Regret

IcyMycologist4837 · 2026-01-30T13:28:49+00:00

It seems to me you are doing it right. You start with getting the process going and setting court dates and a trial date. Don’t move off the trial date. In the meantime she can propose settlement agreements. Don’t get fooled thinking mediation is viable. Many times it is used to drag things to wear down the weaker party. Having the court in play is the way to go and does not prevent her from offering a settlement with or without mediation. Btw ChatGPT is very good but you need to make sure it is not hallucinating. Always check that when it references case laws in your filings.

NotYours25 · 2026-01-29T02:37:50+00:00

I filed first too. I didn’t want the divorce she did. I wanted to protect myself. 4 years later we’re still in court. Get it over as quickly as possible.

Sea_Structure_2910 · 2026-01-28T20:30:09+00:00

For some perspective on the other side of it, I attempted to do everything to keep things amicable between me and my XW. Pushed for splitting things down the middle ourselves (since we were both in tune with our finances and we didn't have kids or property to deal with this would have saved us a lot of time and money). Pushed for mediation when that started to break down.

I finally had to go file for divorce and just let it play out. That fortunately forced her to the table and we signed a joint decree, so we didn't have to drag it through the court, but I was pretty surprised she didn't go that far - I guess her lawyer helped her realize it wouldn't be worth the price.

Looking back, I wish I would have just filed the day I told her I wanted a divorce. And I wish I would have done that a year earlier too instead of giving her so many useless second and third chances. Because ultimately, her playbook was simple and effective: she played along at every step, but then blew things up as soon as we were about to hit a deadline, and dragged things out for almost a year.

Hindsight is 20/20 and all that, but it definitely worked out in her favor financially. I was the only one working and we split things 50/50, so she got a nice big share of my wages during the entire process, not to mention I indirectly paid for half of all her living expenses while we were separated.

I think you made the right call. You're getting a divorce - she's no longer on your side and you aren't obligated to be on hers. Take care of yourself, it's her job to take care of her.

Chemical-Eye-1828 · 2026-01-28T19:38:04+00:00

Definitely not best time to change the strategy but going forward perhaps you should consider self reflection as a way to find out what your core values are as a man and then align yourself accordingly. This will be a great compass for guidance on difficult decisions like this. Learn from this experience and see what you want to achieve by your actions.

Best of luck

dhillbro · 2026-01-28T10:50:48+00:00

Honestly you did way better than most (99% of) men. You aren't asking for anything unreasonable. She isn't your wife anymore. You don't owe her anything more than what a judge will order. Mostly women do this kind of stuff. Glad to see you protected yourself.

DistrictDivorceCoach · 2026-01-27T10:16:34+00:00

You are definitely going in scorched earth, and this is probably an awful path to take. I dont know your circumstances, but ChatGPT is a shitty lawyer. This is a crazy emotional way to initiate a split, and will potentially make you look unhinged. Do you have any idea what the law is? Have you looked to see if there are any self help centers in your local family court? If you live in a 50/50 custody jurisdiction, most places in the US are going that way, this is probably a lot and totally unnecessary. If she is abusive and causing harm, that is one thing, but if you guys are just breaking up, I would be surprised if the Judge granted you anything, particularly if you are representing yourself. I am not a lawyer, but I represented myself Pro-se for a few years, and it is not easy. I can not tell you what to do, but my advice other than be incredibly courteous and respectful in court. Do not go on an angry rant, do not lose your cool when the judge asks you all the questions you will not be able to answer, and do not lie or say anything that you cant back up with evidence. This is a terrible idea. Before you do any other legal filings, get help from an actual person. There are amazing resources available for free or at reasonable costs. Good luck today.

FirelineJake · 2026-01-27T09:56:28+00:00

Filing temp orders to protect parenting time and assets isn't starting a fire rather establishing guardrails, which is exactly what they're designed for. Her suggesting mediation after you filed shows the temp orders are working as intended by creating urgency to negotiate. That said, get an actual family law attorney consult ASAP. ChatGPT can't assess your jurisdiction's specifics or read the room like a local lawyer can, and you need real legal advice before tomorrow's hearing.

According-Designer15 · 2026-01-27T02:52:57+00:00

it's the night before, so the time for strategy is over. What's done is done. You filed for temp orders, you're asking for reasonable things (parenting time, joint decisions, sale of the home, fair split). That's not starting a raging fire. That's protecting yourself.

Her saying she's "overwhelmed" and "not prepared" the night before? That's posturing. She had the same amount of time you did. Don't let that guilt trip work on you tonight.

Tomorrow, show up calm. Stick to the facts. Don't react to whatever she or her lawyer throws at you. The judge has seen this a thousand times. You're not the asshole for filing first and asking for what's fair.

Get some sleep if you can. You've got this, man.

gaelorian · 2026-01-27T02:21:52+00:00

If you’re using ChatGPT and not a lawyer then you’re going to pay more to unfuck what ChatGPT told you. It does NOT give good legal advice. It makes things up. It tells you what you want to hear.

I’m a lawyer but not a divorce lawyer. I have friends that are, though. It’s worse than looking at google for legal answers because at least with google you can see it you’re reading a legit website. ChatGPT doesn’t make the cites easy to access.

I hope you and your future ex were already fighting and things were contentious because this was an aggressive move that suggests you don’t think you’ll be able to work anything out without lawyers and a judge.

North-Permit-1021 · 2026-01-27T01:38:53+00:00

Man thats tough , finding help thru AI is not that bad but it will let you hear what you wanna hear only

Coffeecankicker · 2026-01-27T01:10:25+00:00

Smart man. Wish I had done that first.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2026-01-27T00:38:03+00:00

Well done. File first. Start the process.

Mediation is a joke. As my lawyer told me, if you're actually and truly cordial mediation could work. But then, if it doesnt, you'll end up using lawyers anyway.

Good for you for doing this and keeping her off-balance.

Remember... divorce is a business transaction and nothing more. Your wife is no longer your wife.

psychcaptain · 2026-01-27T00:36:55+00:00

Since the goal of my wife is to get out from being a Mother at least some of the time and my parents are willing to bank roll me for a while, I have more Faith in my wife. Except she is a cheating adulteress.

digcycle · 2026-01-27T00:32:34+00:00

The blame and would’ve should’ve could’ve always comes out as gaslighting during divorce. Mine said similar things like she was suggesting mediation all along when I was the first person to suggest it and never heard her suggest it once. They were never going to suggest mediation but want it to seem like it was always their idea and you were being the unreasonable one. Stay the course. She’ll settle and you’ll both wrap this up soonest. Good luck!

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2026-01-27T00:06:29+00:00

Ummm, not your problem she isn’t “ready”.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-27T00:04:40+00:00

Better to regret being an asshole than regret being out on your ass. Keep marching and don’t you dare let up, if she wanted you could probably settle the whole case tomorrow. She’s just playing pity party until she finds an opening to strike back. Even if she isn’t, you should behave as though she is. Wishing you a positive result tomorrow and you both a speedy and fair settlement.

rumblegod · 2026-01-26T23:41:38+00:00

Good use of AI! No shame at all

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-01-26T23:39:53+00:00

Doesn't matter who files first. If you are both done then all this is just the process of getting divorced.
No reason not to keep it cordial, firm and friendly with boundaries but just keep going and look after yourself.
She can get her own ducks in a row. It's not your fault she is behind on all the paperwork.

ImpertinentNazgul · 2026-01-26T23:27:44+00:00

Brother, divorce brings out the worst in everyone involved. Even “amicable” divorces have rancor and distrust. The romance is over, you have to treat it like business and do what’s best for you.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-01-26T23:26:25+00:00

The fire was always coming. The only difference is who gets burned first.

ChiefsGuy2014 · 2026-01-26T23:26:17+00:00

Everything’s amicable until there’s money involved and they’re told no. You’ve done the logical thing, not the emotional thing, and have protected yourself.

Title	Regret
Author	NoIdeasNoSolutions
Upvotes	25
Comments	33
Date	January 26, 2026 11:20 PM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qnwlob/regret/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/regret.1572020 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572020

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