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tanotsurewhattodo12 Archive

View 38 posts and 325 comments by tanotsurewhattodo12 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
30

tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 05:15 AM
29

tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 06:33 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men16/07/21 04:51 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men01/04/21 09:37 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 08:37 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 10:04 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 12:30 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 02:43 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 03:01 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 09:04 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men29/11/21 07:27 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men22/01/22 05:46 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 02:50 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men06/05/21 08:59 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 07:56 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men28/04/21 08:36 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 06:24 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 06:53 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 03:44 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 05:15 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men02/03/21 08:14 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:34 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 12:02 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 08:17 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 02:21 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 05:12 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 10:17 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:28 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:08 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 12:11 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men01/11/21 08:05 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 08:34 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 12:44 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 11:17 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men04/07/22 08:20 PM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men03/12/21 04:28 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 12:01 AM
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tanotsurewhattodo12/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 04:12 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Man.. I am on the opposite end of this.. I am looking to get divorced.. I care for my STBXW.. I do love her.. per se.. e.g. I don't want to see anything bad for her, want her to find the love of her life.. but I fell out of love a long time ago.. and mostly stuck in due to finances and kids. For whatever stupid reason, I've always held money as the #1 thing.. and every time I think about finally leaving.. I have debt, kids with costs, and so on. Just our house alone needs about 20K in work to fi…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 09:36 PM
1

If I were.. it would be italy! Italian women are goddesses. :).
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 10:17 AM
1

See.. she does though.. she has WAY more CC capacity than I do. I think I should ask her to see her CC statements.. but she could lie and not tell me she has other cards outstanding.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 08:39 PM
1

I don't know why you are downvoted.. but this is exactly what I wanted to do. I still can NOT get an answer by 2 consults I had.. nor my own company lawyers (sent email to them.. they didnt have a good answer).. as to if I file for divorce.. I know half of my vested stock goes to STBXW. BUT.. does she get to hold on to them (e.g. becomes a share holder external.. with pre ipo stock.. unlikley).. or do I have to cash out half my stock to pay her off.. if so.. what do they sell at.. OR.. can I buy…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 08:38 PM
1

If I pay down my debt before I file.. most of it anyway.. will it look better for me in mediation (or lawyers/court) that I paid off debt that she would have had taken half on? Ideally I want to lower whatever alimony I will owe. She isn't working right now (her job is cutting all hours.. so.. she has a job.. just cant get hours.. been a fight cause I told her to look for job elsewhere.. and she is in the take care of me crap). I cant afford a lawyer right now.. let alone move out costs.. be abo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 08:36 PM
2

Question.. just so I can confirm if I am an introvert.. by introvert.. you have some friends.. not many.. dont like to go out of home much.. will if you have to.. or occasionally have meet with friend(s) (dinner, lunch, etc).. but largely prefer to be home, not travel, etc? I don't have a problem talking with people in general.. joking around if I can.. or what not. But mostly I prefer to stay home.. I have my hobbies that mostly reside at home.. though some do require a bit of out door time (dr…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 12:09 AM
1

I've been telling her for a couple years now. Trying to get her ready.. and hopefully see it a bit more amicable.. so that she doesn't try to fuck me over.. been pushing her to go meet new people.. have a good time. Anything to get her dependence on me on to someone else... and hopefully be like "ok.. we good.. you tkae half, I take half.". and go.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 05:02 AM
2

Oh I know.. I was joking too. :). About to gear up for divorce myself.. so "wife" is not an ideal thing right now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 02:23 AM
1

Do you know how that works? Like.. do they do an interview with my STBXW.. or just require W2s.. or do they do all the leg work looking in to medical claims, notes, talk to doctors, etc? Curious how they gather all the info to come back with a response.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 02:22 AM
2

I have that option on backup.. it brings with it angry calls and shit.. and could ruin a family.. so I really REALLY only want that on last resort. I am not there yet.. but its inching closer.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 02:21 AM
1

I have my STBXW w2s..I do our taxes. She made about 1/3 of what I did in 2021, have to see about last year as she was out on disability.. so not sure how much she got from that (claims she got nothing).. and in 2020 made almost 1/2.. all of that working part time. Hoping that means she'll be on the hook for full time pay around my pay level and that my alimony would be < 500 a month.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 02:12 AM
2

That was almost funny.. till i saw "4 wives".. then I thought.. how is that better? 1 wife is too much.. 4.. fawk that. They each get half.. you'd have to work 3 jobs to pay them all.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:58 AM
3

How did you gather evidence.. ? Did you impute her? Or some other way?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:29 AM
1

Actually. she wants to keep it.. so I was planning on using it as leverage to avoid/limit alimony.. based on what I may owe. But she wont make enough to pay the monthly mortgage/food/pge/etc.. so not sure that will work anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:17 AM
1

How were you able to take a loan? I have < 600 credit score.. and about 30K in debt on CCs.. so can't open any more either. Tried.. got denied.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:16 AM
1

It's unfortunately more complicated than that.. :(. Other shit (money) comes in to play which I really want to keep for myself (stock, etc) and use the hosue/other stuff as leverage to bargain with. Can't unfortunately detail much other than that.. but basically want to trade the house/retirement/etc for my stock and no alimony. It may..or may not work. Cant get any more CC.. credit is tanked right now due to how much is out vs how much I make. ELOC not an option.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 02:15 AM
1

You certainly can have a family. The way marriage should work.. across the board.. is simple. What you make.. is yours. What she makes is hers. IF you buy a house.. you split any profits or one buys the other out. California more or less does the "asset" part correctly.. divide.. 50/50. Simple. HOWEVER.. if you buy a nice 100K car, and she drives a 20K car.. (assuming rough value when you get divorced) you basically have to give her 40K to keep your car. That sucks ass. Thus.. if you buy that ca…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 10:14 PM
1

I've no clue how the hell my answer to another question ended up here. Oh well.. yah.. that was odd.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/22 04:02 AM
1

25 year marriage.. is 12.5 years or life.. depending on judge. Anything over 20 in most states is grounds for life alimony (or until they remarry if they ever do).
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 09:58 PM
1

She has no clue how to change locks. haha. Hire someone maybe.. but doubtful as I work at home and am home all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 06:15 AM
1

Agree. Honestly.. if I am being really honest.. besides sex from time to time which doesnt take much time (for me.. sadly.. and I am not one of those who enjoys making love for hours.. ).. my primary reason for companionship that lives with me is as I get older.. I want someone around to help me (and me help them) with things like.. surgeries, injuries, etc. I know.. it's a pathetic reason.. but largely I like being alone. But if I go work out in my gym and something snaps.. having someone aroun…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 06:53 PM
3

Uhm.. WHY after divorce are you getting anything? Are they making you go to court? I dont even understand how that is possible. Once the divorce is final.. other than alimony and/or child support.. you shouldn't be bothered ever again. What reasons does she somehow pay her lawyer to come after you again for?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:23 AM
1

I've not had less than size 6 for 25 years. I am fine with that.. I like some meat on the bones.. little pudge doesnt bother me.. long as she has a nice ass :). But I hear you. It's interesting to read women in their 50s and beyond that are actively sexual and I am curious if MP started late.. or early and they are back in to it or what.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:21 AM
1

What.. how the hell.. no way a child not mine is something I would have to pay for. The real father should have to pay.. and if he's not.. that's on her to get her shit together and get that guy to pay.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:18 AM
1

I would be alright with a 6 these days.. :). But I hear you. I would probably look to go younger.. 30s or so.. for short term fun.. but mostly going to focus on me, my health, getting back in to shape.. and enjoying hobbies!
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:17 AM
1

Fair enough. :)
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:16 AM
2

Shit. Best of luck to both of us!
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:46 AM
1

Man.. I am sorry all that happened to you. That's terrible. Honestly Covid/Pandemic.. has brought me in on the political shit way too much.. can't wait to stop reading about shit. So in some ways.. I've pulled away as well. I'd say me more than her has pulled away.. but every single conversation about money, things I do, etc.. always results in yelling/screaming matches. After years of it.. I just don't have it me to try any more. I want a clean break, and hopefully never see here again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:45 AM
2

Right on. Great answer.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:40 AM
1

If I drop the weight.. and get in to shape.. I think I'd be alright overall. Not hung like a horse though.. not sure how much that will weigh in to things the first time.. if ever.. sex comes about. Oddly that shit still bugs me today. Go figure. But yah.. I am honestly not going to look. If it happens.. it happens. If I meet a someone at a friends party or some other shit.. and a hookup happens.. great. I know most women especially those lonely are horny like we guys are. Sometimes a quick smas…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:39 AM
2

Right on. I appreciate your reply. Makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:36 AM
1

Good point on older women are often "this is it.. this is how I am". How is the sexual attraction though? Menopause and all that seems to often affect women in their early to mid 50s. I am a guy that needs to sex it up a couple times a week.. that's about it. Nothing crazy.. but heavy set women unfortunately are not attractive to me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:35 AM
2

I feel bad for women that are not kept up and feel men are assholes/pigs for wanting younger/more fit women. I do know a lot of women like younger more fit guys too. But in general seems most men would want that.. where as most women would rather have any age/body/etc as long as love/etc was involved.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:31 AM
1

Yah.. once I can buy my own home.. I will definitely be getting me a couple big dogs. Love me some big dogs. Such amazing animals.. best companions ever.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:29 AM
1

Right.. I hear that.. though women in their mid 30s on up.. can often be pretty well situated and still be attractive enough.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:28 AM
1

Right on! Nothing wrong with that. I assume you're in your 40s or 50s and probably stay in shape, financially secure, etc? Why do you date the younger guys?
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:28 AM
1

Fantastic answer.. and I am 100% on board with what you are saying. My first thing I am doing is gym.. have a home gym now.. some of it I will take with me.. some will stay (my 20-something kids like to work out.. and will prob still live with her). I seemingly have all the damn random pains though that keep interfering.. but hopefully with a bit more stretching, and slower startup in to working out again.. I can get back in to shape. Need to drop about 50 lbs.. mostly for health.. I am tall so …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:27 AM
1

The gym is definitely high on my bucket list. Lost the Covid/married and dont care weight. For sure. Mostly for me to be honest. As I get older.. I want to get healthier.. part of the "being alone when you're older" concern of mine.. is if I am not healthy.. shit is a lot worse. Thank you for your reply. You're spot on. There are for sure some "aged" 25 to 30 year old women.. old souls I think they call them. But your right.. I tend to think mostly as an older guy.. hooking up with someone your …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:20 AM
1

I hear single mothers are dying to hop in the sack.. horny and all.. but often looking for a man around the house.. especially if they have younger kids. Been through kids.. done with all that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:17 AM
1

Money.. and being taken care of.. lot of younger women want a man that can take them out, pay for them.. etc. I mean. .hey.. lucky men that find them young ladies with perfect bodies willing to lay down with the older man.. more or less seems like a prostitute.. but not quite.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:16 AM
1

Well shit.. they'll be lining up for me then.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:15 AM
0

So you do more of the hookup.. than commitment and stay single?
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 05:25 AM
5

I hate to cook. I agree with you.. hot pockets, good. Hours of cooking for a couple meals.. not so good. I am better at other things. Cooking is not one of them. I tend to think bulk.. I make spaghetti.. for a week.. and eat it every day. :D
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 08:13 PM
1

20+ years in a no fault state.. means likely life alimony. Not that I want anyone to die.. but.. I would not be very sad if she.. uh.. got remarried. Yah..that's what I mean. So I wouldn't have to pay alimony any more. It's such a fucking stupid ass backwards system. Pay to help her get on her feet.. sure. Stuck paying her the equivalent of $20 an hour full time.. for the rest of her life.. while she gets to milk it, lie about mental health, etc.. bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:51 PM
2

Couldn't agree more. 20+ years.. mostly arguing/fighting/disagreeing on things like money, vacations, how to raise kids.. etc.. has no doubt put a daily growing anger in her towards me and she is just a miserable bitch who comes across as if she will do everything she can.. for as long as possible.. to remind me how miserable I made her.. and never get on with some semblance of a happy life. It's so sad.. and pathetic. I am ready to bounce.. if I had 50K in the bank (that was after we split half…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:49 PM
1

WTF?? That makes no sense at all. 1 more day + more money than you makes no sense why you would pay 2800 a month to her. I assume that includes alimony.. but even so.. that is just way absurd. Why were you not granted 50/50? I take it the kids are under 12 and can't tell the judge they want to live with you?
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:43 PM
1

She works part time.. her pay is about 2.5 lower than mine.. and she makes enough to live on her own (but iwth kids, etc.. not completely. .hens 1300 alimony). It's a calculated value in a 50/50 state. It's roughly going to be about 1300 a month.. could be a bit more, or a bit less.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:18 AM
1

Why are you paying 4K? You must make like 250K+ if Alimony alone is 4K a month. How long for? That is insane.. did your ex not work? Mine is at least working and making about 80K a year.. which is enough for her to live on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:16 AM
1

So get a lower paying job.. and stay married for 3 years? I'd like to get out sooner than that. :)
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:15 AM
1

Been trying to get her to work more.. she is only part time. Mine can't lower.. salaried..
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:14 AM
1

I dont see why I should get that fucked though. She has the capacity to make as much as me.. and in a 50/50 state.. that would mean no alimony. In 2 or so years.. no more child support. The rest should be split evenly.. so technically I should not get fucked. I do hear it depends on the lawyers AND the judge you get..
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:14 AM
2

I appreciate your response.. I do. But man.. some of the worse advice I've been given. Not saying you're a bad dude. And some of what you say has some merit in a really fucked situation. But I don't want to fuck myself financially so bad that life sucks for the remaining years I got. In a bit over 2 years... child support wont be a thing. If I divorce between now and then.. that's an extra $1200 a month or so I gotta pay her. Paying her about $2300 a month.. and avoiding fucking up my credit wou…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:12 AM
1

When sales are good.. I can reach close to 200K a year in total. Last year was good (oddly.. even during pandemic). Her pay is around 80K a year tops. We live in a 50/50 no fault state.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:07 AM
2

That's fantastic you were able to work that out. Sounds like your ex was a reasonable woman and you two just didnt make a good couple. That's how everyone should look at it. Instead.. most seem to be "I hate you.. and can't stand you.. but I am going to continue to do everything I can for as long as I can to stay in your life and make you miserable because you made me angry".
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:06 AM
2

Man.. that alone should be enough reason why marriage and divorce needs to be completely overhauled in terms of finances. It's utter crap that the person working.. gets fucked even more.. and has to work more to scrape by.. while the person not working can.. in many states (and countries) continue to not work, and live comfortably on the working persons income. There should without a doubt be a maximum 1 year alimony.. and up to the other person.. be it not working at all or part time.. to figur…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:04 AM
1

I will try to do that.. if I am honest. But things the past few months gotten really bad. Lot of verbal yelling/cussing/etc back and forth. I met with a lawyer recently.. said that verbal yelling is grounds for a restraint that can get me removed.. even if its her doing more of it. That also adds a bad look against me.. even if I counter with one.. doesn't matter in a 50/50 state. My work is currently WFH.. and it's pretty much all day and night to keep my decent pay. I am OK with it as it keeps…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 07:01 AM
1

Daily crazy fights over stupid shit. Honestly.. with the way we've been throwing the D word around (and not the good D word).. I am worried she'll do some crazier shit like file a restraint against me and get me kicked out.. and then I end up having to somehow rent a place AND pay for the house. I've had a few friends down this path and it's awful for quite some time.. especially cause I have shit credit right now.. and no cash to pull from to get in to an apartment even.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 06:58 AM
1

How.. HOW is she owning an 800K home while you scrape by? How much is your alimony if you would share? Are you in a no fault (50/50) state? Did you get fucked by judge.. or did you have a fair divorce and you're a result of the way shit is right now.. ?
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 06:55 AM
1

I read that 67% is mend, 33% women... I think sadly we see stats from various sites/etc.. and many of them grab data in different ways. Some will poll 10 people.. 9 women and 1 man.. and find out 7 of those 9 filed.. the other 2 did not.. and the man filed.. and say 70% of woman file for divorce. Unfortunately stats are hard to go by on just about anything without a literally entire large area.. like entire country.. 250+ million data points (1 for every adult.. however many that is).. to get a …
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 06:20 PM
1

Yah.. I have a small one. Them expensive too! I have a little bit of room left.. but not enough! :)
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 05:40 PM
1

Honestly.. I am giving her just about everything. I want my own new stuff.. and not deal with moving furniture and shit out.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 09:01 AM
1

Have a consult next week. I spoke to two others already.. both said move out. Both said there is no problem with moving out.. and she takes on the payment of the house.. and whenever it's sold.. up until I moved out.. I get half.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 08:58 AM
3

Nope.. not new.. you clearly hate women. lol. I don't hate women.. I just despise the way the divorce laws work within many places.. where they often favor the "weaker" woman despite all the hoopla to make women equal, nail men to the cross if they so much as look at a woman in a way she finds offensive, etc. All this shit is a load of crap.. and it applies to divorce as well. But you certain CAN please a woman.. in many ways. If you can not.. that's your problem.. not mine. I have no problem be…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 05:27 AM
2

For the most part.. I do as well. There are a few things I like.. but the division of the country is so fucked up. I am really hoping this new 3rd party just formed.. by republicans and democrats and moderates.. takes hold and wins.. would be nice to see normal people rather than far left and far right idiots running things.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 09:19 AM
2

Nope. 2x higher. Everything 50/50 is assets.. house, cars.. really material goods.. not stuff on paper. Income can change overnight. Why a man has to keep on paying the same alimony/childsupport if he lost a job or ends up with a lower paying job is bullshit. Anytime EITHER party adjusts income.. the alimony/child support should be adjusted.. to a max btw.. if I suddenly become CEO and make 800K a year.. there is no reason my ex should get half my damn pay. That's utter bullshit too. If the whol…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 08:14 PM
1

I see no reason you can't please a woman AND yourself too. You don't have a GF just to please yourself right? If that is the case.. then no point in a GF/relationship.. just pay money to have sex, or find a good FWB and stay that route. But in a relationship, you certainly do want to please the other half.. but also yourself. It's not all about the other half only. Likewise she should want to please you too. Otherwise.. gtfo of that mess.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 08:09 PM
2

So far.. every woman I have talked to about staying single in a relationship (e.g. bf/gf, not married).. says more or less the same thing. "If you think getting married locks you in.. then we shouldn't be in a relationship" or something to that affect. Basically.. "trust me.. i wont screw you over.. " sort of thing. I will NEVER get in to that again. I have actually told my boys.. if you find love.. and you really really want to do the marriage thing.. go for it. But honestly, 2022.. we're far m…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 08:08 PM
3

If I had to pay child support (my kid has 1 year left.. out of 5.. so it's not worth it to me at this point.. because by the time divorce is final will be after a year anyway).. I would absolutely at least ask the judge if we can agree that the money goes in to a joint account and we both need to agree to a "rent/food"cost up front, and the rest is for clothes, books, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 08:03 PM
1

wait..what? 700 a week? 2800 a month.. that must be for all kids.. how many? That can't be for each kid.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 08:02 PM
17

Lot of women would be so angry that you said this. LOL. It is true though. I mean.. to be fair.. when you find a good woman.. sex is usually part of the greatness.. you hopefully find someone like a best friend.. that you want to do things with, and that takes on half the relationship needs.. like help cook, clean, pay bills, etc. But yes.. after a soon to be done with marriage (I hope).. I never want to get married again. I am looking forward to finding a woman of my choice now.. especially bei…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 09:16 PM
6

Others said stuff.. I will say.. don't get married again. Don't ever put yourself in this nightmare again. Date.. hook up.. sure.. but stay single. No reason to go down this mistake twice.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 09:13 PM
1

Agnostic, atheists.. and so on.. should just stay single.. earn their money and enjoy life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 09:05 PM
4

Spot on. You separate.. you take what you had.. I do agree that if a woman is a stay at home mom (or dad.. these days).. there should be some sort of allowed time for alimony. I don't have a problem with that. As long as both parties are civil.. the one making money should help the other for a period of maybe a year.. 2 at most.. but a year seems fair.. to get on their feet and find a job. This bullshit like in CA, etc.. where "the other half has to live as they have" so they get to have a 3 to …
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 09:04 PM
5

I will NEVER EVER understand why child support is directed toward the other half. Usually women. They can spend it on whatever the fuck they want. That's bullshit. It should be required to be in a joint account that requires BOTH parties to sign off on money being withdrawn. Receipts must be shown. A reasonable amount would be calculated based on living expenses (home, food). The rest is for clothes, health. Extra shit like nintendos, phones, car.. ALL of that is NOT to be part of child support.…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 08:59 PM
1

Right now.. not really. Other than those that are both religious and believe in the union for religious reasons (e.g. before having sex, kids, etc). But today.. assuming (at least in USA) we don't get the far right elected (especially with today's news about a new 3rd party that really seems to be perfect.. democrats, republicans and moderates.. combined in to one moderate political group. .yes please.. hopefully get rid of the far left and far right and see this group win for good).. the far ri…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 08:57 PM
1

But is that based on years of making similar pay.. or if like.. she was making that pay for a few months (new position) and is thus capable of making that pay? I thought they go back 3 years. So past 3 years she's made about 1/2 to 1/3 what I did. Now she is able to make on par with my pay.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 05:46 AM
1

This is interesting.. cool if I send you a DM? Couple questions along these lines.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 05:45 AM
1

Serious question.. what if you want sex.. and the feel/smell of a woman.. (not a toy and porn), but don't want a relationship? I like the idea of being on my own.. kids are almost grown now.. few more years of that.. then they are on their own.. The ability to do what I want.. when I want, how I want.. excites the shit out of me. Only wish I had divorced a few months after the honeymoon was over.. though I wouldn't have my kids.. which being not a great dad and realizing it now.. might not have …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 06:13 AM
1

Can you elaborate on the lump sum no alimony thing? I am hoping I can do something like that. I am told that the lump sum option would be less than the life long alimony payments.. though being in Cali.. and likely have to pay for life (been married 25 years.. we're in our 50s).. I don't know if that is an option unless court agrees to x years of alimony at x price. If I get forced in to a "pay for life" situation.. not sure. My STBXW makes about 100K a year though, I make about 190K. From what …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 06:07 AM
1

I think if the woman works also and makes good money.. this offsets the "risk" of men making 100K+. My STBXW makes more per hour than I do.. though she only works on call/part time. But her yearly income is over 100K a year, mine is a bit under 200K. From what my lawyer told me.. (we are in southern California).. I would pay about 1200 a month in alimony because she makes enough money to support herself. So I would pay due to difference in our salaries. But not too much given how much she makes.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 06:04 AM
2

So if she is on my medical now.. then that would work against me as she would be required to now pay for her own insurance. Got it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/22 02:12 AM
1

Honestly.. I have other obligations I need to pay as well.. I could sideline those, take a penalty/hit and pay off debt.. but some of them are likely going to bite me hard if I do that. I am opting to pay shit off as fast as I can.. but things come up that end up eating money.. like last year our AC went out, cost me 18K to fix.. that wiped out 4 months worth of 5K a month payments (if it were this year). Ideally I'd like to and am indeed trying to do that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 02:47 AM
1

You may have a problem getting approved on 40K if your credit is maxed. I owe 20K, make 250K and got denied for a new card to move all my 20K to (for 0% for 21 months) because my credit is too high for my income. Which makes no sense because I can literally pay 5K a month off.. e.g. 4 months be out of debt.. so it's stupid I got denied, but whatever. Anyway.. just sharing that.. if that's not an issue for you right on.. consolidate, close most down and dont spend on anything.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 04:05 AM
2

Stop drinking.. fill that time with working out, and some hobbies. Do like me.. take up drone flying, gaming, building keyboards, wood working, etc. Fun stuff.. and about the same price as the alcohol if you drink every day. You'll feel WAY WAY better, and enjoy yourself more.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 10:29 PM
7

Yah.. you are way nicer than me. I wouldn't have done it the first time. Fuck that. Not saying you are wrong/bad.. but knowing that some other dick was in her.. and then trying to make that work.. just sex alone would be impossible for me. But a 2nd time.. what.. gtfo (her). She will FOREVER be a person that uses like this.. don't accept that for anything. Kids are WAY better off without this crazy shit going on.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 07:42 PM
2

Depends on state. 50/50 but man makes a lot more than woman means he still pays her some child support in many states. It's kind of fucked.. but it seems to be the case. Child support and alimony both need a serious 2022 revamp. Child support should be put in to some shared account of some sort and be used only for the child. Food, clothes, water, cost of living space, etc.. should be figured out and what amount goes to each. This ability for the woman (or man in some cases) to use alimony for w…
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 03:25 PM
3

You absolutely need to find a hobby or three. It is one of the best ways to take your mind off of things. I say three because one hobby isn't going to fulfil you day in and day out. I like to work out, watch movies, build things, make music, etc. The combo of those things keeps me busy enough most of the time. Then you have friends/family (some more than others of course), take a drive, do yard work, read a book, etc. LOT of things you can do, you just have to get out of your head that you can't…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 05:34 PM
1

I mean.. while I suspect there are indeed women like this.. I dont truly believe most women look to do this. Especially those having to carry a baby for 10 months.. it's a LOT of work on their part. So I am not saying you are wrong.. I just don't feel this is valid for most women. Sure there are some.. but doubt it's a common thing because of all that a woman goes through to give birth.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 04:34 AM
2

Honestly surprising there isn't a huge suicide rate among men divorcing.. either from too much stress or.. literally broke working forever but doing themselves in means ex gets no money either just to fuck her over. It's unreal.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 04:29 AM
5

That's such bullshit.. they get it tax free.. after you pay taxes on it. This is why I am telling everybody I know of young age.. do NOT get married unless you understand the huge hit and nightmare you'll face in divorce. Also.. this divorce shit needs a world wide redo. It's utter bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 11:37 PM
3

So wait.. she makes 3K a month on her paycheck.. and you give her another 3300 a month. You make about 8K a month.. give or take.. and lose 3300 to her.. so she lives on 1.5K more a month than you? That does not seem right? How the fuck did you get screwed out of so much money? OR is child support not even considered in that "you both need equal amounts to live on" and that is only related to alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 11:35 PM
1

How long were you married and how did you get out of spousal support? I have one kid left (1 year left of HS.. 1.5 year till 18).. and am trying to calculate alimony (25 year marriage) and child support. I was actually thinking of offering her to keep the house (500K+ profit if sold right now), her retirement (about 400K), and I would owe no alimony AND she couldn't touch my stock (in a pre ipo company right now and it might be worth 300K it might be worth 3 million.. but I would take the risk t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 11:34 PM
1

Oh I did read it.. a few times on and off over the past year or so now. I don't know how long things take. My assumption was in 50/50 states, assets are divided. Maybe it takes 6 months for my and her lawyers to get around to "the house". I assumed that one of the first things we do is provide asset details, including a home. I would hope in the first or so mediation.. they bring it up.. maybe it cant be resolved then. But it should be able to. Simple as can be. Either she buys me out (I am will…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 11:43 PM
2

But.. from what I've read.. well worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 11:36 PM
1

Why would it prolong it? If you sell the home within 30 days of moving out, and all other assets are divided.. and the house sale is divided.. what else is there? Just alimony and child support at that point. Those don't require you to live in the same home do they? If so.. why? I assume the primary reason to stay in the home is so that she can't say "Oh look.. he is paying the mortgage.. and me... so I can live like this forever as long as I dont sign.. until forced". But if I want her to buy m…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 09:33 PM
1

I more or less have done the same. Waiting on last kid to be done with HS, but not sure I will wait that long.. still over a year out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 09:29 PM
1

Along similar lines.. mostly dead bedroom.. though we do have occasional sex.. maybe once a month or two here and there, then a couple months nothing (usually due to fighting, etc), then sometimes every couple weeks for a month or so. The other day I told her.. literally I have no emotion.. it just feels good. She was very upset.. thought we were making love. I have told her many times I want out of marriage, be alone etc. So she equated sex as me trying to make it work, things were better, etc.…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 10:48 PM
1

The problem I have with this.. is I WFH too.. and she is home all the time.. constantly bugging me, coming in to office, etc. I want to file.. and get permission to leave. Our daughter is almost 17.. so one more year and then no child support if any is to be done. I want to start the process of healing without her around all the fucking time. I am told at least in California that if she cant afford to buy me out of home, she has no choice but to sell it (with me).. to split assets. Filing and th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 10:27 PM
2

Nope. Disability.. ran out of company funds.. and been trying to get hold of Disabilityfor 2 months.. which is impossible. By 9am they have too many calls for the day. So you get hung up on. She got through one time (out of 23 attempts so far). Was on hold for 3.5 hours. Finally got to the "you're in queue to be called back". Had another appt and they called during that time.. and she was not aware (was on bluetooth and wasnt seeing phone). I do sympathize with her with regards to trying to get …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 08:34 PM
1

Stress.. work stress more specifically. Basically saying the pressure at work is causing her heart issues (which is probably partially true). She has high BP and heart disease. Somehow stress makes it worse.. and thus stress from work is enough so she can take a few months off so far. Not entirely sure how that turns in to a permanent disability.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 08:27 PM
1

Why did some say that a judge may not impute her salary though? In my wife's case, she has been through cancer, and has some medical issues going on that make it harder for her to work. She CAN work, but she somehow is able to keep on getting her doctor to lengthen her disability time out of work. I am worried that will somehow work against me and make me owe her 2x to 3x more money just because she a) can only work part time, and b) most places where she could work part time pay a lot less, no …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 04:56 PM
3

long story short.. she done fucked up her job.. but she is also getting shafted unfairly. She also has medical issues that are making it harder to do the job, and is trying to go out on state disability.. which I think is going to fuck me over worse.. though I did see someone say as that is untaxed, it could actually be better for me if that goes through for her. Not sure though.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 02:44 AM
4

She has said time and again she wont divorce me or give me one, and it will be hell if I file, and she'll drain me, etc. Technically she can make as much as me salary wise if she works full time. She hasnt due to kids, and now medical disability (though it's kinda bullshit.. she's able to "persuade" her doctors in letter her stay out longer, but she can work.). So I think I am going to have to impute her income.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 02:41 AM
2

How long does this process take? How many lawyer/judge fees rack up trying to get this done? I feel like this could take 60+ days and multiple engagements.. each adding $500 to $1000 or more to the bill. Why must one person be penalized/forced to incur costs because the other is unwilling. Shouldn't the unwilling participant be required to pay if they want to delay/prolong the process? Man our legal system is so backwards.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 08:40 PM
1

Just asked a similar question.. wife says she wont sell and cant afford to buy me out (losing her job).. and I am worried if I file soon (haven't yet) I will be stuck with her legal fees.. yet selling the home would put plenty of money in her pocket to afford her own fees.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 08:38 PM
1

Sounds like California. Apparently it makes no difference in terms of divorce, assets, alimony. May affect child support/custody though.. not sure though.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 10:07 PM
2

WOW! How the hell you pull that off? That seems so rare. Must not be in California or NYC. The women always get way more in those states even when they are cheating and filed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 12:43 AM
1

SAME!! She is horrible with numbers, calculations, etc. Drives me nuts. She can't figure out percentages, etc in her head. I mean.. most things are near 10%.. or 5%.. so you do 10% of a number, and figure it out from there.. if it's 5%.. 10% of 153 is 15.3. Half of that for 5% is what? "Uh.. 13?.. no wait.. 2.. no.. " OMFG.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:27 PM
1

So at what point does the court say "The past 20+ years you were making.. part time.. 100K a year.. full time that could be equivalent to 200K a year... and now you are working for 40K a year.. and you want us to demand more money from your ex.. because you are either incapable of or unwilling to find a job paying what you have been making for 20+ years.."?? That is what I am trying to find out. Obviously people as we get older.. certain fields are harder to get paid good money in as you get old…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/22 06:21 PM
1

So.. that's interesting then. If she would get at most my strike price value.. x her half.. then maybe I don't give up my half of the house. I was told from a lawyer who said they were not sure.. but believe that I could buy her half out so that I keep all my shares at their value.. just pay her the value she is due at the time of separation/filing. That way I still have 100% of the stocks.. and if they go up 10x, etc.. I get all that profit. I was thinking if I had to pay her internal value.. i…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 01:12 AM
1

Yes... how? Lol. That's the problem.. there are many lawyers that this is purely a business and they want to capitalize on that with your money. I've no idea how you find the right one day one.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 04:34 PM
1

Damn.. I hear it's like 5K each to 100K each depending on how long, etc. I suspect my STBXW will try to cause as much financial grief as possible for me. :(.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 12:48 AM
1

That is what I am hoping. Some other replies indicate otherwise. My STBXW would likely have a lawyer I assume that would ask "did your husband buy lots of stuff on credit.. have you seen lots of stuff show up.. etc" where she would say "yes.. hes on a first name basis with fedex, ups, amazon and usps.". My hunch is her lawyer would then require me to provide documentation.. if a CC is closed.. and my STBXW recalls that I was using it not too long ago.. she might tell her lawyer I was using that …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 09:56 PM
1

I have spent probably 20K to 30K over the last 5 years on shit.. mostly for this house.. but usually I am the primary/only user of it. My computer stuff, tv/speakers, network gear for the house (which I plan to take with me.. since it is all beyond her capability), etc. Only a few potential big ticket items (laser TV, 3d printer, etc) that she could maybe question and demand payment for. But... if our pay is combined.. and I paid it off.. isn't this just an asset at this point. We basically argu…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 09:52 PM
1

I know this goes against MOST men.. but for me.. I spent about 15K on shit for me.. mostly to take with me when I go. The only item over 1K is a laser TV. The rest are a few hundred here and there minus a 3500 item not due out till end of year. Tools, parts for PCs, network setup, etc. All under 1K each. None of it makes any sense for her to keep.. she has no clue what to do with any of it. But.. I am hoping that by paying shit off and not being the asshole.. a judge and the lawyers would acknow…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 09:49 PM
1

How much did that cost to force discovery and subpoena?
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 08:33 PM
1

I am about 2x her income.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 05:37 AM
1

We have 401K/retirement/pension stuff too, and stock in my company.. so I am sure it will take a little bit to figure it all out. I am inquiring about stock right now.. trying to figure out how that plays out. I agree.. I hope you are right.. lawyers should be able to ascertain hopefully within 30 to 60 days what we make, what we owe, what we have in assets.. and from that be able to determine if whatever interim alimony is in place + her pay can afford the place + food, etc. If not.. hopefully …
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 05:36 AM
1

As in pay the mortgage? I am trying to find out the same. I would assume yes.. but that lawyers will hopefully give like 30 to 60 days to resolve.. e.g. if you want to move out.. and she cant buy you out, then it should be sold. However.. the timeline is what I am unclear about. I hear from many that that stuff is NOT resolved until AFTER divorce is final. If she wont sign papers.. or prolongs shit.. it could be a year or longer. Am I stuck watching her lose our house.. because she gets to delay…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 05:33 AM
1

I always wondered how that works out.. like.. if you file bankruptcy.. how do you get turned down to rent a place. Are you stuck living on the street then? Assuming you make like $2500 a month.. you could afford a rental.. just couldn't afford the mortgage and food. She would be completely stupid to just up and stop paying and lose the house.. but every time we start talking about divorce she goes in to a fit about it and how she'll just let everything crash and not care about money, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 05:31 AM
1

I said it wrong.. what I meant is if I move out and file for divorce, and she is living there.. I was told she would be responsible for paying if she wants to remain. She has the option to move out as well.. and then we rent/sell it. But if she intends on staying, then she is responsible for mortgage and not letting it go in to foreclosure. I don't think it would get that far.. but just wanted to understand what could happen if that situation was in play.. if she would be required to inform me/l…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 05:28 AM
1

Oh I agree.. and I would likely not stop myself. One idea was told that I should move out and since I don't live there I would not be responsible. But I think that was only if I file for divorce or separation and she lived in the residence and I did not. In that case, she would be responsible. My question I guess is.. until we sell the home or she buys me out.. what sort of legal issues could she be in if she just stopped paying while the divorce was ongoing.. and we lost the house. Would she no…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 05:27 AM
2

California.. so I believe I am. That is why.. if that is the case and I think it is.. I am not worried about my name not on the loan. We bought the home together.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 05:23 AM
1

She's already told me she would.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:48 AM
2

She would absolutely make up false bullshit to fuck me over if she thought I was leaving her, etc. She's fucking phsycho.. and I do NOT want to end up in jail. That would get me fired, ruin everything. All on a lie. But if she refuses to sign the divorce.. and it takes a year or longer.. I am fucked that long? All because she just wants to fuck me over and purposely do this? How is it that the courts allow that? I mean.. if I want out.. its an easy decision. You want the house.. buy me out. If n…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:47 AM
3

Definitely will talk to lawyer before I leave.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:42 AM
2

My name is not on the mortgage. We refinanced a couple years back with just her name.. cause her credit was better than mine. It is VERY hard to stay. She constantly bugs me in my home office.. and locking door will result in banging/losing her shit, etc. I guess I can call police, etc.. but fuck man.. that is ridiculous. Then what.. she gets written up and booted out? Then she files a false claim of rape or some shit, I am arrested for a few days until bail, then what.. it's just utter shit. I …
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:39 AM
2

Only big item is a laser TV projector and screen. The rest is < $1000 per item. Most of that stuff I moved out already. But to be fair.. she has a 3500 TV on the wall she would keep, along with 4 other TVs I dont want. The only concern I have is what you said.. she may want to try to take shit to fuck me over. Not sure how that works.. I tell her "you keep that big ass TV and the others.. which combined are $2K more than my laser TV.. " and then she says "I dont want any of those.. I want the la…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:38 AM
1

Right.. but if I cant afford both.. and she cant.. how soon after will she either have to buy me out or we sell it? Like.. if I say within 30 days.. I want to sell..and she says no.. then I say ok fine buy me out.. and she cant.. so can the lawyers/court within say 60 days force the sale or buyout? If the divorce takes a year or longer.. cause she refuses to sign (not even sure how long that can go on for).. basically I am fucked and have to pay.. or she can just stop and let it go? That seem fu…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:36 AM
1

Right.. her car is easily 30K more than mine.. and her jewelry.. etc.. so to me.. if I say "you can have the car clean.. I keep all my shit.. we avoid going in to detail over all this so we speed up the process..". But I suspect she wont do that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:34 AM
1

What if she refuses to sign the divorce.. and pay for the house.. can I "own it" since she is purposely sabotaging it and losing us a crap ton of money? The biggest question is.. how soon after I file.. will this start to come in to play? Like.. 2 months in and our credit is ruined if the mortgage isnt paid. So.. like.. I can pay it.. but if she cant buy me out, and I can buy her out but she wont let me.. then I am fine selling..but if it takes months for that to happen.. we'll lose the house. T…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/22 08:32 AM
1

Wish I could. Most of what I buy is online.. can't buy it via cash at local store or anything.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 03:35 AM
1

My wife has control of all that. I have only had my own account for a few months. :(. Not sure what I will be able to do otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 03:34 AM
1

We actually tried a few times now over the past 20 odd years.. and I am just not in love any more. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her knowing that we're basically room mates. I DO want at least some chance to maybe find love again. It was a great feeling when we had it. A LOT changed so much so that I believe that it would take the rest of our lives.. if not longer to try to rectify what went wrong and why it changed. I don't want to do that in my old age.. or now. We have tried …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 09:46 PM
1

It's so sad that for the lawyers.. it's all about the money they can pull.. not what it does to people. Not about fairness. It's about how much we can screw the other party over so I get more money from that asshole.. oh yah.. my client does too.. but mostly its me getting it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 07:51 PM
2

Not saving.. just assets.. house after sell, retirement if we cash out (don't really want to.. 10% penalty is a big hit), etc. Actual cash on hand.. literally 0.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 07:49 PM
3

I still don't understand all the women's movements for equal rights/pay.. except in divorce.. then the men get screwed and they are OK with that. That's bullshit and needs to change.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 08:13 AM
1

Good. Don't.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 08:11 AM
2

I can. She wont. She doesnt care. Has said it so many times. Despite that she'll severely regret it after.. she will be so angry when I file.. that she wont see through how much of a waste it will be and how much she'll regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 08:11 AM
2

I could live with 5K to 10K.. that would be great. I suspect she'll drag it on and make it much worse.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 08:10 AM
1

AGreed.. though.. I am less worried about the end result and more about the initial amount to get started. If I can't pay.. how the hell I get divorced fairly? Initial cost is like $5K to get started. Given lawyer prices (like $350 an hour.. if not more).. that wont last long.. paperwork alone and a couple meetings will suck 5K easily. Then time for them to do the court stuff.. then back and forth.. I suspect at least 20K or more.. which.. if I can pay increments.. sure. But if in the next 6 mon…
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 03:28 AM
4

One more reason I sell the idea of "never get married.. stay single.." to everyone I can now.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 03:25 AM
2

Appreciate your point of view and reference. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 03:24 AM
1

As an employee.. I don't think I (or her with her half) could sell prior to 6 months.. not sure though. That seems to be the usual duration before employees can cash out.. which I think is usually to avoid them getting rich and quitting.. leaving the company to fail.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 02:23 AM
1

Well.. I haven't filed yet.. but why?
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 10:16 PM
2

Agreed. I think a LOT of men would never agree/sign it if all the lawyer shit was spelled out to be read AND available what will happen if you try to break the contract.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 10:14 PM
6

I have been reading more and more that marriage is waning. Especially in places where it largely favors the woman in divorce and the man gets screwed. I am finding a lot more younger kids (men) do not want to get married any more.. but still a lot will.. and until the laws of how a divorce pans out change.. across the board.. I think it's prudent men are educated extensively on what will happen once they sign that marriage certificate.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 08:44 PM
1

I am on the verge of moving out.. simply because I work from home and she wont stop pestering me.. being a raving bitch at times.. and it's affecting my work. Why are we constantly told NOT to move out? If I file.. and move.. why is that not OK? Or is it don't move out until you file for divorce? My understanding is that you don't want to be put in a position of abandoning the house/kids/etc. But if I file for divorce.. it locks everything I thought. She would then have to find attorney and file…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/21 09:13 AM
1

OMFG.. how the hell does any judge.. see that she did that.. and agree you have to pay half? That makes no fucking sense. A first grader can see that she purposely did that shit. Why they rule in favor of. "oh its community property so you have to pay half..". I assume if it was physical goods, you got to keep half at least. Still not worth paying for it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/21 01:50 AM
2

I cant force her to stop.. they are in her name. My name would only be a card holder.. not account owner.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 05:15 AM
1

She opened a few CCs in her name while things were "ok".. e.g. a few years ago.. some points/rewards types of cards. My name isn't on them per se.. she did add me as a card holder.. but the account was in her name. The problem I have.. is waiting on new year to file.. I don't think I can file now and move out.. can I? I was trying to avoid tax/other issues for 2021.. wait for early 2022 (like Jan 1 or so) since its so close?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 05:15 AM
1

The problem I face is my STBXW continues to tell me she will not mediate.. she will go straight to attorneys and court and will drag it out for ever. I think it's fucked how.. me making more than her means I also have to pay part of her lawyer/court fees on top of mine and yet.. she can drag it out for years. It's such a fucked thing.. I am telling everyone NEVER to marry. At least not without a prenup. It is just not worth the bullshit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:10 AM
1

Did you live with her for 7+ years? I am curious how that whole thing works out.. supposedly common law applies and it's similar to a divorce? Not entirely sure.. and my guess is it varies state to state (if in the USA.. not even sure outside of USA).
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:09 AM
1

Hard to get those jobs though.. you gotta be a top notch interviewer.. better know your leetcode like the kids out of college especially at 50.. cause ageism is a real thing in this industry. Finding the time to try to master leetcode.. when you're older, slower and working.. is a real pain in the ass. You may get lucky and find a company that doesn't require leetcode.. and do well enough to land a job. But I have found those to be super rare.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:08 AM
1

Yah.. for sure my brother.. FIX YOURSELF first. You have to be well.. to do well. Without a doubt seek therapy, find a hobby that brings a smile to your face. Not drinking or drugs. Like pick up gaming, or wood working, or cooking. Something that you can do when ever you can and enjoy. Fishing maybe? Golfing?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:06 AM
1

Why are you going to be scraping by? Do you have more than 1 kid.. and young? Or just alimony? Did your ex work.. or no? Asking for my own knowledge.. almost 50 myself and about to file.. need to understand what I am looking at.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:05 AM
2

Same. Only true retirement I have to look forward to his inheritance.. which cant be used/touched by her. I am really hoping that turns out to be a million or so.. but that may be 20+ years before my folks kick the bucket. They're in pretty good health now. Not that I want that.. would rather have them than inheritance.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:03 AM
1

How do you avoid CCs in bankruptcy? I am pretty sure they pull up your credit history right? They would see those?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:02 AM
1

Remember.. the more you make.. the more she can get from you. That's the concern I had when I had a 2nd gig paying good money.. and decided to leave 20K of owed salary on the table.. to avoid my yearly gross going too high to fuck me in alimony. Really really sucked. Hard! I loved the side gig too. But.. was told by many on here that it's goign to fuck me hard when it comes time for alimony. So I not only quit the job.. but also lost 20K so as to not add to my yearly gross. Fucking sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 03:01 AM
3

Do what a friend of mine is doing.. rent it. The value of it will go up. If you can clean it up in a month and rent it out for a little more than mortgage.. the value of it will go up so you can sell it in a few years or so and make more money off of it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/21 09:58 PM
1

20+ years.. alimony for life most likely.. but hopefully not. 3 girls. One left in HS. Never..ever.. getting married again. I may never date again. I enjoy when she's gone.. lots of tech/fun stuff to do. If I can find a way to own my own home one day.. that's even more fun. Lots of projects you can do here and there to improve the house.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/21 08:37 AM
6

I don't understand why the hell this happens. I asked a lawyer during consult about this. I said.. so anytime my STBXW wants to "check my status".. she can.. and because I make more than her.. I have to pay her laywer fees and mine.. she said "Yup.. more or less. " I said "how the hell is that fair.. if she wants to.. why am I forced to pay her laywer fees". "Becuase you make a lot more money.. the destitute person gets to have the other pay for things". FUCK. That is such a fucked up bullshit w…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 11:11 PM
1

Interested? :D haha.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 11:05 PM
1

Fair points. I am honestly not looking to do tinder/etc. I am not a very outgoing person.. and I aint hung like a horse either.. so I have that stigma about not being adequate. Plus I am older and out of shape. So truly not thinking of hitting the clubbing scene like I did 30 years ago haha. My wife and I actually met at a club.. when I literally gave up on trying to find a woman. Just was done. Then I met her.. and bam. Oh well.. some things aren't meant to last. That's an interesting perspecti…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/21 11:05 PM
1

I dont expect her to be old. She'll be young.. and when I die.. loaded with the money I leave her and have a great life after. :D
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 01:24 AM
1

No joke.. I thought of this. Oddly I want a woman from the 70s.. one that isn't looking like a 3 year old down below.. but is mature enough to be a good person, hold a conversation, etc. While I would love to be catered to.. I don't want a slave. I want to provide for.. etc.. but also have someone that wants to do the cooking..cause I fucking hate cooking. I'll take care of most other shit.. but seems damn near impossible to find that perfect woman. :D VR.. do tell? I have that but can't seem to…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 11:26 PM
1

I would love to know what guys do with their teenage kids.. 17, 18, 19, 20 or so aged. They are so engrossed in their lives, that I wonder if they even care to visit. Like.. if I move out and end up moving a couple hours away (for work).. I don't know that I would see them very often. I wont have the money after alimony/etc to afford a hotel for a weekend to visit once a month. But if I am being honest.. and hence asking you all.. what do you do if you DO come and visit and get a room or somethi…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 06:53 AM
2

Truth!
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 06:44 AM
1

What about Jorge or Juan?
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 06:43 AM
7

that cunt
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 06:40 AM
4

I am contemplating this when I separate/divorce. However.. two things.. a) vagina.. love it.. so I guess I get on Tinder? and b) lonliness/need help when I get old. a).. well there are toys and shit that work pretty well.. not quite the same but at least I can use whatever porn/etc if I need.. would prefer the real thing though b) scares me a little. I absolutely want to get in shape.. and fit.. and hopefully stay that way as I get older so hopefully it alleviates many of the issues older folks …
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 06:38 AM
2

First.. do you have enough income to afford the mortgage AND the car, along with whatever else? Very risky but nice of parents to do that for you.. but you no doubt don't want to put them in a bind if you somehow cant make the payments.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 05:34 PM
1

If the car is in your name.. and she is not on the loan.. I would think you can take possession of the car.. and pay the loan up to date (if you can). If you're joint account holders on the car.. at the very least you want to talk to them, let them know you filed, she was paying and stopped.. and ask them what the options are. Do you care if the car is reposed? If it is in your name and going to hurt your credit.. then I would find out if you can reposes the car yourself, so you can sell it to p…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 05:33 PM
1

So I am curious if they base pay on the last 3 months stubs.. or last 3 years.. how do they figure out what a person "can" make.. my STBXW is out on stress leave.. making 1/2 pay right now. That isn't what she can make.. just what she is right now. Is that going to be used against me if I file in the next couple months.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 06:10 PM
2

I read this with interest. I am wondering about lawyers. My friend who recommending me one.. has now said his lawyer has made many mistakes, and charges to correct them. Regarding starting the process (I am trying to get this started).. I do NOT keep good records. My STBXW does a much better job. What sort of info is needed? I can certainly pull my tax returns.. I did save those. But bank statements? Like.. they want 3 to 4 years of every single month? We have a joint account (until recently).. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 10:03 PM
2

This.. in so many ways.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 09:55 PM
1

Ah.. got it. Thanks for clarification. :)
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 09:51 PM
2

Why cant you buy her out? You said money is not a problem. Offer to buy her out. You have two properties.. either let her buy you out of other one.. or sell it, and use that to buy her out.. or something? Or are you saying she is purposely fucking you over on this house to prevent you from keeping it?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 04:08 AM
1

What does "I would wife you" mean?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 03:50 AM
1

How did she survive then?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 03:49 AM
1

I am not a cook. Doesn't mean I wont try. But my kids are 18 and 16. Dinner is the only thing they should need made for them.. if that. My STBXW generally does the cooking. I do pretty much everything else. Or the kids do as part of chores. I work full time, she is part time, I pay 95% of the bills. I think I am allowed to not do one thing.. cook in this case. At least while she works part time and is home most of the time. I don't see why that would be unreasonable. She does. It's one of the ma…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 03:49 AM
1

My STBXW basically told me to file for divorce if I wanted my own account. So I got my own account.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/21 03:47 AM
2

Problem is.. it's likely she'll do one of those stupid "I fear for my safety" things to get me booted. Not sure.. hopefully not.. but would not surprise me. In which case.. I am not sure how long I would have.. but finding a home, getting approved, coming up with the 5K+ for first/last months rent, etc.. is all going to be difficult at best.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 11:07 PM
1

Holy shit on all accounts.. 35 jobs lost.. why? Due to disability issues they fired you? Plus.. 610 a month for 2bed.. that was like 40 years ago in my area! Maybe I need to move to Ohio! Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 10:08 PM
1

How the hell you afford to live? I was just looking at rents around my area.. $2500+ for a 2bd/2ba home.. in a shit area. It's nucking futz how much it costs. I make enough right now..but if I lose my job.. unemployment wont even cover 1/2 my rent. I don't know how people afford it. You gotta have 80K+ for every single home at the cheapest shit holes.. if not 100K+ to live in this area.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/21 06:11 AM
1

Right there with you brother. In my 50s.. I keep thinking.. is there any shot at finding someone I will enjoy being with again. Will never marry again. My fear honestly is as I get older.. what will happen if I have ailments. I have kids.. but really do NOT want to be a burden to them either. But part of me is all in to the idea of living in some place like Alaska with a bunch of dogs, off the grid a bit.. though not thinking I want to try to manage a farm/etc as I get older either. It's kinda s…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 06:51 AM
1

First.. sorry for the pain you are going through bro. Many of us do. Most important is for you to be there for your kids, and for you. I can only say that you have to find a way to understand there is nothing you can do about whatever she is doing, but you CAN do something about you. Do NOT turn to the drink man. That's no good for you or your kids. Your kids need a responsible parent and though I am not sure if she is or is not, YOU be that parent. Be there for them. Working out is a great thin…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/21 06:45 AM
1

I assumed I hire the lawyer, who I have to put on a 5K retainer fee.. and they do the filing/etc? During my consult they mentioned at least in CA there is a mandatory 6 month cool off period? Also.. that it always goes to mediation first.. and that most cases never make it in front of a judge?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 10:17 PM
1

You and I have the same understanding. My 30 minute consult.. I asked that question. Initially the alimony is calculated based on pay difference, etc. Duration I am not sure of, but my lawyer said the same thing.. if she didn't work, and you had young kids.. you would be screwed. That your kids are almost 18 (1 left out of 3.. 1 year to go), she makes a good paycheck (about 1/2 what I do).. it's a fairly easy case. She works part time too.. so it may be possible to do that $5K thing (forget the …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 07:07 PM
1

What are the big things? She gets one car, I get the other. HEr car is 30K more than mine. I am ok with that. That 30K will apply to shit I want. I will give her ALL the furnitture/etc.. I just want some cash and I will buy my own shit. So I am fine with that too. The problem will be if she has to sell the house.. then all the shi tI would give her would have to be moved too to wherever she goes. So.. not sure how that works out. I would much rather she buys me out of the house, so we dont need …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 07:00 PM
1

I would be OK with her taking half the value they are right now.. but I keep the stock itself.. so that in the future if it goes up.. I benefit. If I have to sell the shares directly to make that money..e.g. forced to..that blows. If I can "buy her out" of her shares.. by paying her the amount they are worth right now.. that's great. I am also curious if these are internal stock (pre-ipo).. she is not part of the company, so she can't possibly be allowed to have access to the shares themselves i…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 06:58 PM
1

So as another said.. it can be negotiated I guess. I think my actual value is like 20K total right now if I were to sell it for the internal price. If I could buy her out, but keep my shares still.. if later on it goes much higher.. do I still owe her half of that too.. or would buying her out with cash now, mean shes done. Ideally I want to keep all my stock.. so if I can buy her out of her half of vested stock now, for the current value.. that would be great.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 04:06 AM
3

What location? My understanding in California (where I am at) is that typically if you make the same, little to no alimony is warranted. If you have pension, she does not, then she would get half.. I assume once you retire. Curious how that works out. What if you don't retire for 15 years.. haven't talked to her in 10.. does someone at the pension company during the divorce now have the task of keeping tabs of where she is to send her her half? Is it on you.. and if you can't find her for whatev…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 12:48 AM
2

Agreed.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/21 12:39 AM
1

I was thinking something similar. With 25 year marriage, I am unsure if I will have to pay alimony for life. However.. life could be 5 more years or 30 more years.. so I originally was thinking.. no alimony but you own home. But then if for any reason she drops dead (she has some medical issues) in a couple years, I just lost all that money I wouldn't have to pay alimony any more... so now I think it's best that she just buys me out and we liquidate everything else.. which between home and retir…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/21 11:05 PM
2

My understanding.. though this may be different depending on where in the world you are.. is that the person buying the other person out basically needs to have enough net income to cover the mortgage with something like 70% left over for everything else? I could be wrong.. don't recall what the deal is. My STBX wants to buy me out (so she says), and her take home barely covers the mortgage. She indicates with what I'll have to pay her in alimony she'll easily cover the costs. One fact I know is…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/21 11:02 PM
1

Thoughts? You know what to do.. stick with the divorce. Period. Do NOT go back with her.. this will be a rinse/repeat situation. She'll figure out she now controls you.. with emotion, whatever.. and she'll seem great for a bit, then do it again. Not worth your life being miserable for years.. or longer. Get out now.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/21 10:57 PM
1

If she doesn't work.. not to sound like a dick.. but I hope you make a LOT of money. 6 kids + full alimony is going to cost a ton. I don't know where you live, but in California, in that scenario, if I make 10K a month take home, It's going to run around $1K per kid, before alimony is factored in. Depending on situation, their are "discounts" (horrible way to say that) the more kids you have.. but I would be you will pay $3K to $5K a month just for child support. I forget now if there is any con…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/21 10:52 PM
1

I think this depends where you live (country, state, etc). I spoke to a lawyer who said it is perfectly fine to move out. However she would be on the hook for the monthly mortgage while I pay to live another location. As long as I file.. and divorce is in process (or separation).. then all is OK moving out. If I just left, without filing/etc.. then their can be ramifications because that is abandonment. She could legally own then sell the home after I think 60 days or something like that.. forge…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/21 10:45 PM
1

I was thinking of doing something similar with my wife.. haven't filed yet.. but thought if I could have her keep her retirement (about 300K or so), pension (e.g. sign off I will take none of it when she retires in a few years), give me 100K for the house (it has about 400K in profit).. and leave my company stock alone (it could go big, it likely wont be more than a few 100K), and I pay no alimony and my daughter who wants to live with me.. she pays no support for the remaining 3 years.. she can…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 04:31 AM
1

My lawyer said the same thing. At least in California. Are you sure that his lawyer is wrong? I have read both things though.. some like what you are saying, and others agreeing to what my and his lawyers say.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 04:26 AM
1

Sorry for all your "crap" (no pun intended) but I had to laugh about the buying a plunger. LOL. Honestly.. I would avoid marriage at this point. If I can pull the trigger at some point to file for divorce.. never again. I can't deal with all the crap that marriage locks you in to. Either a girlfriend or my left hand.. that's it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/21 06:40 PM
3

TY for reward. :)
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/21 06:54 PM
22

Don't get married. Ever.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/21 09:10 PM
1

The thing is.. my kid is > 12 and wants to live with SO. Problem is SO is drunk all the time, lets our kid smoke weed whenever or with friends, go out whenever. No parenting at all. I am worried my daughter will end up in a bad situation because of the lack of parenting... so I am not sure if it's possible to "force" child to live with me against their will.. because I am the parent that parents them, looks out for them, etc. My assumption is, a kid of age, in Cali, can choose who they want to l…
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/21 03:15 PM
1

OK.. well only debt we have is one college loan and a mortgage. CCs we pay off each month more or less. So that part should be easy enough.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/21 12:36 AM
1

That is what I keep telling my STBXW. She keeps telling me she has all my chats with "women" (colleagues, friends, etc) that she says I was emotionally cheating on her.. and that its all recorded.. and I told her.. uh.. in no way does a) that make a damn bit of difference in Cali, and b) no judge is going to request FB/SC/IG/etc to pull 10 years of history of chats for someone unless it's some sort of espionage or murder case. Definitely not for divorce. Cracks me up when she says that... I let …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 04:19 AM
1

Shit..I have like 2K on my CC available..that's about it. I hope I can pay over monthly installments. Otherwise Ima have to find me my cousin vinny!
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 12:45 AM
1

Right.. definitely getting a lawyer when I file. I just want to gather what I can ahead of time to have a rough idea based on others in California experience.. hopefully some with similar salary differences, etc like I listed. I am really curious how division of material possessions in house happen. She has no clue about some of the value of tech etc that I have bought.. but frankly, I don't want most things anyway. I am starting over.. I plan to go simple as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 12:43 AM
1

For sure.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 12:40 AM
1

Does that mean if I have stock.. that isn't vested (or vested..but we're pre ipo.. so can't really sell it).. that any stock I accrue AFTER the date.. is mine free and clear? Also.. if that is the case.. and then I cash some and say make 100K extra.. a) how does she know I did that.. and b) if she can find out.. is that added as income that she can take me back to court for?
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 12:40 AM
1

Alright.. dont know either of you or the context. Many people would probably say I treated my wife bad.. and vice versa.. really depends on what you believe in. If by bad he beat her, controlled her, locked her up.. then yah..that's bad. Would need more context though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 06:15 PM
1

I have.. and will again. Just mind boggling shit is still this fucked up towards men.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 06:12 PM
2

I would say no.. do NOT agree to walk away without alimony. As others said.. if for ANY other reason.. though it should be the least reason.. men are still largely screwed in divorce courts.. and men also largely will "walk away with no money" out of pride.. being the man.. make things super easy and not drag it on, etc. Sadly..that allows the continued trend of women get to screw men in divorce but the reverse seldom happens. I shouldn't say screw.. that makes it sound devious.. even if it is s…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 07:40 PM
1

I dont see how 50/50 entitles child support? I thought 50/50 is no support by either party to the other.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 07:36 PM
1

So you are saying /u/Scelerophobic is wrong.. if so.. how? What is your experience with what I have asked?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 07:29 PM
2

Ah.. no.. she is working her field.. just part time. She could work full time.. not necessarily an option to work full time in her specific location though. So can you impute them working only part time when they could work full time same job?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 02:58 PM
1

My youngest daughter is 16.. the rest are > 18. So we only have one child left.. assuming divorce takes a year.. I would have < a year of child support to pay assuming we dont do a 50/50. But I am likely moving a few hours away (for work) if we split anyway.. so I probably will only have every other weekend or once a month visits.. not sure if that's 80/20 or less. Unless my daughter wants to live with me after I move. I doubt it. Her friends/etc are here her whole life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 02:57 PM
1

Even if she makes plenty on her own and can work full time (if imputed) and make 150K+ a year herself? I thought there was a limit on when she could file.. if I make a bit more than her..but she is making 100K or more.. now.. part time.. and imputed would probably be up to nearly 200K a year.. why would I still be liable to pay her... And is it really true that they do NOT account for using extra money to help pay for kids college, and pay off debt? Like.. what.. how is that good deed overlooked…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 05:57 AM
2

This one I dont understand.. if you file for divorce.. and she decides to prolong it for months.. or longer.. you are forced to live in that house with her.. to avoid abandonment? Why? In my case the loan is in my STBXW name.. but we bought the house originally together on the loan. Living in Cali.. my understanding is it doesnt matter if my name is not on the loan.. we are married and the house is ours.. bought it together. But if I want to move out.. I can't.. even if I keep on paying on the h…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 05:54 AM
1

Man.. the process of divorce is so fucking retarded. I do NOT understand how it is legal to say "Oh you worked 80 hours a week one year.. and paid off all both of your debt, did this and that to whatever.. .. OK.. so we're going to assume that you can make that much year after year now.. even though we know you are not right now.. and going to demand you pay that much in alimony.. oh and if you lose your job.. or lower in pay. sorry.. still gotta pay". That is unreal to me that this has passed a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 05:50 AM
1

I would have to ask for this.. especially if they were going to use the income I make from 2nd job against me. What is under employed?
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 05:43 AM
1

Wait.. the day you file for divorce.. or the day you move out and live on your own.. while waiting to file? Problem is..we're still in limbo.. still unsure what to do. I don't think we have a future.. she for some reason does. I am a bit lost.. having a hard time with the whole thought of moving.. dealing with all that.. while working fulll time (and 2nd job righ tnow).. etc.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 05:43 AM
1

Well.. just to be clear.. my day job is likely to go away.. at least it seems to be headed that way. Being without a job as an older dude.. who sucks at interviews.. is a ROUGH spot to be in. So it so happened I got this 2nd gig.. and for me it was more of a safety net to move to sooner than later.. should I need to. What I don't understand is this. At least in states like California.. if my STBXW is capable of working full time (but doesnt due to us agreeing while the kids were younger she coul…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/21 05:41 AM
1

So..maybe I am doing things wrong.. but I haven't filed yet.. and what I have been doing.. and maybe this will bite me in the ass.. but while we are still living together.. I've been slowly buying a thing here and there.. things that are in my wheelhouse of enjoyment. For example, wood working tools, home theater stuff.. updated computer/network stuff, etc. Most of this stuff I will take with me when I leave.. partly because she doesn't really have any idea how much it's worth.. which may seem d…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:54 PM
1

Similar situation.. while my STBXW works part time.. and helps pay some things.. I make 2/3 of the money, I do a bit of the chores and fix things, etc.. and my apparent reason for being a failure of a parent and husband.. is that I don't do enough. Enough time spent (working all the time to provide for kids in college, expensive house, etc). The flip side is.. she never considers the things she doesnt do any more.. and how it affects me. It's all about her. Always my fault. Never hers. Yah..I am…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:26 PM
13

Are you vaccinated? Wear a mask.. enter your home. Tell her you are coming in to get some stuff.. to clear out of the way if she is so worried. You are wearing a mask.. double mask even.. glasses, etc.. so that there is literally a fraction of a % that you could leave any covid IF you even had it..but..hey.. you been at parents house who do not have it.. and haven't been out around others. In no way can she now tell you you can't come in. It is your house. That's bullshit. At this point, years o…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 04:24 PM
2

Like OP said.. it is not a good fit for everyone. I find it hard.. when I decide to do that.. I always forget that I chose that path and continue to fight or be a good person and do things. I have a hard time just not talking/ignoring for days/etc. Some can do that well.. it bugs the shit out of me. Mostly I hide in my office and work or play video games or something as much as I can to avoid fighting.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 07:59 PM
1

Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 07:58 PM
3

Does she work? If so how much is she making.. if not.. why not.. and can she work (e.g. used to.. ).. if so what field? How long since she worked. If she doesn't work.. yah..that's going to be rough because you would owe a chunk in alimony AND child support. Ideally you would do 50/50 but that would mean you have to have a few extra rooms to support the kids too. Not saying this is good advice.. but you could just "close up".. e.g. live your life, take on other things to keep you away, and do th…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 12:43 AM
1

I mean.. I would miss her.. but it would be a fleeting feeling.. I would miss her because that is all I have known for 20+ years. It will take time to get over her not being around.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/21 03:16 AM
1

Honestly.. this has been many years and going on.. at some point.. I think its time to acknowledge we need to throw in the towel.. get on with our lives yah?
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/21 03:15 AM
1

thank you
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/21 03:14 AM
2

That's not fair to you though. If you both care/love your kids.. and the kids know it.. I think most of the time kids make out just fine. It's only in ugly divorce/custody battles and one parent brain washing the kids with lies that I have seen it not be ideal.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/21 09:22 PM
2

It's been this way for me for 15 years.. I didnt want to leave when the kids were young for various reasons.. mostly I wanted to be in their lives and was worried us divorcing would be a nightmare to deal with for them. Also.. having to pay alimony AND child support would have seriously meant living in my car at best.. or someone's couch.. and it didn't make sense to live worse than I was. Yah the daily fighting, etc sucked.. but I had a home, could usually be left alone, etc. Now.. now that my …
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/21 09:20 PM
3

This is pretty spot on.. and I feel like friends/family of the woman think the man is a pig/asshole/horrible person for feeling this way. Yet.. for most of us.. that is how we met right? Looked across a room.. saw a woman that was attractive, pretty, etc.. somehow another we met/talked/things took off. Not all of course. But myself and none of my friends that I ever hung out with.. and we were not the hottest/best looking guys either.. but none of us thought.. hey..that mostly unattractive woman…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/21 09:18 PM
3

My kids are almost adults as well.. I think besides never agreeing.. not really a partnership, etc.. I have no physical attraction to her.. and that won't ever change. Sex is pretty much non existent.. when it does happen. honestly I have no emotional attachment.. it's more about just getting my nut off.. as asshole as that sounds.. but that is more or less how I feel. It's not making love.. it's sex.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/21 09:12 PM
2

Damn.. I need to memorize those analogies.. those would be great words to say when it comes time to have the talk.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/21 09:10 PM
1

Thank you. You have been through a lot yourself. I hope one day to receive a card like that.. but like you said..that's not what I am doing it for.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 02:24 AM
2

Thank you for that. I agree with you.. and largely this is how I feel but as you no doubt felt (feel).. it is hard to let that go. I suspect there will always be this nagging feeling of I could have done more.. even if not allowed to by the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 08:12 PM
1

Yah.. 20+ years here.. my understanding is it is case by case.. and in our case..where STBX makes enough to live on on her own.. I would owe minimal (about 1K a month) based on me making 2x..but her making 4K or so a month + benefits/etc. The duration is unknown but would likely be a couple years or so as my STBX makes enough to live on her own comfortably.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 08:10 PM
1

I agree with you. I am in a similar (though not drugs/job) issue.. my STBX constantly blames me for everything.. and I am a big boy.. I can admit some things ARE my fault.. she can not. Everything is my fault. I did nothing to help with the kids..ever.. every failure of our marriage is me not trying, etc. I am literally so tired of that aspect alone that I want out. Yet.. I dont want to hurt her.. or have my kids angry with me for leaving. So I am torn on this damn thing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 08:07 PM
1

Some others have said it could help.. so unsure wth to go with now. lol
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 08:05 PM
1

I like what you said. My concern is my kid has gotten in to drugs/alcohol/wrong crowd (so to speak). I am trying to help.. try to stop that.. I know I cant prevent everything..they will be at school, etc.. and I work.. but my STBX ignores whats going on, doesn't care that our kid is vaping in the house, potentially having sex, etc.. just lets it all happen with no big deal attitude. I am worried something bad could happen.. and trying to prevent that..but in doing so I am the parent our kid hate…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 08:04 PM
1

My issue is I have taken on a second job to help US.. our kids in school, house issues, etc.. to try to pay off debt, etc.. we're still borderline not sure if we're going to get divorced or not.. so I hate the idea of not making more money right now to get everything fixed/ready to sell, out of debt, etc. As it is a 2nd temporary job.. I am hoping if we divorced next year, and I made 4x what she does.. that it is not assumed I make that much all the time. At some point I will be back to a single…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 08:02 PM
2

Exactly.. but with my own bad health issues.. I am not sure I can survive the next few years of misery and fighting, etc.. no joke. The stress now has me borderline death bed.. I can't imagine 3 to 4 years more of it daily. While trying to work, maintain home, etc. I am scared to be honest.. and while I want to do best for my kid.. I am also wanting to live/survive and thinking a little selfish too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 07:58 PM
2

Well.. unfortunately we haven't started down divorce path yet.. which I suspect would be 6 months at best.. to a year or longer.. and she might be fired in a couple weeks.. so.. I don't think I have a choice in this. :( However.. she would have to get another job or we're going to lose everything. We're in a spot where we need both our incomes to keep things going or we're going to be living in a car in a couple months.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 07:56 PM
1

It's a shit show either way. It sadly won't pay dividends until they are older.. 20s or later.. and they are mature enough to look back then and see why I fought for custody... but you are right.. until my child is on their own.. it's going to largely be bad. I am torn.. do I avoid the misery I am no doubt going to face for the next few years.. trying to "save" my child.. of which there is no guarantee I can even do that.. or do I let my child have their way, live with the ex.. see them every no…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 07:55 PM
3

This sounds like fantastic advice. I haven't gone down the path..but I know my wife is going to fight me forever as long as it takes. She has said as much.. that she will drain me of all my money (and hers) she doesn't care. Question.. is this process OP is going through largely due to kid custody? What if your kids are done/older (or none at all)? You just fight for alimony at that point yah? Which.. in California I believe is calculated.. so I am having a hard time understanding how my divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 07:50 PM
2

Why would I have to think twice before pulling that trigger? I ask only in the case where she got fired.. then says she has 0 income and they try to get 1/2 my take home because she got fired over something she knew would get her fired if caught..and she got caught. So I would think I should be able to counter that and avoid having to pay extra.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 05:11 AM
1

What is non-modifiable? Meaning it's basically calculated based on data.. and losing a job doesn't modify the outcome?
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 05:09 AM
1

OK..that makes more sense. I would imagine at 1/2 the length of marriage.. 10 years in your case give or take.. if she is capable of supporting herself.. there should be no reason you would have to continue to pay her. At least in California my understanding is that is how they would consider things. I am curious... if you know.. what if you were to move to another state? Does where the split/divorce happened reign over if you move to another state with different laws? I would assume it would, a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 04:49 PM
1

Where are you living? That can't be possible.. how the hell would any judge see you have on income, cant survive.. and then.. you finally get a little bit of relief.. and they take that too, and your ex is living the good life and you are living in a car.. how the fuck is that fair or makes sense anywhere. But specifically where are you that this has happened to you?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 07:30 PM
1

I'd like to ALSO ask.. if after divorce is final.. no child support.. just alimony.. if I take a job with more money.. can she still come after me? If so.. why? My understanding is that alimony is based on past pay stubs.. so unclear why (in California in this case) they can keep coming back to take more money. Especially if the money they make PLUS what alimony was agreed upon is plenty for her to live on. For example.. my STBXW makes about 4K a month. Plus has benefits, pension, 401K, etc. Whe…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 07:29 PM
1

So I think it depends on a lot of things for this to happen. In California where I am at.. my lawyer said that shit doesnt matter. Even if I cheated, or she cheated.. they don't care. They split assets in half, calculate child support and alimony based on wages, that's it. I am however seeing some friends/family go through painfully long expensive divorce, due to one of the party purposely taking forever to sign things and constantly trying to defame the other person. It's unreal how when one pe…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/21 04:34 AM
1

Agree with others.. sometimes divorce is better..especially for the kids. I know it was for my brother and I when we were young. I wish I had the balls and money to have done it for my own kids.. but I would have been literally living in my car after alimony/child support payments.. so I stuck it out..and now.. I have kids that are fucked up after seeing 15+ years of fighting, disrespect, name calling, etc. So you are doing the right thing in my opinion. I wish you the best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 06:53 PM
0

Damn. That is unreal. At least you can find a job with your background.. why did you retire at 46 though? That's young for a cop isn't it? I have a couple cop friends.. looking to retire around 55.. with like 70% of their pay I think.. after 30 or so years on the force.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 06:37 PM
-1

Brah.. I think you should retire to another country asap. Your anger is clear.. and it's not good.. not for your health. Get the hell out if you have that option.. find yourself a nice place to live/retire in where you can avoid anger over a Govt and worry about yourself. Life is too short.. not worth you popping an aneurism over. Stay safe.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 06:30 PM
1

So if I lose my job.. and am now making 120K less a year.. then I take it they will gladly accept that I can only make 50K on contract too.. right?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:34 AM
1

But as someone else said.. their is no way they are going to assume I am going to work 80 hour weeks.. or can they force it. My main job is 40 hours.. this contract adds 20 to 30 a week for a period of time. If I dont file for divorce till next year.. and the contract is only this year.. I am guessing that I am not doing it at the time of filing/finalization.. it would come across as short term boos of money and not continuous income stream.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:33 AM
1

If I was in divorce right now.. I would consider it. However this could lead to a job opportunity as well.. so I have that reason as well to work on this. Get a job while having a job is better than losing a decent paying job and trying to get another. I am kinda fucked in this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 04:30 AM
1

For sure.. their is one called sex over 30.. they have some good info on all sorts of positions, things to try, etc. :D I also feel like the lack of attraction has caused me to not perform as well.. I still get hard easily.. but it doesnt last long and I often can't finish any more. Which really sucks because then I am horny the rest of the day. FML!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/21 03:56 PM
3

For me.. it's less about finding someone and more honestly about whether or not I would be good enough in bed. Crazy as that sounds.. if it gets that far.. I am freaked out I am not good enough, last long enough, etc. Dead bedroom for so long.. the occasional quickie over the past few years has left me feeling less than adequate and eventually if I go through divorce.. scared shitless I wont be able to find/please a woman again. Crazy I know.. seems like just the act of dating, etc.. should be s…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/21 04:23 AM
1

I like the questions..but how do you ensure the lawyer you are asking..is honest? Are you somehow able to get info on all the cases they won, lost, etc and see how good they are? I would like to know this as well.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/21 01:15 AM
1

Oh man..that would be so cool if we could be ordered.. question is.. if you are ordered.. does that usually solve things.. or do you end up going back to court after? I would hope the purpose is to try to avoid court and solve it. Also curious..why/how were you ordered to do that.. or rather how was your wife forced in to doing that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 04:21 AM
1

Lucky you. Trying to get my STBXW to agree to mediation.. she flat out tells me to leave or file if I want out.. wont even discuss it. I am so pissed. We have an easy case if we went through mediation. Instead after almost 20 years of fighting/anger/etc.. she wants me to keep trying to change and get better.. despite years of her being angry all the time. Thankfully my daughters are mostly of age and no what is up. But she is so fucking stupid.. she would rather piss way 30K to 60K.. for the sam…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/21 12:30 AM
1

You are thinking of only your situation. Their aren't nearly enough details from OP about his marriage. It could have been over years ago.. emotionally both were done.. but stayed for kids, or some other reason.. and finally she filed.. so without more details.. maybe he was done processing years ago.. who knows. She filed.. what he does on his own time is none of her business.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:58 PM
1

I don't agree.. she filed for divorce.. not him.. she wanted out (maybe he did too).. so wtf purpose is her.. who filed.. now trying to build a case? It's only about money in this situation.. she is trying to build some case to make him look bad. If he cheated (and left that out).. and they are in an at fault state.. then I could see more reasoning behind it.. but if she filed, then he started dating.. that is his right, and no business of hers. The ONLY way this is a "lit match" is if the court…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:57 PM
1

Wait..back up.. SHE filed? And now SHE is asking for them? That seems like any normal person would look at her and say "Uh.. you filed.. why the hell do you care what he does.. you wanted out.. what he does is his business". It blows my mind how these things are even possible.. and I guess it's different from state to state, or even country. So she is basically trying to build a case against you to get more money out of you..that's about all this is.. money. Otherwise their is no value in her sp…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:53 PM
1

I thought in California the most one can move with kids if 400 miles away.. and anything further would require agreement by other spouse unless other mitigating circumstances existed. But with joint custody.. I would assume it has to be within a small range..e.g. 20 minutes or so from both parents for joint to work, otherwise I would guess custody would change? I am really curious about this. If you agreed to joint custody.. I would think the parent wanting to move..especially if its not conveni…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:50 PM
1

You got good answers.. basically you need to find another lawyer.. try to do a little work and fine one that is successful at evening the odds.. helping men out of being fucked. Second.. as others said.. talk to your lawyer about imputing her work capability. I have read MANY men who do this and say it's the best 5K they ever spent. Seems like it largely works in that it shows she can earn more.. so she is not entitled to most of you paycheck. Also..40%? Where did that come from? I have read.. i…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 04:04 PM
2

This is largely the sentiment I am hearing from ALL men who are getting divorced now. The system is so fucked against men..that no man wants to go through it again. Unless they are just stupid.. or sign some sort of prenup which even then.. just.. dont. Girlfriends are good enough.. or hell.. we got Tinder and shit these days for those hookups with no attachments.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 03:58 PM
1

As others said.. tell her you got a reduction in pay.. you can no longer afford the food/rent/etc alone. She HAS to get a job. Period. Get her to work somehow. Are your kids still young? Day care would ruin that option.. but if they are old enough and/or you can work out a schedule so one of you is home.. that would work. Even better.. if you work day time.. have her work a restaurant gig at night.. in fact.. if you really hope she cheats on you.. talk her in to working at a bar.. that way she c…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 03:56 PM
1

Right on. Thank you for all this. I may take you up on that DM/call. Really appreciate your info. :) Best to you and your family.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 11:42 PM
1

But if spouse doesnt want to file for divorce.. e.g. for some reason feels we should continue down the road.. even after 20+ years of anger/fighting/etc.. then I have to file to get the process started, right? If I file.. does that still go to mediation.. or does that now go to lawyers and court?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 08:03 PM
1

Kid is 16.. marriage 25 years.. but wife is making enough now part time to afford a small apartment.. or if we sell our house.. could put the amount returned (about 100K or so) down on a small home and afford mortgage. Cars are paid off. No CC debt. No school loans. Just house and monthly expenses. But I make about 2x more than her as I work full time, she works part time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 08:01 PM
1

So.. if I meet a lawyer for a consult.. that is ok.. yah? But if we do mediation.. then I wouldn't likely use a lawyer? How does mediation end up getting started? Does one of us file for divorce.. and then the next step is mediation.. or we both have to agree to that or what?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 03:50 PM
1

I see no reason why we can't do that.. I would be all for that. It would only be her trying to screw me over.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 03:13 PM
1

Interesting on the 1/3 of difference. I hope that is accurate.. because if she can work full time.. she makes as much as me.. hopefully that means I would pay nothing. I would be fine with 50/50 custody.. in fact unless she tries to screw me over.. that is what I would ask for even though my kid wants to live with me and hates my wife more or less. I am in California.. southern.. not sure it matters north vs south or not.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/21 03:09 PM
2

That makes no sense.. so what you take home after taxes/etc is not considered.. the amount you actually live on.. instead they look at gross? Do they account for medical/dental benefit costs.. because my company is small.. I have to pay 600 a month out of money after taxes.. but my wife's is free (she is in medical) so she gets easily a $1K or more medical/dental package per month.. for free. That seems highly unfair if they ignore that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/21 01:06 AM
2

Very similar situation.. I am unclear how one person over the other can say "I am keeping the house" when it's a marital property.. it has to be evenly split (usually anyway.. obviously their are circumstances that could alter that). If that is the case... the problem I have and I suspect OP has too.. is the house could fetch a LOT more money than it's valued at. Market rate.. but then the bidding that's going on all over the country right now.. will add 50K, 100K or more. I know exactly what my…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 03:00 PM
1

And.. what has come of it (though you said not in court yet..) anything? Or waiting on court to figure out if anything at all comes of it?
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 12:24 AM
1

So.. if she spends on eating out, buying drinks at about $30 every few days.. to total a few hundred in a month.. and I spend a couple hundred on say something for me.. a tool or something.. from my own account, when we disclose stuff. is that going to be used against me.. that I spent a few hundred here and there.. from an account she didnt know about? I ask because generally I use our joint CC and she gets mad at me for spending.. though I pay it off every month. If I move that spending to a s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 05:07 PM
3

Oohh..this stupid "emotional abuse" line has me so angry. WTF?... when did this become a "thing".. more so.. when the hell did the law system allow it to become a legal fight.. in as much as allowing the women (mostly) to get the better settlement..the guy screwed over.. because some how the woman says emotional abuse. What? So.. if that is allowed, I can turn around and say the same thing right? My wife uses this at me all the damn time. Says I flirted with people and left our relationship year…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 05:02 PM
3

Or to your other point..their support system convinces them to do so. I think it's a combo of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 04:54 PM
1

Thanks for posting as well. I think it is invaluable for men to know that their are many women who feel as they do.. don't want war, don't hate them.. understand some people just aren't meant to go the distance, and amicably resolve the marriage fairly. It happens.. I have a few friends that have all had amicable divorces.. and one family member going through an all out war and is 80K in to a year long divorce that isn't even close to being resolved. It is just unreal to me how some people will …
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/21 04:53 PM
1

You think I am trying to steal? Steal what exactly? Not sure if this was meant for me or in response to another.. but just in case.. my thought of having my own separate account without her knowing right now is that every single time for the past year or longer I have brought it up.. she blows up, tells me to pack my shit and leave, divorce her now, etc. I have been trying to figure out if what we have is worth saving after 20 years. So I try to avoid things that might cause blow outs right now.…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 04:46 PM
1

Interesting enough.. my STBXW has better credit and most things including CC and house are in her name. I am not an asshole.. my understanding is most guys are not.. but most women in divorce fuck the guy over.. that said.. I wouldn't fuck her over and make her pay all debt.. I would pay my fair share because I am not that kind of person. Even so.. we have no debt but the house. We refinanced a year ago and paid off cars, CCs, etc.. and we pay our CCs off each month in full.. so I think in terms…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 04:33 PM
1

Gavron Warning Never heard of that.. I do hope that with her able to earn as much if not more than me if she works full time, that this would be issued and she has like a year or two.. we been married > 10 years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 04:11 PM
1

She can run it up.. but we would pay it with joint money. I would take my money that normally pays for ALL bills, and she would now have to pay half of all bills from her paychecks.. including CC. But I understand what you are saying.. definitely going to be one of the first things I do when I file.. is get my name off of any joint stuff and have my own stuff established.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/21 04:29 AM
1

Right..I figured as much.. but if I am the parent/owner of the place, and they are just staying their.. including possibly 18 year old coming just to be around in evening for 16 year old.. wasn't sure if that is considered allowed or not, especially if I am 80/20 primary custody holder.. if ex could try to argue I am not around so she should get custody to avoid paying custody fees.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/21 11:18 PM
1

Kids..yes.. but older. one < 18. I actually only want a few things.. some of which were mine via inheritance of grandparents.. I assume those are mine no matter what.. just like anything she got from family/inheritance should be hers. I would say my tech/tools/etc stuff is equivalent to her jewelry, paintings, couches/furniture, dishes, diff in car, etc. I would largely think other than the house and any retirement we have, we would break even on belongings. That is what I think. She might think…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/21 09:12 PM
1

Lawyers. Naturally.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/21 09:06 PM
1

Fawk..that sucks ass man. SOrry for you. I don't understand why some people do this. They are so angry/narcissistic.. that they dont care about all that money. Later.. I have to believe when they are struggling.. if they are.. they must feel so stupid realizing all of that anger for a year or two.. resulted in nothing gained, and utter unhappiness. It's so sad.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/21 11:42 PM
1

Damn.. that's even worse than the guy in 2 years 150K. You must be millionaires to have those kind of fees..and why? Why is it costing this much? Do you talk to lawyers every few days? Or are they charging like 10K a week or something to talk to you on the phone for an hour? That is just nuts!
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/21 08:20 PM
1

150K in two years? Damn.. you must make a ton then to afford that much. That is nuts! How the hell do either of you afford to survive after all those costs. I do NOT get why either person wants to waste that much money. My wife is similar.. she will have no problem with losing every last penny.. if it means she fucked me over royally.. that would be her goal.. to screw me out of every possible bit of life I have left.. it's really sad people think like this. I want her to find happiness.. find t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/21 08:19 PM
1

So in the case of the house.. if it could sell for 100K more than the appraisal.. doesn't it make sense to sell it? Otherwise.. if she buys me out for the house appraisal half.. and then sells it a month later.. she makes 100K in profit.. I get none of that. That's bullshit. I don't agree to that. I think one response was put it on the market.. get bids.. and then based on bids she can buy me out of the bid price or sell. Isn't that more sensible right now with the market?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 02:54 AM
1

The problem is.. market value is right now..with allt he bidding going on, about 10% to 20% below what we could sell it for.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 01:23 AM
1

Well.. I have read a lot of good divorces in Cali, including some friends.. most those were amicable, kids were older are non-existent. In our case we have one kid < 18 (2 years to go), no debt other than house, money in the bank. My offer to her was simple.. you keep your stuff, I keep mine.. it is roughly the same value with hers being a bit more than mine. The one thing I am unsure of is if the courts will account for her only working part time.. but she could go full time and make more in sa…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 01:20 AM
2

I could only wish for ours to go this way.. if not smoother. I offered her to keep everything in house, tvs.. kitchen stuff, etc.. we just need to fix up home a bit, then sell it since we are likely going to see 100K or more over initial market price (several homes around us have all gone nuts with bids and gone 50K to 150K over asking price). We have about 30K or so of work to do though.. e.g. old carpets, some shit to fix up, painting, etc. I am hoping we can solve all that in the next few mon…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 01:17 AM
1

I thought you can assess every time there is a change? If I make 200K now, but lost my job, 5 months later finally take a job similar work but for 100K, in no way should I still be expected to pay what I used to.. I couldn't even afford it. Which means I would be in a permanent position of debt that I could never climb out of. That can't be right. I gotta believe he could find new lawyers, etc.. and change this outcome. Honestly I would think a lot of people would just end it all if they basical…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/21 03:28 AM
2

22 years married.. but a friend of mine who went through divorce 2 years ago, married 17, wife didnt work, he made I think he said around 160K a year, in Cali, only pays a little over 1K a month for up to 3 years or until she is able to be back full time to work. I haven't talked to him in a bit over a year so not sure how that turned out, but that is why I am so confused. He was in Cali too. So I see/read/hear some get screwed royally and some barely pay anything. It seems all over the map and …
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/21 10:00 PM
1

So I guess I should get those videos of her throwing shit at me and losing her shit with the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/21 05:48 AM
1

How was it possible she pull a restraining order against you? In one day no less? Do you have some record or something that she was able to use to get this? It can't be possible that she can just go get a restraining order unless you attacked her or have some background that might indicate you could?
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/21 06:54 AM
1

This makes no sense at all. How the hell can they force you to pay more than half of your take home.. let alone so much more that you dont have enough to live. That's bullshit. She should have to get a job and at least allow you to have 2/3 of your take home. Fucking bullshit. What state.. or country is this in?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/21 05:51 AM
1

Hmm.. so you have 50/50, but shes with you 90%.. does that mean your ex has to pay some support? Or you agreed on 50/50 so no support.. but she still stays with you 90% of time?
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/21 05:35 AM
1

So if we live for 30 more years.. or longer.. how does it make sense I would have to pay that long? Like.. I don't understand how a judge says "Yah.. you pay 2K a month..for life.. and if that is 40 years more.. you basically have paid 1mil to her..". I don't see how the hell that makes any sense.. regardless of marriage duration. If she is capable of working full time and making more than me.. why is it allowed that she gets to work part time for life while I pay the difference? How about I wor…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/21 07:28 PM
1

Thank you for that. :) Yah.. I am in CA (California right.. some use it for Canada lol) as well. I am still trying to determine if she is able to work full time (but works part time now) and would make as much (more actually with her benefits package, retirement, etc) than I do.. if I would have to pay alimony because she works part time, and how long that might be required (been married 20 years now). I assume that is different in every case though, not some clear cut answer for that?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/21 04:45 PM
1

Can you explain what you mean by venue? If my SBXW and I are in the house still.. and one of us files.. but neither of us can move out/away.. is that allowed and/or affects venue? I am guessing venue means if I move 200 miles away.. one of us would have to travel? Not sure why though since at least right now seems everything is done via zoom calls? Also.. not trying to hijack the OP topic, but if someone files first.. and the other has 30 days.. what if that person doesn't have the money for a l…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/21 06:07 AM
1

I hear you.. but its fucking difficult when you work at home all day every day and constantly being interrupted by her bullshit.. makes it hard to keep a job and get shit done. Literally affecting my job.. and if I lose that, I am fucked royally as it is very difficult to get a job right now. And she dont make nearly enough to offset anything I make. She doesnt make nearly enough to offset me losing my job.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 06:19 PM
2

Is there any way your wife could talk to mine and convince her of the same? I do NOT get why.. if we both know its over.. why she is so angry that she wants to purposely drag it out and waste 50K or more on lawyer fees. I even told her we sell house, she can have just about everything.. the good car, all the furniture/dishes/etc. I only want my tech/weights stuff, and inheritance stuff.. that's it. I will buy myself a new bed, new couch, new TV, etc. I am fine with that. I don't know what one ge…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 05:53 PM
1

I have read that more often than not. However.. what if living there is destructive? Big blow outs, lots of cussing/yelling. Not good for either of our health both having high blood pressure. Definitely not good for kids.. though only one left < 18 and they have seen it their whole life anyway.. so it's not anything new sadly. I just figured moving out to avoid the daily fighting/craziness that results in destruction, tempers lost, etc.. would keep on escalating things rather than potentially re…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 05:50 PM
1

Sounds like you are doing the right thing. Good on you. Hope it all works out for you!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 05:48 PM
1

So my < 18 kid wants to go with me.. I think. She has said as much a few times.. her and mom do not get along at all most of the time. I would swap child support for alimony for the 2 years she has left till 18/done with HS in a second.. not sure it's the same amount.. but because my STBXW makes decent money already, I would assume my alimony wouldn't be that much.. though I make 2x as much.. so not sure if they will still require me to give her more than she really needs just because I make mor…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 06:39 PM
1

Cali? I think so.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 06:35 PM
2

I do have a camera in the house that records our family area (truly not meant to record us.. was purely so when we were not around and kids were home we could at least check on the family/kitchen area.. and also if anyone were to break in. 24/7 recording (have 14TB recording system for 7 cameras.. 6 outside.. so about 60 days worth of 24/7). Not sure if I could use that or not. She is VERY good at remembering everything.. and I am one of those guys that 3 minutes after a fight I am ready to be c…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 06:34 PM
1

Man.. I haven't filed yet.. trying to figure out the house.. and worried about how much alimony/etc I am going to have to pay. Really not liking the idea of 1/2 my check going to her so she can live in a nice home while I live in a studio apartment. I dont think that's fair, especially if she can earn as much if not more than me. Also.. no infidelity, though she keeps on insinuating that me talking to women (but guys also.. ) online is emotional cheating and that she'll use that against me. I do…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 08:53 AM
1

See.. your story scares the shit out of me. How the hell did you get so fucked over? Did you cheat? Did she have others testify against you? Like.. I am in a similar situation.. kind of.. I dont really call it abuse but she throws shit at me sometimes in anger or hits me.. which honestly doesn't hurt.. but still.. the act. But she has on a few occasions pushed me and fell back and claimed I pushed her. I guarantee this is going to come up when we go through divorce. She'll make all this shit up.…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 08:45 AM
1

I keep seeing people say this. I am in a similar predicament.. my wife says she wont sell the house.. I tell her we should go our separate ways and sell the house. I would actually need the 1/2 of the sale to make it for a while including to pay rent, etc. First.. if she somehow is able to come up with the money to buy me out.. but I don't want to (for various reasons.. I would rather the house be sold than let her have it)... can that be a forced thing that the house has to be sold? Or would a …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 08:19 AM
1

Who are you to say what is a lame excuse or not? You may not like or agree with why I do what I do, but that's just your opinion. Your response contributed nothing, why bother.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/21 07:19 AM
3

Man do I sympathize with you. But my fighting/disagreements been 20 years.. or more.. and have been so much worse the past 4 or so.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 09:00 PM
1

Sadly, other than bathroom anxiety issues (have bad stomach issues if I dont each right/drink right.. and HATE public bathrooms/shared bathrooms or NOT being able to get to one if I gotta go).. money is my primary driving factor in life. Honestly once I have enough to do alright.. it wont be as much..but I have always lived check to check (mostly) and I do have some spending habits.. but not crazy. It's tough to live this way for so long and then somehow change it. Short of being forced to due t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 06:25 AM
2

How the hell could it be 3000 a month + 1200 for child support? That is 4200 a month.. you must make about 15K+ a month take home.. or you live in an area that doesnt care if you live out of a card board box as long as your wife lives good.. which would be utter bullshit. My understanding is even in California where its about the hardest (or sometiems best.. depending on situation) place for divorce.. they cant make it so you can barely survive while your ex lives comfortably. Also.. if you lose…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 05:35 AM
3

So are you stuck still.. or finally got out? Sorry to hear that. I worry too if my wife suffered a debilitating medical issue.. she has super high BP and always worry about a stroke that could make it impossible for her to be on her own without help. Apparently.. I once posted about this using another account..got downvoted over 1000 times.. becuase I said.. would I be the asshole for still leaving. Everybody there said yes.. like.. wtf? Unhappy marriage for > decade.. already in process to leav…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 03:27 AM
2

Maybe.. not sure as we share many friends.. so not sure who will side with who or what not. Unknown. Got family, some friends of my own, etc. Honestly it is largely money and my kids that I worry about.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 02:51 AM
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