Meeeeeeee too!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 11:35 PM
11

Oh we broke up a few years ago. Turns out he was dating someone else the whole two years, including while we lived together. Trash personified.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 11:32 PM
15

Reading this made me realize that me consistently saying no to his requests to come on my face coincided neatly with one of our stages of breaking up. Sweet. I couldn’t be luckier and smarter than to get away from that donkey and single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 11:27 PM
17

Same, I don’t get jealous. I also don’t “fight” for a man. “Trust me, if you want him, absolutely give it a shot. People can’t be stolen, so if you can get him, please keep him.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 06:14 AM
3

Where did I say I wanted to start a post? Again, I’ve been commenting - for several months, - and none of them ever got approved. Just like the person above me. Lo and behold, it worked for me too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 09:04 PM
3

Same, been here commenting for several months, haven’t gotten a single post through. I keep trying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 03:18 PM
61

And oppressive sexual behavior isn’t a kink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 11:58 PM
3

I read this comment on my way to watch, and was thinking “yeah sometimes satire is too subtle, and I need to be told too, I wonder if this is going to...oh, nope, not subtle.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 03:37 PM
2

The fact that anyone thinks that being “nice” means “be a doormat, say yes to anything, let them do whatever they want and make all the decisions” is a shortcoming of us as a people. Good for you for figuring it out.
/r/seduction22/05/20 03:36 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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