Rough Day

Ominous_Cookies · 2022-01-23T01:55:25+00:00

Can’t for the life of me figure why I’m coming out of the woodwork to comment but brother you’re not alone! Having things ready may be what you need to cope or to have that conversation to try one more time. No idea there, but you’re not alone! Day by day. Focus on you first. It’s the only way you can be of use to anyone including you!

Eve-3 · 2022-01-23T01:53:00+00:00

You could do something small that you know will irritate her so she doesn't want to be cuddly. Small. Like a dish in the living room or don't rinse the coffeepot, cap off the toothpaste or don't replace the toilet paper.

net___runner · 2022-01-23T02:00:28+00:00

You are not alone my friend. Take care of yourself. Many of us are there or have been there.

mysteriouslypuzzled · 2022-01-23T02:03:11+00:00

Hang in there man

ObligationEuphoric18 · 2022-01-23T02:20:15+00:00

I resonate so much with this. Ooof😫😫😫😫

bacon-wrapped-steak · 2022-01-23T04:03:38+00:00

Keep playing along. Do NOT let her know your plans. If you accidentally let something leak, it is going to hurt you.

I'm sure you already know this.

Gattsama · 2022-01-23T15:12:07+00:00

I'm in nearly the same boat. Together for 17 years, married 12 years and separated ~3mo. I told her in Nov I wanted to terminate and allowed her to talk me into giving it one last try. I put together a list of questions for the lawyers and looked in to an uncontested divorce, spoke to the group and got the paper work. But I just can't seem to 100% pull the trigger.

She has been love bombing me (which I do not 100% trust, but does feel good) and sometimes even being accountable for her part in the previous toxic relationship. But I know that my happiest life is no with her. I know that I'll be the 'bad guy' if I call it quits when she doesn't want to. I know that I'll hurt her. And as crazy as it sounds I worry about her, I worry about how she'll afford everything (once alimony runs out, if I have to pay at all). About who is going to take care of her. She's been my responsibility for the last decade plus...

Other times I am 100% convinced it's time to file TODAY, fuck this BS, lets get this over with so I can get back to living. I remember all the BS and lies, her deliberately choosing to hurt me (she confessed to it), telling me my feelings do not matter, I don't have real problems, that she doesn't want to hear about my issues / problems / feelings about the relationship. Calling me a huge pile of shit with a little pee of goodness on top. etc. etc.

In the end, we know what we got to do. And in the end we will do it. But yeah, the road isn't as smooth or clear. I keep wimping out and hoping she will empty the bank accounts, cheat, etc. Do something really f&cked up so I can point and go, ah ha! I was right to file. But that's not going to happen.

I really do want to give her another change, I really do want her to change. But like you, I'm prepared to terminate it all. Just do what you believe will result in the best life for YOU! If that's ending it, then end it. Accept the pain and embrace the suck. It'll all be over soon and things can get better from there.

Wish you luck, I'm still riding the wave...

WarChildMKIV · 2022-01-23T16:26:34+00:00

Leave while you are still in shallow water. If you let her bring you in like that you will get caught in the tides. It's ashtrays nice remembering why you love them, but if they are causing you damage, you need to leave. You are in a better position to do so than most. Atleast you're shifting child support. Focus on yourself and your progress and healing after this time.

pegleg_legal · 2022-01-24T00:32:59+00:00

So sit on it for a few weeks. If she doesn't know, she doesn't know.

ZookeepergameFit5787 · 2022-01-23T06:53:41+00:00

Are you exercising every day? Don't let yourself slip into a major depression now. Fight that shit with everything you have got let in the bank. The exercise will help keep you sane and energized through the process and heal faster.

Title	Rough Day
Author	ndeniably
Upvotes	17
Comments	39
Date	January 23, 2022 1:46 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/sai1wx/rough_day/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/rough-day.1098106 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098106

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