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wrice05 Archive

View 46 posts and 722 comments by wrice05 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1522

LESSON LEARNEDwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:39 PM
1447

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 02:42 PM
1205

RANTwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 07:15 PM
1130

LEVEL UPwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:29 PM
788

LEVEL UPwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:41 PM
754

wrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 02:10 PM
645

STRATEGYwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 02:23 PM
586

RANTwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 08:23 PM
560

NICE FOR WHAT?wrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:02 PM
556

SNATCH THEM COINSwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 08:46 PM
487

SHOWER THOUGHTwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 01:37 PM
487

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 04:20 PM
470

wrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 04:15 PM
451

REMINDER 👑wrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 02:32 PM
427

COUCH CREATURESwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 12:53 PM
406

CULTURAL MISOGYNYwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 05:58 PM
395

CULTURAL MISOGYNYwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 08:45 PM
387

MINDSET SHIFTwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:06 PM
350

FDS HUMORwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 01:34 PM
346

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 02:42 PM
335

LEVEL UPwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 01:55 PM
331

wrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 07:56 PM
330

#JustLVMThingswrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 07:01 PM
310

SNATCH THEM COINSwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 03:15 PM
300

STRATEGYwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 07:15 PM
282

CULTURAL MISOGYNYwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 12:50 PM
268

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 08:42 PM
265

Story time ☕wrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:39 PM
248

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 12:58 PM
240

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 03:34 AM
212

Story time ☕wrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:34 PM
190

RANTwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:57 PM
190

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 03:53 PM
188

ROAST-A-SCROTEwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 11:29 PM
181

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 10:43 PM
181

LIES MEN TELLwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 07:08 PM
175

RANTwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 02:46 PM
161

REMINDER 👑wrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 03:07 PM
158

CULTURAL MISOGYNYwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 01:28 PM
103

QUEEN SH*Twrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 01:53 AM
88

STRATEGYwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 09:04 PM
84

STRATEGYwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 09:28 PM
67

MINDSET SHIFTwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 03:13 PM
34

MINDSET SHIFTwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 07:34 PM
29

GLOBAL RESISTANCEwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:28 PM
6

DISCUSSIONwrice05/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 01:35 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
23

The overdiagnosing of narcissism from Lilith is almost becoming a trope at this point. I'm half expecting to hear, "This man ordered ice cream from the ice cream tru--" "NARCISSIST! PATTERN RECOGNITION!" Love Lilith's perspective but at times she's compromising her authority with the over-reliance on narcissism to explain everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 11:57 AM
20

Definitely agree and have noticed this as well. More Savannah, please! Balance the triad!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 11:53 AM
428

Poor Marylin. She got one hell of a raw deal from the world, and all her beauty didn't save her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 04:16 PM
45

I know, anyone else get "congratulate me for being a male feminist!" vibes from this article? It also seemed oddly bare minimum civilized behavior and expecting a medal for writing this groundbreaking article...?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 12:10 PM
87

Often what we're doing with a crush is using those happy, giddy feelings to get through the day. Every job, even ones we enjoy, has tedious moments, and working as a nurse is emotionally and physically demanding. Having a crush at work is like having a built-in Netflix binge or pint of ice cream at work--it's literally a chemical hit that you are training yourself to crave and using to smooth out your workday. You have to approach it with the seriousness of a potentially developing addiction, be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 12:03 PM
17

Ha, good point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 01:02 PM
76

That and that she has one thing to herself, for herself, that doesn't directly cater to his gaze and his desires. Can't allow that! ugh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 12:03 PM
157

Also want to point out that this can cut both ways. The article talks about profligate secret spending, but some men will rack up thousands and thousands of dollars in savings that they hide from their partners in retirement vehicles that she cannot access or benefit from--another hidden cost of being a forever girlfriend, and more proof that marriage is not a piece of paper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 04:03 PM
367

Honestly it hurts more when they almost get it and then fail the last gate. The only thing he can't get on board with is the quiz on the ethics of the porn industry, which should "never see the light of day." So close to learning how to be high value, but can't cross the finish line. This dude's mom should win a Nobel Prize and her course should replace middle school health class puberty lessons for all boys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 09:02 PM
13

Right, and "actions speak louder than words" and "if he wanted to, he would" apply here as well. If he's so "spiritual," his actions better damn well back it up. What's his spiritual practice? Does he do it when people aren't looking or only in full view of the world? Does he pray/do yoga/meditate etc on the regular in a serious, dedicated way? Is he an actual contributing member of a spiritual community, including financially? How many hours of volunteer work is he putting in a week? I have les…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 10:17 PM
172

Key Quote-a-Scrote: "I felt like monogamy would deny me something of myself." My heart breaks 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 01:29 PM
9

I've said it before and I'll say it again: therapy is no substitute for morality. All the therapy in the world won't create an ethical worldview and moral commitments to treat others with empathy and respect. It will just give them more sophisticated language to justify their atrocious treatment of others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 01:42 PM
3

They'd never let kid aliens be exposed to this kind of sh*t
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 10:22 PM
23

This!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 07:28 PM
35

If you’re new to financial literacy, start with Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover. Once you’ve mastered his Baby Steps, look into FI/RE (Financial Independence/ Retire Early to learn the simple low-cost investing practices that are all you need to succeed. You can do it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 12:28 AM
41

Keep going, Queen, you’re killing it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 12:26 AM
4

Same. This was so painful to read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 01:56 AM
2

That last sentence is the truest thing I've ever read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 01:43 AM
36

This is important and worth talking about more on FDS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 01:44 PM
48

Right? "Hard to get emotionally" is like "in-demand has-been" or "fresh and clean garbage." It implies men want our emotional selves, and generally they don't--they disregard them at best and destroy them at worst. She's doing him a favor (in his eyes). She's withholding what he already doesn't want. I'm sure he hasn't even noticed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 01:06 PM
126

That is brutal, I'm so sorry you went through that. What a scumbag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 11:50 AM
2

This is my nightmare come to life. Now that I have learned financial literacy and gotten my sh*t together, like hell will I let some man jeopardize all my hard work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 01:12 PM
208

Happened to my little sis--botched episiotomy and multiple other complications and she genuinely is disfigured plus bonus incontinence. But my brother-in-law is a HVM and dotes on her. I don't know the details of their intimate life, obv, but I can see they're happy and love their little boy and have a great life together. Step it up, men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 12:50 PM
302

No one with actual self-respect and confidence has to work this hard to prove it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 12:16 PM
83

And one of the most awful things about this is how hard the men in the situation were passive bystanders. The shooter herded the women all over to one side of the room, and when he ordered the men to leave the classroom so he could shoot the women, they filed out docilely. I mean, I can't imagine how hard it would have been to stand up and stop this from happening, but you don't get to call yourself "The Protectors" if the average man, as represented by this group, makes literally no effort to s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 12:59 PM
2

Jane Eyre is an OG FDSer in my opinion
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 01:05 AM
30

Every now and then I read an FDS post that triggers what I call "Ultimate Disappointment" in me. Reading all these LVM being LVM in technicolor in so many different ways took me right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 12:36 PM
10

Exactly. I do pre-marital counseling and we hit every single one of these. I can predict with a high degree of certainty whether the marriage will last based on what degree of pikachu surprise face, i.e. "we've never talked about any of this, we just like to play house," I get when I bring these topics up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 05:39 PM
5

Hard agree. Not interested in becoming as dickish as they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 01:44 PM
42

ngl I love this energy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:51 PM
7

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 03:41 PM
73

manslation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 12:09 PM
19

100%. That's what I'll do if I ever get married
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 12:10 PM
56

My heart grew three sizes just watching that video
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 12:30 PM
54

This happened to my grandma. She worked in a B-2 bomber plant--a full on Rosie the Riveter serving her country--and then at a shoe factory. When the men came home they fired her because "a man needed the job." No, she needed the job. She was raising four kids with her sister-in-law because her husband (my grandpa) was in prison. She was tough as all hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 11:42 AM
1

preach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 04:41 PM
18

This is exactly how and why women's monastic communities flourished for centuries both in the East and in the West. Tons of women being like, "I'm done, mofos, Imma go hang with my girls and God. Peace out."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 01:14 PM
6

vagabond praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 01:02 PM
8

Okay, this was hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 12:40 PM
3

me tooooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 04:55 PM
6

They absolutely can control their sex drive. Look at the generations of monks for literally thousands of years in both Eastern and Western religious traditions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 04:54 PM
18

Seeing the Cool Girl Monologue on FDS was a huge part of my FDS awakening. Legit it should be in the handbook. Someone asked Anne Hathaway what her favorite romantic comedy is and she said Gone Girl and I was like, same, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 01:14 PM
21

I came in after searching for "how to get over a crush" or somesuch. I was so unhappy after ending up in two situationships in a row but I didn't understand how or why it kept happening. I didn't KNOW I was a Pickme. I kept auditioning for these men because that was what I had been taught. I kept performing patriarchy-sanctioned femininity as hard as I possibly could thinking I should and could win them over into treating me with reciprocal care and respect. We talk down on Pickmes at times (and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 01:08 PM
50

Could we NSFW that second picture? Thx!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 12:24 PM
207

Abuse is incentivized because scrotes can get a refund if they're blocked. Unconscionable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 12:52 PM
11

oh, dang girl, I just got accused by reading that club title, I think I'm in it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 12:38 PM
179

def would swipe right
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 12:32 PM
28

So well said! Amen to all of this! I am not the LEAST bit worried that most women, let alone FDS women, are going to be delusional about who they are likely to attract or what they need to be doing to bring value to a man's life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 08:37 PM
45

I remember as my circle of girlfriends in grad school coalesced, the first time I met their husbands, I was like, "WHAT? You're amazing, why did you marry down?" None of those dudes were attractive and many of them lacked ambition. Ten years later it's still playing itself out and it makes me sad and grateful to have not compromised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 01:03 PM
28

I found it very helpful, and also worth thinking about in my own spiritual life and how it functions for good and for ill. Thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 07:32 PM
94

Exactly. This man has developed himself a Grade A gambling addiction in pandemic and he needs to wake up and get sober from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 01:42 PM
3

Heyo! love it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 03:46 PM
6

This is an important insight!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 03:36 PM
34

I come back to this article about every six months and it always says something new to me. This article is for anyone who has been damaged by diet culture and beauty norms —i.e. all of us. Read this Queen’s journey into the fullness of her reign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 02:13 AM
6

praise God I snorted with joy seeing this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 01:32 PM
84

I officiate weddings and I eventually had to start a hardline policy that the wedding does not go on if anyone in the wedding party is intoxicated. You are either making or witnessing legal (and in my tradition spiritual) vows, and we don't do that drunk. Do what you want at the reception, but FFS hold it together long enough to get through the ceremony. It's always trash ass groomsboys I'm having to kick out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 06:36 PM
28

Also super revealing that with both the husband and the dad video, it cuts across all cultures, ages/length of relationships, and backgrounds. No women are being treated right
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 02:09 PM
16

It was normalized back in the day-- Boston marriage for the win!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 01:30 PM
8

Preach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 10:24 PM
18

I said, “Hey, man, can’t you see she’s uncomfortable? You need to back off.” Polite, but firm. And that’s all it took (fortunately)!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 10:13 PM
75

Also I love that FDS has opened my eyes to constantly be looking for opportunities to help other women. I was on a cross-country train trip last week and a scrote started harassing a young woman on the train. I shut that shit down fast and made him leave her alone--felt so good. It's not like I wouldn't have done it before FDS, but I'm being more intentional about not letting a single opportunity pass me by now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 12:46 PM
23

This is huge. It's always been so irritating to see men rejecting women who are actually, legitimately interested in them that these same men would identify as objectively hot. And you're right, it's this mentality of "I won't enjoy this unless I take it from you." I swear they seem irredeemable sometimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 11:09 AM
54

Right? Didn't "body count" originally refer to how many people had died in a violent encounter?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 10:56 AM
1

Right? he's lovely but for some reason his wee Vespa made me laugh so hard!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 08:18 PM
2

Loved this! Also at the end was like, "how did all those dudes not crash into each other in the water with so many of them diving one after another so fast?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:47 PM
56

Holy Lord, the horrible accuracy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 03:08 PM
5

Okay, does anyone ever get the thing where you're like, "this man is objectively attractive, but I'm not attracted to him"? That keeps happening to me with FineAF Fridays. I think the nuclear level reality check of FDS has killed my attraction to men---and God's honest truth I don't miss it too much! I'm probably safer and better off without it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 08:58 PM
4

It also activates "gambler's brain." You keep pulling the slot because you're sure that you're the lucky one who's going to win the jackpot. Your brain will not accept the abysmal odds because of optimism bias.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 05:02 PM
6

Omg my brain read "connections formed in prison" and I was like girl you're not wrong lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 05:00 PM
42

That last sentence--so important!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 04:22 PM
9

Exactly! I always thought Shia La Beouf looked like a q-tip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 11:07 AM
539

Violence against women is the most consistently upheld tradition in every society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:22 PM
38

and honestly that's a stretch
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 02:41 PM
3

Oh that's tragic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 02:40 PM
166

Glad to see this post. Sometimes FDS comes across as unintentionally alienating to women who aren't drowning in male attention because they don't fit conventional beauty standards. There are tons of women on FDS whose reality is having to beat men off with a stick, and there are tons of women on FDS who are treated as invisible by men. Both experiences are dehumanizing, but I think the "constant male attention" experience tends to be louder on FDS because there is perceived shame in the "invisib…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 06:51 PM
7

well this was ludicrous from front to back
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 06:00 PM
3

Another way to say it: "The unmotivated are invulnerable to insight." --Edwin Friedman
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 12:59 PM
3

Honestly this was one of the strangest things I've ever read. They really think like this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:30 PM
4

Yeah, asking for money doesn't quite jive with my image of a HVW, could be wrong
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 06:03 PM
5

Ha! Just made me realize that conventional dating and marriage is just like those awful school group projects where half the group does all the work. No thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 06:02 PM
10

I did exactly this in the pandemic--my bedroom, office, and guestroom, in an old Victorian. It's glorious. I don't feel like it's too much space at all--I use every bit of it and I love it here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 11:44 AM
4

"I'm more powerful and thriving when I'm single." This is so true for me too, but I didn't know how to articulate it! Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 01:00 PM
2

God, me too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 12:56 PM
6

Can you say more about this? From the US, and you're right, they're used interchangeably here. Would love to hear more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 12:23 PM
9

Right? Legit this is one of the most disturbing pictures I've ever seen. I'm beyond weirded out here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 05:16 PM
9

lord
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 05:07 PM
12

Exactly--your current decor is a means to an end, it's helping you level up in multiple important ways. With them it's sheer laziness and grossness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 05:07 PM
10

Imagine that being your highest aspiration for your living space. What even is the point of striving for anything past the basic hierarchy of needs if not to beautify your life and the lives of others around you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 05:03 PM
3

Right? that phrase in her story "my weight loss journey" makes me want to die
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 04:17 PM
21

praise also love being able to yawn freely even right in the middle of a conversation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 04:00 PM
20

And it's not like there aren't well-known cultural expectations for these holidays. They don't have to search out some mysterious secret lore for what to do. Like you said, flowers and breakfast in bed--everyone knows that, and every woman would be grateful and happy to receive that if it were sincerely given. Even if breakfast/flowers would not be her jam, he should know her well enough to know she would prefer hiking and a piece of jewelry, or whatever. It's NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. Just laziness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 03:35 PM
7

"The unmotivated are invulnerable to insight." --Edwin Friedman
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 03:24 PM
6

Good dancer and serious about self-improvement
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:23 PM
4

That whole story is sexy AF, get it, girl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:21 PM
14

This can be super insidious. I've had guys remember minute details of things I've said and then bring them back up, and then I think, "Wow! He really remembers what I say! He's different!" But then they don't remember and just straight up ignore what I say when it would require him to do literally anything that he doesn't want to. My last situationship brought up things from our first conversation 2 years prior, but when I asked him twice to please respect my time by not being a half hour or mor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:15 PM
9

preach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 03:12 PM
6

Def an angry prude right here, y'all, join the team and steamroll right down the street with us
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:45 PM
7

Right, that's the thing--I thought I had heard that making eye contact was a good thing in terms of keeping ourselves safe physically? Idk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:43 PM
7

"Almost married" is as bad as "almost girlfriend" for which I have regrettably fallen pre-FDS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:47 PM
38

I'm from Kansas City and we don't want him. Stay in Punxsutawney, punk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:14 PM
123

grade A manslation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:11 PM
3

Hot dang. How cool! Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 10:26 PM
4

This is brilliant! Thank you so much, I will reflect on this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 10:25 PM
1

My job has a broad, intentionally vague "conduct unbecoming" clause and I don't test it. Bet I'm not the only one whose contract has language like this, it's worth checking into for everyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:43 PM
1

This
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:30 PM
3

more logistical labor foisted off on us
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:51 PM
23

Also makes me realize how desperate/ill/having horrifying symptoms they must be before they cave in and actually seek help. Which means there are scores of men out there not desperate enough yet but definitely infected and infectious. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 12:47 PM
288

The one that got me was the demand for a full-on RESEARCH PROJECT of OTHER WOMEN'S NUDES to find anatomy that looked similar to her. You have GOT to be kidding me. Like, let me footnote and annotate that shit right over to you, dude (puke)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:49 PM
8

Exactly, men use language or the withholding thereof to control women all the time. They keep you waiting on "I want to take you out" or "will you be my girlfriend?" or "I love you" or "will you marry me?" Women's entire LIVES are controlled by waiting for certain words from men, if they let it happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 01:01 PM
12

" All long-term relationships take work, but we forget how much of the “boy meets girl, the end” model is predicated on deeply unhappy people staying in terrible relationships and women tolerating domestic abuse." Author sums it up right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 12:40 PM
27

Don't give anyone any ideas, there are some dark corners of Etsy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 12:14 PM
49

Unless she's been doing all that already as a live-in girlfriend
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 07:17 PM
118

As I've seen echoed elsewhere on this site, men are 100% depreciating assets. And I don't have time for depreciating assets in my portfolio. *dusts hands*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 07:14 PM
3

If that doesn't sum it up right there
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 03:11 PM
2

Holy Lord. I'm so sorry, but glad you're out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 03:28 PM
3

THANK you, that is nothing but succinct truth right there
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 03:26 PM
4

Right? my heart breaks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:59 PM
24

you had one job
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:54 PM
3

Ha! I love it #transparent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:54 PM
4

i love an FDS story that gives me a tingle in my jingle
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:53 PM
10

Well they can stay jealous. The women in my life deserve my exquisite care for them because A. they're lovely and B. THEY RECIPROCATE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:21 PM
4

Can I say how sad it makes me that there's a ready-made, extremely current rape situation in every country that makes it so easy to ask these questions literally everywhere
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:14 PM
6

The number of yee-haws POINTLESSLY revving their engines up and down my street every night is starting to severely try my patience. Like do they not understand that my immediate assumption about anyone who does that is that he has a small dick and is trying to compensate with his oh-so-manly car/motorcycle?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:09 PM
9

Yep, re-entry is going to be a challenge in a lot of ways. And I agree, there's a difference between extending grace towards ourselves and everyone else for having been through hell of varying degrees over the past year, and just giving up on self-improvement and recovery from a tough year entirely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:06 PM
25

Back in the day it was expected that the woman would turn a man down the first few times he proposed. He had to prove he really wanted it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 12:38 PM
31

praise mushroom cloud commence
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 12:30 PM
22

Exactly. And that access has been ubiquitous and damn near completely socially acceptable for what, 10-15 years? That's one hell of an entrenched addiction at this point, no matter the addict's age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 12:12 PM
4

Exactly my thought--OnlyFans is the MLM of the Porn Age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 05:08 PM
4

I've yet to come across a man that I didn't have to compromise for This is IT. How many times have you said to yourself, "well, I can make this work"? That has become my new internal red flag. If I think that ONCE, I need to have the self-discipline and self-respect to get out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 03:19 PM
4

I shouldn't laugh but I totally am
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 03:16 PM
4

This voice is so real and so important. I was with him when I got the call that my little sister had collapsed and was unresponsive and in an ambulance on the way to the hospital and his attitude was, "okay, well, next." Zero compassion or support. And I heard the voice inside say so clearly, "Even though you're with him, you're still alone." Wish I'd gotten out then. (p.s. little sis is fine now, got a proper diagnosis and care)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 03:09 PM
2

I just cringed my way into next week
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 03:06 PM
3

Could have saved myself a solid two years of anxiety and heartbreak if I had known and believed "if he wanted to, he would"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 03:05 PM
24

leading cause of death in scrotes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 01:35 PM
11

He's probably blowing it all on OnlyFans, sports gambling, or both
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 07:19 PM
6

Comment of the Day, hands down
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 06:59 PM
3

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 02:16 PM
32

Absolutely! So in Western culture, the Virgin Mary in Christianity was seen as the highest example of womanhood, worthy of devotion and respect, and her virginity was a key part of her high status. The Italian name for her was the Madonna. Her polar opposite was "the whore," i.e. a sexually promiscuous woman. The Madonna/Whore Complex is men's tendency to place women in one of these two categories. Either she's a Madonna, pure, untouchable, virtuous because she is not sexually active, or a Whore…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 02:09 PM
2

Yep. Y'all can Yelp TF out of here with that shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 06:59 PM
8

I'm currently on a staff that is all women and one gay man, and it has been magical. The relaxation and ability to focus on my work has been amazing. But they're hiring someone else in and I'm afraid it's going to be a straight man and I'm like pleeeease noooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 12:54 PM
1

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 11:39 AM
21

just shout-laughed into an empty room, bless you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 07:01 PM
3

or long term lifestyle choices if solo is your jam
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:00 PM
35

I'm with you. I visited and some of the terminology for both parents and children is just so mean and nasty. For me, being childfree does not mean undying hatred of those who do choose to have children. I just would like some space to be myself, I don't need to hate on others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 05:33 PM
5

now starting a band called Hat Pin Peril
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 07:44 PM
13

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 04:04 PM
7

I thought I'd seen it all, but Jizz-Based Conspiracy Theory, that's next level
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 12:41 PM
32

A spinster back in medieval times was a woman who had a textile business (spinning, cloth, etc) so successful she was financially independent. Men died from the plague at greater rates than women, so single women were figuring out how to set up their own businesses. You can imagine that didn't go over well with the patriarchy, and the demonization of the term "spinster" has come down to this day. We're threatened with it because butthurt medieval scrotes were mad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 11:59 AM
3

And/or they've been brainwashed to believe they're not worthy of any empathy or kindness
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 05:39 PM
5

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 05:01 PM
5

yep, idiotically common
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 05:00 PM
15

Seriously, this dude looks dumber than a bag of hammers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 01:39 PM
14

The other thing no one seems to think out (or should I say, the young woman is manipulated into ignoring) is what happens if they remain together and this plays out. Ten years from now, he's 58 and she's 29. Twenty years out, he's 68 and she's 39. She starts becoming a caregiver in her early 40s, and spends from 40-60, the entirety of her middle age when she could be making bank and living into her power, caring for a drooling old man who slaps her on the ass when she brings him his meds. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 01:17 PM
21

That's exactly it. Women are socialized into asymmetrical relationships from childhood. Then when we realize that we can build beautiful, loving, reciprocal and symmetrical relationships with the women in our lives, a lot of the drive to somehow shoehorn decency out of men fades away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 12:59 PM
2

Congratulations to this scrote for inventing a shower that actually makes you dirtier rather than cleaner than when you got in
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 12:50 PM
3

That shower is from The Upside Down
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 12:44 PM
1

I don't even know what this refers to but it's just so hilariously bad already
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 12:42 PM
62

I have a thing for short men of noble character. Sadly I have come to realize that my type is an oxymoron.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 12:44 PM
7

Hold your head up. We love you, and we're supporting you with every brave step you take into your own, new, safe, independent life. Cry when you need to, and keep walking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 10:01 PM
27

Or just opt TF out altogether, that's where I am
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 07:41 PM
9

TRUTH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 07:20 PM
79

Woman posted on Reddit in some other sub about how she kept finding crumbs of poop in her sheets because her NVM never washed himself, and of course asking how she could approach it with him gently (eyeroll). CRUMBS of POOP. In her BED. I have not recovered. I am not going to recover.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 03:30 PM
30

get that hippy orgasm girl! love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 01:23 PM
29

Me too, sis. It's like the family tree is one big festival of eating disorders
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 12:22 PM
1

Legit this may be one of the most destructive TikToks I've ever seen, and the smug condescension makes it even more hellish. "Poor little dumb woman, you don't understand that your distress at his porn/ED/cheating is wrong and invalid!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 06:32 PM
3

I'm with you to the point that I posted about it: Hot Take: Therapy Is No Substitute for Morality
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 06:26 PM
18

boston marriage for the win!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:53 PM
9

Yes, please, that would be brilliant!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:52 PM
13

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:40 PM
3

"talking pet" sis yes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:30 PM
5

"face that beautiful lie everyday," yes, sis! That could be the tagline for FDS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:27 PM
7

Girl, YES. You know how they say the lottery is a tax on poor people? Dating, online and off, is a tax on women. Pay all of the price, for astronomically poor odds for any kind of reward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 01:44 PM
6

Also: channel all your relationship drives/hormones/desires into healthy, non-male outlets. It's reaaaaaal easy at 19-20 to confuse biological drives with the society-driven fantasies of cohabiting/marriage. Don't squash your natural upwelling of love and affection, just share it with those who will actually reciprocate. Snuggle your sisters'/friends'/cousins' babies, shower your parents/grandparents with love and attention, build deep, affirming friendships with your girlfriends, and invest in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 01:39 PM
30

"deny access to the undeserving" yes ma'am
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 09:23 PM
29

Even most of the "good" ones are disappointing to the women in their own dating lives. This is so true and so frustrating. And if you're the ex of one of these "good" ones, no one understands why you steer clear of him. He's soooo nice! *eyeroll*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 12:07 PM
14

Thank you for this post, I'd love to see more like this with an interesting twist/different angle on how LVM make everyone's life worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 11:48 AM
17

"The iron pen of fate" is now my new favorite phrase ever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:39 PM
47

My aesthetic is retro, 1935-1965, and I love it and I'm done apologizing for it. I look classy AF
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:33 PM
3

SO good
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:24 PM
13

I prefer "catch hands" because that's the more deserved reaction of the two when dealing with most men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 05:41 PM
32

Came here to say this. What's with all the "mourning" and lionizing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 04:52 PM
18

Exactly. Even if he treats me like a Queen, if he treated other women like trash, I don't want him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 03:21 PM
17

Yep. And I'm pretty much convinced that no man will be the man that I want them to be, so I'm out. Sequence of events: 1. I wanted the Disney fairytale. 2. I learned from experience and FDS that the fairytale doesn't exist. 3. Rather than accept a sub-par relationship/marriage, I have let go of the idea completely and am building my own fairytale, no dudes allowed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 03:20 PM
9

Right? I had a first date with a guy who took me to a board game party and it was just...weird as hell. He had asked me if I liked board games, and I was like, "sure, I played Monopoly as a kid." I had no idea that board gaming was like a massive subculture and he and his friends were super into it. I mean, no shade on it as a subculture, that's cool, but I was such a fish out of water. We played some kind of game about medieval mercantilism and I was so lost the entire time. Was the most exhaus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 01:17 PM
9

The man has a literal pornstache. I cannot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 12:37 PM
40

I wonder if this is a generational thing? Like the Silent Generation were literally silent, and the early Boomer men weren't really socialized to talk about their feelings, but from late Boomers who rebelled in the 60s onward, men have been encouraged to share their feelings. And boy, have they. To our detriment. The "men aren't allowed to share feelings" trope is just A. a cop-out when they don't want to get serious, or B. another fake "persecution" they use to get sympathy. A neighbor of strat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 11:35 AM
5

That was exactly my thought, that legit the Heir to Ted Bundy wrote this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 12:42 PM
5

Get me the "Radical & Magical" t-shirt STAT
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:08 PM
24

This is so true, and so many of us have been screwed over by it. We're trained as women since childhood to give and give and give, and then we can't understand why men don't appreciate us. The more we do, the more they despise us. But if we don't understand this dynamic, we just think we're not doing enough and bend over backwards even more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:06 PM
7

They all know what they are doing they make you do all the work then they play it off as if you're crazy about them. It's disgusting. YES. God, I have fallen for this twice, and it pisses me off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 01:32 PM
4

Exactly. At this point I just feel fundamentally incompatible with men as a gender.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 04:55 PM
183

It would be a straight up achievement for me to get my boundaries solid enough to be called “Ice Queen.” It’s a title I’m actively working to earn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 04:37 PM
6

Just want to register my support for the saying "yikes on trikes"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 02:00 PM
13

I shout-laughed into an empty room Like it echoed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 01:56 PM
6

Underrated comment. This is the whole show right here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:27 PM
3

SO true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 03:24 PM
17

NGL, while it's low value behavior that I can't condone, I kind of love this picture of her and her general IDGAF vibe
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 01:52 PM
11

For real. Newbie out here asking the real questions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 12:13 PM
18

Yep. I was telling my mom yesterday, "I have never had a man add value to my life, I'm done," and she did the, "You'll meet someone when you least expect it." Not allowed to not want men in our society. It's not seen as a valid, rational choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 12:40 PM
18

These are what I call Christmas Men, the constant mixture of green and red flags. (in the U.S. and many other places, green and red together are the traditional colors for Christmas decorations.) In my pre-FDS days, my longing for a relationship plus my projection of my own good qualities onto men would lead me into giving weight only to the green flags, and then up confused and heartbroken when finally some Mega Red Flag ended the whole thing. Steer clear of Christmas Men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 05:09 PM
30

Just listened, it's fanTAStic! I love how you can cover multiple serious topics in a serious way, but also have me laughing so hard my stomach hurts!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 05:06 PM
10

One of my favorite theologians says, "Death is the one thing we all get right the first time, by ourselves, with no instructions. Cemeteries are full of people who died successfully. What is it? Beginners' luck?" Makes me laugh every time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 12:58 PM
25

And Covid restrictions have made it worse (not criticizing restrictions, just noticing how they've amplified these dynamics). My parents are both fully vaccinated and my dad still won't leave the house. He doesn't want my mom to either but my sisters and I put our foot down and were like, "If Dr. Fauci says you can come hug your grandkids, you can come hug your grandkids. Dad can sit at home and be mad and scared by himself."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 12:54 PM
11

This is SO important. My last two situationships (pre FDS), anxiety was the dominant theme. I was exhausting myself worrying and trying to be good enough to "earn" girlfriend status. I feel sorry for my little pre-FDS self. She didn't know better, but now I do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 12:44 PM
12

Me toooooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 12:43 PM
15

Dating and especially falling in love turn your brain into mush. Makes it so hard to stay grounded in reality and to grow for yourself. SO true. And it takes awhile for the fog to clear. You have to move through the stages of grief until the previous relationship loses that sharp sting every time you think of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 12:34 PM
10

Stop hating yourself and your body! You are beautiful and a gift to the world and deserve to take up space. The voice in your head telling you you're fat and ugly is not you, it's the voice of the beauty-industrial complex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 12:51 PM
53

I love that meme that's like "why did we stop with only putting one man on the moon? why didn't we put the rest of them there?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 08:06 PM
3

Sis over here summing up FDS in one comment YES
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 07:43 PM
1

This is why I'm no longer dating. I just don't have time for this B.S. and I'm tired of being disappointed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 07:40 PM
2

Oh praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 07:16 PM
3

My ex to a T
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 01:49 PM
68

Sis, I just want to thank you for your courage and transparency in sharing this with us. I think on FDS sometimes we feel the pressure to act like we have it all together and the urge to hide the pain and self-doubt and awful details from our pick-me days. Thank you for letting us into your story, and know that you are so loved and validated. The High Value Person who earns your love is so, so lucky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 01:14 PM
62

Girl, I'm in the same boat and that's the only route I'll go IF I decide to date again, which is a big if. Single, childfree, financially stable, and I will NOT let a man F that up. So I'll do "together apart" if a HVM shows up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 12:53 PM
6

Yes, THANK you. It's driving me up a wall that no one on the news can seem to conceive that race-based violence and gender-based violence can coexist at the same time and the same place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:46 PM
2

"winning commitment" What exactly are we "winning" with these men? Not a whole hell of a lot from where I sit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:17 PM
4

I think there are also religious roots here, from hegemonic Christianity. "A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife," etc. Roots of women as property go back much further than that. It's a short trip from "you are my property" to "maybe you as a person are not technically my property, but your property is my property."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 05:37 PM
14

Never in the history of the world has having sex ever made a man try harder or treat you better. Things may stay the same or he will get lazy and slack off once he's done it, but things will never improve. SO true, sis. Also, this whole dynamic is so disappointing. The biggest factor in my letting my last two situationships drag on so long was that they listened and they remembered. I was so flattered. The more fool me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 05:34 PM
10

Just one more manifestation of society's gaslighting tendency to constantly manage expectations for men downward. The bar isn't just in hell, it was PUT there. Purposely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:55 PM
41

Yep. My favorite quote from systems thinker Edwin Friedman is, "The unmotivated are invulnerable to insight."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:52 PM
7

Exactly. In the early days of MeToo, my male boss called me into his office to have a conversation about it--sort of, "if you feel like I'm crossing a boundary, can we have a conversation about it?" Later in the conversation, he was worrying about someone from his past calling him out, and I remember he said, "Everyone was playing grab-ass in the eighties, they'll never get anything done if they call all of us out."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:49 PM
29

Oh I've done it. Ignored long-term incompatibility for short-term attention/validation/comfort. Walked right into it, was deeply unsurprised when things blew up, and then had myself to blame. I mean, their actions were reprehensible as well, but I can't act like I was blindsided. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:43 PM
2

This is so true. FDS is the only place to comfortably live in "dating is not worth it" land and have it taken at face value. I don't share it with anyone because I don't want to put up with the ridiculous misconceptions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:20 PM
4

Yep. Relationship Ambiguity is a heinously potent weapon against us and our well being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:00 PM
1

Preach, sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 01:46 PM
4

No thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 01:24 PM
3

"it's not like that" oh honey no
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 01:23 PM
6

Right? Completely haunting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 01:16 PM
6

Thank you for this! Brilliant!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 08:41 PM
4

I totally hear you that our socialization plus growing up with dysfunction can make boundary-setting really difficult. We experience shame for simply taking care of ourselves the way we should. One quick shortcut is to mentally place your best friend or sister in your shoes, and ask if you would be okay with the current situation happening to her. If she were here, about to make the decision you're about to make, would you advise her to proceed? If the answer is "no," speak up. If it's hard to v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 05:22 PM
6

And it's such a betrayal when their true colors finally come out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 07:23 PM
5

I'm childfree and approaching 40 and I have a horror of getting involved/entangled with a man whose deadbeat teenage/young adult kids would drain me/us financially. It happens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:27 PM
11

This is called a Boston Marriage and was a whole thing in 19th century America. Super cool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 12:40 PM
15

GIRL you said it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 07:06 PM
21

Lord
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 07:04 PM
95

100%. Even if they're not financially incompetent, "I want an independent woman" means "if you ever express any emotions at all or expect my attention or participation in our relationship, I will call you clingy and needy, and during or after the breakup, crazy."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 06:44 PM
19

True on all counts!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 04:11 PM
17

Exactly. And I've made the mistake of when they "open up," showing reciprocal vulnerability with sharing my own trauma with them. BIG mistake. Of any and all of my regrets about past relationships, the biggest is sharing those parts of myself that were then not respected and held with the trust and care they deserved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 04:07 PM
14

I once saw a news report on how the opioid crisis hit Mormon/LDS wives hard. They needed an escape and pain pills were socially acceptable. Then they all ended up addicted. Really sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 01:14 PM
15

Fully respecting and supporting all women's reproductive choices, but for me, I'm telling you, Auntie Life is the best racket in town. My sisters provided my parents with all the grandparenting they wanted and I got off scot free. I get to snuggle and love and take my nieces and nephews to the playground and be the fun aunt, and then hand them off at the end of the day. It's brilliant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 01:42 PM
14

I'm in a heavily male dominated field, and my favorite is when a male colleague spent 45 minutes mansplaining me on how to deal with another male colleague's chronic mansplaining. It was some sort of hilarious entitlement infinite loop. My female colleague and I are trying to avoid meeting eyes so we can keep a straight face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 01:31 PM
12

"Confidently Incorrect" is men in a nutshell
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 01:26 PM
8

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 07:10 PM
58

Anyone else feel like the thunder and lightning in the background is God agreeing with her?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 07:04 PM
18

This exact thing happened to my grandma. She worked in a B-2 bomber plant during the war, like she was a legit Rosie the Riveter. Got fired after the war because "a man needed the job more than her." She did need the job because she was raising four kids on her own because her husband was in prison.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 02:06 PM
90

Omg I read "defecation" instead of "deflection" and I was like wait it's a strategy? They talk about poop when we share our dreams? Worst part is it's not at all far-fetched
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 05:48 PM
20

The full cycle in three texts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 01:23 PM
13

Right? It's just so stupid. Like one step below "the dog ate my homework."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 01:05 PM
19

Very Margaret Thatcher
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 04:34 PM
2

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 03:15 PM
6

Truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 03:00 PM
7

It's so true. We could have found the cure to cancer using the misspent energy we wasted on "deciphering" men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 02:48 PM
24

I'm working on setting better emotional boundaries in all my relationships, being present without oversharing and unnecessary vulnerability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 01:28 PM
22

"Thanks FDS" is the new "Thanks Obama" lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 01:27 PM
11

I may be way out of step here but "promise rings" just reek of junior high purity culture to me to start with
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 01:24 PM
53

One of my favorite quotes from social systems expert Edwin Friedman is, "The unmotivated are invulnerable to insight."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 01:12 PM
8

Either that or he dumps her on graduation day to go scope out new chicks in his new city with his new job
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 02:09 AM
8

"Everyone's gotta story" and his usually includes undisclosed DUIs/multiple firings/prison time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 01:30 PM
33

This is so true. Have you ever seen a conventionally attractive man friends with a woman who doesn't meet our society's effed up beauty standards? Nope. We have to be hot enough for them to imagine dating even to be their friends. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 01:40 PM
71

This is also what the underground function of convents was in European Christianity back in the day. In medieval times, it was either get married or become a nun. You were dominated by patriarchy either way, but the nuns got to live in sisterhood and escape endless pregnancy and childbirth, which was life-threatening in those days. They put up with a lot of b.s., but those convents were often secret flowerings of art, music, and fulfilled women living in loving community. Why do you think the st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 01:30 PM
23

They're just fundamentally lazy. Like have you ever met an un-lazy man? Even if he's driven in his career or going to the gym or whatever, they're always lazy in emotional labor or thoughtfulness or something. Women work so hard to balance our efforts so we're caring and supporting as many people around us as possible. Men just DGAF and never have. Disappointing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 12:41 AM
53

I do premarital counseling and it's staggering the number of couples who end up in front of my desk, knee deep in the wedding planning, completely clueless about anything deeper than the sex or how fun it is to play house. The first thing I do is ask each of them to explain to me the other's stance on 1. money, 2. religion, 3, in-laws, and 4. children. I get a lot of dropped jaws. The ones who giggle and shrug even though they fail the test question are often divorced within five years. The ones…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 12:27 AM
41

Sis posted about some dude hitting her up at like 8 p.m. after losing his ping pong tournament to take her "to Chili's to get a molten lava cake or something." He clearly had struck out with some other woman over dinner and was trying to salvage his loser evening. The molten lava cake was the last level of cringe and so very classic LV that most of us were sent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 12:16 PM
7

That is terrifying. So glad you're okay!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 11:45 AM
317

It's so scary how quickly they turn. This honestly gave me chills. Not that he's going to be part of your life, obv, but if he can pivot this quickly from flattery to shaming/hate, how quickly could he pivot from physical affection to physical violence?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 02:46 PM
5

get it, girl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 02:14 PM
6

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:38 PM
6

Hot dang. Bout to clean out the silverware drawer over here and tea it up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:34 PM
3

Side note: do you know what I hate? I still remember the birthdays of every single guy I dated seriously. I don't mark them, obv, but I can still list them: May 8, April 21, December 12, etc. They didn't know my birthday EVEN WHEN WE WERE SEEING EACH OTHER.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:31 PM
5

I just want to give her a hug. I see so much talent getting chewed up by social media when these women are just trying to share their light. We love you, little sis! Keep shining!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:23 PM
9

Right? She's a star.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:52 PM
41

This is great! More of a Charlotte Bronte fan myself--Jane Eyre is a total FDSer. She won't do a damn thing unless it's on her terms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:29 PM
6

Yep, redirecting your thoughts every single time is the way to go, and using one mantra is best. Whenever thoughts of my ex came up, I said, "he's not my person and he never was." Every time. It works. "He's not my person and he never was" is now my dominant association with him, and it's neutral and comfortable, not painful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 02:33 PM
18

Yep, I caught that too. Couldn't work out in the basement/garage/living room because it's clearly a shared space, and not shared with dude housemates or girlfriend. Straight up failed to launch. Add in the legos and it's crystal clear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 02:29 PM
2

I read the source incorrectly as "Blessing Man Fasting" and I was like, yes, I am "fasting" from men. I've given up men for Lent! And possibly forever!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 02:10 PM
5

Exactly, Soviet women were all up in combat of all kinds and kicked ass
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 01:51 PM
1

just need to say "Porta John at Burning Man" is gold
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 05:32 PM
24

"modern day Jesus" for a couponing app, this is going to entertain me for days, bless you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 01:50 PM
2

The worst part is that we're always being told to cOmMuNiCaTe, and that's what "we need to talk" is, a desire and attempt to communicate! And yet it strikes fear and dread into the hearts of men. They don't actually want us to communicate, they want an escape clause from anything and everything that makes them uncomfortable or they feel is inconvenient.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 01:39 PM
8

He'll take you to 7-Eleven for your honeymoon breakfast
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:50 PM
13

Wait...this...this is real? This is an actual quote by this actual man in this picture? Holy Lord.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:40 PM
5

Truth. Complexity does not not equal empathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 10:56 PM
3

Truth, truth, TRUTH! The mental and physical pretzeling I used to do trying to follow that advice and "make" him want me...ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 08:36 PM
5

Yeah, saying it's your first anniversary on the first date is lying. Straight up. In public. For no reason. No thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 07:08 PM
12

And wearing a janky old t-shirt? Not even out at a beautiful location or special restaurant? Might as well get a proposal in a 7-Eleven parking lot
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 04:27 PM
5

Preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 04:14 PM
6

I swear, pre-emptively lowering standards is the only full-time job most of these scrotes will commit to
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 04:13 PM
2

Right? and constantly trying to process the cognitive dissonance of the regular demonstration that I wasn't his priority. :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 02:08 PM
45

Yep. Double bind after double bind. It never ends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 06:53 PM
15

It’s the full length yellow that just puts an exclamation mark on the whole thing, I love it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 06:45 PM
4

God, this is some truth right here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 01:25 PM
3

The way I treated men and the way they have treated me are so far apart. My God, if that doesn't sum the whole thing up right there
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:55 PM
12

Pheromones are definitely a thing, and hormonal birth control methods can mess with them. Sure would be nice if men took responsibility for their penises and didn't leave it all up to us and the chemicals that fuck up our bodies, wouldn't it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:51 PM
10

Jesus Lord have MERCY I hate men SO MUCH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 09:39 PM
1

He had two hatchets. TWO! That is serial killer material if I ever saw it. The two swords is just gratuitous man-baby tomfoolery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 07:39 PM
3

Yep. "Spontaneous" means "I will never put an ounce of effort in to planning anything special for you, ever. Also, I will outsource my personal calendar and scheduling to you because other people's time and priorities mean nothing to me and my overwhelming need for constant instant gratification."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 07:18 PM
2

Absolutely, thank you for your comment!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 06:57 PM
5

Thank you, this is helpful. I thought allegedly only referred to the person who did it? Which is what I was attempting to point out. But you're saying that the actual event has to be referred to as alleged also? Like they can't say she was beaten to death until a court says it, regardless of who did it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 04:30 PM
29

Read this sexist, lazy reporting: "Danielle Hopton died of injuries after she was allegedly beaten, according to police... An 18-year-old animal shelter volunteer in Colorado was allegedly beaten to death in a parking lot by her ex-boyfriend, authorities said." She wasn't "allegedly beaten," she was definitely beaten--do they think she ran into a door so many times she died? The "allegedly" should refer to the perpetrator, not the victim and her injuries and death. What tripe, and how disrespect…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 02:28 PM
32

This is one reason why I hesitate to get into a relationship. I do not have the time to run my own life and a surveillance state attempting to vet some dude. (Video is v. cute, I'm just so fed up with this dynamic.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 02:12 PM
3

This is brilliant! Thank you for the suggestion!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 01:49 PM
9

The fuckboi sense of humor is exhausting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 03:49 PM
13

I dated a man finishing his Ph.D. and I was so proud, but then he took his degree and started this completely low value job (think sketchy bro startup) and I was like, what? Situationship with another one who told me he basically had no ambition in life, and again, so foreign to me! How do you live like that? Looking back at that second one's chronic lateness, I bet he will be the type to skate past on the bare minimum his whole life and get away with it because he's a white male and also cute. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:33 PM
20

What makes me sad is that my mom was never given any space or permission to develop her own interests or career, so that her identity became sacrifice. It was the only thing she was allowed to take pride in, and it led to her having an air of martyrdom that resulted in ridicule and her being dismissed. This drove her deeper into the sacrificial, isolated, pain-as-virtue mentality, which stifled her growth even more and made her more controlling. It makes me really sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:28 PM
85

Your point on "against female nature"--do you know the Lizzie Borden case? Inspired a playground rhyme: "Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her father forty whacks, when she saw what she had done, she gave her mother forty-one." Anyway, this was in 1892 and she was acquitted even though she very likely did it, because legit a Victorian jury simply could not conceive of a woman being capable of murder. (Actually, could not conceive of a middle-class woman doing it, a lot of people blamed the Irish m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:10 PM
199

I'm not crazy. I don't have to put up with this. I have the immense privilege of being born into a generation that has more economic freedom than any previous generation of women. Unlike my mother and grandmothers, I don't HAVE to get married. And FDS has awakened me to the fact that not only do I not have to buy into the societal pressure to marry and the narrative that I am less-than for being single, I get to REVEL in a beautiful, comfortable single life that my grandmothers would have killed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 06:19 PM
51

Praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 06:12 PM
98

I know, right? The image alone is grotesque
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 04:21 PM
23

Men are so WEAK! I tore my ACL and because of Covid, it was awhile before I could get into surgery. I had to just power through on crutches in the interim. My former boss (badass strong woman) had mentioned my situation to her husband, and he was like, "But how is she dealing with the pain? When this happens to athletes they're carted off the field!" And she just said, "We're women, all we do is handle pain." Yup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 01:47 PM
13

Right? My type is "short man of noble character" but my experience shows me that given enough time, that's an oxymoron
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 10:19 PM
26

Not having a relationship contract i.e. an explicit commitment, is the other person saying, "I'm not willing to go on the record saying that I won't hurt you." This is brilliant--thank you for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 09:59 PM
148

And you know what else? The "give him a chance" mentality assumes that we owe men our attention, a "chance," which actually means we "owe" him our emotional labor and the stress of spending time with someone about whom we already have misgivings. How many times do we need to learn that a woman's instincts are almost always right? We know that women have been harmed and even killed because of disregarding their instincts to be "nice." We don't owe any man a "chance." It's supposed to be a chance …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 07:39 PM
1

*cue Beyonce's Formation video* *FDS jam commences*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 06:58 PM
190

If we don't capitulate and "settle down" to get married, they threaten us with dying alone. Clearly we'll be dying alone regardless, so I'd rather craft my beautiful single life with my mutually supportive network rather than find myself "left at the altar" 35 years in when I have cancer. Do they actually cross their fingers when they vow "in sickness and in health"? Like it's right there in the vows, as if people back in the day realized men need to explicitly promise this in front of God or th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 03:56 PM
42

This happened to my grandma. She worked in a B2 bomber plant, like an actual Rosie the Riveter, and got fired as soon as the war was over. She got another job in a shoe factory and was fired from that when a man wanted the job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 12:30 PM
8

My dad got my mom an iron for their first wedding anniversary. This was an often-retold funny story in our home growing up--ha ha, clueless dad! Now I understand why my poor mom has been emotionally unfulfilled for the last 40 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 01:56 PM
3

This is so important.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 01:50 PM
14

If he's so into Biblical gender roles, I hope he meets Jael and gets a tent peg through the temple
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 12:56 PM
144

If I was named that in someone's phone, HE would cry after I was done with him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 12:28 PM
12

And here's the thing that reveals the seemingly fundamental moral depravity of men: if they are saying most women don't enjoy sex, that means that most women who have had sex with them did not enjoy themselves. And yet they keep doing it! Without trying to learn or improve! If I found out that an activity I was regularly engaging in with someone else was at best an annoying waste of time for them and at worst physically hurt them, I WOULD NOT BE DOING IT. But they dgaf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 10:23 PM
22

Thank you for this super helpful info and also for sharing part of your story!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 07:57 PM
3

I had to look it up too. WTF? I can't believe patriarchy is working this nitpicking hard to find a new way to make us hate ourselves. Miss me with that BS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 01:01 PM
20

Exactly. Ever wonder why every Disney movie ends with a wedding? We're groomed to want the wedding--it's literally the "happy ending"--but never told of the misery that lies beyond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 01:45 PM
132

Exactly. As I look back over my last situationship (pre-FDS), he made a comment that stuck in my mind but I didn't understand why at the time. He said he wasn't much of a gift-giver because he didn't like the obligation of it. At the time, I didn't like it but didn't see it as a dealbreaker. If it happened again today, I would translate it correctly as, "I will make no effort for you whatsoever and I'm warning you now," and peace out accordingly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 01:35 PM
35

This is magical, for a good cause, and I hope many of us partake on behalf of the many LVM we have squashed beneath our heels!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 11:30 PM
10

He loves being the guy who actually talks to women rather than trying to bang them... He’s distracting her from seeing the real him, which is a man so traumatized by his childhood neglect that he’s incapable of having empathy. Yes, yes, YES! This is him! This is my ex! THANK you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 10:47 PM
5

Exactly. I hate pranks, they’re humor explicitly based on causing someone else anxiety and fear. Miss me with that “humor.” As the saying goes, “I can take a joke. What I can’t take is disrespect disguised as a joke.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 11:59 PM
6

Exactly. I hate pranks, they’re humor explicitly based on causing someone else anxiety and fear. Miss me with that “humor.” As the saying goes, “I can take a joke. What I can’t take is disrespect disguised as a joke.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 11:59 PM
1

Yes, yes, YES! Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 11:56 PM
32

Love this! Write that book, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 10:09 PM
67

This is such an important point, thank you for bringing it up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 03:58 PM
11

This is so important and I need to be so vigilant with myself on this. Men "future fake" and women "future fantasize."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 01:39 PM
58

This, 100%. I would be very grateful if folks would watch for and try to eliminate fat shaming around here. I tried watching Daniel Sloss on the recommendation of this sub, and literally the first joke of his set was a fat joke. Nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 03:02 PM
19

“Quiet queen confidence,” I love that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 11:44 PM
21

He’s in our mutual friend group and we all share the same hobby, so he’ll definitely be in my orbit once Covid is under control and we’re all back doing our hobby again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 11:28 PM
4

I don't want him back, and I don't want to talk to him. But I keep getting tripped up by the "Nice Girl" trap. I keep feeling as if no contact is "rude" and I'm afraid he and everyone else will think I'm a bitch. I know this is my pickme conditioning and I'm working on unraveling it. I keep telling myself the fear of being thought "not nice" is less important than caring for myself and protecting my bounadaries. I haven't texted him, and I'm proud of that. But I won't act like I haven't had clos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 09:44 PM
12

I'm finding that it takes an enormous amount of mental and emotional energy just to maintain my own reality. The brainwashing of living as a pickme is the path of least resistance. I'm so grateful for FDS to continually wake me up and remind me, "No, that WAS total bullshit."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 09:41 PM
21

I went off Effexor cold turkey years ago not knowing it would be problematic. It was hideous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 09:03 PM
25

Right? I liked it so much until I heard that. :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 02:18 PM
12

Girl, I'm going full urban swamp witch for 2021. No scrotes allowed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 01:36 PM
5

Swear to God I'm about to get saved any day now, I can't take much more of this shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:55 AM
2

Androgynous joy FTW!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:41 AM
24

Dearest, hold your head up and hear us: he is irrelevant. He is not your concern. The behavior of LVM is not and never will be logical, explainable, or emotionally intelligent. You need to let it go and focus on leveling up. Pour all the love you wanted to give him into yourself. We are walking with you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:27 AM
5

I know. Holy Jesus.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:10 AM
42

I'm 38, childfree and never married, and crushing it in my career. I feel more sure of my decisions and my path every day. I'm growing freer and more financially independent year over year, and while I respect the choices of those called to marriage and motherhood, I'm grateful that I had the strength to push back on those expectations and walk my own true path.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 07:08 PM
24

Praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 06:57 PM
62

I just need to say that "Discount Chris Rock" is gold
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 06:50 PM
90

Me tooooo! 38 today, want to hit 40 OWNING EVERYTHING in my life with no men as far as the eye can see!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 01:11 PM
28

Praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 10:15 PM
371

And. We're. Gonna. Treat. Her. Right!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 10:10 PM
3

Right?! I was like, who tf is this guy going to find to cheat WITH?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:46 PM
9

That link made me want to punch myself in the face. Good LORD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:42 PM
3

My mom would say things like this to us as kids when she was trying to explain away my dad ignoring her or not helping around the house, "at least doesn't hit us!" It makes me sad in retrospect. She deserved better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:39 PM
6

Hmmm, not sure about this article. Feels like some of the advice is simply more recommendations for women to not be themselves and live performatively in such a way as to be acceptable to men. Your insecurities are unattractive TO MEN! Have an independent life so you can be attractive TO MEN! Set boundaries because that's more appealing TO MEN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:35 PM
6

I'm 38, and you could not pay me enough to go back to my younger days, circumstances, or relationships. No THANK you. I wouldn't even do it if I had a chance to live it over and make different choices. Onward and upward, y'all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:23 PM
11

"the hidden exhaustion of being a woman"--if that doesn't sum up the whole damn thing, I don't know what does. Props, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:19 PM
3

If anybody wants some great analysis of S&TC and our retrospective realization of its shortcomings, check out The Take on YouTube. I love their stuff, very interesting and pro-woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:15 PM
8

I can't tell you how much I needed to read this today. Why is it SO hard to believe ourselves? To identify with our own interpretation of events over theirs? It's like patriarchy has permanently skewed our instincts and identity. I guess it has. I have a lot of un-learning to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 05:11 PM
1

a full life of awesomeness that will suddenly have a co-star 🙂 Yes, please! That sounds brilliant!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 05:07 PM
5

Not only does prestige go down as women start to dominate in a field, but salaries do too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 04:43 PM
29

This is making me realize I have nothing in common with most men. Why should we spend time together when we literally don't like or value the same things?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 01:59 PM
41

"Keep the orbital trash to a minimum"--that's my new 2021 motto!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 01:45 PM
10

And thereby spreading your business all over town.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 02:51 AM
3

Can confirm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 02:47 AM
8

Right? That isolating nature of it makes it twice as damaging. Right here with you, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 09:54 PM
15

Thank you for this comment, I appreciate it. I am trying to articulate the behavior of men who would not meet clinical definitions of narcissism but exhibit narcissist-adjacent behavior--I may not have described that well. The top comment above by u/throwawaynevermindit/ really explains better than I do. Thank you for the tip!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 09:02 PM
11

Ha! yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 07:04 PM
10

Good for you! We're rooting for you as you reconnect with your spark.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 07:00 PM
2

Not sure about this. Feels like it compromises your dignity. But I respect the fact that everyone has the right to employ the strategies that work best for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:36 PM
116

Thank you for articulating something I was struggling to identify--the price women pay for the trope of "society doesn't equip men to function well in relationships." Well, society also doesn't equip otters to do dental surgery, so I'm not going to get dental surgery from an otter. Luckily, society will not expect me to go to Dr. Otter because "you should just give him a chance," or worse, hold me responsible for teaching the otter how to do surgery and have a f*cked up bleeding mouth forever be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:31 PM
49

You know, this is a really important observation, thank you. He always spoke well of his exes, even the one who faked a pregnancy and the one who cheated on him. I had "speaks well of his exes" on my HVM list, but as I look back, I think he had a LOT of denied and repressed anger toward them (and also toward his father).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:18 PM
11

yes yes YES. Thank you for articulating what I was experiencing with my last (pre-FDS) situationship!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 04:12 PM
18

Exactly. If he's an introvert or doesn't want to talk, or whatever, that's fine. I'm also mindful of the cultural norms like you say. But anyone with an ounce of empathy would focus on and radiate supportive body language to someone describing her pain like this. And he's her SPOUSE ffs. All the cat petting made me feel like he was nonverbally shouting, "THESE CATS ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN YOUR WELL BEING LOL"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 04:06 PM
40

This is SO true. He was all about feminism and valuing my experience until my experience was him exploiting me and me calling him on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 03:51 PM
82

Yep. Capitalism and patriarchy are so entwined as to be virtually indistinguishable. That's why leveling up can feel so hard at times--you are pitting your one individual psyche against multi-billion dollar industries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 03:48 PM
4

"Intimacy faking"--this is exactly it! This happened to me and it's AWFUL when they pull the rug out from under you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:53 PM
10

ExACTly. Doesn't want to admit he can't do a job that simple AND too proud/lazy to youtube it before he goes over there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 02:03 AM
2

Preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 02:00 PM
2

This is SO true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 01:51 PM
7

I think this can also be related to a version of the sunk cost fallacy, or the "he looks good on paper" trap. If a man has one or two qualities that you really like, you hang onto him and disregard the negatives, because you're afraid you won't be able to find anyone else with those same good qualities. You throw good money after bad, so to speak, trapping yourself with the idea of this man instead of the reality that the bad qualities are dealbreakers that can't be outweighed by the good qualit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 01:31 PM
21

This is a great point that you make here--that you can't both keep all your boundaries and keep every person in your life. There will be people who violate them, and you have to choose which is more important, the boundary, or keeping a person in your life who violates it. Keeping your boundaries always outweighs the cost, but it's good to talk about and name the cost. If we're not prepared for the cost, we'll be less likely to successfully enforce what's good for us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 01:26 PM
23

God, men are just completely incapable, of, like, EVERYthing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 01:42 AM
30

No more calls, we have a winner
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 01:40 AM
9

And hallelujah. Let's pass the plate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 01:30 AM
20

What a cutie!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 01:21 AM
2

Here's an important aspect for me: reciprocal vulnerability, a shared level of confidence. When you're feeling your way into a friendship, you're not going to spill your deepest traumas the first time you have coffee (or you shouldn't, anyway). But as your friendship grows and deepens, there should be parity in the depth of what you share with one another. I found out I need to ascertain this intentionally when a friend invited/demanded confidence of me and then I later found out she was hiding …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 07:43 PM
4

This is such an important frame, thank you for this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 04:30 PM
7

This is so important. A lot of us fall into the "but he's so good on paper" idea or an imagined future when those one or two seemingly minor bad traits will disappear because he loves us so much. Never going to happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 02:11 PM
4

ME NEITHER! I don't like who I am when I'm with a man--anxious, always worried about moving the relationship to the next step, wondering if he's going to leave me or decided I'm not good enough for him, etc. I think there are actually two stages of moving out of being a pickme--figuring out how to be a HVM while single, and figuring it out in a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 01:53 PM
22

Underrated comment. You are so correct. There is very little if anything in modern opposite sex relationships that benefits women. And a lot of us are realizing it and ditching the whole scam.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 01:29 PM
26

Whoa, whoa, whoa! That is super hardcore! I love the blend of the horror stories and the everyday horror of womanhood, like you were saying. It makes the ending super powerful. Thank you for sharing it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 10:21 PM
10

Right? Isn't it incredible how closely she identifies with what we go through even though she was writing so long ago? The more things change, the more they stay the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 10:02 PM
21

MALE pastors, fyi. Women clergy are generally extremely hardworking and ethical, and have a terrible pay gap, btw. Also, women clergy are far more likely to be farmed out to deal with abusive, problematic congregations while male clergy get the big, high profile churches where they get to coast on their bigger salaries. It's awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 06:39 PM
21

Where/when I grew up, promise rings were a hard core Purity Culture signal and status symbol. They were big old "virgin till married" advertisements that were mostly used to control young women's sexuality and shame everyone who didn't wear one. So they're deeply problematic for me coming out of those associations. I certainly don't want high school aged women stepping into active sexuality too early, but those rings were about their fathers owning their bodies until they handed them over to a h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 06:35 PM
10

This is such a great summary--thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 06:09 PM
21

This is hands down the most depressing thing I've ever read. "Spend money to mutilate yourself to avoid offending the patriarchy with your actual face!" JeSUS Lord have mercy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 02:24 PM
20

Side note: "scrote nation" is gold
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 02:14 PM
10

So sad and so accurate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 02:12 PM
9

I think this can be a very helpful frame, because so many of us feel so much shame for our pickme days. But if you picture yourself as a little girl and say to yourself, "would I let this child be treated the way I'm being treated right now?" your pickme rose colored glasses will fall away and you'll nope out of those dead end relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:29 PM
9

Proud of you for everything you're overcoming! Keep going, Queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:25 PM
3

You're right! The mental illness version of the Man Cold!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:31 AM
26

Anyone who knowingly sleeps with someone who is in a committed relationship with someone else is committing an unethical act. You are violating your own integrity, completely separate from your perspective on the damage done to the original relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:28 AM
48

You know, I may do that when I move into my new place :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:17 AM
102

Oh, honey, no
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:14 AM
90

This is a great analysis--social media and porn both rely on the dopamine cycle to generate continuous viewing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 05:36 PM
2

She is so cute AND so tough and I am here for it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:14 PM
7

I'm working on this! I realized that wanting to control my image in my group of friends is A. useless because it's impossible, I can't control what other people think of me, B. proof that I still need to keep working on my insecurity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 03:10 PM
24

Getting gray hair is when your Queen's Crown actually manifests physically in the silver crowning your head. There is nothing better than watching women step into their power more and more as they get older--it's my highest aspiration for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 03:08 PM
9

Wow. Just wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 03:04 PM
13

This was my thought exactly. These "bogus charges" were 100% porn fees.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 02:52 AM
8

I hear how much pain you're in, and I'm so sorry. Your feelings are 100% justified and valid--it is a terrible, exploitative world we live in. I'm wondering if you should consider some sort of separatism? Like intentionally try to limit your contact with straight men/all men for a season (or forever)? You can choose not to date, you can choose not to have male platonic friends, you can choose to limit your contact with male family members if they are destructive to you. You will have to have con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 07:33 PM
35

Yeah, exactly. If this was in Dating over 30, this is a 30+ man still drinking to the point of being incapacitated afterwards for 24 hours. No thank you. Leave that sh*t behind in your frat days and grow the f up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:40 PM
17

Men are irredeemable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:33 PM
2

Every day I'm on FDS, the more I question whether I want a man at all. I'm with you, they don't seem to bring any discernable benefit, and most of them actively make your life worse. Especially since I'm childfree, I'm like wtf are you bringing to my life? Seriously
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 11:00 PM
2

Right?! I can't stop laughing, these mennnnnn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 10:53 PM
21

I wanted Eloise to be a raging lesbian. She's not? (haven't finished the series yet)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 10:26 PM
26

Here's the other thing: I think a lot of men out here are unconsciously gaslighting. I used to think gaslighting was an intentional tactic only used by master-level narcissistic abusers, like men who set out to destroy a woman with purpose and full awareness. And that absolutely occurs with terrifying frequency. But I'll tell you who has done me far more lasting damage: the "nice guys" who gaslight not intentionally, but because gaslighting is the result of moving through the world with the "I w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 06:40 PM
8

You're right. When I think about my friends, non-romantic relationships, the best and most lasting and trustworthy ones never leave me confused. I know where we stand and I know they're there for me. We should expect nothing less from men we're seeing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 06:32 PM
6

Thank you LORD. There are moments of pain, especially when something reminds me of things we shared or things we planned to do, but every day I'm freer, and it feels great! Also, every time I hit one of those triggers and it hurts, I know it will hurt a little less next time. So every time a song or a place reminds me of him, it's a blessing, because it's one step closer to indifference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 06:29 PM
3

I resonate with this so hard. I never, never, NEVER feel like my anger is justified. Even in the first flush of being treated badly, I'm already trying to rationalize and explain things away, trying to "be fair" and see the other person's perspective and why I might be wrong and overreacting. This comes from a similar situation to yours. In my house growing up, showing literally any emotional at all was labeled as being "out of control." To this day I can't stand my mother telling me to "calm do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 03:30 PM
45

I've recently begun work in an office that is all women and one gay man, and I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it is. I feel like I can breathe there, like I'll have someone on my side. The invisible weight of vigilance against unwanted sexual energy is gone. (Gay male colleague can sometimes mansplain, but it's not nearly as bad.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 03:13 PM
12

Tangential but related: one of my hardest patterns to break when a relationship ends is worrying what everyone thinks of me because of the breakup. This is with regard to him and our friends--will they all think I'm hysterical? Overreacting? Pathetic? A bitch? I remind myself that aside from the initial reaction to the news, most people don't think about me at all, they're too wrapped up in their own lives. But I'm seeing more clearly how the fear of what others will think of us as women can kee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:56 PM
26

This is great. I think that contrasting of what your response would be versus his response is incredibly clarifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:54 PM
1

oooo I just got accused with that last paragraph and I richly deserve it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:45 AM
2

Proud of you! And this analysis will help many of us to see FDS principles playing out in our own situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:37 AM
2

Well you are fierce AF!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 10:01 PM
3

GIRL work those fishnets tho! Plus the ring!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 06:38 PM
12

I have always been ambitious and it has paid off in my amazing career that I am grateful and proud of. I will say I get tired of never being seen as whole and complete because I am unmarried and childfree. But I realize that I can disregard that opinion as stupid, just have to continue mentally levelling up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 01:34 PM
14

Wow. This just really made me rethink some previous relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 02:23 AM
11

You're making all kinds of sense--thank you! So I think what I'm hearing is that the "love at first sight" or "he knows early on" is not necessarily an intentionally manipulative and damaging narrative, it's more a reflection of the structural inequality that already exists. It's not giving them a free pass, it just reflects the reality that they can roll the dice with almost any woman and come up with a true prize. I 100% agree. It's fundamentally unjust, but then, welcome to being a woman, rig…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 07:05 PM
16

That was delightful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 06:42 PM
9

I don't disagree with you at all, in fact I particularly agree with your point that they don't have as much to risk or lose as we do. But here's what saddens me: If they like how she looks and whether he has a good time with her and basic compatibility, she’s good to go. And it doesn’t take guys that long to suss that out. That doesn't feel like a high value approach to me. Are even HVM approaching it from that shallow of a perspective? Because that's disappointing enough to me to make me swear …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 06:36 PM
77

I am endlessly amazed by the myriad of ways they find to A. not care and B. show us they don't care. Like it takes creativity to devalue someone else in that many different ways. At least it gives us more chances to see the signs and weed them out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 06:24 PM
11

Needed to hear this, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 01:43 PM
19

Okay, so this is obviously not the main point here, but where the heck is the officiant?! I am a wedding officiant (as a pastor) and it is my job to keep the service running smoothly. I would have intervened at the first outburst and any officiant worth his/her salt, religious or secular, would have the knowledge and training of how to defuse that. Solves none of the relational tomfoolery on display here, but from a place of professional critique, wtf?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 03:04 AM
13

So proud of you. We are with you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 02:53 AM
213

The reason this post (and others like it) and the comments are so important is that this experience is SO ISOLATING and yet it's SO COMMON. I had no idea until I was on FDS that this was something that happened to other women. I thought I was uniquely unlovable that this kept happening to me. I spent 8 months marinating in crippling shame, thinking I had misread everything, thinking I was crazy and deluded for thinking we were in a relationship, only to be told he "didn't like me like that." Jus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:06 PM
11

omg that's hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:00 PM
23

Yep. I regret the most the vulnerability I shared with men who didn't value it. I can never get those pieces of myself back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 01:38 PM
13

I snorted
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 03:27 AM
24

Here's what I've also realized: the micro and the macro reinforce each other. I am more vulnerable to individual LVM because the patriarchy gaslights me, and I am worn down more by the patriarchy because of being undermined by individual men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 03:24 AM
3

yes yes YES
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 03:10 AM
12

Praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 03:06 AM
8

Yeah, like please congratulate yourself even harder. I'm sure that's very helpful to all the women you used and discarded. Aren't the future women in your life lucky that they're getting You 2.0? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 09:50 PM
7

Oh my God, this makes everything suddenly make sense. I didn't know about the "hold and read" option that would then allow him to appear attentive because the read receipt would only show up hours/days later and he would then "quickly" respond. Holy shit. What a jerk. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 05:29 PM
7

Sadly, I did not take this approach in 2020 and am now licking my wounds as I work on leveling up. But I'm now seriously considering taking the remainder of this pandemic to not just not date, but actively try to limit or eliminate all contact with straight men. I think it might do me a world of good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:45 PM
16

Bet he found it rather than bought it. Can you even buy a Pandora box? It doesn't make sense. Bet it's his mom's too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:17 PM
20

And there's the other thing, it can happen on both a micro and a macro level. Like you can slowly be leeched of your ability to articulate and believe your own perspective by one or more specific men, or just by the suffocating male perspective in general that dominates everything and gaslights us 24/7. I've never been in a full-on abusive relationship with a man, but I've had so many "nice" but ultimately dismissive men in my life that I struggle to believe my own reality. They get us coming an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:16 PM
17

Exactly. What they've actually missed out on is developing a personality, ethics, an inner life, and the ability to see and empathize with other people. What trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:10 PM
21

This is so important. The patriarchy is gaslighting us so effectively that we are actually less capable of feeling/expressing anger than our more economically oppressed foremothers. What a shitshow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:08 PM
11

Exactly, it seems like every single profile talks about travel and/or looking for a travel partner. Aside from the clownery you're pointing out, as a confirmed homebody I never know what to say. I'm not looking to travel the world, so, sorry...?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:07 PM
11

Good for you. Hold your head up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:05 PM
59

I hear that and I understand your embarrassment (been there myself), but don't forget the beautiful quality of commitment and intentionality in how you love that that behavior reflects. You can live into that quality in a different way that maintains your dignity and self-respect. Someone is going to be very lucky to have someone who loves as well as you do, and next time you'll only be giving that gift to someone who truly deserves it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 03:44 PM
5

Reminds me of the saying: if you can dream it, you can do it! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:58 PM
56

He doesn't care. He never did. I have to keep telling myself that over and over, until it becomes the default reality--because it already is that, I've just been unable to believe it because I blind myself with false hope. I've behaved as though the LVM was the exception and I kept striking out, unlucky me. Surely they will behave right as long as I keep working harder and harder to be perfect, to become what they want. I must learn to live with the reality that most men are low value and will t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:50 PM
0

This is so helpful, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:13 PM
11

God, this is exhausting. My dad loved this musical and used to make us watch it as kids. My mom would never watch it with us. In retrospect, that tells me a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:57 PM
6

That's exactly it, I'm SO grateful his selfish energy will never pollute my home
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:44 PM
5

I'm so sorry you went through that. But I love your energy--teach me! :) Honestly I think it would do me a world of good to adopt an Ice Queen Bitch persona for 2021!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:32 PM
5

This is giving me a lot to think about, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:29 PM
17

I'm an ordained clergywoman. Can confirm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:15 PM
9

I worry about this too. Like am I mistrustful and what I think is intuition is really just my insecurity flaring up? Has my intuition been skewed by my previous negative experiences? I will say that often I think my intuition is at war with my propensity for hope/denial. Blah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:05 PM
10

No, those were not his exact words, that’s the condensed meaning of his self-justifying word salad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:03 AM
296

Exactly. Your politics reflect your values, and your values reflect your character, the essence of who you are. If you and he don't mesh there, you're fundamentally incompatible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 09:31 PM
32

The more that I think about it, the more I think you're right. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 08:10 PM
6

FDS has made that much difference in my life, that quickly, and I'm so grateful. If this had happened 3 months ago, I would have been devastated and done even more damage to myself than he did to me. Thank you, FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 07:08 PM
30

"a candle wrapped like a hobo's 40 oz" I am dying, you have just redeemed 2020
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 06:58 PM
28

And a fair number (probably way more than we know) perpetrate domestic violence
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 05:00 PM
48

Right? This reminds me of the time a co-worker kept calling me after hours, and when I complained to our supervisor, he said it should be a problem because the caller was gay and so couldn't be harassing me. A. It doesn't have to be sexual harassment to be harassment, and B. Eff off with this gaslighting and diminishment of my experience! I deserve privacy at home!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:56 PM
27

Did this to myself but have learned the hard way. Steering clear from here on out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:54 PM
3

Thought I was going to be cracking open my mini bottles of champagne for a romantic NYE with my ex. Instead will be doing it with myself in my lovely new home!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:38 PM
22

THANK you. I am so done letting men dictate my reality. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:34 PM
39

Nailed it! I should have left when I realized the man does not even own a vacuum cleaner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:34 PM
33

That's disgusting, I'm so sorry you had to put up with that awful manipulation. Why do they have to try to steal our joy? Congratulations on your degree and being shed of that train wreck of a man. For anyone else who doesn't have a strategy for dealing with manipulative suicide threats (or genuine ones, the strategy is the same): call 911 as soon as someone threatens suicide. If they're seriously in need of help, they'll get it from trained professionals. If they're just being manipulative shit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:33 PM
84

This is an important reminder/warning, and thank you! Deleted his pictures from my phone this morning and threw his "Christmas gift" in the trash--a janky ass candle in a brown paper bag with torn up brown paper as "tissue paper." *eyeroll* To think I was touched by that because he said he doesn't like giving gifts, ooo, I thought, I must be special because he got me this (in retrospect very low effort) gift! Am also removing myself from activities with our friend group (because I know myself an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:27 PM
547

He recently bought a house too, but his is a hole in the ground compared to mine. It's like I made his dick look small because my savings and strategic choices resulted in a nicer house than his. sorry not sorry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:15 PM
49

Ooo, this hurts because it's so true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:49 PM
165

Can confirm, got dumped last night by the last one. May be the best thing that's happened to me in 2020.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:45 PM
5

Brilliant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:59 AM
54

I was groomed by a male teacher from junior high all the way through high school. Have only started to unpack that over the last 2 years. Caused me lasting damage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:40 PM
94

Absolutely! I'm 38 and have never been in a long term relationship--never married, no kids. I used to think that was a deficit, but I am now relishing the financial and emotional independence I have because of that. I didn't grow up with much financial literacy, so ended up with student loan debt, bought a brand new car for way too much money when I was 27, and generally didn't know what I was doing. On Thanksgiving of 2014 I found myself crying in a parking lot because my little sister, who was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:33 PM
171

This is a great point--thank you! Good news is that I'm having the doors rekeyed first thing next week, so I should be good. But I appreciate your mentioning it--women can never be too careful with their safety!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:12 PM
47

I think this is the same argument for not having sex too soon. Don't share unearned intimacy, whether physical or emotional. I deeply regret sharing my trauma too soon. As I look back I can see I was using my own pain to try to build connection to someone else who in retrospect didn't deserve it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:29 PM
13

I've been there too. Still working my way out of it, tbh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:13 PM
106

I am at the top of my field at 38 and it's become clear to me that one of the reasons is I've never had a LTR. No man holding me back/dragging me down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:19 AM
22

Dating as a pastor is the WORST. 90% of them completely de-sexualize me (which is honestly exactly what I want for most interactions but I do need the dude I'm seeing to see me as a woman) and the other 10% fetishize me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:13 AM
17

Woke me the eff up the first time I read the FDS post about how every bit of "self-care" pushed on us is designed to make us better consumers or more consumable ourselves. And the constant negging of us that is marketing means that our quest for self-love pits our one individual psyche against the power of a billion-dollar industry. But we feel like failures if we struggle to love ourselves. See anything wrong with this picture?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:08 AM
14

good LORD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 05:49 PM
91

Gee, I wonder why a lot of young women don't want to get married. It's like adopting a gigantic toddler you're expected to have sex with who also might kill you. What the hell is the point? This is the TRUTH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:07 PM
5

Right? Honestly I'm so grateful for this kind of content because it helps take the Disney-induced stars out of my eyes and reminds me that I am LUCKY to have never been married rather than an unwanted failure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:50 PM
20

"anger that belonged to me"--that's powerful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 02:54 PM
37

You know, I'm starting to think my lack of conformity to traditional beauty standards is a real blessing. I think it's shielded me from legions of LVM who treat me as if I'm invisible. It may have saved me from a lot of hurt and exploitation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 02:31 PM
20

This makes it clear to me how much healing I still need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 10:05 PM
39

Good for you. This is the energy I'm striving for in 2021. Do less. Be lazier. They can take it or leave it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:29 AM
12

"Half-baked man-children" is IT, sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:28 AM
10

So proud of you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:27 AM
48

It's pretty f*cking sad that mainstream masculinity and actual mental illness (marriage to an inanimate object) are so close as to be virtually indistinguishable. I quit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:20 AM
232

For real, this is upsetting, my radar is screaming she needs to get out of there NOW
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:15 AM
36

This is brilliant. I am SO TIRED of being the only one in my relationships willingly putting myself through the Never-Ending Self-Improvement Olympics. I will continue to pursue my own growth, but only for my own flourishing. I'm done forcing myself through it to try and prove myself worthy of others' love. #done
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 11:00 PM
127

FDS inspiring me to declare an embargo on logistical/emotional labor for men has been utterly life changing. Props to you, queen, on to the new era of your reign!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 10:57 PM
5

I totally hear you on this. The refrain I've heard from the patriarchy my entire life is, "You're getting too big for your britches." The number of times I've hidden my light because I'm terrified of hearing this again is shocking and tragic. No more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 10:29 PM
1

This is me and it's FINALLY making sense. I could never understand why when I worked so hard to be a good girl, to mold myself into what I thought he wanted, that I always got left behind. Now, I'm going to be lazier in relationships. I'm going to do less and demand more. And ten bucks says my relationship history is going to start turning around. Thank you, FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 10:19 PM
13

Sometimes I think HVM are simply a mirage and don't actually exist, but your story reminds me of an encounter I had with one. I had a colleague I was on a work trip with with a whole group of folks to another country. We had lunch at an outdoor market and we only had limited time to grab food and go. I accidentally ordered something that was so hot it was literally unpalatable to me. This colleague swapped lunches with me even though he wasn't a huge fan of spicy food either. It was so kind, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 08:47 PM
5

Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped forever on the Island of Self-Improvement, running endless circles of trying to fix myself enough to be worthy of a man. I quit. Men do sh*t to be worthy of us, why am I exhausting myself like this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 03:18 PM
3

"taking a dump out of the window" I love it, maybe we should lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 03:13 PM
54

I'm so sorry you've been through this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 02:38 PM
18

praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 10:23 PM
10

Way to go! Aspiring to join you in this energy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 10:21 PM
16

SO accurate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 06:59 PM
87

I do marriage counseling and this is 100% true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 06:55 PM
4

Wow, I really resonated with this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 06:45 PM
6

Well, this is hellishly depressing. But honestly, part of the needed ongoing painful wakeup call that is FDS. The subject-object stuff makes a lot of things make sense. As sad as it is, it actually makes me feel a little less ashamed for "never being enough" for a man. If I'm an object, there will always be a newer model he can "upgrade" to. Planned obsolescense, anyone?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 03:13 PM
7

Hold your head up! And don't apologize--this is painful and your grief is valid. We are rooting for you as you continue to walk forward into your next phase of life and leveling up. You are of infinite worth!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 03:08 PM
48

There is never a "correct" number of sexual partners for a woman. If it's "too many" you're a whore, if it's "too few" you're a frigid prude, and you could get either label for literally the same number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:42 PM
10

"They're a waste of time" SOOOOO true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:27 PM
29

"...this deeply disturbing but unprecedented situation." The f*ck it is unprecedented. Vulnerable women of all ages in care facilities undergo horrific abuse all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:22 PM
9

That was POWERFUL. Thank you for sharing that! Every FDSer should read. Rather, every woman should read!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 03:11 AM
5

Yeah, that one probably resonated with me most of the whole list. It's awful, and it's true, and it totally warps things. Thanks again for posting
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 03:04 AM
11

Needed to hear this. And he can be a good man without being the right man. These are the ones who "look good on paper" and you feel like you should be into them because God knows men with any kind of moral integrity are few and far between. But at the end of the day, if he doesn't melt your butter, you need to walk away--for both of your sakes. I am preaching to myself with this comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:59 AM
110

I'm so grateful to FDS to waking me up to this. I am declaring a total embargo on logistical labor for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:46 AM
7

Wow. There was a lot going on in that article. I'm not sure what I think about all of it, but it's definitely food for thought--thank you for sharing it! Are they really and truly that one- dimensional? Or is that another excuse for bad behavior?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:43 AM
32

Common law partnerships, see link. "A "Boston marriage" was, historically, the cohabitation of two wealthy women, independent of financial support from a man. The term is said to have been in use in New England in the late 19th/early 20th century. Some of these relationships were romantic in nature and might now be considered a lesbian relationship; others were not...Some women in Boston marriages did so because they felt they had a better connection to women than to men.[4][6][7] Some of these …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 08:22 PM
9

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_marriage#:~:text=A%20%22Boston%20marriage%22%20was%2C,late%2019th%2Fearly%2020th%20century.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 08:21 PM
31

I deal with this (in non Covid times) with healthy, boundaried avenues of physical touch, primarily massages and partnered dance (swing, salsa, etc)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:57 PM
68

In the old days, like late 19th/early 20th century in the US, this was called "a Boston marriage." Some were authentic, loving lesbian relationships, and some were straight women being like "fuck this shit" when it came to building a life with a NVM and building their own friendship life partnership together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:55 PM
79

I hate how these men ruin the innocence and sweetness of our genuine affection for them. They rob us of hope and confidence, and that's unconscionable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:50 PM
79

That's horrible. I'm so sorry you went through that. We are supporting you here--hang in there through the holidays!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:47 PM
93

Women are so thoughtful about how they love. People like you make me curse being (mostly) straight. That kind of attention to detail is going to make you such a gift to your partner, or to yourself if you decide to solo jam!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:22 PM
30

get it, girl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:19 PM
6

Good for you! Give him hell and get out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:14 PM
17

One of us should start a side hustle as a Divorce Party Planner. It would be rad and FDS would be a built in client base/hype squad. I would SO go to any of your parties
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 05:14 PM
15

Me tooooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:58 PM
16

This is SO true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:56 PM
145

I've always felt like a failure for never being married or having a serious long term relationship, but now that I'm an FDSer, I'm SO GRATEFUL for it. I have growing investments, am closing on a home in 10 days, robust savings with room to do some improvement projects on my new house, a rich network of friends and family, a hobby/passion that I adore, and am KILLING it in my career. I've been recruited out/headhunted into my last three professional roles, and in my current one I'm at the top of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:25 PM
27

And here's the thing too: when you're wanting someone to care for and support you skillfully, intentionally, and consistently, you don't know anyone in the world more capable of that than yourself. No one could ever know, understand, or meet your needs more effectively than you can, so relish that shit. Savor it. Wallow in it, even. You've finally found the person who can treat you like the queen you are, and it's yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:20 PM
68

I know that's right
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 06:09 PM
3

SO helpful. It was mind blowing. Felt like I was reading my entire childhood in every single page.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 01:47 PM
13

Yeah, all the gushing about their kids seems a bit inauthentic and also transparently trying to make us say, "Aw! what a great guy!" *eyeroll*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 01:34 PM
4

You're right, it's like instant proof that he's already failed as a husband and father. No thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 01:27 PM
22

And I'm realizing more and more that I'm just not going to do all that emotional/social/physical/mental labor while my boyfriend/husband mooches off of it. I'm just not. I refuse. Which probably means I'm going to be single. Which I'm also realizing I'm fine with. The sweet taste of liberation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 01:24 PM
7

"We project what we wish they were onto them"--guilty :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:38 AM
31

Someone posted/commented here recently that "the honeymoon phase" is a patriarchal myth used to create and justify a forever after where the man puts in no effort. I've thought about that a lot since I read it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:32 AM
5

Me too, sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 01:39 AM
21

I know, this is legit one of the saddest things I have ever read. Talk about a warning from Pickme Hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 01:48 PM
86

You are making me SO grateful I am single and childfree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 09:49 PM
114

What a man! That is beautiful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 06:01 PM
9

We're proud of you! Welcome to the Court of the Queens!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 06:19 PM
1

Ha! #truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 05:16 PM
6

"most men after 40 look like a truck" so true sis but they think they've got some kind of Transformer quality going on with their truckness. No, dude, you're not Optimus Prime, you're a craptastic 84 rusty Datsun pickup chronically low on gas, GTFO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 03:59 PM
26

Like honestly, of everything I've read on FDS, somehow this was the thing that broke me. If we take this at face value (which I know may not be wise), everything is WORKING in this relationship. He has a woman he loves who loves him. And he STILL wants to destroy it and thereby destroy her. They really hate us, don't they? I don't think I really understood it until now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 03:18 PM
3

That's exactly it. Women's lives could be called "The Eternal Quest for Self-Improvement" while men's are "I'm Entitled To Every G*ddamn Thing In the World Without Ever Lifting a Finger Myself."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 03:11 PM
12

Dearest, just want to say here with love that there is no such thing as "mildly abusive." ANY abuse is abuse, full stop. It is reprehensible and you don't deserve it. You can't "mildly murder" someone or "mildly rob" someone, and you can't "mildly abuse" someone. Take care of yourself--you deserve the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 02:48 PM
3

LOVE that picture! Way to go, Miss Dorothy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 02:42 PM
2

Yep, this was hellishly convicting and utterly necessary for me to read
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 04:00 PM
3

Hey, please make sure you get the help you need. Self-harm is no joke. Call or text a crisis hotline and place safety structures around you if this self-harm reference is literal. We see you, we are supporting you. Take care of yourself, you are of infinite worth and we value you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 03:45 PM
11

It's true, integrity is my biggest turn on. You want some WAP? Show me that big, hard, throbbing set of moral and ethical commitments you actually live out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 03:30 PM
2

Count me in!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 01:42 PM
70

This is so important. And it reminds me once again that my personal choices, what I enable or resist in my relationships with men, matter for far more than my individual self. I have a responsibility to boot LVM out of my life not just for myself and my emotional well-being, but for the sake of all my sisters. Each time one of us raises and defends our standards, the slow-building global chorus of "we're not putting up with this anymore" gets louder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 01:22 PM
10

Hold your head up! Your new reign as a Queen is beginning and we are proud to be part of it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 01:15 PM
8

This is super helpful, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 01:12 PM
21

me too I just shout-laughed in my empty apartment and I'm pretty sure my neighbors heard me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 02:04 PM
8

Way to level up, sis! You're a star!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:59 PM
6

I've been working on this myself for awhile, and I can say that it gets easier over time. As some of the other commenters have said, start small. Every small service that you ask for and receive lessens that fear of rejection, and every time you see that it genuinely gives people pleasure to help you, you feel like less of a burden. It starts to turn into a natural and energizing flow of giving and receiving, rather than the eternal resentment-building one-sided giving and self-sufficiency you'v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:52 PM
37

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:30 PM
3

What a star. I love dancing to her music.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:47 AM
383

We don't allow men to dictate our appearance. Ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 02:44 AM
7

We don't just live in a double bind. We're being strangled to death by a spider web of contradictory imperatives and expectations. And FDS is the MF Sword of Righteousness we use to cut it all to pieces!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 02:28 AM
3

ME ME ME THIS IS ME. Girl, I feel you (ha), thank you for articulating this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 02:06 AM
51

I'm so sorry. This sounds so painful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 01:53 AM
52

We've got you, slow and steady, you're already leveling up! Welcome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 01:07 PM
10

Exactly. I tend to pick up at least one truly excellent gay male friend in every context I live/work in, so by this point I have quite a harem. And we've seen each other through thick and thin. They can't quite handle the level of gore that a girlfriend can (periods, etc) but otherwise they're ride or die and have the best dirty jokes around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 01:01 PM
30

Exhaustingly accurate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 12:39 PM
34

Today I set a boundary with a man I am seeing, and I think that's literally the first time I've ever done that in my life. This is my biggest concrete step out of Pickme land so far. I am proud and shaking in my boots. I keep wanting to take it back--what if he's mad?--but then I realize that this boundary is important to me and it's not worth being in a relationship with him if he won't respect it. I could not have done this without FDS. Thank you, sisters, especially for your support for those…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 09:51 PM
21

Oh, for God's sake. Does the research itself not state that women don't need men? That we're so flush with talent and power that the cohort of men able to live up to us is miniscule? So what's the problem? Team FDS is not going to be out slashing other women's Achilles' to get to these LVM we're supposedly entering some Hunger Games style competition to snare, as this article would have us believe. We'll just be over here quietly being awesome. Alone. Unless and until a male musters himself to l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:20 PM
2

This was awesome, thank you so much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:12 PM
14

I am a pastor who has performed close to a hundred weddings and also have significant academic knowledge of the history of religious wedding rites. I have never performed a wedding where a woman has pledged to worship a man. That's actually blasphemous, btw. If there's any glimmer of an actual historical allusion here it's the old British wedding rite which says, "With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow." This is said by BOTH partners to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 02:18 PM
18

I appreciate that this is the detail that caught your attention--it cracks me up, and also, you're right!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:52 PM
5

omg you women slay me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:44 PM
7

I never thought of things this way, you're totally right
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:43 PM
10

I spit out my coffee
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:41 PM
2

"Weapons grade mooch" I love it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 04:38 AM
2

yesssssss
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 03:47 AM
15

I needed to hear this. I'm more ambitious and successful than the man in my life and I think I need to wake up
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 01:42 PM
1

Self-pitying asshat
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 12:48 AM
12

"Obsessed with an ex" for men means stalking, fantasizing about violence, texting at all hours, making fake social media accounts, calling his new girl by her name during sex, revenge porn, etc. "Obsessed with an ex" for a woman means attending therapy and doing the homework, purging pain by crying with friends, processing trauma, and otherwise responsibly working toward moving on by not sweeping the pain under the rug. You work it through until you're done, and then you level up. Men have no to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 01:51 PM
3

nailed it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 01:46 PM
9

God, this is sad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 01:21 PM
10

But guyyyyyyss, I don't WANT concrete evidence that my partner values and esteems me! *eyeroll*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 01:17 PM
6

No LVM is our holiday gift to ourselves! Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 01:13 PM
9

Huge fan of Caitlin. LA mom slays me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 11:52 PM
6

So proud of all the women on here and everything they've overcome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:54 PM
4

Or it would be if they'd ever scrubbed a frying pan in their lives
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:39 PM
8

100%. Absolute toad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 01:24 PM
33

God, this is insightful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 08:25 PM
16

#eyeroll
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:03 PM
4

WOW this was a seriously awakening post for me--thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:59 PM
2

Oh, dearest, I'm so sorry. This is so hard. Hold your head up. And my honest to God advice is just hold on until your 30s. Your 30s are ASTRONOMICALLY better than your 20s because you're really going to start to come into your power--although you're already doing that now! You can make it, and we're here to help!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:55 PM
7

A gajillion bucks says he's married
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:47 PM
57

JeSUS these men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:28 PM
20

I just...I just give up on men. I cannot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:22 PM
7

exACTly. FFS give me some decent prose or I'm not reading it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:19 PM
6

It's horrifying
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:03 PM
2

Just when I think they can't find another way to put us in a double bind, they do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 06:44 PM
2

Omg he's TOTALLY That Guy, in every possible way
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 05:48 PM
3

You know, I've often coped with anxiety at parties by helping clean. I'm an introvert, and when the small talk gets to be too much, having a "job" that takes you away from it honestly helps. Not saying it's a good thing, just naming this pattern for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:58 PM
19

Seconded. A good man vs. a nice guy. I want a man of integrity. Y'all let me know if you ever come across one, I'm not holding my breath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 02:36 AM
2

Game changer for me too once I found out about it. Solidarity!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 10:29 PM
2

Wow. I am genuinely shocked by this. Like I think FDS principles are sinking in at a deeper level just from having watched this. They really have no inclination or capability to be at all civilized, do they?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 07:56 PM
3

And the thing is, if his living space is dirty, his body is dirty. Not only is a dude who's not maintaining his space less likely to be properly maintaining himself and his clothes, how can he be clean or get clean in a filthy space? Like there's a reason we don't wash dishes in the trashcan or do laundry in a ditch (although I wouldn't put that past some of these cretins).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 07:38 PM
28

Yep. Straight up selfishness and laziness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:10 PM
11

Tonight on Heinously Relatable, 8/7 central
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:10 PM
2

Been there. Done that. Never again--and I rely on this sub to keep me in line!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:01 PM
8

I'm a sucker for short men of noble character. Sadly I've found that the "noble character" part is a short-lived (ha!) illusion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 04:40 PM
11

Damn right, sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 04:35 PM
21

I feel the same way. I want to be sure I'm not being naive, but I don't like the additional emotional labor of policing his phone. If I feel like I need to, that means I should get out. Totally respect that this is not the way for everyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 04:28 PM
8

I'm so glad the FDS Intervention has gotten me signed up for PickMe Rehab before Christmas so I don't engage in any gift-giving clownf*ckery. I have done it before, but not anymore!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 04:22 PM
31

Said he couldn't ethically date me me anymore because he was sure my little sister was in love with him. Meanwhile my little sister barely knows him, had been polite to him in passing once for my sake, and this tool is convinced she wants him. Also: he clearly wants the 4 years younger (and 4 years more naive and manipulable) me. Next for me and for little sis--I wouldn't let him within a mile of her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 08:42 PM
36

Our instincts never lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 08:38 PM
62

Applebee's = StruggleDick
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 08:36 PM
61

This is so sad. It's like Black Friday for Red Flags. Get 'em all!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 08:35 PM
1

Preach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 08:18 PM
6

And it was SO BADLY WRITTEN. Like, terrible relationships and plot and cliches aside, FFS give these children some decent prose, they deserve at least that much if they're going to stunt their own relationship futures over this utter tripe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 08:15 PM
19

" If pussy cured men we’d all be walking Mayo Clinics" I am CRYING
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:54 PM
11

Real talk, sis. Total B.S.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:43 PM
4

Embarrassing how many times I've played into this. No more!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:41 PM
15

I needed to hear this, thank you. I think "building" is just one more rationalization for wasting years of our lives dating "potential" and being so sure that if we just love and are patient enough, they can level up to become functioning members of society. Fools errand, one I still feel tempted to go on. Working on it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:40 PM
3

What in the actual f*ck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:31 PM
3

Yeah, like...none of us live like this...?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:02 PM
21

But it's a long slow learning for a lot of us because we're so indoctrinated by exactly the romance-industrial complex you're describing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 02:22 AM
28

I agree, I always found this interview transparently self-congratulatory. Virtue signalling and wokefishing before that was a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 11:27 PM
3

Keep your chin up! We're with you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 10:27 PM
22

Way to break it off--your line asking why they would want to date him was brilliant--and reclaim who you are and how YOU want to look. You're a star!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 10:20 PM
16

Girls give so much credit to lazy men and make so many excuses for them, when they wouldn’t dream of being so thoughtless and selfish to their partner in return. This is SO true. And I am DONE being shamed for my standards. Find them out, accept them, live up to them, or GTFO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:51 PM
30

My old LVM boss used to files his nails during staff meetings. Sweeping nail dust all over the place. Was so disrespectful (personal grooming in front of us? on work time?) and he knew we all hated it, and so he kept doing it. Specifically because he KNEW it grossed us out. Power play. What a dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:42 PM
15

Very well put, sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:40 PM
6

Good point. He was in my friend circle, and after we both had break ups (mine late last year, his early this year), we started spending more time together, and there you go. Need to set firmer emotional boundaries from day one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:30 PM
7

I love the idea of this utility approach--thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:26 PM
5

JeSUS painfully accurate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 03:00 PM
2

I clearly don't believe this, I watch myself trying to prove myself to men all the time, which is why I need to save it and learn it and internalize it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:57 PM
6

Oh FFS. What a tool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:42 PM
17

I don't disagree with you on any of this. What frustrates me is that it puts all the power in HIS hands to define the relationship. When HE says we're dating, when HE says you're his girlfriend, etc. Do we ever have the power to say what's happening? Or is our only power kicking him to the curb if he doesn't step up? It grates on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:29 PM
2

It makes me so sad that all of us assume "someone you know has unconditional love for you" could never be a male partner or husband, but we all know the score and it's true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 01:35 AM
1

JeSUS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:51 PM
1

heterosexuality feels like a conspiracy at times YES
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:59 PM
2

The first ad on this page when I clicked on it was "early signs of HIV." Color me shocked that the dudes who frequent this page would be regularly googling STIs. Betrayed by an algorithm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:16 PM
4

"the Cheeto dust finally settles" I am SLAIN
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:02 PM
6

Incredibly tidy summary of the double bind, well done, madam.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 06:11 PM
9

GIRL I feel you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 06:09 PM
18

God save me from Fuckboy Philosophy Majors, aka the Seat of All Mansplaining
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 06:07 PM
26

I should have seen this red flag in my last relationship. He would always be supportive and respectful around me, but when his boys showed up, he would ignore me and never challenge their horrible demeaning jokes about women. I will never forget how alone and invisible I felt when his bro would roll up and greet him with a joke about fisting his mom and they both would laugh and ignore me. Thank God I'm out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:41 PM
13

PRAISE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:35 PM
15

I VIVIDLY remember being in preschool and learning that, as a girl, if I wanted friends, I couldn't do anything that would result in the label of "bossy." In retrospect, I was being a leader, but I let my light be squashed. Now letting it shine bright and the consequences be damned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:25 PM
7

Tangentially related, but "we're taught that men choose the women that they will marry (not that it's a mutual decision)" struck a nerve. My little sister was rightfully calling me out on my pickme ways (which I'm trying to ditch asap) and said, "Why are you always letting the men define the nature of your relationship with them? Why don't you get a say in defining what's between you?" And I also just realized I was gaslit about this for 9 months with a guy. He acted like my boyfriend and then t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:19 PM
13

#truth Meanwhile I hope Christina is leveling the fuck up, going back to school or whatever is her next good move, and getting herself a HVM stat. Or reigning solo if that's her jam.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:09 PM
8

I've thought about this too and all I can come up with is societal indoctrination with myths of what happiness is--the instagrammable wedding. We women are taught that it is our job to live up to standards, and men are taught they they are the ones who get to create the standards and/or benefit from them without putting in any work. So we feel this pressure to have this beautiful, picture perfect engagement/wedding/life. It may not even be an authentic desire, but we're interpreting the pressure…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:05 PM
5

Right?! Jeez were we sold a bill of goods.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 04:20 PM
5

GIRL I have been there. And wasted literally months of my life on it. More than once, the more fool me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 04:15 PM
15

Emotional blackmail, that's exactly it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 03:40 AM
1

Hold your head up! You are worthy and beautiful and he isn't worth the shit you scrape off your shoe!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 02:44 AM
3

Just realized that I keep excellent boundaries in every area of my life except with men. This is actually encouraging because it tells me I do actually have the skill and soul power to set firm boundaries, I just have to use them with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 02:41 AM
9

I know! I saw that video recently of Michelle Obama explaining that her engagement was basically Barack giving her a "shut up ring," (like he explicitly said that to her), and I was like FFS. If HE'S doing that to a woman like HER, what hope do the rest of us poor schmucks have to be treated well? :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 12:13 AM
1

I'm seeing them differently. I have a weekly professional conference call with me (straight woman), a lesbian woman colleague, and a straight man colleague. Just noticed today how much emotional labor my woman colleague and I do for our male colleague. He takes up 80% of the airtime and it's us sympathizing with his professional challenges, making him feel better. Never noticed it pre-FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 12:08 AM
1

omgggggg me toooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 11:59 PM
2

I know that's right
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 11:58 PM
3

A man posting with this violent of imagery is headed for acting it out in real life. She needs to get out for her own and her child's safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:29 PM
3

And I'll bet you anything he has done exactly nothing to improve his work situation. Hasn't searched for ways to improve his current job (talking with supervisor, mentally reframing things) or work toward something better (pursue alternative training, work on his resume, side hustle). Just relishes complaining and self-pity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:27 PM
2

Amen, me too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:23 PM
2

This is so familiar it HURTS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:22 PM
2

For REAL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:22 PM
3

Nailed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:21 PM
5

I think it refers to those situations where you quit answering his texts/calls, and then 2 days/a week/a month later he reaches out. A pickme interprets that as "he misses me! he's reaching out!" whereas a HVW recognizes it for the lazy attitude it actually represents, which is "I'm reaching out to you because I'm bored and/or the woman I was trying to get with instead of you rejected me."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:13 PM
1

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 09:48 PM
3

damn right, mofos
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:41 PM
4

Hold the line, Queen! You are worth better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:38 PM
4

Right?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:20 PM
7

thank you LORD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:17 PM
4

your gut always knows what’s up before you do SO TRUE, I just need to listen better lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:04 PM
32

Seconded. I have a HVM youngish guy friend who asked me for pointers on how to break up with a girl respectfully (and in asking for that advice, he didn't inappropriately break confidence and share details of their relationship). He followed my advice to the letter. I've since seen the girl and while I know it was painful for her, she's bounced back well, and one major reason is that he broke up with her in the most caring way he could, and was humble enough to seek out help in doing that. HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 05:59 PM
1

That's awesome, I definitely want to try that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:28 PM
49

This is helpful, thank you. I do find myself mentally rewarding men for the most basic decent behavior, like remembering to do what I ask them to do. It's all stuff I would consider the absolute bare minimum for my own behavior but here I am handing out halos like St. Peter himself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:27 PM
1

Yep, and I'm working really hard on not hiding my achievements and intelligence to make men feel more secure. I busted my tail to get where I am, and if you're threatened by it, show yourself the door.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:11 PM
1

Way to go!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 09:16 PM
5

I can see these tendencies you're describing in myself--thank you for pointing them out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:56 PM
2

Oh, sweetheart. Please stop saying "I have never been an instagram page that does x, y, and z." You've never been an instagram page at all. And if you are objectifying yourself that easily, I'm not surprised that this is the relationship you've ended up in and are forced to defend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:13 PM
2

preach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:05 PM
3

That was my reaction exactly. You can't be expected to remember what she asks for and needs in bed? I bet you can remember the precise batting average of whatever 90s baseball player you're still in love with, or the cheat code to 50 different video games, you dickhead. I have a lovely man in my life--who I'm not even seeing and has never received an ounce of sexual gratification from me--and I swear he remembers every word I say, back to offhand comments literally months ago. If they want to, t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:04 PM
4

Lord JESUS I feel seen #guilty
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 07:54 PM
5

This is so helpful--really gaming it out over time. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 07:47 PM
3

Hold your head up. You are loved by so many people in your life (including us!) and no NVM could ever compete with that or take that away from you. Care for yourself and lean on us--you are on your way to bigger and better things!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 07:40 PM
3

Me too! Most redeeming part of 2020 for sure
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 06:21 PM
8

I'm realizing exactly what you're saying as I reflect on my current therapy experience. My therapist keeps pushing me to do OLD and also to show vulnerability to one specific man in my life whom I have strong instincts will not value it and will reject me. So maybe I need to rethink this therapy relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 05:46 PM
8

Thank you, this is so helpful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 05:28 PM
15

I guarantee you that's why I don't want kids of my own, but I keep getting tripped up with these dudes in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 05:27 PM
9

This is exactly the kind of accountability I need, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 05:27 PM
1

WHOA this hit me hard. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:52 PM
5

Omg, the ACME dick absolutely slays me, that is hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:46 PM
2

I know that's right!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:44 PM
7

And I cannot WAIT until I level up enough to be able to actually do that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:44 PM
5

Oh preach
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:36 PM
25

God, that is so painful, I'm so sorry. Talk about behavioral conditioning. Props to you for breaking out of it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:23 PM
13

This is super helpful, thank you so much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:17 PM
22

I need to cross-stitch "I am not an asshole rehabilitation center" and hang it on my living room wall
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:15 PM
27

Amen and amen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:11 PM
10

#devastatinglyrelatable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:09 PM
25

Oh praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:04 PM
3

Cry it out, and then hold your head up! We believe in you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 03:22 PM
2

Yes, yes, yes! Thank you for this reminder! We owe it to our foremothers to honor their self-respect and strength with our own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 03:21 PM
2

It's super painful, isn't it? But I'm trying to reframe it for myself and ask "how/where/from whom can I experience all the love and fulfillment I've been wanting to get from a man"? Because it's there. Just because there is a drought of good men does not mean there is a drought of love and fulfillment, we just have to look in different places. But I think you're super wise to acknowledge and walk through your grief and pain--it's very real and it's important. Love to you on this journey!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 03:20 PM
2

Way to GO!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 09:29 PM
3

"The stress of chasing this fool" *I feel seen* lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 08:03 PM
1

Praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 04:08 PM
1

This is honestly so painful. She can't defend herself. Men are HORRIBLE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 03:25 PM
2

Work, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 03:12 PM
5

Breaking News: Men Are Horrible. Honestly, though, reading FDS is like taking reality vitamins. I didn't even realize how much I was romanticizing men before I started getting these very needed exposures of their true intentions that I read here. So helpful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 02:46 PM
1

I struggle with this SO much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 02:37 PM
17

You too, much love, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 09:25 PM
23

Thank you! Love to you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 09:24 PM
5

What a tool
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 09:15 PM
2

Just turned 38 and new to FDS, count me in! #eldermillenial
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 03:38 AM
11

Thank you for this. I am new to FDS and so grateful to have found it so I can begin to grow through the collective wisdom here, women who are walking the walk every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 02:39 AM
1

Praise
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 08:05 PM
2

You have just named my new life ambition: to be Fly Auntie Without Kids!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 06:53 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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