I'm 28, in the middle of a divorce after 7 weeks of marriage (4 year relationship), because my wife had fallen 'out of love' but still went through with the wedding. I've learned a lot in the past few months that has made me a better man. Figured I'd share.

2012-12-19T02:17:36+00:00

Harsh lesson, Thanks for sharing.

SockBramson · 2012-12-19T04:28:50+00:00

Hearing about your new lady made me think of my current fiance. For the last 4 years I have worked a job I hate to keep a roof over our heads while she goes to school. I work my hardest to keep the stress of making rent and paying the bills off her mind. Throughout those 4 years she has done nothing but constantly remind me how proud she is of me, how she recognizes and appreciates me every day I get up and go to work. Last week she graduated with a 3.85 GPA. I am insanely proud of her.

In the coming year we will be easing into a situation where we switch roles. She will be taking on more of the financial duties while I go back to school. We're both equally excited about. I can't wait to make her proud.

ErasmusMRA · 2012-12-19T03:40:03+00:00

I think you didn't learn the complete lesson yet.

The lesson isn't just "don't settle" - it's don't let a woman make you her bitch. Don't take a submissive, solicitous posture in the relationship. Don't accept being treated with disrespect, being controlled, being made into a servant. And don't say "yes dear" to avoid disagreement or conflict.

A lot of women will try to dominate their man. If they succeed, they lose attraction and respect for him. That's what she means when she tells you "she's fallen out of love". That doesn't mean you have to try to dominate her. But you have to be indomitable.

Sure, she treated you badly. But you let her. Don't do that again!

So let me repeat. Your error wasn't just "settling" for the wrong woman. It was also taking submissive posture in the relationship. If you don't learn to avoid that, you may eventually end up in the same situation with your new girlfriend.

Spend $10 and read this book. It will explain everything.

2012-12-19T04:57:22+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, broderick. You're better off without her. Good luck.

gremlina · 2012-12-19T07:45:06+00:00

I don't get why some men stay in shitty relationships, nevermind "upgrading" them to marriage status.

I've noticed that certain men hit on me when I'm in a bad mood -- and because I'm sane, I've wondered "Why the hell would you do that? How does this seem like a good moment to hit on someone?"

What I've realized lately is that they're actually attracted to bitches and then later they're going to complain that the women they meet are all evil. If she had a history of being irrational, why would you marry her?

rightsbot · 2012-12-19T02:14:18+00:00

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itzBACON · 2012-12-19T08:20:27+00:00

I settled for 11 years. Little over a year after the divorce (which I wanted) I'm still trying to figure out how and what to do for me. So I feel you're pain, glad you got out relatively early. Also happy to hear you've found a good woman, as I have not haha.

truthjusticeca · 2012-12-19T02:46:06+00:00

Why bother with getting married ever again?

buster2209 · 2012-12-19T13:41:32+00:00

Well fuck no it isn't worth it.

I wish more men would get to this point...

comanon · 2012-12-19T05:39:58+00:00

Does she get half your stuff now?

BenjaminTH1596 · 2012-12-19T14:46:23+00:00

"Oops"

ErasmusMRA · 2012-12-19T04:00:36+00:00

Just curious, but how long did you two live together before getting married?

nmatrix9 · 2012-12-20T21:06:11+00:00

Dude, travel the world and marry a NON-NORTH AMERICAN woman.

2012-12-19T05:45:01+00:00

If you are crying in the arms of your potential wife, you are setting yourself up for a second divorce.

Seriously, take a step back and realize you don't need anyones shoulder to cry on.

springy · 2012-12-19T16:06:45+00:00

For a start, I would never, ever, have dated a women who has children. You will end up expected to treat the child as your own in terms of responsibilities, but have no rights in return. Aside from the fact she has a child, I would never date a divorced woman. Most divorces are initiated by women - which shows they lack commitment to marriage, and time and again I have heard women claim their husband was "abusive". Now, I am sure that a tiny percentage of men are indeed abusive, but in a great many of the couples I have known, the man was a pretty decent guy, but the wife threw him out due to boredom, then claimed he was abusive throughout the relationship. Of course, she kept the house, children, and savings in almost every case. Such second-hand women should be avoided at all cost. Go for a never-married women, without children, and who does not claim her ex is an abuser. Sticking to this strategy has proven to be the route to much saner relationships for me over the past decade.

ss_camaro · 2012-12-20T08:45:02+00:00

..And not quite there yet:

the nature of true honest egalitarianism. Learned it by meeting a new woman who treats me so well, it honestly brought me to tears a few times. She is an old friend and we know each other quite well. She listens to me when I cry, and holds me because she knows it makes me feel better. She has a 2 year old from another marriage...

It sounds like you have a penchant for scammers and submission. You are still very blue pill, despite one red. Did you grow up in a single mother household?

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