I've seen a couple of posts lately about not dating, or at least not making concessions for, men who have anxiety. Here's one more reason this all too common character trait should give you pause.

It might not be anxiety after all. Or the anxiety may be a symptom of a much bigger problem.

My recent ex had anxiety along with a few other mental health issues. On our first date, his hands were shaky. He wrote it off as nerves and I believed him. When meeting my parents for the first time, he also had the shakes. There were a handful of occasions where we'd be out in public and he'd suddenly have to leave because he was on the verge of an anxiety attack. Sometimes he'd have to cancel on me because his anxiety was just so strong that day. Or he'd make it to my place and suddenly be too anxious to do anything other than cuddle in my bed.

But it turned out that his problem wasn't anxiety so much as severe fucking alcoholism that nearly killed him. And to this guy's credit, he did finally wake up and get sober. But the damage to me and our relationship has been done.

Before him, I was with someone who was agoraphobic and had avoidant personality disorder - or so he told me. We never went anywhere, because he was too shy to do much of anything beyond watch a movie or play games together. Long story short, he turned out to be the most selfish, entitled partner I've ever had. I would later learn he was actually diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. He later married and went on to abuse his wife emotionally, physically, sexually, and financially. (She divorced him and we all had a nice party afterwards)

Men have a saying: "Don't stick your dick in crazy." You have every right to be just as selective as men and more. That "anxiety" in a man has the risk of being only the tip of the iceberg. Best case scenario, you end up doing all the heavy lifting in a relationship because your man is too anxious to make a serious decision. Worst case, that anxiety is masking something even worse.