Get this

bdkgb · 2026-05-28T21:53:41+00:00

Wtf did you not have a lawyer??

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-05-27T14:44:04+00:00

You're giving up way too much.

frazld54 · 2026-05-24T23:07:13+00:00

Get a better attorney if in So Calif I have a good one and female to boot. She doesn't put up with that crap. Saved me over 100k on the opponents lawyer mistake.

Sock_Eating_Golden · 2026-05-24T11:11:39+00:00

My ex started with an absolute honey deal for her that I agreed to "for the children." It was roughly 75/25.

When she filled behind my back and didn't serve me I had to get an attorney and started fighting back.

We finally agreed to about a 60/40 split still in her favor. It was her plan. I agreed. Then they rescinded the deal and went for more. I stopped all negotiations. I told her I cannot negotiate with someone who's negotiating in bad faith. I told her will just take it to the judge and let them order a sale of everything. Pay off debts. Split what's left. She threatened to sell my firearms collection and hunting gear, my bird dogs, the home I just bought after separation, everything. I told her I was fine with all of that. She finally agreed to about a 55/45 split in her favor.

Worse is that after all that she now thinks we're best friends.

FUMoney · 2026-05-24T02:27:38+00:00

Go to trial. Cancel all mediation.

Never accept that deal. Beyond terrible.

velvet4soles · 2026-05-23T23:50:57+00:00

No disrespect but I bet if I pay a visit to these homes none are neat and tidy.
In my option if the man supports the family financially the women should have EVERYTHING in check at home.

I'm taking the kids to school, I do the laundry, I'm the one taking care of the after school activities. I shower and bathe them. I make sure he has lunch for work. I care and nurture my family and pray that man comes home safe! My home is spotless clean and I make sure I have a hot meal ready on the table when he returns from a long day. Because that's how it should be. I'm that house wife that does the duties a hard working man is entitled to.

jimsmythee · 2026-05-23T21:57:52+00:00

It's called Goal Posting.

If he will agree to xxx and yyy, she says ok, "let's go".

And then she says, "well, if he will agree to xxx and yyy? Then he'll probably agree to zzz as well."

And then if you agree to xxx, yyy, and zzz? She will say, "Then he will agree to xxx, yyy, zzz, and aaa!" Lather, rise and repeat.

My exwife tried that trick at mediation. I didn't fall for it. I said "See you at trial." I did way better at trial

NC_Geezus · 2026-05-23T21:26:30+00:00

Dude, that was a terrible deal and I don’t know what your 401k even is. BEST case agree to split 401k (legally, she can’t get more than half). Use your half of the equity for n the house to negotiate alimony.

I signed over my half the equity lieu of any alimony - that sucked and was a non-trivial amount of money, but I was off the hook once the divorce was final.

If she’s not good with that, force the sale of the house and make sure that the alimony has all kinds of traps doors (new marriage clause, cohabitating, etc).

painfulletdown · 2026-05-23T19:50:36+00:00

Good thing you got out of that deal. Lump sum alimony is financially a bad deal. Alimony in your state may go away if she gets remarried or dies. It's very likely she will get remarried. Mine's getting remarried 6 months after divorce. Also see if your state cancels alimony once you retire.

You should be able to impute income at least at minimum wage if not higher. Regardless use that as a bargaining chip.

Your half of the 401k and equity interest/yield may pay a good chunk of alimony on it's own.

Consider that the fixed alimony payment will be less over time due to inflation.

If it goes to the judge she'll only get half equity and half 401k. If the judge forces a house sale she'll be homeless and unable to get an apartment due to no income history. That's your leverage.

Your leverage is also the cost of lawyers. She's gotta pay too and if her bank account is getting low she's gonna get scared. If you are running out of money, your lawyer will take some out of the house sale or put you on a long payment plan. Remind ex that the lawyer fees are draining any money that you could give her.

Mangrove43 · 2026-05-23T19:44:29+00:00

I know this sounds bad but play the long game. She knows you want to be done so she will continue to add on until you cave in. Play the long game. Live in your house with your kids. Be a good dad. Agree to 50/50 split of assets and 50/50 custody. Tell her to get a job. Make her worries about money bring her to the table. I have lots of experience in this and wish I dragged it out longer to turn the table

Jwoot1111 · 2026-05-23T19:36:03+00:00

I hope you have a solid lawyer. Dont give up the assets if she is pushing this. Maybe even go in the offensive and get plenty of time with the kids. She sounds like a wreck.

RespectInevitable479 · 2026-05-23T19:02:32+00:00

Split 50/50 sell house give her that then alimony. Don’t marry again you should be fine after that

Nice_General268 · 2026-05-23T19:00:28+00:00

Best of luck man. This sounds like a nightmare

Mangrove43 · 2026-05-23T18:58:34+00:00

Mine wanted me to pay her for the 20 years that she didn’t work raising the kids because of our potential drop in salary going back into the workforce. I told her to eat it.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2026-05-23T18:58:21+00:00

Don’t do that.

You die she has all your money
You become disabled -she has all your money and you really fucking need it
She remarried a wealthy dude - she has all your money and doesn’t need it.
Your job situation changes and you make less money and need money.

So, get 50/50 and make her live on an actual budget every month. Make her buy you out of the house. Make her never remarry while cashing your checks.

Alimony can be terminated if she remarried or cohabitates. Alimony can be modified if you become disabled. Alimony can be modified if your income drops below a certain amount.

I would strongly advise against a lump sum settlement.

Post your financials and I’ll give the settlement you should seek.

"If we start from a place of reasonable and they start from a place of crazy, when we settle, we'll be somewhere between reasonable and crazy! Which is still crazy!” Ray Liotta in Marriage story

Coffeecankicker · 2026-05-23T18:52:53+00:00

I feel so much better about my situation after reading this

velvet4soles · 2026-05-23T18:47:04+00:00

I hate seeing hard working men get taken advantage of. I'm sorry

Title	Get this
Author	NoIdeasNoSolutions
Upvotes	23
Comments	43
Date	May 23, 2026 6:27 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tlo6tb/get_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/get-this.1581050 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581050

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