Second Divorce

According-Designer15 · 2026-01-22T08:46:36+00:00

mid-late 30s and divorce #2.....easier because you know the survival playbook, harder because now you feel like a bigger failure staring down your 40s wanting kids but scared to rush into marriage #3 while everyone says "at least no kids" when that's literally what you want. Brother, you're not stagnant.....you're standing in the wreckage with DATA now (two marriages, two failures, patterns to identify) which isn't failure, it's education. Kids in your 40s is totally fine for men, but don't get married again until you've figured out WHY the first two failed (therapy, self-reflection, fix YOUR patterns first) because jumping into #3 out of biological panic guarantees three-for-three. Take YEARS off serious relationships, build the life you want ALONE, become the man you'd want to marry, THEN find someone who matches.....two failures don't define you unless you let them by rushing in bitter or giving up entirely. You're in the painful growth phase between old blueprint and new one, that's uncomfortable but it's not stagnant, it's foundation for getting it right next time. 💪

SireSweet · 2026-01-22T05:38:41+00:00

I don’t know why you’d ever do a marriage #2.

Fuck no. Never putting myself through that again.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-01-22T03:56:03+00:00

Yes we learn lots about ourselves in relationships. There is growth if we reflect and do the work.
Don't think of it as failures, rather as lessons learnt.

SheepherderFormal473 · 2026-01-22T01:09:06+00:00

If you want kids, you could find a woman that doesn't have any and have one or two with her. You've been married twice; you know what happens after the honeymoon is over. If you do get married again, get a prenup AND make sure there isn't a large income disparity to limit any child support and alimony when the third divorce comes. Do not let her be a stay at home wife.

EvalCrux · 2026-01-21T17:36:40+00:00

my trick: don't get married (#1) til late window, pop out kids around 40, then who cares, assume the wife will leave. Single life is far better than married to an antagonist adversary who is supposed to be your partner.

The second any woman turns adversarial with me again: she's out. There will be no more future marriage. Marriage was the beginning of my wife turning into an abusive monster.

Modern parenting: you look weird to be under 30 and taking kid to kindergarten. This my anecdotal observation. Your peers are all 40+.

Consider yourself twice warned, and none the wiser. Kids supposedly better off in married household caveat. Translation: more legal framework to wring you dry in the legal system made for divorce. If you want to be a parent, this makes no modern difference, and you will always be as much a parent as the mother. Gaining access to your kid is surely tougher though, caveat emptor.

In summation: you may have lost your window to have children through status quo means. Maybe wipe away your prior mistaken marriages and just look forward. Still plenty of time for a family.

Unsainted_smoke · 2026-01-21T15:25:03+00:00

Myself, married at 30, divorced at 33. Married at 37, first kid at 40, second at 43. Divorced at 45. I said I was never gonna get married a second time lol. Now I’ve met an amazing woman who is unlike anyone I’ve ever met and I would absolutely marry her. But I wouldn’t be in this relationship if I hadn’t done the work and accountability on myself. We both have our past issues but we both give each other the safety to express our problems without fear of judgement. I got lucky because most women aren’t as emotionally intelligent as her, but you need to bring up your emotional intelligence and take accountability for your past relationships and see where you could have improved.

SaaSWriters · 2026-01-21T15:20:34+00:00

any commentary is welcome

Stop settling for females who don’t respect you.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-01-21T14:53:09+00:00

Sorry to hear this - wanting kids but not having them is painful.

Tonyalarm · 2026-01-21T14:04:26+00:00

Second divorce hurts twice: familiarity brings clarity, not failure. You’re not late, just rerouting. Pause, heal, then decide kids intentionally.

Spared-No-Expense · 2026-01-21T13:43:41+00:00

You can pay a surrogate to birth children for you and just skip the third divorce altogether and get your family. And then after the kids are born you can find a temporary step mom. And when she eventually divorces you, you don’t lose any custody

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-01-21T13:04:31+00:00

Have you thought about bringing a volunteer cis h? So many young kids need great role models.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-01-21T13:02:47+00:00

I feel you man. Just turned 50 and going through my second. The shame and embarrassment is so different this time. I was embarrassed after #1. I haven’t told many people about this one. Now I’m in the total loser category, at least according to how I was raised.

Don’t give up on kids. You can have them in your 40s. You can have them in your 50s. Just do it with the right person

Title	Second Divorce
Author	saywhatonemogdmtime
Upvotes	21
Comments	38
Date	January 21, 2026 8:09 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qis65g/second_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/second-divorce.1571656 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571656

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