TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Ok-Guidance6491 Archive

View 25 posts and 524 comments by Ok-Guidance6491 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
99

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:07 AM
84

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 01:32 AM
80

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:18 AM
67

HumourOk-Guidance6491/r/MensRights06/11/24 11:09 PM
62

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 10:07 PM
58

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 05:44 AM
50

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 09:22 PM
44

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 03:13 PM
44

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 05:43 AM
40

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:15 PM
36

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 07:05 PM
35

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 04:56 AM
27

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 10:39 PM
24

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:33 PM
23

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:52 AM
15

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 06:37 PM
11

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 01:50 PM
9

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 03:05 AM
9

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 08:21 AM
8

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 07:22 PM
3

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 01:51 AM
2

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 08:15 AM
1

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 06:52 PM
0

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 05:31 PM
0

Ok-Guidance6491/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 05:03 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

That’s the cure, brother. Never lose that sense of humor. It will save you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:36 AM
1

💯
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:33 AM
7

Ironically, I told the first woman I dated post divorce “you should just take down my ex wife’s number and ask her how bad I am”. She didn’t find it as funny I thought. Maybe she instinctively knew that the door might swing both ways. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 08:29 PM
1

Really? I regularly see men admitting that they weren’t the best husbands in the divorce men forum. All I see women say in their sub is that they are victims and brave heroes. I never hear any of them admit to failing on their own part of the relationship. Or am I just misreading your sarcasm?
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 02:20 AM
7

I agree. I just got banned for calling out a woman who said that she thought that women who filed should be considered “brave” or “heroic”. I defined that heroic isn’t selfish. I got banned for not being supportive and being “helpful”. Isn’t it funny? Asking someone to use words in the way they are defined is not helpful. Apparently all you are allowed to do is tell people what they want to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 09:25 PM
5

I burned the old photos and deleted the videos. Then I went back and got a software recovery program and got most of the videos back. She was beautiful and she actually bought me the camera as a anniversary gift one year. It’s strange I can see some videos where is clearly unhappy, some where she loves being adored, and others where she (we) are really in love. I don’t regret it. Sometimes I watch them. Sometimes I don’t. Most men aren’t as lucky as I was to have so many.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 09:56 PM
18

Guys cheat out of opportunity. Women cheat when they are done.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 11:26 PM
6

Yes I would. And not just for the kids. That’s too easy to say. We had about 13 years together before kids, and most of them were great. It’s too easy after all is done to say that you don’t want your freedom. Nobody made my decisions for me. That’s what freedom is. I’ll accept my mistakes along with my victories. She was a great girl for a long time. Too bad she flipped at the end.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 09:35 PM
2

It takes a while, but over time you will truly realize how unfair things were to you, and how she doesn’t have any power over you anymore. You are free. That becomes more powerful with time. Never again give commitment to anyone but your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 12:10 AM
1

It’s a herd mentality. Stay in the group. Do whatever the other girls do, even if it’s retarded. An ancient survival instinct.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 10:58 PM
6

Go read any post from a female in the divorce or marriage subreddits. They only post a one-sided story in order to get validation. There are a few diamonds but 90% of them don’t care about facts, only having their feelings validated. So I don’t see the point in therapy because it is only about validating feelings. Either she gets the therapist to see it her way or she won’t want to go if the therapist sees it your way. It’s not about you. It’s all about her. Again, not all, but most.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 10:55 PM
7

I get it. Strangely she isn’t really emotionally along more than you, which is actually why she is having the affair/monkey branch. She hasn’t actually dealt with shit yet….but she will eventually…after you have moved on.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 06:49 AM
2

I actually quit drinking for a while during the divorce and then ended up with a problem in the year that followed.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 08:37 AM
6

It takes time for the attachment to ease up. You never forget, but you lose the enmeshment and codependence.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 08:10 AM
2

I always pay, but my current girl always tries to buy a round when I am not looking, she always says thank you for dinner, and she always repeats that she just wants to spend time with me. Like the other guy said: trust your gut.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 08:02 AM
6

Sounds like BPD right? Sounds exactly like sport to me. What’s really crazy is the later part of Gilbert’s life. She eventually dumped the Latin guy. Became a lesbian. Then let took her female partner on a drug-filled world tour all the while knowing that her partner was dying of cancer. When the woman was on her deathbed, she abandoned her with some BS therapy speak like, “I allow you to die” and even contemplated “helping her process along” aka murdering her. Look it up. It’s in her latest boo…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 07:53 AM
2

True that!
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 08:17 PM
5

This is harsh but probably the best advice you need to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 08:16 PM
2

She hates herself for what she has done/is doing. She can’t accept that she might be bad, so it must be your fault. She’s perfect so it can’t be her. It must be you…the man. And not only is that natural for a woman, but nowadays the culture reinforces that message over and over.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 09:03 PM
1

It’s projection. I know that sounds like a cope but you will see it so clearly after a year or so. People don’t change. She will go back to real personality.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 05:08 PM
13

What you really have to understand is their inherent feeling of fear. Emotional fear. They need emotional safety. They need material safety. If the emotions are flat, they don’t feel attracted to you. If you push for sex they feel pressure and therefore unsafe. If they make more money than you, they don’t feel financially safe.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 05:02 PM
2

It’s way too soon but it’s probably best to go ahead and make all the mistakes so you can learn. Don’t talk about ex. Don’t talk about male/female dynamics (although you should reeducate yourself on all the pickup artist/ RP stuff) Be decisive. Take the lead. Try to maintain the mindset that you could take it or leave it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 08:35 AM
1

Why do guys write stuff like this? Why does he care? Because they were f@cking married, Dude! It’s called being in love. It’s totally valid to miss your ex spouse. You should do research on all of those people that talk about validation and co-dependency. Gottman: married 3 times. Dr. Glover: on his 3rd marriage to a woman young enough to be his daughter and who he calls his “Mexican whore”.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 08:28 AM
3

It’s a mix of Nature and Nurture. It’s always been there, but now the culture is making it really easy to be a perpetual victim.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 08:24 AM
3

It’s a performance! She’s afraid if she shows emotion in front of you her nerve will break. Plus she probably has a personality that avoids conflict, right? It really helped me to realize that it is a defense mechanism. My ex was always like an ostrich. Her whole family tended to sweep things under the rug and not talk about difficult things. What you are seeing is her way of avoiding it. A bit chicken shit yes, but it helps at least to know that it’s actually BECAUSE it’s a big deal for her tha…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 08:22 AM
0

Of course she wants to change her mind and keep the house; home ownership just keeps getting more difficult. She will use shame (bad father) to try to get her way but ultimately it’s gonna come down to the law. No doubt she thinks she deserves this due to her time in the prison of marriage to him.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 08:01 AM
5

It sucks because you actually believe in marriage as you should and it sounds like she doesn’t. The irony is (as a man) you have to be able to walk away from the marriage in order to save the marriage. The more chores you do, the more you accommodate her, the more bad treatment you accept, the more she will lose respect and attraction for you. It’s backwards.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 07:47 AM
3

You’re doing it right. Be glad you don’t have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 07:41 AM
3

Church won’t be much better. Biggest green flag for me is when they don’t talk a lot of trash on the ex-husband. Even if he was at fault for spoiling the marriage. But to find that out you have to go on at least one date. It’s worth it. Even then, you have to make sure you find them attractive. Even then, why ever get married again?
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 04:24 AM
0

Okay. Go read a story where a man cheats and the response will be “he is a POS”. Now go read a story where a woman admits to cheating, and the first response will be “what did the man do to make you cheat?”
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 05:58 PM
1

Good advice but…Dave chapelle
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 08:06 AM
2

Haha. “Why is it so quiet in here? Talking bout whores people!”
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 04:03 AM
2

Very good points. I already had the family and kids, so yeah, I am not doing that again. And you’re right, if the world was telling me how awesome I was everyday I would also get cocky. Now, I wouldn’t have cheated and blown up my family but I could see the danger with the inflated ego.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:01 AM
2

I hear you. Basically, I have the same strategy. I try to meet them IRL as soon as I possible. Deal with them on a case by case basis. I gotta stop listening to the internet.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:58 AM
4

100% agree with everything you said there. I think it’s just the way we are both wired. Btw - I was VERY handy and it still didn’t help.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:53 PM
11

Thanks but I kinda think the percentage of whores is on the rise and has been. And yes I know about 60-80% of men have always been whores depending on how you define it. And I’d even say the same percentage of male assholes, myself included (although most men just say I am funny 😉) I guess my issue is with that persistent assumption of “sugar and spice” versus “frogs and snails”, which actually I am also okay with. I just don’t like the “men are bad” reflex, I think that is a newer societal tren…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 06:09 PM
4

Sorry that happened. I know men have led the stats for a long time regarding infidelity, but I also believe men aren’t as good about covering their tracks. I do mean chauvinist and not misogynist. I don’t hate women, but I am resisting the notion that men are “better”, which is probably worse. The truth is, as a man, I believe in the same type of honor and accountability that most men value. I find women justify based on feelings and are worried more about reputation damage. Men usually GAIN rep…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 04:23 PM
10

Skepticism: the result of applying logic to a claim instead of believing based on identity or emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 04:17 PM
3

Yeah I once heard a based woman say “some men leave the girl after the sexual conquest, some women do the same after the commitment is given”. Not all men or women, but definitely a theme as far as what is valued by which sex. Regarding dating, one thing that first surprised me is the attraction women have towards my fatherhood. I find the more emotionally healthy ones understand how protective I am of my kids. The more unhealthy find it a turn on and push quicker to meet my kids. But they all h…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 04:06 PM
2

Yeah. I mean I could easy generalize about men, and I’d be mostly correct, but as always I am afraid of getting blocked or banned by the censors of this lovely platform.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 04:01 PM
1

You’re getting a lot of downvotes so I’ll defend you a bit. I don’t really agree but you’re not completely wrong. She does need him more than ever, but she won’t realize that for years to come. And the vulnerability you advise is really a turnoff at his stage. At this critical stage, it isn’t connection that is needed (although that’s often the advice from female psychologists) it’s ATTRACTION. she is being attracted away from him. So he needs to get his identity/masculinity back for himself. At…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:59 PM
1

Your opinion is fair (and a common one these days). But the evidence becomes overwhelming. How many times do I have to interact with a cat before learning they aren’t like dogs?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:51 PM
3

That is horrible. Really sorry. Talk about everyone being in a really awkward situation in the family from there on. Hopefully everyone sees their treachery and your honor.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:46 PM
3

Thanks dude. I appreciate the rational dialog. (So tempted to make a generalization but will refrain 😉) best of luck to you too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:42 PM
5

Well that’s part of the problem. I’ve seen the patterns, and it seems like biology, and that applies to men also. It’s like Mother Nature’s little joke on us all. But of course, even having that opinion might get me banned by the thought police that “moderate” this platform.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:38 PM
3

😂
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:35 PM
3

You’re right, that’s really the heart of it. Just don’t offer commitment anymore. Cause that’s what they are always going to pursue. And I’ve noticed as we all get older, when you give certainty about a “relationship”, they get bored or escalate (despite any earlier conversations).
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:35 PM
2

That is a solid point. But was youthful lust was the only thing thing we listed in the first place? Maybe we weren’t so naive as young men.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:32 PM
9

Thanks that’s a pretty fair critique. But I am logical and science based. I noticed Reddit seems to be a pretty left-of-center place, and lately the Left seems to want to push Nurture over Nature. I know I speak in broad terms, but there is a lot of evolutionary biology/psychology to back up my generalizations. I don’t like it, but I’m learning to accept it. Btw - if you want to argue the heterosexuality angle just look up the divorce rate for lesbians versus gay men. Former is the highest, latt…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 09:56 AM
1

Not sure what “the issues” were but I would guess it’s a lot of typical man/woman stuff. Emasculation, lack of communication, mind-reading, etc. If so, I would highly recommend Allison Armstrong. If it’s more inside of you, then maybe research midlife crisis. Especially if you tend to be the avoidant type.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 09:34 AM
1

I agree that people don’t change. But after 20 years together I would conclude that they should try again. 5 years might have just been a phase. Why is everyone on Reddit so pro-divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 09:29 AM
3

Welcome to the club. It’s hell. You’re gonna be in denial for at least 4-6 months. It gets better after a year. You start feeling like yourself after 2 years. You definitely are not in a correct state of mind to make major decisions, but you will be forced to anyway. Sorry. Honestly though, she isn’t playing with a full deck either, so at least that is fair. Best I can say is not to believe the words or emotions she is giving you. It’s all an act. She is hurting too but too afraid to let you see…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 09:20 AM
6

I am guessing about 1%. Probably less. My ex was a real gem until midlife crisis/perimenopause hit. Her childhood caught up with her. She couldn’t control her emotions or use her words like an adult.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:42 AM
1

Yeah I am starting to think if people can’t keep oaths/vows, then that is the end of our civilization. Dramatic I know, but seriously, the whole thing is built upon oath-taking.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:33 AM
1

What’s even worse is their comment section. It’s okay. The system will self correct. I have two boys who will probably never get married or have families. We will all be replaced by a different culture with the old values. The not-so-selfish ones.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:31 AM
9

Okay I realize it is a broad brush, but do me one favor: Search Reddit for a story of a man cheating and read the reactions. Then do the same for a story of a woman cheating. Also it’s not that I don’t believe good women exist, it’s that they are an extreme minority.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:24 AM
1

Wouldn’t you just file a QDRO? To get your half of it transferred. And you must not have been married that long if you’ve been divorced just as long and still dealing with this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:10 AM
1

😂
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:09 AM
3

I found out about an “emotional” affair only after my divorce was final, which is really just monkey-branching. She is still dating the guy. And he is also her co-worker. In my case, trying to save the marriage only made it worse. Chasing is such a turnoff. And it gives her a big ego to have two men chasing. Honestly my advice would be to get out of the house and go get your own life back. Look up enmeshment and codependency. The more you regain your own sense of self, the more attractive you wi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:05 AM
1

So many of our stories are so similar and I have become convinced over the 2 years post divorce that she is having a midlife crisis. Personally, I kinda take a personal pleasure in how much my face seems to upset her lately. Over the last few months, she just gets irritated if she has to be near me while I pick up the kids. Quite a different vibe to what she was during the divorce and immediately after. She would smile, flirt, or be super indifferent and cold. She would stop by to drop the kids …
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:51 AM
3

Caught her taking sexy selfies in a bikini. She said she was “documenting her weight loss journey”.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:43 AM
6

Yup. I will say this. I have dated only two women who truly had no ill will towards their husbands, and they were both smokers. Tiny sample size I know but I wonder if it has something to do with having a bad habit which they are fully aware of and translating that ownership to other aspects of life. Seems to be the only criteria so far separating the honest from the reputation-minded.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:31 AM
6

I remember how fragile I was during my divorce but if I could go back I feel like I would have fought for full custody. Especially if my ex had been so blatant and emotionally damaging to the kids. I know the courts are biased but surely the judge could see how that is bad parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:12 AM
11

I love how most commentators on Reddit can’t just answer the question and feel the need to say something like “let her go” or “you’re giving her too much space in your mind”. Like some sort of back-handed superiority. If your so superior, then what are you doing in this forum? Here’s my answer. 2 years to feel normal again. I can still watch my ex’s crazy behavior without wanting her back.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 08:37 PM
3

I definitely think you shouldn’t rush back into the market. I am dating again now after taking a year off. Much better this time. Not pushing for sex or validation but yes it is fun to hang out with someone my age and that has that feminine charm. But I’ll admit you have to sift through a fair amount of mismatches. Not really that different from my youth. But really dating is not that hard as long you don’t feel you need to.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 04:50 AM
3

If you mean why are women cheating, I’d say it’s mostly the technology and anonymity of our current times. The shame is a little less but mostly still there. The difference is they can now get away with it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 10:11 AM
1

And exacerbated by their moms who are also likely from divorced homes.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 12:42 AM
2

They are loyal to their feelings. They think feelings equal reality.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 12:40 AM
5

Wish I could get there. Two years post divorce and I still find the woman hot. Wouldn’t ever live with her again but would be willing to pull a Chad on her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 11:06 PM
2

Have you ever considered piracy?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 05:17 PM
2

Opposite problem here. With all 3 of the women post divorce I have had trouble getting there. 2 of the women I found very attractive. Mental block maybe. Trying to courteous maybe or just not in love. I shocked you found a compatible woman without mental problems. Of course you said she never married and had never had kids. That helps….sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 02:31 PM
1

I don’t buy into the idea that the woman “grieves the relationship” before she decides to end things. Instead I think most of them have a psychic split and go into a delusion. That’s why you hear them still talking about it 7 years later. They don’t process. They run away. They can’t make mature decisions.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 02:12 PM
9

Don’t be so sure about how well off she is. She putting on a performance right now. Late 30’s is not a good prospect for women in the dating scene, and I doubt she has emotionally processed the breakup. Being emotional isn’t the same as being emotionally intelligent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 03:55 PM
1

😘
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 10:52 PM
5

Yes this sounds like a version of “using you to get over you”.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 04:08 AM
5

You mean Affluent White Female Urban Liberal?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:54 AM
1

It’s doesn’t matter. We met at 17 and lasted 27 years. I was the “bad boy” and the “good husband”. Perimenopause and MLC and the culture all conspire to produce the same effect: betrayal and no accountability. Just self-pity with a cheerleading section
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:51 AM
1

They can’t help but compare themselves. It’s written into their code.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:48 AM
1

Yup
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:46 AM
2

Well the problem is if an older man HAD tried to warn you when you were young, you would have said “thanks but I good one. You just must have picked badly old guy”. Ha
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:46 AM
6

Ozempic. And Botox. And Lazer Thermage. Was having an emotional affair with her boss. They are still dating. But I can tell you the “replay” phase of MLC didn’t last. Many start off as “high energy replayers” but lapse back into low energy wallowing. First Xmas party one year post divorce she was jumping into every photo op and trying to be the life of the party. Next year Xmas party she showed up for 5 mins and then went home. Couldn’t keep up the facade. No more smiles. She seems down and gene…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:42 AM
4

I think it is instinctual. And bad advice from other toxic women.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:33 AM
1

I understand that argument/feeling but I do think there is a way to navigate without feeling fake. It’s nuanced but possible.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 09:39 PM
5

About a year. Much better. Back to like 70% of my old self. After two years back to around 90%.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 06:56 AM
17

I hear you man. I am in the same boat. I’ve learned to just try to enjoy yourself. Enjoy their company for as long as it lasts. Try to be polite and fair. Are you hoping to find a new wife? I am not. I am just trying to enjoy female energy. My real job is being a dad…as I see it. But I cannot only have kid talk. I need adult company from time to time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 06:52 AM
2

Dude. Go look up midlife crisis! Yes, it does happen to women too. And usually it takes the form of histrionic personality disorder.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 03:46 AM
2

I actually make videos on my invisible little YT channel, which in my humble opinion are more honest than most of the click-bait stuff preying on hurt men. Maybe it could help you. https://youtu.be/RWuv6Po4p7U?si=Efh00s57HUpPIMHy
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 07:53 PM
7

Let me guess. She’s around 40, just hit perimenopause, had a troubled childhood, tends to be avoidant and shutdown?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:00 PM
2

Yeah cut him some slack. It takes a while to break habits. Don’t forget what it felt like for all of us to detach. It takes time. You’re a normal guy, OP. Don’t listen to the judgement.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 04:36 AM
2

It’s weird cause what I find is that for some reason when I have sex with a new woman it somehow always makes me think about my ex. Specifically about whether she does the same thing(s) with her new guy that the new girl just did with me. And I know the answer is…yes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 04:31 AM
3

I appreciate that. Literally seems like an ID issue when you are trying to pick a new last name at random. Still curious if other guys have stories of something so strange and blatantly an identity crisis.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 07:26 AM
1

Hey. I made this and other videos because I wish someone had made them when I was going through it a couple of years ago. https://youtu.be/qz-3wgH747c?si=WwkpakhbFb2zTZ-l I also have other videos including one that specifically gives you a timeline of what to expect. Not trying to make money off this. Just trying to help other guys in their time of need. Give a listen if you get time. Maybe it helps.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 01:33 AM
2

Oops. There was supposed to be a link to a video. https://youtu.be/Qiww9Y-9l-k?si=IUMjHSBZnySjuYnX I’ll warn you it’s very academic but I swear it helps explain a lot of the broader topics around divorce and even helps gets distance and peace.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 04:53 PM
5

Those two statements are very indicative of an affair. Sorry but it holds up. It’s hard. It’s going to completely suck for a few weeks. It’s gets better after a few months but you will continuously relapse. Just hang in there. After a year you gain some clarity and peace. After two years it’s so much better.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 01:09 PM
1

I couldn’t see your full reply but I am sorry you got cheated on. That changes everything in my book.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 12:32 AM
1

She doth protest too much, me thinks. See guys, this is why I made the video.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 05:13 PM
6

It feels like that now, but slowly (very slowly) you will gain perspective and realize that this is about her and not you (well a little about you). Infidelity isn’t an oops mistake, it’s a series of choices. You can’t make her happy. You can only make yourself happy, and same for her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 09:17 PM
1

Yeah actually I have a take on the lack of accountability AND the type of women who have a ton of baggage. I know it’s long and cerebral but I think it does help explain.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 04:27 AM
4

Yeah I find that apart from the loss of someone you love, it’s also the shock of how fine she looks, and the loss of identity. It’s a triple whammy. Also it’s the loss of future.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:16 AM
11

“I tried to remarry my ex-wife but she realized I was just after my money”. 😂 My video is for recently divorced guys, but I know where you are coming from, sir.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 07:21 PM
6

I didn't sleep for about 10 days after she told me. Maybe just an hour each day. Not kidding. The next month was much better. Get ready to lose a lot of weight too.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 01:53 PM
2

we considered something similar early on. It didn't happen. Honestly the less you jostle the kids around the better they will be. Main complaint from adult kids of divorce is the constant shuffling.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 01:52 PM
6

I used to tell my ex “you make the simple complicated”.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:43 AM
27

Yup. Drama. They love it. They don’t want power because power comes with responsibility/accountability. What they want is the privilege of judging and complaining your decisions without the burden of making decisions themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:41 AM
3

Same story here.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:27 PM
3

I think it’s age related. At first we sat down the kids and said it was mutual. Post divorce I openly told my oldest that it was his mom’s idea. He is 14. I don’t tell him about the affair. Funny side story, only after my divorce did my dad tell me that my mom cheated on him back in their 50’s. Not sure I would’ve been happy staying in my marriage now that I’ve seen “happy older couples ”.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 05:25 PM
2

The closest I’ve ever heard is a woman telling others that they have regrets. One was a woman on Reddit regretting her midlife crisis and saying “she did horrible things to the man she loved”. Only a comment, not a post. The other was a woman I was dating post divorce saying she felt a ton of guilt years after divorcing her first husband. I may get censored for this but: you have to realize that women don’t typically look at accountability the way men do. They use criticism and shame to judge an…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 02:25 AM
2

Holy shit that’s really similar to my story. I thought I did good lasting 27 years. Maybe it just took her so long to pay off the student loans. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 02:18 AM
2

It’s a common story. It’s totally expected after spending so long with someone intimately. It takes time. I’ve heard it compared to an orange that needs time to regrow the missing wedges.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 01:15 AM
1

That’s the spirit bro!
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 10:01 PM
5

Holy crap we lived the same life! Thought she did everything despite me paying all the bills (except childcare) and doing almost all the cleaning,repairs, maintenance. No problem with me being blue-collar until she earned double my income and then her boss started looking like a better option. Monkey branched. Was your ex from a broken home? How old?
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:19 AM
2

Nice one centurion! Like it. Like it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:15 AM
8

😂. Vent it out brother! I paid for mortgages for 21 years. I know it hurts. I was in it for 27 years so it’s harder for me to say it was all a waste. Very few vacations or spare money. But real companionship and great sex. It’s almost as if my younger self was thinking with his dick?!!! 😆
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:13 AM
9

My ex struggled in real estate for years and was constantly changing jobs but making lateral or upward movement. When she finally got the title and the 6 figure income she wanted, it was goodbye husband. Women are taught to value the wrong things nowadays. Money, career, status. My guess is that the next generation won’t be getting any proposals after the kids have seen what happened to dad, uncle, grandpa, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 01:35 AM
2

You just have to white knuckle it until time starts to do what it does…removes the feeling of proximity. It becomes distant and the feelings aren’t as strong. Like something in your rear view mirror.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 01:21 AM
4

Yup. I heard “I’m done”. She waiting a whole 4 months to let it known she was dating her boss.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 08:27 AM
2

I am still drinking too much 2 years on, but I can feel it changing. It’s not about her anymore anyway. It’s about habits. Walking does help a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 09:33 AM
1

Not sure how long it has been but this is not about you. It’s not fair to you, but what your mom did was also not fair to him. Tell him you need a dad and although you know he is in pain, you still want a relationship with him but only if he can leave your mom out of it. Acknowledging that he is in pain and right to feel that way might go a long way towards making him feel safer with you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 09:28 AM
7

Perfect advice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 08:21 AM
13

Hate to say it but she is just waiting until she finds someone who can give her a safe landing after divorce. It would be best to leave first. Like other said it may make her wake up. Either way you need to save yourself for the sake of on your own dignity. If she leaves first you will have to rediscover yourself anyway. You might as well get busy regaining self-respect now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 08:19 AM
3

I guess it depends on how cynical you are and how dark your sense of humor is. I think Victor Frankl is a must read. I don’t completely agree with his philosophy (because of his imaginary conversations with his wife). I do like his quote that “a normal reaction to an abnormal situation is…abnormal”. Basically it’s okay feel different right now because divorce isn’t normal, it’s definitely not what you expected or planned. It takes time. For me it was my dreams and what I was able to laugh at tha…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 04:10 AM
2

I hear ya. Same thing. Used to be my favorite. I used to wear a Santa around the house all month.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 02:59 AM
2

Hang in there. Don’t let those dark thoughts come in. Distract yourself all you need to. Over time it gets much better. You shouldn’t expect yourself to have a new ready made life overnight because you committed yourself to the marriage, like a good man does.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/25 06:25 PM
10

It sounds like both of you are in a low point right now and communicating through your own insecurities. Around this age women all seem to start contemplating divorce. A lot to due with shifting hormones. She doesn’t feel safe. Her attraction to you is really low right now. Normal. Attraction waxes and wanes over time anyway. Women are very loyal when the feelings for you are strong. You can decide for yourself if you want divorce or not. If you do, start talking to a lawyer. Sounds like you wor…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 08:01 PM
2

Don’t think so. Michelle Langley says if the AP is married they are usually content to stay in their own marriage. If they are single then they move to divorce/separate cause they are afraid the AP may find a new person.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 09:12 PM
2

And no I don’t think he is married. He was. Not sure when his divorce happened.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 04:15 AM
2

Yes. Based on what I know. Biggest proof I have is a conversation while married where she mentioned a guy at her work with a nickname. Post divorce my kid said he saw that nickname in her phone sending heart emojis. The ex later messed up and said that no one at work calls him by that name, just her. Then when I brought up the old conversation while married, she denied the convo ever happened.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 04:14 AM
2

You’re not wrong for wanting that. You’re a dude so logic rules your (our) mind. Trust in the facts. Facts are stubborn things. The truth doesn’t rust. Unfortunately you probably won’t ever get the acknowledgement from her that you want. Her regret. Because they aren’t built like us. She will have it, but she will likely never say it out loud. Sorry but that’s also a fact. Take a little comfort in the fact that MANY other guys feel the way you do. The truth is that you will be better in the long…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:45 AM
5

I guess to those guys who say to just absolutely cut her out of your life (which is understandable), I would say this: During your marriage, didn’t you have to put up with her crazy? Now that she has gone full crazy are you really that angry? Don’t you kinda pity her? I do. I can be around her because I know something in her head is broken and all that shade she threw at me during the divorce isn’t true. At the time I bought into it. Now I can see she was hiding. Hiding an affair. Hiding from he…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 12:03 AM
2

Yeah I agree with that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 11:59 PM
3

Oh trust me I know. I got called a narcissist also. It’s projection. On a mass scale.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 11:58 PM
3

Yeah I’ve heard that about narcissist. I’ve also heard that people in MLC show a lot of narcissistic traits. And yeah women seem to show more of the traits overall. We all have some of it but women seem more concerned with appearances so it just makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:03 PM
2

Yeah that’s kinda my point. It’s actually proof that she’s not truly happy but just performing. I’d be lying if I said that it didnt make me a little smug.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 06:01 PM
2

Exactly. It’s a common perimenopause/MLC story. And the two are hard to suss apart. And the therapists! Lord! Check out a YT channel called PyschoBabble. This psychiatrist perfectly explains how the psychology field became subjective, non scientific, and political.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 05:31 AM
2

Thanks but it’s my kids that invite me in or ask me to come over so we can walk the dog. She doesn’t affect me enough anymore to avoid her. Maybe triggered was too strong a word. I guess my post was more about wondering if she is trying too hard to look happy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 05:28 AM
3

Hard to explain but it’s like avoiding her is as bad as begging was during the divorce. She doesn’t get any special consideration anymore. And that includes me not being afraid to be around her and speak normally to her. It’s my kids who deserve at least one mature parent.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 05:25 AM
4

Yeah. I get that. I look at some of the married guys I know now and sometimes feel sorry for them. Losing marriage isn’t always losing. I used to think that was a cope statement. Now I have changed my mind.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:52 AM
2

Yup. Unfortunately, I think being loved for our utility is built in to the attraction of the female species. Like literally. I think it’s how we evolved as a species. Just like us men liking boobs. We just like them, but we evolved that desire for some purpose. Probably something to do with providing milk for our offspring.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:50 AM
6

Hey thanks for that. From what I’ve heard from my mom (they still talk), the other guy is divorced with grown kids. Some part of me wonders if he got screwed over and wanted to become the “other guy/ bad boy”. Like he learned how it happens and figured he could replicate it but from the other side. And probably feels entitled since he has been hurt. Hurt people hurt people. Personally I would have absolutely no desire to “play dad” in some other woman’s family. Not after a year, not after 5 year…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 10:54 PM
4

I hear you but on some level I think all or most women do this. They are constantly comparing themselves to the lives of other women. They are much more susceptible to social pressure and social contagion (they have done studies). That’s probably why divorce is so common right now. It’s being sold to them on a mass scale. Like I said, she wasn’t always this severe about it. It was there but not out of hand. I do think it’s MLC. The crisis is all about comparing your life to expectations (persona…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 10:50 PM
4

Thanks for that. I admit I was triggered but the feelings pass much faster than before. I hope I am not lying when I say it is really just curiosity at this point. Like visiting your old house or city and seeing how things have changed. And what the motivation was to change them.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 10:45 PM
4

Yeah same here. Changed her password about 9 months before Bombdrop and even slipped up and mentioned his pet name in conversation around the same time. Of course she denies all of it. She just happened to start dating her boss 4 months after the divorce was final. 😂 how convenient!
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 10:43 PM
5

I literally have her in my phone as “do not reply unless about kids”. 😂 Thanks for the replies but I have already gone through my desperate phase and my no contact phase. I have decided that I can be cordial. For the kids if nothing else. At this point I am truly curious as to what goes through her mind. FYI- I am pretty solidly convinced she had/is having a midlife crisis. She pulled this shit last year when it was my turn for Xmas. She asked (as a favor) if the kids could come over the day bef…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 08:22 PM
15

Hardest part was getting used to not being able to share my day. Kinda the same as losing your identity. You simply are not a partner anymore. Feels liberating after a while. Remembering who you are/were. Now the hardest part is getting back into home ownership so I can feel like my house is mine to play with again. Pets, improvements, yard stuff. Feels like a holding pattern.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 07:38 AM
1

Don’t worry. She will definitely play with your head. It’s their default code. They don’t even know they are doing it (mostly).
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 07:31 AM
2

Well Tinder is the first problem. I’ve had better luck with FB dating. Keep in mind that many (most?) women are just there to entertain themselves and waste time. Like guys do with video games or porn. Definitely better off hunting in the wild. I’ve told myself to get more male activities but it gets hard at this age. I was hosting poker night for a while. That was fun but it flickered out. Think of these type of things: sports club, community activities, pool league, poker night, trivia nights …
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 07:21 AM
1

😂
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:09 PM
3

Good advice. I definitely do better in person. It’s like online dating is female video gaming.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:09 PM
1

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I guess I should add that I’ve had a couple come on strong (real strong) and then flake on the date at the last minute. And then message again. Wtf? It really feels like this is just fantasyland for them. Thoughts?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:02 PM
1

Assuming that’s not rhetorical, I am not just looking to hook up. I can play that game with my ex. I clearly put that I am looking for some adult conversation. If sex comes later then great but I can’t spend all my time with my kids. But they seriously want to just message (I don’t understand why they like that so much).
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:56 PM
2

Hahaha. 😂 cruel but funny
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:50 PM
1

I am mid 40’s. My last girlfriend was a fox in her day but older than me. My exwife was a smoke show and the same age as me. I am handsome but not a high earner and a smoker. I feel like in person I come across fine but online my profile disqualifies me. I hate to say it but I feel a bit insulted getting jerked around by mid’s (in my humble opinion).
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:49 PM
1

Yeah that’s what happened with my last GF. Just straight asked her out within 10 minutes. Way easier than this dating app performance BS.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:47 PM
2

What I think is crazy is that they don’t actually initiate. They say “hey”. You know the same “low effort” greeting they complain about.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:46 PM
3

Oh damn. I guess my drinking isn’t as bad as I thought. Question: did she put “sometimes” as her drinking profile?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:44 PM
1

Dang I’d be happy to meet a heavy drinker. Seems like everyone on Bumble is a gym junkie. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:43 PM
4

If she is bringing drugs around his kid then there could be danger. That would be his only legal angle.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 12:00 PM
6

I don’t practice but I was raised Catholic. I lost my faith but I still believe in the principles (and still read the Bible). The West is totally devoid of faith these days (despite people claiming they are believers). Everyone now follows the cult of individuality. It’s all me,me,me and do whatever makes you happy. Sorry but you’re not gonna get the courts here to help you. Women can basically do whatever they want here. It’s encouraged and rewarded.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:59 AM
10

It’s projection. I’m sure you already know that. People who cheat don’t really know who they are. They just chase. Deep down they know what they’re doing is wrong and hate themselves. It’s easier to believe you’re the bad one because it justifies their bad behavior. “Look what you made me do”. It what my son used to say…when he was 5.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:44 AM
3

Interesting. I am extroverted but also like to be left alone. My ex and I were also high school sweethearts. 19 years married. 27 years total. Divorced at 43. It was soul-crushing for me. She instigated. I believe in vows (or I wouldn’t have taken them). Why is everyone so eager to get divorced these days? Yes it is quite lonely. It’s hard to make friends as a middle aged person. Slim pickings.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:27 AM
2

Great advice.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:21 AM
1

It’s really too soon to date but it’s also something you have to go through as part of the healing. I made the mistake of dating about 6 months after my divorce. In the end she told me I wasn’t over my ex. She was right. She also admitted her 2nd husband was a rebound, and that was years after her first marriage. If you are trying to get laid or get them to like you, remember to KEEP THINGS LIGHT AND PLAYFUL. Give smartass answers. Just don’t do it all the time. Let her talk about herself. Don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:20 AM
3

Ironically the fear of divorce leads to divorce. Like others say, get yourself back and she may refind attraction. This cannot be manipulation. It has to be real. Keep in mind she probably is in menopause and you can’t outthink hormones. Just be glad she hasn’t started an affair and prepared her secret exit. That’s such a common story these days. Seriously, treat her kindly but let her see that you have your own life. STOP being emotionally dependent on her. That only turns her off faster.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:13 AM
3

I would let her know that it would in fact be awkward. And you can tell her that you don’t approve of a man that would do that (you could put it in the context of rebound instead of cheating). If you do meet him I would purposely NOT shake his hand. He’ll understand where you stand. My ex never acknowledged her affair either. They just don’t do that because it ruins their “good girl” image. It’s also the reason she wants you to be her friend and be friendly with him.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 11:02 AM
5

I’ve had that thought. Let her flirt. Bang her well. Tell her to go back home (our old home)
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 10:19 PM
11

Men are the true romantics.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 10:18 PM
1

Way too soon to think about other women. I know you want the validation but within a year you will realize that a middle aged man should be a father and not a Casanova. Also, what is out there is slim pickings. You will find arms full of tattoos, taking SSRI’s, all ex’s were abusive narcissists with small penises, and they all monkey branched out of their last marriage. The ones without kids are just trying to speed run you because the clock is ticking to have kids. They won’t actually like you …
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:41 PM
2

Absolutely the best advice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:24 PM
2

ILYBINILWY - I’ve been told by a woman on Reddit that this is a comparison statement that indicates there is probably someone else. She knows she isn’t IN love with you because she has that feeling for someone else. I got the same from my ex wife during our divorce which she pushed for at lighting speed. This is usually because the other guy is single. If he seems uncertain in any way then she will likely just want a separation while she tests out the new relationship. Probably cause(s): midlife…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:21 PM
4

Remember who YOU were before you met her. And realize that a healthy woman doesn’t get divorced twice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:13 PM
-1

Yes women evolved to expect men to provide. Just like we evolved to want to provides. Any man or woman who didn’t, didn’t pass on their genes.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:05 PM
5

Gonna have to disagree about the 15%. What usually happens is they have another guy lined up because they can’t stand to be alone. And they don’t consider it an affair because they didn’t bang the guy before they asked for a divorce. It was just emotional. Often they just ask for a “separation” so they can test drive the new relationship. Not classy. Instinctual. No respect for vows. “There are no oaths between lions and men” - Homer
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:03 PM
3

Cult documentary. Perfectly said.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 04:58 PM
3

46M here. We finalized our divorced mid December 2023. Same day I moved out. Two weeks later we had our last Xmas as a family. The next year I had them with me for actual Xmas but she asked me to let them come over to open presents…and invited her boyfriend over to be there too. So it might actually be worth it to have one last holiday before things change.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 05:21 AM
1

Hahaha. Midlife crisis
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 02:23 PM
1

Don’t listen to these people. You don’t sound crazy. When wondering about infidelity most people say to trust your gut. The truth is that finding out more definitive proof won’t make you feel better. Let’s say you catch her red-handed? Then what are you gonna do? That’s the real question here.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 07:32 PM
1

TLDR - your experience is really quite common. Maybe we are all screwed. That’s meant to be funny btw. 😂 Ah shit! I definitely would be more of the type to call someone out in the grocery line. But I learned that living in Boston. I am from small-town Texas and grew up getting spanked for disrespecting elders, etc. btw- there is evidence that that type of discipline makes children compliment early on but leads to depression and anger later on in life (personally I can attest to that). But don’t …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 07:20 PM
1

I thought the same thing. Don’t do anything drastic. You WILL feel your calm return. Drink if you need to drink. Go for a walk. Whatever. Just give it some time. It will settle out. I promise you will actual gain a sense of humor about all this one day. Promise.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 07:00 PM
1

It gets better right about a year.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 05:02 PM
3

I am 46 and have two boys 14 and 11. I LOVE spending as much time with them as possible but I just can’t talk about video games that much. I talk to a few women but there is still too much drama. I simply miss being able to call someone on the fly and go out to an adult dinner and talk about adult things…and maybe feel a boob or two. Ironically, I have a +1 for a Xmas party this year: my 11 year old. Unfortunately, his mother is also likely going to attend. I just hate having to play “friends” w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 08:18 AM
1

Yup. Similar situation. My folks stayed together (perhaps to a fault). Everyone in her family divorced at least once. Family cultures matter. My family had loud, open conflict (Mexican). Her family was a bunch of rug-sweepers (Anglo). I really hope you find a way to make it better. I do think the current culture strikes women’s egos and encourages divorce, but then that creates a backlash like Redpill and MGTOW. I think Allison properly walks the line between accepting sex differences while actu…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 08:09 AM
1

Yes I would have stayed. I just would have educated myself better. During marriage all I could read was history/philosophy books. Now all I semi to read is relationship books and MLC books. 😆. The divorce may have been inevitable but I could have improved my odds by understanding women better. Or even menopause better. Over 27 years we had a lot of fun and after dating again post divorce I still think I picked one of the best ones. Seriously, they all seem crazy after 40 but the ones I meet stil…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 08:01 AM
5

What really helped me was reading (and listening to) Michelle Langley. Women’s Infidelity 1 & 2. She really explains what goes on in a woman’s mind while she is having an affair. Just visit her website and you’ll be shocked how perfectly she describes the stages. You really have to understand 3 things: They live in a state of constant fear and a need for safety. It’s instinct. Shame is the weapon they have evolved to use because they lack physical strength. This results in the need to maintain t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 07:38 AM
6

Now is not the time to be anything but strictly fair. Even my sweet ex had a completely ridiculous sense of “fair” during the divorce. They are usually having an affair and are in emotional turmoil. Their guilt and fear make them act like wild hyenas. Just be calm and don’t give in to the manipulation. 💪
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:21 AM
2

Dicklodocus? We don’t have those in Texas but I think my ex managed to find one. 😂 legend!
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:15 AM
1

Welcome to vent but have you heard of this thing called “TLDR”? 😆 As a man who was damn near broken after the woman (human) I trusted the most had perimenopause/MLC/affair and then called ME “abusive” I just want to say that I hope you don’t listen to the legion of women out there urging you to join the divorced club. Misery loves company. I would recommend Allison Armstrong. She really lays out the common mistakes men and women make in relationships by not understanding sex differences. I wishe…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:12 AM
1

Go find some male friends! You need to get some mojo back. 46 here and I feel just like you. Lost two properties. Work blue collar. Body wearing out. Gonna work til death. You know what? Fuck it! Still alive. Still got some juice left. Not gonna quit. Regarding women, they are all crazy but you’ll have better luck meeting one in the wild. The apps basically force the women into seeing you the way you describe yourself in your post. BUT, in person you can spark them with your personality. For bet…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:03 AM
1

Strangely I just had a very vivid dream about my ex the other night, which hasn’t happened in about a year. Strangely, it was purely about the physical act and had nothing to do with love. I really notice that my subconscious tells me the truth when I dream so I can’t fake my “healing” with any of the psycho babble I’ve learned post divorce. It’s a good thing. Pay attention to the dreams. They will tell you the truth. You’re not wrong. I won’t lie. That woman had a secret spell/curse she put on …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 05:45 AM
5

I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s just something I’ve had to come to terms with. I appreciate the time we had. Maybe I’ll come across someone else who also affects me that way, but one of the benefits of divorce is to realize that you probably have put too much emphasis on sex in general.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 02:43 AM
1

Yeah the biggest problem with that guy is that he says he was always most attracted to married women. POS in my book. And he’s been married 3 times. And his wife is half his age. And he calls him his “Mexican whore”. Another fake guru.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 11:02 AM
3

Hockey and D&D? You sound like a nerd who could beat me up. 😆
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 09:04 PM
2

Amen
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 09:03 PM
2

I think his notion of “covert contracts” is a great thing to learn, but be a little careful with him. His personal story is a little messed up/lack of morals. But thanks. Let’s all get our identity back!
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 09:02 PM
2

I hear you. It’s tough but necessary. I would recommend not to isolate. Depending on how recent the divorce you need to spend time licking your wounds, but don’t get stuck in your head. Just a few hours with other dudes can do wonders for your mindset.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 03:00 PM
3

Really good point because by nature of getting married the woman will naturally start telling you to ditch friends in favor of her or the family. You gotta get back out there dude. They are men’s divorce support groups, there are local sports groups, and yes, even the guy at the local bar who probably has a similar experience. In the immortal words of Ron Swanson, “what’s a non-gay way to ask him to go fishing”. Even being on this forum is a good start, bud.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:33 PM
1

Man. I am sorry to hear about your dad. Nothing as tragic for me but yes, a very similar story of perimenopause and hanging with divorced women. Such a common story these days. Everyone is responsible for their own actions but, for me, I find some peace in understanding female psychology and what hormones due to the brain (not to mention addictive technologies). You gotta remember they evolved to follow the crowd. They easily contract social contagion. The one going around now is that men are sh…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 06:00 AM
2

Haha. For me it was her boss. It hurts at first until you realize what kind of childish mind does this kind of shit as a grown up. Like they say, any man that can steal your girl deserves her. I used to think that was a bitter statement. Now I just see the truth in it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 05:33 AM
6

It sucks but this advice is true. Trying to keep what you had and express your feelings only validates her decision and makes you look pathetic to her. Ironically, the only way for her to doubt her decision is for you to agree that the two of you are better off apart (but not for reasons she gives). But you can’t say that unless you really mean it. And that clarity won’t come for a year or two. So it would just be manipulation and she would sense that. So the best the thing is to say as little a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 05:28 AM
2

For me it’s helps to understand evolutionary biology and psych. You have to understand that women are evolved to stay in the group and think what the other women think. If it was “stand by your man” the. that’s what they did. If it is Eat, Pray, Love, then they do that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 10:34 PM
-1

I just said that I am not advising to accept abuse. But abandoning your kids is child abuse. Who matters more? The happiness of young, innocent minds or the pleasures of older parents?
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 04:33 AM
3

Yes buts it’s almost impossible to be everything to someone in a relationship, and now a days women get the message that a man is supposed to be her everything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 04:30 AM
7

In the early days you are going to take all the blame. Then alternate to blaming it all on her. The truth is somewhere in between, AND usually a person (especially women) project their own guilt as blame upon the other person. The question is what is she feeling guilty about? Is it just breaking the vows of not leaving or breaking the vows in another way. I know you don’t want to ask that. I know you can’t even fathom it, but usually the greater the blame, the greater the guilt, so therefore the…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 04:27 AM
1

I agree with the Viagra. When we were young we had hormones on our side. There is no shame in it. Hell, even as a teenager I had problems cause I would get stuck in my head. My ex wife was the only one who I never had to worry with.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 12:41 AM
13

Men honor their commitments. The only reason she is leaving the door open for you to return is because you preemptively asked for the divorce. Which is good cause you still have some power in the situation. If you had waited for her to want the divorce, she wouldn’t be looking back at all. I am not saying you should put up with her abuse, but keep in mind menopause does crazy shit to women’s heads. Think about the kids. You’re initiating a trauma that will stick in your family for generations. I…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 12:24 AM
6

In the early days I truly tried to face the things I did wrong, some of which were bad habits like my drinking, but others were possible positives like what psych people would call “setting boundaries”. In the end I realize she most likely had a midlife crisis, so there isn’t really anything I could have done to change her own path. Even if I had known more about MLC, I am not sure I would have been willing to live that kind of life with someone who was willing to commit infidelity or break up a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 04:24 AM
1

Good luck, dude! You’re right. We will see what happens long term. For now, the tide is against you (us).
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 11:27 PM
1

That’s really similar to my ex’s story. I would suggest Larry Bilotta stuff. And definitely this new YT channel called Bombdrop and Beyond by Trina Laird. Hero’s Spouse is also good. It’s hard for guys to find stuff that doesn’t speak from a female perspective, but there are some good women, but even they can’t help but focus on the female perspective, obviously.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 10:24 PM
3

With time it becomes okay to look at old photos. When you can be thankful for the experiences life gave you without all the nostalgia or wistfulness. Just simply thankful. It just takes time .
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 06:10 PM
3

I don’t know all the details but if I had to guess your ex is around 39-49 and she had some kind of childhood trauma (like neglect, abuse, abandonment, addiction, divorce, etc), and she seems like she made a complete personality flip during the last year or so. If that is the case, I would STRONGLY suggest you research midlife crisis. It will probably explain a lot of what confuses you. It’s almost like a script they follow.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 11:42 PM
2

Yessss!!! Good job, sir. I looked it up. “I’d kiss you, but I lost my teeth!”
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 10:12 PM
10

You are not alone. Get some viagra. Keep it in the car. Take it 1/2 hour before the window starts. Have fun. They take it personally despite what they may say. Good luck, captain!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 10:11 PM
3

There is a woman making the rounds lately named Dr. Dani Sulikowski. She has a theory that men are just collateral damage and this is all really about female intersexual competition. It’s an evolutionary mechanism that certain women possess that brings down the population in order for their genes to dominate. It’s really fascinating. I would highly recommend to look her up on YT.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 08:19 PM
4

Naw. Nothing explicitly wrong with that, but somehow it always seems to indicate other issues, at least with women of a certain age. Kinda like the colors that poisonous animals use to say “don’t fuck with me”!
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 08:15 PM
1

Hahahahaha
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 08:13 PM
1

Wish I knew that one. Wait, are you the same Bender that stuffed 100+ humans into a phone booth?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 08:13 PM
6

Yes, a woman’s main concern is her reputation, and yes, she wants to maintain plausible deniability. They both go hand-in-hand. She also wants to maintain the idea in her head that she is a “good girl”. As for you…you need to let go. Look dude, it’s hard for all of us, but in the end it is the only way to keep your sanity. On a practical point, I agree with the other advice here. If you want to protect your kids (and not just your ego) then get the schedule mandated by the courts. Ideally, you a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 08:12 PM
1

OP please look up midlife crisis!!! At least it will help explain. The pain will be there regardless. But it will fade with time. I am sorry, brother. We all thought it wouldn’t happen…until it did.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:42 AM
21

Full arm tattoos! Check It’s my exgf that has the top of tit tattoos! 😂 Yet, nobody smokes anymore…cause that’s trashy.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:16 AM
12

Pretty damn close. Fuck me eyes. Mid 40’s. Above average attractiveness. Arms of tattoos. And I think denim mini-skirt.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:14 AM
1

Oh yeah. I agree with that. I have made no secret to either of my boys whose decision it was. I did screw up and tell my 14 yo that his mom had her boyfriend before the marriage was over, but I later told him that I had no real proof. I don’t want him to hate his mom. He has already sworn off marriage anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 09:57 PM
11

Your opinion is dead on. I did all the wrong things: begging and pleading. We had been together since high school so I understand in retrospect how attached I had become. I lost my identity and really thought she “wasn’t like other women”. Then I heard hundreds of other guys with the same story. I do think a lot has to do with midlife crisis and menopause, but the behaviors are still the same for women in their 30’s. It’s like a social contagion these days for women. I don’t think my boys will e…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 09:51 PM
4

It’s amazing how common the story is of the ex-wife having recently befriended a divorced woman. They really do have a completely different mind than men. it’s all a herd mentality that comes from evolution. I use the analogy that men are like a pod of dolphins hunting (that’s how we organize) and women are like the school of fish getting hunted. They are terrified of being separated from the herd.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 09:46 PM
3

I have pretty much come to accept that this is Midlife Crisis. While they are in the tunnel/fog they exhibit narcissistic traits. That’s both men and women. But in women in particular, they exhibit traits of Histrionic Personality Disorder, look that up. It’s basically trying to regain attention and validation through youth and beauty, hence the cheating, losing weight, boob jobs, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 09:42 PM
5

The kids are going to suffer enough. I wouldn’t tell them. Yea it’s tempting but ultimately just going to cause them more harm and make you feel worse. Feel free to tell any adult. Just not your children. Remember their identity is half mom.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 09:39 PM
1

First question would be: how old are you?
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 11:20 PM
2

Same here buddy. Women express themselves in indirect ways. My ex told me a few weeks ago “I will never be done yelling at you!” Not really her style in decades past but perimenopause/MLC is a hell of a drug.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:25 AM
6

Consider this: there is a difference between regret of consequence versus regret of action. Like I regret losing the house/kids/family life verses I regret hurting someone who loved me. Which do think she has?
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:24 AM
1

I will say a lot of men AND women on this platform are bitter and give horrible advice, but one thing I think most men are unaware of is the female need for safety. Almost anything is justified under the guise of “protecting herself”. This stuff goes so much deeper into biological differences but even saying that might get my comment removed by the fascist bots. No one today is allowed to challenge the cultural ideology which is really a religion in all but name.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 11:40 PM
2

This is classic signs of MLC. It’s called an affair down. She won’t return to normal for about 5 years, if ever. Sorry man. You aren’t alone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 09:42 AM
1

I think so much of this is MLC, but the Vinn diagrams do overlap heavily with perimenopause and the particular way that women tend to leave relationships (at any age).
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 05:43 PM
5

Do not help her get over you! What she has done so far is really disrespectful. And you helped her! Not trying to make you feel bad but just pointing out the reality of it. I did it too. Totally understandable but not at all helpful for you. Basically you have to do what you haven’t so far: LET HER GO. Yes, it really sucks, but if you don’t you will stay stuck. It takes about a year. Your dreams will fuck with you for a while but then you notice they change. If you absolutely have to then go ahe…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 05:27 AM
14

It takes about a year for the dust to settle. I was there too. Still wanting to share how your day was and the little things. She does probably feel the same way but also probably has someone else to distract her. In the long run you will be better off for having to go through the painful detachment. She is essentially trapped in an addiction right now. One day you will actually feel sorry for her. For now it is just going to completely suck. Be as patient as you can and try not to turn to the b…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 05:17 AM
7

25-27 years is a VERY common story. Same for me. It helped me to read up on perimenopause and midlife crisis. Beware of all the feminists out there that will tell you how it is all your fault (sometimes very subtly). The truth is more that she heard bad advice and had emotional turmoil due to hormonal changes. Don’t blame yourself. I’m sure you weren’t perfect but you sound like most guys who believed sacrificing yourself for your family was the noble thing to do. It’s how we were all raised but…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 05:09 AM
2

Yeah. It’s so common for the ex-wife to make friends with a bitter, divorced, man-hating woman shortly before the bomb drop. misery loves company. Hopefully you are researching MLC. Check out This Is Not the Woman I Married - Larry Bilotta.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 10:37 PM
2

Yes I got called narcissist too. You’re in good company dude.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 10:34 PM
3

Oh I totally agree. Some of the evo stuff points to the fact that things were always this way with women. Think about it, once she knows you are bonded to your children, and her main job of childbirth and nursing through infancy is done, it makes total sense for the mother to go off and start a new family. And yes, a lot of it is also the modern culture, and economics. Women can afford to leave, so what’s stopping them? Especially when they are being fed the messaging of “eat, pray, love”. Sex i…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 01:48 AM
3

Here’s a video I put on YT to help other dudes just freshly going through it. https://youtu.be/RWuv6Po4p7U?si=uSVRbIa1qWtpg9xn
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 08:30 PM
0

Haha. Well there’s a ton to unpack, but essentially Mother Nature doesn’t care about our morality. It developed different strategies for men and women which ensured the survival of the children, and genetic diversity. One quote from Michelle Langley is “if men were designed to spread their seed, women were designed to want to gather seed”. I would add personally that around the age of 45 most of were supposed to have already raised our children and be dead, from a paleo point of view. It’s just …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 07:55 PM
3

Oh and just read over this website real quick. It will tell you where you/she is at in the process. https://womensinfidelity.com/infidelity-women-why-women-cheat.html?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD-phHSdDPdU2OXFQtSBlapw79SJR&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyt_Pqeu5jAMVbjLUAR1X2xfhEAAYAiAAEgKJ1fD_BwE
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 05:06 AM
11

Is she around the age of 40? Had childhood trauma? Have you heard “I’m not happy” or something about her “finding herself”? You have decisions to make. Not saying it’s over or not worth saving but right now she is not to be trusted. I know you have some type of sunk cost fallacy (like kids or time invested) but your first step is getting your testicles back. Trust me you had them. They are still there. Be direct. Be honest. Don’t be afraid to lose anything, even her. That is ironically how you e…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 05:04 AM
6

It does get better with time, but you have to do the right work on yourself. One thought that I find that helps is to ask yourself if you truly would be happy if you still had the relationship. And I don’t mean the one from a decade ago, I mean the one from the last year or so of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 11:34 PM
1

You know the funny thing is women are allowed to comment in this sub because the men can tolerate opposing viewpoints. Yet men are not allowed to post or comment in the female forums. Why do you think that is?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 10:39 PM
9

Bravo. It’s amazing how the “I’m not happy” is almost always a code for “I am seeing someone else”. You played it the right way. Stay in the high road. Nice to hear the judge was wise and not playing into the BS. Maybe the tide is turning.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 10:37 PM
2

I am curious though. What it was it like talking to her? Did she have anything salient to say? Anything new? Any good advice? I have thought about scheduling with her myself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:47 AM
2

Okay. Well you have heard Michelle say that women (and almost all people) want both the security and comfort of a partner as well as the excitement and suspense of an AP. It’s two different type of drugs. And she also says how being confused/ living in limbo allows the cheater to continue with their behavior. It’s their cop out for not making an actual decision. It’s just kicking the can down the road instead of taking responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:40 AM
1

Right. The best you can do is be indifferent. Part of the disrespect during drop off is her attempt to make you angry and therefore keep a feeling of power and control. The truth will out eventually…even though right now we are living in an age of gaslighting bullsh$t. Fortitude brother.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 02:58 AM
2

I would highly recommend reading Women’s Infidelity by Michelle Langley. It’s a game changer in perspective
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 10:43 PM
3

I hear you. I think the breakthrough might be actually imagining a life that doesn’t suck. It’s just a little glimmer at first but even opening your mind that possibility is the first step. I have heard people say that being in chaos/being addicted is actually a required step to bringing in order and gaining control. You’re actually closer than you think. It is a required step but most people get depressed thinking they are on the wrong path, but they are actually on the right path. They just do…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:03 PM
1

If you call a man promiscuous you say “man-whore”. If you just say “whore” everyone assumes it’s a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:45 PM
1

Completely agree. Well said. I would add that when you try to change and she views it as manipulation, she knows it’s manipulation because she did it herself, especially at the beginning of the relationship. It makes her feel bad about herself to realize she was playing a part to secure your commitment. That’s also why they can’t plainly say what they want. It would show a discrepancy between behavior and stated desire.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 11:42 PM
1

The reason she begged you not to leave is because she wanted you for stability and the other guy for drama.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/25 09:19 PM
1

Well I do think most agree that a woman cheats when she is done and a man cheats more out of opportunity. I think shame is the big difference maker. I agree with you that women tend to blame the husband, and I think shame is the reason. Shame they feel for not being the good girl which causes them to shift the blame. Society shames women more for infidelity AND shame is the main weapon women use against each other. Out those together and you have a situation where the woman can’t accept her own …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 09:27 PM
1

I don’t want to peddle in stereotypes but I do believe in biology. Our hormones change over time and so do theirs. My dad (an MD) told me when I was a kid that we (men and women) become more unisex over time, hormonal. Also, our brain biology is different. They have larger corpus collosums. That may be why their thoughts tie everything together and they don’t compartmentalize things as easily as we do. Saying that one is sex is more of something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist in the other, just t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 06:37 PM
5

First thing you may start to enjoy is the freedom. No one is going to second guess all your decisions, or tell you that you can’t do something, or tell you the “right” way to load the dishwasher, dress the kids, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 06:33 PM
3

I get it. I also like to “figure it out”. Go figure. Logic brings me peace. I think a lot of us are that way. As far as how she ended things, that’s pretty messed up. I am sorry, dude. Do you really think she’s gonna be happy with the new guy? Maybe a small consolation but I hear a lot of women regret their divorce after they are about 2-3 years into their new marriage. I dated a woman last year who said her 2nd marriage “might have been a rebound” from her first marriage. And she didn’t even ge…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 03:29 PM
2

I think you’re on the right path. Women are sexual creatures just like men, and I think they become more like men sexually as they age (more into casual sex/less commitment oriented) and men become more like women as we age (more commitment oriented/less willing to have casual affairs). But because women don’t want to feel like a slut, they end the entire marriage and pursue a whole new relationship where they can “start over” and be the “good girl” again. Whereas if a man cheats it is more like…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 03:10 PM
2

Did you read my post?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 09:36 PM
2

Sorry, I can’t agree with you totally. I think the people that sell the alpha male, materialistic, it’s all about your muscles and your bank account stuff are also selling you misinformation. Yes that stuff helps. But is that the type of woman you want to attract? If it is, good for you. I just think relationships are about more than your plumage. I think relationships need to evolve past the dominance/submission stage. If the shadow side of the male is aggression/dominance, then the shadow side…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 09:07 PM
3

Totally. We all get this. But it wasn’t wasted. It just takes time to start to see all the good but not in a “I want it back way”. It’s like saying that if she hadn’t cheated and left that it all would have been worth it. She is not who she used to be, and you weren’t wrong for picking someone who showed all the right signs. She IS someone else now. Someone who you wouldn’t choose. You picked the right version of her, and you got her best years. Good luck to the poor bastards who have to get thi…
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 08:55 PM
1

Well said
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 08:52 PM
2

Best of luck. Time does help. But you’re right, it matters more that you are doing the right work. It comes in cycles but time helps it level out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 07:32 PM
6

There is a book called Women’s Infidelity by Michelle Langley. She says once a woman gets a taste of attraction outside her marriage that it basically is an addiction in her brain and she knows she won’t give it up. The harder her husband tries to fix it the more unattractive he becomes in her eyes. She talks about how women are more sensitive to familiarity than men are. That maybe women are actually less suited to monogamy than are men. She does say that if the husband does an about face and t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 07:00 PM
1

Actually, I think that’s her being honest with herself (and you). Most of us don’t want to admit it, or to your point, most people don’t want to transcend to a higher level of relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 06:15 PM
5

Ask if you think your wife is still attracted to you. I know that hurts. But it gets worse, ask yourself if you think there are signs of any type of infidelity. Most of us are blind to it until the signs are given. Hiding the phone, avoiding you around the house, changing passwords, staying late at work, hanging out with divorced people, changing attitudes/judgement of infidelity/divorce. It’s actually natural for women but even they are taught that “good girls” don’t do that or don’t have those…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 06:14 PM
4

I divorced about 18 months ago. I keep reading the same story on this subgroup. (My story is very similar to yours). I am finally starting to put all the pieces together. I would HIGHLY recommend listening to Michelle Langley (Women’s Infidelity). Dr. Glover is decent but he is a little hypocritical. He is right about covert contracts (which is essentially a feminine trait men have picked up in the last few decades). Going forward there are a few things men and women will have to learn. What cod…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 05:59 PM
8

Yeah took me 8 months after divorce to realize she was having an affair….with her boss. Could she be more cliche?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 06:49 PM
3

She’s dragging her feet because she feels as long as she is confused she can keep best of both worlds. Checking if grass is greener without losing you as her safety net.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 02:49 PM
1

You’re doing the best thing for now. I know it’s hard but later on you will see a difference between acting indifferent and being indifferent. I hate to say this but it is most likely she has another guy lined up. None of us wanted to believe our girl was capable of it, but then again she doesn’t want to believe she is capable of it either. As time passes (and it’s gonna be a while), you will go through a LOT more emotions and realize that you actually don’t want her back. She’s really not the p…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 02:52 AM
1

Very well put. Discussing things like an adult would risk her ego. Risk the story she has told herself that you’re a villain.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 03:13 AM
1

Yeah I agree in general, but I am just started to read the book and it is eye opening. Essentially it comes down to hormones (and brain biology) and it’s all for one reason: survival of the species. Just like my 9th grade biology teacher always said. Langley brings up a great point: if 90% of sperm are designed to block or seek-and-destroy other sperm, what does that say about women’s fidelity from an evolutionary standpoint. Men are designed to spread seed, and women are designed to gather.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/25 03:29 PM
1

It’s called Women’s Infidelity. Check out the website. https://womensinfidelity.com/infidelity-women-why-women-cheat.html?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD-phHSdDPdU2OXFQtSBlapw79SJR This 4 levels sounds exactly like my ex. Langley’s main point is that monogamy is actually harder for women. It’s biological.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 02:16 PM
3

Sounds like you both became codependent. And that’s to be expected after such a long time. Be nice to other people, but…be nice to yourself. I don’t know that I believe in therapy as much as you do. And be careful because women use shame as a weapon. Sounds like you have a lot of shame right now. It’s gonna take a while for both of you to learn how to do life without each other, and it’s gonna take a while for you to see things objectively (like a year or more). You were neither saint nor villai…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 04:50 AM
1

Christ! Does everyone make that much money nowadays? Surely you can buy a new house with that kind of income.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 04:33 AM
3

He isn’t wasting his energy. He is trying to help other dudes come to terms with reality.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 04:21 AM
22

Michelle Langley says it’s the “good girl” myth that leads women to deny and gaslight. They can’t believe their own actions. They want to start over with a new guy to prove they can be faithful in this new relationship. She also says that shame is a woman’s main weapon. If she can’t shame you then she has no power. Image is everything to women. Reputational attacks are the main way they compete with each other.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 01:55 AM
2

That’s what I think most of us feel early on. You don’t want to accept that she has lost attraction. And you may be wrong about infidelity. I was. It turns out most women can’t leave a man without another lined up. They view it as a “safety net”. Later you’ll come to realize how this makes you lose respect for how emotionally immature she is. But maybe your circumstances are different than 90% of the comments here.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 11:51 PM
1

The reason she wants a divorce and a separation is so she could explore things with another man. I know this is hard to accept. I couldn’t even begin to believe it for almost a year after my divorce. Read this. Does this sound like your story? https://womensinfidelity.com/infidelity-women-why-women-cheat.html?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD-phHSdDPdU2OXFQtSBlapw79SJR
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 11:06 PM
1

I didn’t say IN love. I just said love. She isn’t evil. She’s just damaged. Not her fault. Not my fault. Somewhere inside myself I knew what she really was when I met her. That’s on me. 27 years ain’t so bad. It could’ve been worse.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 07:57 PM
1

Thanks but read between my lines. I Do NOT follow the boyfriend home. I DO love my kids. And I DO still love her. She isn’t a bad person. She just had a fucked up childhood. She was actually a pretty good wife up til the last years. Pretty impressive really consider what she had to overcome. I don’t delude myself that we are ever gonna get back together, but that doesn’t mean I need to hate her or turn my kids against her. I didn’t have the best childhood either so I need to overcome the shit my…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 07:53 PM
1

Now who sounds like they haven’t let go. You or me? I struggle too, dude. Sometimes I want to text her to call her out on her bullshit. Sometimes I want to follow her boyfriend/AP home to find out if he is married (because she hides his car in her garage when he’s over). Other times I revel in the fact that my boys clearly enjoy spending time at my house instead of her, even when it’s her week. My 10 year old gives me a full leg wrap hug unprompted and she has to ask them to say “I love you” or …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 06:55 PM
0

And don’t get me wrong, you should not be afraid of your ex; you can do whatever you please. She can’t dictate your life anymore (yay!!!!), but all actions have consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 06:35 PM
3

Holidays, grandkids, more holidays, vacations, more grandkids, life in general. It hit me hard after the ex dropped the divorce bomb that I am never gonna be rid of this woman. In fact to me it felt quite selfish on her part because she knew she had me attached at the hip (children). Women are delusional that they think divorce is gonna give them freedom. When kids are involved you are never gonna free from this person. As men, we should NOT share that delusion.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 06:26 PM
2

Oh I agree, her choices are on her. And the kids will see that. But it doesn’t give him license to act just like her. Cause the kids will see that too. BTW - you have an awesome Reddit handle. Kudos! “Oh you dirty motherf$cker!”
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 06:04 PM
-1

So two wrongs make a right? Maybe try three lefts and see how that works for you. You can stay bitter if you want but your stacking bricks on a wall that you’re complaining about.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 05:58 PM
-5

Because he still has to keep the peace for the sake of the kids. Two selfish people aren’t going to make things better. One selfish person is enough.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 05:25 PM
2

And I will say that I believe that there are some things you can’t fix outside of a relationship. You can “work on yourself” all you want but there are some things you can’t fix unless dealing with a woman in a romantic relationship. It’s a shame we didn’t get the chance to do it with the girls we had kids with. Probably the ones who were best suited for us. Before all the baggage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 05:00 PM
2

Thanks. It sucks though. There was some real joy ;a lot actually) in the 27 years I had with my ex wife before either of us knew how codependent we were. Kinda like doing drugs/alcohol when you’re young because you haven’t learned better yet. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 04:56 PM
1

Yeah, don’t blame yourself. We are all flawed human beings. Life is messy and we got in there and made a mess. What was the alternative? To not play at all? Seems silly but I like the movie My Old Ass. The message is similar, better to have loved and lost. The older versions are ourselves are wiser but maybe too cautious. You can only get hurt so much before you stop trying. That’s the beauty of youth. They’re stupid but brave.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 04:20 PM
2

Yeah I broke up with mine about 3 times during the college years. I guess the younger version of me was wiser. We were together for 8 years before marriage. Then about 2 years after marriage, we had a separation. I always called it growing pains, but I remember the lack of sex, lack of apology on her part, and feeling like her gay BFF. I literally told her that (long before it became an expression). After the first kid, she threatened to leave. I changed myself and then we had a nice 10 years. G…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 03:39 PM
0

Hey thanks! Great post. I appreciate the perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 06:44 PM
2

They really do but they often don’t know themselves. Especially how their attraction works. They end up feeling lonely and saying something like “I am done with men”. And biologically that really is true. We used to die around this age, back in the Stone Age.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 05:45 PM
3

Same with me. Statistics show that once a woman earns more than 50% than her partner the chance of divorce doubles.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 02:06 PM
3

Check out Women’s Infidelity by Michelle Langley. The title is a bit misleading. It’s really about how female attraction and how in wanes after commitment. Neither men nor women know about this generally.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 02:05 PM
2

Absolutely. That book should be handed out at every wedding.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 08:01 PM
2

Mine told me the day after we got back from a Carnival cruise. She let me book it 8 months earlier already knowing what she planned to do. The cruise was so miserable that when we got back I gave her a speech about how planned to do more around the house, that’s when she came out with it. 😂 funny now. Wasn’t funny then. We all need a support group.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 12:45 PM
2

Good for you. I stopped for a month right after bomb drop and kept it under control during the next four months of cohabitation. but after it was finalized and I moved out, it just slowly got worse.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 03:09 AM
2

Well, you’re more observant than me. I didn’t connect the dots until about 8 months after the divorce. Pretty sure my ex was having an emotional affair for a year prior to bomb drop. That’s why she rushed the divorce. I know her. She wouldn’t consider it cheating if she could be legally divorced before it got physical. I remember having a suspicion about it in the year prior but was too chicken shit to say anything cause I knew things were bad already. I was drowning in alcohol to numb out. At b…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/25 01:05 AM
2

Mine was giving blowjobs up til a month before she dropped the bomb. But it became boring and transactional. We made dirty videos too. But I was also kinda detached for the first 15 years (and a bit of an asshole). For me the decline began after the 19th year once the shine of our new dream home began to wear off. Still it took another 7 years before she made an exit plan. It was during those 7 years that I finally slowed down, truly fell in love with my kids, and wanted nothing else but to spen…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:19 PM
1

I had/have the same experience with the kids. And you do have it backwards, she says the feeling initiates an identity crisis and may come before, during or after an affair. She is in agony over making a decision. Divorce brings relief and seeing her ex brings back the shame (she will never let herself attach like she did to you). Separation is an excuse to pursue the affair but keep the stability. Reconciliation is just more procrastination. It depends on the man, kids, upbringing, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:13 PM
4

Me too!!!! I can even replay the moments when my ex was clearly on the fence. One day she would rather spend time with me rather than the evil divorcee across the street, dragging me into the bedroom, asking to spend time as a family, and lavishing admiration. The next week telling me I was controlling and our relationship was abusive. She was trying to justify the feelings she couldn’t shake. It went on for about 2-3 years. Known as “limbo land”.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:06 PM
2

I’m listening to her on a podcast right now and she makes an analogy between when a man “finishes” after sex and he feels relief and the tension is over. She says that’s how a woman feels after she gets a man to commit. Tension gone. No more tingles. “I’m done”. Boring. She says look at how every romcom ends. Guy gets girl. No more drama.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:05 PM
2

Fair, but if you read the link, she says the woman may or may not cheat, but she feels the urge to leave the relationship to pursue the FEELING she gets from outside attention/validation. Also, men are REALLY bad about detecting infidelity. This woman’s point is that our whole society (including women) refuse to accept that women are humans too, animals too. This is why depending on the woman’s level of awareness or desire for secrecy (woman are deathly afraid of reputation assassination) she wi…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 09:52 PM
1

Hahaha. Midlife crisis. Sorry I somehow figure every middle-aged divorced man has come across all that MLC stuff by now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 08:59 PM
1

😂 No idea what reference that is but it’s hilarious. Do I need to check my link?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 08:56 PM
2

Wow. I like the way you think. Concerning the universities, I believe it’s Christina Hoff Summers and a woman last name Paglia who are both academics and talk about the radical left/feminist take over of universities in the last few decades. I used to be a democrat and read Marx and Hegel but I considered myself a classical liberal. Now liberal has a totally different meaning. I hate how the algorithm sends me all this far right anti-left stuff because I find that equally small-minded. I do agre…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 05:24 PM
1

Depends. If it’s on a dating site, yes, women tend to focus on income and looks because that’s all you really know before you swipe. But in person women are more able to find a guy’s personality attractive, depending on how he makes her feel. With midlife crisis, men tend to buy new gadgets and women tend to exhibit histrionic disorder symptoms, dressing sexy, getting plastic surgery, looking for attention from other men. Both are trying to relive their youth. Yes, some men go for younger women …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 04:02 PM
2

Oh yeah. I have watched her channel. She makes me feel better. I agree with pretty much everything she says, but it’s too perfect for a woman to take so much accountability I always wonder if she is a shill. I would recommend Suzanne Venker and Bettina Arndt. https://youtu.be/J_5rThZj1Is?si=zZw8CBIswPWh1pUM
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:06 PM
1

Thanks for that. I really thought this was an empowering insight. For me it was. I really felt a lot better after hearing a woman admit it. Basically what I am saying is that we men possess something they don’t, which makes you realize that they are scared and they know it. And because they are scared they don’t want to ever admit it. Most men don’t realize how FEAR dictates so much of their behavior. I guess I should have suggested for men to watch women interact with each other. (A good exampl…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 05:03 AM
1

Hey. Thanks guy!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 10:51 PM
2

That’s a foggy area. I remember telling my ex during lockdown that I found one of the neighbors attractive and the other not. I also told her over the decades anytime someone at work was flirting with me. I just call that honesty. Maybe I’m too honest. I have learned since they call that “oversharing”. I also joked about our handsome neighbor who always took his shirt off and would tell her “ you should probably go outside. Nathan’s washing his car again.” I just call that humor. Regarding work …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 06:02 PM
1

Yeah. She is going to use you to get over you. She is going to play nice to get what she wants. Don’t play into it. Don’t screw yourself over because you think somehow it’s going to change her mind. It won’t. A lot of us make that mistake. Again, the main thing is she needs to really feel the consequences. And…Kids are not as resilient as people like to say. I find that a poor cop out for adults who put their own happiness above that of their family. What do you mean you broke her heart first?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 05:29 PM
1

A lot of good advice here, some more bitter than others, but I haven’t seen anybody mention that it’s probably too early to consider dating. I waited 9 months and it was still too soon. I realize the hypocrisy in what I just said. If you need to distract with another woman then go ahead, just realize that it will be temporary and just a distraction.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 02:58 PM
5

Thank you. I have to say that clearly these guys seem angry at women, but they also seem to be behaving like them. I had to block the Women Over 40 forum because all I heard was “I’m a victim” and “it’s all men’s fault”. “Why can’t men be more like women?” You’ll never see the truth that way.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 02:06 PM
2

Oh I am never getting married again. And my ex treated me horribly during the divorce. And if you read my post you can see I am not blind to the problems with modern middle aged women. All I am saying is to piss in the wind and then blame the wind is your fault not the wind. Blame and hate all you want but it won’t change female nature, and this aspect of female nature has existed for 400,000 years. It’s part of how we survived as a species.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 02:02 PM
5

Yes, no matter the situation she will view herself as the victim and expect you to donate to her cause. I let my ex keep the house and I really regret it. Not only because I am unable to buy back into the market and not only because I know how much sweat equity I put into it, but because she didn’t have to feel the disruption of the life she had. (It really stings to know that she is fucking another dude in our bed. The bed my parents bought us for our wedding. Of all the new furniture she bough…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:57 PM
-4

Look I’ll be the first to admit that women have lost their femininity. But that’s their mother’s fault, not ours. I’m just trying to help other dudes understand how to deal. They can’t escape their biology any more than we can. I don’t think scoffing at info with a sarcastic, dismissive attitude is gonna do you any good. We are men, right? Don’t we like to problem solve?
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 06:19 AM
2

Ooookaaayyy. I have definitely never been accused of putting women on a pedestal. My dad’s mom left when he was 2. Great guy but if anything he put a lot of bad ideas about women in my head when I was young. I am a dude, and I use LOGIC and FACTS to navigate life. Not feelings. Well as much as possible. You read my whole post and took one word “need” and ran with it. The 15 things she notices are true, she just doesn’t know how to prioritize them. You call them “meaningless” because you don’t co…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:45 AM
-1

Jeez. Didn’t expect this much pushback. The human race didn’t get here by pitting the sexes against each other. May I suggest “Bruised Orange” by John Prine.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:40 AM
5

Maybe these guys know more than me, but a lot of people on Reddit are very bitter. I can say this. After divorce, you are going to have little to no sex (I was lucky and we still had sex up til the last month before divorce). I have found that I didn’t “need” sex like I thought I did. It was more codependency/validation-seeking on my part. Also, I really miss being able to see my kids everyday. My oldest still comes to see me even when it’s her week, but she kinda scolds him for it. It makes me …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:33 AM
1

That’s definitely a possibility. Albeit a bit cynical.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 04:26 AM
3

You sound bitter. I get it. My mother is quite narcissistic. She is vain and is at least half senile. She isn’t fun to be around. Still, she gave birth to me, and i do love her. And I believe I’m the 4th commandment. Realizing she can’t help herself really helps me be around her. I just casually put her in her place when steps out of line. Sometimes I have to leave her house. She’s not evil. She just had bad role models and refuses to really look inwards. She’s too old to change. She’s still my …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 03:51 AM
16

No, don’t play husband. Yes she is trying to get the best of both worlds. You be as nice to her as possible while legally fighting for the house and child. She needs to feel what she is giving up. She will lose the house she wanted. She will lose half her time with the kid. She will lose your affection and physical skills. You maintain that you intend to live in the house y’all bought and raise your child as was your plan. If she wants to fuck up the plan then that’s her decision. You tell her t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 03:40 AM
-1

Haha. Well think about this. They are simultaneously aware of 15 things that “need” to be done while we are aware of maybe 5 things. She thinks: there is a load in the washer that needs to go into the dryer, we are low on milk, the dog needs to be fed, the kids need braces, I think I left the iron on, etc. you think: if she doesn’t finish her makeup in the next 10 minutes we are going to be late for the movie. You are both right. She resents you not noticing all of the things that she does, and …
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 03:23 AM
6

Mine is in perimenopause and had an affair with her boss, who makes like 4x the income I make, but he is physically much less attractive than me or her. I think it’s a way for her to feel superior and in control of the new relationship. Sometimes I wished she would get knocked up (at45) just to make her life more of a shitshow, but upon reflection, I really don’t my kids to have step/half siblings.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:41 AM
3

Oh I will add that the only chance you have of saving the marriage is to become the “boyfriend”. To become the Happily Divorced Man, who isn’t dependent on outcomes or the opinions of others (especially hers). But this is practically impossible without the 2-3 years of time and perspective it will take to actually become that guy. Plus, the more you ruminate on the affair, the more you will lose respect for her and probably (rightly) think the trust will never be the same and you can’t accept he…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:35 AM
2

It’s definitely MLC. Mine had a similar story. At 6, she saw her biological father (alcoholic) strangling her mother in the driveway. Her mom remarried a great guy who she called “dad” but the damage was done. Her mom had a pill addiction. Her grandma helped raise her, but she was a recovered alcoholic and a big part of the trauma caused to her mom. Multi-generational. Larry Bilotta, says MLC is caused by trauma that occurs mostly before age 10. He also says that even if someone had tried to war…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:26 AM
3

I was on the couch too. Don’t beat yourself up. She is doing that plenty enough already. It really sucks while you’re still in the process and you have to cohabitate. It’s hell on earth. Unfortunately, it will take at least a year for you to really accept that it’s your new reality. You’ll look back and realize all the mistakes you made. Try not to blame yourself. You reacted the way a normal loving spouse would.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:21 AM
3

It worked when we all died at 40-50. Panic sets in now when hormones change, midlife crisis sets in, and you realize you still have decades left.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:17 AM
3

Spot on advice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:16 AM
3

Don’t worry. She won’t get the chance to get comfortable with that guy. Because any guy who takes on a cheating wife isn’t there for a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:14 AM
1

Totally agree but we men are partly responsible. I told my ex when we met I could never marry someone who got plastic surgery. She was young and beautiful and said she felt no need to ever to that. Fast forward 27 years and she gets Ozempic and other cosmetics, everything shy of going under the knife, and asks for a divorce. To be fair, I was so lustful for her when we were young I didn’t care when I saw signs that she was more superficial than I thought. Of course, I still knew I was going to s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:09 AM
1

Women do it to a greater degree because they know they have to in order to attract a new man. They know deep down that is the first thing men look for. At least the single ones. Your spouse was with you for the long haul.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:04 AM
4

I can tell you that it’s not always that she didn’t give herself to you sexually. Or at least it won’t prevent the same affair, “revenge Barbie” behavior. I met my ex at 17. Over decades she made very saucy videos with me. Dressing up, fantasies, all of that. Sometimes it made her feel guilty. Other times she was really into it and played porn star. Of course in her late 30’s she also put on about 30lbs. Then in the months before she dropped the bomb on me, she got on Ozempic, lost 25 lbs, got B…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/25 01:01 AM
1

Yeah I’m self-employed. No insurance. Shit gets pricey. In my line of work I don’t want repeat customers unless they have a new project. I worry about therapists wanting to keep clients instead of fix them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:49 PM
1

Yeah mine was always a rug-sweeper. Her family was really bad about open conversations. She had the audacity to tell me after the divorce that she felt she “couldn’t express her feelings” to me. She has been going to therapy and is probably just beginning to become aware that she shuts down and stonewalls. But of course it still has to be my fault because she isn’t willing to actually acknowledge her shortcomings, at least not to me. The closet she has come is saying “I know I’m far from perfect…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:23 PM
1

Women REALLY fear judgement from the group. Men are more willing to accept blame and humiliation. It why you hear all the divorced guys say “accountability is woman’s kryptonite”. It’s cause accountability is a masculine trait and requires public judgement. Thats why we formed hierarchies like military and corporations, courts of law, etc. Facts/logic matter more to us. Women put a premium on inclusion. Ostracization is their mortal fear. Facts are not as important as emotions and sympathy. Some…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:15 PM
4

Good post. I still can’t quite bring myself to go to therapy, partly a money issue and partly because I didn’t find it too useful during the little bit I did during my divorce, but I do see your point about not bringing into the dating relationship (I.e. treating your girlfriend like your therapist). I definitely did that even though I consciously told myself not to.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:43 AM
1

She is responsible for her decisions but not for her childhood. I realize what you’re saying. Our criminal justice system doesn’t let people off the hook for their crimes despite all the evidence linking childhood and criminal behavior. But that’s the government. This was the most significant, intimate relationship (other than your children) you ever had, so it’s personal. Forgiveness is tough. I still struggle with it, but I’m tired of drinking the poison and expecting her to get sick.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 10:09 PM
4

Right. What I mean is she is lost. Don’t look to her for any validation or understanding. She doesn’t even understand what she is doing. The more you seek her for answers the more frustrated you will be. She is gone. Look to yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 07:52 PM
4

That was all the info. I know it’s hard to hear, but you have to stop caring about whether she regrets, apologizes, or wants to reconcile. It’s been about 18 months for me and I am just starting to truly move on…at least while I am awake.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 08:30 AM
13

A survey of 1000 women a few years ago said 73% of them said menopause played a major part in their divorce, they now realize…about 3-5 years after the fact.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/25 01:12 AM
2

That’s a good point. It’s not like we see each other every day. And I agree that familiarity breeds contempt. But I push back strongly against the idea that people “grow and evolve”. Too many women use the “I outgrew him” excuse. (Even heard that from a lesbian who was too afraid to admit she was gay). I truly believe that people’s core personality is set around adolescence. My ex always had trouble expressing herself clearly, particularly her emotions. The divorce was a perfect example of her i…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 05:13 PM
19

Don’t worry. The Sisterhood will be there to validate every bad choice.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 05:34 PM
9

Women don’t want a man in touch with his feelings. She wants a man in touch with HER feelings.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:55 PM
6

Yes, I think for whatever reasons women are more prone to high expectations and therefore more resentment. For evolutionary reasons, they are also more prone to peer pressure.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 02:20 PM
4

True but even that doesn’t make logical sense. You have a better chance of making it work with someone with whom you have shared true intimacy than some douchbag from work. But a lot of the infidelity experts say that people actually pick a “low risk” affair partner or an “affair down” because they want the person to look up to them and worship them. It’s a self-esteem problem.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 02:17 PM
3

Yup. It’s part of evo psych. Helped to aloparent and ensure the babies survived. Similar to how we are wired for aggression and teamwork.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 02:14 PM
11

Mine said “ you proved to me that you didn’t love me for so long that I stopped loving you”. It’s a rationalization. Cognitive dissonance. Her mind cannot rectify her actions with her values so it concludes that she must have not loved you, been loved by you, trusted you, or been trusted by you, etc. Then it can make more sense. It’s largely subconscious.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:59 AM
11

Well I have to admit that being married (and kids) brought me some of the greatest joy in my whole life, but divorce brought me the worst pain. Still really hard to think whether I would still have done it (if I had a Time Machine). I’m definitely never doing it again but…? I think two great movies that address the concept of “better to have love and lost” are Arrival and My Old Ass.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 03:09 AM
1

Yeah I grew up in East Texas where there was a TON of social pressure to profess to be a Christian but there was also a ton of intolerance, alcohol, and infidelity. Basically hypocrisy. People just relied on their preacher to tell them what the Bible said. Maybe that’s everywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 03:01 AM
0

Yeah I found it ironic that I was an atheist by age 10 but went to CCD as a kid and kept reading the Bible my whole life. My ex claimed to literally believe in an invisible man in the sky (I actually phrased it that way to her about 9 months before bomb drop) but she nor her mother ever went to church. But both claimed to believe.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 02:51 AM
9

Good points. I have recently thought about the Ten Commandments and realized they mention infidelity 2x and then the “Do not covet anything your neighbor owns” is very much about not comparing yourself to others.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 02:31 AM
5

True. That brings up another point…life expectancy is longer than ever now and that probably factors in as a new variable.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 01:29 AM
4

Well done
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 08:38 PM
7

I agree, but when someone says “men are assholes” I begin to suspect it’s a woman speaking. Quick, what’s your favorite line from the Godfather? 😂
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 08:29 PM
21

And at the same time if you put her in her place and call her out on her nonsense, she will again feel justified in leaving because you were “abusive”.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 08:27 PM
2

That seems like a blanket statement. Can you elaborate?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:59 PM
6

I usually agree with you but not on this. My dad and I have had a strong bond my whole life. I still have a few friends that I have known for decades, one since 5th grade.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:34 PM
2

We have prisons for men who cannot overcome their evolutionary, biological impulses. We need to have jails for women who cannot overcome their biological programming. Or else the problem will resolve itself through population drop.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:17 PM
10

One other thing I’ll add is the tiny,tiny percentage of women who admit that they feel they made a mistake versus the huge number of women who crow about how glad they are that they got a divorce (while trolling Reddit divorce forums). They really can’t stand any negative feelings, especially ones that reflect on their character. And yet, they all claim to follow Brene Brown.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:12 PM
2

💯. Did we have the same ex?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 07:00 PM
2

Mine f’d my brains out for almost a decade. Had regular and fun sex for another decade or so. Then it became more of a”chore” sex in the last few years. She told me in the last 2 years she felt like a receptacle. Ironically, she has no problem trading her body to her current boss in order to have an emotional safety net during our recent divorce. How blind can you be? Never underestimate the power of denial” - Ricky Fitts.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 06:43 PM
8

I agree. Especially with the modern expectations that women have, and therefore the resentments they breed. But I tend away from all the financial and legal complaints. I think our society is way too materialistic/litigious already. I also never expected my ex wife to cook or clean. I expect any adult to be able to feed themselves and clean up after themselves. But I do still wonder more about the psychological messages out there, I.e., you deserve to be happy, let go of what is no longer servin…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 06:39 PM
5

Well said. That’s kinda what I meant with modern messaging AND generational decline. If so many of our parents and grandparents got divorced we see it as a viable option. Plus, all these modern psych videos denigrate the idea of sacrificing, codependency, and emeshment. I get their point but I wouldn’t have had kids if I didn’t see the value in loving someone else more than myself and scarifying for them. My family of origin definitely had issues, but I don’t think being an autonomous taxpayer/e…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:37 PM
5

Damned if you do or don’t. Her and I had always made about the same but her income was almost double mine at the time of divorce, and she told everyone she had been financially supporting me. Haha. I paid the mortgage and bills for 24 years. She shopped and bought new cars and clothes. Complete delusion.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:31 PM
15

Agreed. But in my case she was a great woman. Better than all the others I met, but her childhood shit caught up with her at middle age and she completely flipped. I honestly never thought the history of divorce in her family of origin would be an issue for us. Stupid kid I was.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:29 PM
6

I don’t hate but I think the real benefits of marriage come in late life. I think too many people only look at divorce as a solution in the short term without thinking about the whole picture. Maybe people taking vows don’t fully realize what they are really signing up for. Same as having kids. It’s a lifetime commitment.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:26 PM
9

Fear of divorce will lead to divorce. Mentally prepare yourself to detach (especially emotionally) and it might wake her up, but women generally take on the victim role and menopause wreaks havoc on their mental health.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 05:18 PM
2

Mine actually had the audacity to tell our oldest son that she had supported me financially. I paid the mortgage and bills for 21 years! On two properties. The truth is she started making more money than me in the last couple of years and decided she could finally take on the payments I had been making. Victim mentality. She was such a sweet woman for so many years, but I ignored what I knew of her childhood and the subtle insecurities she always had. Shopping, social media, jealousy (that one w…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 04:56 PM
4

I wish I could feel this way. My ex was head over heels for years and years, and always said she’d be out the door if I ever cheated. We had a few major bumps over the decades but infidelity was never a real concern. Looking back some questionable behavior (being jealous of women I talked to). Overall, a great relationship. But with perimenopause and midlife crisis things really changed. I hate that even if she comes clean and wants to reconcile I can’t because I would never forgive myself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 09:21 PM
1

The only way you are going to save your marriage is by truly believing you don’t want to save it. Paradoxical I know but it’s fear of divorce that leads to divorce. You have to be completely detached from any outcomes. Let go.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 01:22 AM
11

Are you serious? There is no such thing as harmless flirting.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 10:39 PM
0

One thing to add: if you have any chance at all of stopping the divorce you have to do the opposite of what is logical. Hear me out: it’s actually your resistance that helps fuel her drive to divorce. Much like the advice of not using logic to convince her that she is wrong during a fight because she is arguing with emotions and not logic, she NEEDS your resistance to the divorce in order to justify her decision. She has convinced herself that you are the problem, so if you think it’s a good ide…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 08:29 PM
2

Thanks. I think a lot comes down to the corpus callosum. Their thoughts are intrinsically more tied to emotions and ours are more separated. We still have a corpus callosum but it’s smaller, so we have more separation between “logic” and emotions. Yes, women need to realize that we are constantly trying to solve problems and find facts and logic in what they say to us. But we need to realize that is invalidating to their emotions. We need to appreciate that a lot of what they tell us is based on…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 03:16 PM
1

Yeah the weirdest thing is the way other females will play both sides, accept her betrayals and not act as if she is blameworthy at all. Truth is they enjoy the drama and are likely contemplating divorce themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 01:08 AM
13

That’s true but at least this forum allows women to post. The Women’s forums are “no boys allowed”. Because they can’t even stand to hear the other side. They seem to want nothing but an echo chamber of validation. Because God forbid someone make them feel wrong or selfish. Look at the culture. Look at the movies. The news. It’s everywhere. “Men bad. Women good”. Women in the West have more freedom and opportunity than ever before and yet their unhappiness rate is higher than ever before. And al…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 12:34 AM
1

Midlife Crisis
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:40 PM
4

I am dating a woman who has divorced twice. She basically pulled a monkey branch on the first husband. I judged her, we broke up a few times but are still mending things again. Truth is, she doesn’t want marriage, she doesn’t want to move in, her child is grown, she even tries to pay for dates (until I put my foot down), and we enjoy each others company. She knows way more about music than my ex and I haven’t received this amount of physical affection in years. Kissing, cuddling, etc. and the se…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:40 PM
3

It’s MLC. There’s plenty of good stuff online. Hero Spouse on YT but she caters mostly to women. Larry Bilota, but he gets a little too metaphysical. Andrew G Marshall also has a good approach. If the man has MLC he is likely to come back or never (really) leave. If the woman has MLC there isn’t much you can do. The best you’ll get is expressed regret 3-5 years later, if that. Accountability tends to be more of a male trait. Best thing for men is detachment. Look at some Taoist stuff. Wu Wei.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:33 PM
6

It’s MLC. They say the hormonal roller coaster is bad enough on woman with a healthy childhood (and even that still causes divorces) but add in childhood trauma and it’s a shitshow. Happened to me. Even though my woman was mostly wonderful for 27 years. Just garden variety crazy. Then she started hanging with a bitter divorcee across the street, starting having an EA with her boss, and asked for a divorce. Everything is my fault, she dodges the kids events to hang with her boss or other friends.…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:29 PM
3

It’s MLC. She won’t see logic again for about 3-5 years. Until then a selfish, childlike personality is going to steering the wheel.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:23 PM
1

You are assuming a lot about this guys faults without any info. What the hell does eating healthier have to due with feeling shut out from affection?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:17 PM
14

Lemme guess. She’s somewhere right about 45. Hitting perimenopause and comes from a family of origin with some trauma, addiction, etc?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:14 PM
4

My friend had a cousin who dated a physically abusive guy in college. She admitted that she would provoke him to hit her, so then he would feel guilty and be nice to her for a few weeks. Real healthy, right? And yes, she was a product of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:08 PM
35

I think most women would readily agree that most men are ill-equipped for the level of emotional warfare that a woman brings into a relationship. I just think it’s laughable when a woman says a man is “emotional abusive”. Like he has anywhere near the skills that a woman does when it comes to emotional warfare.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 11:06 PM
4

I agree with everything you say but damnit we are humans too. We can’t be strong at all times. And a track record should count for something, but it doesn’t because she never liked us for who we were just how we made them feel.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 04:13 PM
2

Solipsism. Inability to see past their own perspective. It’s built in to the female brain. James Sexton (famous divorce lawyer) says that the biggest misconception that men have is that a woman loves them for who they are. Look up Allison Armstrong. She teaches men and women to better communicate with each other. And even she makes the point that when men share with their woman the topics they care about, the women thinks “what has this got to do with me?”.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:13 PM
10

She’s just trying to control the narrative. She isn’t a good person. She is insecure and has to have control because she feels so out of control.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 03:59 PM
6

Infidelity is about the cheater and their bad coping mechanisms. It isn’t about you. As much as you may feel it is highly personal it really isn’t. No more than an addict’s addiction is about you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 10:58 PM
1

Female logic
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 03:03 AM
1

Hahahaha
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 03:02 AM
1

Pretty much. I think she likely told herself if it wasn’t physical then it wasn’t cheating but we all know that’s bullshit. So out of character for her but I’ve had some open convos with female commenters on Reddit and they say did similar things (divorce/ cheating)and can’t explain why nor why they don’t even feel guilty. They admit it’s something they never would have done but in MLC they just don’t care. Some suppressed childhood, selfishness just takes over their adult personality.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 02:06 AM
4

Check out a YouTube video called Diary of a Modern Woman by Sara Eaton. Especially the last 4 minutes. She’s a bit of a shill but damn if it doesn’t sound like what happened to most of us.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 01:16 AM
1

Hahaha.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 09:12 PM
1

Interesting. How long has it been since the divorce? Mine has a rebound/monkey branch so I don’t suspect I’ll be hearing anything like that from her for quite a while. Plus she’s stubborn as a mule.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 01:33 PM
2

Oh mine was the one who initiated. And she already has another guy lined up. We just had a very long relationship and I think she is in MLC so basically going nuts and soaking up all the attention she can get.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 10:34 AM
6

I’d call you lucky but I guess there were other issues.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 12:33 AM
3

Sorry to hear that. Great handle though. Like your name.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 11:20 PM
6

Yikes. Dodged a bullet indeed.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 10:33 PM
1

Yeah, it’s been a year since papers were signed and mine has invited me in for food and followed me to work once. I am not afraid of manipulation or false allegations. I know it’s MLC and I don’t expect to see the old her for another few years. Not holding on anymore. Still a bit resentful of her actions and can’t quite feel sorry for her yet, even though I know she had a messed up childhood.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 10:03 PM
0

He just kept answering with rhetorical questions. The OP was “who” not “why”. If it doesn’t apply to y’all there is no reason to respond. Scroll on. The post wasn’t for you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 09:17 PM
1

Format? Is the question not in English?
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 09:09 PM
-4

I love Reddit. People can’t answer the question. It’s a simple yes or no. It’s a “did they or didn’t they” and not a “why would they” question. Instead they project their stuff into the question and then make guesses as to my motivations for asking the question.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:50 PM
0

We were clear on custody and assets. 50/50 all the way. It was never an issue. You still never answered the original post’s question.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:44 PM
-3

Also. I am asking for survey. You didn’t say if yours did or didn’t. You just made a guess as to why a woman would. That’s not what I asked.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:42 PM
-2

Again, what would be the advantage?
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:40 PM
-1

How would that be control? What would be the advantage? Validation I understand but not control. Mine never wavered on the commitment to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:38 PM
2

The pain does get better after about a year. If you still want to save things (at least for the sake of the kids) I would recommend telling your lawyer to be brutal while you act as kind as you can. It may seem manipulative but she is also probably keeping secrets and using you for validation. So all is fair. Basically you want her to see the divorce as very disadvantageous for her while making yourself seem like a smart option. Get your own life. Make her wonder about you. Maybe even ask her to…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 10:39 PM
3

Good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 10:36 PM
6

Similar with me. Met at 17. 27 years together. She brought up something from 22 years previous during the divorce. It’s likely MLC. Rewriting history and changing values is common. Unfortunately it is a phase more or less but it’s a very long phase. You can’t put your life on hold.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 02:31 PM
2

I waited 9 months after she said the marriage was over (turns out she was also having a EA) and 6 months after the papers were signed. It wasn’t long enough. The online apps are crap. The one woman I had a somewhat healthy relationship I met in person. We still hang out but we have already broken up 2-3 times. Not sure how healthy I would call that. I feel like everyone at middle age is part of the Purple Heart club.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 11:08 PM
3

Wow! We really are in agreement. Same here, raised Catholic, atheist by age 11. I have recently thought, two of the commandments are about adultery outright, another basically says don’t compare yourself to other people/envy. Right there you could say that’s infidelity, divorce, and social media. All three have increased recently in our society. Correlation isn’t causation but they may have a common root. Nice hearing your views!
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 06:14 PM
2

I feel like you. Never getting married again. And I like your ideal new relationship setup. People change but at the same time they don’t. I think core values are always there. As far as religion, there is a difference in faith and church culture. I’ve always said to my boys that most people sign up to a church for community and not the message. In the church they call it “fellowship” and it’s not a bad thing, but it’s not really about morals or faith. Just look at cults. The real problem with b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 04:23 PM
1

Fair point. We are all acting in self-interest. It’s human, but it’s a matter of degree. As far as infidelity, which I don’t condone at all, if you are the AP and you know they are married then you are in the wrong. You are helping to damage a family for your own selfish needs. AND, even if the person takes off their ring and says they’re single, there are other signs. Why can’t we ever go to your place? Why can you only meet me at certain times? Why do not mention your kids or where their other…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 04:04 PM
4

Here’s a better analogy: your neighbor just lost their job and has to have a fire sale ( goes back to Ancient Rome). You swoop in to buy and low ball them on the price because you know they are desperate. Because you are “just looking after yourself”. In reality you are a vulture. You aren’t looking to help, you are looking to take advantage. Have some respect.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 02:31 PM
8

Thanks a strange analogy that doesn’t fit for me. What the OP is talking about is the sacred bond of marriage. You seem to be defending selfish behavior and then trying to say it isn’t selfish. It clearly is. I agree that the main blame is on the cheating partner, but someone who knows the other person is married is taking advantage of someone’s unhappiness and vulnerability. That is predation.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 01:16 PM
1

Well I am glad you figured out a plan. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 12:58 PM
1

Yeah I hear that. It’s strange I hear a lot of younger or even middle aged women defend their affairs, unless they are very religious. Often they say that their faith was what originally brought her back to the marriage and not the man. Then I hear much older women eventually say that they shouldn’t have had an affair or got a divorce. Much older and often rediscovering faith.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 11:43 PM
4

I am not calling them the gurus. They are prime examples of what the gurus claim you need to attract and keep a woman. Status, wealth, options, a purpose of their own.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:44 AM
4

No the gurus are the YT influencers. I am just saying Bill and Tom are examples of men who didn’t “simp” for their women. So you can’t win. Put them in a pedestal and they leave. Ignore them and the leave. You have to get it juuuusst right for Goldilocks.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:42 AM
4

Exactly. The disease was the poor communication/poor coping skills. The symptoms were the affair and bad relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 01:51 PM
11

Not a symptom of a dead relationship. Symptom of not being able to have a hard conversation and/or poor coping skills.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 01:44 PM
1

She has to make you the villain so she doesn’t have to feel bad. Feelings are so much more important to some.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:54 PM
1

It’s probably midlife crisis and NO they are not better than you. This is an about her and not you. Yes it’s devastating, but it’s not a reflection of you or your worth.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:52 PM
0

This shows up to my first reply so I don’t know what you’re referencing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:45 PM
2

It’s an emotional affair and they sneak up on everyone. I love how the women here feel free to call you a POS but on the other subs they console women for the exact same behavior. Yes, you should have caught the behavior and recognized that it was inappropriate, but like Brene Brown says: I made a mistake doesn’t mean I am a mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 02:41 PM
4

I mean I hate to say it but maybe we should follow our own advice. I hear a lot of angry guys online say “treat them like children and you won’t be disappointed”, but maybe that’s the ticket. I hear a woman named Suzanne Venker (she is awesome and not a shill) on YT tell women to lower their expectations. She criticizes feminism, but she also gives a great female perspective. She wants the sexes to get along and a big part of that advice is to tell women to get off their high horse. So maybe we …
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 11:42 PM
3

It was balanced. First I said that doing for others is just another form of control. I mentioned how Dr. Glover describes the “nice guy” syndrome and “covert contracts”. It’s where men think if they do more housework, or pay for dinner, or act like a good boy then hopefully his wife will give him more sex,affection, recognition. Then I mentioned how women are socially and biologically predisposed to do this also. Carrying the “mental load”. Nurturing behavior. Taking care of everyone. (The origi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 05:30 PM
8

Exactly. Funny how they still think we have “boys clubs”.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 02:39 PM
25

I got permanently banned from Women Over 40 for saying “it takes two to tango”
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:58 PM
3

Yeah it’s crazy. I mentioned codependence in Divorce, and a woman followed up genuinely interested in hearing more from me, but this one mod who stalks me deleted my comment. She claimed it’s an autobot that notified her but she still choose to delete it. She even took pride in telling me “no one will see your advice”.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:55 PM
2

Yeah seems like proof that divorced women aren’t “so much happier” after the divorce if they can’t stand anyone questioning their decision. It’s all denial, denial, denial. They are having a bad day and need the sisterhood to reassure them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:51 PM
9

Agree. I try to share some pretty neutral stuff that I have discovered in my reading, really helpful stuff for both sexes, but if I post in marriage or divorce it gets deleted. Only here can you post anything not congratulatory towards women. “There are none so deaf as those who will not hear”
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:47 PM
9

Makes you wonder if like Dr. Spock they will look back on 3rd wave feminism in 20 years and say “oops, looks like we following bad advice”. Seems doubtful given that baked into the message is refusing to ever acknowledge that women can also be behave badly.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:41 PM
-7

Makes you wonder if like Dr. Spock they will look back on 3rd wave feminism in 20 years and say “oops, looks like we following bad advice”. Seems doubtful given that baked into the message is refusing to ever acknowledge that women can also be behave badly.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:41 PM
11

Yup. I get my posts deleted if I suggest anything neutral or male positive. I even get deleted for mentioning general differences between the sexes. It’s all echo chambers. They keep claiming it’s against the post rules but it’s clear if it implies that women need to have ANY accountability it’s deleted .
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/25 01:33 PM
4

Same here. I drink too much. I play video games. But I also try to reconnect with my guy friends. I go for walks a lot. I try to build things. I am a carpenter/woodworker. I used to play music ( a lot) but the muse has left me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 02:55 AM
2

No judgement. Good on you sir.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:36 AM
2

I could have done that to her but I just didn’t care. Technically I should have.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 03:10 AM
4

Affair fog is something else.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 02:58 AM
2

Yup. Seems pretty stupid for anyone to date their boss or their subordinates. I have noticed a married soccer mom being too kind to me and the other dads.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 02:37 AM
3

Dude! How long did this take? My situation was identical except her place is still spotless. At least what I can see from the front door. Wish I didn’t care but it’s like “oh now you know how to clean up after yourself? Why did I have to live like that for 25 years?”
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:58 AM
5

Mine tried to act like she waited 6 months post divorce or so but in reality it started about a year before the divorce. So if she’s telling the truth it’s only been 6 months. If I am right it’s been about 18 months but probably only physical for about a year. She has only recently felt confident enough to bring him around our kids, which is what really bothers me. She is totally denying the psychological effect it’s going to have on them. Affair or not, he’s praying on a vulnerable woman and ta…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 12:29 AM
3

I am right there with you. It still kills me when I see the guys car parked over there, especially when she has the kids. I have asked her not to bring the guy around our boys, but she won’t listen. She is in MLC/affair fog. I am a little pleased to know that my older one just stays in his room and avoids him. I’d say i can’t believe she is so selfish to bring a strange man around our sons, but really she is just recreating the same crap that happened in her childhood.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 06:06 PM
4

I agree with everything Elderberry says but I don’t think all is lost. Try to remember that everything you do in this life leaves a legacy. Just because your person is being cruel doesn’t mean you deserve it. She is just wearing a mask, which actually proves that she isn’t as confident as she pretends and will have to face her true feelings down the road. Yes, they tend to line up a replacement and yes, they have probably been planning for a while, but they still haven’t really processed their s…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 09:31 PM
5

Don’t forget this guy has kids. Too easy to say if you aren’t worried about the children.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 11:22 PM
1

Any chance any of you guys live in Austin?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 05:10 PM
1

Yea I think we do have to control our hormones. A lot of it is social messaging. We are raised to NEVER hit a woman, which I TOTALLY agree with, but women are encouraged to still feel afraid. Honestly, I think feminism pushes the message that men are dangerous and therefore women are entitled to use verbal/emotional abuse/emasculation to make things “fair”. It’s so pervasive that even the women who claim they don’t do it still do. We men (most of us) are dangerous, but not to women, only to othe…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 05:00 PM
1

Yeah, plus if you try to date too soon using that pickup artist stuff you will just attract insecure women.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 01:00 PM
8

Very common story. Usually lines up with MLC and Perimenopause AND husband putting her on a pedestal/ becoming codependent. It’s almost like we men start off with lower commitment/codependency than women and over about two decades the roles get reversed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 04:31 PM
2

Yup. And perimenopause plays a part. A big part actually. And you can have sympathy. it’s not like she asked for her hormones to change. Don’t we all remember puberty? Well Peri can be much worse. Still we are all accountable for our actions.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 02:53 AM
1

It’s post partum. My ex wife got really demanding too after our first was born. The hormones have turned on and she is in nesting mode. She is trying to feel safe. Be stoic. Communicate calmly. Try to reassure her fears. Btw- we didn’t divorce over this. It almost brought us down, but I doubled down my efforts and we hit a great stride for the next 10 years or so. Happiest years of my life. Then perimenopause hit and things slowly died over 2-3 years. At least my boys know who I am and love thei…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 01:07 AM
1

Well I would say lack of forgiveness IS anger and resentment. The stats are that overt narcissists (grandiose) are predominantly men, while women predominate the covert category. Makes sense when you think about the way men and women differ in intersexual competition. But I find Ramani glosses over anything negative towards women. She makes money off her channel right?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:24 PM
5

Yes, the worst part is that the MLC men usually try to come back but not the women. Did he have a lot of childhood trauma? And I’ll bet you came from a family with less divorce/infidelity. Larry Bilotta has a “chaos scale” and claims that people from opposite ends tend to marry.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:17 PM
1

I like Vankin but I think Ramani is anything but non-biased. Almost all her pronouns for narcissist are he/him. She clearly panders to women. And she seems so angry and a bit unhinged herself. You know what they say about psych majors. But maybe I am biased cause my ex called a covert narcissist and I later found she subscribed to Ramani’s channel.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:06 PM
5

Sounds like MLC. How old is he?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 10:00 PM
3

Totally agree. Perimenopause did something to my ex that turned her into the kind of woman who she used to judge and look down upon.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:43 AM
1

You’re a carpenter that makes 95k per year? Where do you live?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:43 AM
1

Oh and the book Paper by Kurlanski (an easy pop history read) is worth checking out. He makes an argument about technology that seems novel. Not sure I completely agree but it provokes thought.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:30 AM
1

Hey thanks. I’ll look up those lyrics. And I’m glad you had a good day. Also nice to hear someone else disagrees with the appearance thing. It’s been a minute since I read the Republic but I wanna say the guy’s name was Gloucon. (Gloucus?) He said something like show me someone who is fake and I’ll show you a guy with money, status, and friends. Show me someone who is honest and I’ll show you someone who is broke, friendless, and powerless. During my divorce I felt like I was being punished for …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 06:08 AM
1

Well, thanks for sharing that. My dad is a super smart guy and raised me to be intellectual as well. Although he’s more math science and I’m more philosophy. I don’t know what I’m gonna do when he passes because I feel like there are no other people to have good conversations with. Had one good friend for decades, but slowly learned he was emotionally immature. Always exhibited some type of envy towards me. It’s tough to find good male friends who can hold an intellectual conversation. I’m alway…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 03:03 PM
3

I also quickly lost the battle over devices right after our first kid was born. But I also realize it’s part of the new reality. They now have horrible writing, spelling skills but they can navigate all our devices like pros and know more about code than I do. So it’s a trade off. My ex-wife hit some sort of MLC last year, started an affair, and asked for a divorce. She blames me but the kicker is that she neglects our kids too. She treats them like decorations/accessories. Aside from camping an…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 02:12 PM
1

Midlife crisis
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 01:18 PM
1

Interesting. Thanks. And yet…I’m not a big fan of Paul. Seems a bit ironic for Paul (Saul) to say such a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 06:45 AM
1

In some ways typical. In other ways it’s clearly MLC.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 06:28 AM
1

Yep.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 06:27 AM
2

27 years total. I’ll be 54 before 1/2 of my life has been without her vs with her. And that’s including all of my childhood (which doesn’t really count in my opinion). So when thinking about just adult life it’s more like I’ll be 72.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 07:06 PM
1

Crap that means I have 7 years.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 06:45 PM
1

Equally yoked? Can you put that in different words? I am curious.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 04:10 PM
2

💯 same story here. Once she turned 40 she became a different person and started associating with people who she never would have before. Divorced, bitter, man-hating. Although, I will say that we had issues even during the decades of good years. Looking back I can see so much of this came from her childhood. Trauma. Divorce. Bad role modeling. A lot of conflict, avoidance and codependence. It always frustrating me in our younger years, but I never could put my finger on what it really was. Came …
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 04:08 PM
1

I agree in the no trust but totally disagree about the equivalent earning and her to keep working. Women tend to get overwhelmed when they work AND also have to be a homemaker. Chance of divorce goes up once she earns more than 60% of the total income. Do your best to keep earning more than her and ask her if she can cut back at work. She’ll be happier if she doesn’t have all the stress from work and home. Listen to the Suzanne Venker podcast/youtube channel. She really nails these subjects.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 03:55 PM
2

Thank YOU. My old man is getting older, and since my divorce I realize he is the only true source of wisdom and integrity I have in my life. It makes me scared to lose him, but reading your post I realize that I never will. He lives in me. Thanks man.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 09:45 PM
1

Thank you so much. That’s the best. I’ve heard so far.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 07:36 PM
1

Yeah that makes sense. The way I heard it, there can be both a mother wound and a father wound, but particularly if she marries a guy like her father (father figure) she subconsciously wants to “fix” him the way that she could never fix her father. If she can’t then she gives up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 04:00 AM
1

Read no more Mr. nice guy. Apparently any man born after 1950 has trouble with codependency. Remember who you were before you felt the need to please them. Not blaming anyone. It’s natural to want to do for those you love. It’s hard to remember what YOU wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:53 AM
2

Yes, we (men and women) were made to compliment each other but the culture has us faced off as enemies. That’s BS. We were made to be our best allies.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:26 AM
1

So what’s your theory?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:23 AM
2

One thing I wonder is whether the wives have all come from divorced families. Mine did. And she started making more money than me in the last few years. But a lot of others were SAHM’s. And some weren’t at midlife yet, so that would exclude perimenopause/MLC. Makes me wonder if it’s more family of origin thing or the current culture.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:48 AM
1

So sorry about your dad. The GG2GG group has several branch offs all over the country and they ALL worship the book No More Mr. nice Guy. By Glover. It has some solid points, but I don’t completely buy in. Definitely worth the read.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:13 AM
2

That’s a good point. I think I used my insecurities like a weapon too, which is exactly what women do 🤣. Rachael had an interview with Steve Horsman of GoodGuys2GreatMen. I like his content a bit better. Same basic messaging but from a male point of view. Good luck 👍
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:06 AM
3

I really liked Rachael Sloan during my divorce but I’ve come to believe that she is still kinda making the mistake that leads to modern divorce, which is encouraging men to get in touch with their feelings, i.e. act more like women. They say that’s what they want but unless they are gay, why would they be attracted to another woman? My ex claimed she wasn’t allowed to “have feelings” with me, meanwhile she was starting an affair with her boss. So apparently attracted to leadership and assertion …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:42 PM
5

Check out a YouTube channel called Suzanne Venker. She specifically mentions that these sex differences become very pronounced right after children. Plus there is some bio evidence that a woman is more attracted to less masculine men when on birth control.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:37 PM
9

Sounds like she was stuck in her masculine and you in your feminine. Getting to be a common story. You’re not alone though. I’m the same way. Grew up in a touchy Latino family, she grew up in a cold Anglo family.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:28 PM
1

I used to call her out before the kids. Didnt always go well but kept the balance more or less even. After the kids I just didn’t as much. Distracted with kids and assumed our vows meant something. Figured we had made it so long that any turbulence would just be a phase.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:14 PM
1

There are non so blind…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:11 PM
1

I can’t believe you are having to endure a boyfriend living in your house. I think I would flip.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:05 PM
1

Yes the similarities are creepy. And yes, my ex and I had a good run (really good actually) for about 10 years after the 1st child, but right at post partem is the first time I ever saw this other side of her pop up. I think post partem she is obsessed with the baby’s survival. After the dad bonds with the children (and she is done with the maternal stuff) she instinctually knows she can split and the father won’t abandon the children. It’s hormones both times.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:04 PM
1

I think a bunch of this is the modern culture. 3 big themes. 1. We are told that our partner should be our lover, therapist, coparent, drinking buddy, best friend, business partner, confidante, our everything. 2. We are told that we are essentially the same, and there are no differences between men and women. Hell, you aren’t even allowed to define those words anymore. 3. We are encouraged to be selfish in general. Things like “let go of what no longer serves you” or “you deserve to be happy” “k…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:27 PM
1

I would say so. Total working class. Smoked. Drank beer. But a good man. In a lot of ways I resemble him, except I came from money and should have gone white collar but I didn’t like it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:09 PM
1

This is called the drama triangle, and yes we are somewhat to blame for being blinded by the beauty and sex.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:41 PM
1

Mine had a pretty messed up family. Around the age of 7 her stepdad and mother had a pretty normal blended family. But before that she saw her biological father do some pretty bad stuff to her mother. And her mother was pretty neglectful and yet controlling of her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:40 PM
1

A lot of it has to do with the media culture. Imagine being told everyday as a man that you are the shit and can do no wrong. AND that you are simultaneously a victim. You would start to believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:43 PM
8

The ironic thing is they can adhere to accountability at work, just not at home.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:40 PM
2

Jesus, man. I am so sorry. That’s some ridiculous bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 12:17 AM
2

I did it too. Don’t beat yourself up. And yes, there’s a lot of truth to the idea that nothing you do or could have done would’ve made a difference. If I could go back and do things over, I would follow my own advice, that’s why I’m giving it to you now. 😆 In 7 samurai, they asked the old samurai how he knows so much about how to win a battle and he says it is because he was on the losing side of every battle he was ever in. 🤣 you’re not alone, dude. You reacted the way a normal man (human) woul…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:40 PM
1

Totally. If anybody has the right to be pissed off it’s you. Good job on maintaining your dignity and decorum. But, it’s funny you said she got what she wanted. I heard a guy on YouTube who had a response for that. “She got what she wanted? Well I have never seen a little girl on the playground who gets a boy to play house and then says ‘now let’s do the part where you move out and take half your stuff’”. 🤣 sorry but it’s true, right? Deep down she’s very unhappy whether she misses you or just t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:28 PM
1

Yep. I hear that midlife crisis and infidelity starts in childhood. I did hear some pretty F’d up stuff that happened in her childhood when I first met her. She only mentioned it once when we were very young. I forgot about it and thought it wouldn’t ever be a problem. Somehow it popped back up a quarter century later. Fate loves a jest! Haha
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:19 PM
0

Oh, if you had your girlfriend there that brings it in a totally different dynamic. I think you handled things completely correctly. Good job. But you have to remember that her inappropriate emotional responses are signs of her feelings towards you and your past relationship. If someone truly didn’t love you, they could act just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:16 PM
1

I hear you, but from the research I read a month is nowhere long enough. She will be confused for the next 3 to 5 years or so. Basically you’re trying to attract the alien who possessed your wife, not the woman you knew. I agree, I’m not saying to just wait around and have no self-respect, but the facts are that she will be lost for a few years no matter what. All us men were once hunters. We had to know our prey. 😉
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:12 PM
0

You know it’s funny. We saw a marriage counselor long ago before kids and during a separation. Female, divorced therapist who told us she acted very immature in her marriage. I asked if she ever told her ex that. She fucking HATED me after I asked her that. She pulled aside my wife and told her to leave me. My ex mentioned that a few months back when I tried to confront her AP at my old house (a mistake I know).
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:43 PM
2

It really pained me at first to have to interact with her. I hated that we had kids together. But nowadays, I do my best to treat her like she’s some stranger I don’t know. Some woman who I might flirt or dance with at a party. Or some friend. As much as I can, I don’t look at her like the girl I once knew. At least for now, that girl is gone.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:37 PM
2

Sorry that happened. Seriously. I think her reasons are all of the above you listed. But mainly the fact that yes, she needs to lie to herself as a coping mechanism. She needs to paint you as a villain so she can justify her actions. And basically she has to tell herself that she’s happy when deep down she knows she isn’t. The mainstream culture doesn’t help and I’m sure has some new friends who are divorced, boss babe, and emotionally immature. Misery loves company and self-deception can happen…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:29 PM
2

If you aren’t actually divorced yet, there’s still hope for you. I hate to tell you that, but it’s true. Best thing you can do is pull away in a very friendly, compassionate way. You need to become attractive to her again. No matter what you discover (she may be having some type of affair) DO NOT lose your cool. You may have to fake it buts that’s REALLY tough because they can smell emotions like bloodhounds. Try to find some healthy distraction. Hang out with your friends. Spend time with your …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:05 PM
2

I completely agree with everything you said. I know it on my heart and I have told myself before that I accept all of those facts, but dancing with her the other night got in my head somehow. It makes me wonder if that person I once knew is still in there somewhere. I guess I want to believe that MY woman is different, but you’re probably right. Plus I am come to believe that the only way to end a relationship is with love. She definitely did not do that. And my recent ex girlfriend did not eith…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:47 PM
9

Your description of her is creepily similar. 43. Emotional affair with boss. Avoidant. Perimenopause. Demanding job. New work friends. New divorced friends. Avoided me and the kids. Overweight. Then lost 40 lbs with Ozempic. During divorce she briefly wanted to change her name to one she completely picked out of a hat.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:27 PM
1

Thanks. That’s exactly what I needed to know. Sorry you went through that. Seems a little comfort that at least they can apologize.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:18 PM
1

And thanks for that, dude. Very kind!
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:38 AM
2

Indeed. Thanks yourself. I still struggle with the “nice guy” Dr Glover stuff. He’s right, but still kind of an asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:28 AM
3

I think when I met her, I was practicing the Corey Wayne fake confidence pick up shit. When she got to know me, I fell into my over-sharing more “feminine” tendencies. My self-confidence is probably not still where it really should be, but I also don’t apologize for being myself and speaking my thoughts. Also she has a lot of her own baggage. And I’m an intellectual/judgmental guy at times. She kept saying the day after we had a nice evening that she was “feeling sad” after our conversations. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 06:09 AM
3

Amen.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:52 AM
1

Damn man. Really sorry. That’s pretty shitty. Little confused though. She did start working again or no? Mine had some pretty fucked up views on what was fair (and spending habits) but thankfully didn’t fuck me up with debt. There is definitely something about the way they tend to look at material safety. I think it’s baked into their nature. Hence the shopping habits. Did your’s have a tendency to buy way too many groceries?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:24 AM
0

Wow! Really interesting! Mine decided around 41 but didn’t tell me until 43. I slacked off of work around that time (plus Covid didn’t help) but I’m self employed. You’re a better man than me taking a 2nd job. But my ex was job hopping every 18 months - 2 years or so for the last decade until she got herself into a 6 figure salary. Then she started looking at me like a bum. Ever read the “Nice Guy” book?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 05:01 AM
4

Yup. Perimenopause definitely seems to be a factor too! I’ve seen videos that say about 60% of divorced women later say that menopause had a big cause in their divorce. Thanks for that! I’d love to be bitter (damn it feels good) but it’s not like these women asked to be born into their bodies any more than we asked to be born into ours. Amen, brother. Thanks again.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:49 AM
2

Thanks. Gotta ask: How long has it been for you? I AM getting much better at not letting it bother me or reading into things. Like for example she started wearing a new ring on her left hand during the divorce. Not my ring. It really fucked with me. And keep in mind she was and still is dating her boss. (Although I didn’t know at the time). And last night she was wearing it again at the party. I thought it was weird but I didn’t care half as much as I did last year. Not trying to interpret as mu…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:44 AM
4

🤔. We met young. She was very clingy for years. I know she thought I was going places and I kinda didn’t. But I also Kinda did. So I could see the mixed feelings with hypergamy. She wanted a good boyfriend. Check. She was a little jealous but not too bad. She wanted marriage but didn’t push for it. She REALLY wanted kids. Check. I REALLY fell in love with my boys after they were born. So I find it weird that she felt trapped by the marriage after giving her what she had asked for. Relationship. …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:20 AM
5

Interesting. We were always pretty 50/50 so this doesn’t apply to me. Although I did pay the mortgages, bills and all dates, etc. for 20+years but she started out earning me by a significant amount in the last 2 years. What I keep finding is the link between masculine/feminine energy polarity and codependency problems that seem to ruin relationships in general. BUT, the MLC behaviors are also really hard to overlook.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:08 AM
1

Okay but I wouldn’t say that 3-5 years is short term. Also, did your ex show this lack of moral character early on? Or for the majority of the relationship (assuming it was a decade or more)?
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:46 AM
2

Yeah the ego really likes to protect itself. Thanks for that. Seriously. That’s what I want to know. I’m really analytical and understanding gives me peace. Thanks brother.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:32 AM
3

Yeah I also notice that it’s clearly not all about me because she has definitely slacked on her mom duties over the last year. It sucks because I can’t protect my boys the way I used to. I agree that I don’t want to just wait around but I also miss having the life I once had. And I don’t think I’ll ever find that with someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:02 AM
3

Funny. My parents literally told me a story today where my Dad called my Mom chicken little after she lost her job back when they were dating.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:34 AM
-6

Haha. Thanks but she is/was the love of my life. This is not the person I married. She’s like an alien that possessed the girl I knew. I RSVPed to the party two months before she did. They’re really my friends, but obviously she’s known them for decades too. I think she’s afraid of losing them.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:30 AM
1

Weird because I showed it to my boys on Friday. Then to my brother on Thursday and it had changed.
/r/MensRights07/11/24 12:17 PM
1

They changed it to have the same result for “why does my husband yell at me”. The first result is now the National Domestic Abuse Hotline. It used to flash an AI response suggesting men be more sensitive to her needs and become a better listener. Strange that it changed right after Trump won. 🤔
/r/MensRights07/11/24 10:32 AM
18

Google is playing the game.
/r/MensRights06/11/24 11:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter