‘You see what you see, you see seldom what is.’ Incredible String Band, The eyes of fate

I got these thoughts after making my post about advices for single men. It may be especially relevant for single, straight men, but not only for them.

From our childhood on, we made images in our mind of everything around us, to learn how we can use or handle it, from food to furniture to other people. So also, from the beginning of our teenage years or maybe earlier, we made this picture in our minds of what girls are. It grew and got adapted over the years, but the core of it started there. All men have a version of this picture inside them: feminist men, traditionalists, MGTOW’s and LWMA’s. (Feminist men may deny it, while at the same time seeing women as angels with the strength of marines and a great sense of humor, who suffer injustice all the time.) It may not even differ that much among different groups of men.

What if this picture is simply wrong?

I probably mean something more complicated than you imagine now. It is not about better or worse, nor about more like men or less like men.

Yes, men and women differ in interests and qualities. But a man can see his feminine archetype in a woman with a lot of ‘masculine’ character traits, and still be the victim of an illusion. ‘All women are different’ is a good conclusion, but still not the whole essence of what I mean.

And yes, women have different bodies, different looks, things you are attracted to, which is only natural; even if some of it is artificially made more beautiful or sexier.

More important is that part of her attraction is something you project in her. Not only can lovely eyes and a lovely face make you think she must be a really sweet, empathic and loving woman. Even a nice pair of boobs and a hot bottom, and especially the way they are dressed or not dressed, and the way she moves them, the way she shows them modestly, subtly or unashamedly – all that can lead to projections of a certain kind of personality in your mind - but that may be all in your mind.

It is all about, and comes back all the time to, that question: what if your image of girls and women is simply wrong? Even when you’ve gone through all the details, as I tried to do here, a part of the essence may not be answered, until you ask the question again and again. You may have to reset your feminine archetype, partly even maybe by totally dismissing it for a while, to adopt a new version later and re-enter the world with a loving, but not a powerless look on women.

It may be a good exercise just to walk on the streets or in the supermarket and, every time you see a woman that makes an impression on you one way or another, to think: but I may be seeing something in her that isn’t there at all. Or even when you watch photographs you happen to find online. (It is different with photographs you’ve especially been looking for.)

It would possibly be even more important if women reconsidered their masculine archetype the same way. Or even their feminine archetype. About men and other men: of course men have all kinds of biases and prejudices for or against each other. But I don’t see men, except maybe very traditionalist men, really maintain something of a masculine archetype.