How do you all do it? And no, I don't mean what foundation you apply, or how you style your eyeliner, or what color eyeshadow you use - I mean, how do you do it, how do you reconcile slathering your face and body with products that have direct associations with the beauty industry (a name which I find so ironic because it wouldn't be able to make profits if people didn't feel ugly, or at least some degree of simply not being "as beautiful" as they potentially could, or beautiful enough), with the idea of being a woman who simply wants to express herself independent of the male gaze?

I find that I look "prettier" with conventional makeup on, but I know that this idea of "pretty" is largely shaped by heterosexual male preference and the beauty industry, which is saturated with scrotes and pickmes. Even when I do "unconventional" makeup that isn't typically "sexy," such as bold lip colors, bright eye palettes, and nose art (which are probably too eccentric and unattractive to the normal heterosexual man whose brain has been too fried by the makeup styles seen in porn, and so anything "artsy" like this is probably a turnoff), I still feel a bit uncomfortable, because even though I know that bold patterns and bright colors aren't exactly catering to male heterosexuality, it's nonetheless makeup, and the makeup industry, and the entire beauty industry, profit off of women shelling out hundreds or thousands of dollars into these practically useless products - hundreds or thousands of dollars that could otherwise be used for a productive/fulfilling hobby/skill, or to invest, or to save for retirement, etc.

Besides this dilemma, I feel like makeup culture in general is just plain misogynistic. If we do our hair and makeup, people judge us as more attractive, even though it's actually a very "fake" attractiveness that can only be achieved with product and labor. If we don't do our hair and makeup, and just do a basic skincare routine of cleanser, moisturizer, and SPF, we're suddenly "tired" or "sick," even though this is the default state of any regular human being. So many men are going about, not moisturizing, and not using sunscreen, but I guess that's normal, and therefore, somehow acceptable, so it confuses me as to why women are held to such a different standard.

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I've always disliked the beauty industry, but I've been having an especially hard time coping with all of this now because my boyfriend's mom owns an eyelash salon. His mom and dad were immigrants who came to this country dirt poor - the dad was an engineer who invested his savings until there was enough money to start up the mom's company, then the mom made it really big (first starting off with nails and now specializing in eyelashes), and because of her hard work, the family now has millions of dollars in assets and is living a very comfortable life, literally the epitome of the American Dream. I realize that without this salon business, my boyfriend's family could have never become so wealthy; that being said, I still have every right to hate fake nails (some of which are so horrendously long to the point that they're honestly impractical and unhygienic) and I still have every right to hate fake eyelashes (which, like fake nails, serve no actual function/purpose, and both of which remind me of porn culture, whether explicitly or through other avenues such as social media influencers). I still have every right to despise these things, but I honestly feel like I can't talk to my boyfriend about them because it could be misinterpreted as hating his mom for taking advantage of such a profitable business idea which just happens to be in the very industry that I have such a deep and burning hatred for. To be honest, I feel extremely frustrated. It's not just my boyfriend that I can't talk to about this - I can't talk to anyone that I know in real life when it comes to these issues, and it's an extraordinarily isolating and lonely path to walk down, when the only thing to keep you company is your own thoughts, since no one else seems to agree, or if they do agree, they just don't feel as strongly and passionately about these things as you do.

I know that some of you ladies might like nails and eyelashes for your own reasons, the same way that some of you ladies probably appreciate makeup as an art form, for example. I just feel like I'm constantly doing mental gymnastics in my head because fake long nails and fake long eyelashes literally wouldn't exist without misogynistic beauty standards and porn culture, so how can I not hate them? And yet my boyfriend's mom, a successful and powerful businesswoman, literally grew her wealth this way, so how can I blame her for making money, even if it was "at the expense" of other women shelling out cash for nails and eyelashes?

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I feel the same way about the first part of my post as well - I'm constantly doing mental gymnastics, wondering how in the world it's possible to truly wear makeup "for ourselves" - and I think the reason I can never seem to come to a happy conclusion is because, deep down, I know that no matter how much we try to convince ourselves that it's really "just for us," nothing really is, when it comes to beauty. What we perceive as beautiful, is shaped by our experiences throughout our entire childhood and adulthood. What we perceive as pretty, is shaped by our culture and our society. What we perceive as attractive, is warped by toxic beauty standards and porn culture, whether we like it or not, and whether we consciously realize it or not, and yes, we can fight it, but it takes years of unlearning, and years of unconditioning. We can delude ourselves all day long, saying that we do it because we genuinely enjoy it, independent of mankind, and doing it truly for the empowerment of womankind, but the pessimist in me (just kidding, what I meant to say is, the realist) highly doubts this. I'm sure all of you ladies have read this quote by Atwood many times by now, but it seems to ring especially true for such a topic as this, for "even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”