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ndeniably Archive

View 13 posts and 97 comments by ndeniably on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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19

This sub is not about hating women. This sub is not anti-feminist, or anti-womens rights. This sub IS a place to discuss the very real issues with equity in divorce as a man. This sub IS a place to share the difficult emotions men experience going through divorce. Most importantly This sub IS a place for men who may not have an in person support group, to find comfort, express themselves honestly and find feedback and comfort, likely during one of the hardest times of their life. I understand th…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 06:49 PM
1

You need to read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Also don't buy too far into the cult of it, its good to help you reorient, but I would say take some lessons and integrate it. Don't be the victim anymore
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 04:45 PM
2

Bud my ex-wife changed the locks on the house without TRO or Court order. The judge just let it stand and said I just don't have to pay utilities on the house anymore. Not worth your time, focus on the big picture. Get your 50/50, tell your lawyer the fastest path you believe to get there, then get out. Do not engage more than just absolutely necessary for children and communication towards the goal of settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/22 02:41 AM
3

Till death do we part is a prayer, they are hoping you go first though.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 11:51 PM
2

Good luck, some states look at financial and emotional support as being a father, regardless of biology. If you aren't on the certificate you may be able to get off, but talk to a lawyer, and do not tell your ex you did a paternity test. Yell it into a pillow or something, but keep that ace up your sleeve till you need to play it if it comes back negative
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 03:20 AM
6

I never once laid a hand on or acted aggressively towards my ex. When I filed, she immediately changed the locks, (no court order) out of "fear for her safety", began accusing me of harassment, abuse, you name it. I was not allowed back in my home, which by the way I was paying mortgage and utilities on still, AND I had to begin requesting time weeks in advance just go get my shit to live with. I didn't have my own bed till 4 months into the separation. I slept on friends and family couches and …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 03:17 AM
28

I wouldn't go on the golf trip. While she is out, I would make copies of EVERY SINGLE PIECE of financial information, as well as buy an audio recorder and keep it turned on and on your person at all times when spending time with the children or your STBXW. As the case goes on, stop with phone calls and do all communications over text. SAVE ALL TEXT MESSAGES. Stop drinking if you do, even a slight amount, and get rid of any booze in the house that would be considered "yours". Look into single par…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 01:13 AM
3

If you aren't on the birth certificate and the paternity test comes back negative ( i.e. you aren't the father) I would immediately shift gears to not paying ANY child support, and immediately retain a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 01:01 AM
4

File yesterday
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 08:26 PM
1

File today
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 08:26 PM
2

If it gets to hearings, it will be fighting over less than the cost of the hearing and purely for being vindictive. At that point its time to walk away. We had a good discussion yesterday, she is talking to me again after 5 months radio silence from both of us, so I am hoping based off that we can just draft the settlement and get done with it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 07:31 PM
2

My lawyer has been great actually. I picked a guy who was all business, money first, respond to bullshit second. We got ALL the finances in line and reported withing 5 days of filing. My stbxw lawyer however is sending emails that she didn't even ask them to. Its a load of shit and wasting time.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 03:58 PM
2

Yeah it is fucked. Best I can say is that my case was REALLY cut and dry and so going this route works best for everybody. But the ratcheting was completely unnecessary, and cost dumb amounts of money. I will not marry again without serious vetting.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 03:28 AM
5

Judge will probably order you to go to mediation. For me it was literally paying another lawyer to spend 75% of the time educating the opposijg party that they needed to produce financial statements 30 days after they had passed the deadline.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/22 06:52 AM
2

Yeah, no kidding, I was immature and had low self esteem. She kept me there for as long as she could till I found help in therapy and self help books. Still going through that but yeah red flags everywhere.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 08:22 PM
2

Literally the same dude, she would threaten me that she would try to kill herself, or leave me if I didn't do what she wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 02:30 PM
3

Generally speaking no. But anything can happen, all depemds on the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 10:33 AM
1

I had to cut her dad out of the whole process, we basically married the same woman, but problem was, he was unable to keep his cool and was only exagerrating the situation Even though she is no better, at least now she has to take responsibility of communication.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 10:16 AM
2

Sounds like you need to find a way to compartmentalize your identity. You are doing what is right by your boys, but home ownership isn't who you are. You do what you can and are not less of a man because you aren't a home owner. You are a man because despite the attempts at emasculating you by your ex-dyke, you show them what resolve, determination and the importance of self love as a masculine person truly means. You are not defined by the object that is a house. You are defined by the determin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 08:32 PM
2

Yeah, its more what happens living there day to day. I'd rather take my peace and move forward. The judge basically said she has to pay for maintenance of the house and utilities since she locked me out, so I don't care. I can hook up with other chicks outside of the house, I can live my life unsurveiled outside, I am partially free. Just frustrating to deal with the rest
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 04:42 AM
2

No restraining order, but she changed the locks and codes, AGAINST the injunction. So I have no access to the home, and she will truly just call the cops if I don't comply, for some made up bullshit. So I'm just laying low. We have a final orders date in the fall...
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 04:20 AM
1

Alright sounds like a plan.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 08:54 PM
2

Youll want to get a saparate sd card
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 12:11 AM
2

Tascam Dr-05x is a good one, it locks itself on so ypu don't accidentally stop recording. Look up if your state is a 1 party or 2 party recording state
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 10:57 PM
1

God, 3 months, I'm 3 months in no settlement and none in site. For no good reqson either. Childless, independent health insurance, 2 cars, equal pay, own a home. She's just sitting on her hands because there is no reason for her to do anything, she lives alone in the house and is using the cops as a deterrent for me to get anything done around it. I can't wait till this is over.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 08:10 PM
1

Im in a similar boat, advertising myself as not looking for anything serious. Led to 2 dates, one one tinder one off bumble. The bumble one was great, but afterwards I had to cut it off as I knew she and I were a bit out of sync for what we were lookimg for. The tinder date was great, best sex I've had in years. All together. I know what I want right now, NMMNG was a jumping point for me, but Therapy has really helped get me away from the shame mindset I feel NMMNG drills a bit too hard on. Find…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 07:19 PM
2

Of course, again all the best to you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 07:01 PM
2

My stbxw had similar problems. Difference was my marriage was short (less than 4 years) and we didnt have kids. She sounds like she's open to working on herself. You sound like you've been patient. Have you read the book, "The Enlightened Marriage"? I know it sounds fru fru and stupid, but I don't think its time for you to give up. Reinvest as if you were to be dating with her again. Allow yourself to be vulnerable again, forget the past for a while and meet your wife where she is in life right …
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 04:48 PM
1

What is it that you feel is not reconcialable to the point of divorce for you?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 01:34 PM
6

Rule 7 hits hard right now. Just had our "mediation" or should I say, I paid a 3rd party to educate my stbxw about the financial outlay. There was no resolution, we have more meaningless court in a few weeks, there is no final judgements proceeding, everything is in limbo. I've got spread sheets put together splitting everything, including property. She's just sitting on her hands because she can, there is no fire. I want a judge to order the sale of the home and move on. I can't get that order …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 11:50 PM
1

Its good to hear you're taking your life back. We can always find ways to blame our ex or stbxw for controlling, manipulative or BSC behavior. Fact of the matter is, it's no longer your problem, it's somebody elses problem, SEP.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 06:48 AM
6

Bro, you are in prime time and she is mid day soap operahs. Come on man, you can do better.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 03:53 AM
1

There's a phrase that has really helped me through this process. "People tend to get married for love, but usually only learn in the end that divorce, is a business proposition alone" Take no less than everything you are entitled to, and get evidence of her affair on your own device. Start making copies of ALL financial statements and REALLY make sure that you get exclusive custody of the house with your lawyer ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 12:28 AM
3

You are being there to take care of your children. Thats good. NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU IF YOU DON'T. You know this, don't feel shame about the drinking to cope, you are dealing with a lot and alcohol is attractive. But you are worth 10-30 mins of selfcare every day. I don't care what excuse you come up with. Your children will learn from your example of self care IF YOU SHOW THEM WHAT THAT IS. Go to the gym, see your doctor, invest in your career, enforce your schedule, and set …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 07:43 PM
3

Best of luck to you in getting it reversed, if you have proof of what she said you've got more of a leg to stand on. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 05:38 PM
2

Did we marry the same women lol
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 05:13 PM
1

You want to hear something crazy. With her for years, I had this unending cough wouldnt clear up. Soon as I'm out of the house, all gone, hasn't come back
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 04:14 PM
1

You helped me make the choice. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 04:44 AM
3

It absolutely was. It didn't really rear its head till 1-2 years in, I was young and naive thinking it was just anxiety and depression. It was so much more than that and centered around a control complex of my life, my time, my money, my attention, and when she didnt get that, straight to threats of killing herself, hurting herself, leavimg me, you name it. I wish I had known what I do now and had more self confidence at the time to know I needed to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 04:04 AM
16

I was one of the 10-20% of men that filed for divorce. No kids, short marriage. I decided to leave after her first suicide attempt, but waited to file thinking it might get better. After repeated attempts at counseling individually and couples, lead to me being further blamed for her bad behaviour, and outbursts, I decided enough was enough. By me staying in the relationship I was supporting her treatment of me and so I got out with my clothes and necessary items after filing and have been super…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 02:08 AM
3

Feel free to message me as well. Its a big grey area
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 08:39 PM
2

Please find some family or friends to be around, shit, even if it means sitting in a bar. Talk to the bar tender. Your life is worth living you're just at the bottom of a pit and its okay, these feelings are all normal. There is so much life yet left to live. It will take time, you will feel like killing yourself again. Don't give into the pain. You are stronger than it. You are a fucking warrior.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 04:52 PM
1

As with everything in life, there are side effects, positive and negative. Without it, I could barely bring myself to leave the house, even for the most menial self care tasks. On it, my health is improving, I'm able to get myself out to do things. Life is much better than it would be otherwise right now. I dont plan to keep going with it for a long time, it is and always will be a temporary thing. But having it right now has made a world of difference.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 10:09 PM
1

I've responded really well to Adderall, I think it all depends on who you are and how it affects you. I'm doing way better than I was even 2 months ago due to consistency, self care, counseling and starting medication. I can manage my days so much better now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 10:01 PM
5

Thats what happened to me, I left and found another place to live immediately. Then my ex chsnged every lock on the house, while her lawyer claimed that i had right to attend to the house, but hsd to get her permission to enter. She'll probably claim it was for safety. Little do they know she's just locking herself inside the house with the most dangerous person to herself, herself...
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 06:55 PM
13

As the other commentor said, you should just file and get out. Its totally time to get out. Maybe file right before she leaves to get back to india for visa stuff. That way at least you have the house to yourself to get things situated. Dont change the locks though, that looks bad in court.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 05:31 PM
3

I'm in a similar place though now more hitting PT and rehab workouts, and focusing on diet for fat weight loss. Mental health has also gotten much better, can't believe just how big of a cloud she had me under and how little I was focusing on my self.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 05:22 PM
2

Of course. Just trying to remind you that your needs and wants matter.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 05:48 AM
1

Dont throw in the towel. Fight for yourself if anything else. Dont be angry, but be firm and directed. You deserve equity, you deserve even footing. Nothing else is acceptable for you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 08:18 PM
2

I dont know if it is precisely MY conception, but it's been a tool ive been using to track my healing process internally. Physical separation: you dont live together or st least if cohabiting begin living physically separate lives. Legal: Marriage disollution and asset division completed. Intimate: More grey, but the breaking of the heart, mind and sexual contracts you held with her, either by force or time. In your case I would add Spiritual. Spiritual: Finding peace with yourself and God that …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 06:16 PM
2

Absolutely my problem right now. Filed about 2 months ago, but the relationship had been over for like a year prior. Still lived together "working on things" but somehow it was always that I was the root of every problem. Anyway, meet this BEAUTIFUL, smart, engaging woman, and the chemistry seemed strong. We went on our first date, and everything went well, but it was the gnawing of my unfinished business that made me tell her about my situation. We agreed it was bad timing, and that there was a…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 06:09 PM
7

I didnt think i would, then i did for almost 2 months straight. Therapy, working my body, seeing friends and focusing on the future, its what has helped me get through. It takes many people different time to heal. I have plenty left to heal, but I also feel WAY better now, than when it was fresh. Ive been able to go on a date, that went really well but I had to be honest with where I am and let her know Im really not ready. It's good to do for yourself as mucb as you can, and be soft with yourse…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:03 PM
1

Check out Clawson and Clawson. Steve is an ex cop and has been very good about keeping cost minimized. The more important thing is make sure you get ALL of your documents ready asap. This id the thing that takes the most time, and if you have to leave the house, they can get "lost"
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 04:14 PM
1

This is actually really interesting. I'm in the middle of my divorce right now, I know I want children in the future but can't imagine getting married again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/22 04:05 PM
2

Sounds good, I would highly recommend 8 dates first if you were to prioritize, good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/22 12:50 AM
2

A group of books I'd recommend. "8 Dates" by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman "The Enlightend Marriage" by Jed Diamond One of the things you need to realize is that you're in a rut, all marriages go through this, 15 years isn't something to just give up because of sadness. It would be one thing if there's been consistent and methodical abuse, but if not, you're going through the 5 stages of a relationship and may be getting s…
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 08:16 PM
5

Just rip the bandaid off its really not as scary as it seems. I like to go and treat myself to a nice meal occasionally with out the bill of paying my other halves way. The day I moved out, I went out to a local mid-scale Asian restaurant that served cocktails and just kind of took in the feeling of independence. You are most likely not going to be getting the stares you think you are, and it's good to work on your self confidence a bit too
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 09:00 PM
3

My therapist helped me a lot but one of the big lessons I learned from him is, there are only two questions that matter in a man's life, and their order is important. Where am I going Who's coming with me. Don't get the order mixed up and stay strong brother.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 04:51 PM
2

Yeah I am starting to realize this slowly, I think it was the initial loneliness that hit me, and the want to just get out there and make up for lost sex. Our marriage was very much a mostly dead bedroom with her saying things like,, I'd want to have sex with you more if you "complete x task for me" or "do spontaneous y for me". Problem is it was unrealistic to do any of those things and then I'd be held over the fire for not,, and tokd this is why you don't get sex. I'm not the serial monogamis…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 10:11 PM
1

Yes it is serious
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/22 03:17 AM
3

Agreed. I'm I the middle of mine and anything that got too specific is deleted.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/22 07:22 PM
1

Good one, thanks for the share
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 03:44 AM
1

And that's all you can do, and it is enough hang in there brother.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 05:14 PM
1

Hang in there dude. You're talking about it, that's what matters. I can't imagine not being able to see your boy when you want. But know that with focusing on yourself, eating right, sleeping and being patient with you, you'll begin to make space to foster a healthy adult relationship with your self and the boy in you that needs nurturing. When you nurture yourself, you nurture your boy, and when he's there, you can truly show him what it means to be a man that takes care of himself and is happy…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 06:40 AM
5

What he said. You don't need to hate your ex. You can be friends or friendly. But you need to put your gf wants and needs first. If that means your ex wife isn't in the picture, fine so be it. But that's not a healthy situation for anyone involved.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 02:41 AM
1

Me too.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 01:04 AM
2

Nah I woke up this morning, she was out of the house for the day and my resolve returned. I read back through all my journals and notes but I need to do this for me. Regardless of the attempts at this point I'm more sad that it won't work out and not that it's ending. She keeps talking about all this future stuff, and all I can keep thinking is that that future is dead already. I don't want it, especially not with her. Because it's all a future that suits her, regardless of what I want or need.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 01:04 AM
3

I've seen the red pill stuff and I'm more of a No More Mr. Nice Guy kind of person. I'm not concerned about other people here. I'm doing this for me, and have been fortunate to keep my spine intact through out this process. I've had MANY opportunities to cave to her trying to absorb my life (don't get your masters, you need to spend more time with me not friends, etc.) I'm almost done with my masters, I've picked up hobbies and guy friends along the way, ill be fine after. There are some parts o…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 10:15 PM
1

I think I'm in a slightly more certain situation. My stbxw has tried to separate me from family and friends, has physically assaulted me numerous times. Has acted like its all my fault the whole time, and when she doesn't get her way or is pushed to far emotionally, goes into panic attacks, threatens to kill herself and has attempted suicide once in the last 8 months. I can relate to the name calling and the waves of love bombing and torture, but for me, the waves have become tsunamis, and I can…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 09:52 PM
2

I know and I am, filing my intake paperwork and retainer today to hopefully have dissolution filing started soon. It's really surreal right now but I'm happy. Luckily we don't have kids so it makes it easier.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 09:46 PM
2

Already have one and actively using it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 03:19 PM
1

Trying to avoid a blow up when she's served. She's been very volatile and I'm afraid of false DV claims and know I won't be able to live in the same home with her afterwards and I don't have time to be spending working out the details of this with the rest of the load on my plate.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 09:07 AM
1

Was up till this last week. Planning my escape has gotten the better of me recently. I will when I'm a bit more stabilized. Just needed to get car maintenanced and meet with lawyer while tying up loose ends. I've got a recorder on me to keep me safe in case things get over board.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 08:35 AM
2

As much as this would be good advice for someone with children, we don't have any.. My situation is better for me to leave. I want no claim to the house besides equity. We have names on everything jointly. My lawyer advised in our consult to leave and stay somewhere in case she trys the DV trap.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 05:07 AM
2

Yeah I know. I'm going for it. Just was a hard day. Talked to some of my dudes and it's going through asap. Will file and have her served here soonish. Just need to plan my removal from the house essentially.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 05:04 AM
1

Yeah I know, I'm finishing up and retaining in the next day or two. Just talked to some of my dudes and they helped straighten me out
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 05:03 AM
2

Hang in there, there is light in this. Just have to look for it
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 02:33 AM
2

Thanks man
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 02:03 AM
2

Thanks brother
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 02:03 AM
2

I don't know I'd that's the solution here but thanks for the input.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 02:03 AM
7

I don't want to try one more time. I've made the decision twice this year to try one more time. Enough is enough. The difference between this, and last times, is that this time it's just so much clearer. I want this to end in a way that is good for me. I want it so badly to be the right decision. I'm afraid if I don't make it there won't be a better time to. It's just I can already see how hard it will be. But I know she won't see why I'm doing this. I know I'm going to be the villain, differenc…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 02:02 AM
6

Going with a male attorney precisely for the no emotional support/therapy reason. I've got a counselor already, my attorney is way more expensive than a counselor
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 04:20 AM
1

Yeah I'm way ahead of the curve right now with this process. Got my recorder the other day and am going to fashion myself a chest harness out of a pair of Walmart jeggings and a belt to keep it on me discreetly at all times. Here's hoping for the best
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 05:40 PM
1

Does the debt accrual matter even if I'm not on the card? We have two joint cards which we keep paid off, and then each have our own separate cards.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 09:14 AM
2

Why would I max out the credit cards? Wouldn't I be on the hook for that debt?
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 07:41 AM
2

Fantastic info thanks
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 09:24 PM
4

We already tried marriage counseling twice, once successful with a male counselor that had 30 years experience and was an ex marine, but she refused to go 50% of the time. Then she found a female therapist and we were seeing her after moving and swear to God it was just some bullshit female empowerment hour with a 10 min session at the beginning to talk about how I fucked up and needed to change. My issues completely ignored. I'm not wasting my time or money with counseling with her at this poin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 03:42 PM
6

What would be considered an asset?
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 11:23 PM
1

What does preparation look like?
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 11:05 PM
1

I'm currently in this situation, problem is both her parents are fucking social workers and I'm afraid that since I finally snapped and was minorly physical with her (took my shoe back from her forcefully while she was screaming and cursing me after a waking up from a night where she had a "panic attack" and told me i should "go die") that I'll get painted as the abuser. She's thrown a chair at me while I was recovering from knee surgery, hit me, kicked me, driven me to self harm (gave myself a …
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 11:04 PM
2

Maybe maybe not with the phone. I just think she's insecure regardless... What I get from my relationship is good when it's good, but world ending when it's bad. There is no in-between.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 11:21 PM
3

I hear you there, the hardest part to me is the relationships. I've let my life and friends be consumed by her for a long time and I think I just need time to get out and meet new people.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 11:20 PM
2

She and I make exactly the same amount essentially, half of my shit is half of her shut. Money isn't the concern here, it's time that I'm worried about.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 11:19 PM
1

I'm not concerned about getting another girl. I'm fit, make good money (6 figs) and am actively involved in hobbies and others lives. She just consumes my care. I know I can do better and have/will in the future, it's more that I've got some big events school wise (Masters and possibly PhD depending on this and next 2 semesters progress) coming up and can't decide if it's easier breaking up while doing that and working with a divorce, etc. It's a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 11:18 PM
2

I'm going into my last 3 classes of a Masters program with the possibility to extend it into a PhD in something I'm passionate about. We don't have kids thankfully and I work full time outside of school so it's just a lot all at once
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 11:15 PM
5

That's easy, we don't have sex, been maybe once a month at best for years now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 09:37 PM
2

I know. I'm just scared more than anything right now. I've got a lot on the line for the next year and I don't want this to ruin that.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 09:17 PM
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