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g_e_m_anscombe Archive

View 11 posts and 567 comments by g_e_m_anscombe on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I’m sorry but I am also Catholic. Your husband cheated on you before you were even married. He lied and deceived you. Would you have even married him if you’d known he was having sex with someone else? Per the canon law of the Catholic Church, you have excellent reason to seek and be granted an annulment. That is to say, you were never married before the eyes of God because you made your vow with the understanding that your “husband” was faithful and intended to be faithful. It strongly appears …
/r/RedPillWives12/11/24 09:52 PM
5

implied consent This. All other things being equal, we should generally want to have sex with each other. And the bar for not wanting to have sex has to be pretty high for me to turn down my husband. It can’t just be this mysterious “I’m not in the mood.” I turned my husband down on Friday night; he was a bit disgruntled as I gave a more vague - I’m not feeling so hot. A few hours later, I ended up puking throughout the night after he went to bed. That’s about how bad it has to be for my mood to…
/r/RedPillWives25/11/19 03:23 AM
1

I think u/teaandtalk’s comment is the most helpful. I would also suggest that maybe the answer isn’t you going into a better paid job, but perhaps just managing your family’s money better? My husband recently developed a mysterious eye problem that required him to go on disability. Disability doesn’t fully cover his pay, and we weren’t sure exactly how long it would take for him to recover. Nobody wants to hear that the primary breadwinner may be permanently out of work (or worse) when the other…
/r/RedPillWives08/11/19 01:59 AM
1

This is sort of stream of consciousness. I'm sorry, not sure how relevant it will all be to you. I cheaped out on the photographer and our wedding ended up being the last family gathering we had before my grandfather passed away. Unfortunately the quality of the family photo was poor, and that makes me a little sad. I found it very hard through the wedding planning process to figure out what would be a Christ honoring amount to spend. We do try, as an act of generosity, to always tip vendors wel…
/r/RPChristians07/11/19 07:49 PM
2

So I read your other post. I think the biggest change I see here is also that you moved to a foreign country and now work together in such a way that you also have disagreements in the office. For a time I worked in an office environment with my husband where he was the lead on the project I was also assigned too. We discovered that we do NOT work well together in an office environment even though we love each other otherwise. There was another married couple in the office that regularly worked …
/r/RedPillWives23/10/19 05:41 AM
1

I've heard this theology before. It's dangerous. The talks in our area emphasize things like taking feedback from your boss as a means of improving your own character, which sounds pretty much like what you describe. Submit to my boss's authority, even if it violates my own better senses. This is the biblical solution. It is not for me to undermine those God has placed in authority over my life. If I follow their advice and it blows up, that's on them. You just have to document your objections a…
/r/askRPC22/10/19 11:13 PM
1

Had a busy week with the house hunt so I've been less on top of OYS. Just wanted to reply to this. My parents were the same way as far as not wanting to move or accept help - "We're doing fine".....until they weren't and needed to move in with my wife and I. The problem is that they have a high conflict marriage and they try to drag us into their controlling ways. We can tolerate his parents independently, but it's not really feasible for us to live with both of them. I got a dose of it during t…
/r/RPChristians22/10/19 09:49 PM
1

Thank you for sharing this. I've been meditating on what you wrote before responding, as I think you're right that my husband feels some element of this. at the end of the day I'm still getting my check. His personal opinions of me don't matter as long as I keep getting that check - that's what his role is in my life. I think that's what my husband feels guilty about; he wants to feel more nobility about his work. He's been getting spiritual direction from Opus Dei, which emphasizes work as a pa…
/r/askRPC14/10/19 07:30 PM
1

Any reason you would not be willing to move to a LCOL area? It would certainly be less financial stress for your husband, especially since you could pay for a house in cash. He may also be able to find a job he likes better which would improve your marriage as well. Our families both live in a HCOL area 400 miles away. His parents are ~70 and they all refuse to entertain the prospect of moving (out of the area or into a retirement home). His only siblings are secret half siblings from his mother…
/r/RPChristians14/10/19 06:09 PM
1

That's exactly what we were doing last week that was what I prioritized over doing my OYS. No penalty CD with our credit union. I don't expect to time the market perfectly. But we live in the Bay Area which is an extremely unusual housing market. It more closely resembles areas like Toronto (which have continued to grow with only short lulls). We have enough saved to enter the market but only if we catch it at a low and find a very good opportunity that makes it better to buy than to rent. Husba…
/r/RPChristians11/10/19 10:30 PM
1

The teenager stuff was kind of a joke. You know, you go round the dinner table. Dad: how was school? Teen: fine Mom: how’d that test go? Teen: fine There’s a sullenness to it, if that makes sense. I would tease him about it gently, but I think it would be a sore spot. I think he feels like he is trying his best to put on a brave face in spite of overwhelming stupidity at work. I don’t feel like I’m momma-ing him, more like being a place to talk and discuss. The feminine red pill stuff explains o…
/r/askRPC10/10/19 11:18 PM
1

I have asked him but he sometimes gets annoyed, as if I should already just know. I think it might be a timing issue; he doesn’t want to process it over dinner maybe. Hence why I’m trying to figure out how to draw out conversation about his day at work without focusing on the one negative thing that’s bugging him.
/r/askRPC10/10/19 11:00 PM
1

I don’t feel like I have to manage his emotions per se. I can just tell that he is struggling with work and can’t talk about it as well because he’s taking this stuff too personally. A typical conversation over dinner sometimes feels like I’m talking to a polite teenager. Husband: how was your day? Me: it was good (example) or challenging (example) Husband: appropriate response Me: how was your day? Husband: Hard. Me: what was hard about it? And then he will deflect (teenager) or give some examp…
/r/askRPC10/10/19 06:35 PM
1

Eh, there is more to heaven and earth than what we might imagine. Again, best to NOT imagine and dwell on images that conjure lust. You can never know for sure 100% until you die. The way that you have framed things here seems plausible - that she would delete to close that chapter of your life. But it could also be that she was afraid and keen to hide the truth. You’ve been dating six months. You should be heading toward making a decision about whether you want her as your first mate. This shou…
/r/askRPC10/10/19 05:16 PM
2

That seems right. If you game your wife for a few nights without the expectation it will lead to sex, she’s more likely to want it when you initiate fully. You can also do things that are very obviously sexual but that flip the script. “I want you to take off on your clothes and lie on top of me, but only if YOU agree you won’t have sex with me afterward.” “I’m just squeezing your butt because I Iike it. Don’t get any ideas now about sex! I’m too busy.”
/r/RPChristians10/10/19 04:59 PM
1

As a convert and woman, I could see myself saying "we did everything" but really meaning "we did anything." That would include any physical touching in a sexual way that fell short of PIV intercourse. Honestly, one tries to avoid too much graphic detail as it can cause the other person to visualize, etc, which isn't healthy for future relationships. One of the challenges of having a less straightforward spiritual journey is that there's not really a guide for how to disclose ambiguous things; on…
/r/askRPC10/10/19 03:14 PM
1

Some of this me getting to a point where I’m not ego invested in getting a yes. That seems right. How are you doing on kino, etc.?
/r/RPChristians10/10/19 02:55 PM
5

The problem with "naturals" who pick up on things quickly is they rarely become great at anything because they could skip over the truly mastering the fundamentals. Story of my life right here. I think that's part of God's crazy logic where the first shall be last and the last shall be first.
/r/RPChristians10/10/19 06:56 AM
1

I told him I wanted to discuss it together with his recruiter and get his input as well, since it would involve submitting a request for a date change and could affect his job selection. Please keep this in prayer. I'll be praying for this. It also sounds like the sort of thing that a headstrong young man best learns from the experience of a recruiter telling him and/or experiencing the consequences, rather than from his father warning him off. I don't know if that helps at all?
/r/RPChristians10/10/19 06:15 AM
1

Background / Stats: 29 years old, 5'7" 140ish pounds, breastfeeding mom of 12 month old at home with thyroid problems and severe food allergies, husband stressed by job and is in recovery from a mysterious eye ailment. Back after having taken a break last week. Husband went back to work last Thursday and things have been going well. He actually seems to LIKE his job more now because people have to come meet with him in person, as he has a doctor's note saying he only gets 1 hour of screen time a…
/r/RPChristians10/10/19 06:12 AM
5

how blatantly obvious it is, is that the same principles are true of men in regard to attraction. This. This is why it’s important that all humans are alike. My husband is an outlier who doesn’t look at porn (for which I am grateful!) but I don’t expect him to pretend that he never finds another woman attractive ever. But I also view part of my role as a wife as providing a healthy sex life that makes it easier for him to stay faithful, to avoid the temptation to commit adultery mentally. In the…
/r/RPChristians08/10/19 12:03 AM
3

I've heard very good things about Colorado. Even though you may not want to live in the city, there are a lot of up and coming cities which might have good construction gigs for your husband. Plenty of mountains, water, nature, etc.
/r/RedPillWives02/10/19 11:26 PM
1

It sounds like you need to make a plan to figure out how to accomplish that dream. Does your wife also want to leave the area? It’s hard after having some storms to get the ship headed back the right direction. Just a thought but maybe if you can enlist your wife’s help in getting the kids to be more obedient, she would be obedient too? There’s this book I read called 1-2-3 Magic that’s about raising kids and getting them to be more respectful. As your kids age, you basically start giving them e…
/r/RPChristians26/09/19 09:12 PM
1

So far I only have a list of hobbies I want to do and a desire to not live where I live right now. Hardly a mission. Why don't you want to live where you currently live? What would moving accomplish for you? I truly love my wife, but I don’t like her a lot of the time. She doesn’t like herself. Nobody likes her when she’s got her game-face off and she doesn’t wear the mask around me or the kids. Her being miserable and nasty makes me not want to do anything at all because I don't like being arou…
/r/RPChristians26/09/19 05:11 PM
1

Assurance of Salvation 9/10. My marriage is the most tangible way that God is speaking to me. I am excited to let Him work through me. There is and has been much suffering and I see how much Christ and His Mother are rooting for me, Quiet Time/Devotional 8-9/10 I do the office and Lauds every day with 15 minutes of the Jesus Prayer in silence. I invite my wife to join me. 9/10 times she is fully involved. This week she only joined me three times, This is awesome! It sounds like you're doing a gr…
/r/RPChristians26/09/19 05:07 PM
1

OYS - Background: Roman Catholic, one baby 11 months, married 3 years, husband has mysterious eye ailment. This feels like more of a field report than an OYS, but all progress this week was by the grace of God. It’s been a very cursed/blessed week. The first half was hell and then the fog cleared and we both have great hope now. Listening: Husband had exploratory surgery/biopsy on Friday. We hired someone to watch the baby for a few hours on Sat/Sun. I’d been having insomnia for several days, an…
/r/RPChristians26/09/19 04:58 PM
1

He ended up starting the next morning with a conversation about dreams, which is one of the exercises from the Gottman book. He said that it was helpful for him to frame things around what our dreams are and how we can accomplish those dreams. So I'm glad that he is finding the book helpful and is able to take the lead in initiating conversations with the book as a guide. As we've talked over the course of the day, he admitted that this tension was the reason he is concerned that I'm lazy: he's …
/r/RPChristians22/09/19 07:04 AM
2

OYS Physical: 3-4x last week Baby has been teething this week so sleep is subpar. Husband's changing steroid doses have also been causing him to have rough sleep. We've been catching up with naps instead. I have been doing a little bit of exercise with the baby doing pushups and lifts. Emotional: Stopping the Hamster Ball. I don't even know where to begin. Last night, my husband went out for drinks with a friend. He stayed out until 11pm and came home to talk. He said "I feel like you and y's wi…
/r/RPChristians19/09/19 03:39 PM
2

Haha, yes. Agreed.
/r/RedPillWives19/09/19 03:00 PM
7

I think this is one of the reasons that long-distance is generally inadvisable. It is very easy to say the right things online and then to discover that someone is very different offline. There is a reason that texting should be primarily for logistics - you want to build your feelings off of your experiences in person together. If you are feeling this way four months in, he is not a suitable captain for you.
/r/RedPillWives19/09/19 05:00 AM
1

Yeah, both of your responses to the fitness tests came across as validation seeking. It’s hard to figure some of this stuff out because our roles are so ill-defined now. In the end, the household runs most efficiently and smoothly when everyone in it knows their role and feels respected for it. As a comparison point, I love it when my husband takes care of our daughter when he gets home from work. I don’t love it if it’s half-assed so I would be better off not relying on him. I don’t love it whe…
/r/RPChristians18/09/19 11:32 PM
1

> Yes, he can share responsibility. No, she doesn't get to dictate the terms of how he does that. I think that's right. OP needs to settle some reasonable expectations about who is doing what and when.
/r/RPChristians18/09/19 04:24 PM
1

I was asking more to get OP to really think about it himself. He asked if he passed, but it was a bit hard to pick out what the fitness test was in the wall of text. It seems to me that there were two fitness tests: one in the middle of the night, which OP failed because in response to his wife's bad attitude, he did something for her (vs he could have gotten up immediately and dealt with it or he could have let her do it even with a bad attitude). Then in the morning, he rewarded her with extra…
/r/RPChristians18/09/19 07:11 AM
3

Maybe I’m obtuse, but what do you think the fitness test was here?
/r/RPChristians17/09/19 02:27 PM
1

Mean price of a house in LA is $750k. Down payment is $150k. Mean could be skewed by very luxury places - perhaps the mode is 500k? That’s all to say, LA is high COL area even for the basics of family life.
/r/RPChristians16/09/19 10:17 PM
1

Wow, sorry to hear your husband is still dealing with the eye problem. I'm still praying for both of you. Is the biopsy related? Yes. All of the blood tests came back negative. The biopsy will indicate whether any of the blood tests were false negatives for things like autoimmune problems or potentially for cancer. The most probable diagnosis is basically medicalese for "your eyes are inflamed and we have no idea why." If that's the case, he will most likely need to be on a course of steroids fo…
/r/RPChristians16/09/19 05:05 AM
3

if it's LA, then you've really got to go above and beyond due to pretty much everyone being in top physical shape all the time. I would also add: 30k is like 20% of a down payment for a house in LA. It’s nothing to sneeze at, by any means, but that would be a full down payment someplace else. Financial stuff like that is also, well, it’s good to have in a husband. But people in Southern California tend to value having very nice homes, very nice cars, etc. If you don’t have those things, you will…
/r/RPChristians16/09/19 04:46 AM
2

But the red pilled man bears a heavier brunt of the load and we shouldn't passively assume his wife handles everything for the kids and the house and all he does is work. That's likely true of most blue pilled marriages, though, as the husband hasn't taken ownership of his house and kids yet. That seems to me a big part of it: if you’re owning a lot of the decisions in the household, you’re taking on some of the mental load. It also seems to me that the ages of the kids matter quite a lot, but y…
/r/RPChristians13/09/19 10:04 PM
1

Background: Married 3 years, have young baby. Have food allergies and autoimmune condition. Husband is stressed by work, and now on short-term disability due to an eye condition. PHYSICAL: We're working on scheduling a biopsy on husband; the doctor is booked out through December but the scheduler said my husband could get in sooner depending on the urgency. I went back onto LDN to help regulate my thyroid antibodies and it seems to be helping my mental state as well. So things feel a bit more st…
/r/RPChristians11/09/19 04:43 PM
1

I highly encourage you to go: StopTheThyroidMadness.com I have read it before, and did find some of it helpful. The one doctor that I continue to work with is closer to this stuff, focusing on adrenal support and cortisol, etc. I've tried a slew of different supplements and things, and very few seemed to help. Part of the reason I think my husband has been frustrated with me is that I tried a bunch of different supplements and went to a bunch of different doctors during our first 2 years of marr…
/r/RPChristians08/09/19 03:43 PM
1

​ You probably know all of this already but I'll ask anyway: are you getting enough water and electrolytes? Yes, regarding water and electrolytes. I think the storm was induced by poor sleep and strategizing about a stressful situation with my in-laws. During their visit, my husband said something to his mother that triggered a cascade of events which means we will be playing defense instead of offense over the holidays when we go down to visit. I am going to sacrifice time with my family over T…
/r/RPChristians08/09/19 03:38 PM
2

Ramsey is for the financially illiterate, but the financially savvy can do much, much better ignoring him. I picked up Ramsey my first year out of college when I had zero debt and was just starting out. I had a very prudent pastor who realized that his rapidly growing congregation was largely students and grad students, who would be graduating and needed to learn how to manage their finances (and likely pay off loads of student debt) before they would be able to support the church financially. A…
/r/RPChristians08/09/19 03:24 PM
1

Agreed! There is also some debate about whether it should be before tax or after tax. Honestly, I think anywhere is a good place to start, and you should let the Holy Spirit convict you from there.
/r/RPChristians05/09/19 04:08 PM
3

Physical: I’m currently having a thyroid storm - where I develop symptoms of hyper and hypothyroidism simultaneously (so my feet are crazy cold and I’m extremely hungry but not gaining weight). I managed to put up blackout curtains this week to help with sleep and got back on some meds that help manage the anxiety that the thyroid storm produces. Husband and I also got our daughter back on her reflux meds that help her sleep better through the night, which has helped me get better sleep as well.…
/r/RPChristians04/09/19 09:43 PM
1

Agreed.
/r/RedPillWives02/09/19 09:12 PM
1

You’re right in your read on OP’s post. U/teaandtalk asked good questions and didn’t just validate her feelings. I also laid out what her options are without saying to simply divorce him or that it is all his fault and asked her to try to learn from the experience. But when confronted with an issue as severe as repeated infidelity while pregnant; man, I don’t blame OP for being self-centered for a bit. She can’t stay there forever for sure, but this is a most extreme example that will require mu…
/r/RedPillWives02/09/19 03:52 PM
1

I don’t think this is a particularly charitable response. We don’t know if OP’s husband also said he was on board for a large family during the vetting process. People can also change - he could have become a sex addict over time. I agree that OP’s is a cautionary tale, I just wonder - of what? Should she have gone back to work after kid #2 and the first episode of cheating? Should she have given up on her marriage the first time cheating happened? Your response bothers me because I don’t think …
/r/RedPillWives02/09/19 05:33 AM
1

I can’t think of very many truly traditional women who view cheating as OK. Traditional women care about their families and their kids, and cheating just throws a giant stick of dynamite into everything. The challenge is that if you have many kids and don’t work, it’s hard to risk becoming effectively a single mother. I think what’s hard for me to understand is how it gets so bad that cheating happens. I get an emotional affair with a coworker - I could get over that reasonably. But I don’t get …
/r/RedPillWives02/09/19 05:24 AM
1

I’m not sure what the family laws are like in Canada, but I know in the US, distance matters more than the state. Basically, you can’t move so far away that it’s prohibitive for one parent to see the kids. Prohibitive is hard to define and includes factors such as how many assets your family has. This is why consulting with an attorney who has experience would be helpful.
/r/RedPillWives01/09/19 02:39 PM
3

I don’t want to sound blame-y here but as a RPW you are supposed to consider the ways you may have contributed to this problem. (Note that’s not just because you want to play the blame game, but because if you don’t recognize your role, you are likely to make the same mistakes repeatedly.) You said that you found the account earlier years ago, but that you’ve also regularly snooped. What made you suspicious all the other times you snooped? Why did you choose to snoop then instead of discussing? …
/r/RedPillWives01/09/19 06:49 AM
19

Your example is the reason feminism exists as it does today. You cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change. You can only set boundaries for what you will or won’t tolerate. Feminism exists so that women like you don’t have to suffer at the hands of your husband’s poor leadership. Your options are: 1. Talk to a lawyer and make plans to leave ASAP. Know that you will likely be stuck raising your kids alone. 2. Suck it up and never mention it. Accept your husband as is and know that you run …
/r/RedPillWives31/08/19 10:58 PM
2

Thank you. Praise be to God! The new medication from the doctor seems to be helping, and husband has a note so he won't be working for the next two weeks.
/r/RPChristians30/08/19 01:41 AM
1

It sounds like you had worked out that about your mother before you met your husband though, right? That’s very different than someone who is still in the process of working it out.
/r/RedPillWives29/08/19 08:14 PM
3

I’m going to say there are MANY red flags to me here. You also have been dating for what? 2 months? 3? 1) They disapprove of anyone who isn’t Russian. You can be nice and learn how to cook a few Russian dishes, but in the end, they will never accept you as the BEST woman for their son because you can never be what they want. (Of course they want the perfect woman who will submit to her husband because then she will submit to them too!) 2) You have a tendency to put up with more than you should. …
/r/RedPillWives29/08/19 08:11 PM
3

Requesting prayer this week. I’ve been having a thyroid storm and husband has had to go to the doctor twice due to an eye infection that is only getting worse.
/r/RPChristians29/08/19 05:43 PM
1

So I realize that I personally find it disrespectful to the chef to assume it needs x before you have even tasted it. (My husband likes A LOT of salt but it’s been hard to gauge exactly what qualifies as the right amount of salt, and if he eats without trying, I feel like he has just given up on my ever being able to please him.) I would tolerate that from my husband, so long as it weren’t in front of the kids. To be fair, we’ve had more food challenges due to my food allergies. I cook food for …
/r/RPChristians28/08/19 11:14 PM
3

I do some college admissions counseling work. 10/10 here! Quality post. Question: say someone does decide they want to get in, but doesn’t have the money? Lots of places seem to run their financial aid programs like it’s funny money. You have a “scholarship from the school” and FAFSA loans but you’re still stuck with $20,000+ debt to pay off at graduation time.
/r/RPChristians28/08/19 09:45 PM
1

That seems right to me. If it’s a transaction, assertiveness is appropriate because you should expect to get what you asked for. And it’s clear if you’re the company, then you should graciously accept the food. What about in your own home?
/r/RPChristians28/08/19 04:34 PM
1

Why is it bull?
/r/RPChristians28/08/19 12:42 PM
3

It sounds like you made the right decision to protect your family from being overcommitted. Good work! Your woman’s hamster thinks - “If he can’t stand up for himself - how can I trust him to stand up for me and our family?” Is the woman's hamster wrong on that point? I also wonder: do you think she would have reacted the same way if you had said assertively, "An adult eats what is served even if the cook doesn't do it perfectly right"?
/r/RPChristians28/08/19 10:35 AM
2

All the problems you have highlighted are very real. I can say this: if you start pursuing guys, you run the very real risk of intimidating them and turning them away. That may teach you something, too. Are you in college? I found one of the challenges in college was that most of the men you meet are the same age as you and so they are often immature relatively speaking. There's a gap where most guys who are out of college don't want to date girls still in college at church. Once you've graduate…
/r/askRPC28/08/19 08:44 AM
5

I just watched the movie My Fair Lady and I think Audrey Hepburn really exudes femininity. Not that you have to start saying “HOW do you DO?” But my husband and I both commented that she has a certain charm to her. Perhaps you could watch her movies? As for more vintage type dresses, you can check out ModCloth. You don’t need MANY dresses, you just need one that’s really nice.
/r/RedPillWives27/08/19 01:53 PM
1

What is a problem for you may be a blessing for someone else. I'm sure there are women's shelters that could use a mattress. Why not ask, and let them make the call on whether to take it or not? (1) A lot of shelters and donation places do not take mattresses anymore because of concern about bedbugs. (2) Many of the charities in our area won't do pickups; the mattress doesn't fit into our car so it's easiest to just get rid of it. (3) It took me so long to figure out that it was the mattress bei…
/r/RPChristians24/08/19 04:18 PM
1

Ah, yes, I think that is the right thing to do. Unfortunately my husband is a man of many words and desires. When I point out that he has impossibly conflicting desires, he ends up telling me to just ignore something that he's said and to forget it. Well, I can't really do that either because then I don't respect him? So I'm in a pickle. He likes to overcommit and underdeliver, but then I feel I can't trust him for what I need. So I'm trying to teach him to weigh tradeoffs so that he thinks more…
/r/RPChristians23/08/19 12:27 AM
2

You know, I considered responding to this and realized I was getting defensive when I need to practice my assertiveness. No, I don't want to do a lowkey party. I have my reasons. I don't care what the grandparents want. It doesn't matter. I'm not making assumptions about my husband; I am making a judgment based on his actions, previously expressed goals, and his facial expressions.
/r/RPChristians22/08/19 09:41 PM
3

John Goldingay gives some helpful historical context in his book Genesis for Everyone, Part 1. "Genesis is recognizing the extraordinary nature of the process whereby a man leaves his parents and starts a new commitment to a woman. Actually in the Old Testament a man does not usually do that. A woman leaves her family and joins her husband's. Perhaps that is the point of the comment. In a literal sense a man does not leave home when he marries but brings his wife to his parents' house, or at lea…
/r/RPChristians22/08/19 08:30 PM
1

Background: Married 3 years, have young baby. Have food allergies and autoimmune condition. Husband is stressed by work. Reading: Not Just Good but Beautiful an anthology; Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; Seven Guitars by August Wilson Finished: Sink Reflections by Maria Cilley (Flylady) PHYSICAL: Stats: 28 years old, 5'7", 140ish pounds, BMI: 21.9 - very satisfied with this as a breastfeeding mom. Sleep: Routines were abysmal over the weekend, but anticipated given the in-law visit. 6…
/r/RPChristians22/08/19 08:16 PM
6

Thank you for your kind words. I ended up deciding that it wasn't worth fighting to be a part of that conversation (though I do wonder sometimes?). I ended up spending more time over at Red Pill Christians instead, because I think Christianity provides a more frame that serves the interest of men and women (no fap, no porn, waiting until marriage, etc.). I wanted to respect that Red Pill Wives does have a secular aspect, but I'm not sure how else you get the right frame. I'm still figuring it ou…
/r/RedPillWives21/08/19 10:36 PM
16

So I’m going to take a stab at explaining some of it. Admittedly, I got banned by RedPillWomen, so... this might be biased. I think they would say it was for something along the lines of not being nice or kind. In truth, I got weary of every post over there being a variation on “halp! I want to know how to do x stereotypically feminine thing that men don’t care about” or “halp! I’m having sex and living together before marriage what do I do?” Any time I suggested that this was less than RP or su…
/r/RedPillWives21/08/19 09:37 PM
2

This seems on the money to me, but I'm still "faking" how to apply it from the other side... ​ Living in any frame other than your own is "not alpha." Focus on internalization and stick to your own frame - which if you are abiding in Christ is synonymous with his frame. How do you reconcile these two statements? How would you respond to the criticism that being Christian is inherently "beta" because it's NOT your frame, it's Christ's?
/r/RPChristians20/08/19 06:43 PM
2

My husband's parents just reclaimed their ottoman and my husband lamented its loss despite the fact that he admittedly enjoys the baby having her playpen in the living room instead. I'm thinking of trying an ottoman storage box instead that can rest on one side as an end table when not in use.
/r/RedPillWives19/08/19 09:43 PM
3

I think their sense of humor and sense of perseverance makes up a bit for the clichéd marriage-is-hard mantra; given how much people learn from Instagram nowadays, it's easy to think that no one else has problems. I also suspect that they had a vetting problem. Kristen Bell may have won her bad boy and convinced him to marry her willingly, but she finds it HARD work to tame him into being a responsible father. It was her choice and she seems to be handling it alright. In the end, I think he also…
/r/RedPillWives19/08/19 09:39 PM
3

He said low self-esteem everywhere else and irrational confidence when it comes to relationships. I think a lot of people are like that, displaying one trait in certain parts of life and being the opposite in other areas.
/r/RedPillWives19/08/19 09:22 PM
2

Jehovah Jireh! I forgot that yesterday was a day of holy obligation and he had decided to take it off from work. So I waited until he had a bit of a mental break and then brought him over to the pocket door with the list. I just said, "so, here's why I'm having trouble being obedient. We said that we would say no to everything extra until we've hit our goals on prayer / sleep / and trust (which is yet undefined). But in the past few days, you've told me that I should do all of these things (big …
/r/RPChristians17/08/19 12:10 AM
1

That seems to be a good compromise.
/r/RedPillWives16/08/19 08:16 PM
4

I read through the House That Cleans Itself and I found it to be a good guide in how to decorate in such a way that it’s tidy. Marie Kondo has like one line about this in her book that’s something like “you want to make things easy to put away by putting them in around the same spot, not just easy to take out!” For me I realized I don’t have the patience for dusting knick knacks. I also can’t figure out where I want to clean first if there’s too many things around. So I got rid of almost all of …
/r/RedPillWives16/08/19 07:55 PM
5

My husband is not like most husbands. He has an opinion on everything. When we got engaged and I wanted to start planning our bedroom decor, we got in the biggest fight over a pillow. True story. Same thing here. Fortunately we mostly agree! The problem comes when he thinks he wants one thing but actually wants another, and I’m tasked with sorting it out.
/r/RedPillWives16/08/19 07:19 PM
3

Ask yourself who YOU want to be and what YOU want your marriage / future life to look like. What would life be like with this guy? Do you want to raise your children in the church? Do you want to embark on that project alone? Do you want to go to Mass by yourself every Sunday if he says you can’t bring the kids along? Do you want a husband who will encourage you to be more like Jesus? Will you be OK if he never converts? Scripture is clear about what the prudent answer is and others have cited i…
/r/RPChristians14/08/19 11:32 PM
2

Background: Married 3 years, have young baby. Have food allergies and autoimmune condition. Husband is stressed by work. Reading: Not Just Good but Beautiful an anthology; Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work; Flylady ​ PHYSICAL: Stats: 28 years old, 5'7", 140ish pounds, BMI: 21.9 - very satisfied with this as a breastfeeding mom. Sleep: Has been better but the situation is still pretty fragile. In-laws are visiting this weekend and I'm not looking forward to how that messes with our sleep.…
/r/RPChristians14/08/19 09:11 PM
1

Thank you for this reply! Reading Laura Doyle was sort of unhelpful. Like if I say "ouch" and he tells me to stop hurting, what then? A mantra sounds like a good idea. I just have to be better at catching it VERY early that we're getting into this hostile pattern and drop the mantra. It's easier when we aren't traveling because then there IS a clear safe list. I'm looking forward to the next few months of 0 travel. He is going on a bachelor trip in Sept.
/r/RedPillWives14/08/19 09:07 PM
1

How are you achieving less mess?
/r/RedPillWives14/08/19 08:49 PM
6

I don’t enjoy cleaning but we waste a lot of time looking for stuff if things don’t belong in a certain place. In the end my goal is that the house is organized well enough and can be easy enough to keep clean so that our kids can help manage a lot of it.
/r/RedPillWives14/08/19 02:24 PM
1

So if you read between the lines, what I think he's trying to say is that he wants more sex but he can't argue the point with logic because your arguments are better. So he tries to go for "your heart is in the wrong place" to appeal to the emotional side of things, but that isn't working either. I think it really boils down to the fact that he wants more sex, and he's tired of abstaining for long periods of time. I think he simultaneously wants to be a good husband who puts his wife's needs abo…
/r/RPChristians14/08/19 06:25 AM
1

So that’s precisely the disagreement that we are having - for the Catholic, NFP can never be contraceptive because you are never having sex while preventing life from being formed as a result of the sexual union. We both agree on this intellectually. He is basically saying that my heart is in the wrong place, I’m following the letter of the law but not the spirit of it, etc. I would be more sympathetic to this IF he ever said any of it when we weren’t abstaining; instead he just feels really dou…
/r/RPChristians14/08/19 12:50 AM
2

I am going to avoid making comments about his family this month. I am starting by not explaining why that’s so hard.
/r/RedPillWives11/08/19 08:16 PM
1

So is it actually about having a child for him, or is it more about the having to abstain part? It’s obvious to me that it’s the abstaining part, but he thinks it’s about the having a child part. He is now shifting the boundary because he is engaging in hostile negotiation tactics. Before we got married, I said I wanted to have 3-4 biological kids and maybe adopt 1-2. He said he wanted to have 5-6. I said, given my family history it’s very likely that we’ll end up with 10 unless we use NFP. He a…
/r/RPChristians10/08/19 06:14 PM
1

I normally use iCloud! When I noticed my phone was missing, baby was asleep and I didn’t want to risk waking her with the alert. By the morning the phone was dead. iCloud showed the phone was last in the apartment and has a time stamp. I didn’t leave the apartment and we turned everything over looking for it. It really is a total mystery. Daughter can sit for 10 min without me sometimes, but it’s very unpredictable about whether she will cry after 2 min or 10 or 15. I cannot pray through her cry…
/r/RPChristians10/08/19 03:50 PM
1

It sounds like she gets sidetracked easily. There can be a certain gift in that (one can be more hospitable for example) but it can create a certain chaos especially with small children. I’ve been finding the book Sidetracked Home Executives helpful, but it’s a whole system you really have to commit to; it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Alternatively you could try watching the first episode of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix - a much lower bar but that might give you some ideas for your fam…
/r/RPChristians09/08/19 08:23 PM
1

It’s a joke! As were the earlier comments. She has a wooden book she chews on. She is 10 months old.
/r/RPChristians09/08/19 08:03 PM
1

I also offered to let her go play outside by herself but she refuses to make friends! Her current best redeeming quality is that she does devour books - alas, she does not appreciate a metaphor and thus does it most literally.
/r/RPChristians09/08/19 07:24 PM
1

Background: Married 3 years, have young baby. Have food allergies and autoimmune condition. Husband is stressed by work. Reading: How to Rob A Bank by Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt; The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo (just finished); Not Just Good but Beautiful an anthology PHYSICAL: Stats: 28 years old, 5'7", 140ish pounds, BMI: 21.9 - very satisfied with this as a breastfeeding mom. Back off vacation, needed a few days to get back into the swing of things. Sleep: Blue ligh…
/r/RPChristians07/08/19 08:45 PM
2

To that end, fasting is a perfectly appropriate way for a woman to express to her husband how important the issue is. It's submissive. It doesn't lord her wants and wishes over him. It doesn't insist that he comply with her requests or even join her in the fast, as you say. It is something she does on her own without flaunting it that remind her regularly that a matter is important. And if her husband takes notice, he will see through her submissiveness and fasting how truly important the issue …
/r/RPChristians06/08/19 01:53 PM
4

No. God is pro-coffee, which is why it's included in the Bible. Remember the book of He Brews!
/r/RPChristians06/08/19 01:50 PM
1

Impressive work. With God, all things are possible. Even so, it's important in conversations with women to emphasize that the central purpose of religious fasting is not weight loss. Many of us are double-hearted about it, and we need to orient our heart toward God alone. That is the best way to avoid the yoyo dieting so prevalent in American society.
/r/RPChristians06/08/19 01:51 AM
1

If you know that you are going to a restaurant Well that was the problem. I didn't know we were going anywhere; I wasn't hungry; I had fed him already (an extremely reasonable amount of food that normally sates him) but he decided spontaneously he was still hungry and THEN proposed going to some place without thinking about whether that place would be emotionally draining for me or not. When I VERY POLITELY pointed out that this was not a place with options for me, he tried to justify his answer…
/r/RedPillWives05/08/19 11:50 PM
2

Many people have this kind of issue with their spouse and severe food allergies/issues ARE a disability (in case you are feeling like it is not valid as one, let me tell you as someone with a wheelchair, it is just as valid a disability as mine). Thank you for saying this. We just came back from a party yesterday that basically required me to sit next to a delicious-looking cake for more than an hour while repeatedly turning down any from multiple people. It's not that I'm so desperate to have t…
/r/RedPillWives05/08/19 11:04 PM
1

No, it's actually not a legally protected right, at least it's not quite that simple - the laws revolve around whether doing so is an "undue hardship" to the employer. If it is deemed to be an undue hardship, then the employer can refuse. Ah, my mistake then. I recently heard of a lawsuit in which this right was protected, but if I recall the employer was on the larger side. Nonetheless, I would argue one chooses who to work for; changing jobs is always a possibility, albeit a costly one. We jus…
/r/RPChristians05/08/19 10:32 PM
1

the "spreadsheet vacation" sounds like the Type-A nightmare that Jackten wrote about a few times We are both type A people so I actually didn't mind this before at all. It was actually helpful because we were visiting a different country where we didn't speak the language and weren't sure how cell reception would be; it was nice to never worry that we would get totally lost or miss out on an activity we were really excited about. That said, I think I realized immediately that travel WITH a baby …
/r/RPChristians04/08/19 07:52 AM
2

Very real for me. Dealing with a 10 month old right now who sobs most of the time when I'm not holding her. Everyone says to be grateful for this period, but man, I'm excited for her to NOT be a baby anymore. My happiest moments are when she goes and plays by herself for a little while, because it's a sign she's growing the way she ought. All virtues in balance - except zeal for the Lord. Jesus also taught "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will…
/r/RPChristians02/08/19 11:45 PM
1

Just got home from vacation. Car broke down so I had to take it into the dealer; it's a good reminder of WHY it's helpful for me to stay home. I'm handling more of the slack in our family at the moment. Physical: Sex - 4x last week - woohoo vacation! This was the first trip that NFP didn't require us to abstain - it's a good sign that my body is not being as stressed out by travel, so I'm grateful that the Captain agreed to have a more chill approach to vacation this time around. (Last long vaca…
/r/RPChristians01/08/19 04:19 AM
1

Good stuff. But why can't Aristotle's categories overlap in the same relationship? In Nicomachean Ethics, he says that friendships of the good WILL involve some pleasure, but that they must be oriented toward the good rather than primarily toward pleasure. He does acknowledge that delight is key to friendship: "men may bear goodwill to each other; for they wish one another well and aid one another in need; but they are hardly friends because they do not spend their days together nor delight in e…
/r/RPChristians01/08/19 03:31 AM
5

Why do you call yourself married if you aren’t legally married? Why aren’t you working like you used to? Did he apologize after throwing the ball at you?
/r/RedPillWives31/07/19 08:51 PM
1

This could be a great opportunity to encourage and guide them rather than criticize. Know the relevant Scriptures and use God's Word to address it and bring conviction. Titus 2:3-5 sets the standard here for how to handle it: If only it were so easy! They are effectively pagans - they do not care if something is in the word of God or not. My husband put it this way: they view the only sin is the sin of judgment - you can't tell other people they are doing something morally wrong. I ended up disc…
/r/RPChristians29/07/19 10:36 PM
13

Aristotle distinguished three types of friendships: those of utility, those of pleasure, and those of virtue. The negative complaint you might do or the hard reflection in a small group or casual effort at church activities - those are friendships of utility. What you are advocating here is the type of friendship of pleasure - the ones you enjoy and have fun with. That is superior to a friendship of utility but it still falls short. The highest form of friendship is that of virtue - in which you…
/r/RPChristians29/07/19 09:53 PM
3

Three thoughts: (1) This book is written assuming the wife isn’t the primary breadwinner. Your mileage may vary. You have to navigate what this means for you and your husband. My husband is also appreciative of alone time - rather than just “I’ve made you maximally comfortable.” (2) Thrift is an underrated virtue. Traditionally a man’s role was to make money and a woman’s role was to spend AND save the money - a virtuous woman would find a way to live within her husband’s paycheck and a spendthr…
/r/RedPillWives29/07/19 02:22 PM
2

It may feel that you are only a paycheck to her, but that may feel overemphasized because you are having conflict over it. Sometimes when we feel dissatisfied with something, it has a way of taking over our brain. We forget the things that we do like and harp on what is the problem. This is why we must be patient and forgiving - not because there isn’t something that needs fixing but because we can blow things out of proportion. 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe…
/r/RPChristians29/07/19 03:20 AM
2

Is the problem that you want to hang out with him and he would rather be on his phone or that you feel that you own too much of the stuff around the house? If it’s the former, I would ask: do you have friends of your own who you recharge with? No husband is meant to be a substitute for all of our friendships. If you are going out and doing things he enjoys (and coming back in a good mood), he’ll start to come with you. If it’s the latter, start training your kids to take over some responsibiliti…
/r/RedPillWives27/07/19 07:14 PM
1

We’re on family vacation this week, so I’ll keep it brief. Reading: When I Say No I Feel Guilty (finished this morning) Sex: 3x this week. We’ve been staying up late with family playing games and stuff; husband seems happy and hasn’t pushed for more. Mental: Have had good conversations with husband this week on our down time. After reading WISYIFG, I realized that “logic” is my way out of being assertive; my husband is actually LESS annoyed if I just say I want something vs this is the logical w…
/r/RPChristians26/07/19 03:45 PM
6

Great update! It sounds like your changes have really helped your husband step up. We also had some problems with our mail routine. I ended up setting up the system recommended by the House That Cleans Itself and our mail situation is wayyyy less stressful for both of us.
/r/RedPillWives21/07/19 03:30 PM
2

What is the risk in becoming a "beta orbiter" and how could I avoid that? You lose out on the attractiveness that comes from having an abundance mentality. Pray about it and try going on dates with other women. Read Philippians 4. “My God will fully supply whatever you need, in accord with his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:19. Remember that this applies to women as well. She may be a lovely woman but there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Take this as a matter of bad timing and fo…
/r/RPChristians20/07/19 09:46 PM
5

I would actually interpret the “I can’t date you while my mom has cancer” as a good sign. It shows that your GF knew her limits (letting her yes be yes and her no be no) and values her family. That can be a sign of maturity (and not just that she didn’t like YOU), and shows you are probably selecting for more mature women. A woman who wants to argue over ice cream flavors is trouble; “it is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (Pr 25:24). It …
/r/RPChristians20/07/19 06:32 AM
1

I’m working on WISNIFG now. The “I can’t do x and do y” is working actually. It was Doyle’s simple “I can’t” that wasn’t working - she says your husband appreciates and is attracted to your vulnerability, but I found he just became adversarial if I showed weakness. I get what you’re saying - he was taking it as confrontational / disobedient before.
/r/RPChristians19/07/19 09:22 PM
1

maybe a little verbal guidance would be good to avoid getting bit again. Agreed. I think this is a prototypical example of how things go in our marriage. Husband wants x, but he does x in such a way that hurts me. I tolerate it because it's not SO bad, until all of a sudden I realize it's actually getting intolerably bad. In the readjustment, I get hurt more / lash out. I need to get better at spotting and identifying that I'm uncomfortable SOONER while I can still be kind about it. Here's some …
/r/RPChristians19/07/19 06:12 AM
1

Thanks for the UTI tips. I already do those things for my autoimmune stuff, so it’s good to know I’m on the right track. I have an MA in theology so it’s rare that I have theological questions my husband knows the answer to; if I have a question, it’s generally complex enough that it requires finding an extremely well-trained priest. My husband says he’s married to his best friend, and slowly I’ve come to see why. He commented that he likes his best male friend because whenever they disagree abo…
/r/RPChristians18/07/19 04:54 PM
2

Background: Married 3 years, have young baby. Have food allergies and autoimmune condition. Husband is very stressed by work. Reading: The Story of a Soul by St. Therese of Liseaux; Side-tracked Home Executives by Pam Young and Peggy Jones; Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelsson; WISNIFG PHYSICAL: Stats: 28 years old, 5'7", 140ish pounds, BMI: 21.9 - very satisfied with this as a breastfeeding mom. Sleep: God decided to totally detail all my plans for sleep this week. Baby got vaccines and has been …
/r/RPChristians18/07/19 10:24 AM
1

Ownership can mean identifying the underlying cause behind things; you just have to also FIX them and not be victim to them. Researching the type of birth control and how it affects libido is OYS! So if you think the birth control she's on is significantly contributing to the problems, you have to figure out how to lovingly get her off it. If you're OK waiting on that front and improving other things because there's a natural break, that's fine too. Sounds like you're on the right track!
/r/RPChristians18/07/19 08:03 AM
2

She seems to have a legitimate medical issue. It can be a combination of factors. Sex was painful at first for me, but I wasn’t sure why because we were both virgins. I thought it was mostly inexperience; it felt good sometimes but also just a little off. I ended up purchasing an Elvie during pregnancy to avoid doing pelvic floor therapy later. That device helped me realize I didn’t know how to relax certain muscles as well. (I mean, it also is a sign of how tense I really was.) It basically giv…
/r/RPChristians17/07/19 05:16 PM
1

When we got pregnant, I decided to do some reading on different parenting strategies. There was this book 1-2-3 Magic that's basically about setting good boundaries with your kids to teach them to be respectful. The goal is to get out of a cycle of arguing / punishment and into a cycle of immediate feedback and discipline that helps them feel secure and helps you maintain your sanity. I think it could be helpful for you? Maybe you could tell your husband that you want to improve but you don't kn…
/r/RedPillWives16/07/19 10:29 PM
1

It may seem obvious but I'll ask anyway: are you praying and asking God to bring the right people into your life? No, and now that you say it, it seems so stupid. I've been praying for God to show me the right way forward, but not for the help. (I did pray for a while but when our first attempt fell apart, I stopped praying for that and more for guidance.) Back to it! But do you think it's possible that he's personalizing it as an indirect attack on him and his character? Something to think abou…
/r/RPChristians16/07/19 07:28 PM
1

It sounds like your disagreement over parenting styles is causing a lot of problems. What does your husband think you should do differently with your daughters?
/r/RedPillWives16/07/19 06:32 PM
1

Eve had pain in childbirth... God "greatly multiplies" pain in childbirth which meant Eve already had some pain before. So this is a point where translation matters. The Hebrew root for the word that gets translated as "pain" can also be used for labor or hard work; it appears in Genesis 3:17 as the word for Adam's "labor" in the fields. This is almost certainly a play on words. In essence, what could have been easier work in the fields and in childbirth has now become serious labor. Adam's role…
/r/RPChristians16/07/19 06:25 PM
1

Your reflections here on are on point. I'm going to be meditating on Paul's submissiveness to his incarceration and Christ's submissiveness to the torture for a while.
/r/RPChristians16/07/19 06:08 PM
1

There are multiple household codes in the New Testament that offer counter-points: Colossians 3:18-4:1, Ephesians 5:21-33, Titus 2:1-10, and 1 Peter 3:1-7. What's astonishing in these household codes is how radically they depart from the other household codes of the day. You can compare to Aristotle's Politics, Book 1, XII-XIII. In contrast to Aristotle's patriarchal view, Paul sounds positively liberal. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them (Col 3:19). Where Aristotle's patria…
/r/RPChristians16/07/19 06:04 PM
1

​ Making friends with other married couples would also help you witness successful marital dynamics when you find someone who has them. This could play into the direction you take for forming local friendships. Yeah, that's what I hoped for. I think we need to find older couples we actually respect (not the ones in the parish who are prominent but have children who've left the faith). This is harder to do at our parish than in ANY other community I've experienced in my life as a Christian (a tot…
/r/RPChristians16/07/19 05:16 PM
4

It sounds like you know what you need to work on. When you apologize, don’t defend yourself. You may have all the excuses in the world but if you own it, you’ll just own it without needing to justify yourself. You might try working on your gratitude. Writing out the 22 things you are grateful for about your husband and trying to say 3 of them a day. Maybe do the same thing with your daughter as well? There’s a book that has helped me as much as Laura Doyle’s - it’s called Save the Drama for Your…
/r/RedPillWives15/07/19 08:44 PM
1

Are you working with a doctor on this, or using natural remedies, or a combination of both? I've found great success with many natural remedies, I may be able to point you to some helpful material if you're interested. I've been to a slew of doctors and they were all pretty sucky. I ended up researching and implementing "natural remedies." One worked to resolve my gut issues (praise be to God!) and the other needs more time/money. I'm going to place another order once the budget situation is mor…
/r/RPChristians15/07/19 08:25 PM
2

You’ve said that you read the books. What have you implemented from them?
/r/RedPillWives15/07/19 04:34 PM
7

My husband and I both had the experience of not finding a ton of folks we wanted to date - even in Christian circles. Oddly, however we both knew lots of single people of our same gender that we thought were great and mysteriously single. Ultimately, you need to figure out the type of man you want and you optimize for that. If you want a man who will pump and dump you, by all means, go ruin your n-count. But if you want a Godly man, your n-count will always be an asset. Teach your mind to respec…
/r/RPChristians14/07/19 11:19 PM
4

So this is actually counterintuitive, but “perfect efficacy” NFP rates decrease if you use condoms. You are less tempted to break the NFP rules if you use condoms during the fertile window, but then you are relying on the efficacy rate of the condom (typical ~70% efficacy). If something goes wrong with the condom, it has broken during the time you are most likely ovulating. When “double dipping” with family planning, you are always increasing the lower efficacy rate but decreasing the higher eff…
/r/RedPillWives13/07/19 11:04 PM
2

Basal body temping only works for telling you when you’ve ovulated already. For reliability, you have to learn how to read your cervical mucus. It’s easiest to learn from a class (check out the Couple to Couple League) or you can read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler.
/r/RedPillWives13/07/19 05:09 PM
1

Wow, that’s gotta be really hard to deal with. Yeah. It’s been a tough year emotionally all around. I think we just need to be patient and trust that God will give us time to work out whatever needs working out.
/r/RPChristians13/07/19 04:20 AM
1

I’m curious what a family’s skin color has to do with it. My husband is half-Mexican* and half-Indian. Both of these cultures are more inclined to barter and push boundaries. In European-American culture (esp Northern Europeans), there is more of a respect for verbal boundaries especially among adults. His family would say that they “love” one another by repeatedly expressing concern; my family would say it’s disrespectful badgering. *Except surprise, we learned last year that his Mexican mom go…
/r/RPChristians12/07/19 11:53 PM
1

Nope. I wouldn't bring it up at all. It's not working anyway. I mean, now you're telling me specifically to NOT do what he has ASKED me to do. So am I supposed to submit to what he has asked of me or not? I'm getting contradictory advice. I think the answer is that I need to raise things politely as they come, and avoid bringing up more than 1-2 things per week. Again, this is coming out of our first year of marriage where I finally exploded because I repeatedly asked for protection and my husba…
/r/RPChristians12/07/19 06:12 PM
2

Background: Married 3 years, have young baby. Have food allergies and autoimmune condition. Husband is very stressed. Reading: The Story of a Soul by St. Therese of Liseaux; Side-tracked Home Executives by Pam Young and Peggy Jones; Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelsson; Walking with Purpose by Lisa Brenninkmeyer PHYSICAL: Stats: 28 years old, 5'7", 140ish pounds, BMI: 21.9 - very satisfied with this as a breastfeeding mom. Sleep: My parents visited this week and that threw off our sleep routines. …
/r/RPChristians12/07/19 04:57 PM
1

I just never want to do anything for him because he'll always find SOMETHING to complain about. Complaining in these kinds of situations usually stems from a lack of gratitude. Maybe you can make a list of the things you're grateful for in your life and share that with him. Then ask him about the things he's grateful for. Gratitude is like a muscle: unless it's used, practiced and developed it stays weak and useless. You may be able to set the example here and lead him to gratitude. I have tried…
/r/RPChristians11/07/19 07:16 AM
1

How old is your baby? 9 months. I may have just ended cycle 0 - some weirdness happened so I'm not sure where things are at. I have learned that I don't particularly like babies and I'm grateful for the grace that came with her birth, but man, I'm sure sick of the screechies. I also find most other new moms exhausting. They're always taking about buying x, y, and z which we don't really need and would kill the budget. There aren't a lot of other women in our area who stay home with kids, and eve…
/r/RPChristians10/07/19 03:01 AM
1

​ So what are you guys doing about this? It seems like you're both working on the career part and that's good, but what's your long-term plan for raising the kids? What are you doing right now that's working, and what do you need to think about doing differently? Currently I am not working on the career front. I do some part-time work from home that is able to keep me in a holding pattern, but that's basically a side gig that I can do with a baby and not much else. My husband has reached the poi…
/r/RPChristians10/07/19 02:49 AM
23

I especially like the “you don’t just catch a man like him.” It emphasizes the deliberate choices involved in vetting.
/r/RedPillWives06/07/19 07:47 PM
1

How many things do you have that are “little somethings” for you in your life? How much time and money would you spend on gelled nails? You could spend that time becoming a better cook and destress with an extra 10 min in a hot shower. Are you optimizing for your own vanity or for being the best woman you can be for when you meet the man you want to marry?
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 10:52 PM
1

High value men don’t care about your having fancy nails. Just keep them trimmed to a reasonable length so they don’t break as easily. It is better to have short but well maintained nails than long fancy ones. Don’t fret about your nails and focus on improving the things that matter more: your sense of gratitude, your cooking abilities, your feminine grace, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/19 10:31 PM
2

Jesus was both meek and powerful. Philippians 2:5-11: “5 Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus, 6 Who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. 7 Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, 8 he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross. 9 Because of this, God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is …
/r/RPChristians04/07/19 01:45 AM
1

Background: Married for 3 years, have young baby. I finished my Masters degree and worked along the way so I graduated debt-free, but we can't raise our kids the way we want and both maintain the careers we want. My husband's doing well enough financially now but we just both feel stressed, pretty much all the time. I realize I neglected some of the maintenance around the house due to my Masters and am trying to get back into the swing of things at home while staying mentally stimulated. He took…
/r/RPChristians03/07/19 09:22 PM
1

I was in a similar boat. My husband and I were dating long distance and he always wanted to lose weight but was very stressed out by work. I tried being supportive from afar, but often what I suggested was a good idea for me but not for him. Like, the answer is that he needs to eat healthier but cooking recipes if he’s in an environment where all food is provided, recipes aren’t going to work really. He would try a diet and then fall off the wagon a few weeks later when something stressful happe…
/r/RedPillWives03/07/19 03:37 PM
3

The boys also have a low n-count. Having a low n-count helps prepare everyone for a more stable marriage.
/r/RedPillWomen03/07/19 04:58 AM
2

Ask yourself: if she never changed, would I still be reasonably happy with her raising my kids? If the answer is no, it should be a next. I would be on the look out for red flags like eating disorders, but less concerned if it’s something like she eats one too many cheeseburgers? An eating disorder can be a sign of vanity and pride (not great for your kids) whereas eating imperfectly can be a sign of ignorance or a different framework of value.
/r/RPChristians03/07/19 04:18 AM
3

Lately we’ve been doing a lot of separate meals where we get something from a place he prefers and then something from a place I prefer. Or I just make him something different from what I eat at home. It’s sad that we can’t eat together as a family, but I feel like not much can be done at this point. I’ve spent way too long scouring recipes to try to make things work and I just need a break so we have a more stable routine.
/r/RedPillWives03/07/19 12:48 AM
1

This is extremely unhelpful. Nowhere in my post did I even suggest that I still eat bread. If I wanted dietary advice, I would be posting in a different subreddit.
/r/RedPillWives02/07/19 01:10 AM
3

I've been to a therapist before. They have generally not been helpful. My husband doesn't doubt the allergy. He just feels like I should be more carefree about it - like, why not just go to the creamery and not have anything? I have tried to help him to be more empathetic. He's been doing the keto diet and I tried making the comparison, "wouldn't you find it hard to stick to your keto diet if I dragged you to your favorite pie shop?" And he admits that he would, but he still doesn't want to have…
/r/RedPillWives02/07/19 01:08 AM
4

it's going to make him defensive. I think that's right. I really need to practice STFU. The argument could have ended faster if I had just said, "I'm not going to look it up. It hurts me too much to look it up right now." He would have then been free to decide to stop and check for himself if they had anything or to propose something else to do or to just realize that he wanted cheese just for himself. To be honest, I'm not in a mental place where I'm even open to recommendations or suggestions …
/r/RedPillWives01/07/19 11:53 PM
6

So I do think I could be more flexible. I could have looked up this place and said “well I can’t have anything but you can go.” I just felt totally emotionally flooded in that moment and wasn’t capable of doing that. I thought in that moment that a vulnerable response (more like “ouch”) would be better. I guess I don’t know what to do when his response to an ouch is “stop hurting.”
/r/RedPillWives30/06/19 12:56 PM
18

To be clear, this would also be proposing going to a bakery spur of the moment so she had no time to bring bread. I planned ahead picking multiple suitable places so that my husband could have an array of options to make the final choice. He just wanted an extra snack and I did offer to bring a snack next time, which he said would be helpful. But to be honest, packing a snack on his behalf makes me just feel like I’ve got another child on my hands. I take 100% responsibility for my allergies and…
/r/RedPillWives30/06/19 12:45 PM
9

I picked the places because we normally have a one person picks 3, the other picks 1 dynamic. We do this for restaurants and other things. We were trying to get some wilderness time for stress relief, and I was afraid because we weren’t familiar with the area that we would have bad reception, would get lost, etc. My husband actually thanked me earlier in the week for thinking through options and presenting them to him so he wouldn’t have to worry about it? I didn’t want food. I didn’t expect him…
/r/RedPillWives30/06/19 12:31 PM
1

This is not RP.
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/19 11:50 PM
1

You’re welcome. My husband is Indian-American (Jain family, but then converted to Catholicism). I think these matters can be very hard with Indians because the culturally they are more OK with pushing verbal boundaries. Once upon a time it was viewed as OK to slap a man for “getting fresh” - a violation of physical boundaries by a man was grounds for reciprocation by a woman. Nowadays it is often best to avoid getting yourself into those situations, my understanding is that this is even more tru…
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/19 11:48 PM
3

Saying “I don’t want a religious boyfriend” is too vague. What kind of man do you want? Do you want one who has done all of those things with a lot of different women? Or do you want one who hasn’t? I guess I would put it this way: think about what type of man YOU want and aspire to be the best catch you can be by the time you find him. You guys are quibbling over the wrong things for 15 year olds. You are trying to get as CLOSE to the boundary (“does x increase my n-count?”) rather than asking …
/r/RedPillWomen28/06/19 06:10 PM
5

Traditional Catholicism is the ultimate RP you can swallow, IMO. St. John Henry Newman’s book The Development of Christian Doctrine outlines how some of the more controversial Catholic positions do originate in Scripture, even if they are more robust (like trees growing from an acorn). Ultimately Catholicism depends wholly on Scripture. God is the highest authority, then his Word, then his Church. The magisterium of the Church is protected by God so that it never contradicts his Word in Scriptur…
/r/RPChristians28/06/19 06:33 AM
7

The “unicorn” is hard to define because it is very culturally dependent. In a secular college campus, maybe only 10% of the girls haven’t had sex and that’s because 50% of those girls are really weird (basically female incels) so if you have an n-count of zero because YOU chose it, you are a unicorn to most men there. But if you grew up in the Quiverfull movement and 80% of the people save kissing for marriage, you won’t be a unicorn there anymore. For that community, they might think of n-count…
/r/RedPillWomen27/06/19 08:30 PM
8

You have realized the secret: frame is really about being a man. RP is basically about learning the way to manhood. (RPW is about learning the way to womanhood.) God gives us confidence and strength as we learn the Way. 6 Thus we may say with confidence: “The Lord is my helper, [and] I will not be afraid. What can anyone do to me?” 7 Remember your leaders who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. - Hebrews 13:6-7
/r/RPChristians27/06/19 05:12 AM
1

even though he said it’s not a problem. If he said it’s not a problem, take him at his word. Maybe turn the vent fan on high? I really wouldn’t give up on trying to improve yourself if he has said it’s OK. (So long as he agreed without guilt tripping or something on your side).
/r/RedPillWives27/06/19 02:54 AM
6

Unicorn is great! It means you are a rare find and of great worth.
/r/RedPillWomen27/06/19 02:48 AM
16

You have to decide what boundaries you want to set for yourself and then stick to them. Some people are OK with fondling but nothing else, others are not. What matters most is that YOU have decided on the boundary and YOU are practicing enforcing it. If your boyfriend doesn’t respect YOUR boundaries, then leave him (whether it’s because you don’t want sex or because you don’t want him to touch even your chest). Your comment about being “unpure” makes me think you’re coming from a Christian backg…
/r/RedPillWomen26/06/19 09:37 PM
2

This is a great post and very inspiring example. Hats off to you!
/r/RPChristians26/06/19 04:24 PM
3

Ouch. I do tend to go masculine in my delivery at times, as I know that’s allowed in RP subs. But since I’ve doxxed myself as a woman here, I should probably use the chance instead to practice my feminine intimacy skills. What you have written reminds me that it is unattractive when a woman responds back as “one of the guys” might. I genuinely thank you for that. I lashed out more critically the second time around because it didn’t feel to me like you were coming to this sub in good faith. You h…
/r/RPChristians26/06/19 04:21 PM
-1

They are the ones who need change, not us. This is antithetical to RP. RP says AWALT and learn the basics of frame and OWS to master women. Have an abundance mentality. For secular RP, the answer to abundance mentality is to have plates. That is not a godly answer. I don’t know how to cultivate an abundance mentality while avoiding the temptation to lust; I’ll leave that to the experienced men here to describe that better. But this post reeks of a sad incel and is the least attractive thing I’ve…
/r/RPChristians26/06/19 01:39 PM
2

It doesn’t. That’s why I said “if that is His will.” “All who live on the earth are counted as nothing; he does as he wills with the powers of heaven and with those who live on the earth. There is no one who can stay his hand or say to him, ‘What have you done?’”
/r/RPChristians26/06/19 01:34 PM
4

Where is God in your thinking here? In the end, He is the one who will bring you the woman He wants you to marry if that is His will. If not, then all He demands of you is obedience to avoid fornication. This entire post comes across as godless fear driving a complete lack of abundance mentality. Oof, go back to the basics and worry about yourself. Trust in God and do not fear.
/r/RPChristians26/06/19 08:08 AM
–

I’m trying to get better at having a more predictable routine to my recipes to avoid food waste / annoyance at leftovers. On the dock for this week are keto/gluten-free steak tacos with radish salsa one night and zucchini pasta another.
/r/RedPillWomen26/06/19 03:47 AM
3

The goal setting stuff comes from an old Freakonomics podcast (I think the title was something about losing weight or behavior change maybe?). I have found it helpful in striking the balance between making good changes and giving myself some patience as I strive for them.
/r/RedPillWives26/06/19 12:41 AM
4

Because you are already at a very healthy BMI, it is going to require a great deal of work if you really want to lose the “vanity” lbs. It’s not even obvious to me that losing 10 lbs should be a goal for you depending on your height. A goal like losing 10 lbs is too abstract for you to be really satisfied with it. You can skin that cat a dozen different ways, many of them unhealthy and too prone to weight yoyo-ing. I would shoot for a healthy, controllable goal more like - “I want to exercise 5x…
/r/RedPillWives26/06/19 12:03 AM
1

Could you give us an example of something you disagreed with and how your conversation went?
/r/RedPillWives25/06/19 08:51 PM
1

Biblically modesty is about just that: modesty. It’s about not drawing attention to yourself. This is why women are also told to avoid braiding their hair and wearing expensive jewelry. In biblical times, sexual modesty was essentially a non-issue as most women wore clothing that did not reveal their bodies. The challenge in contemporary society is that almost all clothing is financially modest but sexually immodest. (At least in our circles... I know there are plenty of very wealthy people who …
/r/RPChristians25/06/19 05:51 PM
1

I’m glad my unduly long saga could help someone! lol I think in this case it really helped that our friends had said nice things as well; sometimes he won’t listen if it’s just me because he feels like I am “buttering” him up or unobjective. Ultimately it’s true both that he did his best once he realized the Latin was too hard to master in under a week, and that he had the time to master it if he had just started earlier. But being supportive meant that after this conversation he said “next year…
/r/RedPillWives25/06/19 05:22 PM
1

Genuine question here: my husband sometimes will give me feedback on attire but it almost always involves being “sexier.” He wants a sexier fit, something lower cut, a shorter skirt, etc. Since converting, I have deliberately build a wardrobe that is less sexy! I’m supposed to avoid tempting men by dressing modestly, so I opt for things that are feminine and IMO beautiful, but not sexy. When I try dressing sexier as my husband wants, I feel uneasy because I’m worried it might tempt other men to …
/r/RPChristians25/06/19 05:07 AM
2

Also writing to your husband: Pregnancy and being a first time mom for the first year are objectively the hardest times in any woman’s life. If you weren’t sure you wanted to spend the next twenty years of your life with this woman (i.e. your child’s childhood + college), you should have figured that out before you created the child. First hormones wreak havoc on a woman’s body, exacerbating some of the stereotypically feminine qualities to the point of being annoying (e.g. moodiness). Then, the…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/19 04:10 AM
5

If lighting a fire under her ass leads to her being in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man-child, then it was a poorly-chosen strategy.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/19 10:39 PM
6

You have a drunk captain. He’s drunk on his own power but he is no less than a drunk. He is being extremely controlling and micromanaging you. He has gone Rambo from TRP. This amount of dread is completely inappropriate for a mother of a three month old. TRP done well can save a marriage, but done badly can ruin it. He is doing it badly. Now that doesn’t excuse you. You picked your captain when you decided to risk having a baby with him. I would suggest you read the book Boundaries in Marriage. …
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/19 10:36 PM
9

The long and short of it is no: you can’t be a traditional mother. A traditional mother does not subsist on her own. She is the product of generations of wisdom. Traditional parenting can’t work as you break all the traditions. There is this myth of the “nuclear family” that emerged in the 1950s. The nuclear family of two parents and 2.3 kids is really weird and ultimately self-destructive. Most societies around the world involve extended families. Traditional motherhood and fatherhood has suppo…
/r/RedPillWives23/06/19 10:14 PM
9

I feel you. I’m trying to get better at saying “ouch” when my husband is being explicitly or implicitly critical. I’m also trying to get better at saying no when he asks me for help with something he should be doing on his own, and saying no to extra commitments that we aren’t ready for.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/19 10:04 PM
1

TBH, the complaint about church women being catty could be genuine. I don’t know what church you’re at, but I’m guessing you don’t interact too much with the women? It pisses me off when my husband tries to get me to do x spiritual practice his way rather than respecting that I might do things differently. He prefers silent prayer, I prefer singing hymns or journaling. What matters is that we are both praying. It sounds to me like you are Rambo-ing a bit and failing comfort tests. Try to control…
/r/RPChristians22/06/19 05:55 AM
9

Why are you busy worrying about something you haven’t achieved? Worry about the things directly in your control, you’ll figure out the rest. If you do make a million, check out the book the Millionaire Next Door. Use strategies like that to avoid lifestyle creep. Don’t reveal your full financial situation until you are engaged. A confident man is looking for a competent first mate, not a poor woman to rescue financially. Bringing wealth to the table is an asset, so long as you maintain all the o…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/19 05:47 AM
8

My husband had horrible sleep apnea and would often turn down sex. I finally set a boundary around sleep to protect myself: I couldn’t fall asleep in the same room as him because the snoring was so horrendously loud, so I slept in a different room (while continuing to initiate sex). This finally motivated him to book the appointment and get diagnosed with sleep apnea. Within 2 weeks he was a changed man. His libido was up so much! Now he has started a new job and the stress has suppressed his li…
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/19 01:52 PM
1

I didn’t realize you already had plastic surgery, or I would have chosen my words more carefully. I have a lot of Asian friends who have noted greater pressure there to conform to Western standards of beauty which is only attainable with extensive plastic surgery and skin bleaching. You are the first white woman I’ve encountered who has mentioned wanting lighter skin. I believe women of all ethnicities can be beautiful without surgery, so I wanted to emphasize that. The fact that you have long t…
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/19 06:29 PM
45

Do not bother with plastic surgery. The ROI is low for most women. Many high value men will be turned off because it is fake. Focus on your hair and mastering makeup to look more feminine. Good feminine hair cuts tend to be long. I would focus on your face shape. So something like a short bob would direct attention to your chin, but long waves would draw attention elsewhere. Figure out a good routine for makeup that can make you look feminine. A popular style in the US is contouring. Don’t try t…
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/19 08:50 PM
1

I LOVE that image.
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/19 02:22 PM
1

I feel you. We have our first baby now and I feel overwhelmed a lot and like my husband isn’t “pulling his weight.” Ultimately I’m realizing that we are both burnt out and over committing ourselves. For him, that is always saying yes to family even when we don’t have time or energy. For me, that’s trying to cook too many new recipes or taking an extra class. We both are inclined to watch more TV or spend more time on our phones when we are burnt out and need chill time. It helps to remind myself…
/r/RedPillWives12/06/19 12:58 AM
1

I’ve heard it as the perfect is the enemy of the good, but that’s definitely the phrase I would use to capture one extreme of this phenomenon. Moving the goalposts is also a universal phenomenon that can be good or bad. Sometimes it takes experience to see that what you originally thought was “good enough” was actually amateur hour. Think of the kid who takes pride in getting his letters straight when given a dotted line, but still has to learn how to reproduce those shapes without any lines at …
/r/RedPillWomen11/06/19 11:05 PM
–

Today I am grateful that my parents gave me a love of reading. It’s helped me figure out so many difficult things lately.
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/19 04:52 PM
1

I’m glad it’s helpful. I actually think a lot of the Asian beauty blogs are great because they do tend toward much greater femininity! So even being there you are on the right track already. Just keep going on the path. For me, I resisted a lot of feminine things for a while because I find women to be generally vain. I don’t want to call it internalized misogyny. Consuming things is bad - whether you are a woman whose only hobby is shopping or a man whose only hobby is video games. My husband an…
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/19 07:35 AM
3

Oh man. It’s been a while since I’ve read a post on RPW where I feel like I relate SO much. I wasn’t a Mowgli, but my primary caregiver was my conservative atheist father and I definitely ended up being a tomboy growing up. (Had I been raised in the insanity of SF, I would have prob tried to go FTM too.) You are currently feeling stuck, and some of that is definitely due to having harder circumstances (living in SF, we know plenty of high value men for whom gun ownership would be a dealbreaker).…
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/19 11:21 PM
1

Stop being long distance. If you want to marry him, go be with him and make it happen. If you aren’t sure you want to be with him, it’s time to move on.
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/19 06:48 AM
7

My husband does this too, so I know it can be annoying. If he is breaking one of our agreed upon rules (like no phones at dinner), then I will call him out. Otherwise if he seems more interested in being on his phone than talking to me, I will go do something else. I don’t want to control him by making him put the phone done, but I can control myself and go do something else. (Note not in a pouting way, doing something more productive like the dishes or something more energizing like prayer alon…
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/19 05:35 AM
4

Yeah, I know a lot of doctors. You seem like a driven psychopath. Maybe I need to meet more surgeons? You think you have everything a woman would want: the prestige of a respected career, a high income for your area, the generational wealth. I don’t know of any white female doctor who would want to be with you. From this post, you come across as extremely controlling and weirdly particular. She has to be a doctor. She must not want to stay home. She must love me like many first love, resolving c…
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/19 02:02 PM
13

I think you say “ouch” when he says something that hurts you. His comments were genuinely disrespectful and he can learn to be more respectful if you show genuine vulnerability. I think you are on the right track with the therapy for yourself. It might also be hard to get your sex life where you want to be if you can’t feel vulnerable around him. So try working on both at the same time and be patient!
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/19 04:28 AM
2

I don’t think it’s a reach too far! Our childhood patterns often persist into adulthood. Even people who manage to break the cycle of physical abuse, for example, end up following some patterns of emotional abuse. Our parents dictate normal. I think patience is key here. And also maybe making it clear that he’s allowed to think those things, but you’re allowed to leave and not discuss them with him further. I think that’s a reasonable boundary to protect your (very justified!) feelings without b…
/r/RedPillWives08/06/19 01:37 AM
3

I hurt reading your post. I was a conservative atheist when I was younger and it would have hurt me a great deal to hear your husband’s comments. It is normal to feel like you are “not enough” when he says such things. I know that my husband has the same impulses, and he had the benefit of seeing a former boss live a lavish lifestyle full of women and be a completely wretched human being. It helps as well that he is surrounded by likeminded men and doesn’t watch porn. My husband also used to wat…
/r/RedPillWives08/06/19 12:54 AM
1

I would NOT recommend Catholic Match. I have only heard terrible things about it, that it’s full of people who are OK with sex before marriage. I would stick with CMB. The most hilarious part about that couple is that her dad spent his whole wedding speech talking about how amazing CMB was. (His daughter married her first boyfriend ever that she met through it at age 23 or so, so I guess he was getting nervous. lol) Edit: bad autocorrect
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/19 12:30 AM
1

It’s very hard to figure out which things are red flags vs yellow flags, so I empathize with your struggle! The most helpful thing for me was sitting down, reflecting on my exes (what worked well and what didn’t) and then to look for those qualities moving forward. It didn’t matter if x wasn’t a red flag for someone else, it matters that it is a red flag for me. I also try to judge someone by their present not by their past. So as an example, if I met a guy who tried pot 10 years ago and never w…
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/19 12:24 AM
2

Also, know that it is worth it to stick to your values! I didn’t vet my husband well on certain qualities, but our saving grace is our shared faith! That is what I cling to when we work through other difficulties.
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/19 12:18 AM
5

A woman who says “I will only date men with beards” or who says “I will only date men who shave” is foolish. People can be attracted to stupid shit. The beard doesn’t make the man. Beards are not an exact equivalent because is reasonably common for some men to not grow beards. Many Africans and Asians do not grow full facial beards if at all. Although it is more common for men of European descent to grow beards, there is a longer tradition of shaving among men so many guys learn at a young age h…
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/19 12:06 AM
2

My husband and I were both struggling to meet people. It’s funny because we both felt like we knew more people of our own gender waiting for marriage but so few people of the opposite gender! Here I think it’s helpful to try and meet more people and to vet on first, second, and third dates. Online dating increases your pool, for example, but tinder might require too much wading to find Christians who are willing to wait for marriage. I’ve heard better things about eHarmony than Catholic Match. A…
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/19 11:53 PM
2

It is uncomfortable to bring it up, and one would hope that filtering for Christian would be enough. Alas, it often is not. I think you are on the right track bringing it up now! Speaking from experience, be wary of the the men who “feel guilty for saying no.” If he is not equally committed to the goal of abstaining until marriage, he might pressure you into things that you don’t feel comfortable with rather than working with you to establish healthy boundaries. The book Boundaries in Dating was…
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/19 08:17 PM
2

Gotcha. We ran into a similar problem regarding cars, but with the roles switched. (I’m the practical one.) One thing that’s helpful for larger financial decisions is to say “this is good enough for now.” My husband made a mistake in picking our current car. He loves watching videos about cars and is always thinking about what car would be better. But he was driving me completely bonkers about the damn car every time he wanted to discuss what would be “better.” Finally I told him I had a boundar…
/r/RedPillWives07/06/19 03:52 PM
2

Then don't make outlandish accusations of pedophilia. That’s why I said it “feels like” not IS. I do choose my words carefully. I wanted to use a term with that degree of being loaded because I think more women in this community are at risk of being derailed in finding happiness from vainly pursuing the 0.01% perfect ideal on one aspect of being a RPW when they should be focusing on mastering other parts of life with much higher ROI. Pornography doesn't convince anyone to develop likes and disli…
/r/RedPillWomen07/06/19 03:52 AM
2

Ultimately I think we are all trying to do the same thing: tame the chaos efficiently. I’ve been reading the Empowered Wife again (read the Surrendered Wife first) and she talks about how sometimes she has to think about what she really desires when she wants to complain. I realized that most of our complaints about money were actually about other issues. I wanted to have control/authority to try different things (especially with some food allergies I developed). My husband wanted to save as muc…
/r/RedPillWives07/06/19 12:03 AM
1

No, there were many times, places and cultures in human history. Certainly there are many times, places, and cultures in human history where women shaved. But it was almost always a privilege reserved for the most elite of women, and I do wonder how much the men really cared. Many seemed to happily engage in affairs with lower class women who likely didn’t shave. If shaving pubes is pedo, why is shaving underarms okay? Why is shaving anything okay? It’s mostly cultural. So I think not shaving un…
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/19 11:15 PM
2

I converted from atheism to Christianity in college and the first group I left after one year was pretty culty, like Mormonism. I’m one of the only people who stayed Christian, but I went on a 7 year theological journey. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Just because Mormonism is crazy doesn’t mean all organized religion is bad. Your attitude of it’s not your job to convert her is right. If you lead well she may just follow you, but it’s hard to do when a whole family is in so deep.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/19 09:11 PM
3

My husband has always been bad at keeping a budget. His old system was very stressful. We’ve decided for our own sanity that I am taking over the budget. We worked together to set a total number (including some fun money) and I am responsible for managing it. This is actually a quite traditional way of doing it. Because I manage the kitchen, the house and the schedule, it makes sense that I am also managing the budget that ensures those things run smoothly. Last year we were having a lot of argu…
/r/RedPillWives06/06/19 08:58 PM
1

Until the 1900s, most adult women did not shave their body hair. Even today many women in Europe don’t shave their body hair in those places. I shave under my arms and my lower legs. The women in my family who don’t shave our thighs have all managed to find husbands (though some are admittedly happier than others). I suspect all of them would find their marriages became happier if they practiced more not nagging and complaining, rather than focusing on their pubic hair.
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/19 08:31 PM
–

I’ve been using the Sidetracked Home Executives system and it is super helpful. I wish I had found it sooner! I’ve had to adapt it a little bit as being home with baby means most tasks need to be able to be completed in 20 min or less. But it has helped us to build new routines and the home is cleaner and calmer than it would be otherwise.
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/19 12:04 AM
–

Good tip - I found it helpful as well! Bon Ami is an even more environmentally friendly option with similar results, but it can be harder to find. (Just switched since having a baby.)
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/19 12:01 AM
2

“Full Brazilian Wax" should not appear as a line in your OkCupid profile. That’s why I advocate focusing on almost anything else that is more guaranteed to increase your SMV for the man you want.
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/19 11:58 PM
1

You talk to them about it and have an open and honest relationship. You’re making a logic fallacy. I was getting at the idea that “if you are a man who is into shaving all pubic hair, you are most likely into porn.” That is a statement about the type of men who LIKE total shaving, not about the type of men who like porn. Plenty of men who watch porn don’t care about pubic hair. But few men who don’t watch porn would care about pubic hair; they’re happy enough to be with a woman.
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/19 05:25 AM
1

I would encourage you to read the book The Vanishing American Adult by Ben Sasse. He covers a lot of different topics but includes great general principles. In general, your kids will do what you do, not what you say. So if you say, for example, “my faith is important to me” but don’t go to church or pray, they will learn it’s really not that important. You can insert anything into “my faith.” Your children learn norms from you. So if you watch TV 8 hours a day, you shouldn’t be surprised that y…
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/19 05:18 AM
1

Honestly, yes. Youth culture is incredibly destructive.
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/19 05:05 AM
2

Men who watch a lot of porn are into it. I’m not into men who watch a lot of porn.
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/19 05:01 AM
5

One can be neat and clean without removing all pubic hair. The only females who naturally don’t have pubic hair are prepubescent. All mature women naturally have pubic hair. Thus, to be attracted to a completely shaved private area is to be attracted to what typifies the prepubescent. It’s derived from the same Latin root - pubic hair is a sign of puberty, that is, maturity.
/r/RedPillWomen05/06/19 04:59 AM
2

It’s natural because it aligns in the same way as God designed creation in his wisdom. Just like homosexual behavior is described as unnatural in Romans 1 - not because it’s not observed commonly in nature (it is) but because it goes against God’s procreative design. NFP is only supposed to be used in reasonably serious circumstances. Most often, breastfeeding with a high frequency for a long enough duration would adequately space children without needing to resort to NFP; in societies that prac…
/r/RPChristians04/06/19 10:06 PM
10

Although I've heard that it has become popular because of porn - I guess you can see more without the hair in the way. I think that’s right. Porn really is destructive in that way.
/r/RedPillWomen04/06/19 09:58 PM
-4

Seconding this. Waxing pubic hair seems to me to be focusing on the top 0.1% that you could do. Spend that time on building your character and your SMV is going to go up more than it does for eliminating all hair. Also, it weirds me out that men are attracted to women without pubic hair. It feels like pedophilia to me.
/r/RedPillWomen04/06/19 09:28 PM
1

Although it can be helpful to have someone who has experienced similar struggles, it also means you will bring similar bad habits into the relationship. You won’t be able to identify abusive patterns as easily.
/r/RedPillWomen04/06/19 05:16 PM
3

Okay, so you can pass a reading comprehension quiz. So what? You’ve not instantiated the key parts of single RP womanhood. You lied to use a dating app. Again, these are not the things that a mature RP woman would do. You need to go enter nun mode for a good 2-3 years and figure yourself out.
/r/RedPillWomen04/06/19 04:46 AM
6

This guy is a druggie. You admittedly have daddy issues and apparently don’t know how to avoid casual sex. I don’t even know if you get what RPW is about. Go read about vetting and your n-count. Stop having sex on first dates. Become an honest human being and you’ll attract more honest men.
/r/RedPillWomen04/06/19 04:32 AM
1

I know that this will represent a minority view within this community but it’s probably the most extreme red pill you could take and it is my view, so I will defend it. Simply put, there is no contraceptive consistent with Red Pill as contraceptions run counter to the foundations of RP philosophy. RP insists that men and women have innate differences that essentially make women the gatekeepers of sex and men the gatekeepers of commitment. The reason this evolved is because women are the ones who…
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/19 08:40 PM
5

For me, my self esteem has been lowest when I have failed to balance between perfectionism and mastery. In essence, I want to be perfect and my failure to be perfect means sometimes I give up entirely. Giving up entirely means you never build the mastery to feel good about it. It can be a difficult cycle. Mastery can only be built with time and involves getting to be so good at something you know when you can leave it at “good enough.” I have found that acknowledging the external components that…
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/19 06:06 PM
1

so Catholics can sleep at night without feeling like hypocrites. That’s what I felt like too until I studied the ethics around intentionality and the history of child rearing.
/r/RPChristians03/06/19 05:42 PM
8

Why are you having sex with a guy for a year? This post shows you don’t get RPW. Go read the sidebar. You should be demanding commitment before giving out sex.
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/19 09:32 AM
7

I always pull my wallet out without saying anything which is a subtle offer. Most of the time he’ll say “oh, I’ve got it.” If that happens, I won’t fight him on it. If he says thank you, I won’t reject him simply for splitting. So I respect what he feels comfortable with. [I also am generally going on dates with other people who believe premarital sex is immoral, so there won’t be a sense of resentment around “I paid for all the dates but you refuse to have sex with me” which can be different fo…
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/19 09:29 AM
13

Historical data points to couples staying together (without women cheating) long past the 7 year itch. Christian communities have lower divorce rates in part because they preserve some of the practices that help marriages thrive (including emphasizing that marriage is founded on the basis of love and respect). In fact, for Catholics who practice NFP, the rate of divorce is only 2% total (including those who may have divorced BEFORE becoming Catholic and practicing NFP). If you are a man who stru…
/r/RPChristians03/06/19 09:18 AM
5

Yeah, this all reeks of spiritual immaturity on behalf of both your leaders and your peers. You should be very open in your repentance with these men and make it obvious that violations of chastity are seriously sinful, not to be praised. You should look for a church where older, MATURE male Christians can mentor you. Avoid worldliness.
/r/RPChristians02/06/19 04:19 AM
4

You should obviously go back and tell the truth. Also, I don’t know of any normal church where young men disciple young women the way you describe. It also concerns me a lot that these guys would view your saying you had sex positively as something to brag about rather than something to repent of. Find yourself higher quality Christian brothers.
/r/RPChristians02/06/19 04:07 AM
10

I think you should be conscious of how your feelings are going. Maybe seeing your love and concern and character will help this man mature and realize he can do better than chasing hot short relationships. But maybe you end up heartbroken because he doesn’t really want to change but falls into a relationship with you due to your unusual living arrangements. Part of the idea of RP is being intentional about finding a partner. You can maximize your odds by improving yourself and learning to vet ot…
/r/RedPillWomen01/06/19 07:53 PM
2

I get why you are hurt and confused. I grew up atheist and although I saved the conjugal act for marriage by the grace of God, I did other things with the few boyfriends I had that I now regret and recognize as sinful. I felt at first sometimes like I should stay with that person because I felt dirty or unclean about it. I felt like if we eventually got married, it would make me feel OK about what happened. That’s a warped purity culture- saying, well I’m unclean because I touched this person bu…
/r/RPChristians31/05/19 09:28 PM
2

I was sexually assaulted by a family member (not raped) when I was younger. I hesitated to tell anyone until I told my husband because I was very upset over the Kavanaugh hearings and I needed him to get “why.” I also didn’t want to create a family rift especially because this fell short of rape. So I get why another woman wouldn’t want to tell you. My husband would agree that although I didn’t tell him “the whole truth,” I never lied. The Church has always put concern with chastity over a conce…
/r/RPChristians31/05/19 06:45 PM
1

No. There are a host of different things that can contribute to being overweight. Genetics is one component. I have an above average height, broad hips, and a large chest; I will never be healthily under 100 lbs, even 120 would be too low for me. I am also predisposed toward weight gain because I have a thyroid problem (which I discovered at 25, and then helped get my mother diagnosed with as well at 45). When I treated my thyroid, my weight improved and is now much more stable. My mother was di…
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/19 05:57 PM
2

Yes! I spent the last 15 minutes of our wedding night reflecting in bed and treasuring moments from the day, and I felt like I remembered almost all of it. My husband felt the whole day was a blur and barely remembers anything.
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/19 05:41 PM
8

I’m two episodes in and she hasn’t been in your face about religion so far. She’s talking less about it than about the books. But I’m sure you will find a lot of wisdom in the books if you can look past the religious parts that make you uncomfortable. I think her point is that you can do quite a lot even if your husband isn’t perfect. I’m reminded of a book I recently read called Sidetracked Home Executives. The two women embarked on the process of becoming better at managing their homes. One of…
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/19 05:39 PM
3

Thank you so much for sharing this! I read the book before but it’s helpful to watch as a refresher. I’ve made progress as a wife but have room to grow and this is a helpful reminder of it.
/r/RedPillWomen31/05/19 05:20 PM
1

The fact that he doesn’t appreciate what you want to do can be remedied internally (do these things for yourself, not for him). If you want to have kids, it is an advantage to have a spouse who can role switch a bit (especially if you don’t have family nearby to help). The fact that you don’t find him attractive is the bigger issue here. But would you have really stuck around for so long if you didn’t find him attractive in some way? You have to ask whether you’re imagining a grass is always gre…
/r/RedPillWomen30/05/19 05:05 PM
4

I had the opening of this passage engraved inside my husband’s wedding ring. Mostly because I figured using the Bible was the best way to make a boob joke. Your interpretation is spot on. I would add that since v. 20 is also directed at married men, we KNOW any woman who would reciprocate his affections would be immoral. If she’s willing to help you commit adultery, she is selfish and foolish. It’s like the ancient version of the cliché “if she cheated once, she’ll cheat again.”
/r/RPChristians30/05/19 03:53 PM
16

Please start reading the sidebar. A RPW at 15 should be in nun mode. You aren’t planning to get married anytime soon so you should be thinking about improving yourself and how to get better at vetting. Sexting is setting yourself on the wrong trajectory. Also you never know what someone else will do with photos of you. I’m not going to say people never change, because they sometimes do. My husband and I have both grown a lot in our marriage. But we shared the same values to start with, so when w…
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/19 04:25 AM
31

This stuff is all cultural. I have better things to do than waste time dealing with my arm hair - namely, raising our kids and keeping the house. At some point, you hit the 80-20 rule. 80% of results come from 20% of the work. Arm hair for me seems like an inefficient use of resources.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/19 09:30 PM
15

The Greek for household is “economia” - that is to say, the household is an economy of sorts with the aim of producing children. Children require food, water, shelter (products obtained via one type of labor) and nurturing, attention, and love (a sort of labor in itself). Most traditionally, food required so much labor that men and women both spent most of their time preparing it between the field and the kitchen. Children are the natural product of sex. There is a reason it is called the reprod…
/r/RedPillWives14/05/19 09:27 PM
7

Read The Vanishing American Adult by Ben Sasse. Pregnancy is a weird thing. Mothers have and develop intuitions. You don’t have to respect everything a mother thinks is right, but if you’ve done a good job picking a wife you can err on the side of trusting her. Hire a doula. They are worth every penny. The pregnancy medical-industrial-complex has stripped women of agency and removed the sources of feminine knowledge to be inaccessible to women. My husband said reading The Birth Partner was helpf…
/r/RPChristians14/05/19 08:51 PM
2

If you move in together before you get married, it’s not obvious why he would want to take the next step? I would ask whether he wants to commit to you or not. If you haven’t figured out you want to marry someone within a year or so, the answer is no. You can give him time to decide if he wants to get married or not, and you shouldn’t nag him about it. But the strictest RPW knows you can’t expect him to give you the title of wife if you have given him the rest of the privileges of being his wife…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/19 05:17 AM
3

It’s a case of conflicting values. Most men don’t care, and the only way they come to care is through women nagging them. It’s one thing to say own your shit, and another thing to say “own this shit that I really care about and will cry about if you don’t get right.” In the end, I’m guessing your husband would find a day to make you breakfast EVEN IF we didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day in our culture. Thoughtful people will find ways to express their appreciation in every culture.
/r/RedPillWives13/05/19 07:21 PM
2

These are two separate issues: It sounds like you care about Mother’s Day and were disappointed he didn’t do anything for it. I find holidays like this vain, so it doesn’t bother me if my husband doesn’t do anything. I believe our family is better served by focusing our attention elsewhere and it bothers me that other women have a sense of entitlement about cards, gifts, etc. However, I realize that you aren’t me and you may choose different values for yourself and your family. If that’s the cas…
/r/RedPillWives13/05/19 07:16 PM
-1

You have two options: 1. Leave when they decide to just criticize or 2. Make a joke back at them to deflect the criticism and move on. If you want to do 2, I find that it’s helpful to role play it out a few different times to figure out what you want to say. Mom: “You’re really not going to have sex before marriage” You: “No, I’m not.” Mom: “You know you ought to test drive the car before you buy it.” You: “That’s a good idea. Why don’t I test drive on the kitchen table?” That sort of response c…
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/19 04:25 PM
10

Staying in good physical shape is another one. Being able to eat a wide range of foods (not a picky eater).
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/19 02:23 PM
2

I’m not cooking tonight because I’m traveling. But I would add that one of my struggles as a home chef has been that I haven’t practiced a given recipe enough TO do it perfectly. So I’m always thinking about other steps and missing something stupidly obvious and essential (like salt). I agree present is better than perfect, but in my experience the failure to be perfect is often because I’m trying something new and not giving myself enough time to work out the kinks.
/r/RedPillWomen10/05/19 07:59 PM
1

I just don’t see how this is what you should take away from the books. The Married Man Sex Life Primer would endorse neither of these options. Maybe you need a refresher? It feels like you are missing some of the basics. Many successful couples divide responsibilities where one controls the finances. It’s important that the finances be something you delegate to her not something she takes from you. As part of delegation, you can’t be a micromanager. I don’t see why this would be something you’d …
/r/RPChristians10/05/19 07:14 AM
3

The meal plan stuff was so repeatedly aggravating to me. And then I realized that it was because I was always trying to follow someone else’s idea / plan. I tried to simplify a routine for the week and by iterating a couple weeks in a row, I came to realize that I was being thrown into chaos by recipes that had ingredients I couldn’t guarantee were in store at the right level of ripeness when I wanted to use them. Now I have to decide: do I want to learn new recipes or figure out how to guarante…
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/19 04:47 PM
7

You’re doing a lot. Your attention is constantly divided. Juggling education for four kids, work, and home life is a challenge. The thing is, nobody can tell you how to do it because nobody else knows what will work for you. Ultimately your most valuable asset is your attention. You need to take your attention and use it to it’s maximum capacity. That means learning what things stress you out the most and then trying to fix those ASAP. There are a dozen places you could start so it can be a bit …
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/19 05:41 AM
2

Break up. Ask yourself why people in relationships are lying to you. You said your ex was pathological. You need to identify why you were stupid enough to date a pathological liar and emotionally immature enough to tolerate it for as long as you did. Next you need to ask yourself why this man you say was honest started lying to you. It sounds like he was afraid of you blowing up; it could be that he’s the type of guy for whom saying no makes him feel guilty, but it sounds more like your overblow…
/r/RedPillWomen07/05/19 05:11 PM
4

I would add the addendum that, in many religious circles “just close your legs” until marriage is a perfectly acceptable option that ultimately makes you a better catch than someone with even a low n-count. Context matters.
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/19 03:39 PM
4

Don’t set boundaries you aren’t willing to keep. If you set a bad boundary before (e.g. one that is too paternalistic and feels stupid to enforce), then have a discussion to set a more reasonable boundary. Don’t make the same mistake twice. Be more careful next time around with the boundaries you set.
/r/RPChristians08/04/19 04:25 AM
1

I do think people can change, but it almost always has to be self-motivated. My husband was obese when we got married and has since dropped 60 lbs on the Keto diet. It only happened with some trial and error, but during our courtship, he repeatedly wanted to work on his weight. It took feeling a lot of unconditional love and acceptance as well as some conditional support for him to get better. As it turned out, he had severe sleep apnea and the chronic sleep deprivation was sabotaging his diet a…
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/19 12:24 AM
1

It is full of extremely patronizing and infuriating advice that is basically a textbook for making women crazy. It’s the exact wrong combination of non-judgmental extreme judgmentalism. For example, it treats having any alcohol as doing cocaine as basically the same: if you’ve had some, it’s probably okay but don’t ever do it again because how could you ever consider putting your baby at risk?!? Of course, lots of studies from other countries have shown that having a drink or two during pregnanc…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/19 06:12 AM
2

Something’s got to give. Try to minimize the work for every task you do: - could you switch to paper plates? - what are the simplest meals you can make with the least cleanup dish-wise? - I recently switched out our laundry system so I have one pile for “extra care items.” Right now that is mostly baby clothes with various stains. I may not have time/energy to do the stained clothes but at least I can make sure hubby has enough clean clothes to wear. I recently read the book The House That Clean…
/r/RedPillWives20/03/19 06:01 AM
1

Also have your thyroid checked!
/r/RedPillWives20/03/19 05:54 AM
4

I second the class. In the hospital, have the nurses give him advice (or ask the nurses lots of clarifying questions with him around). If you can afford, hire a postpartum doula and have her give tips as well. What to Expect was a terrible book that should be burned in a dumpster fire.
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/19 07:36 AM
1

Starchy pots are things like burned oatmeal or milk or pudding, potatoes and rice too :-) Got it. I make such things so rarely I’ve never had issues. Do you have any tips for cleaning cookie sheets? We do a lot of roasted vegetables and I feel like those get a lot of hardened oil spots. It takes more mental energy if you have to start planning for those. The problem is how deeply bad I am at this. I think I need those small victories to build confidence. It’s little things that are inconvenient …
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/19 11:04 AM
2

I wonder what other obvious stuff you’re missing. That’s why I made this post! The shoe thing wasn’t obvious at first because my family wears shoes in the house so we always store our shoes. I also only wear one pair of shoes 90% of the time. But when I finally took my husband’s shoes to the cobbler, he started wearing a variety more often. It took me months to realize I wouldn’t be so annoyed at him if I just made the shoe system easier. It’s easy to not realize how our culture, background, or …
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/19 08:50 AM
1

How soon are you disclosing? Maybe you could deflect such questions politely - “a lady doesn’t kiss and tell” for a few dates so you have the chance to get to know someone. By the third or fourth date, you will be close enough to say “you know I was into some weird stuff a few years ago but I don’t want to go back to that.”
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/19 09:27 PM
3

We have a cleaning lady come every two weeks, which is a big help. Mostly because it is a forcing function for me to really pick up and make sure everything is in good enough shape for her to come in and do a thorough cleaning. My husband and I are both cleaning-impaired, and outsourcing this has saved a lot of arguments. We have a five month old now and I’m trying to get a handle on a household routine that will be manageable for when I go back to work. In the end, I don’t have the patience to …
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/19 03:21 AM
1

Love these tips! I really like the idea of having one bottle for everything. I hate having to dig through our cleaning shelf to find the bottle I want.
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/19 03:09 AM
2

It’s 3-4 years old. We live in an apartment so it’s not always fast to get non-urgent maintenance done. It’s stainless steel so an overnight soak can help but that’s rarely enough. I used to love my cast iron when I was single, but since getting married it has been the bane of my existence. After my fourth need to reseason in 2 years, I gave up. Basically various things happened (our electric stove heated up too quickly, we turned on the wrong burner, someone else tried to clean it and was retar…
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/19 08:04 PM
2

I don’t feel like doing dishes after I cook dinner. Our dishwasher often leaves residue on the dishes so I feel like I’m doing double work. I recently cleaned the filter but that didn’t help completely. I’m considering trying a different detergent for the dishwasher. There are certain things my husband likes that require extra scrubbing of pans (which I hate), such as pan searing steak until it has char.
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/19 06:36 PM
1

Yes! Love her! I definitely think that decluttering is an important first step. I just don’t get joy out of tidying up, and I feel like the Konmari method doesn’t address certain bigger problems or ways to make tidying AS quick as possible. For example, I recently took out a bunch of boxers from my husband’s drawer because he has so many he isn’t even wearing through the ones he has (in years). They are in storage under the bed so that I can quickly add more to the drawer if he really runs out. …
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/19 06:32 PM
13

“I don’t do that anymore.” Proceeds to incite you to lust. Next. She is recovering from the CC and hoping to entice you with the language of faith. You want a faithful woman of virtue, not someone who will encourage you to disobey God.
/r/RPChristians04/03/19 06:02 PM
3

5 months pp now. When DH was extra grumpy, I suggested he go into our walk-in closet to pray. I realized he wasn’t taking enough time to actually care for himself, and he was just feeling overwhelmed. If baby kept crying, he would feel like a bad dad even though that’s just what babies do sometimes. Let him get some time off if you can to decompress from the new baby.
/r/RedPillWives04/03/19 05:42 PM
18

A house isn’t something to rush into. 1) For any home buying decision, you should always be running the calculation in a rent vs. buy calculator. In our area, buying is always more expensive than renting. In other places, it typically depends on how long you want to live there. Is this your forever home? If not, are you planning to stay long enough to justify buying? The rent vs buy calculator will include this and give you a better sense investment-wise of whether it’s a good buy for your famil…
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/19 05:34 PM
1

There are some great campus ministries at Harvard. HCFA is the largest and has some of the deepest friendships. You might enjoy CI more, as the man who leads it is more into athletics. If you’re Catholic, St. Paul’s is decent and FOCUS recently sent missionaries there; I’ve also heard good things about Elmbrook. In either case, most of the Christian men I know would say that their Christian fellowship was the source of their closest college friends.
/r/RPChristians01/03/19 06:59 AM
2

I get you. I agree with other commenters that gratitude is key, and that it starts with you. I think for me the biggest stuff is around cleaning the house. Since we had a baby, I’ve been doing some massive reorganizing and trying to get rid of stuff. I spend so much time just dealing with stuff! My mother has dubbed my role the “Chief Stuff Officer.” My new goal is to minimize our stuff and to build systems that help others minimize our stuff and the amount of cleanup I have to do. In the end, p…
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/19 11:27 PM
1

Could it be something that other people have said to him? My husband's relatives gave him a lot of shit for not getting me a diamond and openly told him that he needed to upgrade my ring. I had to correct them and explain that I specifically said I didn't want a diamond. They continued to tell him he should upgrade. I continue to be very happy with my unconventional ring.
/r/RedPillWives22/02/19 06:54 AM
1

The funny thing is, we know two couples who finally decided to go the adoption route and got pregnant when they were a step away from adopting. Another couple we know adopted and got pregnant about a year later. Shannon's book addresses specific lifestyle changes by condition, so it's worth looking into. (For example, although almost all conditions are improved by good nutrition, she offers specific recommendations for luteal phase defect vs. thyroid vs. PCOS.) You could also try visiting a NaPr…
/r/RedPillWives22/02/19 06:52 AM
4

There are more women than man practicing pretty much all religions, including Christianity: http://www.pewforum.org/2016/03/22/the-gender-gap-in-religion-around-the-world/ I suspect the only reason your more traditional parish has a more equal gender split (if it even does, your perception could be biased from the comparison TBH), it is likely it’s drawing men from other parishes who just aren’t attending the church to which they are assigned. I would agree that the post-Vatican II changes which…
/r/RPChristians21/02/19 06:37 PM
10

He has children with special needs. He is lucky to have someone who would be willing to marry him and be responsible for their care. It doesn’t matter if he has other pretty women throwing themselves at him; a good mother is hard to find. You separate yourself from the competition through your actions, not just looks.
/r/RedPillWomen19/02/19 11:21 PM
3

I’ve been thinking about this lately as a wife. I think a lot of the RP “manipulation” techniques are just common sense. Kino is another word for - touch your wife slowly in loving ways that help her build desire (sexual desire in women operates differently than for men). STFU is another word for not being defensive or furthering arguments (both qualities that are unattractive in both genders). Red pill is about becoming a better man. When I think back to our first year of marriage, I see many m…
/r/RPChristians19/02/19 09:08 AM
1

That means you are right on the line!
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/19 04:45 PM
2

Find your bare minimum and run with that. What can you do in 5 min or less for upkeep? I appreciate the Christian concern with vanity, and I think one way to do that is to set yourself a time limit: something like 5 min on a daily basis, 15 min for special occasions. You aren’t trying to be perfect, just reasonably presentable. My husband prefers makeup but realizes I don’t have time to get dolled up everyday. He also loves scents. I try to use a lip/cheek tint and spray a bit of perfume before …
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/19 05:59 AM
3

As Catholics, we can’t have other types of sexual release. After the 6 week window, we tried and it was still painful for me. The nice thing about him not masturbating on his own is that it was very quick so I didn’t have to endure too long. We got the Elvie, a medical device to help with the pelvic floor. It definitely helped speed up my recovery, and though it’s expensive, the promise that it would help us get to have better sex sooner persuaded my husband. Being new parents, we both have a bi…
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/19 05:29 AM
1

Yeah, I take full night-time baby duty so that my husband can sleep. (And for other personal reasons- I want frequent night feeds.) If my husband goes a few days on 6 hours of sleep, he loses most interest in sex until he gets a good night again. So just find ways to support him in the process and try to not pressure him to have sex as well. Focus on the job first. Send will come.
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/19 05:32 PM
2

It sounds like there were signs of problems during your relationship (many lows) even before the cheating arose. Are the extremes you described common in your past relationships? Due to your age, you may not want to spend much time in nun mode. Reflect on what you really want in a man. How might you have contributed to the lows? How would you vet better this time around?
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/19 08:04 AM
3

That’s fair. She’s got a narrow window where women slightly younger are more likely to want kids and that may improve her lot a little. But she’s got to fight the impulse to go young or even.
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/19 10:45 PM
4

Increasing her N-count at this stage decreases her SMV even more. This is terrible advice from a RP perspective.
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/19 03:40 PM
3

I have a very different problem than you. I am average height but have a very large bust (XL) and a slender waist (S-M). At this point, I have given up on wearing any pret-a-porter dresses or blouses if I’m dressing up. Whatever I want off the rack, I get tailored right away. I once had a slender small tailor comment when I insisted on more darts “oh, you want it REALLY tight.” No lady, I just want it to fit my waist the way it would fit on most other women! Tailors are your friends. Find a good…
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/19 08:37 AM
12

I think the other comments are right: being carefree is appealing. Your SMV is low based on your age and stats. You are at an awkward age. Most men in their 40s and 50s are increasing their SMV by consolidating wealth and focusing on their careers. A 40-50 year old man could still date and marry a 30 year old who has a higher SMV. This doesn’t bode well for you. You might have better luck trying to find an early retiree who is just as carefree as a younger man but whose SMV is closer to yours. T…
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/19 08:19 AM
2

Ditto-ing this. Men’s testosterone levels decline after a baby is born to help them bond. If he was low already, the pregnancy may have pushed him over. And doctors are completely shitty when it comes to hormones. If he does have low T for his age, he should look into natural ways to increase it like weight lifting before just popping a pill. I also wonder if the job changes have made him more sensitive. Your decline in income has probably highlighted that he isn’t able to cover all of your expe…
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/19 08:12 AM
7

I am on good terms with my exes, but it took years to get there. I don’t contact them very often at all, so I wouldn’t exactly call them friends. One recently got married and I congratulated him. When someone breaks up with you, it’s hard to move on. Be clear that you are in a new relationship now and that you feel it would be a good time to be less in touch. In a year or two, if you have good other reasons to resume friendship, then you might reconsider. Of course, at that point, he might no lo…
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/19 08:00 AM
1

Your blog post uses the unreliable NLT. The Greek says don’t be yoked to unbelievers. There’s an open question of whether dating someone qualified as “being yoked.” That’s why it’s debated whether it’s rightfully a command of God. The category of dating didn’t exist in those times. As I said, I think in 98% of cases, you’re right. It’s a bad idea. If you go into a relationship hoping that you will be a good influence on them, you’ll almost always be dragged down instead. I do believe in rare exc…
/r/RPChristians06/02/19 06:16 PM
1

I think it depends a lot on the person. Are they interested in Christ? Are they interested in him MORE than the person they want to date? Are they willing to respect sexual boundaries? In 98% of cases I’ve seen, the answer is no. In the other 2% of the time, it might work out okay. I’m pretty sure you can get a sense in 6 months to a year whether the other person is getting closer to being a believer or not, and thus whether they are marriage material.
/r/RPChristians06/02/19 05:11 PM
1

I only buy Ewa Michelak now. There are two boutique stores in the Bay Area that sell her stuff. I can’t say enough good stuff about her bras. I went from having a decent amount of discomfort daily to feeling expertly supported all the time. If you are a larger size with a lot of projection, you have to try Ewa. You won’t go back!
/r/RedPillWomen06/02/19 04:25 PM
–

I just read the book The House That Cleans Itself, which I now recommend to anyone who will listen. One takeaway that I had was just to have duplicates of objects that have a tendency to get picked up and carried away so that there is one in every commonly used place. We now have phone chargers all over the house. I get less grumpy with my husband because he isn’t moving the chargers anymore. She also had a great plan for cleaning baskets in each room with essential items. So in a bathroom, you …
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/19 08:15 PM
4

My partner has a habit of telling me not to do certain chores because he will take care of them, and then taking forever to do them. For example his rule is that if I cook he cleans the kitchen (he made this rule). About half the time he will clean after dinner but sometimes he will wait a day or two. I hate trying to cook the next day and having dirty dishes/counters. But he has offered to do it in appreciation and kindness - that doesn’t make it his sole responsibility. And he WILL always even…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/19 08:44 PM
3

I agree with you that effusive praise would be too much. However, there may be something to be said for praising even simple things. I recently spent 4 weeks staying with my in-laws over the holidays and realized that they almost never praise one another for what is done right and harp extensively on what was done wrong. There is a phase in a child’s development when they start wanting to be helpful (around 18 months) and if you don’t constructively guide them at that phase, they will develop a …
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/19 08:33 PM
1

Sorry, my argument is quite the opposite. We need to create a space to allow our men to delegate and feel empowered in the home. I misspoke. When I said “delegate,” I merely meant obtaining some form of help so it’s not all on us. What I described - outlining a general list of tasks and letting a husband choose what to focus on - is actually an example in my mind of sharing mental load. Instead of it being all in my brain, it’s now on a piece of paper. And he can decide what he wants to help wit…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/19 06:59 PM
-2

If you WANT to be a micromanaging shrew, this is a great way to do it. Agreed! I realized our dynamic was bad but I didn’t quite know how to fix it at first. I didn’t know how to communicate well what I needed help with, especially if I was feeling overwhelmed. My mom is also pretty good at doing things herself, but not always at explaining what needs to be done. I had picked up her bad habits in this respect. But you have to spell out the objective. Let HIM figure out the steps. One problem is …
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/19 06:29 PM
7

This comic both resonated with me and struck me the wrong way. I agree with much of what you wrote. I would add two notes: a man who owns his shit WILL be able to notice certain things and act on them before they become too burdensome. Over the holidays, my dad always takes over more tasks from my mom because he’s a teacher and she works in retail. She doesn’t have to ask. He sees the dishes and knows she probably needs help. To be fair, she has been training and guiding him for 30 years so he k…
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/19 06:54 AM
4

I know you said that it’s his an issue on his side, but you may also be able to improve the odds on your side. (Doctors are often shockingly ignorant of women’s health.) I would encourage you to look into something called Natural Family Planning and the book Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition by Marilynn Shannon. Her tips might up your odds, even if your husband’s sperm count is low. May the odds be ever in your favor! ;) Ultimately, you may also want to consider an option like adoption to start y…
/r/RedPillWives29/01/19 06:43 AM
5

Talking through my day would be the exact thing to wake me up more! If you end on that note, I can see why he won’t sleep. I think I was around that age when my dad started reading the Hobbit to me. If you close with reading and you switch to a longer chapter book without pictures, you may find the reading puts him to sleep easier. Pick a book you really like because you will probably end up rereading a lot! Even now, I like listening to TV or a podcast until I fall asleep. It helps my thoughts …
/r/RedPillWomen12/01/19 11:35 PM
11

The biggest problem is not your SMV. As everyone has said, you have major assets that would make it easy for you to find a man if you have realistic standards. The problem is what standard you are using to vet men. You have picked badly twice in the past. You need to figure out why you picked badly before and identify what criteria would have helped you weed out the men with problems. Only if you do this will you avoid making the same mistakes. The most important thing about a man is not what he…
/r/RedPillWomen04/01/19 03:15 AM
3

This is right. N-count after conversion is more telling than total N-count. Repentance matters. Also, regardless of gender, it’s a good idea to give someone a few years to demonstrate character and to learn how to relate to members of the opposite gender properly if they have been through a promiscuous period.
/r/RPChristians02/01/19 08:21 PM
3

He probably has a slight complex about gift giving, especially if he can’t ever quite seem to get it right. Your reaction -even if nice - touched on an area where he is deeply self-conscious. He needs positive reinforcement. You could have accepted the gift and waited a few days before telling him the fit was not optimal. At that point, he might have been more receptive to feedback, like how it’s really hard to gift clothing to women because of fit. Alternatively, you could have really emphasize…
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/18 04:06 PM
6

My husband has basically given up on gifts because I’m “too hard to shop for.” I started telling him exactly what I wanted (a stainless steel skillet, a vacuum cleaner, etc.) and then he started saying that the gifts I wanted didn’t count because they weren’t “real” gifts. Even when I told him exactly what I wanted, he would forget to buy it in time. Then he would feel guilty about having not bought it, too guilty to go out and do it himself. I have given up on expecting any gifts from him for b…
/r/RedPillWomen22/12/18 04:20 PM
1

I see that you’ve already gotten the “honor your father and mother advice” here. That is generally good advice but it can be bad advice for the child of narcissists. Narcissists are demanding, toxic people and they will use this commandment to justify their mistreatment of you. I just saw it happen with my in-laws over Christmas. My husband told his mother to “not bother g_e_m_anscombe” because I was on a work call in our bedroom at their house. She threw a hysterical fit and started sobbing bec…
/r/RPChristians22/12/18 03:14 AM
5

Yup! Catholic convert here. Joined the church 2 years ago and have an MA in theology from a evangelical school.
/r/RPChristians22/12/18 02:36 AM
2

Well Middle Age theology + modern feminism doesn’t work. But if you start from a place of believing that women’s bodies should be respected, and that biologically requires them to take a central place in the home, then it dovetails quite nicely with RP. That doesn’t mean the theology is designed for how to beat interact with women; it was written by a bunch of medieval monks. But if you took it and applied its logic to your life in its entirety, you’d probably be better off than even with secula…
/r/RPChristians22/12/18 02:35 AM
12

I'm not sure if this qualifies but Indra Nooyi (the CEO of Pepsi Co) had a great quote on how she "leaves the crown in the garage." Even though she's a CEO in her day job, she's not the CEO when she comes home.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/18 06:44 AM
1

Are you a woman? Because women let their hamsters spin. Men are supposed to be the rock. If I got my husband a gift and he didn’t use it at all for two years, I wouldn’t think twice about giving it to someone else so it wouldn’t go to waste. The other person could be a total stranger for all I’d care. It’s just practical. You’re reading way too much into it. If you have to engage in mate guarding, you’ve already failed. You should under no circumstances say anything to your wife about this being…
/r/askMRP11/05/18 05:53 AM
3

My husband works in a field that requires him to keep some of his projects and knowledge secret. It would be very stupid for me to demand that violate his contract because there can be “no secrets in a marriage.” Similarly, I’m with your wife. If there’s something that someone else wants to say to her in confidence, she either needs to say up front that she won’t tell anyone but you or she needs to honor her word. I wouldn’t ask my husband to break a promise that he’s given to someone else. She …
/r/RPChristians25/04/18 08:24 PM
4

I just went through a box of stuff I’d kept from all my old relationships. It was at my parents house and I threw out most of it but kept a couple of items. I don’t keep in touch with most of my exes - except for one guy where we went on a few dates before deciding to stay just friends (his choice not mine). The first time my husband met him, he was a little weirded out by our brief history (despite involving zero sex), but he was fine once he saw us interact and realized we really are just frie…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/18 08:12 PM
1

I don’t think grad school or career choice is the defining feature of whether a woman will be stressed out and overworked. A high school teacher isn’t high on the pay scale but they can often be stressed/overworked. In general, the more education a woman gets, the more valuable she is even as a part time worker. I know female doctors and lawyers who have part time arrangements because they wanted to have time to focus on family. There aren’t many jobs that pay over $100 an hour and will let you …
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/18 04:56 AM
5

Just throwing it out there, but I don’t know if any men who respect the Catholic Church’s teaching on pornography but don’t respect it on premarital sex. Normally the two go hand in hand. Even if they don’t, it’s more often the other way around (a man struggles with pornography use but won’t have sex before marriage).
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/18 03:26 PM
14

What exercise do you do for this? The biggest thing for me was cutting out inflammatory foods, sugar, and alcohol. I got skinnier than I've been since high school. It basically cut out all bloating, which can be more responsible for waist increases than weight in general.
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/18 05:52 PM
4

If you've been in a four year LTR from 15 to 19, clearly you aren't the type to branch swing for no reason. It genuinely sounds like you were on more similar paths in high school and now he's turning out to be lower value than you expected. Does it seem like his passion for fitness will make him a good provider for your children or is this a dead end career path? Did he drop out because he genuinely had a better opportunity or because he stopped wanting to better himself? When you think about th…
/r/RedPillWomen15/04/18 05:49 AM
3

This is a LPT for anyone raising kids. If you let them run the kitchen, they will drive their future partner up a wall. Teach them to eat what is served and they will be a pleasant companion the rest of their life. My husband’s parents took it a bit too far and forced him to eat food he hated that gave him ulcers. There’s some balance, but most Americans have swung too far to the other side.
/r/RedPillWives11/04/18 03:59 PM
0

I generally agree with you but a few thoughts: Intelligent men often prefer intelligent women, but they can still be intimidated. A smart woman may have more success finding a man who’s studying a different field, as they will have different strengths. We had some friends staying with us lately and they were looking through our libraries. They pointed out that not only do we have duplicates of one another’s books but that my husband had introductions to subjects I had textbooks in, and vice vers…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/18 11:58 PM
1

That was my point. Not that I want someone who never works out, but that the level of fitness some women would require to define a man as a “10” would correlate with qualities that would make a man less of a “10” to me. Are there exceptions? Sure. But part of the point of RPW is that you have an SMV. If I know my SMV is 8 with effort and can’t go much higher, I’m not going to hold out for the perfect 10 that is 0.1% of society.
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/18 07:12 PM
3

I never said that physical fitness isn’t worthwhile. But there’s a point of diminishing returns.
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/18 07:06 PM
-3

Guys who spend 1-2 hours a day in the gym are statistically more likely to have a six pack, and statistically less likely to read books at the caliber level I like discussing. I don’t think it’s that hard to understand. I like nerds and not meat heads?
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/18 01:47 PM
12

I don’t buy it. The men I’m attracted to don’t seem to have a ton of women interested in them. But I like certain qualities about them and those qualities are more important to me than what other women think. In general, I’m not attracted to brawny men because six packs tend to mean a man has spent less time cultivating himself intellectually (a trait I am attracted to). Unlike men evaluating women, women evaluating men seem to have a wider range of what they perceive as attractive. In other wor…
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/18 05:50 AM
6

You don’t really have great options here. Yes, it’s shady. Yes, if you weren’t pregnant, this would be a total dealbreaker. But you are pregnant. Going back on the dating market with an infant is not a great option either. It drops your market value significantly. It sounds like he wants to make this work. I would try meeting with a counselor to figure out how to survive this emotional infidelity. Importantly, I think this would cause me to set up some boundaries as a condition for continuing th…
/r/RedPillWomen29/03/18 10:50 PM
3

My husband's #1 request will always be: medium-rare steak. For Christmas, I got him a board game we'd both like. That time it was affordable, but some board games we're interested are more expensive. A birthday could be a nice occasion to pay for something a bit nicer.
/r/RedPillWives29/03/18 01:18 AM
4

You said he was interested before but you felt it was rushed. That makes me think this isn’t a hopeless case. I think the main thing is that you don’t want to be a nag about it. Once you start begging him for marriage, it just becomes bad news all around. I think it would be reasonable to have another conversation where you make it clear that marriage is a deal breaker for you. You make it clear that you want your kids to have the stability of being born in wedlock, and that’s non-negotiable. An…
/r/RedPillWomen26/03/18 07:23 PM
1

The things that have gone over best frozen -> reheated with my husband are: enchiladas and Asian-style stir fries or fried rice. The issue I ran into was that we ran out of personal sized containers. He likes variety, so he really only wants one meal at a time.
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/18 02:27 PM
7

I worry that using the venue date as an explanation might still be perceived as nagging. To be honest, it strikes me as an asshole move to suggest she look at venues before proposing. He’s literally setting her up to spin her gears and stress out about it. It gives him the benefit of a wedding sooner without giving her the security of a commitment. If it were me, I would set a boundary here: until there’s a ring on my finger, I do no planning. If BF really wants to get married sooner, then he ne…
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/18 02:20 PM
3

My husband has asked me to get better about raising things more “in the moment.” My parents don’t really fight and our family has a complex system of facial expressions / tones that typically convey our needs sufficiently. I’ve had to get better at being more explicit when something bothers me in the moment. There can be some benefit to collecting data points over time, especially if it’s a pattern that’s less obvious, but if I take that approach, I’ll talk to him when I hit 2 or 3. But that’s g…
/r/RedPillWives22/03/18 06:44 PM
2

I think your husband is right that - all things being equal - if one person is at home and the other is working, the person at home should be managing all the routine household tasks. Now things aren’t always equal - medical issues may arise, pregnancy may mix things up a bit, you may end up with unforeseen obligations like taking care of a relative. However, I’ve also found that there are certain chores my husband hates, and others that he doesn’t mind so much. My husband wouldn’t do the dishes…
/r/RedPillWives20/03/18 03:59 PM
6

I would honor his requests. It does sound like you’ve gone all out here with the food preparation. A meal like that could easily be $250 at a restaurant, and by preparing it at home you’re giving him all the satisfaction with a much smaller bill. Maybe try to make it feel more like a restaurant by making sure the dining area is clean and tidy and lighting a couple candles? I will add that my husband would appreciate a moderately priced red wine ($10-20 range) to go with a steak like that.
/r/RedPillWomen19/03/18 05:35 PM
1

We had pretty frank discussions, so I think I have a decently accurate read. I’m not saying all girls who claim to be Christian are virgins, but the ones who stay active in their faith also tend to be virgins at a much higher rate. This has been demonstrated in larger studies as well - weekly church attendance correlates with virginity, professed religion does not.
/r/RPChristians17/03/18 04:24 PM
1

Presumably because it’s more of an issue for woman? You could ask why the Romans are told more about the relationship between the old covenant or why the Corinthians are told to avoid divisions. It’s because the authors address the community according to what they need. I was thinking of 1 Tim 2 which is even more explicit in addressing wealth: “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or cost…
/r/RPChristians17/03/18 04:20 PM
3

The issues that 1 Peter raises are actually around issues of financial modesty. You had to be very wealthy to afford fancy braids or to wear gold. He’s basically saying: don’t show off your wealth. Although he doesn’t explicitly address sexual modesty here, it’s a fairly obvious similar application. Don’t show off your financial assets or your physical ones. I don’t consider makeup to inherently be showing off “assets” in the same way as luxury clothing or revealing attire. However, as this woma…
/r/RPChristians15/03/18 01:14 AM
4

It's perfectly normal to not want sex when you're completely exhausted. Could you do meal prep on weekends so that you don't have to cook on weeknights? Could you put off cleaning until the weekend? Two things have helped us find a balance when work/life is a bit out of whack: We have a policy that you can't complain about what you won't fix. If I can't get to the dishes one day, husband isn't allowed to say "why haven't you done the dishes yet?" If he wants them done every single day, then he h…
/r/RedPillWomen13/03/18 05:03 PM
2

Yeah - that's why I'm not sure I was ever totally BP. My mom and dad made comments like this repeatedly throughout my childhood about this particular aunt, which helped prevent me from making the same mistakes.
/r/RedPillWomen08/03/18 05:55 AM
3

Depends. Rollo points out that certain factors - like how often a woman is willing to have sex - can bump her by up to 2 points. Other factors like makeup and haircut can take a 5 to a 6 or 7. (I actually think there are no makeup-less 10s nowadays.) I suspect a 2 point spread is about the best improvement you can hope for. If you want better than that, you’ll have to put serious effort into increasing your own market value.
/r/RedPillWomen07/03/18 06:47 PM
13

I don’t know that I was ever very BP, but my aunt’s story is what persuaded me that RP is a message that needs to get out. My aunt rode the CC from a young age, getting a belly piercing and notably procuring a box of wine when she was underage at her sister’s wedding (was she 16? 18? I don’t remember now). Although she was cute in her younger years, she progressively gained weight. She tried to be a cop but couldn’t pass the physical entrance requirements, so she settled into a dead end ish job …
/r/RedPillWomen07/03/18 05:39 PM
6

If it were me, I would tell him point blank: I don't care if you smoke pot. You're an adult and you can make your own choices. It's more important to me that you don't lie to me don't smoke when you need to be home caring for the kids don't smoke around the kids I get why you're angry that he broke the promise again. But if you really think this is an addiction he's struggling to break, it's more valuable for you that he's honest than that he quit completely. Pushing him away or trying to get hi…
/r/RedPillWomen06/03/18 09:55 AM
3

Sure. "I'm a man who is romantically interested in you. It's inappropriate for me to continue talking to you while you have a boyfriend. Not to mention that it's a waste of my time, since you've made it clear you're not going to leave him."
/r/RPChristians06/03/18 08:58 AM
3

Here's the question: would you want to be treated by this girl the way she is treating her current boyfriend? I think not. Find someone better. Seconding: don't waste your valuable time talking to girls who are taken.
/r/RPChristians06/03/18 03:05 AM
1

That's a really unhelpful response. The reason that I ask is that it's also important to frame how we think about ourselves. For example, I'm a huge Star Trek fan. At this point, I basically watch all the series on repeat. This is not something that I could bond with the women in my small group over. I'm also a huge fan of philosophy. That's something else I couldn't bond with the women in my small group over. But there's a big difference between saying "there are some parts of me that I don't r…
/r/RPChristians06/03/18 01:17 AM
1

What if that's not what God wants for you? Obviously you can’t go against the will of God. But it’s like the story of the man on the roof of his flooded house refusing two boats and a helicopter because “God will save me.” When he meets God and asks “why didn’t you save me?” God replies “I sent you two boats and a helicopter!” It’s easy to reimagine the story with prospective wives. To me, the bottom line is that your position of "If you want a virgin for a wife, but refuse to consider women wit…
/r/RPChristians05/03/18 11:38 PM
1

Because the odds that someone refuses to marry a non-virgin and also doesn’t judge him or her is very low. These two things often go hand in hand. I never tell anyone to lose their virginity before marriage. That would be violating God’s law. But he doesn’t set an explicit standard in choosing who you marry outside of don’t marry non-believers. Instead, he calls us to show mercy and grace to sinners including those with n-counts. I’m in no way shape or form suggesting you should marry a woman or…
/r/RPChristians05/03/18 10:44 PM
1

Trust is something that has to be built over time. Have you ever been a part of a small group? I don’t trust Christians at large, but I trust the ladies from my small group. What makes you feel like you can’t be yourself?
/r/RPChristians05/03/18 10:15 PM
1

I just picked an age that seemed about right. By the half your age plus 7, he could be going for 23. I wouldn’t go lower than that. Basically, he probably wants somebody out of college.
/r/RPChristians05/03/18 10:14 PM
4

Keep talking to God, even when it’s hard. It will get easier. Figure out the way that you best connect to God, and keep doing that. For some people it’s journaling, others it’s lectio divina. Personally I love singing hymns as a way to connect to God. What you’re suggesting embracing is a religion of your own creation: one in which you read the Bible and decide what you think is right. There is great peril in this, as the heart is deceitful above all things. Don’t give up on church. It is the bo…
/r/RPChristians05/03/18 07:51 AM
6

They do not think what they did was fundamentally wrong, just a 'necessary growing experience'. That’s not really repentance then, is it? I’m thinking of the girl who messed up at 16 once and then stayed chaste through the next 6 years. Or the girl who had a tough upbringing but converted at 17 and put her past behind her. I’m not saying n-count shouldn’t be considered, but it should be considered alongside other characteristics as well.
/r/RPChristians04/03/18 04:08 PM
4

We forgive non-virgins... wait. We're not God. We can't forgive random people who decide to sin against God. I’m not saying that OP’s forgiveness takes the place of God’s forgiveness. That would be complete idiocy. But God can forgive someone and humans can still hold grudges. A woman who has sex with someone besides her husband has sinned against God AND her husband. She should pursue forgiveness from both. Some women don't like short guys. Heck, all women like taller guys. Are you gonna tell h…
/r/RPChristians04/03/18 04:05 PM
9

Because we pray to ask God to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” and that “with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.”
/r/RPChristians04/03/18 07:14 AM
3

I don’t know where you’re looking that you can only find non-virgin Christian women, but you must be looking in the wrong places. Most of the girls in my college fellowship were virgins, as were a good portion of the unmarried women in my church. I also don’t think you should require a virgin. If God forgives her, who are you to not forgive her? However, serious repentance must be displayed to show that she has undergone a true change through the power of the Holy Spirit. There are many holy men…
/r/RPChristians04/03/18 02:08 AM
1

It’s fair to say that you refuse to teach the class with those kids in it. Alternatively, I would consider getting a camera yourself and setting it up. Would be great grounds for the next time the kids attempt this and would be a good lesson to their mother and to your pastor.
/r/RPChristians04/03/18 01:43 AM
77

Just one quick point: although I agree women should try to be submissive and supportive rather than negotiating with men from a point of dominance, this is not the same as “setting boundaries.” If a man violates your boundaries (be they sexual boundaries or saying certain things), you are within your right to reaffirm them and re-establish them. A man who loves a submissive woman will honor boundaries if she is explicit about them. Boundaries are non-negotiable, especially during the vetting pro…
/r/RedPillWomen28/02/18 07:06 AM
3

I disagree. I know plenty of folks who got married shortly after graduating college. College can be a great place to meet men; you can date upperclassmen or grad students if you want someone older. Securing someone when you’re in your early 20s can be a good thing because it proves you weren’t simply marrying out of pre-wall desperation.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/18 06:56 AM
24

I totally disagree with this. There can be reasons unrelated to a woman that explain a man not wanting to get married. In a world where 3 and 5 year LTRs are common, if you want commitment sooner, it can be good to have the talk. Within a month of dating, I asked my now husband how long he would want to date before asking someone to marry him. He said about a year. I told him that I wouldn’t want to waste more than a year with a man who wasn’t interested in marrying me. A little over a year in, …
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/18 04:30 AM
0

These are superb questions. I’m also a woman with a lot of male friends and these definitely make it clear why one has male friends. In my case, it’s just a matter of similar interests (the fields I’ve studied are male dominated). My husband thought it was a little weird at first when we were dating, but once he saw me interacting with male friends he wasn’t worried. We are also OK with the other person meeting up one-on-one with someone of the opposite gender. But we never hide it, and we often…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/18 05:47 PM
2

For an antinatalist, mother’s age is totally irrelevant. If you go to their subreddit, I’ll let you judge if they seem like good hearted people...
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 02:01 AM
8

The rate of birth defects “doubles” but it’s still incredibly low. Think about it from the perspective of your child: would you rather not have life at all or have to deal with slightly aged parents? I think the answer is clear. What you’ve listed are excuses people give to make themselves feel better about not having kids; I don’t think any genuine hearted person considers it selfish to have a child at a slightly later age.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/18 12:46 AM
1

The question is: why was it not good for man to be alone? I would argue that man was given the purpose to bear God’s image throughout creation. Being singular, he could not do that well. The purpose of his helpmeet is to fill the earth with more humans to bear God’s image. If the purpose of marriage were merely to prevent Adam from being alone, God could have given him Steve and they could have had a lovely bromance. Instead God gave Eve because procreation is the one function human beings can n…
/r/RPChristians10/01/18 06:50 AM
1

NFP literally saved my life as it helped me to diagnose a condition doctors wanted to “treat” (i.e. mask) by putting me on the pill. As I talk with more and more women about their fertility issues, I realize that the pill has actually been terrible for women’s health. Instead of actually trying to cure the root of a health problem (many of which become apparent with NFP), doctors are inclined to just write prescriptions so women can bleed at regular intervals - her own hormones and biological pr…
/r/RPChristians09/01/18 04:55 PM
6

This guy doesn’t even understand what the Catholic Church teaches. His issues don’t boil down to the Bible vs. Catholicism, but down to having a warped understanding of what the Catholic Church teaches.
/r/RPChristians09/01/18 03:46 PM
1

Correct.
/r/RPChristians09/01/18 03:19 PM
6

I grew up atheist and thought all religion was BS. Then in college I actually started studying philosophy and theology and realized how wrong I was. I converted to Christianity and eventually wound my way into the Catholic Church. If you want to post this intellectual drivel, I’d suggest you post it anywhere else on Reddit where you’ll be praised for such sophomoric thinking. I don’t know why you would post it specifically in a subreddit for RP Christians, who clearly don’t think that way about …
/r/RPChristians09/01/18 05:42 AM
15

I think the most helpful rule for us is the opposite of many people’s rule: we’re allowed to sleep on it. Between my husband’s sleep apnea and my Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, we both can be way more exhausted than normal people. Sometimes we can’t find an avenue for compromise and we’re feeling grumpy because we’re tired. We don’t “go to bed angry” but we also have learned to leave things unresolved and to sort things out the next day. This prevents us from saying things we regret and helps us to se…
/r/RedPillWives04/01/18 06:46 PM
10

I think the RP Christian way to get over oneitis is prayer and time. In the end, throwing yourself at other women treats a symptom (you don’t idolize one woman) and not the disease (you want to idolize things other than God). Turn to God and trust whatever he has in plan for you. You could also adapt the “play the field” mentality in a Christian way - ask more girls on dates so you’re meeting more prospects and seeing that there are many fish in the sea. You just don’t have sex with them at the …
/r/RPChristians02/01/18 07:47 PM
12

In religious communities, virginity is always an asset regardless of age. Since it sounds like OP is looking for someone with similar religious values, I wouldn’t consider this a problem. The men I know who found women over 30 and still virgins view them as unicorns.
/r/RedPillWomen01/01/18 04:29 PM
11

You are first mate to your captain only. Your captain is the only person to whom you owe unconditional respect. Everyone else needs to earn your respect - including medical professionals. I’ve got a chronic medical condition and have been through a slew of shitty doctors. It’s taught me that I have to be a patient advocate and triple check everything my doctor says. Doctors do not get any more respect from me than the average person, and they get far more questions. My grandmother’s awful doctor…
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/17 04:33 PM
1

I love politics and seriously considered a career in it. My husband loves chatting with me about politics, and I try to keep up on the news so we can discuss it over dinner. I will avoid it if the company isn’t right, but I will often use it to bond with folks as well. For context, we live in an area that is extremely oppressive to our political viewpoints. Our political opinions are effectively social suicide and my husband constantly has to censor himself at work. When we invite over folks who…
/r/RedPillWomen18/12/17 10:08 AM
1

Words or Tingles. Which one should we believe? I’m saying that Brad Pitt doesn’t even induce tingles in me because I find his behavior morally disgusting. It’s like the bimbo who’s so dumb she becomes less attractive. That’s not to say that I’m perfect. I would probably be more attracted to a good-looking, OK Christian more than a hideous saint. But, eh, we’re all works in progress.
/r/RPChristians13/12/17 05:05 PM
2

In my case, my husband and I compromise. I will do light makeup on most days, but will put more of an effort in for dates or special occasions. I’ve got my 5 min routine and my 20 minute routine. I’ll take off my glasses during dinner or in bed. Regarding curves, you probably have no clue what you’re missing. My husband wasn’t interested in me in high school because I wore frumpy t-shirts every day. When we reconnected after college, he realized what a mistake he’d made. But it wasn’t until a ye…
/r/RPChristians12/12/17 10:38 AM
3

I don’t assign much value to physical attraction, as I’ve tried to structure my brain so that I am attracted to virtue (brad pitt = adulterer = ugly, faithful Christian = attractive). I know Christians who disagree with this approach, because they believe beauty is objective. I also believe beauty is reasonably objective, but I think the beauty of virtue greatly outshines physical beauty. Ergo, in the new heavens and the new earth, Mother Teresa will be more beautiful and will outshine Carrie Un…
/r/RPChristians12/12/17 05:41 AM
5

The fact that you are one another’s first sexual partners is important. However, it’s not the end-all, be-all. I don’t think that matters in an abusive situation. If he’s great and supportive in other ways, that makes me feel slightly better. But I would also try to be cognizant of other ways your dynamics might be unhealthy (e.g. a good partner might “lead” by picking where you eat out on date night, but if he always picks where he wants to eat and never where you want to eat, he may be being c…
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/17 07:57 PM
22

Everybody else is giving you weight loss tips. I have two separate thoughts: You say your man is a great catch, but what you’ve described here is someone I would next. He doesn’t compliment you ever. Instead he insults you and basically calls your body gross. He doesn’t put effort into sex, and instead turns the lights off. He’s not physically affectionate at all. Although he wants you to lose weight, he hasn’t tried to lead you in any way and doesn’t sound supportive of you. To be honest, this …
/r/RedPillWomen10/12/17 04:33 PM
1

I started charting my cycles and found some irregularities that suggested a thyroid problem. The books on FAM list what fertility signs can indicate various conditions. I had to go back to my doctor and ask for specific tests to get diagnosed. I went threw a slew of shitty doctors who insisted I didn’t have a problem (“it’s just moving stress. It’s just wedding stress.”) despite having three years worth of charting data that indicated this had been a long standing issue. Finally I found a good d…
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/17 07:41 PM
39

No, next him. A good relationship won’t make you feel this way. When things are right, they will feel right. You won’t have to beg for photos or be the only one initiating things. He has already expressed very clearly he doesn’t want to marry you and that he doesn’t want to get married in general until you’re a footstep away from the wall. You need to look out for yourself here. You’re in your prime and you want to lock down a good man who will be the father to your children. Don’t waste any mor…
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/17 05:09 PM
4

Seconding this. I thought I was depressed and I realized years later that I had an autoimmune condition (Hashimoto’s thyroiditis) and a gut problem. I’m still on the path to healing, but it was only thanks to providence and my own persistence, not any doctors who were quick to tell me that pills would fix all my problems.
/r/RedPillWomen07/12/17 04:54 PM
1

I really miss wearing sunglasses. Depends what the “problem” is. Sounds like the problem isn’t that you miss sunglasses but that you don’t want to wear glasses. For what it’s worth, I think glasses makes some people look better and some people look worse. It depends a lot on the shape of their face and the style of the glasses.
/r/TheRedPill06/12/17 06:27 PM
3

This also explains why being 32 makes her virtually unmarriable. The wall may be 30 in the US, but there are enough beta men around who will marry a woman in her early 30s. In India, being 30 is the equivalent of being 40 in the US.
/r/TheRedPill06/12/17 06:20 PM
1

Get prescription sunglasses from Zenni Optical online. Problem solved.
/r/TheRedPill06/12/17 06:04 PM
1

I wouldn’t ask “did your boyfriend approve” if someone got a dramatic new cut, but that’s mostly because I’d consider it gauche to subtly criticize someone’s latest gut. But I would certainly be thinking it, and I bet a lot of other women would as well. RPers sometimes criticize “happy wife, happy life” because it makes it sound like the man’s only goal is to make his wife happy. But framed another way, a RP man knows he needs to own his stuff. That ownership - being willing to take charge at wo…
/r/RPChristians06/12/17 05:41 PM
7

I would be more worried about driving when there are flash flood warnings. For trains, I would imagine that they are more likely to cancel on you and not run if the warnings turn out to be justified. Do you think you will enjoy the trip just as much if you end up staying indoors? If not, could you try changing your attitude about it? I might bring it to him like this: “I’m feeling a little nervous about our trip because of the weather warnings. I feel like I’m not able to look forward to it as m…
/r/RedPillWives30/11/17 01:51 AM
2

I talk to a good friend who’s not redpilled but close. We hang out a lot together with our husbands, so she knows lots of good things about my husband as well. It can get unhealthy if someone only ever hears or experiences negative things about your spouse. She often offers suggestions rather than just listening to me vent; though we do a lot of venting especially about in law troubles. I find it helpful to hear her complain sometimes as well. I really admire her husband - he’s a great man. But …
/r/RedPillWomen20/11/17 04:00 PM
5

If you’re an hourglass, I highly recommend Bravissimo. Their specialty is making clothing that fits larger busts, but it’s ideal for someone who’s a size 4 in the waist and a size 10 in the bust. Some of their stuff is a bit low-cut, but they also have more conservative neck lines as well. I’ve gotten much better fitting stuff from them than I could find on ModCloth. I think having the better fit helps take a modest outfit that could look frumpy to something beautiful without being overly sexual…
/r/RedPillWives19/11/17 07:59 AM
5

It skeevs me out too. Feminists complain about how there’s a double standard - men are players while women are slurs/whores. Their response? Let’s lower the standard so everyone can be depraved without guilt! I’d much prefer raising the standard for all. It’s a far better outcome for women and it builds moral character.
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/17 09:42 PM
1

I believe that a child is entitled to protection. The question is: when does an embryo become a child? They used to think it was at birth. However, ultrasounds have shown us how early the fetus resembles a child in function. Some suggest it should be when the child can live without the mother’s support. Children used to be non-viable outside the womb if they were born at 26 weeks; now I’ve heard of a case of 22 weeks. I suspect the line of viability will continue to be pushed back. For this reas…
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/17 05:25 PM
6

As I've mentioned before, I'm on a mega-restrictive diet (the Autoimmune protocol) for health reasons. Although I initially felt better, I started taking antibiotics to address another health issue and they've made me feel absolutely terrible. I've stuck with AIP in the hopes that it will save me from feeling even worse. Doing AIP mostly feels like a curse - I have to cook all my own food and feel awkward going to other people's parties. I have tried to give gluten-free and dairy-free people a g…
/r/RedPillWives09/11/17 06:49 AM
6

You need to get a laptop or watch things on your phone with headphones. Then he complains about the light. I'm a grad student and often my work requires referring to multiple textbooks. I have attempted to work beside him while he sleeps, but it's very difficult to do so. Watching TV for 3-4 hours is not a great option. You should keep the same schedule as your husband as well, meaning that you wake up when he does, and you go to bed with him. Even if you stay awake, just cuddle with him for hal…
/r/RedPillWives09/11/17 06:29 AM
5

This is totally spot on. I specifically made it clear that it's the behavior that's like his mom and not him as a whole. His mom has strong narcissistic personality traits and tries to manipulate him through guilt-tripping all the time. They visited last weekend and she was complaining incessantly; lots of comments about how the Mercedes he used to lease for her was "more dependable" than the GMC we're currently paying for. It took all the strength I could muster to keep my cool around her, so I…
/r/RedPillWives07/11/17 07:17 PM
4

I did say that, but when he gets into this whiney mood, it doesn't really matter what my reasons are. The friends are an hour away, so it wasn't really an option to pick up the meds and come back. I didn't mean to be so pedagogical with "delivering feedback." Just like - how do I better communicate with him that this behavior not acceptable to me.
/r/RedPillWives07/11/17 03:57 PM
3

And I think it is really true, and your husband was looking for connection and comfort You have just opened my eyes. My husband comfort tests me a good deal, in retrospect. I haven't been thinking of comfort tests as something men do. It's hard because comfort tests can come across as neediness, which emotionally drives me away. I've gotten better at concealing how I find the comfort test a show of neediness, but I don't think I'm any better at passing them. If I handled them better, he would pr…
/r/RedPillWives07/11/17 03:17 PM
0

I gained about 25 lbs due to a thyroid problem, which I discovered earlier in life than most women. (Literally had doctors denying I had a problem despite clear test results.) Thyroid problems are very common in women especially as they get older and I would recommend that you have her tested (make sure it's a full panel - TSH, T3, T4, and TPO A(b)). Many women experience thyroid symptoms if their TSH is over 2. If I hadn't figured this out, I could have easily gained another 25. The thyroid aff…
/r/askMRP07/11/17 08:29 AM
1

That may be something she will do later on, but how about healthy food options that SHE will actually like? This is good advice. I sometimes eat kale for breakfast, but always fresh with a host of other foods (onions, ground beef, sweet potatoes). I have reheated leafy greens before, and I found them way too bitter -never again! See what healthy options she likes and thinks could make for a healthy breakfast, rather than imposing yours on her. Don't judge her for having different taste preferenc…
/r/askMRP07/11/17 08:10 AM
1

I am nearly 100% sure he will delete this post. You were right. I'm impressed that you were able to track him over multiple personas. It seems like MRP should discourage this type of behavior - what the hell is this guy trying to hide? a delightful collection of furious ramblings about how men have to cut "cupcake" down a few pegs and let her know that she's useless for anything but fucking and breeding Given how little has changed in two years, it seems that he's someone who wants to make retar…
/r/askMRP07/11/17 08:05 AM
1

I agree with others that you can't do much for someone who isn't willing to swallow the pill. You might suggest the books Boundaries or Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend to him. They are like baby Red Pill - just an ounce of normal RP tactics but enough that can make a difference. The books can't tell him how to avoid divorce rape, but they maybe can open his eyes to how he shouldn't tolerate this type of treatment and how to enforce the boundaries necessary to force a decision about …
/r/askMRP07/11/17 07:56 AM
11

Come on, guys. This has to be a troll. No post history and now a post that is pure hating on his wife / talking about dominance and going to the gym. He has no reflection on (a) his own weight/SMV or (b) how he's failed at being an alpha except by letting his wife do art tours and pick a place to do residency? You don't get to pick a doctor for a wife and bitch about making some sacrifices. This reads like a victim puke written by a feminist looking to give MRP a bad name.
/r/askMRP05/11/17 10:48 PM
6

Yes, there are! You may need to rethink your friend circles if you can't think of any men who aren't drug addicts or cheaters... If you read my post history, you'll see I don't have the perfect marriage either. I have high expectations, and I find it hard to respect my husband when he fails to meet them. But man, reading your post reminded me: my husband is pretty great. He's not perfect, but he's going to be a good father. In my case: I found a man who shared my values, was a good provider, and…
/r/RedPillWives03/11/17 06:39 PM
9

An addict, a smoker, a cheater, and emotionally butt hurt easily? Each of these things would be individual deal breakers for me - and you've found someone with them all! You're 30 years old. Do you want to spend the next five years of your life helping this guy dig himself out of the hole he's dug himself into and the rest of your life praying he doesn't find himself in the hole again? Or do you want to find yourself a decent quality man who will (a) not turn to drugs as a coping mechanism (b) n…
/r/RedPillWives03/11/17 05:13 PM
5

I haven't had to attend any of these networking events, but I have had to meet my husband's colleagues. I always put a little extra effort in (making sure I'm wearing something that looks good and put on an extra touch of makeup). I want his colleagues to comment on how hot his wife is - it will raise his value in their eyes. In addition, its helpful in any circumstance to be a good conversationalist. I did speech and debate in high school, which requires researching a ton of different topics an…
/r/RedPillWives03/11/17 04:32 PM
2

You mentioned in previous that your husband cares less about cleanliness than you do. I think that's a huge part of it. My husband is the same way. He never really got used to cleaning and so he's practically blind when it comes to "what could I pick up in the next 10 min to make the house feel cleaner?" When he was single, he wouldn't think twice about leaving bottles and cans all over the table. But now he gives me a hard time if things aren't as clean. It's like he expects more out of me now …
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/17 03:56 PM
2

Plenty of dads do this all the time. I feel a special calling to the work I do - it's not just about ambition but about a personal mission. I think it's very healthy for men and women to have desires and missions beyond the raising of their children; the intense focus on parenting as sole responsibility has contributed to the rise of helicopter parenting in recent years. One of the things I mentioned is that I would want our kids to be watched by family members, not by random babysitters. I spen…
/r/RedPillWomen31/10/17 06:23 AM
2

There are lots of things that I would consider "sexual experiences" that aren't PIV sex. Considering the rules for this sub, I will let you use your imagination rather than being more graphic.
/r/RPChristians31/10/17 06:10 AM
8

As a woman hoping to have a career in a male-dominated field, Pence's perspective is frightening to me. I understand why he has the policy and I can see the prudence in it. However, the personal relationships needed to help a career thrive are often developed in the situations Pence avoids with women. If every man in my field followed Pence's policy, my career would undoubtedly suffer. Where do I draw the line? I don't really believe in lines. I have old male friends that I am comfortable huggin…
/r/RedPillWomen30/10/17 08:21 AM
6

I think the article is right: if you are a woman who wants a high powered career, don't get married. In the past two years of being married, it has been very clear that my professional life was much easier while unmarried. Although my finances are better as a married person, the emotional burden and burden of housework is substantially higher. The high-powered men of yesteryear were supported primarily by wives who stayed home. It's just immensely challenging to have two adults stay together whi…
/r/RedPillWomen30/10/17 07:44 AM
2

My husband and I waited to have sex until marriage and it was 100% worth it. We both regret the limited sexual experiences we had before marriage and would undo them if we could turn back time. But it was incredible to share that first time having sex together after vowing to love one another until death do us part. When I think about sex, I can't even imagine it with anyone else but him. It's an incredible feeling to have so much of your sexual energy oriented always to one person, who is alway…
/r/RPChristians30/10/17 06:10 AM
2

There may be ways to find an ex-pat community? That may be your best bet if the language barrier is a problem. You can also try staying in better touch with old friends, making sure to set up skype calls, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen26/10/17 06:12 AM
4

If you're religious, try to find a church that has a very active community life. Most of my good friends come from this route. You could also try: joining groups on meetup, getting involved with a fitness group, taking a dancing or art class, inviting coworkers over for dinner, introducing yourself to your neighbors, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/17 04:38 PM
13

I don't think you're totally in the wrong here. There are some things that you could do better (like not say he's being a bad provider). However, there's also a significant degree of responsibility that your husband bears for the situation. It worries me a bit that you sound so harsh on yourself and that he sounds very harsh on you. For example, with the school-related prep work, he has no right to be angry with you because he couldn't copy and paste your lesson plan with zero effort. If you're …
/r/RedPillWomen24/10/17 03:33 PM
2

It was a great post! I appreciated how you balanced the recognition that sometimes the hamster starts running for good reasons with the need shut down hamstering for the majority of the time when it's not.
/r/RPChristians20/10/17 05:53 AM
2

I'm trying to imagine myself in that situation and I think this is right. If you trumped him by mirroring him, and she perceived his actions as sinful, then your actions also seem sinful and/or immature - even if you were just doing it to teach him a lesson. Mirroring isn't a bad response IMO, but we never see Jesus really mirroring. When he challenges people, he often does it with a question. Sometimes women can also have a very touchy feely mental image of Jesus, and therefore of what is right…
/r/RPChristians19/10/17 06:53 PM
7

I just remember the one episode where Hal is like the lowest of all his friends, until they realize he has sex twice a day and they all want his advice. I felt it showed how much sex means to men quite well; Hal still seems generally happy even with such a naggy wife thanks to their great sex life. The lesson? Sex covers a great multitude of sins!
/r/RedPillWomen18/10/17 06:47 AM
8

Card + baked goods is a good present for recently dating people. Making dinner also works out, especially if you make his favorite food.
/r/RedPillWomen18/10/17 06:02 AM
26

Be yourself. The problem with this is that at heart, I'm inclined to always criticize, to nag, to assume the worst, and to insist on my ways. In other words, my normal self is just not fun to be around. I have to work on myself to be a good partner and RPW gives me a good framework to do that. If you met a 35 year old, obese man stuck in a dead end job who played video games all day, would you tell him to "be yourself" to win a woman? Of course not. You'd tell him he needs to grow up, lose some …
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/17 06:26 AM
5

I've found it doesn't really work to get your husband on board with Red Pill. My husband genuinely tried and we had a similar crisis moment where he bought all the books. He read them about 1/3 of the way and applied for a couple months. But now we're back to a lot of his old patterns (like being afraid to say "no" to things...). Thank you for the post, because it reminded me that I need to bring some of this to his attention. I would just encourage you that you have the power to be a RPW and pr…
/r/RedPillWives13/10/17 04:03 PM
0

It doesn't sound like he's divorced yet and the fact that she's hamstering for a separation only while ovulation makes me think he's still got a shot to save things. I wouldn't make a move toward separation or divorce unless he's accepted that she'll use it as an excuse to have sex with other men. I would tease her about it though - it's poor frame to let her threaten the nuclear option once a month. The longer she does it, the more the hamster wheel will spin.
/r/askMRP11/10/17 08:54 PM
1

He might not want to get married NOW, but if he wants YOU, he'll say it in a way that you know it BEYOND A DOUBT. This. I had a talk with my boyfriend after a little over a year to check in and see where things were at marriage-wise. I was 24, and I told him I wasn't willing to waste my prime years with someone who didn't want to marry me. He assured me that he was confident about me, but that he didn't feel ready for other reasons. It took him 7ish months to work out those reasons, but then he …
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/17 08:36 PM
7

Dump him. Seconding this. Get an STD test stat as well and let any other women know he's cheating so they can also look out for their health. Moving forward, follow the rule: don't have sex without commitment! That's a good way to vet quality men with RP characteristics from fuckboys.
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/17 02:56 PM
2

There aren't that many women with that inclination.The male equivalent isn't fancying 15 or 16 year old girls, that's incredibly common,but rather something rarer, like granny or BBW chasing. I had never thought of it like that, but now it makes perfect sense. It's the same reason why they won't make an equivalent video for men (besides the media being cucked...): nobody wonders why a 30 or 40 year old man wants to bang 15 year olds.
/r/TheRedPill11/10/17 02:48 PM
1

I'm Catholic and I would tell him to get the heck outta that situation - at least in the short term. If she had a single affair and showed any remorse, maybe. But we're looking at a woman with such low character that she has repeatedly cheated and lied, murdered her child to cover her lies, and has shown no sign of the Holy Spirit convicting her about the errors of her ways. It's harder because you know you're basically locking yourself into long-term celibacy. However, that can also drive the p…
/r/RPChristians11/10/17 02:40 PM
2

When I was first tested, they only tested TSH and mine was normal. But I went back a year later and asked to have my T3, T4, and TPO(Ab) tested. It came back with positive TPO antibodies, which meant that I had Hashimoto's and not just regular hypothyroidism. A lot of doctors are misinformed and very patronizing about thyroid problems. They'll say things like "you can't have symptoms if your TSH is normal" - even if you have all the textbook symptoms and then some. They'll suggest, "have you con…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/17 05:20 PM
7

I avoided sex, even as an atheist, largely because I didn't want to deal with the consequences of pregnancy or STDs. As an atheist, I was more okay with the "we don't have to have the marriage contract to know we'll love one another forever" concept, but with time, I saw how it was more prudent to seal the deal officially. Your experience - in which marriage becomes a chip in service of lust - is a common one. I don't think you have to be a Christian to think this way. You just have to be someon…
/r/RPChristians06/10/17 05:14 PM
1

Ultimately, I think the answer to this question depends on how much you weigh. If you were at, say BMI of 20-24 or even 25, I'd say it's bad that he is wrong to say anything and maybe gaslighting or begging you. But you've got to be pretty hefty to not be able to be on top. At that point, you're lucky to have a man who is being honest with you. Hit the gym and you'll probably find that your depression lifts a bit on top of the weight loss. Also, double check to make sure you don't have any medic…
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/17 06:55 AM
1

Keep looking for nannies/babysitters. This. Keeping toxic MIL around is not a option, and taking baby to work isn't an option either. Maybe there's another young mom at church who would be willing to take on another baby to earn some side cash? Could your mother come stay with you a while? Also, your wife needs to have the conversation with her mother - not you alone. Your wife needs to set a boundary with her mother that she will not tolerate trash talking you. You can be present for the conver…
/r/RPChristians05/10/17 02:45 PM
2

This. The vast majority of women won't marry someone they dated in high school. So for a woman whose goal is to have a low n-count to attract future partners, high school relationships are generally not worth the time investment. OP, I was also a bit frumpy, awkward, and intimidating to boot in high school (pres of speech and debate, award winning mock trial attorney). I ended up marrying a high school friend that I reconnected with after we both went to college. He is a couple years older than …
/r/RedPillWomen04/10/17 08:13 PM
2

Natural Family Planning. It is the only licit method of spacing children for Catholics, and it requires abstaining for 8-10 days while the woman is fertile. Catholics can't use any contraceptive methods (no condoms, pills, IUDs, etc.). Although the perfect use effectiveness rate for NFP is at or higher than the pill, it's obviously more challenging insofar as it requires periodic abstinence. It is also only to be used when a couple has serious reasons to avoid pregnancy (financial, health, or ot…
/r/RPChristians02/10/17 09:59 PM
2

It's hard to have these conversations generally because we have to distinguish between legal divorce (which may be required in extenuating circumstances) and spiritual divorce (which is impossible). The benefit of recognizing that spiritual divorce is impossible is that you have a very very strong motivation to stay and make things work in your marriage. It would take a very terrible spouse (think: untreated addiction, physically abusive and unrepentant) to make facing a lifetime of celibacy bet…
/r/RPChristians02/10/17 09:47 PM
2

that also brings other baggage with it. For sure. One big piece of "baggage" is what I mentioned - NFP. But of the couples who practice NFP, only 2% divorce. If divorce is your number one concern, you'd be hard pressed to find a rate better than that.
/r/RPChristians02/10/17 09:26 PM
5

Apologize and start communicating. I don't think it would be out of place to say, "I brought you here because you said you wanted to come yesterday. I'm sorry, I didn't realize that today you would have preferred the extra sleep. I will know for next time." As long as you don't make it sound like you're blaming him, it seems fine. Honestly, if it's been me, I would have said, "I'm going to pick up the food while you enjoy a nice long shower, so it will be ready to eat when you're done getting re…
/r/RedPillWives02/10/17 05:27 PM
1

It varies by state, but in many, they recognize common law marriages. This means if you split up, your wife can still make a claim for alimony. So I think you're stuck. And if you think about it, alimony is the right and just thing for most couples where one party makes financial / career sacrifices to care for their children. It's just how unfairly most marriages end that make MRAs so upset about it. In the end, I think RP takes their concern about divorce WAY too far for Christians; we have to…
/r/RPChristians02/10/17 05:14 PM
3

Thank you!!This +1000
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/17 04:59 PM
0

Engineering is one of the few careers that does allow you to make 100k while putting in a more normal 40 hours a week. Engineers are also in high enough demand that a good one could have the leverage to take longer maternity leave and/or work part time if you so desired. Same goes for doctors - I know of several women who work as doctors part-time so they get time with their kids. Your specialty and company become very important for this. Most stereotypical jobs for women either pay a fraction o…
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/17 04:56 PM
5

If OP needs help with this, there's a great book called Boundaries in Dating that explains the process well!
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/17 09:54 PM
-3

Eh, I know lots of women who just didn't get around to it. It took me a couple months longer than expected because there was a problem with our marriage license; the big impetus after a couple months passed was that we were taking an international trip for which it was advantageous to use his name. I actually hate his last name because it's a very well-known name from this country and I get frequent questions about it as a very white person. I had always been comfortable with the thought of taki…
/r/askMRP19/09/17 11:11 PM
5

Old habits die hard. Maybe her knee-jerk reaction was to assume the worst. As a convert, it's taken years to get over certain issues I had before. I'm a pretty reflective person, so I can imagine some people taking even longer. Have you considered suggesting to her that the photo shoot might be more appropriate for a wedding present rather than an engagement? Most Christians I know would be uncomfortable with this as an engagement present because the knot hasn't been tied yet, but would be more …
/r/RedPillWomen19/09/17 10:36 PM
5

Seconding this. I sometimes get a zit here or there, but if it's small, hubby doesn't seem to notice. 30 seconds to apply blush, 30 sec to apply a dab of eye shadow, 30 seconds mascara and I'm done. I use burt's bees colored lip balm instead of lipstick to add a touch of color without any hassle - 15 more sec and I'm done. Hair is more important, IMO. But I also wash about every 3 days unless I have an intense workout. If you haven't done this before, your oil will be greasy on day 2. Just start…
/r/RedPillWomen15/09/17 11:36 PM
1

Do you think the bag is safe up there where we can't see it? Maybe this is because I haven't swallowed the pill long enough, but it's hard for me to imagine asking this question without a patronizing tone. In a trial, this would be a "leading question." I think saying, "I feel nervous about x" would be better because it's not about making an objective claim about safety. My husband is definitely one to learn from making his own mistakes. He felt really bad about it. The only positive to this sit…
/r/RedPillWives13/09/17 02:58 PM
3

In this case, we did have our most essential travel documents - our passports - on our persons. The documents we lost were important and expensive but not completely essential. I think I probably would have spoken up if the backpack contained our passports. In hindsight, this definitely seems like it was something worth saying. I guess part of the reason I'm asking the question here is that it didn't seem like something worth bringing up in the moment, especially in a country known for being ver…
/r/RedPillWives13/09/17 02:48 PM
3

Thank you! You're right that it would probably be better to "bring him my problem" by saying that it makes me nervous and letting him decide how to handle it. The first thought that ran through my mind was "he should do what I'm doing," which would have come out wrong. I used to be too assertive in suggesting better arrangements, and now maybe the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. This example has helped me see that I need to strike a better balance, so I'm trying to think th…
/r/RedPillWives13/09/17 02:46 PM
1

I told him that I felt disrespected by him, but he didn't really seem to understand. Reading NMMNG was helpful to him because he saw how he consistently would say "yes" to something and then fail to do it because he didn't really want to. I would constantly feel disrespected because he wasn't letting his yes be yes and his no be no.
/r/RPChristians12/09/17 11:42 PM
1

In general, I don't buy the exclusivity here. I came to RP in part because I was unhappy in my marriage because my husband didn't respect me, not because he didn't love me. Conversely, my husband seems to need a lot more visible expressions of love than I do. Men and women both need love and respect. Every book I've read on this says "the Bible says this because men crave respect more and women need love more." That's poor exegesis - we really have no biblical reason to think that's why Paul giv…
/r/RPChristians12/09/17 11:01 PM
5

This guy sounds very narcissistic. It's very easy for narcissists to manipulate people into doing things they don't want to do. You have to be a stone wall to finish this conversation. Just remember the refrain: "I am breaking up with you. There is nothing you can do. It's over." Him: But babe, just give me time. You: There is nothing you can do. It's over. Him: I know you're upset about x but we can work through it. You: But we aren't going to. It's over between us. Him: How can you do this aft…
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/17 10:53 AM
3

This is exactly right. As you get older, sheer attractiveness and "chemistry" become less important than compatibility. Sometimes people "settle" because their own expectations are too high. I have an aunt who will only marry an attractive, high earning, charismatic man who meets half a dozen criteria she has probably never put into words. But she's never really considered that the 10/10 man she's looking for probably won't want to marry an overweight, sometimes high drama woman who has ridden t…
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/17 06:57 AM
8

I totally agree regarding the double standard about sexuality. I wouldn't trust a man who had a high n-count unless some very serious repentance were involved (and even then I'd be suspicious that he'd find it harder I stay faithful). Normally, TRP is amoral and areligious, but since you mentioned that you're Catholic, I'll add this: A great philosopher once wrote, “Christianity taught that men ought to be as chaste as pagans thought honest women ought to be; the contraceptive morality teaches t…
/r/RedPillWomen08/09/17 01:43 AM
-1

Moral of the story: learn public speaking so you don't have to choose between uncomfortably shutting down an old lady and killing a party. My husband impromptu'd his speech for our wedding. I was kind of sad given that I prepped, but I don't think other people noticed or cared. Be the type of man who can command and captivate a room in a moment - now that's frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/09/17 05:10 AM
4

My husband finally got a CPAP machine last week to treat his sleep apnea and it's been like night and day. He's able to stay up later so we get more time together and he has the energy to actually do things. I'm so proud of him for finally getting treated! He set the table for a candlelit dinner the other night, and bought me flowers in honor of the fact that he proposed two years ago today. I'm grateful to have such a sweet husband.
/r/RedPillWives31/08/17 02:58 PM
1

OP does admit to bad behaviors, and I don't condone being passive aggressive. At the same time, I think she is right that a first mate doesn't have to put her own sleep/health at risk because the captain won't get treatment. He wakes her up repeatedly in his sleep because of snoring and denies that he's doing it. He has LL at 29 years old. She says he has other signs of sleep apnea. Getting the sleep apnea treated will solve all these problems. The best alternative to not getting treated is to s…
/r/RedPillWives29/08/17 12:23 AM
48

I always comment on the gender education gap. Everybody has heard about the math/science gap for girls. By the 12th grade, boys are 3 points higher in math and 4 points higher in science. No one talks about how girls are 13 points higher in reading and 24 points higher in writing. Everyone is surprised at how there is never an article on solving the much larger achievement gap for boys. It's a good example about how we don't really care about the equal outcomes of education. Source.
/r/RedPillWomen29/08/17 12:11 AM
2

Normally it isn't. Sleep deprivation can have the same cognitive effects as drinking heavily. Dealing with an SO with untreated sleep apnea is effectively dealing with a drunk captain. In such circumstances, a good first mate will attempt to override the captain's will temporarily to restore order (when the captain gets his good sense back, he will almost certainly appreciate the first mate's prudence). I should've done this a year and a half ago, and my husband and I are both kicking ourselves …
/r/RedPillWives28/08/17 11:56 PM
5

Tell him that he has a week to book the sleep apnea appointment or you'll do it for him. Then do it - don't delay. This is one issue where I wish I had just made him do it sooner. It took my husband four months to get an appointment with the sleep clinic and another two months to get the test and CPAP machine. It has been one week and it's made a world of difference. We can finally sleep in the same bedroom. He has become more social, less tired in the middle of the day, is less depressed. He se…
/r/RedPillWives28/08/17 06:47 PM
3

I'm sorry- I don't understand how a baby can't handle a three hour drive with a fully functional adult. Most babies find it easier to sleep with the gentle movement of the car. Worst case scenario is that your wife has to stop a couple times on the way to breastfeed/soothe so the 3 hour trip becomes 5 hours. This should have been worked out before hand if it's an issue that would really bother one of the spouses. MIL doesn't get an opinion. Go pick up a copy of the book Toxic In-laws. It's got h…
/r/askMRP25/08/17 07:16 AM
5

No, I just would add a caveat - *most men. Great men should reach an age where much younger women become like daughters. There's a difference between finding someone attractive and wanting to have sex with them. I know of men like this.
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/17 11:24 PM
1

Low n-count. Shares similar values - puts a high priority on staying faithful. Clear communication. Doesn't flirt a lot with other men. You should communicate more openly about your struggles as you progress in the relationship. You can share more personally about professional struggles at 3 months, more personally about family at 9 months-1 year, as she demonstrates that she is worthy of that trust.
/r/askTRP24/08/17 10:59 PM
7

Clooney has done a good job of protecting his image. But if you find a close up, non-photoshopped image of him, the aging is quite clear. He looks more like a grandpa - an attractive one, sure. But still a pretty wrinkled one.
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/17 01:47 PM
4

I definitely know of old men who would say this sweetly about their wives of 40-50 years. Obviously they don't mean it in an objective way. My point is just: even as we talk about "the wall" and the decline of a woman's objective attractiveness (which makes it hard to attract a new mate), we can still believe in some level of subjective attractiveness based on factors like maturity. Don't believe me? Go see the comments on trp whenever a guy says "I got sick of my bimbo plates and wanted a real …
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/17 01:45 PM
15

You could literally say the same thing about men. A man's testosterone drops, he becomes less physically attractive (sure, there's George Clooney but in a face off between him and Ryan Gosling, we know who wins). His earning potential diminishes as he enters retirement. But RPW value commitment because we think there is inherent value in lifelong relationships. There's something to be said for maturing to the point where you no longer are attracted to younger people (who always seem like childre…
/r/RedPillWomen24/08/17 12:39 AM
2

Most folks here won't help you enter a LTR as it's considered oneitis by younger non-MRP folks. I don't think there's much you can do here. If you're looking for sex right away, she's already established she won't do that. Accept that and respect her boundary or move on and find a woman who's already ridden the CC. From the experience of most of my friends (who are more conservative), a woman in her 20s who has made it past college without having sex is going to be very choosy about who she fina…
/r/askTRP23/08/17 04:41 PM
5

If she wants a relationship to have sex, and you don't want that, then let her go. You definitely don't want to take her v-card just to pump and dump her - that's just a dick move when she's been upfront with you about what she's looking for.
/r/askTRP23/08/17 08:55 AM
1

You might be more interested in the strategies of Married Red Pill, which is less about sleeping with as many women and more about working out a good dynamic with the woman you're with.
/r/askTRP23/08/17 03:03 AM
3

I also have a bad reaction to alcohol and I'm going to try this next time! The lime seems like it would help do the trick. Otherwise I just claim I'm DD - people generally stop the pressure then. Good friends know the full story, but it's an easy line with acquaintances and strangers.
/r/askTRP23/08/17 12:14 AM
1

I have a good but semi-shy friend who just married someone she found on coffee meets bagel. They both had Ivy-League backgrounds and are conventionally attractive, but had n-counts of zero. So there are definitely high caliber, low-count folks there.
/r/RedPillWomen23/08/17 12:11 AM
13

Definitely stay in STEM. It's such an in-demand field that women are generally able to negotiate for good RPW conditions (like regular 40 hour work weeks with high pay allowing for housework outsourcing, part-time work, long maternity leaves, freelancing, etc.). You don't have to give up a career to be an RPW. My impression is that the guys in STEM often go after non-STEM women because they are more conventionally attractive. At my tech company, the attractiveness, attire, haircuts, etc. of both…
/r/RedPillWomen23/08/17 12:06 AM
1

I second Modcloth and Banana Republic. Also, Ross has a number of cute conservative dresses for cheap. Sometimes you have to rifle through some cheap, skanky options to find them. But they are definitely there. A friend and I went last night and they had plenty of cute, modest dresses for $15-25.
/r/RedPillWomen18/08/17 04:14 PM
5

Yeah, it almost felt like negging to me to get her hamster spinning.
/r/RedPillWomen17/08/17 01:12 AM
8

It's highly unlikely that you will have "irreconcilable differences sexually." Even if you have sexual struggles that you want to work on, do you really want to figure that out with someone who may leave because of them? It's more comfortable to work those problems out after you're married than it is to know the other person is still evaluating whether they want to spend their life with you. I say this from personal experience - I had/have a mild case of vaginismus that sometimes makes sex more …
/r/RedPillWives17/08/17 01:11 AM
10

When my husband was disrespectful toward me, I felt l like I was drowning in an ocean I could never escape. I had no doubt that he loved me, but love wasn't enough. I can't tell you how much happier I am when he respects me. My husband definitely seems to express the need to feel loved more than he expresses a desire to be respected. Maybe that's because I'm worse at expressing love in his love languages...
/r/RedPillWomen17/08/17 12:41 AM
2

How about: Husband: You look like a Dalmatian. Me: Merrrrr. You're so mean to me. Husband: But they are the cutest type of dog! Me: -.- Husband: You are an angel... Beezelbub. Me: -.-
/r/RPChristians17/08/17 12:35 AM
9

My friends are conservative enough that we've had tame bachelorette parties (escape room and amusement park, spa day, etc.). I have declined invitations to parties where I suspected strip clubs will be involved. It will never make sense to me why you would celebrate your lifelong commitment to one person by ogling other people. The great thing is that my husband feels the same way. His buddies organized a tame bachelor party (ATVs and drinking on a beach trip) and he opts himself out at other pa…
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/17 04:19 PM
4

I've seen Christian men go for the girls with baggage far too many times. I think the biggest difference between being Christlike and being used is: (a) whether there's any reciprocation of emotional support (indicating a friendship instead of a counseling situation) and (b) whether the person who needs more support has other people in their life of the same gender that they are getting additional support from (they're not being codependent with one person) and (c) whether the feelings are mutua…
/r/RPChristians05/08/17 02:35 PM
2

One fun thing we haven't done in a while is geocaching, where you are given GPS coordinates and you have to find a hidden cache. It's a good cheap date. We also like to go hiking and to stop on diners en route. Split sweet and savory for brunch. Sometimes we do game nights or murder mystery parties with friends, which is also a great time. We're planning a white water rafting trip soon.
/r/RedPillWives05/08/17 06:36 AM
4

I did an escape room with my husband and a group of friends.We barely solved the puzzle and had a great time, but my husband felt like he didn't contribute enough (and missed an obvious thing he should have gotten as a programmer, even though the other programmer missed it too). He spent the rest of the night moody and self-conscious. It was awful. I love escape rooms, so I scouted out a facility that has easier rooms so we can go again without any problems.
/r/RedPillWives05/08/17 06:32 AM
1

According to one of my colleagues, even Google has a hard time recruiting API writers. If you know enough code to write API documentation, you'll definitely be able to negotiate freelance work.
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/17 08:23 PM
1

Well thing is, there won't be any insisting. The girl can have any friend she wants, she'd just not be my girl. Simple as that. You can say whatever you want, you'd just not be my guy. Simple as that. A guy is free to say he doesn't want his GF having made friends (or vice versa), but she is free to say she doesn't want to date someone with that policy. And I think she'd be prudent to do so.
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/17 05:46 PM
2

I have a part-time job as a technical writer with a Fortune 10 company. I make more working 20 hours a week than a teacher makes working more than full-time. There is plenty of freelance work in tech, and a lot of smaller companies would gladly hire a woman part-time if she's competent. Stay in CS. Because those skills are in high demand, you can negotiate more for alternative working arrangements.
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/17 05:23 PM
3

Relationship experience is overrated. Most of the good guys need a few more years to emerge from their cocoons, so you might as well wait it out.
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/17 05:18 PM
2

Was anyone else pissed off that the primary reason she seems to want a BF was to carry and install her air conditioner? Like, girl, OYS. You don't need a man to do that for you. And if you think that's all a man offers you, it's no wonder none wanted to settle down with you.
/r/RedPillWives03/08/17 05:13 PM
8

I thought my husband's family dynamics a bit odd when I first got to know him/them more. It wasn't until we got engaged that I really saw the narcissistic tendencies come out in a way that affected me. I read the book Toxic In-laws and felt like I finally understood their family dynamic. At one point, things got so bad I briefly reconsidered whether I should marry him. But my husband handled his parents well and shielded me from their craziness as much as possible. The fact that he handled them …
/r/RedPillWomen02/08/17 01:50 PM
3

I don't think you are hoeing around! I wouldn't confess anything - you've already been letting it fizzle out and it doesn't sound like you've lied about anything. Just continue on that path. Don't initiate contact. If he tries to talk to you, be cordial and find a polite excuse to end the conversation (gotta run to the grocery store or whatever). Would your BF be upset if he found out you had any male friends? Or is it just the history that worries you? [It always worries me that an SO might be …
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/17 06:47 PM
4

I have lots of guy friends and my husband is OK with it. I even have one friend with whom I went on a few dates but it fizzled out for complex reasons (we never even kissed); we're still friends and hubby is OK with it after seeing us interact. My husband has female friends (none he was romantically involved with) and I'm fine with it too. I don't think either one of us would pretend that there was zero potential for romance with these friends, but the fact that we didn't act on whatever minor f…
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/17 06:37 PM
1

Disagreeing about the ethics of extramarital sex isn't criticizing. Saying that you would make a different choice given circumstances isn't criticizing. Anyone who says "you're just a prude" or "no one will love you without sex" or "man, you just couldn't get a boyfriend could you?" is criticizing, most likely from a place of insecurity.
/r/RedPillWomen01/08/17 01:02 PM
1

It took some time, but I realized he is LL more in the evenings. In the morning, he's ML. I have no doubt that he would turn down the hottest woman in the world at 9pm at night - all he wants to do is sleep. lol. He's getting the CPAP machine soon so we'll see how much it helps. I'd agree that for many people in dead bedrooms, LL becomes an excuse. But it's still worth making sure there aren't any biological impediments. Even implementing the best RP strategies, you will be fighting an uphill ba…
/r/RPChristians31/07/17 04:34 PM
1

would she remain legitimately sexless? I gave this as an option because I think there are plenty of situations where this happens. Athol Kay cites SSRIs as impairing libido. My husband just got diagnosed with severe sleep apnea, which definitely dampens his libido. In those types of cases, you've got to get the medical situation dealt with.
/r/RPChristians31/07/17 03:21 PM
3

I haven't thought about it in exactly this way before, but this is a great point! I think most people resort to begging / arguing because they feel desperate but they don't realize it's a losing strategy. Either they need a winning strategy (being attractive) or there is no strategy that will work because their spouse has some other problem getting in the way that needs to be addressed.
/r/RPChristians31/07/17 02:43 PM
13

The more you try to push these thoughts out of your head, the harder it will be. The best thing is to distract yourself by focusing on other things and this will slowly go away by itself. (For example, if you find yourself thinking about it as you fall asleep, watch an entertaining show or listen to a engrossing podcast in bed.) He's unhappily married and you sound like you're about to be. Your fiancé is a "classic beta" and you're feeling alpha-widowed by a man you have never actually been with…
/r/RedPillWives31/07/17 01:47 PM
2

Any man worth his salt will be willing to wait, especially if he knows you haven't had sex before. You're still young enough that a number of decent guys your age won't have had sex yet, or will have only had 1-2 partners. Your virginity is definitely an asset and not a liability. My husband and I waited for marriage (at age 25 and 27) and we haven't regretted it for a second. We had both been in serious relationships that we thought would lead to marriage before, so I'm a big believer in actual…
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/17 05:25 AM
6

This sounds like a focused, driven man. The vibe from what you've written says "driven" and not "he's not that into you" from what I can tell. I can't blame him for not wanting to start something that will switch to long distance right away; I've said the same thing in my life, and it wasn't because I wasn't interested in the person. I don't think OTS is that long, but once he's done, he will be in the military and have to go wherever they assign him. The real question is: do you want to date (a…
/r/RedPillWomen31/07/17 12:36 AM
2

Ah! I read that before but I forgot about the dominance pairings post. Good way to put it. being called 'intimidating' reflects some bad character. I guess I'm thinking of particular situations where people said I was intimidating (when I did public debates or in debates over email). I asked a couple folks from a student group I was in, and they all (male and female) said they were a bit intimidated at first but were surprised by how nice/friendly/approachable I was when they actually met me. If…
/r/RedPillWives27/07/17 04:51 PM
1

That's how I read the stuff about marriage. Kinda jokey but he was too nervous to pull it off, so he sounds more serious.
/r/TheRedPill27/07/17 03:40 PM
5

This reminds me of the disparity between the traits men want in daughters (intelligence, independence, strength, principles) vs. what they want in wives (intelligence, attractiveness, independence, sweetness). http://www.businessinsider.com/what-men-want-in-a-wife-and-in-a-daughter-2015-4 I've got a slightly different perspective than the rest of you. I'm also a woman who has been called intimidating, and who figured it partially explained my inability to get dates. I'm a student of debate, phil…
/r/RedPillWives27/07/17 03:11 PM
10

Yes, yes, you are. This might just work if you do it once and never again. You will have created a ton of dread, and she might want to mend things still. But if you do this repeatedly, either she will leave your cheating ass or prove that she has zero self-respect. It will be increasingly hard for you to respect her as well, at which point, your marriage will become a shitshow. This is like playing with dynamite.
/r/TheRedPill26/07/17 06:30 PM
2

I disagree with this. Laura Doyle writes that is important to have female friends to whom you can vent. If OP aims to never say a bad word to anyone, then she will probably end up having an outburst toward him, which is worse. The real question to me is: why would you go to HIS sister? You know her loyalties will be divided. You've said they had a bad relationship in the past, but that didn't stop you from sharing negative things about him with her. Once she started piling on him as well, that s…
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/17 06:27 PM
3

This is the story of my life. I've taken to waiting a week or two. If there's zero sign he's made any progress, I just do it. If I think he may have taken any steps, then I'll check in with him first. I think it's more important that you let it rest and give him the time to do it. A single inquiry of "hey, I was going to take care of this, wanted to check in first and make sure you don't have plans" followed by actually taking care of it isn't nagging - it's just getting stuff done. Some of the …
/r/RedPillWives24/07/17 03:45 PM
3

Until we were married, after 1.5 years of dating and a half year engagement. We're both religious, so religious reasons played a part. But we also had both been atheists at various points in our lives and we had decided to wait for marriage during those times as well. Mostly because we were fairly high achievers terrified of how a pregnancy would affect our lives. We didn't want to feel forced into a marriage or an abortion because we couldn't keep it in our pants, or to make our partner face th…
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/17 05:50 AM
5

NFP with perfect use is 98-99% effective - even in relatively uneducated populations. The problem is not that the method is ineffective, but that people don't follow the rules. I'll admit it's not easy - but that's also why I proposed FAM (where you use condoms during fertile times) since I don't assume everyone shares my moral framework. The pill, for example, is 99% effective with perfect use. It's closer to 80% typical use. That doesn't make me think the pill doesn't work, but that some women…
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/17 07:47 PM
2

This book is the bomb. I highly recommend the latest version as it goes more in depth on health issues that can make NFP more difficult.
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/17 12:39 AM
1

It's also worth considering whether he sweats more than average? My husband works in an office job but he can still get sweaty if it's a hot day (we only have AC in one room) and his butt is generally always sweaty. I got him a bidet and he's significantly less stinky because of it.
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/17 05:13 PM
11

I highly highly recommend trying NFP (sometimes called Fertility Awareness Method for those willing to use condoms during fertile times). If you have irregular cycles, charting your fertility related data (temperature, cervical mucus) will give you much insight into your health. There's a great book by Marilyn Shannon called Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition that gives great recommendations on how to address various menstrual problems. She helped me figure out what I needed to do to get my thyroid…
/r/RedPillWomen18/07/17 04:33 PM
2

To me, the N-count is only a very rough sketch of how someone thinks about sex, dating, and marriage. Also as a Christian, I totally believe in repentance and know many people who converted and rejected their youthful indiscretions. Although they had an N-count of dozens, after their baptism, they waited until marriage. That's remarkable and shows a true change of heart. It's important that Christians don't hold N-counts against people - that's part of forgiveness. Too often Christians have idol…
/r/RedPillWomen15/07/17 02:42 AM
1

Yeah, your MIL saying you never clean if she doesn't see it is mega hamstering and narcissistic. I would recommend reading the book Toxic In-Laws and getting out of the situation as soon as possible. Remember: your parents can be supporters or intruders on your marriage. Clearly she has chosen to be an intruder. You've got to protect your marriage against her. Under no circumstances should you let her control you into controlling your husband - that will only make you marriage worse and your MIL…
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/17 04:24 PM
1

If he really likes it, then go for it. Sorry I can't offer more helpful advice!
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/17 04:18 PM
1

I've been feeling slightly less fatigued since I started a strict autoimmune protocol diet about a week ago. My husband sweetly volunteered to help with the dishes on Sunday without any prompting. I'm grateful for a good female friend who I've been texting with more to vent about marriage stuff as necessary. It's good to have a sounding board so I can be more thoughtful when talking to my husband. Bonus: ugggh, I am terrible at crafts! The coolest thing I tried lately was silk painting, which is…
/r/RedPillWives13/07/17 08:11 AM
2

Yeah, I think the actual apology will be him seeing me change my behavior rather than just saying "sorry". Just to be clear here, I don't even think a behavioral change is enough. I think you would be best off giving him a VERY tangible course of action you are taking. Changing your behavior is slow and you won't be perfect; it will be easy for him to fixate on moments where you failed and to ignore the success you have taken. Giving a tangible thing that you are doing is better because then he …
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/17 07:08 AM
2

I started feeling anxious because I developed a thyroid condition. Since treating that, I've been doing much better and have better emotional control. I highly recommend that any woman with mental health issues or irregular cycles get tested for TSH, T3, T4, and TPO(Ab). [All of them are important, esp. the last one. I had a normal TSH but high TPO antibodies, and that was enough to cause me big problems.] I don't think there is much you can do for this particular issue besides what you've alrea…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 04:00 PM
9

A common ideal for marriage is "I married my best friend." Most men in their late teens and early 20s rank women on physical attractiveness alone. A lot of the 8-9s can be really bitchy- physical beauty and hours of makeup gives them an 9, but they are a 3-4 in personality. Meanwhile, the 6 in physical beauty is actually someone the man can talk to and have a real friendship with - say a 9-10 personality wise. Most 5-6s in physical beauty could be an 7-8 with a bit makeup/effort. So what you per…
/r/RedPillWomen12/07/17 03:47 PM
3

I stopped doing my nails for anything except special occasions a few years ago. I don't think my husband really gives a shit. No one commented that my nails weren't painted at my wedding (they were nicely buffed to be shiny). Painting nails is something I'm pretty sure women do for other women, not for their man. The same goes for very over-the-top eye makeup on most women- when I talk to men they find it weird and less attractive than more subtle eye makeup. It's easy to get distracted by doing…
/r/RedPillWomen11/07/17 10:16 PM
1

I've noticed an uptick in the past couple months of posts where a man has reported a cheating wife and asked what to do. Saying they should continue to work on a marriage isn't inherently BP. Most of the recent ones have been sort of in progress. My example shows that they give very different advice to a man whose wife had confirmed she was going to continue cheating on him. At the most, they are more BP insofar as they are quick to recommend counseling rather than OYS or something. But I don't …
/r/TheRedPill11/07/17 09:54 PM
1

I'm not sure what else you would expect from a community who has Christ at its center. If you think forgiveness is never possible, you can't be a Catholic. In general, Catholicism is a community that is keen on grace. Since OP admitted from the start she made a mistake in cheating and divorcing, they didn't feel the need to rub it in. But if you want to evaluate whether Catholicism is simply blue-pulled, you should look at other examples to confirm the hypothesis. Catholicism/comments/339q78/my_…
/r/TheRedPill11/07/17 05:22 PM
1

Thank you for this! I think the code word will be a good way to approach it. The funny thing is that since we had the conversation, he hasn't done it once! I will keep the point about falling into old habits in mind, and to try to stay vigilant.
/r/RedPillWives11/07/17 12:19 AM
1

We don't live with my MIL, but about 30% of the conversations I have with mine culminate with her telling me that I have to MAKE my husband eat healthier, work out, and get a physical. She says, "it is your job now. You can make him do it." My in-laws are some of the most narcissistic, controlling, and manipulative people I've ever met. My husband married me because I'm not like that. So, no, I'm not letting my MIL convince me to beta-fy and control my husband. The only reason she comes to me is…
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/17 04:35 PM
3

One of the most helpful things my dad taught me was to be rational, not emotional. That reason should dictate your ethics and life choices. My dad's an atheist, but he taught me that sex without marriage (or a similar level of commitment) is just idiotic. Having sex CAN lead to pregnancy even with "protection". Even if BC pills are 98% effective, do you want to play 2% Russian roulette with such a life-changing event? Do you want to feel pressured into marrying someone just because you got pregn…
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/17 04:16 PM
2

The difference between negging and teasing has a lot to do with intent and the degree of the negativity. (Also, the frequency of it can increase to straight up bullying. Repeatedly saying things that clearly make you uncomfortable is a sign he doesn't respect you.) "That dress looks good on you because it hides your fat ass." - Negging "I like having more to squeeze." (Followed by a butt squeeze.) - Light teasing The more I try to write examples, the more I realize how much tone and context play…
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/17 05:40 AM
13

If you aren't yet married / don't have kids together, cheating is 100% a deal breaker. There is no reason to "work through things" if you don't have the commitment of marriage. Cheating is a sign he isn't worthy of that commitment. If you're in a marriage, I think it would take a TON of repentance, hard work, and forgiveness to repair it after cheating. It depends a lot on your moral framework and the circumstances that led up to the cheating.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/17 03:53 AM
3

Other people have given some decent advice, and it sounds like you are starting to read more RP content. I would check out the book Boundaries or Boundaries in Dating by Cloud and Townsend. (Man, I've been recommending this book so often that I feel like people will start thinking I'm a paid advertiser... ) It sounds like your problem isn't that you want to be an "alpha" woman but that you want to stop being a pushover. I think these books would help you see how to be less of a pushover without …
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/17 06:29 PM
8

If you have trouble with this, I would recommend the book Boundaries. I think you should be firm in defending your strict boundaries, and flexible / deferential in matters of mere preference. That's how you achieve a balance between being a pushover vs. bitchy - you know what battles are worth fighting. When you are going through the vetting process, you should be making sure that you and your SO are on the same page regarding major boundaries and decisions. For example, if you know that you rea…
/r/RedPillWomen08/07/17 06:06 PM
1

Inner beauty - work on developing my long-term career goals (working on a publishable paper, researching PhD programs). Update: I met with my advisor, but I haven't been as on top of this goal as my other ones. Relationship - deal with my husband's negativity in more positive ways instead of perpetuating it. Update: I read several books, starting with The Surrendered Wife, and implemented her "Ouch" strategy when my husband says mean-spirited things to avoid escalating. It has worked pretty well…
/r/RedPillWives05/07/17 06:35 PM
11

At two months into dating, I asked my now husband "how long do you think it would take for you to date someone before you marry them?" Basically, I made it clear that I wasn't looking for a proposal immediately (which is why I brought it up early) but that I also wasn't willing to waste 4-5 years of my life waiting for him to figure it out if I was the "one." He answered "Probably about a year." After a year, I checked in again and we had several fruitful conversations about getting married. We …
/r/RedPillWomen29/06/17 09:20 PM
10

I saw in your cross post comments that you are Catholic. If you want wait until marriage, I would tell him that upfront. It's not really about him, so if you explain it that way he is less likely to take it personally. If he is also Catholic, he should understand and be happy to wait. If he's not and he isn't willing to respect your boundaries here, I'd suggest you leave him. You might check out the book Boundaries in Dating. In the end, there are lots of ways to express physical affection witho…
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/17 05:15 PM
4

As discussed in my other recent post, I've got three main goals right now, which don't map perfectly on these three. But I hope you all don't mind me stretching a little to be a part of the challenge conversation? Inner beauty - work on developing my long-term career goals (working on a publishable paper, researching PhD programs). Relationship - deal with my husband's negativity in more positive ways instead of perpetuating it. Outer beauty - work on figuring out the root cause of my Hashimoto'…
/r/RedPillWives21/06/17 05:17 PM
2

I would try pretty much any social activity, joining extracurriculars, doing intramural sports. You can at least expand the pool of guys you meet that way, but there's no guarantee they'll ask you out. You might have better luck trying to find activities that grad students or people out of college might be involved with (i.e. a salsa dancing lesson run by a dance club instead of the on campus club). I also went to a very liberal arts college and can attest to the reality that a lot of guys just …
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 06:15 AM
2

Does she have a plan for if something happens to you? Do you think she would manage?
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 05:58 AM
1

Yeah, we both worked out this type of plan. (And a different plan for if/when we have kids.) If he died, I'd get a roommate to help compensate for the lack of income. But I lived with roommates before and managed life alright after college on my own, so I'm not too worried about managing everything. I'd just save less for retirement than I am now. If we had kids, I'd prob pack up and move back in with my parents for more help with child care. I could persuade my current bosses to let me work rem…
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/17 05:57 AM
2

Men don't WANT women to carry the burden alone So this is something I can't figure out. When I hide that I'm struggling, he thinks everything is fine. He doesn't seem to think there's ANY burden on me, so he doesn't do anything to help. There was one week last year where I was so overwhelmed and overworked, I broke down crying on the kitchen floor. And he just said, "where did this come from? you seemed totally fine yesterday." If I show him that I'm struggling, then he's like "how can I help?" …
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 05:37 AM
1

I also realized: when we were long distance, he would be staring at a screen to talk to me and we'd have these great conversations for three hours. Now he's replaced that with staring at a TV screen for 3 hours. He'll still talk to me, but there's this other screen always there in the background. I gave up TV for Lent (partially because I was dying to just hang out with him after work to just talk like we used to). Instead of joining me, he just started eating dinners in another room without me …
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 05:15 AM
2

Eh, it may be hokey but I know it's a factor. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I'll almost deliberately misprioritize to avoid doing the thing that makes me anxious. (i.e., I'll do the dishes instead of working on that paper I'm nervous about, because it's easier for me to get started with the dishes). I think if I truly make health the priority, it will set the other things into proper place. If I get my thyroid fixed, the anxiety will significantly diminish and it will be easier to…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 05:11 AM
3

Actions, not words. You should figure out if you can live with his actions and stop putting hope in his words. Words are hollow. This is so true. It's been hard for me to figure this out because my family is very consistent in always following through on promises. If we say something, we mean it and it gets done. I just have to change my expectations. Honestly, I would have rather my husband said from the get go that he would expect me to do 100% of the household work / personal life management.…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 05:02 AM
2

This entire thread is such an object lesson in proper vetting imho. I don't disagree. I think I mistakenly thought that our values and his words meant something. Because we were always long-distance, I didn't see some of the danger signs. So let this be a lesson to other people vetting: it's a good idea to live nearby to get a better sense of some of these things. You married a man who is not driven I will say that he is very driven when it comes to work. He went to Stanford and has a very high …
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 03:44 AM
6

You cant spend your whole marriage sleeping apart. I won't judge whether this statement is true for everyone, but I'll say this: it makes him VERY sad that we sleep apart. He begged me to sleep with him almost every night before, but I had to put my foot down because it was ruining my health. He said that it makes him feel unloved at times because I won't sleep with him. I responded that until he figures out the sleep apnea stuff, I just can't do it because I won't get better without sleep. It m…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 03:33 AM
3

He'll say something with a sad, childlike voice: "But I wanna eat with youuu." As though I really don't want to eat with him. I want to eat with him, but I don't want to hear him bitch about how he can't eat out because of me. I would rather eat apart from them than hear his bitching. Or he'll say something like, "Why don't you just get an In-N-Out burger protein style with no cheese and no condiments?" And when I say, "No, I really don't want to eat that while you chow down on a normal burger n…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 03:26 AM
3

Thank you for your comment. It gives me some hope. All he takes care of is work. Here's my question: Does your husband ALSO expect you to work at a corporate job while doing all of these things for him? When we first got married and I was working at a less stressful part time job with fewer hours, I took care of everything and didn't ask him to chip in with the cleaning / cooking. It was the addition of stressful job with more hours that threw the health-school-work-home balance into something m…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/17 03:15 AM
6

The diet thing is so intensive, I feel like that's a macro goal on it's own. lol I guess my other goals would be: * Figure out how to deal with my husband's negativity in better ways. * Take the appropriate steps to further my academic career (i.e., research PhD programs and work on a paper to get published).
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 03:53 PM
5

It sucks when you agreed upon a division of labor and feel the other half isn't handling their part. Thank you! Part of the problem is that before we got married, he said that if we were both working full time (which I am, through work + school), we would split responsibilities. So I feel a bit betrayed now.
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 03:36 PM
2

Take charge of your own meals, stop blaming his pickiness for making you cheat on your medical diet. I didn't cheat. I do take responsibility for my meals. But it just causes a lot more conflict over food than would otherwise be the case. =/ Whenever I suggest that he should just go get himself McDonalds if that's what he wants, and I'll make something for myself at home that I can eat, he gets bent out of shape about it as though I don't really want to eat with him.
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 03:32 PM
6

My goals are: Figure out what the heck is causing my thyroid problem (Hashimoto's). A few years ago, I started having these weird allergic reactions to food + exercise. It looks like it might be histamine intolerance. I need to do this very extreme diet (where I cut out all foods and start bringing them back one by one) to see if a problem with what I'm eating is contributing to the problem. Follow up on a particular test I had done. The doctor said my results were negative, but after years of s…
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 01:12 PM
1

Because I love him. I didn't really know he had sleep apnea. Sure, he's overweight. But he's also faithful, and smart, and funny. He wants to provide for his family and be a good father. He's very humble when we do argue (even if he struggles with follow through later). We have similar values. We want to build one another up in our faith. There were two things that changed when we wed: (1) We started living together (after being long distance for a long time), so all of a sudden the failure to t…
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 01:06 PM
3

I do love him. We're also devoutly Catholic, so divorce isn't really an option. When I threatened to leave, it was basically due to a severe panic attack (which I can get when I'm off medication), but it was with the understanding that it would be a separation without the option to remarry. Can you lose some of your "dreams" and still love him? I think this is the question. I feel called my God to my vocation. To give it up would mean cutting off a part of myself. I would do it for him, but it w…
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 12:48 PM
3

You realize your entire "What have you done to resolve this problem?" is you nagging right? I cringed when I read it. I'm sorry. I genuinely don't see how agreeing to split responsibilities and having a checklist is inherently nagging. I guess I think of nagging as saying, "have you done x?" repeatedly until the other person does it. And I steadfastly avoided doing that. For example, when he stopped managing the grocery delivery, I didn't nag by asking "have you checked this?" I just started tak…
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 12:44 PM
3

Your expectations. What you wanted. In my defense, I did ask what chores he preferred to do out of the set of things that needed to be done. Ultimately, you're right. I have to worry about my own stuff. I'm not going to change him. So sit down with him and tell him you cannot do work, school and all the house stuff. DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT THIS. We did. He basically said it's my problem that I can't handle everything and compared me to his colleague's wife who is a lawyer and raising twins and manage…
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 12:29 PM
5

So I actually HATE nagging and try to avoid it whenever possible. The arguments over household chores was actually a series of attempts to NOT nag. By setting clear expectations around what I wanted him to do through lists, and having him keep tally himself, it meant that I wasn't nagging. I would just STFU rather than reminding him about the shit on his list. But after a month of looking at the to-do list and seeing a recurring pattern of him not meeting the goals, we had to have the conversati…
/r/RedPillWives14/06/17 11:58 AM
1

Good on you for not looking at the scale. I say this because your wife said that this is the most she's ever weighed. When I hit the most I ever weighed, it was due to a thyroid condition. I gained 10 pounds in a year, after having gained steadily over a couple years. I also found it hard to work up the motivation to exercise, but I ate better than most 25 year olds. I would skip meals all the time because I just wasn't hungry. Once I started treatment for my thyroid and went on a related diet, …
/r/askMRP14/06/17 10:25 AM
1

If you reread my comment, you'll see that I didn't say once that premarital sex is bad. Never used that term. I merely said that you should consider the potential ethical ramifications which almost always include children. I then cited how this idea informed my own decisions. I could have also cited the example of my parents. My parents are both atheists and didn't feel that they needed a piece of paper to prove they loved each other. They started living together and planned to stay together whe…
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/17 03:59 AM
3

Because I said that OP has to make up her mind what she thinks about abortion, I didn't consider it moralizing. The argument I made is one I would have made as an atheist. I never said that premarital sex is evil. I said - you have to seriously consider the ethical consequences of having sex (i.e. the responsibilities you may bear due to its consequences). This is true of any serious decision you make; why would sex be any different?
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/17 12:35 AM
6

My opinion on this is going to be controversial. If you know you don't want kids, you shouldn't be having sex. Unless your partner has been castrated or you've had a hysterectomy, there is no guarantee you won't get pregnant. All methods of birth control have some failure rate, and you are morally and legally responsible for your actions when you have sex. The question then is: if I want to have sex, would my partner and I kill our child, give it away, or raise it ourselves? If we raise the chil…
/r/RedPillWomen09/06/17 08:08 PM
-1

As a woman who has professed more interest in "dad boss," it's not exactly about being the "prettier" one. It's more about not being made self-conscious or pushed to exercise all the time by a meat head. That said, there's a difference between dad bod (think Jason Segel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and being obese. In other words, a bit of belly padding is fine. Double chin territory is not.
/r/TheRedPill16/03/17 04:29 AM
1

Find out the address of the place and mail him a letter! If it's in a foreign country, you might try sending it before he leaves. (You can put his home address as the return address if you think odds are high that it won't make it through.)
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/17 03:33 AM
4

Oh man, guys! So I had been debating whether to grab a steak to cook for dinner tonight. My narcissistic vegetarian father-in-law is coming to stay for the weekend, so we've got to finish all the meat in the fridge before Friday (I wish I was joking). Inspired by this post, I decided to pick up steak - got filet mignon, as it was the only steak at Trader Joe's that came in a serving size of two. Cooked it up along with roasted broccoli, roasted butternut squash, and some leftover mashed potatoes…
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/17 02:43 AM
1

The difference in hours between junior and senior isn't that much. The part you've quoted, about being a fund manager, isn't a much better option. Most fund managers work 60-70 hours a week instead of 80-100. Ultimately, I think you would be better off going into something else from the start. (1) those junior years as a financial analyst are also your prime dating years. If you are lucky enough to get a ring before spring (of your senior year), it will be very challenging for your marriage. You…
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/17 09:29 AM
1

Insisting that you lift weights with him, even if you hate it, is pretty immature. I've found that my man struggles sometimes with empathy. Putting things in this way forces him to put himself in my shoes, and he then comes to the conclusion he is being unreasonable without my having to say it. That being said, it's totally a matter of how you say it. You could say it in an immature way, or you could do it as a Socratic dialogue. If you can only imagine it in a petty way, then I think you're rig…
/r/RedPillWomen27/02/17 09:09 AM
2

I went the 4 name route, and it's been helpful through the name change transition (verifying identity for a credit card with a driver's license that no longer matches, etc.). That being said, I hate my husband's last name. It is a very famous name from a different ethnicity, associated with someone I don't particularly like. My deal with my husband was that I would keep my maiden name for professional purposes. I wanted to have the same last name as my children for family matters and my husband …
/r/RedPillWives26/02/17 08:36 AM
6

Option 1: say "I will only go lift weights with you if you come to one yoga class with me." When he balks, say that's how you feel about lifting weights. If he agrees to come and says it's not his thing, then say that's how you feel about lifting weights. If he actually likes it, then maybe you can try taking turns. Option 2: Propose a different workout solution, maybe something that combines elements of both. My husband and I do a fitness boot camp that involves cardio (which I love), strength …
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 04:59 AM
2

I think you may be confusing related but slightly different philosophies: r/theredpill vs. r/marriedredpill vs. r/redpillwomen. TRP: is all about maximizing your SMV, recognizing that women are inclined toward hypergamy, and seeing how feminism has encouraged women to settle for betas when they prefer alphas. Once you swallow the red pill, you have to decide whether you think - given the environment and your current status - you would rather spin plates or settle down with a unicorn "the perfect…
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 04:50 AM
1

Thank you for the tip!
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 02:50 AM
5

The important thing is that when you set a boundary like this, you have to enforce it. If you are going to say "I won't be your sugar mama," things are going to be tough and it will be hard to say no when he fails. The experience of hitting your boundary and rebounding because you've stood firm may shake him into changing his behaviors. In the end, this issue is not going to go away - especially overnight. When you marry him, you have to know that you will be dealing with the ramifications of hi…
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 02:48 AM
7

I agree that it's unnecessary to spend two years learning life skills that can be practiced in college. If you do want to be a financial analyst, you will have to learn how to juggle a lot of work. Learning RPW techniques in school will be better for that. However, I'm not sure that I would recommend ANY one who wants to have a sane home life work as a financial analyst. I'm assuming this is the type you mean, since you want a competitive college. My Ivy League friends who were financial analyst…
/r/RedPillWomen25/02/17 02:41 AM
0

If you're looking to dress feminine casual, I would try to find certain kinds of dresses. The floral a-lines tend to feel more dressy. I have a couple cotton, casual dresses that can be dressed up (with jewelry, a nice belt, etc) or dressed down (with a more comfy jacket, or more casual shoes). To give some examples, something more like this: https://www.modcloth.com/shop/casual-dresses/wowed-by-your-ways-jersey-dress/10092361.html?dwvar_10092361_color=HNVY&cgid=casual_dresses_111 https://www.mo…
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/17 06:21 AM
15

Use the baby as a weight to lift? Two birds with one stone...
/r/MarriedRedPill22/02/17 06:09 AM
1

Since you asked for opinions: it does strike me as a bit odd that a single woman and a dating man would plan this type of trip together. But maybe they found that they enjoyed traveling together in a larger group, or she asked him to join for safety in a foreign country. I can see why your BF might not have thought much of it. When you're in the early years of a relationship, you're testing things out. If this woman were more self-reflective, she would have realized he should check with you firs…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/17 01:19 PM
6

Women tend to be unhappy with something all the time. This! Today I yelled at my husband for turning the heater completely off because we have had the same conversation 4 times about how it often causes the heat to break and it messes me up in the mornings if it's too cold. RPW fail. I apologized a minute later and chilled out. The thing is, my husband does something like this at least once a day. Some stupid thoughtless thing that we have discussed multiple times. It would be easy for me to get…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/17 11:59 AM
2

If you can still handle being around her, stick it out for a couple months. You can also be direct with her and say, "I really don't see it that way, and I don't feel like arguing about it" if she keeps bringing up SJW topics. If she doesn't respect that you don't want to have those conversations, then that says something about her as a friend. Once you go off to college, you will have lots of chances to make new friends. Most people I know have their best lifelong friends from college, not from…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/17 11:43 AM
2

https://www.amazon.com/More-than-Happy-Wisdom-Parenting/dp/1501143603
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/16 01:55 PM
2

You can always do something like read while on an exercise bike, so that you don't have to choose. I also have some anxiety problems, but they are mostly related to a thyroid condition I have which I think developed in college due to stress / poor life habits. When my doctor started treating my thyroid, my anxiety diminished significantly. When your exams are over, you might investigate biological causes. Even then, I find exercise goes a long way in helping with the anxiety problems.
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/16 01:53 PM
1

I'm also an hourglass with a large top half. I've started shopping at Pepperberry because shopping anywhere (even Modcloth!) requires a sack-like waist to fit properly in the chest. http://www.bravissimo.com/pepperberry/products/sale/tops/casual-tops/breton-tee/coral-stripe/ http://www.bravissimo.com/pepperberry/products/tops/knitwear/jacquard-detail-jumper/berry/pt428bry/ My husband has been very happy since I started buying clothes from them. He complained when he first saw the bill, but all c…
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/16 01:47 PM
1

Trying to change this shit last minute is just rocking a boat she clearly doesn't want to rock. This is so true. Women plan things far in advance and changing plans two weeks before a major holiday would probably cause family drama. I think she could buy into your vision if you actually cast it instead of demanding it. In the meantime, you need something for this year and your in-laws sound tedious. I've got similar problems - they're always bickering and being negative, not about politics, but …
/r/askMRP13/12/16 07:56 AM
2

Go to fitness bootcamp 4 days a week with the hubby. Make sure to take all my doctor recommended medications and supplements. Only watch TV with other people, not as a solitary activity. Send the wedding Thank Yous! Post photos to Facebook. Get to inbox zero.
/r/RedPillWomen04/12/16 07:31 AM
1

Lol. Love the edit! Everything you've described here is textbook narcissism. You should check out the book Boundaries and/or Children of the Self-Absorbed. I personally enjoyed Toxic In-Laws, but found Toxic Parents less helpful. I did know someone who ended up "making" money on their wedding though - they got more in gifts than they spent. They had the wedding at their church (close to free) and then held the reception for 300 people in a restaurant. The wedding was about $15,000, but they got …
/r/RedPillWomen29/11/16 04:10 PM
3

My husband and I waited until marriage (25 for me, 27 for him). None of the men I dated were upset by the fact that I hadn't had sex before. I was not upset that my husband hadn't had sex before. Everybody thinks it will be horribly awkward when two virgins have sex. It wasn't awkward; it was really beautiful. Wait until the time is right. It's a day you'll never forget. Don't lose your virginity just because you feel like you're too old. Any man worth your time will respect that you have higher…
/r/RedPillWives29/11/16 05:56 AM
4

This. OP wasn't leading in a fun, sexy way. OP became an insulting drill sergeant. (I don't know how offering a "boob job" as a reward is anything but insulting and self-esteem killing.) That doesn't excuse his wife's behavior, but I don't think I would cite this as successful RPing.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/11/16 05:43 AM
3

A friend of mine had a lot of success with Coffee Meets Bagel. It's also less hook-up-y than Tinder.
/r/RedPillWomen29/11/16 05:35 AM
1

This isn't the exact same situation, but my husband's family and my family are very culturally different (interracial marriage). They also live within 2 miles of each other. His family was offended that my family wouldn't pay for the entire wedding; my family was offended that his family basically expects us to conform to their culture even though they don't respect ours. The wedding involved many compromises. In the end, my husband and I paid for most of it so that we wouldn't be beholden to th…
/r/RedPillWomen29/11/16 05:32 AM
2

My parents got married at 19/20. They're the happiest married couple I know. Sometimes people beat "the odds." I asked my dad how he knew my mom was the woman to marry. He said, "I just knew." I didn't think that was a helpful answer, but within a few months of reconnecting with my now husband at 23, I "just knew." We were married by 25 (27 for him). I would have happily gotten married at a younger age and was looking at 19, but I didn't meet the right guy until after college. So I guess I don't…
/r/RedPillWomen29/11/16 05:12 AM
1

I've been in the opposite position for a while: recently married woman with thyroid problems (with fatigue and anxiety as a result). It was very hard for my husband to appreciate how much of my action or inaction was dictated by my condition. He definitely thought I was just being lazy for the first few months of marriage. Things really changed when I got a diagnosis and went on medication that helped with the anxiety; I was able to do more than I could before, and the change he saw in me confir…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/11/16 08:06 AM
1

Make sure you go to the Modcloth sale section - they'll have a lot of expensive stuff, but you can find great alternatives on sale! Their expensive dresses also seem to be longer lasting / well-fitted. It's better to have one dress that gets you compliments every time you wear it and will last a decade than three dresses that don't flatter you and wear within the year. The only bad thing you have to be careful about with Modcloth is length - if you're of average height, a lot of their dresses wi…
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/16 11:39 PM
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