Would you have stayed?

probebeta · 2025-11-08T03:40:37+00:00

Not a chance.

And staying married but living separately, why exactly? Unless you don't mind the liability and have no problem providing for your ex then it's a crap idea. Maybe I'm wrong...

bk2747 · 2025-11-06T03:58:23+00:00

Sheeeeeeeid, I would’ve left sooner 😂😂😂

Freeman2be · 2025-11-05T14:38:24+00:00

One day I think I should have left sooner and the next I question my decision and wonder if I should have stayed. It's currently a roller coaster.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2025-11-05T08:01:21+00:00

Yes I would have stayed. I just would have educated myself better. During marriage all I could read was history/philosophy books. Now all I semi to read is relationship books and MLC books. 😆.
The divorce may have been inevitable but I could have improved my odds by understanding women better. Or even menopause better. Over 27 years we had a lot of fun and after dating again post divorce I still think I picked one of the best ones. Seriously, they all seem crazy after 40 but the ones I meet still don’t measure up to my crazy ex. 😆

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-11-05T04:10:10+00:00

Getting married was the worst financial decision I have ever made.
Don't delay the inevitable, just get divorced and start rebuilding.
Kids are adaptable. Be the best father you can be.

overarmur · 2025-11-05T03:17:39+00:00

No. I should have left much sooner.

questionoffitness · 2025-11-04T22:52:53+00:00

Before separating I was in a really dark place mentally. Depressed, felt stuck in my job. Realizing more and more that my wife didn't love me.. wasn't attracted to me.. dead bedroom.

After I moved out we did marriage counseling for a few months and found out just how screwed up our marriage was. I also did several sessions with the counselor myself and made some serious connections. Realized that a large part of my mental state was directly related to my wife pulling back emotionally and stopping all forms of affection, and support. In the years after I have continued to journal and make more connections and realizing just how she is wired and what I need in a partner.

I have lost a lot financially. Lost maybe 90% of my social circle. But, I have gained a much better insight into myself and am in a much better place mentally. There is so much more peace in my life. I also have a much better relationship with my kids.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-11-04T20:44:39+00:00

I would have stayed because I honor my oaths. But I didn't have a choice my ex cheated and she walked.

Since then the universe has blessed me with an incredible life and an incredible woman. Everything happens for a reason.

Married but living apart? That's not marriage, that's dating.

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-11-04T19:37:21+00:00

No. I was pissed at having to sell the house but that was a small price for the freedom I gained.

ABBucsfan · 2025-11-04T17:35:46+00:00

She's the one that was always complaining and wanted out, but damn.. I never should have married her to begin with. I tried to make lemonade out of lemons, I always want to believe the best in everyone. and my kids are hard to imagine life without, but yeah I was naive. I didn't really think of marriage the same. I thought with enough patience and understanding you could make it work with anyone, just some harder than others. I realize now you can actually just pick wrong and some people aren't cut out for marriage

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-11-04T16:49:42+00:00

Nope, even at my lowest point did I ever want to go back. If anything, I wonder why I stayed so long or even got married to her in the first place.

Xan-Diesel · 2025-11-04T16:07:38+00:00

Well, I wasn't the one who bailed for an affair partner but desire can't be negotiated. Had I whittled her down and somehow convinced *her* to stay I believe I'd have spent the rest of my life miserable. If we're playing the could've / should've / would've game I'd never have gotten married to begin with. I love my sons of course but they deserve better than the world their Mom has created for them out of solipsism, bitterness and apathy.

DatabaseSpace · 2025-11-04T15:13:22+00:00

I probably would not have stayed. The issue for me was financial. After a 7 year marriage where we both worked full time and no kids, my initial order was alimony of $1400 per month for 3 years. She started dating my best friend at the time, so the court pretty much ordered me to fianance a large part of their relationship. I didn't think that was very fair. Alimony amounts are based on length of the marriage and income levels. So if you have a higher income and and stay married for longer, you may have to pay for longer. If she has higher income then that is reversed, even though I'm not sure how much guys actaully get awarded and receive alimony. In my state at the 10 year mark, you are in a long term marriage and alimony for life is on the table.

So if I had stuck it out for another 3 years, I could have had to pay her for the rest of my life, not just 3 years. I think I would rather fucking die than do that though.

Title	Would you have stayed?
Author	gjhrygjhhhijvfwso
Upvotes	6
Comments	21
Date	November 4, 2025 10:07 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oo3m88/would_you_have_stayed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/would-you-have-stayed.1565642 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565642

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