~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 61 | The shift that changed everything for me | According-Designer15 | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/26 02:55 AM | |
| 21 | Healing through personal challenges | According-Designer15 | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/03/26 01:57 AM | |
| 7 | Divorce finalized, what helped me keep moving forward | According-Designer15 | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/03/26 02:01 AM |
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2 | Divorced dads - I wrote a book on high-conflict co-parenting and will give free copies for honest feedbackRespect for wanting to help other dads through something like that. You might get better feedback if you share a bit more here first. Like one or two principles that actually made a difference for you in high-conflict situations. Guys can usually tell pretty quickly if something resonates. Also just a heads up, some people can be wary of offers even if they’re free, especially in this space. Nothing personal, just how it is. If you had to boil it down, what’s one thing that helped you stay stead… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/26 10:58 PM |
| 2 | How many times?!That sounds exhausting. Having to repeat yourself and still not be taken seriously can wear you down. At some point it stops being about how many times you say it, and more about what you do next. You’ve already been clear. If she’s not accepting it, that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to move forward. Usually the shift happens when things move from conversations to action. Not aggressive, just firm and calm. Setting the direction and following through. You don’t need her agreement to know wher… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/26 10:58 PM |
| 0 | Will a court grant every weekend to one parent as their share of 50/50?That sounds like a tough spot, especially with things starting to shift after you already had something working. From what you described, having Fri to Mon regularly isn’t unreasonable, especially with distance in play. Courts in the UK usually care more about what’s practical for the child and keeps things stable, not just splitting days exactly 50/50. The travel time matters. School routine matters. Consistency matters. If midweek isn’t realistic, courts often work around that rather than forc… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/26 10:57 PM |
| 2 | Sick of the constant thoughtsYeah… that loop can get exhausting fast. Sitting there bouncing between apps just feeds the same thoughts over and over. And those questions about her, that’s normal. But the hard part is you won’t get clear answers there, and it just keeps you stuck. What helped me was putting small limits on that cycle. Even just stepping away for a bit, getting out of the house, or doing something simple to break the pattern. Not to fix everything, just to give your head some space. Also, worrying about your … | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/26 10:56 PM |
| 3 | Wife cheatedMan, that’s a rough spot to be in. Living in the same house while she’s already moved on can really mess with your head. Don’t beat yourself up. A lot of guys blame themselves at first just trying to make sense of it. Right now it’s less about her and more about keeping yourself steady. Try not to react to what you see. Just focus on getting through each day without losing yourself. It’s also normal you still love her. That doesn’t just switch off. What part of the day is hitting you the hardest… | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/04/26 10:55 PM |
| 2 | DivorceBrother, your friend is dealing with a textbook high-conflict co-parent using the parenting app to harass him minute-by-minute and weaponize every small issue like a coat or a sweatshirt to create conflict, and the fact that she had him taken out of the house in the middle of the night in front of their 6-year-old alleging stalking but he won that case and got 50/50 custody tells you she's already shown her willingness to lie and manipulate the system, and now she's using the parenting app to co… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/26 05:10 AM |
| 3 | PalimonyBrother, yes, palimony exists, it's when unmarried couples who lived together like they were married end up in court over support obligations even though they never signed the papers, and some states recognize common law marriage or domestic partnership agreements that can trigger support payments after long-term cohabitation, so basically you can get all the financial obligations of marriage without any of the legal protections, which is why living together "like you're married" without actuall… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/26 05:08 AM |
| 3 | I found that final strawcontrol the process while her lawyer backs her up with bullshit terms, so filing and forcing a court date to let a judge decide was exactly what you needed to do because she's proven she'll delay forever if you let her, and now that you've cut off direct contact and your attorney reminded hers that the house has functioning cameras, she knows she can't play games anymore and you're finally going to get movement toward freedom instead of being trapped in her bullshit stall tactics. | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/26 05:06 AM |
| 3 | Alimony in family courtyou're right that alimony has gotten worse for men in some ways as the foundational principles have shifted, and the fact that you won custody after 12 years of fighting and have been studying case law shows you've seen how the system works firsthand, but the reality is alimony is highly state-specific and varies wildly based on length of marriage, income disparity, and whether judges still follow traditional durational formulas or allow indefinite support, so while it's not a necessity and can … | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/03/26 05:05 AM |
| 5 | The shift that changed everything for meThe anger is valid bro. A month in is still so early. For me the shift came when I stopped waiting for the anger to go away and just let it be there without acting on it. It doesn't disappear, it just gets quieter over time. And yeah therapy won't absolve what she did. That's not what it's for. It's just so YOU don't carry the weight of her choices forever. Your son needs you present. That's the reason to keep going. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/26 10:53 AM |
| 2 | The shift that changed everything for meYes, indeed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/26 10:51 AM |
| 2 | Child support and divorceWhether the court requires it even with an agreement depends on your state. Some states will honor a mutual waiver of child support between parents if both agree and the judge is satisfied the child's needs are covered. Others won't. Your state's requirement for a year of separation before divorce suggests you're somewhere with more formal requirements, so it's worth one conversation with a family law attorney just to understand what you're actually looking at. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 04:54 AM |
| 3 | Woman approached me at a pub, then kissed another guy shortly after. I felt nothing. Is that normalThe numbness question is worth paying attention to in general though. There's a difference between not caring about a stranger at a pub and not being able to feel much at all. If it's just the first one you're probably fine. If it feels more like a general flatness across everything, that's worth mentioning to someone. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 04:54 AM |
| 8 | Affair confirmedThird time being cheated on is a particular kind of gut punch. Not just the betrayal of this marriage but the pattern of it hitting you all at once. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 04:53 AM |
| 3 | Received Papers YesterdayYou're already doing more than most guys at this stage. Therapy, exercise, getting ahead of the alcohol. That's real and it matters even when it doesn't feel like it's working yet. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 04:52 AM |
| 4 | Need to FightYou can protect yourself completely and still do it without making the goal about her learning a lesson. The outcome can be the same. The posture matters. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 04:52 AM |
| 3 | How long did you do therapy?documenting every incident going forward, and never letting her isolate you from your child again because what she's doing is abuse and parental alienation disguised as anger, and your child is learning that this is what relationships look like unless you stop it now | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 04:03 AM |
| 2 | Healing through personal challenges2 years | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/03/26 04:10 AM |
| 3 | Healing through personal challengesYes, we need to help ourselves to move on. | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/03/26 03:22 AM |
| 1 | Healing through personal challengesThank you👌 | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/03/26 03:21 AM |
| 2 | Healing through personal challengesThe right thing to do👌 | /r/Divorce_Men | 02/03/26 02:17 AM |
| 1 | Finally Done after Mediationcongratulations on making it through and getting 50/50, you fought for your son and won. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/02/26 12:54 AM |
| 1 | Finally Done after Mediation12 months from when she told you she wanted a divorce to yesterday when everything was finalized in mediation, she tried to take away all your rights as a father even though you've been great to your 14-year-old son, and you ended up with everything you wanted: joint conservators, 50/50 custody, $1,200/month child support for a little over 4 years which you're okay with, both of you have to agree on everything, both restricted to living in the current school district, and he's restricted to atte… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/26 01:57 AM |
| 2 | What was your experience like with therapy in the first couple of months?I didn't have a specific goal in the beginning either, I was an emotional dumpster fire just trying to function and thought seeking help was the right move, and what I needed wasn't someone to tick metrics or give me homework, I needed someone who could sit with the weight of what I was going through without trying to fix it immediately and help me process the chaos until I could start seeing clearly enough to figure out what rebuilding even looked like, and it sounds like you're already doing b… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/26 01:55 AM |
| 5 | The regret is unbearableyou're carrying 16 years of guilt and regret on your shoulders right now, realizing you were emotionally unavailable, unkind, and selfish throughout the marriage, and she told you many times but you didn't hear it until it was too late, and now you're sitting in an apartment full of photos and memories feeling like your life has been a complete failure because you couldn't be a little softer, a little nicer, listen a little longer, and the despair is unbearable because you know it's your fault. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/26 01:54 AM |
| 1 | Anyone enroll in one of these divorce courses for men?they're all expensive and what you're really paying for is accountability, structure, and community, not information you can't find elsewhere, so if you're the type who needs external structure and a group of men walking the same path to stay on track then they can be worth it, but if you're self-motivated and can do the work on your own with free or cheaper resources then you don't need to drop thousands of dollars on a course. The benefit of programs like these is they give you a framework to … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/26 01:53 AM |
| 3 | Imputed incomeBrother, whether 30 hours of imputed income is reasonable depends on your ex's work history, education, skills, health, and how long she's been out of the workforce, but if she's capable of working part-time and has no legitimate reason not to (like disability or primary caregiver responsibilities for young kids), then yes, 30 hours is absolutely reasonable to request and most judges will impute at least part-time income if she's voluntarily unemployed or underemployed. The key is proving she's … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/26 01:52 AM |
| 2 | The speech from my old manBrother, your old man gave you the perspective shift that saves lives by drawing a map on a napkin showing you this isn't the end it's just a chapter and the next chapter can be whatever you build, and the moment you stopped operating from victim mode and realized you had unlimited possibilities no matter what she or the lawyers tried to do, you went from depressed about losing half your unvested stocks to negotiating your $500k marital estate in 3 hours for $500, getting your equity check in 3 … | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/26 01:51 AM |
| 1 | A strange kind of griefThat's actually a rare kind of relief in these situations. No property, no kids, she's with family getting help, and she agreed to sign. That removes so much of what makes these things drag on and destroy people. The paralysis you're feeling isn't tied to complexity then. It's just the adjustment of suddenly having your life back after a year of walking on eggshells. That takes a minute to recalibrate. The fact that she's getting help is also something worth sitting with. You held on long enough… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 11:37 PM |
| 1 | There's hope.That's a remarkable thing for a juror to share. They weren't just looking at what she said, they were looking at the pattern. Six months of one-sided, angry messages into silence. That tells its own story without anyone having to explain it. It's a good reminder for anyone reading this who's in the middle of it. Every text you send, every email, every message is potential evidence in both directions. The person who stays calm and measured over months looks completely different from the person wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 11:33 PM |
| 1 | Urgent Help Needed - Pls AdviceEnding the relationship, not yourself. Still, the fact that even having that conversation triggers rage and threats from her tells you everything about what you're dealing with. The "I'll go end my life" threat she throws back at you when you try to leave, that's a control mechanism. It's designed to make you feel responsible for her survival so you can never walk away. You've been carrying that weight for years and it's breaking you down physically and mentally. That's not love, that's a hostag… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 11:31 PM |
| 2 | Filed taxes separately and claimed the kids, STBX is fumingAppreciate that. Your story is a good example of exactly how these things play out in practice. The IRS dual-claim situation resolving itself into silence is more common than people think, especially when one spouse's income is low enough that the credit wouldn't have generated much anyway. The key takeaway from your experience that OP should note is that having it spelled out in the decree made all the difference. You had language to point to. OP doesn't have that yet, which is why getting it l… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 03:41 AM |
| 14 | Filed taxes separately and claimed the kids, STBX is fumingThe short answer is you didn't do anything illegal but you may have created friction you didn't need to. IRS rules for married filing separately say only one spouse can claim each dependent, and generally the tiebreaker goes to whoever the kids lived with more during the year. If it's genuinely close to 50/50 physical time she could contest it and the IRS would sort it out, which usually means they disallow both claims and ask for documentation. The bigger issue is this will likely come up in yo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 01:40 AM |
| 3 | There's hope.Dyson hand vac is a perfect description. Still a mess, still annoying, just not a singularity that collapses time and space. Perspective is a weird gift this stuff gives you eventually. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 01:19 AM |
| 2 | There's hope.That's the part that people don't think about when they're being vicious in writing. They assume it's just between the two of you. Your attorney turning those emails into evidence the jury could read in real time, that's where the case was probably decided before she even took the stand. The "street lawyers" thing is real too. A lot of people going through this get coached by friends or family who watched one true crime documentary and suddenly have opinions about what the court will do. It rare… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 01:18 AM |
| 7 | I can't believe this is where I'm at.Twenty five years and she tells you she's been mean on purpose to soften the landing. That's a lot to absorb. The fact that you're still thinking about your daughter's last year of high school in the middle of all that says something about who you are. The confusion you're describing about the vacation house comments and the sudden niceness makes complete sense. You asked for a year of peace and now you're getting it and it almost makes things harder because you can't even locate the ending anym… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:57 AM |
| 1 | There's hope.2.5 years of that, and you held your ground through all of it. The mediation she refused to engage. The settlement offer she ignored. The jury trial she demanded. And then she ran out of the courtroom before they even finished reading the verdict. That's not just a legal outcome. That's clarity. Thanks for posting this. The guys early in the process who are reading quietly need to see that courts can actually get it right sometimes. Congratulations on the other side of it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:56 AM |
| 3 | Looking for advice on teen daughterYour instinct here isn't jealousy, it's parenting. There's a real difference between a mom and a teenage daughter having a close relationship and a mom using her daughter as an emotional peer because she doesn't have another adult to process with yet. You're seeing the second one and it's worth paying attention to. The hard truth is you're right that you can't control it and confronting your ex will just make your daughter dig in harder to defend her. At 15 she's going to interpret any criticism… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:54 AM |
| 3 | Social Media isn’t GoodThat rare good day followed immediately by news about her Instagram is just brutal timing. You finally come up for air and then someone hands you a reason to go back under. Your sister means well. She probably thought it would help you detach. It doesn't always work that way. The thing that stuck with me reading this is what you said about pouring your heart into it despite her constant demands to get married. You were the one who showed up fully. That matters, even if it hurts right now. It say… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:53 AM |
| 2 | A strange kind of griefFirst, what you did took real courage. A year of being held in place like that does something to a person. The weight of that doesn't just lift the moment you leave, sometimes it gets heavier before it gets lighter because you finally have space to feel it. What you're describing with the chores and the paralysis, that's not weakness. That's your nervous system exhaling after being on high alert for a long time. The routine that felt suffocating was also the structure holding your days together.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:52 AM |
| 1 | Had to end a friendship30 years is not a small thing to walk away from. Even if it was the right call, that kind of loss on top of everything else you're already carrying is a lot. And the part that probably stings the most isn't even him welcoming her in. It's that after everything, he chose neutral. When you needed someone to just be in your corner without conditions, he hedged. That's its own kind of abandonment. You might end up revisiting it someday. You might not. But you don't have to figure that out right now.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:46 AM |
| 3 | Still kinda stuck emotionallyThat contradiction you're describing is more common than people admit. Miserable in it, still gutted when it ended. Both things true at the same time. I think it's because you weren't grieving a good marriage. You were grieving the one you wanted it to be. That's actually harder in some ways because you can't even look back with clean sadness, it's all mixed up with the criticism and the feeling of never being enough and still somehow missing her anyway. A couple months is nothing. Give yourself… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:45 AM |
| 2 | The part no one talks about… support fatigueThat editing yourself thing you described is one of the loneliest parts of it. You're not just going through the divorce anymore, you're managing everyone else's capacity to hear about it on top of everything else. That's exhausting in a different way than the legal stuff or the grief. What you said about your friend who just knew the terrain without needing it explained, that's rare and most guys don't have that. So they do exactly what you said, they compress the story, say they're fine, and s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:44 AM |
| 3 | Dad in CA Wife moved “for summer,” filed for separation, kept kids 77 days, now blocking court-ordered timeYou're handling this the right way. Staying calm, staying focused on structure, not making it about her. That's exactly the posture that holds up over time in front of a judge. A few things that tend to matter in situations like yours specifically in California: The 77 days of denied access before the order existed is documented history. It shows a pattern. Courts don't always act on it immediately but it becomes part of the record of her decision making as a co-parent. Keep referencing it factu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:42 AM |
| 3 | Urgent Help Needed - Pls AdviceThat fear you're feeling makes complete sense. When someone has actually acted on those threats before, you can't just brush it off and "run." That's a real weight to carry and it's kept you stuck longer than you probably should have been. Here's the thing though. You staying doesn't actually protect her. It just delays the crisis and costs you everything in the meantime. You're not her therapist and you can't be. What she's dealing with is beyond what any partner should be expected to manage, e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:41 AM |
| 2 | HelpThat's a lot hitting at once. You're still showing up and trying to figure it out though, that matters. Going pro se in California family court is genuinely doable, especially for someone who's already been through enough hearings to understand how the process moves. The court self-help centers are underrated, every county has one and they know the local judges' preferences in ways that even some attorneys don't. The biggest thing I'd say from what I've heard from other dads in similar spots is … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:39 AM |
| 3 | One thing I did not expect about divorce as a dadThe shift you made, realizing you can't control everything but you can control how you communicate and where you put your energy, that's the difference between surviving divorce and coming out of it intact. What helped me stay grounded was radically narrowing my focus to just the next 24 hours instead of trying to solve everything at once, which meant asking myself every morning what's the one thing I need to do today to move forward instead of what's the next six months going to look like. I al… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:33 AM |
| 1 | 2 families, 1 big messBrother, you're paying $700/month in child support for 2 kids plus game subscriptions and extras, your ex moved into a nearly million dollar house with her new partner and used your $300K divorce settlement to buy a rental property, you're stuck in a falling-apart house with a large mortgage trying to support a new family with a newborn squeezed into 3 bedrooms with 5 people total, she moved an hour and a half away but makes you do all the driving or threatens to keep the kids from you so you're… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:32 AM |
| 1 | Life just happeningyou're filing for divorce after 5 years of marriage, you've been the responsible one paying $2100/month rent plus cars, insurance, utilities, and everything else while she works but never helped with bills, your job just cut your guaranteed hours so you're not even hitting 40 hours a week anymore, your savings are drying out, and now you're looking at downsizing within a month while she threatens to kick you out and make the courts force you to pay for the apartment anyway, and here's the realit… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/02/26 12:30 AM |
| 1 | How to protect myself (father) w/custody & child supportget a good family law attorney in New York who specializes in high-net-worth divorces and custody cases, document every single thing you do for the kids starting today, push for 50/50 custody from day one, and stay calm and strategic throughout the process. Don't let her or her lawyer bully you into accepting less than what you're entitled to, and don't let fear of the courts make you roll over. You're in a strong position, you just don't realize it yet. The courts aren't ruthless, they're predi… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/26 05:40 AM |
| 2 | A meme which weirdly enough helped me the last two weeks...you're not late to the party and you don't need to apologize for finding something that helps you feel even a little bit lighter during one of the heaviest times of your life. The fact that a middle-aged guy dancing in a club to "Turn the Lights Off" gives you good vibes and maybe even hope isn't weird, it's your brain finally allowing itself to imagine a version of you that's not drowning in grief and confusion. That's a divorced guy who found his freedom and is enjoying himself again, and some… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/26 05:37 AM |
| 1 | Support / Copaysif you're paying $1500/month in child support on top of covering 100% of the medical insurance premium, and she's still asking you to split every $20-$30 walk-in copay, she's either testing how much more she can extract from you or your divorce decree specifically says you split unreimbursed medical expenses and she's enforcing it to the letter. Most custody agreements outline this clearly: who pays the insurance premium, who pays copays and deductibles, and what percentage each parent is respon… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/26 05:35 AM |
| 3 | High Conflict Divorce - falsely accused of child abuseI'm so sorry you're going through this, and I need you to hear this clearly: you are not crazy, you are not alone, and this pattern you're describing, the escalating false accusations culminating in a sexual abuse allegation right before the GAL was supposed to make recommendations, that is a playbook used by high-conflict parents who are desperate to maintain control and destroy the other parent's credibility when they're losing ground. The fact that the GAL has already indicated they don't bel… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/26 05:34 AM |
| 6 | How far along are you and how are you doing?5 months in and divorced since late December, still having major down days but recognizing you're better off than two months ago, that's real progress even when it doesn't feel like enough. Eighteen years is a long time to build a life with someone, and five months is nothing compared to that, so the fact that you're functioning at all and seeing improvement tells me you're doing the work even when it's brutal. The down days don't mean you're failing, they mean you're processing something massiv… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/26 05:33 AM |
| 1 | Agreed Divorce this Thursday. Any helpful advice?the fact that you're not angry and you can appreciate what she did while still knowing you don't want her back shows you've already done a lot of the emotional work that most guys are still drowning in nine months post-separation. No kids, house already sold and split, just showing up to have the judge finalize it, this is as clean as divorce gets, but the mental and emotional fallout you're experiencing after seeing her tells me you're not as settled | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/02/26 05:30 AM |
| 2 | Feeling resentful in my relationship because I feel like I’m paying for everythingThe balance between generosity and self-respect comes from establishing boundaries early and enforcing them consistently. That means: if she's not working and you're covering everything, there needs to be a clear reason and a clear contribution on her end, whether that's managing the household, raising kids, or supporting your career in ways that justify the financial imbalance. If she's working but still expects you to pay for everything, that's a red flag and you need to address it immediately… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/26 10:49 PM |
| 2 | Need a second opinion (Alleged marital dissipation)that deposit isn't your money, it's the client's money being held temporarily in your account to purchase materials for their project, which means it's not marital property and she has no claim to it. You have a paper trail that shows it was a client deposit for a specific purpose, and as long as you can demonstrate that the money was used for materials or returned to the client if the project fell through, there's no legitimate argument that she's entitled to half of it. But the fact that she's… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/26 10:41 PM |
| 1 | Do opposing lawyers in a sense ever work together?Yes, lawyers are often friends outside of the profession, they grab lunch, they're in the same bar association, they refer clients to each other, and they have a shared interest in keeping things civil because they'll be opposing each other again next month on a different case. This is why you sometimes see divorces that seem to settle quickly and amicably even when the spouses aren't talking, the lawyers are doing the negotiating and they've already agreed on the framework before their clients … | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/26 10:38 PM |
| 4 | Wife's spending and alcoholismyou're in a worse position than you realize, and the sooner you understand the full scope of what's happening here, the faster you can protect yourself. Your wife is running a cash business that you're subsidizing by paying for all her supplies on your dime, she's hidden $118,000 in spending over four years on a credit card that's in her name only and that you've been paying off every month without access to statements, she's locked you out of all financial records including tax returns, house d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/26 10:37 PM |
| 6 | Taxes 2025your tax guy is right that filing jointly could save you both money, but here's the reality: if she wants her privacy and you're not talking, trying to coordinate a joint tax return is going to be a headache you don't need, and there's a bigger issue you're not addressing which is liability. When you file jointly, you're both responsible for everything on that return, which means if she has income she didn't report, deductions she inflated, or anything else that triggers an audit or penalties, y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/02/26 10:35 PM |
| 1 | Time sharingStep is mapping out your three week rotation and identifying which days you're consistently available. Then see if you can structure custody around those blocks instead of trying to force a traditional alternating week. Some guys end up with something like three overnights one week, four the next, two the third, but it repeats predictably so the kids know when they're with dad. | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/02/26 07:25 AM |
| 3 | Going through a lot and need adviceBrother, you just documented everything the court needs to see with that arrest and mental health eval, and the fact that she called about hurting the children combined with the physical abuse and threats to leave the country means you need to move fast before she's released and repositions herself. First, do not go back to that house alone with the kids until you've talked to a lawyer, get an emergency custody order filed immediately based on the safety concerns and her statements about leaving… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/26 12:22 AM |
| 6 | Just learned that my wife of 5 years wants a divorce.Brother, I'm sorry you're here but I need you to focus on something. She didn't just tell you she wants a divorce, she told you she already spoke to a lawyer, which means this isn't a conversation, it's execution, and the "I don't want anything to change but I want a divorce" line is one of the most common setups I've seen where she wants you staying compliant while she positions herself three steps ahead on custody and finances. You supported her for four years, carried 80% of the costs, helped… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/26 12:18 AM |
| 2 | How do I get over the terror of initiating divorceI need you to hear this clearly because I lived a version of what you're describing and the terror you're feeling isn't about the divorce itself, it's about breaking free from someone who's spent two decades making sure you believe you can't survive without her permission, and the fact that homelessness sounds better than your marriage tells you everything you need to know about how bad it's gotten. The guilt you're carrying isn't yours, it's hers, planted there piece by piece every time she shu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/26 12:16 AM |
| 6 | Endless coping where is the light?I've been in that exact fog where every day feels like drowning while everyone else is just living normal life, and the only thing I can tell you is it doesn't stay this heavy forever but you have to stop trying to carry it all alone, the weight breaks when you let other people who've walked this help you structure the chaos instead of white-knuckling through it by yourself. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/26 12:14 AM |
| 1 | Divorce after repeated infidelity – kids, house, winter timing. How do you get through this well?3 times. That's not a mistake, that's a pattern. The fact that you went to therapy after the second time and she did it again tells you everything you need to know about whether this was fixable. I'm sorry you're here, but at least you're seeing it clearly now. On the house timing question: spring might get you a better price, sure. But holding on for a few more months also means a few more months of shared space, shared finances, and emotional limbo while you're trying to process betrayal and c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/26 12:13 AM |
| 6 | Advice for divorce in VirginiaI'm going to be direct with you. You're operating on a fairness framework with someone who's shown you repeatedly that she doesn't operate that way. She broke the rules. She's still texting the guy. She's hiding his identity. And you're worried about being too hard on her? Here's the reality: that unsigned agreement means absolutely nothing until a judge signs off on it. She can agree to everything today and walk into court tomorrow with a different lawyer claiming you're unfit, she needs full c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/26 12:12 AM |
| 7 | Most guys don’t lose themselves in divorce because of the legal process...This is spot on. The guys who come out of divorce intact aren't the ones who never struggled, they're the ones who built structure when everything around them was chaos. Courts don't reward who's right, they reward who's stable and documented. The difference between losing yourself and losing the marriage is whether you had a system in place or just reacted your way through it. Structure beats emotion every time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 07/02/26 01:15 AM |
| 2 | Any other men here feel like you were left for dead?that line hits hard. "She promised she would try harder and it never did change." That's the loop so many guys get stuck in, hoping the promise this time will be different, giving one more chance, waiting for the change that never comes. The problem isn't that you didn't try hard enough or give her enough opportunities. The problem is she was never going to change because the current setup worked perfectly for her. You were giving, she was taking, and there was zero incentive for her to fix what… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 10:21 PM |
| 1 | Advice? Dad needing help on how to deal with worry of child’s compromised immune system.Anytime, buddy. You're handling this the right way.... staying calm, documenting, not reacting. That discipline is going to matter more than you realize as this plays out. If anything shifts or you need to talk through next steps, you know where to find me. You've got this. Stay steady. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 05:39 AM |
| 2 | Ex wife is claiming I owe her half the value of MY inheritance from my late father, my GA divorce lawyer isnt helpingExactly. If your lawyer can't clearly explain their strategy to protect separate property or won't push back on aggressive claims, that's a problem. Getting a second set of eyes costs way less than losing half of $85k you were never supposed to split in the first place. Most consults are free or low-cost. Even if you just use it to confirm your current lawyer is on the right track, it's worth the peace of mind. | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 04:59 AM |
| 1 | Advice? Dad needing help on how to deal with worry of child’s compromised immune system.Good call on the screenshot. That's the kind of documentation that actually matters if this escalates. I hear you on the hesitation with her. If she's the type to spin concern into accusations, you're right to think through the approach carefully. You don't want this to become about custody leverage in her mind when it's genuinely about your son's health. Here's one angle: frame it as "I noticed" instead of "you're failing." Something like: "Hey, I saw what looked like mold in the bathroom durin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 04:57 AM |
| 5 | Any other men here feel like you were left for dead?It's rough when you realize the math was never balanced and probably never would be. You give because you think that's what partnership looks like, and then one day you see the receipts and realize you've been the only one paying in. The hard part is figuring out where you went wrong in reading the situation.... or if there even was a "wrong." Sometimes people just take what's offered until there's nothing left, and they never saw it as a problem because it worked for them. You're not alone in t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 04:54 AM |
| 1 | Looking for advice/experiences from men who sold the home.First thing.... don't make a decision based on what she wants. She left, moved in with someone else, and is now blocking you from getting a roommate while her name sits on the mortgage doing nothing. That's control, not partnership. Here's the math: you've got about $33k in equity split two ways if you sell. That's $16.5k each, minus selling costs. You'd walk away with maybe $12-14k and a 3.75% rate you'll never see again. Apartments and rentals are brutal right now, and you'd be starting over w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:53 AM |
| 4 | When did it feel right to start dating & having sex again?There's no universal timeline for when it feels right. Some guys are ready in six months. Others take years. You're asking the question, which means part of you is thinking about it.... but you're also carrying a lot of weight around what it "should" look like. The cultural and moral piece is real, and if that's genuinely yours, honor it. But make sure it's actually your belief and not just fear dressed up as virtue. There's a difference between "I want to wait because it aligns with my values" … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:51 AM |
| 2 | First thing you did when you got the engagement ring back?Getting that ring back hits different. It's not just metal.... it's the weight of what you thought was coming. Some guys put it in a drawer and forget about it for a year. Some sell it immediately just to be done with it. Some hold onto it because they're not ready to let go of what it meant, even if the relationship is over. There's no right answer. But if you're carrying it around your apartment, that tells me you're still processing what it represents. And that's okay. You don't have to decid… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:51 AM |
| 3 | Ex wife is claiming I owe her half the value of MY inheritance from my late father, my GA divorce lawyer isnt helpingIn Georgia, inheritance is typically separate property.... but there are exceptions. If any of that money got commingled (like the accidental transfer to the joint account), her lawyer can argue it became marital property. That's what they're doing. The fact you kept it in a separate account under only your name for years works in your favor, but that one transfer is the crack they're trying to wedge open. Your lawyer should be fighting this hard.... showing the transfer was accidental, minimal,… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:48 AM |
| 3 | Have any men here been screwed by their lawyer?You're not alone. A lot of guys get stuck with lawyers who manage cases instead of fighting them. It's brutal when you realize the person who's supposed to protect your interests is more focused on keeping things smooth with the other side. The part where your family picked him and you had no say? That probably made it worse. You were locked into someone else's decision while your future was being negotiated away. That's a special kind of helpless. It's over now, and moving on is the right move.… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:46 AM |
| 7 | Am I the only one experiencing this?You're not the only one. A lot of guys hit this exact wall after divorce.... especially when it ended badly or you didn't see it coming. That feeling of being broken or damaged? That's not truth.... that's leftover wiring from whatever happened in the marriage. You're not unworthy. You're just operating on an outdated belief system that got installed when things fell apart. The connection you had with your ex.... whether it was real or just what you thought it was.... that's not the ceiling. It'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:45 AM |
| 5 | Maybe once is enough?Plenty of guys land here. You gave 26 years to building a family and raising your son well. That's not nothing. Now you get to decide what the next chapter looks like without anyone else's input. Some men jump back into dating because they think they're supposed to. Others realize they actually like the quiet and the freedom to build life on their own terms. Neither one is wrong. The question isn't whether you should date again.... it's whether you actually want to, or if you're just wondering i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:44 AM |
| 1 | Advice? Dad needing help on how to deal with worry of child’s compromised immune system.That's a tough spot when you can see something's wrong but you're hundreds of miles away with limited access. Your instinct to act is right.... mold exposure with a compromised immune system isn't something to sit on. First step: document what you saw. Screenshot the FaceTime if you can, write down exactly what he said and when. Calm, factual, timestamped. If his health changes (respiratory issues, more sick days, fatigue), note that too. Then reach out to her directly.... not accusatory, just c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:44 AM |
| 3 | A phase or is this just how it will be?This is normal. Your brain just got space to breathe for the first time in years, and now it's playing tricks on you. The attraction, the nostalgia, the "fairytale" version.... that's not her. That's the relief of not being in constant conflict mixed with 20 years of muscle memory. Your nervous system is confused because the chaos stopped, and part of you is filling the silence with the version of her you wished existed. Give it another month. Don't act on it. Don't reach out. Just sit with it a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:43 AM |
| 1 | Small Family Business Divorce IssuesYou're not burned out on work.... you're burned out on holding together a framework she helped build and then walked away from without warning. That's different. And losing your dog on top of it? You're running on fumes. The lake house idea isn't retirement.... it's escape. And that's okay to acknowledge. But don't make permanent decisions from a temporary fog. You've been in crisis mode for a year. Your brain is trying to solve for pain, not clarity. Here's what helped some guys I've talked to:… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:40 AM |
| 14 | Any other men here feel like you were left for dead?That's not dramatic.... that's what it feels like when someone extracts what they need and walks away once the utility runs out. You gave, she took, and when the math shifted in her favor she was done. That's brutal to process. The part that stings the most is probably realizing you saw it happening and kept giving anyway, hoping it would turn around. That's not weakness.... that's you operating on the assumption she was doing the same. She wasn't. You didn't "let" her use you. You trusted her, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:39 AM |
| 3 | Any other men here feel like you were left for dead?That's not dramatic.... that's what it feels like when someone extracts what they need and walks away once the utility runs out. You gave, she took, and when the math shifted in her favor she was done. That's brutal to process. The part that stings the most is probably realizing you saw it happening and kept giving anyway, hoping it would turn around. That's not weakness.... that's you operating on the assumption she was doing the same. She wasn't. You didn't "let" her use you. You trusted her, … | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:37 AM |
| 2 | We had the talk and petition filedYou already did the hardest part.... sitting in the fog for months trying to figure out if there was another way. Filing doesn't mean you didn't care. It means you stopped pretending the math worked. The doubt you're feeling now is normal. Your brain is going to test the decision for a while, especially when she shifts her tone out of necessity like you said. But you already named it.... if she could have met you there, she would have before you had to file. That clarity matters. Hold onto it wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:36 AM |
| 2 | Thinking about going for my PhD in Philosophy,. And then become a Professor.That's a hell of a thing to get back. Not just the degree.... but the permission to want it in the first place. If it's something you've carried this long, it's worth exploring. Doesn't mean you have to commit tomorrow, but give yourself space to actually consider it without someone else's voice in your head telling you no. What's one small step you could take this week? Reach out to a program, talk to someone in the field, just to see if the pull is still real or if it was just the idea of it y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 05/02/26 01:35 AM |
| 2 | Divorce while being on disabilityBrother, being smushed in that corner is real, quarter income plus medical disability you didn't ask for plus a wife who turned her back is brutal, but you're not out of options you're out of clarity, talk to legal aid organizations that handle disability cases because some lawyers work on sliding scale, and depending on your state there are protections around disability income and pensions that aren't as automatic as you fear, you need someone who knows disability-specific divorce law not gener… | /r/Divorce_Men | 01/02/26 11:19 PM |
| 6 | How to handle the giddinessThat relief is real, and it's a sign you're finally seeing clearly. But you're right to bottle it until you're out. She's still watching. Any visible shift in your energy, especially calm or joy can trigger escalation. Keep your face neutral in shared spaces. Let her think she's still in your head. Channel the giddiness into preparation. Document calmly. Organize your exit. Line up your own space. Let the energy fuel the work, not the reaction. The freedom is coming. Don't give her a reason to d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/26 06:38 AM |
| 1 | DivorceFlorida uses a formula based on both incomes and overnights. The judge can deviate, but usually only with good cause and documentation. If you're both in agreement and filing uncontested, courts generally approve what you submit especially if the number lands near guideline range. Not weird at all to formalize support even in a good relationship. It protects both of you if things change later, keeps everything clean for taxes and legal purposes, and removes ambiguity down the road. Document ever… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/26 06:37 AM |
| 1 | Breaking my bank ? Or can I survive thisHahaha she's funny. | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/26 06:36 AM |
| 4 | Clarity Does Come!this is powerful. Thank you for sharing it. The fact that you went from the "pick me dance" and begging her not to walk out to now seeing with complete clarity that she offered you despair while you offered value, that's the transformation that matters. You went through the worst pain of your life and came out the other side with your eyes open. You're right, you'll never beg and plead like that again. You know what that cost you now. And the silence in the home that was unbearable at first? Tha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/26 06:30 AM |
| 5 | Birthday partiesyour mental health is absolutely more important, and no, you don't have to invite the woman who cheated on you with multiple men to a party you're hosting at your house. She can throw her own party for the kid on her time. The "but it's for the child" guilt trip doesn't hold water when she's the one who blew up the family by cheating and is still with one of the guys she lied to you about. You're accommodating in almost every way except forcing yourself to be in the same room with her, and that'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:28 AM |
| 1 | Moving on too fast?you're not broken for thinking about what's next before she's even moved out, you're just processing the end differently than you think you should. Here's the reality: you've probably been grieving this marriage for months, maybe longer, while the kid issue was unraveling between you, so your brain already did some of the mourning work before the official separation. The thoughts about dating aren't disrespectful to the relationship, they're your mind trying to reassure you that life continues a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:28 AM |
| 3 | Strange Behavior Question as regards MLCyeah that's textbook midlife crisis or identity crisis behavior, the name changes, the symbolic jewelry swap, the affair, the ILYBINILWY speech, all of it screams someone trying to shed their old identity and reinvent themselves by erasing everything tied to the life you built together. She's not just leaving the marriage, she's trying to become a different person entirely, and that grandmother's name thing or considering a totally new name? That's her trying to rewrite her origin story like the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:27 AM |
| 3 | Mortgage and deed under both namesher wanting to stay on the mortgage and deed while she's out looking for her own house is a trap, she keeps equity and leverage over you while building her new life, and six months from now she can force a sale or demand a buyout when you've already invested in keeping the place, so don't agree to anything that leaves her on both the mortgage and deed unless you're planning to sell, because right now she's positioning herself to have it both ways and you're the one holding all the risk and payme… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:26 AM |
| 2 | Disabled wife divorcing meyou're in a tricky spot but it's manageable if you handle it right. Since neither of you want the house, your cleanest path is to agree on a sale timeline, split the repair costs and responsibilities clearly in writing, and document everything so there's no dispute later about who paid for what. The fact that the loan is only in your name but the house is in both names means she has ownership rights to the equity even though you've been carrying the mortgage solo for seven years, so expect that … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:25 AM |
| 6 | Why Motion for Continuance?motions for continuance usually mean one of three things: her lawyer isn't ready, she's stalling to gain leverage or bleed you financially, or she's trying to use time to her advantage somehow (maybe hoping you'll cave on terms to just get it done). The first continuance for the appraisal makes sense if the third appraisal wasn't ready, that's procedural. The second one to March with no clear reason? That's either her lawyer being disorganized or her side playing a delay game. Ask your attorney … | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:24 AM |
| 13 | Advice on how to respondher suddenly declaring "it's not fair" three years after you remarried and seven years after the divorce is her testing whether you'll cave on what was already settled. The fact that she even acknowledges the settlement has her responsible until 18 tells you she knows she has no legal ground to stand on, she's just hoping you'll fold because she framed it as a fairness issue. Here's the thing, you declined $500/month in child support when you could have taken it, you split orthodontics and extra… | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:23 AM |
| 7 | Updatecongratulations. You walked into that courtroom prepared, you stayed steady under pressure, and you got equal parenting and equal decision making while she got nothing she was threatening you with. That's a massive win, and you earned it by doing the work instead of letting fear paralyze you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:22 AM |
| 12 | wife wants divorceshe told you exactly who she's going to be in this divorce, she said she intends to be evil, doesn't respect you, and won't change, and you need to believe her and start protecting yourself and your kids right now because the woman you love isn't the woman standing in front of you threatening to destroy you, and staying paralyzed while she plans her next move is how you lose everything including time with your kids | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:21 AM |
| 5 | How do I not KMS?I hear every word of this and I need you to know that losing the house doesn't erase what you built or who you are as a father, your kids will remember you showed up every other weekend driving 4 hours round trip because you love them, not the house they lost, and if those thoughts are sitting with you daily please reach out to a crisis line or therapist today because your kids need you here, alive and present, more than they need that house or any of the things you're grieving right now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/01/26 05:21 AM |
| 6 | I found my ex wife in sexually explicit promotional materials for her jobyou're not mourning her, you're mourning the illusion of who you thought she was, and she just showed you exactly who she chose to become after you told her she was better than that. Stop checking her social media, stop looking for evidence of who she's become, focus on building your future instead of mourning hers, and give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling without letting it consume you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/26 03:02 AM |
| 20 | Regretit's the night before, so the time for strategy is over. What's done is done. You filed for temp orders, you're asking for reasonable things (parenting time, joint decisions, sale of the home, fair split). That's not starting a raging fire. That's protecting yourself. Her saying she's "overwhelmed" and "not prepared" the night before? That's posturing. She had the same amount of time you did. Don't let that guilt trip work on you tonight. Tomorrow, show up calm. Stick to the facts. Don't react t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/26 02:52 AM |
| 1 | Looking for advice and some reading materialHave you tried Reclaim Dad? Maybe it helps you. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/26 02:43 AM |
| 1 | Dual military divorce in Marylandglad that helped. On the PCS timing question, here's the play: She's trying to avoid going back to court because she knows the math doesn't work in her favor once it's scrutinized. The home demand is her trying to lock in financial advantage before PCS forces a custody modification. When PCS time comes and you're both active duty, both local, both capable, the court defaults to 50/50 unless there's a compelling reason not to. Distance changes the equation, but right now you're both there, so the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/26 12:28 AM |
| 1 | Need advice help with buy outYeah, it's a pattern you start seeing once you've been through it or watched enough guys get caught off guard. The positioning starts early and it's always dressed up as something reasonable. OP's already doing the work by staying ahead of it instead of just reacting. That's the difference between getting through this intact vs. getting rolled. | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/01/26 12:15 AM |
| 1 | 33 divorced dad of 3. Need advice.you're in a tough spot but let me give you some clarity on what you're actually dealing with here. You're living in someone else's house, under someone else's rules, and your kids can't even visit you. That's not just stressful, that's unsustainable. You're trapped by circumstances that are keeping you from your children, and that needs to change. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/26 09:35 AM |
| 1 | Need advice help with buy outthe fact that you're already thinking ahead and got your own info from the Realtor shows you're not operating from panic, you're operating from clarity. That's huge. And yeah, get your own appraisal. Absolutely. If she's already floating numbers that are $30-60K lower than what you're seeing, that's not "research," that's positioning. You're not being paranoid, you're being smart. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/26 09:33 AM |
| 9 | Small success today!!!that moment you just described, noticing she was texting and realizing it didn't trigger you, that's not a small win, that's massive. That's you reclaiming mental real estate she's been occupying rent-free since November. You're detaching, and it's working. The fact that you're cooking, handling the bills, preparing your son's transition, and staying emotionally steady while she's talking about vacations and co-parenting with zero exit plan? You're already doing the hard part. She's still trying… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/26 09:31 AM |
| 3 | I'll have a relationship with her for himthe part about getting drunk and raging online after I hear you, and I'm not judging, but that's a pressure release that's going to cost you long-term. The hate you're carrying is real, but if it's living rent-free in your head to the point where alcohol and venting are the only ways to cope, it's eating you from the inside while she moves on unbothered. You don't owe her peace. But you owe yourself something better than rage and whiskey as your outlets. If you ever want to talk through what 'be… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/26 09:27 AM |
| 1 | Divorce while being on disabilityBeing medically disabled and watching your income drop to a quarter of what it was and then having your wife turn her back during that that's a brutal combination. You're not helpless, but you're definitely in a corner right now. | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/01/26 09:21 AM |
| 1 | Seemingly hopeless situationThis sounds exhausting, and I'm sorry you're stuck in this pattern. The constant fighting, the distance, feeling like you're walking on eggshells while she's pulling further away....that wears you down over time, and it's clearly affecting your daughter too. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/26 09:16 PM |
| 3 | My wife filedI'm really sorry you're going through this the blindside, the filing without warning, telling the kids without you, all of it is overwhelming and unfair. The hardest part is that she's made a unilateral decision without giving the marriage a real chance through couples therapy or intentional work, which tells you she's already emotionally done even if it doesn't make sense to you yet. You can love her deeply and still need to protect yourself, and your dad was right to tell you to get an attorne… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/26 09:10 PM |
| 1 | Experience with petshahahahah evil | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/26 09:05 PM |
| 7 | Best Advice I Can Give.31 with two marriages behind you, five kids with three different moms that you're raising, and you're here four months separated telling struggling guys to move the fuck on with their lives because the marriage, the aftershock, the guilt, the pain, all of it stopped mattering when the union dissolved, probably even before the divorce, and you've made the decision to live and every day is happier than you were in the marriage. Brother, appreciate the encouragement and yeah disengage and take your… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/26 08:47 PM |
| 2 | Experience with petsMan, she said you could have the dog and now she's flipped claiming registration gives her full control while blocking you from seeing him, brother she's using the dog as a weapon not because she cares about paperwork but to hurt you or gain leverage. Legally pets are property and courts assign ownership based on registration and who was primary caregiver, so if her name is on the paperwork you'll probably lose even spending thousands fighting for it, but you could try proposing shared custody i… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/26 08:46 PM |
| 1 | Second DivorceReally? | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/01/26 08:40 PM |
| 1 | Wife MonkeyBranched and I've become the needy ex PART1I appreciate you taking the time to write all that out,.... I can feel you're trying to help, and I respect that. You're right that I'm not through this emotionally. The replay loop is real. The rawness is real. And yeah, I'm not looking to jump into anything..... that much I know. I think what I'm wrestling with isn't really "how do I move on from two divorces" it's more like... how do I trust my own judgment again when I clearly missed so much? How do I know I'm not just broken in a way that g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:53 AM |
| 4 | Second Divorcemid-late 30s and divorce #2.....easier because you know the survival playbook, harder because now you feel like a bigger failure staring down your 40s wanting kids but scared to rush into marriage #3 while everyone says "at least no kids" when that's literally what you want. Brother, you're not stagnant.....you're standing in the wreckage with DATA now (two marriages, two failures, patterns to identify) which isn't failure, it's education. Kids in your 40s is totally fine for men, but don't get … | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:46 AM |
| 3 | Missing the knicknacks and other pleasantriesyou're still cohabitating with your STBXW but already mourning the loss of the "small touches" the baskets, flowers, nice smells, all the things that made the house feel like a home instead of just a building and now you're staring down creating your own place by July 2027 (or sooner) wondering how the hell you make it cozy for you and the kids when the big stuff (couch, beds, table) feels easy but the details that actually matter (what makes it FEEL like home) seem overwhelming. man, here's the… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:42 AM |
| -1 | What do you all do when you don’t have a support system?you're maybe heading toward separation, had a long talk about what you're doing wrong, hope shrinking daily while she's got friends from school/gaming/even your cousins' WIVES to process everything with, and you're sitting here with literally one childhood friend who never asks how you're doing, cousins and brothers who don't check in, and you've never opened up to anyone on your own....so now you're wondering what guys do when they have no support system and no one to talk to or vent with. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:41 AM |
| 1 | Child support in OhioMan, kids in foster care, you're fighting to get them back but child support is taking 3x what Ohio guidelines say for two kids, caseworker likely lying about your income or just being lazy plugging in whatever number they want, you've become HOMELESS because you can't afford rent after support, $36K/year job with physical disability from an accident (court-documented), you filed administrative review in person over a year ago but supervisor claims they "never received it," and now you're trying… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:40 AM |
| 1 | How do you move on after two divorces? Without blame. Remember your real priorities.you're not asking how to move on, you're asking how to forgive yourself for two failed marriages while proving you're not a failure as a dad—and the answer is you STOP treating "twice-divorced" as your identity and START treating "present father learning to listen and be patient" as the priority, because your kids don't care about your marriage scorecard, they care whether you show up calm and engaged or distracted and defeated. What moving on looks like after two divorces: Own your patterns wit… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:32 AM |
| 5 | She walked out last friday and I’m struggling to copeyou came home Friday to a years-old lie (no cheating, personal matter) being thrown in your face out of nowhere, offered therapy but she stormed to her parents, came back Sunday giving you hope, then Tuesday made your DAUGHTER call to say they're staying there, her sister says she's brought up divorce multiple times and family can't calm her down, house nearly paid off, you cosigned her car last year, and now your high school sweetheart of almost 10 years is a stranger rage-spiraling while you s… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:24 AM |
| 7 | Divorce with 2 babies.10 years married with two kids under two, she asks for divorce out of the blue saying she doesn't love you anymore, wants to stay living together "because it's cheaper," refuses to get a job citing she'll "make money off her art" (which she now blames you for holding her back from even though she never pursued it before kids and only brought it up when YOU started making money as an artist), feeds the kids snacks all day waiting for you to come home from 12-hour shifts to cook dinner for everyon… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:16 AM |
| 1 | Just wanted to say thank you and an updateif you're giving up because you're tired, broke, or she wore you down DON'T DO IT, your kids need you and you'll regret this every day, so what's the actual situation/motion that's forcing your hand here? Talk to us before you sign, man, this doesn't feel right. 💪 | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:15 AM |
| 8 | Let me be the bad exampleMan, wife left you out of the blue in July, moved out within weeks but stayed "friendly" for six months, explicitly agreed you'd keep the house with no financial claims, then cancelled the notary appointment one week ago saying she's "emotionally unstable" and it's "not fair anymore" without explanation, ghosted the follow-up talk, and today showed up demanding money you don't have which likely means losing your house and standard of living all because you trusted six months of goodwill instead … | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:08 AM |
| 1 | Wife MonkeyBranched and I've become the needy ex PART2The fact that she justified two days of ghosting you and the kids with "I texted you I was fine" like YOU'RE the problem, then casually drops that it's been "a couple weeks" meaning your entire Christmas reconciliation attempt was a joke to her and her new guy....man, that's the kind of betrayal that rewires how you see people forever, and yeah you haven't been the same since because how could you be after watching your wife choose a stranger over you, the house, the family, every memory and fut… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 08:06 AM |
| 3 | Dual military divorce in MarylandMan, dual military divorce in Maryland with three kids, she makes MORE than you ($7,400 vs $6,600) but wants you to pay $1,976 child support + half mortgage ($1,350) + your own rent ($1,600) where you can't even have overnights = $4,926/month (75% of your gross income) which would put you in the negative before cars/food/gas/debt aka she wants you living in a cardboard box behind the commissary while she collects your entire paycheck and you wave at your kids through the window like some divorce… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/26 07:56 AM |
| 7 | My Divorce was finalized today.Because even when you KNOW it's the right thing, even when the marriage was broken beyond repair, you're still mourning what you thought it would be, the future you built in your head that's now officially dead, and the end of a chapter is always bittersweet even when the next one's gonna be better. You can be sad AND relieved at the same time, brother......that's normal, not weakness. Give yourself permission to feel both. The sadness will fade, the relief will grow, and eventually you'll wake … | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/26 04:29 PM |
| 1 | She is different - pro tip : No she isn'tyou thought you found the unicorn, screamed it from the rooftops, convinced yourself "this one's different" and then it crashed exactly like every other time, and now you're sitting here realizing your peace is worth way more than the risk of doing it again. The "men stay single their whole lives" thing finally makes sense now because you're not jaded, you're just done paying the same tuition for the same lesson, and yeah, she wasn't different because she was actually different, she was differen… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 02:42 AM |
| 4 | Here we are again... drunkthe fact that you don't drink when you have the kids tells me you CAN stop, you're just not stopping for yourself yet because somewhere in your head you decided you're not worth the same effort you give them, that's the real problem, not the booze, the booze is just the symptom of you checking out on your own life while staying functional for theirs. You already failed "trying" this year, so stop trying and start deciding, either you're the drunk version of yourself who regrets mornings and gets… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 02:41 AM |
| 2 | Hired a Lawyer18 years devolved into roommates, you finally admitted how bad it is last summer (her anger, spending, mental health issues tanking your net worth to $0), started therapy to make sure you're thinking straight, realized it's done in December, hired a lawyer last week, and now you're quietly setting up a place with your parents' help before telling her end of February,....that's smart given how emotionally unstable she is. The fact that your kids (15, 12, 10) are walking on eggshells around her an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 02:39 AM |
| 6 | Decree violationsdivorce finalized in November and she's already treating the decree like a suggestion......trespassing in your house (because apparently locked doors are just decorative 🙄), small violations, big violations, and now the major one, leaving the kids overnight at her mom's place where someone with drug use and abuse allegations lives while she did whatever she wanted, completely violating your right of first refusal, and you weren't supposed to find out (shocking 😂). Don't threaten,act (1) Document… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/01/26 02:37 AM |
| 1 | Toxic marriageDude, 15 years of her having an emotional affair through a mobile game she won't quit (imagine losing your marriage to Candy Crush 😂😂😂💀), gaslighting, NPD vibes, threatening false allegations, hiding $50K of IVF debt like it's a surprise party fund, guilting you for sex just to pump out more kids while you sleep in separate beds like Victorian roommates, and now she's suddenly nice because she senses you're done,...that's not growth that's love-bombing before you escape 😂😂 you already know you d… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 05:57 AM |
| 2 | Just IncredibleDocument her stalking behavior if you have proof she's following you, that's harassment, let your attorney shred this nonsense in court because any judge with a brain will see a functional used vehicle as basic transportation not hidden wealth, and enjoy the mental image of her sitting in her car with binoculars like a low-budget private investigator trying to prove you're too financially stable because you checks notes bought a car that runs. The pettiness is honestly impressive in its commitme… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 05:55 AM |
| 5 | What are your distractions?affair replaying, walks making it worse, TV numbing, video games feeling pointless when your real life just imploded.....nothing fully distracts you early on, you just stack enough breaks until the gaps get longer. Cook complicated shit you've never made - forces focus or you burn the house down, plus you eat better than sad cereal at 2am standing at the sink like a divorced raccoon 😂 Learn something random on YouTube - Rubik's cube, fix a car, lockpicking...brain can't obsess over her affair wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 05:52 AM |
| 10 | My storyyou didn't fail the marriage, man. She did. You showed up, you honored your commitment, and she planned her exit while letting you decorate a bedroom you'd never sleep in....that's on her, not you. Keep building that foundation, keep showing up for your daughter, keep feeling the emotions without reacting in anger, and trust that the path you're laying now will make the road ahead a little less impossible. One day at a time, man. You're already doing better than you think. 💪 | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 05:33 AM |
| 0 | How to balance accept versus hopeIf she's truly on the fence, the version of you that might pull her back isn't the one desperately fighting and getting hopes dashed,...it's the one who's calm, grounded, doing his own work, and not making her his entire emotional center, because that shift from "please don't leave" to "I'm okay either way" is what sometimes wakes people up, but even if it doesn't, you'll be stronger for what's next. | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 05:31 AM |
| 5 | How do I copeyou're stuck in denial and grief trying every therapeutic angle to get her to stay while she's already moved on a year ago she said she'd give it another shot and you thought you had time, then she pulled the rug, and now she's agitated every time you plead because to her the decision is done and you asking "why is there a timeline for love and growth" is just prolonging what she already ended in her head. Here's the brutal truth: she watched you grow and change, saw how far you've come, and sti… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:58 AM |
| 2 | Feeling Invalidated for Years - she moved outMan, 15 years of being a roommate instead of a partner, losing your business, no say in parenting your own daughter, one night alone together in 15 years, and she literally told you "I just want your baby, I don't care what happens to you" then made that your reality....now she's moved out but won't divorce, wants you "normal and happy" while you can barely leave the house because you've been unheard and invalidated so long you don't know who you are anymore, and here's the hard truth: you can't… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:56 AM |
| 1 | Moving out todaythat limbo ending when you sign the lease....realizing the last time you took out the trash, the last night you slept in that house, cycling through anxiety and peace, fear and excitement all at once .....that's the surreal part nobody warns you about, where the abstract "getting divorced" becomes the concrete "I'm packing my life into boxes right now." First time living alone at 37 after a marriage ends is disorienting as hell,....the silence hits different, the routines you took for granted di… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:55 AM |
| 3 | STBXW is buying me out of our house. What are the pros and cons of me moving to the town next door where housing is cheaper? We have three kids that will be splitting 50/50 time.you're making the right call staying in the same town even if it means a smaller place. Your 12-year-old's ability to stay plugged into his friends and routine is worth more than extra square footage, and you just saved yourself years of resentment from him associating your house with isolation. And yeah, the affairs and cheating piece.....that's a whole other layer of why staying close and being the stable, present parent matters even more. She might have the affair partner and the drama, but y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:49 AM |
| 1 | It is finishedthe finality hitting you with a casual email while you're carrying a year of suppressed grief over your mom dying......grief you couldn't process because you were surviving what your ex put you through.....and now it's flooding out all at once isn't weakness, it's your body finally letting you feel what you locked away to survive, and the financial anxiety (guilt spending on yourself, waiting for the other shoe even though you're independent now) is trauma response from being controlled, so EMDR… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:45 AM |
| 15 | Ex-wife’s boyfriend loves to talk shit and taunt.over a year of this clown running his mouth at your daughter's school treating your restraint like weakness and you're at 211° ready to bust him in the mouth......but the SECOND you swing you lose everything (custody, restraining orders, you become "the violent dad" in court) and he becomes the victim, so instead of giving him what he wants, pull out your phone next time and record him visibly without saying a word, file harassment reports to build a paper trail, talk to your lawyer about restri… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:44 AM |
| 30 | Divorce Effectthe "post-divorce glow up" narrative online is mostly women posting their best angles on social media after the honeymoon phase with the new guy kicks in,,,,meanwhile guys are quietly rebuilding from rubble, grinding in silence, and coming out the other side actually stronger instead of just looking better in photos. The anxiety you're feeling right now is normal......divorce is brutal in the short term, but most guys on the other side say the same thing: "I wish I'd done it sooner." You're not … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:33 AM |
| 5 | STBXW is buying me out of our house. What are the pros and cons of me moving to the town next door where housing is cheaper? We have three kids that will be splitting 50/50 time.buying a nicer house in the next town over sounds good on paper (more space, better price), but the bus issue with your 12-year-old is a real logistical nightmare that'll compound over time,,,,losing his ability to bring friends over after school on your weeks, you driving him 30-40 minutes round trip twice a day every other week, and him feeling like your house is "the inconvenient one" compared to mom's where his friends and routine stay intact. Your 16 and 17-year-old can drive or coordinate … | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:32 AM |
| 1 | Children and after school activityyou already negotiated, paid half the back fees she owed, and agreed to pay half going forward......but she's still not paying her half, it's been four weeks of trying to resolve it, and now family's telling you to ask HER permission to move the activity to your time so you can just pay it yourself and keep your kid enrolled. if she's not paying and not communicating, you don't need her blessing to enroll your kid in something during YOUR time. Just let this one go, find a comparable activity du… | /r/Divorce_Men | 16/01/26 04:31 AM |
| 1 | Would this have helped you after divorce?that's huge ......going from hookers and alcohol just to feel something, to actually breathing and living again, financially stable after 7 months of battle? That's the kind of turnaround most guys don't believe is possible when they're in the thick of it. The fact that you found a platform that actually helped you get there instead of just surviving alone shows you were willing to do the work, and that's what made the difference. Seven months isn't long, but it's enough time to rebuild a founda… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/01/26 08:36 PM |
| 1 | Would this have helped you after divorce?Man, I think you're onto something real....the gap between emotional processing therapy and just getting your shit tactically together is where most guys drown because therapy feels too vulnerable and winging it alone means you're eating cereal for dinner in a half-empty apartment wondering why your jeans don't fit anymore 😂 The useful parts are home setup that feels calm not sad, routine rebuilding, wardrobe guidance, vetted referrals, all done discreetly....that addresses the four fronts thera… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/01/26 03:28 AM |
| 2 | A letter for my wife...I can feel the weight and sincerity in every line of this, you're not making excuses, you're facing what you did and taking full ownership without asking for anything back. That takes courage most people never find. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/01/26 03:19 AM |
| 18 | Make sure your marriage is over before you start pursuing a divorce.this is real talk, once you file or tell her you're done and start moving pieces (lawyer, separate accounts, looking at places), you can't rewind that, and the person you thought you knew often becomes someone completely different the second they feel the threat is real. | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/01/26 02:54 AM |
| 2 | Incident@Gurjeetflora87 what your daughter told you initially, the timeline of your ex refusing to act, your polite contact with the parents, her response, and the sudden therapy visit. If she's already calling cops on you for fake attacks during custody exchanges and now manipulating your daughter through therapy, this is a pattern the court needs to see. Your daughter doesn't need validation from a therapist to make her disclosure credible...she needs a father who believes her and protects her, which … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 06:40 AM |
| 1 | Does it ever really get better/easier?😂😂😂😂😂 | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:54 AM |
| 1 | Do i deserve this??No, you don't deserve this,,,punishment implies you did something wrong, but what actually happened is you married someone who wasn't ready or willing to work through conflict, and the second things didn't match her expectations (the wedding) she checked out and spent a year letting you chase while she built her case to leave. The call girl Google search and 2018 photo are weapons she's using to make YOU feel like the bad guy so she doesn't have to own that she just didn't want to be married....… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:35 AM |
| 1 | WUW File first ?My experience and what I've seen, filing first meant I wasn't scrambling when she pulled the trigger, I had time to get finances organized and document quietly, and when she tried to escalate I was already 10 steps ahead with my attorney instead of playing catch-up.....guys who got served without warning often spent months just stabilizing from the shock while their ex controlled the board. The conventional wisdom is, if you know it's coming and reconciliation is dead, file first so you're prepa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:34 AM |
| 3 | There is an endMan, this is exactly what everyone in the middle of it needs to hear,...you made it through, got your own space, and for the first time in forever your nervous system actually relaxed without the shadow lurking, and now when you have your kids it's the beauty of parenthood without the constant tension poisoning it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:30 AM |
| 6 | Does it ever really get better/easier?Brother, she's been "cutting it off" with Oklahoma ex more times than a bad Netflix show gets canceled and renewed, keeps you on the hook as her safety net with "maybe there's a chance" breadcrumbs while literally admitting she's gonna see him tomorrow on her trip, has divorce papers 90% filled out but won't pull the trigger because why would she when you're still available for morning sex and emotional support while she test-drives her high school boyfriend 😂.....man, it doesn't get better whil… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:29 AM |
| 5 | 25 Yrs Married, Now Trying SeparationMan, 28 years together and after therapy you're trying separation as last resort, but she wants YOU to move out even though her parents' house is available for free....and yeah, you're right to worry because while moving out doesn't automatically kill your 50/50 equity claim in most states, it CAN complicate things if judges view you as "less attached" or her as "primary resident" while you're remotely funding the mortgage, and the fact that she's insisting you leave when she has a free option t… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:25 AM |
| 6 | She doesn't want less money despite the significant changesBrother, she makes almost the same as you now, moved in with a well-off boyfriend (splitting costs), and you're paying $2100/month while trying to start a family with your new wife,..no, you're not wrong for thinking support should reflect current reality, but she went nuclear calling it "abandoning the kids" because that money funds her lifestyle upgrade, not just the kids' expenses, and she knows a recalculation means less cushion for her. Child support adjusts when circumstances change signif… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:17 AM |
| 4 | IncidentYes, you absolutely did the right thing as a father. When your 5-year-old tells you something concerning happened with another child, you don't need a therapist's permission to act...,you protect first, validate later. The fact that your ex refused to talk to her friend, insisted your daughter go to therapy before addressing it, and then used the therapist visit to gaslight your daughter into changing her story is textbook manipulationshe's protecting her friendship over your child's safety and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:10 AM |
| 7 | Made appointment to see a lawyerMan, you spent 6 months fighting for your life getting a heart transplant, came home weak and dependent, and while you were recovering she was spending nights away before finally telling you she's been in a relationship with a woman....and now you're the one who's gonna pay 30% of your income in alimony to someone who abandoned you at your most vulnerable. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/01/26 03:09 AM |
| 2 | Interesting chat with mother-in-lawThe age gap and "looking for fun" thing you noticed definitely suggests he's not thinking long-term the way you were, but you're right that there's no way to know for sure. Either way, the important part is you're not sitting around waiting to see if it crashes so you can feel validated..you're moving forward regardless. Whether she realizes what she gave up in 6 months or 6 years doesn't change the fact that you're rebuilding now and won't be available when (if) she figures it out. That's the r… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 10:34 PM |
| 1 | divorceBrother, divorce is brutal enough with support....doing it in a state where you don't speak the language fluently, have no family or friends, and don't know the system is survival mode on expert difficulty, so your immediate priorities are: find an attorney who speaks your language or uses a translator (don't navigate legal documents you can't fully understand), connect with immigrant/cultural community groups for support and resources, document everything in writing to minimize language barrier… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:30 AM |
| 3 | Interesting chat with mother-in-lawHaha bro, your mother-in-law is basically like "I raised this girl for 30 years and now she's posting 'healing energy' and 'universe vibes' on Facebook while blowing up her marriage for a dude who's probably gonna ghost her in 3 months I don't know her anymore" 😂 And yeah man, the "I'm healing, I'm growing, the universe wanted this" posts are just the adult version of "it's not you, it's me" she's building a whole spiritual narrative so she doesn't have to admit she nuked a marriage for butterfl… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:29 AM |
| 2 | Feeling Frustrated, I'm divorced, gave her everything, just want some peaceMan, 22 years of you working and building while she went to school for 20 years straight (12 colleges, multiple degrees, never settled into a career), you raised the kids solo while she studied, drank yourself numb from loneliness during COVID while managing everything, stopped drinking and tried to save it, she wanted a "break" but came to you for sex with no kissing (using you), and when you finally filed she got shocked,.,. then walked away with 4 houses, the cash, and you pay child support w… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:27 AM |
| 8 | I feel like i'm the villainMan, she left you for another guy after 12 years and a baby, and now you're watching her thrive like lost weight, better career, tidy house, wealthy boyfriend while you're struggling to keep your flat clean and feeling exhausted on your weeks with your son........and instead of being angry at her for blowing up your family, you're convinced YOU'RE the villain and she made the right choice. She didn't leave because you weren't good enough, she left because she met someone new and chose the dopami… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:23 AM |
| 3 | Service Day!Haha bro, ChatGPT told you to stay away from the house after serving her? That's wild....even the AI is like "yeah man, get out of there, this is about to pop off" 😂 Real talk though, reactions are all over the map. Some guys get the full meltdown with tears and "how could you," some get rage and stuff thrown at walls, some get the ice-cold silent treatment followed by her lawyer calling in like 2 hours ready for war. And then there's the guys who get hit with false accusations the same day she'… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:17 AM |
| 13 | Found the affair yesterdayyou can't decide if you want to work it out until you know if SHE wants to work it out, and right now you're the only one who knows the truth...she's still living the lie. The fact that you talked to a lawyer today was smart (protect yourself, know your options), but before you confront her, make sure you've documented everything (screenshots, cloud backup she can't access), because once she knows you know, those messages disappear and her story changes. As for your kids.... they're gonna hurt e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:15 AM |
| 1 | Married jointly vs separatelyMost attorneys recommend filing separately once you're in active divorce proceedings unless there's a massive tax benefit and you trust her to report everything accurately and you can get it written into your settlement that she holds you harmless for any issues....otherwise you're opening yourself up to shared liability on a return with someone who has zero incentive to protect you anymore. Talk to your divorce attorney and a CPA before deciding, because whatever you save on taxes could get wip… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:13 AM |
| 2 | To continue with the contempt hearing or not2 years of getting screwed removed from your home, financially gutted, now $10-14K of your stuff including firearms she won't turn over, one from your father, second attorney telling you to drop the contempt hearing even though you have evidence she has them and acted in bad faith signing the decree I get why you're struggling with just letting her walk away with everything after all this.... your lawyer's probably right that even if you prove contempt, the judge won't jail her or force her to c… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:11 AM |
| 3 | This must be the breaking pointMan, second forgotten birthday, you're on the road working, not even a text, and you've already found the auto-delete message app that's not the breaking point, that's confirmation you've been at the breaking point for a while and just needed one more thing to stop questioning yourself. Skip the coach, hire a family law attorney first (consultation this week, not next month) because if she's using auto-delete apps she's already covering tracks and you need to know your rights and next moves befo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:05 AM |
| 3 | Divorce and young kidsThe idea of not seeing them every day breaks something in you that's hard to even put into words. I get it. And yeah, they don't see you and your wife fighting, but you're carrying all of it alone, and that's exhausting. Kids are tougher than we think when parents handle things right, but it doesn't make the fear any less real. You're allowed to be scared and not have answers yet. | /r/Divorce_Men | 13/01/26 06:03 AM |
| 1 | Feeling a divorce coming soon, advice needed.AI, Haha nothing's wrong, man just glad I could help. That's what this is all about, supporting each other through the chaos. Keep pushing forward, brother. 💪 | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 07:23 AM |
| 3 | Feeling a divorce coming soon, advice needed.Man, you're doing all the right things now but I had a buddy who kept trying to "fix things" while his wife planned a "family trip" abroad he didn't lawyer up because he didn't want to "escalate," she filed from overseas, and he spent six months and $40K just sorting out jurisdiction while she controlled the kids, so don't be that guy, call a CA attorney this week before that trip, because working on your marriage and protecting your legal position aren't mutually exclusive but letting your daug… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 03:54 AM |
| 1 | Litterly and figuratively stabbed on the back by the one person. I thought was going to be 4 ever bou I was wrong!!! Let me know if this makes sense to everyone or how fair this is 42male abused horrifically for years 45 female ex no remorse and no not bitter looking for recommendations on recourseMan, I need to be straight with you what you're describing is beyond Reddit advice: you were stabbed, almost died (3-inch liver laceration, 15 pints of blood loss, collapsed lung, emphysema), she walked with both cars and $100K income while you're on $21K disability with no transportation, defaulted on the divorce because you had no communication access, and now she's getting felony assault dropped to a misdemeanor while you're dealing with PTSD, identity theft, surveillance devices in your home… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 03:47 AM |
| 1 | Story of my lifeSix months in, your judge is incompetent and weird, both lawyers complain about him, his staff is mismanaged, and now he's issuing rulings where he secretly adds his own sentences into direct quotes from state forms to make them more directed at you and when you Google him you find out every lawyer in the state has disparaging nicknames for him, he's been reassigned multiple times for bad behavior, and was recently removed from his own courtroom by state marshals. And this is your second divorce… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 03:45 AM |
| 1 | 2-2-5-5 vs 7-7You could lose your job if you're locked into 2-2-5-5 because of the constant handoffs and unpredictable travel schedule, she's pushing for it so she can play tennis and work nights, and she's already combative and refuses to communicate about the kids' plans meanwhile you're trying to build a case for 7-7 based on what's best for the kids (11 and 13, active schedules) when the reality is it's also what keeps you employed and stable. Here's the argument for 7-7 from the kids' perspective: fewer … | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 02:43 AM |
| 1 | Living in limbo13 years together, raised her son as your own, still covering the mortgage while living at your parents full-time because she says she needs space,but when you're together it feels normal, she shows softness and makes bids for connection, then pulls back and says you're not taking the split seriously when you try to save it. Now you've backed off completely, moved out full-time, stopped reconciliation attempts, and you're stuck in limbo wondering if giving her space will make her realize what sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 02:36 AM |
| 3 | ChatGPTTwo months sober and finalizing next week without lawyers, that's solid work, man, especially keeping it clean while staying clear-headed through the process. Using ChatGPT for detachment boundaries makes sense when you're still communicating regularly and trying to figure out where the line is between "getting along" and accidentally staying emotionally tangled. The AI framework can help as a starting point, but the real test is whether you can actually hold those boundaries when it stops feeli… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 02:28 AM |
| 2 | Still fuck upDivorce final for a month, you still pay her phone bill so she can talk to the kids she only sees once a month, you drive them to her for overnights, and you're still fighting the battle between your head (let go) and your heart (still hurts) man, the fact that you're doing all this "for the children" while she left and barely shows up is keeping you tied to her in ways that make healing almost impossible. Paying for her phone, driving kids to her, helping her financially even though she doesn't… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 02:26 AM |
| 1 | Would this be a boundary issue?You're asking if it's okay to text about school logistics and after-school activities bleeding into your time that's not a boundary issue, that's basic co-parenting communication, and if you don't have a legal agreement in place then everything runs on good faith until it doesn't. Text her once, keep it simple and factual: "How are kids getting to school this week given (recent events]?" and "After-school activities have been shifting into my parenting time the last few months, need to figure ou… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 02:25 AM |
| 9 | The dogYour 19 year-old who never leaves his room suddenly becomes the dog's advocate at 8pm on a Saturday demanding an ER vet visit that'll cost thousands, then forgets the dog outside overnight, calls mom all morning in a panic, but won't even ride with the dog to the vet when she shows up and now she's the hero taking the dog to the expensive ER on Sunday even though she's "broke" and begging for spousal support in court declarations. This isn't about the dog being constipated, this is about them ta… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 01:49 AM |
| 0 | Man im in a dark space againBrother, 3 and a half months out, divorce just finalized, she's probably in Hawaii with someone new while you're sitting alone with dark thoughts and kids who barely seem interested, on top of losing your mom last year and making that impossible decision to let her go, that's not waves, that's getting hit by the whole ocean at once and you're just trying to keep your head above water. The "loser who'll be alone forever" feeling makes sense when everyone you poured into (wife, kids, family) eithe… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/01/26 01:48 AM |
| 2 | I’m so mad at herMan, she finally apologized after decades, you let yourself hope for two weeks, and then she blamed you for the exact same stuff classic "accountability stopped by for coffee but didn't stay for dinner) move 😂 | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 09:08 PM |
| 2 | I’m so mad at heryou don't miss her or the relationship, you miss the idea that all those years of walking on eggshells actually led somewhere, that it meant something bigger than just survival mode. That "cosmic plan" feeling is what keeps guys stuck even after they know it's done, because admitting there wasn't one, that it was just wasted time and misplaced hope, hurts worse than the divorce itself. The good news is you're already seeing it clearly now it's just about building something intentional instead of… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 09:06 PM |
| 2 | Seeking advice on how to keep inheritance separate with divorce on the horizonYou're about to receive inheritance with a $15K tax bill attached, divorce is likely within the next year or two, and you're trying to figure out how to pay the taxes without contaminating the segregation smart move thinking ahead on this. The core issue is that paying taxes from joint funds or depositing inheritance into joint accounts (even temporarily) can blur the line in divorce proceedings, especially if she later argues you "gifted" or "commingled" the funds by using marital money to cove… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:48 AM |
| 1 | UpdateBrother, you went from peace and quiet to suddenly she wants coffee dates that's not her being friendly, that's her finally realizing you're ACTUALLY done and now she's scrambling like "wait, he's serious??" 😂 She monkey-branched to the coworker, nuked the marriage herself, and now can't stop with the "omg I messed up" texts while pretending it's about tweaking the parenting schedule? Nah man, that's just the new guy turning out to be mid and you being way too calm and happy for her liking. You … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:47 AM |
| 2 | How do you handle high conflict communication?Six years into high-conflict since 2018 and you're still dealing with constant complications and aggression that's now affecting your kid the fact that you're channeling that into an MBA focus on co-parent communication instead of just surviving it says a lot about where your head is. The hardest part for most guys isn't the conflict itself, it's the asymmetry you're trying to de-escalate, document, stay neutral for the kid's sake, and she's weaponizing every interaction knowing that your restra… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:36 AM |
| 2 | 14 overnights vs. 50/50Man, three years of litigation, false DV arrest, kicked out of your house, and now you're at the finish line with the judge recommending 14 overnights instead of true 50/50, I get why you're asking if it's worth pushing for one more night when you're this close and exhausted. But here's the thing: 14 overnights isn't 50/50, it's 46.7%, and depending on how Illinois calculates child support, that percentage gap could cost you thousands annually because a lot of states tie support directly to over… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:32 AM |
| 3 | Is it Time to Fire my Attorney?Your attorney went radio silent on a court-ordered third appraisal with two weeks until your next appearance, hasn't responded to two emails, and the secretary's only explanation is "she's sick" meanwhile this is the second time her lack of communication has delayed your case, and last time it was your wife's attorney who couldn't get a response. If she's too sick to work she should have someone covering her cases, and if she's not that sick then she's just not prioritizing you, and either way y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:28 AM |
| 1 | Not sure what I’m supposed to doYou've been fighting to save the marriage for a year while she's been emotionally gone, and now she's finally saying out loud what she's been planning quietly moving out in "6 months or so" (which keeps shifting) while expecting your continued financial support indefinitely until she "gets back on her feet" after 17 years of not working. The fact that she avoids the conversation, cries when you push, tells you you're "overthinking," and won't clarify her timeline or what "support" actually means… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:25 AM |
| 2 | Telling HerYour attorney's advice to secure the agreement before filing makes sense tactically documentation that you proposed 50/50 in good faith protects you if things escalate later but the risk is that telling her before you've filed and secured your own place gives her time to prepare her counter-move, and in high-conflict situations that head start can cost you. The fact that you're worried about fighting forever to see your kids tells you something about how you think she'll respond, so the question… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:23 AM |
| 5 | The 'after-divorce' trapMan, appreciate you sharing this, eight years of self-destruction followed by finally pulling out of it, only to realize you can't rewind the damage when the moment you've been waiting for shows up, that's a brutal lesson to learn the hard way, and the part about life never stopping while you did is the wake-up call a lot of guys need to hear because it's easy to think "I'll get my shit together when I'm ready" and then wake up years later realizing you just traded one kind of pain for another. … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:20 AM |
| 3 | I’m so mad at herMan, you filed because she demanded it, walked through a year of this, and now you're still half-waiting for her to call and rewind it all even though you know she won't. That anger at her for letting it get here, at yourself for not stopping it, and then being exhausted from crying over a future you didn't even feel was yours to begin with that's the hardest kind of grief because you're not even sure what you're mourning. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/01/26 02:14 AM |
| 8 | Completely HumiliatedBeing taken in by a friend when your whole life just got condensed into boxes is humiliating in a way that's hard to explain and that sick feeling every day makes sense when everything you built just got erased overnight. The fact that you have a buddy who stepped up matters more than it probably feels like right now, and you don't have to have this figured out yet. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/26 04:50 AM |
| 1 | How do you find the courageYou've tried twice to say it plainly and both times she redirected the conversation to her crisis, her fears, her needs and now you're watching her make changes you don't feel anymore while the guilt keeps you locked in a pattern you already know doesn't work. The fact that you can see you're mimicking your parents' failed marriage and still feel trapped by guilt and "father role" expectations tells you everything staying in something dead because leaving feels selfish isn't protecting your kids… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/26 04:41 AM |
| 2 | (Louisiana divorce) is my dad going to be absolutely ruined??? why does La law say women are entitled to so much!!!!!!A signed 2009 decree that only addressed the house and vehicle doesn't suddenly become expandable 16 years later to include 401Ks, overseas properties, and retroactive rent just because she finally decided to push—if his current lawyer is making this sound inevitable instead of aggressively challenging enforcement deadlines, statute of limitations, and the finality of that original agreement, he's not being protected. The fact that she declined exclusive use of the home, never pursued sale or bu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/26 04:39 AM |
| 1 | General advice on selling house and moving situationYou're carrying a lot here covering four years of mortgage, stepping up as a father figure, and now realizing how much you poured into something that's being dismantled while her boyfriend pays the bills and they plan their next move together. The HELOC instinct to say no is sound, adding shared debt right before you're trying to separate cleanly rarely helps the guy who's already out of the house, and you're right to question whether you'll get stuck funding her exit from a home you've already … | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/01/26 04:35 AM |
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