[edit] Update: I dumped her. Check my comment.

Thought she was a unicorn when I met her (on tinder, lel, my bad). She didn't/doesn't go out and get drunk much/at all, says she's only been with 2 guys (but admits to having done stuff with girls too when she was younger, ~16, and has even had a threesome with 2 girls) and I believe her (she was in a LTR for 2 years that ended 1 year before she got with me; they broke up often, though).

Anyway, I've gradually realised that she's not a unicorn, but still seems really good compared to most girls I see/know at uni. Plus her SMV is higher than mine, IMO; it'd be the same if I lost a little weight and put on some muscle (I'm working on this, I do go to the gym). We've broken up I think four times, for like a day before getting back together (some of them her fault, some of them mine). The most recent time we broke up (or, well, almost broke up), we decided to make some changes, the most important one being that we see each other less; we saw each other 24/7 and it was getting pretty co-dependent. It's much more healthy now and I have more time for my hobbies etc. I should also mention that she lives away from me, a 4-hour journey, but we see each other in term-times at university (so this will essentially mean from mid-July to mid-September I will only see her sporadically (but hopefully as often as possible).

Anyway, she thinks I can be paranoid and have trust issues, I think that all of the issues I've "discussed" with her (AKA said cut that shit out) have been and are legitimate. This was what our last argument/near break-up was about, her saying she didn't know whether she could be with someone that doesn't trust her when she's given me no reason to, and me saying she has given me reason to and it's up to her to earn it back if she wants it. Overall, she says that she doesn't want to do anything that I'm uncomfortable with, and has asked me to say if I'm not (but my problem is most of it's common sense). She hamsters like mad, usually. Turns things round to make them look like they're my fault etc. When we were discussing all this she just kept saying stuff like "but a paranoid person wouldn't know that they're being paranoid" etc. etc. One time she kept accusing me of "jumping to accusations" when she was in a mood with me, started liking stuff on twitter on quotes blogs saying shit about you should only accept a man you deserve, you shouldn't settle for someone that treats you badly, etc. etc. Had the nerve to tell me I was jumping to conclusions by saying that she was being petty indirecting me like that, saying that "it's not about you, I just like stuff that I've been able to relate to in the past", then even started saying "I can't believe you don't even trust me on me telling the truth about something like this, why would I lie? How can you be with someone if you don't trust them?". Mad shit they pull sometimes, women.

Anyway, here's a list of what have been red flags to me, and what she's had to say about them:

1) The first night after we started officially going out, we went out with friends and got drunk, and she ended up flirting and being touchy with a girl that she knew I'd slept with. Saying stuff like "She's really attractive", "Is she straight?", "Is she single?", "She's really hot I might leave you for her". I broke up with her that night. The next day we made up and she apologised, and said that she was really drunk (lel), and admitted that most of it was because she felt threatened by my past with her. She also said that she doesn't have any feelings towards girls so "it would never have meant anything", leading me on to 2) . . .

2) She lied to me about the "never having any feelings towards girls" thing, telling me that at the time, then later telling me she's sexually attracted to girls. When I pressed her on this she said "I just meant romantically attracted, I meant I wasn't romantically attracted to girls", I said "but if you're flirting like that I'd obviously be worried about the sexual attraction" to which she was like "but I don't really flirt with someone like that if it's just sexual, I have to really like them" blah blah blah, hamstering, you get the gist.

3) One time while I was having a smoke at our uni's SU (I started taking her out on nights out with me a lot cause I wasn't comfortable going to the SU - the uni's club, if you're wondering - without her if I'm in a relationship) and she went to the toilet, she came back and before seeing me started chatting to this black guy waiting by the entrance. I went to see her a couple minutes later when I'd finished smoking (I'm quitting don't worry; my quit date with the clinic is in 3 days :D), and she looked slightly shocked when I poked her, and she gave the guy's phone back to him where I saw she'd put her snapchat username into his contacts. I said "what are you doing?" and she said "oh he just needed me to call him a taxi", I said "and you needed to give him your snapchat for that?" and she just repeated that she was calling a taxi. I said let's go upstairs and we started walking away then she said "I'll be up in a minute", and went back to talk to him for another couple of minutes. My mate ended up dragging her upstairs to us haha. Ignored her most of the night and told her she wasn't sleeping at mine, her bitch ass slut feminist friend (but one of my friend's girlfriends so I can't say too much shit to her) ranted at me in the car for being a dick "just for giving some guy her snapchat?!" (yeah she's literally the worst friend anyone could wish for influence wise, I'll get to that in the next bit . . .). Anyway we ended up having a big 2 hour discussion about how she acts and stuff, she says she doesn't think it's wrong etc. etc., but won't do it now she knows that I think it is. Says she only gave it because she's polite and would have deleted it after anyway (she deleted it after she realised I wasn't happy with it, but said she would have anyway cause she was only being polite and he asked, whatever :/).

4) Her girl friend (although I haven't noticed anything bad regarding this in a few weeks now) is the worst influence on her and with her. I felt their friendship was too strange. She'd often be really flirty with my s/o, touchy feely, stripping off in front of her, telling her she's hot and saying to me that she's a "gilf", taking her to the bathroom with her whenever she went (not when we're out, just in my house's small 3-foot-wide bathroom). Her friend's slutty in general too (glad I dodged that bullet; I actually hit on her last year til I got back to hers and she went for a phone call with her boyfriend; I left shortly after), was seeing one guy then ditched him with no notice for my housemate/friend (they're now going out and have been for a couple of months), cheated on her ex, is/was all over other guys on nights out.

4) She started getting drunk more, and even doing MDMA. She says it's because it helps her anxiety and shyness (which is definitely true, she barely speaks to anyone she doesn't know really well when she's sober, but I doubt that's the main reason). Her friend that I was on about was the one that introduced her to MD. I ended up telling her I didn't want either of us doing it, and she was okay with that. She didn't even tell me the first time she did it. We were all going to go out together, but she was going to pre-drink with her friend that I mentioned, and me with mine, then meet up and go. I found out that her friend was getting MD, so I told my gf and she said "yeah I know I'm taking some". She asked if I was ok with it etc. I said yes, took some with her, then a few weeks later took that back and said I didn't want to be around it, which is true (bad play I know). Anyway, we've both agreed that we're not going to get too drunk ever, as that's when most of our arguments have happened.

6) Many assortments of little things. Like how she told me once that one of her guy friends has a foot fetish. And then I find her posting a picture of her "new socks" on instagram with a hashtag #footfetish. Or that she hides her phone a lot when she's texting/messaging (is right handed but sometimes sits on my left side, puts her legs up and has her phone in her left hand behind her legs so I can't see it, or just angles it away from me). Or when I came into my room, saw her positioning her camera above her head as if for a cleavage shot, and she saw me and closed her phone really quickly and went red. Or how she overheard me joking with one of my friends about a threesome (inside joke about someone we know), and when she got drunk and we got home she spent about 20 minutes telling me that if I wanted a threesome she'd be up for experimenting, and when I said it was just a joke she kept saying like "okay but if you are, I'm up for it too". Just lots of little things that make my stomach churn a little. Told me that some guy came into where she works and called her by her name at the till, then he'd commented on some of her social media when she got home asking if it was her, and said it was some guy she matched on tinder months ago and she replied to him. Obvious shit test but still. I just said something like "someone wants the V" or "someone's thirsty", can't remember. And she said "no I don't think so he was just being nice" and I just joked about it and said yeah sure. Caught her snooping through my phone once too. Went for a shower at mine, left my phone in my room with her in there. Some time back I'd added her fingerprint to my scanner on it, because a) nothing to hide and don't really care and she never asks to see anything, b) didn't think she'd ever want to use it, c) to show trust in her. Anyway I come back in from a really quick shower (I shower really quickly for some reason) to see her on my phone. I enter and she quickly locks it and puts it down, I ask what she's doing with my phone, and she said "oh just sending you a snapchat" "Sending me a snapchat? . . . from my own snapchat? . . ." "No I just meant adding one to your story as a joke". Anyway I told her how pissed off I was and she apologised and said she didn't think anything of it but it wouldn't happen again and she realises she shouldn't have done it yada yada.

5) (You can check my thread history for more info on this, so I'll keep this one brief). She had been planning to go to a weekend convention for a show she's obsessed with for ages, and she asked me if I was OK with her sharing a bed with her guy friend she was going with to save expenses (she was going with her guy friend, her sister, and her sister's friend; there would be 2 beds: 1 for her and her guy friend, 1 for the other 2). If you read my thread you'll see what happened. Eventually I called her out and said that it's disrespectful that she even ask; she actually conceded this and sent a massive apology saying she shouldn't have asked and admitting that it's wrong in principle, and that she just didn't think of it that way at first because she was purely thinking of practicality. She changed her plans to adding a third bed so she could sleep alone. I was later reminded (she'd told me a long time ago but I'd forgotten) that this guy friend of hers was one that she'd met on Tinder. More on this now . . .

6) Her guy friends (and maybe female ones too). As far as I'm aware she doesn't have loads of these (but then she doesn't have that many close friends in general). There are only two that I'm aware of, with others that I see her speaking to occasionally but not that much. The first one is the dude I just mentioned that she met on tinder. She said that she met him a couple of years ago, but that nothing ever happened between them because she didn't like him like that. She said that was when she first got tinder and she swiped everyone, and they met because of their shared obsession with the show, among other things. She said that he liked her, doesn't know whether he still does, but that she never liked him. They message on facebook every day, very frequently. The problem with this is that she messages EVERYONE very frequently, so I don't know whether that should make it less of a deal. I know that when my ex started messaging my best mate at the time for 10+ hours every day I called her out on it, but that was because that was an exception for her; she made an exception for my friend. With my current gf, she's constantly on social media messaging her group chats and female friends and, most often, her sisters. But, regardless, she does message him all the time, even while I'm there. The messages I've seen, though, have all been perfectly innocent, mostly about this convention they're going to (which is this weekend, actually, she's there right now). I feel like, with this guy, it might just be a straight-up case of her having him as a backup, him maybe not even being an orbiter any more, as he doesn't seem too doting etc. from what I've seen. Anyway, the other friend isn't one that she messages too much, but she does text occasionally (with her second phone; she has one for internet, the other for texting, says it's to do with her old having mobile internet on and an sms contract on another; I don't get it but whatever). Mostly, though, she snapchats him. I get pretty worried about him. I'm not fat or chubby, but I'm not slim or toned either (I'm working on it), but he's a hardcore gym-head, ripped etc. I can't remember whether he's an ex of hers, I remember her saying that one of her friends is an ex but was one that she had when she was like 14, I really can't remember. Anyway, she snapchats him all the time. And she's pretty secretive about her snapchat. She opens a lot of his snapchats around me, but often times she'll not reply to one, then go to the bathroom and take her phone with her, and when she comes back I'll see that she's sent a reply. He frequently sends her snaps with his shirt off. I mentioned this once before when we had one of our discussions, and she said that he doesn't think of her like that, etc. etc., and that she never responds in kind anyway so it's not anything that SHE'S doing wrong. He comments on her instagrams with lovehearts at the end. I checked out his instagram, and she doesn't like any of his topless gym photos (except for one progress photo he did a while back) or comment on them. Except for one a couple of years ago where she said something like "you need to post your pretty face on here more <3" or something like that. Anyway yeah they snapchat all the time, and her snapchat and messaging secrecy in general get to me. I wouldn't even want to read what she was doing if she weren't so shady with it. So yeah, those are the 2 guys that I can think of, but like I said there are a couple others that she speaks to less frequently. There's a girl that she's started speaking to the past couple of months (that's bisexual), who she speaks to alllllllll the time. They act lovey dovey but not in a sexual way, just hearts and kisses shit. They probably message 24/7 (obviously not every minute, but I'd say she checks her messages every 15 minutes on average, unless she's just sitting there having a proper typing conversation). Problem is they're also snapchat best friends now and snapchat all the time, and I think some of the shit they snapchat is shady. She does the whole going to the toilet to snapchat thing with her, too, btw. I've seen this girl send her quite a bit of obvious cleavage sometimes, and my gf send back (for example) shots of stuff that are clearly aimed to get her legs in it nearly up to her groin when she's naked or half naked. Weirds me out a bit but whatever.

Writing this, I don't know whether you can tell, but I have quite a lot of reservations. I started writing this thinking "okay I think she's fine but I'll post these couple of small things to get some advice and confirmation that she's alright", and as I kept writing I recalled more and more and the heftiness of the amount that I'm not okay with, with how she is, kept adding up and made me realise that it might actually be a lot more than I thought. And yet somehow these problems seem minor, at the same time, considering she doesn't go out drinking unless I'm with her, she doesn't openly flirt with anyone else, doesn't shit test me a lot, is really generous with me (massages, making me food, blowjobs, etc.), and we've been more comfortable since we recently made some changes. So I don't know what to think, really.

Thoughts?