Why are we afraid of male sexuality?

Better_Repeat · 2021-06-11T14:31:23+00:00

The Guardian itself is a pretty big platform for misandrists, especially the opinion pieces. Male sexuality has been demonised on various platforms for years; I remember reading all sorts of horrible, misandrist stuff that broke down my self-esteem when I was a teenager, at least 20 years ago. Explicit indictments of male sexuality as inherently bestial and insidious, something that corrupts the 'pure' feminine sexuality and destroys innocence. For some, male sexuality is genuinely considered a destructive and harmful force.

Examples of the extremes include 'witches', 'wiccans', and 'neopagans'. Not all proponents, of course, but there are recurring themes that insist that all the 'good' in the world comes from femaleness while all the 'bad' comes from maleness. What's notable about the modern forms is how explicitly misandrist and male-exclusionary they are. They are mostly religions that were defined explicitly in the modern era, and deliberately designed to include misandrist elements from the inception - i.e. the conflation of 'male' and 'evil'. r/witchesvspatriarchy is a blatant example of this, which as far as I can tell actually consists of liberals larping as 'subversive' witches while otherwise being conformist careerists fully engaging with the capitalist and political systems of the west. You're still just a consumer if you're buying bogus 'magic crystals' from some online retailer.

Of course, the most extreme stuff is on the fringe of society, but some insidious elements of these attitudes have seeped into the mainstream. Particularly the conflation between sexual deviancy and criminality with male sexuality, where people are no longer careful to distinguish men generally from the worst rapists. The women who were reading and writing the same extreme stuff I saw then are now grownup activists, journalists, academics, and politicians of today.

The sentiment that 'girls have problems, boys are problems' has only gotten stronger over the years, in my experience. I've seen it more and more in real life since I started university.

cryptohemsworth · 2021-06-11T11:28:28+00:00

On my quest of self-discovery and self-improvement, a new interest of mine is understanding and embracing my sexuality as a straight male. I am a virgin at 24 and have really struggled (unknowingly for the most part) with a lot of things related to vulnerability including accepting myself as a sexual being, having absorbed adverse messages about the nature of male sexuality from feminist family members and online communities.

I came across this article (published in 2011(!!)) and it resonated a lot with me and I thought I'd post it here because I have seen similar thoughts expressed on this forum.

Excerpts:

Again and again the message came out: girls have problems. Boys are problems. And yet does anyone doubt that there should be concerns about how easy access to porn impacts upon boys' sexual development, their self-esteem, their body image or performance anxieties? It's not as if young men bask in perfect mental health and happiness – young men commit suicide at nearly four times the rate of young women, and sex and relationships rank high on their list of concerns.

As feminist blogger Clarisse Thorn noted last year, any man who hits on a woman and gets it wrong risks being branded a "creep" – sometimes deservedly so, of course, but often for no greater sin than being insufficiently attractive or socially skilled, or having misread a perceived signal of invitation. I've never heard of a woman being stigmatised or disparaged for expressing an attraction to big men, rough men, geeky men or whatever. A man who expresses similar desires for women who don't conform to standard norms of beauty is a perv, a fetishist, a weirdo.

apeironman · 2021-06-11T15:34:59+00:00

I was about to say this was a rare example of The Guardian writing an article that didn't follow the feminist screed of demonizing men and was even sympathetic to men until I noticed it was 10 years old. Still, credit where credit is due.

Until we change society's idea that men are inherently perpetrators and women are inherently victims, men's sexuality is going to be seen as predatory and something to be feared and shamed.

TheSpaceDuck · 2021-06-11T15:10:22+00:00

Very good article, surprising to see it in The Guardian. Then again it's 9 years old, I don't think you'd see this in The Guardian today.

This comes at a time where a female swimmer in Australia pulled out citing "misogynist perverts" because of a a man who "stared at her". Can you imagine how feminists would react if we demonized women as "sluts" or "misandrist perverts" every time they looked at a man in a swimsuit?

BloomingBrains · 2021-06-11T20:40:27+00:00

People aren't afraid of male sexuality. If they were then they wouldn't be hooking up on Tinder at the rates they are. What they're afraid of is how bad they will look if their biological essentialism, their disgust for "useless males", and their misandrist selection criteria gets revealed. So they pretend to be scarred of male sexuality to shift the focus. Of course, I have no doubt some are genuinely in a state of doublethink due to the constant cultural bombardment and upbringing.

DIES-_-IRAE · 2021-06-11T14:47:18+00:00

It's demonized by Feminists, who have a ton of institutional power.

Blauwpetje · 2021-06-11T14:53:35+00:00

This article is almost 10 years old, from when the Guardian maybe was still allowed to publish something not approved of by the feminist Politburo.

Blauwpetje · 2021-06-11T15:01:24+00:00

But actually, the article is spot on. Strange that simple truths like these cannot be expressed anymore without answers like 'says the incel haha'. Apparently the problem was already there, but now demonization of male sexuality has become so common that it is even a taboo to mention that demonization.

Blauwpetje · 2021-06-11T15:30:53+00:00

The discussion beneath the article is also worthwhile reading! Different from now, it is a real discussion and not a bunch of feminists with every now and then a dissident voice getting shamed or ridiculed.

Mustbeaight · 2021-06-11T16:57:54+00:00

The fucking guardian

Vandechoz · 2021-06-11T17:56:31+00:00

I remember Ally Fogg, always seemed to be willing to consider all sides of the issue, even if I didn't always agree with them.

LastRounder · 2021-06-11T13:38:11+00:00

Because UK comes from highly religious and restrictive backround. Remember Victorian age?

That's it. Repressive culture was never fixed. That's why people are afraid of male sexualiry, female sexuality,gay sexuality, trans sexuality and everything alike.

It is like a deep seated complex in official UK culture.

SonOfHibernia · 2021-06-12T11:34:05+00:00

Women are afraid of male sexuality because be the power dynamic feminists have drilled into their heads since the 70’s: men are a the inverse than than you, so they will rape you. Yea, maybe 5% of the population would, but 95% absolutely would not. Even though almost all men want their partner to enjoy sex as much as they do. It’s lonely, basement dwelling femincel’s who are afraid of male sexuality because because they’ve never encountered it in their world. Never had a hot, sweaty, night of beautiful sex, and did the walk of the shame the next morning, giggling to herself about how great it was.

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