Help me please - value

Kara__El · 2019-01-03T14:30:23+00:00

You have a lot of anecdotal responses that, frankly, aren't the norm and therefore, aren't going to be very helpful. You can also get those from literally any other subreddit. You go guuuurl! So I'll give the advice you won't get elsewhere.

You have to be realistic about what you offer, which you seem to have down. Now, you just have to be realistic about what you can get. The average height of American men is 5' 9.5" and 2/3 of them will experience significant hair loss by age 35. These are facts. Don't narrow your pool by being overly picky and fighting against such facts. The competition is fierce.

Most of the men interested in dating you will be in their early forties or their late 30s. Few will be your age. Embrace that. Work to find men in this age range attractive. Bonus: most of these men will have been married to unpleasant women, so personality will likely be higher on their list of priorities. Many of them will have children of their own and likely will not want more this late in life. Decide how you feel about that and if it's a dealbreaker. Prepare to be a stepmom, not only because of the likelihood he'll have kids, but the greater ease you'll have connecting with someone who understands what it's like to be a parent. It's not a bad thing to have this in common and it makes your ability and willingness to homeschool even more of an asset.

Finally, assuming you really are ready, get moving. They aren't going to knock on the front door. Join a church group or go to a Meet Up or just get an online dating profile. If you do the latter, have a friend help you choose honest photos and develop an appealing and brief profile. Be on the lookout for good men and keep in mind that they'll differ from the Prince Charming you had in your head at 19.

Zegiknie · 2019-01-03T12:21:43+00:00

For a young man just starting out, you do have little value. For a divorced dad or a widower who wants his kids homeschooled and isn't raking in all that much, you are godsend.

I double checked with my husband. He agrees. As long as you're not a pain, any single dad would be lucky to have you.

g_e_m_anscombe · 2019-01-04T03:15:46+00:00

The biggest problem is not your SMV. As everyone has said, you have major assets that would make it easy for you to find a man if you have realistic standards.

The problem is what standard you are using to vet men. You have picked badly twice in the past. You need to figure out why you picked badly before and identify what criteria would have helped you weed out the men with problems. Only if you do this will you avoid making the same mistakes. The most important thing about a man is not what he looks like or how much money he makes, but his character. Look for a man of high character!

leilavanora · 2019-01-03T12:32:06+00:00

This might be anecdotal but I was just at a wedding last week where the bride was 42 years old with two kids and the groom was a never married eye surgeon and the most “presidential” person I’ve ever met. He gets chosen for every leadership position. She is a power woman but she absolutely dotes on him and I think that plays a big part. Men will see that and appreciate that.

whatevescom · 2019-01-03T19:03:35+00:00

I believe that I am the man you are looking for. Let me explain some ways that it’s been messed up by other women I have dated.

Meeting the kid too soon. Talk about your son all you want, but if I meet them too soon, I lose respect immediately. I know I am a good man, but you don’t know me at all. Good men will walk away if you don’t have respect for yourself and your son. Many women say “you won’t meet him for 6 months... suddenly two weeks in its all out the window.

I have dated successful women, and I have dated women that used others in their life to get where they are. One person I dated talked about having her own home and how she did it all. In a conversation with her mother months down the line I learned she got the house due to marrying and divorcing an engineer, then her parents bought her out of the failed marriage and now she has a house. She was a liar, and I later learned that mom and dad also buy groceries and gifts for the kids because she is terrible with money.

Sex too fast. I can’t tell you three dates, six dates, or some silly metric for when the time is right. But I can tell you that when things moved too fast I backed off. I prefer to not just have random notches in my belt, so I usually wait a few weeks or a month or two to get to know someone. When it comes easy, I just assume you don’t respect yourself and that it wasn’t really a prize.

Forgetting what dating should be. So many people I date just go to drinks and food, then want to fuck. Let’s go to a botanical garden, let’s go walk the harbor and eat ice cream, invite me to something you enjoy like a lecture or hunting. Dating to me should involve friends, passions, interests. So often dates resemble an outing that would better match an anniversary dinner than a first date. I happen to think you learn a lot about someone if you grocery shop with them. How do they plan their meals, how in tune with money are they. Are they reactionary or prone to spontaneous fun. Can they make mundane tasks interesting? How do they handle crowds and potentially rude people... more of our life will be in the actual upkeep of it than in restaurants with fancy food and movie nights out on the town.

I think your greatest strength is knowing what you want and having a healthy outlook on how relationships actually are, instead of the romantic bs we all sell ourselves. Of course you will need to find a man that understands his role as a leader, someone who can do that effectively without being a tyrant. I think if you are upfront about your intentions of building a relationship with someone, and waiting to engage in the sexual relationship you will find the man you are looking for. I wouldn’t tell someone about the full belly empty balls thing, just show him through your actions, I have seen some men take advantage of women in your situation because they were looking for a “mom” to take care of them. You are trying to find a man that understands the mutual benefits of being in a relationship, but that means he earns it and brings something else to the table.

International_Aioli · 2019-01-03T17:21:32+00:00

The fact is none of us knows if you'll meet the one. Don't listen to people saying you definitely will meet someone but also ignore anyone who says you absolutely won't. Just try! Online dating may be the ticket for you. I think first you highlight what you bring to the table in terms of homeschooling your kids, your other interests, that you live on a farm and love it, etc. Most people with a brain will see a 30-something woman with kids and know you are probably divorced. It's not like it'll be some huge shock, and any man who is not interested in a woman with kids who is divorced won't even click on your profile anyway.

These days most people who are single into their 30s and 40s have some baggage. I highly doubt a divorced guy with or without kids is going to seriously judge you for being divorced with kids. And statistically, men who are divorced in your age group are far more likely to get married again than men who are in your age group and have never been married. I'd get online, make a profile (even post your descriptions here for feedback) and just start dating! What do you have to lose?

Edited to add: I do think you need to understand what you did wrong in your past relationships. It sounds like you'r man picker is not well honed. Are you confident you can sniff out bad eggs now? If you choose the same man over and over you will have the same results, and that is entirely within your control.

CaliEd256 · 2019-01-04T06:41:17+00:00

I’ve posted some nice stuff, but I’m going to hit you with a hard truth. In INITIAL attraction, how attractive you are is the ONLY thing that matters. That’s it, nothing else. If you want a gem of a guy, being hot as possible is going to help immensely.

Spazzy19 · 2019-01-03T17:08:19+00:00

Focus on your own value within and what you know you can offer someone. Sure, having a kid and being twice divorced will raise red flags to some, but if various men are willing to look past it and get to know you more, then take that opportunity to utilize your other skills and attributes. To be told you have NO value is inaccurate. I think I’d be more concerned at this rate on vetting the kind of man you DO want and not just accepting or settling men with the pattern you’ve been attracting in the past which has led to the divorces. What red flags did you ignore in the past while dating them, etc?

I’m about to be 35 and ended up getting divorced at 32 - no kids thankfully. My SO is 8 yrs older and has a 10 yr old too - I’m grateful for the age because his daughter is more Independent and we can still have a lot of dedicated “us” time. Even though you do have a daughter, I think it’s definitely different trying to date with one her age vs toddler age.

[deleted] · 2019-01-04T02:02:17+00:00

As long you know where you are on the SMV and lovingly accept men that resembles your SMV, you’ll be fine. You won’t get the top 20% high value men to commit to you but there is the other 80%.

Like someone else mentioned, do the best with what you have and that’s really all you can do. You won’t have the dating pool of a childless 20 year old woman but it is what it is.

yoyo01323 · 2019-01-03T14:10:15+00:00

It’s gonna be hard. A lot of men see women with kids as a burden. I personally feel like men are starting to see women as burden regardless lol

Don’t lose hope though. A real man will take you as you are. Just don’t settle because of your want to be a wife and To have someone. You determine your value. No one else can do that. You can not be a pain and still be devalued. So be you.

sonder_one · 2019-01-03T16:44:18+00:00

You are right. You do have little value. And you have a lot of negatives. Anyone trying to tell you otherwise is pushing blue pill nonsense.

The advice is still the same. RPW isn't about achieving some absolute measure of success. It's about making the best of what you have. Your best will not be as good as someone else's best, but it is still better than where you are now. Make the best of yourself that you can and use it to snag the best man that you can. What else is there to say?

r2401 · 2019-01-03T18:44:26+00:00

You should be fine. Many guys such as myself would never date a single mom, but many would. You don't seem to have unrealistic expectations so I don't see why you'd have trouble finding a decent husband

Title	Help me please - value
Author	oh-captain-mycaptain
Upvotes	51
Comments	60
Date	January 3, 2019 8:47 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ac3ves/help_me_please_value/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/help-me-please-value.68053 https://theredarchive.com/post/68053

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