Hello! This is my first post here and, while I read the sidebar, I am fairly new to Reddit and I hope I have not made any mistakes tagging and posting this post. Thanks for your patience.

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The problem: The problem is that, when we have sex (especially when I am giving him a blowjob/handjob) after he cums once he often wants to have a second go -- especially if it was really great and exciting for him. I love to make him feel good, I take him getting horny/hard again as a huge compliment, and of course I want to do this for him. However, the second time around, it is significantly more difficult to get him to cum and also my energy/horniness/focus has often faded by then and some combination of these two components often lead to him not being able to cum a second time like we had been trying for. To be honest, sometimes it ends with me running out of steam - if he initiates right after we both come home from work, for example, I can pull it together enough to give him one successful, enthusiastic bj, even though I am not really in the mood. However, a second bj right after and on top of this can be difficult to find the energy for, particularly when the "difficulty level" of making him cum has spiked in tandem with my exhaustion... One time I just found myself crying from being so mentally exhausted after spending 30 minutes failing to make him cum a second time... I know that turn of events was the opposite of a relaxing, fulfilling bj for him too. I never want to get that overwhelmed again -- I would sooner turn him down for the second go... ):

I think that at least some of the difficulty also has to do with my technique -- I am very inexperienced and he is the only person I have done ANYTHING physical with so I know my skill is lacking. I am still learning and we are very communicative about what feels good. Handjobs and blowjobs require a lot more technique and attention on my part than having sex with him vaginally or anally. He has taught me everything I know about making him feel good, and I do get better and learn new things every time, but I feel incredibly disappointed in myself when I cannot help him cum again when he wants to.

He insists that I am doing a great job and that it is just because he has so recently cum that it is difficult a second time -- but I know he can usually cum a second time just fine nearly right away when we have anal or vaginal sex and he gets in the mood for a second go. He does not cum quickly, unless it is a special circumstance -- it typically takes between 20-45 minutes for a bj/hj to lead to his orgasm, where as it takes more like 5-20 (typically more like 10-20) minutes for him to cum when he is inside of my vagina or anus.

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Additional relationship details: I met my boyfriend online last summer. We talked online for ~5 months before he flew to meet me. We met in person for 3 different long weekends before we decided we wanted to be official/stop dating other people (exclusive just before new years 2015). We have been traveling to see each other for about a week out of every month since last November, trading plane ticket purchasing duties. We started having sex this Spring (first BJ in early march, first vaginal intercourse in april or may). He is the first person I have had sex with, ever, and even the first person I ever french kissed. When we visit each other, we have sex very regularly, about 2-4 times per day. I am moving to his state at the end of this month and we will be living together. We are both very excited. We have discussed marriage and we both are looking for the same thing, and, assuming things continue going well, a proposal seems on the horizon (he has mentioned he wants to ask my parents first, and do it very traditionally, and he rarely gets to see them so I am not sure how soon it could be).

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How I am trying to fix it: I am trying to practice bjs/hjs to get more skilled at them and better at doing those motions with my hands and mouth/throat so that I can more easily please him and perhaps get him to cum more quickly/easily. I am not sure if this will be enough and I am also uncomfortable with the thought that my solution is to shorten his sexual duration, which is an aspect of him I should probably be excited about. I was also thinking that, in the future, if it happens again that he wants a second go after a bj that has drained me, then I could maybe offer vaginal or anal sex as an alternative. I am not sure if this is manipulative though and, really, I would like to be able to please him the way he wants me to... I am very inexperienced and unsure how to handle this kind of an issue.

I also, to be honest, still have some anxiety about sex and, when I am stressed and in a sexual situation, it can lead to things like that horrible crying I mentioned before. Sometimes sex makes me feel sad and frightened, though I would definitely not say I have a low sex drive --- it does have an undercurrent of fear for me, which gets amplified when it gets stressful... I suspect that it may be a good decision to talk about this with my therapist, which would also be something I could do to make steps towards fixing components of this issue...

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Thanks so much for your time reading this. I welcome advice and comments/discussions.