Question: My one night stand wants to keep the baby, I don't, am I stuck with having to pay child support?

typhonblue · 2011-12-26T20:01:12+00:00

At this point you have two choices.

You can be a father who pays child support and doesn't see his kid.

Or you can attempt to be a father who pays child support and does see his kid.

I would announce my intentions to move heaven and earth to get equal custody. Do it now and get a lawyer ready to make good on it.

Tell her you're perfectly willing to bog her down in legal bills and red tape till the child turns eighteen.

hevo4ever-reddit · 2011-12-26T13:56:45+00:00

Time for a "Hail Mary".

dontwantababyyet · 2011-12-26T10:48:32+00:00

short answer: yes.

better answer: get a paternity test to determine whether or not you are actually the father. if you don't act before your name goes down on that birth certificate, you will likely be paying regardless.

strayclown · 2011-12-26T09:27:42+00:00

Research forfeiture of parental rights. They may be a way through that. Just remember to think about all the consequences for everyone involved before you make any decisions.

CobraCommander · 2011-12-26T21:37:12+00:00

Youre paying child support.

abralin · 2011-12-28T08:47:04+00:00

You keep complaining about how it's unfair that she gets to choose the fate of the child while you have no say, but there will never be an easy solution to that problem because of biological inequalities. Women can carry children while men cannot. You don't see women getting very worked up about that fact because it really isn't something that can be helped. As for your problem, besides moving out of the country, terminating parental rights is probably your best bet but it can be tricky. If there isn't someone to adopt the child, there are other things that will get your parental rights terminated, but you probably don't want them on your record (child abuse, neglect, etc.) Right now, I'd just try reasoning with her and if that fails, find someone more knowledgable about termination of parental rights who can legally assist you.

Edit: If you can't terminate parental rights, try to establish a private child support agreement with her. It might end up costing less than what the court will mandate you pay. But then again, there are no guarantees that either you or she will uphold the agreement honestly, so be cautious.

ASubhumanMale · 2011-12-26T21:53:01+00:00

Get a paternity test. If it's not yours, go pop a bottle of champagne. If it's yours, continue on:
You're fucked. The best you can do is decide if you want to pay child support for 18 years and never see the kid, or pay child support for 18 years and play a role in parenting the child. Either way, see a lawyer immediately.

Wrap up your jimmy from now on. Women can't be trusted, ever. And men have no reproductive rights.

Bobsutan · 2011-12-26T12:02:18+00:00

She says she's quite happy for me to not be part of the child's life if that's my wish, she said she'll just be happy with child support.

Paternity test! Now that that's out of the way...

If you make it perfectly clear you'll sooner move overseas and never see the US again then be subjugated to having the fruits of your labor stolen to her for HER sole decision to keep the child, then it could get the point across and make her think twice about tapping you for CS in the first place. Could also make her reexamine her decision to have/keep the kid in the first place.

My advice, make it perfectly clear you don't want the child and will sign away all rights to the child. My hope is that she doesn't realize this would absolve you of child support obligations. It's like giving the child up for adoption in that sense.

If that doesn't work, call up the Utah adoption system and tell them you'll be putting your baby up for adoption. As soon as you can get your hands on the kid, whisk it away to Utah. If that's not going to work, then drop it off at an amnesty shelter. If the police get involved, cite equal protection laws.

Your last recourse is to follow through with the threat of disappearing and go ex-pat. Fleeing the state might be an option as well so long as she doesn't track you down, otherwise you'll have to keep moving.

The_Patriarchy · 2011-12-27T19:48:37+00:00

It's fucked up, but you and the kid may both be better off just marrying her. You're already financially tied to her for the next 18-25 years, so tying yourself a little bit more isn't as big of a deal. Plus, the kid would do much better having both parents in their life...and, despite not wanting one right now, you will very likely grow to love it very much. It may not seem that way now, but knowing your kid is out there and that you can't see them will fuck you up.

I don't want a child, can I disavow completely? Removing any right to the child ever, also removing my requirement to pay child support.

No, that's called a "financial abortion" and it's something MRAs are fighting for...but currently you do not have that option, unless you flee the country.

EDIT: if you do decide to commit...commit fully, not some half-assed resentful commitment. You may sometimes think about how much better off you'd be without your family...in those times, imagine yourself 100lbs fatter, living in your mom's basement, in stained sweat-pants...and be happy that's not your life.

MRMRising · 2011-12-27T22:27:42+00:00

Seriously, Leave the Country. If you refuse to pay the court will not hesitate to throw you in jail.If you want to fight it, contact Mel Fiet at the Nationa Center for Men, he may know of a lawyer in your state.

erydan · 2011-12-26T23:15:03+00:00

Reading all of this made me realize how much of a genius i am to have had a vasectomy.

Sorry about you bro, really. I can't imagine how fucking life-shattering this must be, you have absolutely no control over a system that will enslave you and force you to work, for not only a child but also a woman, who will vastly profit from the child support, let's be realistic here.

The fact that she's happy being pregnant and at the prospect of being a single mom because she will force you to pay for it is scary. I can't recommend you what to do because i'm not you, but since i have this incessant need of adding my grain of salt in matters, i can tell you what i would do.

I would leave the country and build my life somewhere like denmark, sweden or finland, where native-english people with skills in one thing or another is highly valued, if you speak the language at a functional level.

Add in free language courses, study aid for immigrants and special job quotas reserved for immigrants in key government-funded jobs, i would adapt myself and rebuild my life from scratch.

In my opinion, it's better than risking prison for payment neglect if i lose my job.

Good luck.

Rajoy_ahoy · 2011-12-26T21:06:37+00:00

Men don't have reproductive rights.

Do your best to defend yourself and try not to piss her off.

GET OFF REDDIT AND LAWYER THE FUCK UP

ThePigman · 2011-12-27T00:57:41+00:00

"she's quite happy for me to not be part of the child's life if that's my wish, she said she'll just be happy with child support."

That's big of her.

PS

Yes, you are screwed.

docid · 2011-12-26T09:28:32+00:00

A hit is cheaper than child support... is she showing? Some pro's wont hit a pregger... or will charge more..

EDIT: After reading the rest of the comments, a hit is still cheaper than moving to Denmark, but hey, who wouldn't want to live in Denmark? It sounds like paradise

mmck · 2011-12-27T01:48:48+00:00

Man up and marry her.

Title	Question: My one night stand wants to keep the baby, I don't, am I stuck with having to pay child support?
Author	dontwantababyyet
Upvotes	9
Comments	61
Date	December 26, 2011 9:25 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/nr1id/question_my_one_night_stand_wants_to_keep_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/question-my-one-night-stand-wants-to-keep-the-baby.1030073 https://theredarchive.com/post/1030073

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